Learning To Let Them In

by aubreylovesthegames

Tris is broken. She is alive, but she isn't living. One day took everyone from her. She and her guardian, Tori, decide to move to Chicago for a fresh start. Tris pushes away everyone she meets, not wanting any 'friends', but that becomes a little difficult when the boy next door, Four, slowly starts to break her walls down, piece by piece. What will happen? Will Tris let them in?

20. Chapter 20

See? Told ya it wouldn't be long! Thanks so much guys for all the support!:) I've got my wisdom teeth out now! Thank goodness it's over with!

Disclaimer: Don't own it. Ha. Short. Just like my AN. Ya happy folks? But I promise you, this chapter is anything but short. Now are you happy? Good.

Chapter 20

Tris' POV

It's been 30 minutes since I last texted Four and tears are still streaming down my face. It's well past 2 o'clock now. Did he ignore my message? Did I really screw everything up between us?

"You're so stupid Tris!" I yell and start sobbing again.

I wish Mom was here. Or even Dad. They'd know what to do. They'd know how to help. Even with Caleb being overprotective, he'd know this was important to me and would help. I miss them so much.

But it's my fault they're gone. I saw the car. I saw it and I didn't say anything until it was too late. I could've saved them. I could've helped them. I could've, at the very least, had saved Mom.

I should've let the paramedics through to begin with. I should've been the one to call 911. Not some bystander. They would've gotten there earlier. They might've saved them. And even if they didn't, I might have been able to live with myself a little more, knowing I did everything I possibly could.

Instead, I'm living with guilt. I've tried to kill myself because of it. I cut because of it. I didn't talk because of it. I thought, if I talked, I'd end up screwing someone else's life up. I've screwed Tori's up. I know that. Anybody who was watching us would know that.

She quit her job. She moved across states. She was the one to stop me from killing myself. She was the one to spend her days and most of her nights in the hospital with me after it happened. She's the one who encourages me everyday to keep going on. It makes me feel more guilty for cutting. For trying to commit suicide. For not eating. For not thanking her enough. For not loving her as much as I did Mom, Dad, and Caleb. I love her a lot, but she'll never be Mom. And she knows it too.

The guilt makes my feet much more heavy. I can barely stand myself up to walk everyday because of the guilt weighing down on me. It makes me want to collapse and just be done and never get back up I can't. I can't do that to Tori. I can't do that to Four. I can't do that to my friends. I can't do it. Eric would win. Hailey and Taylor would win. Haviland would win.

I'm scared to go back to Haviland. I really am. I know I'll see Hailey and Taylor at the fair. They always went to the fair everyday it was there, mostly just to look at the boys. They became good friends with Eric after what happened. They don't know he raped me. If they did, they never would've treated me like they did.

Yes. I hate them with a passion. They treated me like scum after my family died. But they never made fun of my family. They never joined Eric and physically hurt me. they actually liked my family. No, they aren't the best people in the world, but I do know that if they knew he raped me, they would've made sure he stayed away from me. And they would've backed away from him. They were the best at spreading rumors. They would spread one after another about Eric and they would back off from me. Probably never talk to me again, but wouldn't have hurt me anymore. I know them well enough to know that.

My thoughts are interrupted by a ringing coming from my phone. I try and stop my tears. It doesn't work but I hold my breath, trying to stop the sobbing. I answer it.

"Tris?"

I shakily whisper, "Hey Four."

"Where are you Tris? You said you were coming. Everyone's worried about you."

Is everyone there with him, listening to this call? Oh God. Please say no.

"Are they all with you right now?"

"No. I just got out of art. I realized Tori wasn't there either. Where are you guys?"

"Well...Tori's out exploring Chicago."

There's a moment of silence.

"And what about you?"

"Home," I whisper.

I wipe the tears the keep streaming down my face.

"Why are you at home?"

Because my family is dead. Because it's my fault they died. Because I can't take coming to school on this day. I start sobbing again.

