If Izaya can't
What she was doing was a betrayal. Kanra checked her phone for yet another update only to find there wasn't one. Their missing lover was still missing and either Izaya didn't know where Shizuo was or he did and was hiding some sort of gruesome truth. Shiki popping up like a stalker throughout the tour, only prodded her to make a move. Izaya couldn't find Shizuo. Izaya was the best but he couldn't find Shizuo. If Izaya couldn't...
The moment the tour was over, Kanra found herself walking further into danger, allowing herself to be caught in the clutches of the yakuza. Wordlessly the door to the limo opened. Kanra eyed the darkness within before climbing inside despite her lovers' protests to avoid the man.
"Good evening." Shiki smiled sitting opposite her. The doors closed making her realise just how small the enclosed space was, that she herself had chosen to be in.
"Good evening." Kanra responded fingering the closed switch blade in her pocket. "You've been following me."
"I confess that I have. Your brother wasn't very forthcoming on your whereabouts."
"No, he can be a little possessive." She would most likely be punished if the informant found out what she was doing. "I shouldn't stay here long."
"Quite. I understand the fortissimo is missing." Kanra flinched eyeing the older man wearily. "It's a shame such a strong man was taken down so easily. Heiwajima-kun was the epitome of cool."
"He still is. Izaya might not have found him yet-"
"No luck, hm?" Shiki pounced like a hungry wolf on her slip up. "Perhaps all you need is better facilities. After all you haven't looked yourself. Have you?"
"I have other things to do. Izaya is the best."
"Only because you don't know better." Shiki shuffled closer to the edge of the seat, stippling his fingers. "You could outshine the informant." Kanra shivered blocking out the man's poison. She still wasn't accustomed to adult games. She was learning though. Right now she knew that getting into the limo in the first place was a really bad idea.
"I don't want to. If you'll excuse me. I have to go."
Shiki raised a brow. "Do you want me to drop you off?"
"No thank you." Reaching over Kanra pushed open the door, swinging her legs around to get out.
"Think about my offer." Shiki told her with parting words. Kanra closed the door running away from the limo in hopes no one she or Izaya knew had seen her.
x-x-x
"I'm back!" Kanra called out opening the door.
"Welcome back." Izaya called back. "The Ryugamines?"
"Escorted back to the hotel they're staying at." Kanra sighed closing the door. "Shizuo?"
"Nothing yet. How are you feeling?"
"Tired."
"Ah." Izaya huddled her in his arms. "A nice hot soak should help, hm?"
"I want to help." Kanra twisted trying to speak to her lover. "Two pairs of hands are better than one."
"Ne, I never said anything about not helping. I need you rested and alert." Izaya grinned kissing her cheek.
"Oh." The younger of the pair flushed at the assumption she had made. "Okay. D-do you want to join me?"
"Mm. You're getting brave, aren't you?" Izaya purred sliding his hands around her mid section. "We can't have too much fun without the protozoan."
"...right." Kanra broke away shaking her head. "I'll take one on my own. Find him, please." With yet another plead, Kanra trudged into the bathroom and closed the door.
x-x-x
When she came out it was to see Izaya on the phone. It looked like a serious call judging by the expression on his face. "Yeah...yeah...I know...okay...ah, Kanra."
"Everything okay?"
"Hm? Oh that? It's nothing you need to get involved in." Izaya was shutting her out. "Ne, can I ask you something?"
Kanra gasped knowing she had been caught out. Of course Izaya would find out about her little impromptu meeting with Shiki. That however wasn't it.
"Come. Sit with me." Kanra made her way over to her lover's desk, taking a seat on his lap. "What's your psychological state like, hm? It hasn't been easy for you. Have you developed a gender disorder?"
Kanra hung her head in shame. Izaya had helped her out from the start, giving her a new lease on a more interesting life. Wanting to be a boy again wasn't anything shameful. At least it shouldn't be.
"I see. Shizu-chan knew, hm? There are men's clothes hidden under yours." Izaya murmured quietly resting a hand on her knee. "There is no going back. This is your life now. Or do you regret it?"
"No! I-I'm sorry."
"Ne, Kanra. Do you love me?"
"Yes."
"And Shizu-chan?"
"Yes. I love both of you." Kanra clutched the hem of her shorts.
"Is that enough? You don't feel like you're being suppressed?" Izaya asked fingertips dancing across the skin of her knee. "Masaomi-kun seems to think you want the company of a woman. What do you think?"
