Tsuruko Arc - Chapter Five: Cold Sting
"Do we really need to sit so close to each other? I'm not going to run away." said Keitaro.
"Honestly, stop acting like a child. You're Japanese, you should be used to the cramped space." Tsuruko retorted. Keitaro sighed and continued to flip through a magazine. Tsuruko silently resumed her meditation, not once opening her eyes. The close proximity did bother her too, but they were on train, the main means of transportation. No matter how hard she tried to focus on Motoko, her thoughts drifted back to those words.
"His wounds aren't something you can open with a blade. Opening them again may finish him."
She peeked through her right eye at Keitaro... and poked him in the ribs, instantly making him grab his side.
"Don't do that. Now who's acting like a child?" he huffed. Keitaro looked at Tsuruko's serene face and shrugged it off. For a moment they looked like a lovey-dovey couple teasing each other.
"Still the same Keitaro." Tsuruko thought. "The menacing aura that you emitted before has become a shallow cloud. Once you get comfortable with people, you become lackadaisical. Now that you know the Duchess is safe, you're an open book."
"My sweet."
Tsuruko's cheeks flushed with a little rosy tint. "Why would he say that to her? Was it just to unnerve her? Or did he actually have some interest in her? But that couldn't be right. He was doing this for that foreigner he obviously cared a lot for..."
Shaking her head, Tsuruko gave herself a mental slap. "Shame on me! This isn't something that I should be thinking about... Is it because I've been alone for so long?" Tsuruko felt a deep feeling inside of her. She couldn't describe it, but it was familiar. This feeling was just like the time before she got married, not quite love, but infatuation.
Tsuruko was brought up to follow traditional Japanese morals of the warrior class... meaning to follow obligation, politeness and duty above all else. It wasn't until she was Motoko's age that she first felt the throes of love. The first time she met her future husband was a hurricane of emotions all at once.
Traditionally, young practitioners of the Shinmei-ryuu school were separated by gender. Outside of the immediate family, students aren't allowed contact with the opposite sex. Since the founding of the school, when a female and male student come into contact to each other for the first time, they've been engaged. Tsuruko was no different.
Her experience in love was quite similar to the fairytales. Boy meets girl, they fall in love, and get married. In hindsight, she was one of the luckier members of her clan. Marriage was and still is considered as duty rather than an act of sacrament. There was a connection between her and her husband. But her fairytale was a fake.
Prior to her grandmother's generation, the fabled Annex was used as a tool to insure that the marriages were successful regardless of sentiment. The association between the Urashima's and the Aoyama's ran much deeper than Keitaro or Motoko realized... That was why she didn't think that marriage between the both of them was so unrealistic. Even now, after generations of dilution, the blood in both of them calls out to each other. Perhaps, even to her...
"So, what do you want me to do when we get there?" asked Keitaro
"Pardon?" Tsuruko snapped out of her reverie.
"Obviously, you'd have an ideal scenario in mind where Motoko spills her guts out and I would feel inclined to forgive her. Thereby allowing me to return to my lady as fast as possible."
"Don't presume to know my intentions, Keitaro. Doing so may crush your hopes." Keitaro laughs. "You think that's humorous?"
"Let's just say I've heard something to that effect before."
"The Duchess, as you call her?"
"Yeah."
"Just how did you come to know her?" Keitaro thought about the question for a moment.
"The Duchess extended her hand to me when no one else did. She was my savior when I was ready to call it quits. My lady took me, a failure, under her care. I owe her my life."
"You don't believe that you're a failure."
"The term fits me perfectly. I couldn't make both my dreams come true. I couldn't make it into Tokyo U, but I also couldn't make the woman I loved happy either. I could put all the blame on Naru for cheating on me, but it takes two people to build a relationship. Obviously, she didn't trust me enough to tell me what I was doing wrong. Ultimately, I was blind to her pain. Still, I don't have any regrets. I've moved on with my life and that's the way it goes sometimes."
"I'm sorry."
"For what?"
"You've moved past the torment within you, but I'm bringing you back to the birth of your agony."
"I can't say that I'm happy about it. Especially when I'm being coerced like this, but I guess it's time to bury things long since dead."
"Is that how you see Motoko?" Tsuruko said defensively.
"As dead? To a lesser extent yes. She's not a part of my world anymore and neither is anyone else from my old life."
"What if she still wants to be a part of your world?"
"I'm not even suited for my world, which begs the question how you are."
"Don't change the subject."
"Fine, but do you want Motoko to have this kind of life?"
"No, but-"
"There's no buts. Look, Tsuruko. Just accept the fact that no matter what happens when I go back to the Hinata Apartments, it won't turn out to be the way you wanted. I didn't leave that place just because of Naru. She was the reason I stayed in the first place. I stayed for love in an otherwise black element. I've already changed. Don't expect more from me... You'll never know what it truly means to be lost. I've found my way miles away from home."
"But here you are, coming home." Keitaro turned his gaze away and covered his eyes with his hand, but Tsuruko saw the tears rolling down his face. No matter how much he wanted to deny it, the Hinata Apartments would always be his home. It was supposed to be a place of comfort where you were always welcome.