"Tris!?"

I keep sobbing, unable to get any words out.

"Tris, listen. I'm coming over okay? It's free period anyways."

"Ok," I whisper, still crying.

"Is the front door unlocked?"

Tori always leaves it unlocked.

"Yes."

"Okay. I'll be there in about 10 minutes."

"Ok," I whisper again.

"Bye Tris."

And then he hangs up.

I roll over and cover myself up with blankets. I hug a pillow to my chest and sob into it.

"They're all dead. And it's your fault," the voice in my head says.

Eric's voice rings through my head.

"And just so you know, it was your fault that they died."

"You deserve it."

"I will find you Bea. Even if you leave this town, I will find you and when I do, you better hope that God is on your side."

"You said you loved me. Now prove it."

"You can't take it back."

"It's all my fault..." I whisper.

I hear the front door open and shut. Four's here. Oh gosh. Why did I let him come here? I'm so stupid! My room door creaks open.

"Tris?"

I say nothing. I hear him come up behind me. I feel his hand on my shoulder. I stay still.

"Tris. Say something."

He sighs when I'm still silent a minute later. His hand comes off my shoulder and he walks around to the other side of the bed so he's facing me.

"What happened Tris?"

I look up and meet his eyes. What happened? Well let's see...my family is dead because of me, I was raped, beaten, and bullied. That's what happened.

I need to tell Four. I need to tell him everything. If I want him to come to Haviland with me, then he needs to know the real reason why we're going. But I don't even know where or how to start.

"Tris?"

"I don't even know where to start."

"What do you mean?"

I take a shaky breath. "I need to tell you some things."

"Are one of those 'things' the reason you stayed home today?"

I nod. He squats down and gently wipes some tears off my face. I close my eyes and take a deep breath before letting it back out. I feel him tuck my hair behind my ears and cup my cheek. I slowly open my eyes back up.

"You don't have to do this, Tris."

I lean into his hand.

"I need to."

He doesn't say anything after that for a minute.

"Are you sure?"

I nod. "Yes."

"Ok," he whispers.

I sit up and crawl out from under the covers. I scoot over on top of them and pat the space I made next to me, silently asking Four to lay with me. He gets it because he stands up and lays in the space beside me. I find his hand and lace my fingers with his. He squeezes my hand as I try and figure out the best way to start this conversation.

"Whenever you're ready, Tris. I'm not going anywhere."

I smile a bit. "Thank you," I whisper.

We sit here for another couple minutes before words slowly start falling out of my mouth.

"There's a reason I shut everybody out and don't tell people my birthday."

I know he already knew that, but he stays silent and nods. I'm thankful for his patience.

"I used to be a lot different. I was so...naive. Just a normal girl from a small town where everybody knew everybody. I had my two best friends and other friends. And...and a sweet and caring boyfriend."

It almost kills me to have those words spill out of my mouth. Even the two best friends part hurts.

I give a short laugh and roll my eyes, thinking of what I just said. I add, "You're a lot better, just so you know."

I hear Four chuckle a bit and I wait a moment before continuing.

"Then...I was harshly shown what reality was. That it wasn't all rainbows and butterflies, like the ones I'd been living around."

I fall silent, letting myself get lost in thoughts and memories. Bad memories.

He squeezes my hand. "I'm right here."

I relax a bit. I don't know how he always knows exactly what to say. It's beyond scientific explanation.

I take a deep breath. "It was when I was 14. There was a party. It was for me, although I don't even remember why. There were a bunch of people. It was suffocating. My-my boyfriend noticed that it was bothering me and asked me if I...if I wanted to get out there. I was so naive."

Four's hand tightens on mine and I feel him tense up.

"We went up to my room. He asked me if I loved him."

I laugh harshly. "I thought I knew what love was. And I thought I felt it. And being the naive girl I was, I told him I did love him. Big mistake on my part. He looked so evil after I said it...I tried to take it back. The only thing that accomplished was being thrown around and beaten like a rag doll. I was shocked at first. But I tried to fight back."