Kanra flushed violently. "No! I have the two of you. It's all I want. Why are you being mean, Izaya-nii?" Kanra whined childishly. It was usually the way to cut things short.
"I see. That's okay then." Izaya smiled. The interrogation was over. "If you don't feel comfortable in women's clothes, I can find something else for you."
"Really?" Kanra brightened smiling hopefully at Izaya.
"Yeah. No frills or over the top colours. I'll tell you what, tomorrow you can wear those clothes that Shizu-chan tried to hide from me."
"Really?" She asked dubiously.
"Really." Izaya confirmed.
"You're not going to take them off?"
"Not unless you want me to." Kanra smiled swinging her legs.
"Thanks, Izaya."
x-x-x
The two of them sat at their desks ringing around the hospitals, listening to the news and chasing down bogus leads on the message boards.
Kanra put the phone down after another dead end. She had a suspicion that Shiki was involved, Masaomi too. So why weren't they confronting one or the other? Surely that was the best way to get an answer.
"Break time." Izaya sighed removing his glasses and setting them on the desk. The raven stretched his arms up over his head as he stood. "Do you want anything?"
Kanra wheeled her own chair away miserably. "No. I'm not-"
"That's not allowed. When Shizu-chan comes back, he won't be happy that you're skipping meals. You barely had anything for dinner." Izaya scolded lifting her like a sack of potatoes over his shoulder. "You can help."
"Put me down!" Kanra cried flailing wildly. "Izaya! Put me down!"
"Are you going to eat?" The informant asked patting her butt.
"Yes! Yes I'll eat!" The room span as she was quickly settled on her feet.
"Good. Hopefully there's some tuna left over~!" Izaya grinned. Kanra stopped in her tracks staring at her lover like he had another head. "What?"
"You have left over tuna?" Izaya never had left over tuna. It was gone within minutes.
"Probably. It was a busy day." The informant shrugged skipping into the kitchen. "Ah ha! Here we are." Kanra smiled shaking her head in disbelief. With a smile she took out her phone snapping a picture. "Hey!"
"It's for Shizuo. He's not going to believe me when I tell him."
"Fine." Izaya sulked taking his tuna. "There are only three pieces left. You can't have any." Kanra smiled peering into the fridge. "Ah! Don't touch Shizu-chan's pudding cups."
"I know." Kanra could see the permanent marker over them in Shizuo's writing. "This one runs out today. He wouldn't want it to go to waste." Taking the pudding cup, Kanra smiled.
"I'll make the drinks, hm?" Izaya took out the instant cocoa. "Looks like we need to go shopping. Shizu-chan will throw a fit if he doesn't have his way."
"Yeah. Izaya, we'll find him. Right?"
"Of course." Kanra smiled but she didn't feel any better. Izaya's promise felt empty.
x-x-x
Did Izaya care? Kanra knew it was unfair to be asking such a thing. Izaya did care. So then why was he sleeping like a curled up cat against her? Shouldn't he be pounding away at the keyboard?
Kanra sat up shivering at the lack of warmth. She needed Shizuo's bigger frame, his warm arms and the deep chuckle that reverberated pleasantly through her ears.
"Go to sleep." Izaya murmured moving closer. "We'll start fresh in the morning." Kanra paused shuffling back down under the covers. She had to believe in Shizuo, she had to trust in Izaya. It was all that she could do.
x-x-x
It felt strange. After an age of wearing snug fitting panties, Kanra tugged on a pair of new boxers. Izaya stood in the door frame watching her. "Are you really okay with this?" She found herself asking, still dubious.
"Yeah. It's good once in a while. We won't be leaving the apartment today so it's not like it matters what you dress like." Izaya skipped forward tugging open the drawer. "You'll look good in this hooded sweatshirt oh and these shorts. Hm, the protozoan actually has some taste."
Kanra clutched the clothes. "I'm not a dress up doll!"
Izaya simply chuckled ruffling her hair. "I'll leave you to it."
Sitting on the bed, Kanra pulled on the knee length shorts. The sweatshirt followed. Lastly was the white socks to keep her feet warm. Satisfied with the clothes, the raven hopped from the bed running into the living room. "Tada."
Izaya snapped a pic lowering his phone. "For Shizu-chan." He murmured before she could say anything. "Protozoan probably won't believe I let you dress like that. I have a few urgent cases to take care of. I'll leave Shizu-chan to you."
Kanra was floored. "What? You're giving up?"
"No, I'm taking a break. My clients aren't ones to mess around." Izaya shrugged.
"But-"
"I'll resume the search when I'm done."
