Learning To Let Them In

by aubreylovesthegames

Tris is broken. She is alive, but she isn't living. One day took everyone from her. She and her guardian, Tori, decide to move to Chicago for a fresh start. Tris pushes away everyone she meets, not wanting any 'friends', but that becomes a little difficult when the boy next door, Four, slowly starts to break her walls down, piece by piece. What will happen? Will Tris let them in?

30. Chapter 30

I'm back! Sorry it took a while!:/ School and softball had been pretty hectic, along with work in the summer now….but I'm back now, so that's what counts right? Plus...a softball team was short of players and asked me if I could join for the summer. So I've been busy with that. And I just got back from visiting my uncle in Kansas City, which is about 3 ½ hours away from where I live sooo….yeah.

Have any of you seen Allegiant…? I did with my best friend a few weeks ago. She and I are (obviously) big fans of the trilogy, but I am sad to say that both of us were extremely disappointed. She literally fell asleep during it. I was extremely bored with it too, so I couldn't really blame her. It was extremely confusing and seemed to jump from one thing to another without explaining anything. Maybe it's just me, but it seemed to stray so far from the book that I didn't even recognize it as Allegiant. It really makes me sad and I'm not even sure if I want to see Ascendant. I'm sure I will, but I'm afraid I'll just be even more disappointed with it. Then again, maybe that was just me. If you've seen it, please tell me your thoughts on it, because I'm curious to know your guys' opinions of the movie.

Anyways, back to the main topic! Here is Chapter 30 everybody! This one is not the most exciting chapter I've written, so don't say I didn't warn you!

Disclaimer: If I owned Divergent, I wouldn't have let the writer/director give off an impression of my books like that with the movie….but they did. So I obviously don't own the Divergent Trilogy.

Chapter 30

Tris' POV

"Tris, are you okay?" I hear Christina asking.

I turn my head towards her, Lynn, Uriah, and Zeke. They all look concerned, even Lynn. I look at my hands and see they're shaking a bit. I clench them into fists in an attempt to get them to stop. I realize that I must look unlike myself. I'm probably pale and look like a deer in headlights from the encounter. I close my eyes and take a deep breath before looking at them again. I feel a bit of color return to my face and I try to erase any traces of being afraid from my expression.

"Yeah...I'm fine," I lie.

My head is pounding and I realize that during all of the adrenaline pumping through me, I hadn't noticed that my head hit the brick wall as well as my shoulders when Eric shoved me into it. I casually run my fingers over the back of my head where it would have hit, and feel a small bump forming. I put my hand back down and look at the ground.

Uriah steps forward and places his hand on my shoulder. I wince at the pain it brings and flinch away from him. Uriah frowns. He pushes the fabric covering my shoulder down slightly. I try to pull away but he just tugs me by my sleeve right back to him. He looks at it again and frowns even more.

"What are you looking at?" Zeke asks and steps forward as well. He looks at my shoulder and frowns as well when he sees what Uriah is seeing. I can only guess that what they're seeing is either a large red spot or a bruise already forming.

"He freaking bruised her," Uriah angrily says to Zeke and the other two. I'm surprised at his reaction but when I look at Zeke, I see that he has the same expression as Uriah.

"He did what?!" Christina says and steps towards me with Lynn. I look down and feel myself flush at the sudden attention. I feel Christina's fingers on my other shoulder and don't bother to try and fight her when she pushes the edge of that fabric down as well.

"He left a bruise on this shoulder too," Lynn quietly states.

They stare for a little longer, then I feel my shoulders being covered up again and risk looking back up. They're all staring at me and I flush again.

"It's not that big of a deal guys…." I say.

"Not that big of a deal?" Christina says unbelievingly.

"Tris, he bruised you," Uriah seethes.

"It's a big deal, Tris," Zeke follows up.

I bite my lip and stay quiet.

"Who was he?" Uriah asks.

"An ex," I lightly say, leaving out any details.

"Name?" Lynn asks next.

"Does it matter?" I counter back.

"Kinda. Now tell us," Christina demands, staring at me. I stare back for awhile, then sigh.