Tears leak out of my eyes and my free hand unconsciously flies to my stomach. I trace the scar from on top of my shirt.

"He brought out a knife and cut me. The longest and most painful one was here."

Four looks over at my hand on my stomach.

"So I stopped fighting. He told me I couldn't take back what I said and to prove that I loved him. I felt so helpless. He did it as I was just lying there, unmoving and weak. I passed out from the pain later."

I close my eyes and try to hold back the sobs.

"When I woke up, the party was over and he was gone. I shut myself out from any contact with anybody whatsoever for the next week. Well...at least until my brother asked what the hell was up with me."

More tears stream down my face as I chuckle a bit at the memory of Caleb losing it.

"It was Eric, wasn't it," Four asks quietly.

I open my eyes again and turn on my side to look at him. He's looking at the ceiling. I stay silent. He turns to finally look at me.

"Wasn't it?"

I close my eyes and nod.

"That son of a bitch. I'm going to kill him."

I smile and laugh half heartedly. I open my eyes. Four looks shocked by my reaction.

"Why'd you just laugh?!"

"You reacted just like Caleb," I whisper.

"Who's Caleb?"

"My brother," I whisper again.

"You told him?"

"Yes. Like I said, he asked what the hell was up with me. What was I supposed to say? We were really close. I wouldn't have been able to keep it from him for long."

"Why didn't he do anything?"

Four sounds frustrated.

"Don't get mad at him for it. He was getting ready to go break both of his legs and worse when I told him."

"Why didn't he?"

"I asked him not to. Trust me, the last thing he wanted to do was let him go free. Whatever I wanted or needed would always come first for him. I came first for him. He only let him go because he loved me."

I smile a little bit.

"Did it happen on your birthday? Is that why you don't like your birthday?"

My smile vanishes and I open my eyes again to look at the bed instead of his eyes.

"No. Something else happened on my birthday."

"Do you want to tell me?"

I nod.

He stays silent. After a couple of minutes I start to speak again.

"It was after...Eric. I somehow had become naive again. Not as much as before, but I still wasn't even close to how I am now."

He nods.

"It was my 15th birthday. I was so happy because we were going to the freaking aquarium as a family for my birthday."

I laugh coldly and a tear trickles down my face.

"God, I was so stupid."

Four's thumb brushes off the tear. I take a few deep breaths before continuing. But something makes me think about why I became naive again.

"Now that I think about it, I don't think I just fell into being naive again."

I frown. I realize why I had done it. After a lot of thinking.

"What do you mean," Four quietly asks.

"I think...I think I wanted to be naive again. I think I wanted to pretend like nothing had happened to me. That I was the same girl with the same friends. And I had never changed. I was the same on the outside. But on the inside...I was so..."

I trail off, searching for the same word.

"Lost? Broken," Four tries.

I surprisingly nod. "Ya. That sounds about right. I think I didn't want to accept what happened and I just wanted to forget."

He squeezes my hand

"We were in the car. I remember staring out the window and seeing this car swerving around the road. I didn't even do anything. I just watched it. I watched it drive, probably drunkenly. I watched it switch roads and I watched it come towards us. And I didn't even warn my family until it was too late."

My voice cracks at the very end and roughly choke back a sob. Four's eyes are wide and mortified.

"Tris..."

But I wasn't done yet.

"I remember hearing screams, breaking glass, and seeing a bright light before darkness. When I woke up, I was in so much pain. But I pushed it aside and crawled over to Caleb. There was so much blood...I felt for his pulse but it wasn't there."

By this point a couple of hard sobs have escaped me and tears are furiously running down my face. I close my eyes as more tears leak out.

"So I crawled over to my father. But I had this gut feeling that I shouldn't even try. Everything was crooked and bleeding. I felt for his pulse anyways. There wasn't one."

