Once bitten
After Mikado's exit...
That was it. Everything was over. The game had played out, the result determined and their precious lover whisked away to safety. The aftermath of those left behind though was brutal. Izaya stood numbly at the platform staring after the departed train. Reaching up he used the sleeve of his jacket to wipe away the tears streaking down his cheeks. "Strange." The informant murmured. He didn't recall ever feeling so empty. It was as if a piece of him had been ripped away.
The world however moved on. The parting of his lover was huge but to the rest of humanity, it was a pebble in an ocean. It would be another hour for the next train. A train going to the same destination. Izaya stared down at his feet perplexed. His legs refused to work. Still it was okay. He still had an hour to walk away, to make sure he didn't break his promise to the Ryugamines.
It was safer for Mikado to go back to normality. His parents would stop him from jumping off at the next stop. The teen wouldn't be back nor could Izaya follow after him. "...ah. Shizu-chan needs to know." The informant brushed his sleeve against his cheek. At the thought of his lover, a different emotion settled in his heart. Izaya clenched his fists, an icy cold calm blanketing the small flare of excitement and relief of seeing his lover again.
x-x-x
Calmly the informant skipped along the corridor stopping in front of the door. Slowly he reached out, lightly knocking on the door. Waiting patiently, the door opened.
"Yes-" smiling sweetly Izaya jammed his foot in the opening of the door, giving Kasuka his best 'I'll try not to kill you' smile. The actor was no match for him.
"Orihara-san." The monotone voice croaked showing a tinge of fear. "How-?"
"Did I find this place? Know it was you that took Shizu-chan?" Izaya was still smiling despite the urge to embed his knife repeatedly in the younger Heiwajima's back. "You look in good health."
"...yes, I-"
"Do yourself a favour and don't lie to me. Where is Shizu-chan?"
"...Through there. In the bedroom." Izaya nodded striding past. "Don't. I'll explain everything."
"No, I think I'll hear it from both of you." Izaya grinned pushing open the door to the bedroom. "Hey, Shizu-chan. Still feeling confused? Ah. There's a phone. You didn't think to call me?"
"Izaya!" His lover uttered his name in shock.
"Me. I have a theory and I'm hoping you can tell me I've got it all wrong. Because if I haven't..." Leaving the threat linger, Izaya pulled Kasuka into the room, pushing him roughly to the floor. "Let's recap, shall we? From the beginning..."
"Izaya..." The blonde stared at him in confusion. For now the informant paid no mind to the less than subtle changes.
"Kanra thinks you're cheating, instead it turns out it's actually your addict of a brother and you're doing everything possible to make sure he's okay." Izaya held up a finger indicating his first point.
Both brothers remained silent.
"When we find out the truth, Kasuka-kun here gets taken to Shinra and you still visit. Count the three whole days you spent with him and then you pass out only to disappear from the hospital. I can't believe I fell for it. Of course Kasuka-kun is an actor!" Izaya shot a glare at the actor.
"So the question is when did Shizu-chan know his precious baby brother was lying?"
"Not until I was taken to Kishitani-san." Kasuka answered quietly. "I really did get forced to take the first. Instead of confessing I continued meeting the guy that wanted to hurt nii-san."
"Shizu-chan? Is this true?"
"Huh? Yeah. I found out before I let Kasuka drug me." Izaya raised a brow.
"Let? You let Kasuka drug you?"
"Yeah. It was a chance to flush that brat out. Kasuka was watching over me, the same with Shinra. He would've noticed if anything happened."
"But he didn't. The drug did its work making you believe everyone had turned against you. Then after you passed out, Kasuka-kun had his friends take you to safety?"
"Yeah." Kasuka answered.
"Why?" Izaya asked dismissing the confused blonde for now. "Why go so far when you could have just asked for help in the beginning?"
"Nii-san was worried about Kanra-chan. Each time we spoke he mentioned how worried he was."
"That has nothing to do with you." Izaya spat twirling his knife. "Your punishment is yet to come. Get out."
Kasuka stared up at him pleadingly. "Please, don't hurt nii-san."
"OUT!" Izaya thundered pointing at the door. Kasuka quickly stood fleeing from the room.
"Izaya?"
"Shizu-chan." Izaya clutched the hilt of his knife, stalking towards the bed. "Feeling better?"
"Kasuka says I'm getting there. Not paranoid anymore." Shizuo sighed. Izaya smiled. No not paranoid, not anything. The blonde didn't pick up on his mood or the danger he would be in.