Kanra clenched her fists, seething at Izaya's lack of care towards their situation. If Izaya didn't want to find Shizuo... If Izaya couldn't find Shizuo...
"Don't look at me like that. The requests are from Shiki." Izaya sighed. "He already appeared yesterday. It was lucky you weren't here."
"...Shiki-san?" Kanra mumbled quietly.
"Yeah. Be careful when you go outside, he might try and talk to you. Better me than you, ne?"
Kanra hung her head in shame. Izaya was doing everything he could. It wasn't fair to blame him. Still it was Shiki preventing her lover from searching for Shizuo. If anyone was to blame it was her.
"Kanra, should you be dawdling? Shizu-chan is waiting." Izaya ruffled her hair returning to his desk. Her lover was a master, graceful fingers poised above the keyboard. The faint clacking of the keys was a symphony of Izaya's talent. A talent she couldn't dare to match.
Silently Kanra stepped over to her own desk, fingering the power button. Her system whirled as it came to life, taking its time to load. Glancing to the side, she could see Izaya's brow was furrowed, pinched between finger and thumb. It was her fault. Shiki was overloading Izaya to prove his power over the informant. "I'm sorry."
"Hm?"
"I'm sorry. Shiki-san contacted me yesterday." Izaya visibly stiffened, pinching at the bridge of his nose. When he looked at her it was with a genuine sad smile.
"No, this is my fault. I should have warned you. What did he want?" Kanra shook her head not wanting to say. Izaya respected her privacy letting it go.
Wanting to change the subject, the younger raven thought about Shizuo and the reason for their lover's capture. Izaya had point blank refused to talk about Kasuka. Celty hadn't wanted to either, since it looked like she had stolen away the precious seconds that Shizuo could be saved. Eventually it was Shinra that told him, the disgraced actor had booked himself into rehab where he couldn't be tempted to hurt anyone else.
To Izaya and Celty that didn't make a difference but Kanra knew Shizuo would be proud of the choice his little brother had made to fix things. Shaking herself out of her thoughts, Kanra buckled down resuming her search for the fortissimo.
x-x-x
Izaya's business wasn't going so well. Kanra watched the informant rub at his eyes again, mumbling to himself. She stopped herself from reaching out in favour of chasing down a lead. She was going after Masaomi as they should have done in the first place.
It was coming up to lunch time, a phone call had Izaya shooting up from the desk. "Kanra, I need you to come with me." Before she could ask what was going on, her coat was tossed to her, Izaya putting on his own.
"But I'm dressed like-"
"Doesn't matter. Everyone knows you're Kanra Orihara. You can dress however you want."
"...okay. Is this-" Izaya was already ushering her out of the open door, keys in hand.
x-x-x
Kanra had thought it would be a lead to finding Shizuo. So why were they at the train station? Looking to Izaya for guidance, she found none. Her lover's poker face was up.
The two of them cut through the bustling crowd until Kanra spotted a familiar couple. "You should say goodbye, ne?"
"They're leaving? Already?"
"Yeah. They have their closure thanks to you. Anything you want to say, you can say now." Izaya rested a comforting hand on her shoulder.
"Oh." Kanra blushed staring down at her feet.
"Orihara-san, thank you." Mikado's father shook Izaya's hand.
The four of them looked at the train that had arrived at the platform. Mikado's parents were going home. "No problem." The informant murmured leading them to the train. "Safe journey."
The pair boarded the train standing close to the doors. A few more moments to talk. Kanra stood in front of Izaya, his lover's arms draped over his shoulders. "Ne, Mikado-kun." Gentle fingers combed through her hair. "Don't come back." A harsh push in the centre of her back sent her flying into the couple's arms.
Before she realised what was going on the doors closed. Kanra tried to run from the train, held back in Mikado's father's arms. Her eyes widened seeing her wig in Izaya's hand. The informant was smiling as he waved, tears rolling down his cheeks. The doors closed, Kanra finally released, rushed over trying to open them.
Underneath her the train jerked to life, slowly rolling away from the platform. "No!" She cried banging on the door. "Let me off!" Izaya was out of sight now. Kanra ran through the carriages trying to get back to the starting point, Izaya wouldn't throw her away. He wouldn't.
The informant was possessive almost obsessed over her. Izaya wouldn't let her go. "Mikado." The platform was gone now. Kanra sank to her knees, tears rolling down her cheeks, hand pressed uselessly against the glass. "Mikado." She didn't respond as the elderly woman wrapped her arms around her trembling shoulders. She had lost Shizuo and now Izaya.