I let out a few more sobs before I heard someone whisper my name. And I realized that my mother was still alive. I carefully got her out of the car and started begging her to stay with me and said she couldn't leave me. She told me her time had come and she wished she could stay with me but couldn't. And I remember desperately trying to remember everything about her appearance."

I didn't need to though. I see her in my nightmares most nights.

"She told me she didn't have much time and to open my birthday present. I told her I didn't want a present; I only wanted her. She wanted me to remember this present as the last thing she ever gave me. Then she pulled a small box from her pocket. It was my birthday present. I opened it. It was a necklace that was a gold heart with the words 'Be Brave' engraved in the center. It also had flames engraved on it. I told her I loved it and she said she knew I would. Then she started having trouble breathing and keeping her eyes open. She told me never to forget that my family all loved me. She told me to be brave and then she slipped away. I watched my mother die in front of me!"

I automatically reach for the necklace on my neck. But it's not there. I know it's probably on my nightstand or bathroom counter but all the stress of reliving my nightmares causes me to start to hyperventilate as I sob uncontrollably.

Four takes both of my hands in his and says, "Breathe Tris. Breathe."

"My...necklace," I gasp. "It's...not...on me."

"It's here. Ok? It's here. We will find it. But first I need you to breathe."

It takes a long time and almost blacking out from the lack of oxygen, but I finally am only sobbing.

"Come here. Come here," he mumbles and bring me tightly into his chest.

I cling to his shirt like a lifeline. It's the only thing keeping me grounded to the world right now. He runs his hand up and down my spine while the other just clutches me tightly.

If I would've just gone shopping or thrown a party like any other normal girl, none of this would've happened! My family would still be alive. I wouldn't be like how I am now. But then I wouldn't have met Four either.

At this thought, my sobs start to slowly calm down. Once I'm done sobbing completely I feel my weak body shaking slightly. I still cling to him for a long time as I let his heartbeat and his hands comfort me.

Eventually, I pull back. I stare at his chest. His shirt is soaked with my tears.

"Sorry," I say, surprised by the weak and croaky tone of my voice.

"Don't worry about it. I don't care about that. I care about you."

I look up at him and feel incredibly lucky to have someone like him. If I had to name one thing that was the light in all of my darkness, it would be him. He is the only for sure good thing that has come out of this whole mess called life.

"Can-can we find my necklace now?" I shakily ask.

"Of course we can."

He slides out of my bed as I shakily get up. It would've helped if I ate something today because my legs buckle from underneath me. Luckily Four is there and catches me before I hit the floor. He stands me back up without a word and wraps his arm supportively around my waist.

"Thank you," I whisper.

"No problem. Now where would it be?"

"I don't know why I wasn't wearing it."

I reach down towards my nightstand and search there, but it's not on it.

"I think it might be on the bathroom counter."

We walk slowly over to the bathroom. My legs are still pretty shaky. Once we are in I quickly search for any blood. I know I've checked before, but I could have missed something. When I don't see any I let myself relax a bit more. I look to the counter and see a small golden heart sitting on the back corner. I let out a sigh of relief.

"There it is."

Four slowly lets go of my waist-probably to make sure I wasn't going to fall-and grabs the necklace while I sit down sideways on the edge of the tub. He brings it over to me and sits behind me.

"What are you doing?"

"I'm just putting it on. Don't worry. I'm not throwing it down the drain."

I smile a microscopic smile at his words. I feel a cold metal chain slip around my neck and a heart charm to land in between my collarbones. I feel it fasten behind my neck and gently take the heart in my palm.

Be Brave.

I've done anything but be brave. But I try not to think about it now. Four's fingers gently brush my neck as he takes my hair out of the loop of the chain. Goosebumps run across my arms and I rub them away with my hands. He sits there and loosely braids my hair, only to let it fall apart and run his fingers through it a moment later before repeating. I take deep breaths while he does this and try to calm myself down. It works a little.