"That's what happens when you take drugs, ne?"
"Guess so. Kanra not with you?"
"...no."
"I suppose that's a good thing. She'll only worry." Shizuo sighed.
"Suppose so. Shizu-chan, repeat after me. Kasuka-kun is an idiot."
"Huh? Why do I want to say that?"
"To confirm you're back to normal." Izaya hopped onto the bed, straddling his lover's thighs. "Come on."
"Kasuka-kun is an idiot."
"Good. Next one. Shizu-chan is a protozoic moron."
"Tch. Charming." The blonde grumbled. "Shizu-chan is a protozoic moron."
"That will not be forgiven." Izaya smiled as he spoke.
"That will not be forgiven. I can hear everything fine now."
"Good." Izaya grinned. "I'd hate it if you took everything I say the wrong way. I suppose a congratulations are in order. You knew about Kasuka and decided to go along with it. I thought you had really been taken. I thought something had happened..."
"Flea..."
"I called Mikado's parents." Izaya chuckled. "I thought it was the best thing to do given the threats that kept popping up. I put our lover on the train back home. I did that for his safety." Izaya clutched the knife tighter. "I did that because of you!"
"Kanra's gone?" Shizuo echoed.
"Yeah. That just leaves me and you. I'm angry Shizu-chan. I'm angry and not in the forgiving mood. So you're going to lay there and let me inflict whatever I want on you. Because if it's not you, I'll hurt my humans. Do you understand?"
Izaya's hand quivered, unable to keep the blade pressed against the blonde's throat still. This was the best option, for everyone's sake. In his current mood he was likely to do something dangerous, stupid and reckless. Something like taking Shiki out.
"...I understand." The blonde muttered quietly. "Do what you have to. I started this. If I hadn't said anything to Kasuka..."
"Shizu-chan, don't play the hero. I keep telling you it doesn't suit you." Izaya tugged the comforter down, tearing at the buttons of the blonde's nightshirt. "Until I say enough, you're nothing but my bitch."
x-x-x
Rough play. It was something they did as a tribute to the old days. The heart racing throb of adrenaline and pain blended into one. Izaya had managed to perfectly induce it into their sex life. Izaya got off on causing the pain and Shizuo took it.
Today wasn't about the old days. Shizuo felt that at the first stroke of the blade, sharp across the scar that had never been allowed to heal. Like the red string of fate, the blonde had never been able to stop scratching at it, easing the scab off each time. Shizuo knew it was his collar, the mark of possession belonging only to Izaya. The first original cut had been made in defence, a greeting of their first meeting and cocky way to tell him he was weak.
Thanks to Kanra the mark had been renewed as one of love, still possession but the first thing Izaya sought to cut along each time they were intimate together. This wasn't anything like that. Shizuo clenched his fists at his side, grit his teeth and tried not to scream or defend himself. Izaya's knife this time was meant to hurt. To tear into the several layers of skin until the informant could gouge out his heart in vengeance of his betrayal.
The night shirt Kasuka had got him was useless and now covered in droplets of his own blood. Shizuo closed his eyes. He didn't have to right to get angry. This was his punishment. There were no words of apology. Not from him and certainly not from Izaya. Shizuo had known what he was doing when he had found out the truth and agreed to go along with his brother's lie.
Glancing down at his chest, Shizuo could feel the sharp tip of the knife cut down deep. Izaya's shaky hand moved fluidly across his skin like butter. What was on his chest he didn't know. The growing pool of blood obscured everything from view. Shizuo stared at it wondering how far it would go. Already thin trails of blood were falling along his side, seeping along the edge of his back. Still neither one of them spoke.
He didn't move a muscle or so much as blink when the bloodied blade danced lightly across his throat. Shizuo could feel it though. The wet warmth of his own blood. Outside the door he could hear the occasional knock, braved by his younger brother.
Izaya's hand rested in the small pool gathered at his chest. Shizuo watched as one creamy hand stained red, painfully dragged through the many deep cuts, down his belly.
The blonde knew what was coming. Knew the moment he risked gazing up into his lover's eyes. "I want to kill you, Shizuo."
"I know." Shizuo answered.
"I hate you!" Izaya spat through gritted teeth.
"I know." Shizuo switched his gaze between the anger in Izaya's eyes and the blade ready to plunge down above him.
"I can't forgive you!"
"I know." Shizuo dug his nails into his palm, clenching his fists tighter. The pain Izaya was going through wasn't something he wanted.
"...I love you."
"I love you too." Shizuo answered truthfully.
"...I hate that I still love you." Izaya shook his head, tears welling in his eyes unbidden.
"...I know." Shizuo hissed at Izaya's nails scratching over his abdomen. Izaya shuffled back tearing the covers from his legs. Shizuo simply stared at his boxers, watching as the elastic was cut from his waist.
"Why? Why did you confide in Kasuka-kun?" Izaya asked in barely a whisper.
"Because you wouldn't listen." Shizuo smiled sadly, his own tears glistening.
The informant laughed tearing the remains of his boxers away. The knife fell against the covers, Izaya hands on his butt cheeks, thumbs spreading his them apart. The pain was still nothing compared to what his lover was going through.
Shizuo already expected for things to go this way. Izaya liked to hurt him in the most intimate way possible. He can feel it, the brutal friction of his inner walls as his lover shoved past the tight ring of muscle. He can't bring himself to utter a single cry or complaint. Not when he deserves it.
Shizuo deserves everything Izaya gives him. Not love or kindness but the sensation of being ripped apart, the sharp crescent shaped nails stabbing into his thigh. There's no preparation as usual, there never is. This time is different. This time it's meant to hurt.
It does. Each thrust and pull back stings, pushing against the soreness of his torn ring. Shizuo bites his lip closing his eyes, telling himself he deserves it. That it's his fault. There's a metallic scent around him mixing with Izaya's own strange scent. Coupled with the iron taste in his mouth, it's a heady potent mix bringing out the masochist in him.
It's a side Kanra never sees- would have never have been allowed to or else the dynamic of their relationship would have been in danger. It doesn't matter now. Kanra is gone...and so is Izaya. Shizuo knows that all too well.
The informant is crying, a sight that stabs into his heart. His betrayal and the loss of their lover has destroyed their relationship. Izaya isn't enjoying this, neither is he. It's the end. Shizuo can feel it in the desperate uncontrolled thrusts. Izaya hasn't kissed him- he doesn't deserve it. This is punishment, there's no room for sweetness.
The feeling of fulfilment isn't satisfying in the least. It doesn't leave him weak at the knees or his nerves thrumming. Shizuo feels tired and empty as Izaya pulls out thankfully flaccid.
"...this will be the last time." The informant murmurs reaching into his pocket. "Best make it last, ne?" With a sad cruel smile Izaya shakes the small pot noting what it says on the label. Viagra. Because it's over. Izaya had decided that before he had arrived. His lover was repulsed by him, enough so that he had to use medication to get an erection. "Get up."
Shizuo does so mechanically, the drying blood from his chest trickling down his stomach. Izaya grabs a fistful of hair at the back of his neck, forcing his head forward. "Suck." The raven commands. Shizuo doesn't think Izaya has ever hated him so much, not even when they were enemies.
x-x-x
Izaya knows when to call it quits. The effects of the meds have worn off. Shizuo is laying on the bed sheets covered in a mix of blood and semen finished off with a layer of perspiration. The blood has all but dried and once the blonde washes it off, he'll see Izaya's name carved through layers of skin.
It goes without saying that the protozoan will treat it like the other mark. A precious reminder of their time together. The brute always was sentimental like that. Izaya waves a hand in front of the blonde's face but Shizuo stares blankly at the wall ahead.
With a sigh the informant zips himself up hovering over the blonde. The rage is still there and Izaya knows if he stays any longer, he may well kill the blonde. "...you're going?" Shizuo asks in monotone.
"Yeah. Goodbye Shizu-chan." Izaya debates whether or not to have one last kiss, choosing to do so before leaving the room.
Kasuka stares at him anxiously, nursing a kitchen knife. "...nii-"
"What did Shizu-chan want to know?" Izaya cuts the actor off.
"Nii-san asked me how I coped with acting a role? He wanted to know if I blended in with the character. I told him I could feel myself disappear letting the role play out itself."
"Ridiculous." Izaya shook his head. All that for a pointless theory. "Kasuka-kun, take care of Shizu-chan." Izaya put his knife caked with Shizuo's blood inside his pocket.
Reaching the door he heard a sharp intake and a soft gasp. "Nii-san!" Shaking his head Izaya clutched the handle, opening the door.
"Good bye, Shizu-chan." Stepping outside the informant closed the door to stop anyone else getting inside. Without a backwards glance the raven trudged down the corridor bidding farewell to his other lover. He managed to hold on until reaching the elevator. Behind the thick metal doors, Izaya wept.