"Ok...I think-I think I'm ready to talk some more."

His fingers suddenly stop moving.

"There's more?!"

He sounds exasperated.

"I-I mean, you don't have to listen if-if you don't want to. I-I just thought you sho-you should know."

"Of course I'll listen! That's not what I meant...I just...you've gone through so much so far and...it's just...I can't believe there's more," he disbelieving says.

"Well it doesn't get much better from here."

I close my eyes as I hear him sigh.

"I had a feeling."

I lean back and his arms wrap around me and gently bring me to his chest. We sit here for another minute or two I lean forward again.

"Let's get this over with," I whisper and start to shakily stand up.

Four stands up as well and wraps his arm around my waist again, waiting for me to take a step. I hate being weak, but suddenly the bed seems so far away. And I'm extremely tired.

"I hate doing this...but can you-can you carry me?" I ask.

He smiles as he easily scoops me up. I close my eyes for the 5 or 6 seconds it takes to get back to my bed and open them again. He somehow climbs into bed, still holding me and sets me in between his legs so I can lean back into his chest. He laces both our hands together and loosely wraps his arms around my stomach, so as not to hurt my arms by stretching them too far. I take a deep breath as I feel myself mostly relax.

"I didn't let the paramedics through right away. I didn't want them to go through. I didn't believe that my mother was dead. I just knew that she would wake me up any minute and tell me we were at the aquarium. That we made it there safely. That it was only a bad dream."

I take a shaky breath.

"Eventually I was dragged away. I watched them check all of their pulses and silently shake their head after each one. I stood there in shock, just watching and not doing anything. I let another paramedic check me out while I sat there. It wasn't until I saw a body bag come out that I reacted. I had screamed for my family to come back. I was sedated soon after."

I didn't even know I was tense until I started to relax again after I feel Four kiss the top of my head.

"I woke up in the hospital. I didn't know what I was doing there at first. I didn't know why I was there, how I got there, or why it was only me there and not my family. I thought really hard for a few minutes, willing for the memories to come back. When they did I'd wished I wouldn't have tried to remember. They came and hit me like a truck. It was painful, mentally and physically."

I pause for a moment.

"After that I cried. I still thought it had to be a dream. But I was losing faith quickly. Later when Tori came in, I had to think for several minutes to remember who she was. When I did, the doctor had come in and asked me where I was hurting and checked me over. When he hit a particularly painful spot, my faith dropped to less than 10%. He must have been able to tell. He sat down and explained to me my condition and that the rest of my family was dead before they could even try and save them. I don't think it registered right away. That I was alone."

Tears stream down my face silently.

"When he left, Tori started sobbing. And it's then when I knew it wasn't a dream. And I suddenly was watching memories of Caleb and I playing, my father and I doing charity work together, my mother and I playing the piano together, and of all of us together for celebrations in slow motion it seemed like. And shortly after, I felt my life shatter before me. There only were a few people left that I cared about. Tori and my two best friends at the time."

Four rests his chin on top of my head. I relax a bit again from my tense position and focus on him for a minute. His breathing, his fingers laced with my own, his hands around my stomach. Then I start talking again.

"Once I was out of the hospital, I stayed home for who knows how long. I didn't keep track. Everyday was agony. I could barely pull myself out of bed and upright each day. I went through the motions of life each day, not really focusing on anything. After a while, I felt like I could go to school for at least part of the day. When I got there I immediately started looking for Hailey and Taylor-"

"Hailey and Taylor?"

"My 'best friends'," I say, wiggling my fingers before and after the words best friends.

"Ok," he says.

"I started looking for them. I finally saw them talking to someone else. When they saw me they started insulting me. I don't remember the exact words they said. But they took turns finishing each other's sentences. I think they said something about me crying and needing to go cry to my mom. And that whoops! I didn't have one. And something about never wanting to be my friend and me being a bitch and an attention seeking whore."

Four's hands noticeably tighten around me and I squeeze his hands gently. He starts to relax.

"I'm sorry. Go on," he says.

"You're okay. But after their string of insults I walked out of the circle that had surrounded us. There were a few kids who weren't laughing and just looked at me helplessly; like they wanted to do something but didn't know what. As I walking out, Eric's voice whispered to me that it was my fault they died and I deserved. After that I ran back home but luckily Tori didn't notice me being home early since she was at work."

I feel Four taking deeper breaths than usual and I know he's trying to calm himself down.

"I went back. Eric and his posse would beat me up each day and tell me it was my fault. I fought back until I actually believed what they were saying. Then I just let them hit, kick, slap, or throw me everyday for 6 months. After the end of the school year, Eric had told me that he would find me. Even if I moved to a different city, he would find me and said that I better hope God is on my side when he does. I went home with the last thing being said to me by him was that it was my fault."

Four stays silent after I'm done. I let him collect his thoughts. I know it was a lot to take in. And I still left things out. Like that I tried to commit suicide, that I don't eat, and that I cut. He finally says something after about 5 minutes of silence.

"Please tell me you don't believe him. Please tell me you know none of what happened to you was your fault."

I tense up and stay quiet, neither confirming or shooting down the statement.

"You're kidding me, right?"

His fingers untangle from mine and he grabs my waist and gently turns me around so I'm facing him. I see shock, disbelief, and slight anger in his eyes.

"Please say you're joking."

I look down. What do I say?

"Oh, God. Tris. How the hell did you manage to pin the blame on yourself? How is this even remotely close to being your fau-"

"Because it is my fault!" I yell before I can help it.

"No it's not Tris! Why the hell would it be your fault?!" He yells back.

"If I wouldn't have shrugged off that car on the first place and warned my family, my dad would have gotten us out of the way and to the aquarium safely!"

I step out of bed for the first time on my own and find I can stand by myself. Four slides out of bed too as we stand a couple feet from each other, screaming our hearts out.

"Or he couldn't have! That car was going to hit someone with the way it was driving! It was coming too fast for anyone to be able to get over!"

"No it wasn't! I could've saved them!"

"No you couldn't have Tris!"

Tears start to trickle down my face. How can he not see that it's my fault?!

"Yes, I could have! What if I had called 911 sooner instead of making some bystander do it later than I could have!? What if they had gotten there earlier and saved at least one of them!?"

"There was no saving them Tris! It wasn't like they would've been any better after you woke up! They were already gone by the time you woke up!"

"Mom wasn't! They could've saved her! But I wouldn't let the paramedics get to her! I kept pushing them away from her because I was being selfish and wanted her all to myself so I could look at her!"

"Tris, she was in a head-on collision! She died in front of you! She was gone! They couldn't have done anything!"

"Yes they could have!" I scream.

"They could have gotten her in an ambulance and rushed her to the hospital right away! They could've given her blood and oxygen and restart her heart! She could be alive right now if it weren't for me!"

"Tris! It is NOT your fault! It is not your fault you were on that road at that time! The paramedics couldn't have done anything!"

"But it IS my fault that we were on the road at that time! I wanted to go to the f***ing aquarium! If I just would have gone shopping or thrown a party like anyone else would have my age, they wouldn't be dead! I would still have my friends and I wouldn't be broken! My family would be with me right now instead of in the ground hundreds of miles away! IT'S MY FAULT FOUR! How can you not see that?!"

More tears stream down my face, but mostly out of frustration.

"How can you see that it's not your fault! You said you'd still have your 'friends'. Would you really want them as your friends?! Now that you know what they're capable of?! Would you want to still be living somewhere where you were raped and beaten?!"

"If it meant having my family alive, then yes! I could have gotten through anything if I still had the three most important people in my life with me!"

"You said you were pushing it away! You were compartmentalizing it Tris! You can't do that! You never would have gotten over that the way you were dealing with it!"

"I could've talked to Caleb more! I could've and I would've! So shut up! You don't know who I was! I was someone completely different from the person you know! The person you know is weak, ugly, selfish, a coward, violent, and stupid! The person I used to be was happy, selfless, brave, courageous, strong, beautiful, peaceful, and colorful! It was my fault I changed!"

"The hell Tris?! You never would have gotten over it completely! Not by walking past Eric each day! Not by having your apparent 'friends' eventually turn on you! If they insulted you after your family died they never would have stayed by your side! So how is it your fault you changed!?"

"It any fault I changed! I chose to change! But I wouldn't have had to change if I didn't do so many other things! It's my fault we were on that road that day! It is my fault that they died! It's my fault I didn't stay friends with Hailey and Taylor! I could've been a better friend! I could've been more like them! If I was more like them I would've been with my family right now!"

"Maybe! Maybe you would have! Who says that there wouldn't have been another crash in another day that ended the same way?!"

"It wouldn't have happened! It's all my fault! Why is that so hard for you to believe!?"

"Because you're wrong! It's not your fault! None of it is your fault!"

"It's my fault I screwed Tori's life up! It's my fault she'll never be the same! It's my fault that she worries about me every damn day! It's my own fault I don't eat! It's my own fault that I cut myself! It's my own fault I tried to kill myself! It's my fault! Nobody else's! Mine!"

The screaming match suddenly stops and I wonder why until I realize what I just said. Just like that, every secret that I have was out in the open because of my loud mouth.

My eyes are wide and I suck in a breath.

"Oh my God..." I whisper.

Because of one stupid fight that I took to the next level, my secrets were out of my steel armor and brick wall. Because of one little slip up. Because of one stupid fight that I could have avoided by lying and saying I didn't believe Eric. One stupid fight that went too far. One stupid fight that started because of me.

It was my fault my secrets were out. The secrets that I never had planned on Four finding out. The secrets I tried so desperately to keep to myself and Tori were out in the open, waving around in the air in between Four and I, just pleading to be found and remembered.

Four's eyes are shocked and bigger than I've ever seen them before. I start to shake my head. I can't believe what I just did. I guess I can add Four's name to the list of lives I've screwed up. The long, long, list of names.

I stumble backward until I hit a wall. I suddenly feel dizzy and nauseous. I tightly grip the solid piano beside me, looking for something to keep me up. Four still stands there in shock. My stomach starts doing flips and I stumble into the bathroom and close and lock the door behind me. I throw up the little to nothing I had in my stomach.

What did I just do?

I'm sorry...no nevermind. I'm not that sorry. BWAHAHAHA! Don't kill me please. I'm going through enough pain right now with my teeth anyways. Just remember that. Anyways...THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR 198 REVIEWS! How did I get this far guys? Well that answer is obvious. Your support. But I honestly just started LTLTI because of a small idea. I actually went clear off the plot line that I had planned. But that's okay. In my opinion it's better to be creative with your plot line and if you stray from it, then that's okay! As long as you still enjoy what you're writing, then do whatever you have to do to keep you motivated.

I'll have Chapter 21 posted very soon. I am extremely motivated right now because for one, all I can do is sit around for the next 5 days. And two, I'm getting to the good parts. Don't you guys think so? I guess I also feel a little bad for leaving you like that...that can be a third reason. But I could've kept going and going and going, but I decided I better stop before it became a 15,000 word chapter. Which would've been very easy to do. Anyways...can we get to 205 reviews? I can't believe I'm only 2 away from 200...THANK YOU AGAIN GUYS! TO ALL OF YOU! MY READERS, FOLLOWERS, FAVORITERS, AND REVIEWERS! I feel so blessed to have so many people support me for my very first Fanfiction! It motivates me more than you know! So I'm going to leave it at that because I want to start writing Chapter 21! BYE!:):):):)