"Eric," I relent.

"Last?" Lynn asks.

I shake my head. "No. First is enough."

They stay silent for a little bit and look at each

other. They give each other looks and I try to read the silent conversation they're having, but I can't.

"Hey, can I be included in this please?" I say after trying to figure out what they were talking about for a few minutes.

"It's nothing," Zeke says. I frown.

"Then what were the looks for?"

They look at each other again.

"Really?" I ask in exasperation.

Christina is the first to speak up. "Has he hurt you before?"

They've backed me into a corner here. If I lie, Christina will be able to tell; she came from Candor. If I tell the truth, I'm afraid they'll never look at me the same. They might go and tell the others what happened, then go find Eric, and who knows what would happen if they did? And if I stay silent for too long, they'll know the answer. So what do I do?

"Why do you think that?" I ask, trying to change the topic.

"A guy doesn't just leave bruises like that and walk away like nothing happened, unless he's done it before," Lynn says, staring at me.

I fall silent, not knowing what else to do or say.

"I knew it," Uriah growls, taking my silence for an answer.

I stay quiet; I don't want to either confirm or deny the statement. Anything I say is going to be thoroughly examined by both Christina and Uriah. Uriah may not have come from Candor, but I'm sure he could fit in there if he tried. I don't think I've heard him tell a lie yet. Well, unless it was sarcasm or a joke, of course.

"Where did that bastard go?" Uriah follows up, looking around for him as if he would be able to see where he disappeared to.

I shrink back a bit and look down at my feet.

"Don't, Uriah. He'll just get even more mad," I quietly tell him. I look back up at him again. He still looks like he'll go find him. "Don't Uriah. Please."

His face seems to soften, along with everyone else's. They give each other looks again and this time I can follow; they're debating about whether or not to go after Eric, and they're swaying in the direction of not.

They finally look at me again and I can already tell they won't go after him.

Thank the Lord.

"Fine. We won't go looking for him," Uriah says.

"But if he ever bothers you again or you're in trouble, you can expect us to beat the shit out of him," Zeke adds on. I smile a little bit at the comment.

We stand in silence for a moment.

"Christina, we better get going back. They'll suspect something if we aren't back soon. We'll go back first, and you boys stay here with Tris. Once it's been a minute, you can come on back that way we don't all show up at the exact same time; that could set off red flags," Lynn says. I think about this for a moment. It is a pretty smart idea.

"Good idea, Lynn," Christina says for me, as if reading my mind. "Okay, we'll head on back. You sure you're alright, Tris?"

I nod. I'm not actually okay, but the least I can do is act like it.

Right before they leave, I think of something.

"Please don't tell the others. I didn't even want you guys to really know about Eric…so I'd like to keep this a secret. Promise me you won't tell?" I ask quickly.

They exchange a glance, and Zeke looks back at me.

"We won't tell. Promise."

I sigh in relief. That's one thing off my chest.

Christina smiles and hugs me again then she and Lynn walk off towards where the others are, falling into light conversation as they do so.

"You're not actually okay, are you?" Zeke asks a little disbelievingly once Christina and Lynn are out of sight. I look up at him. He has a look of...not pity, thank goodness, but more like...concern.

"I'm fine," I dismissively say.

"Uh-huh," Uriah sarcastically says. I roll my eyes. Maybe I'm not exactly okay, but I am definitely better than I would've been if I was still with Eric.

"Let's get headed back," Zeke says after a minute. We start walking back to where everyone else is, and it's then when I start to think about what could happen if the other half of the gang finds out about this; if Tobias finds out. My stomach drops a bit at the thought of everyone knowing.

No. They won't tell. They promised.

I look at the ground as we walk, one Pedrad boy on either side of me, protecting me, in a way. I find a smile within me knowing I got to see their protective side. I doubt it comes out very often; probably only when someone they love or care about is in trouble.

"Hey guys?" I quietly ask.

Both of their heads snap towards me, as if I were in trouble again, ready to help at a moment's notice. I smile at them.

"I just realized I haven't said thanks yet so….thank you. For getting me out of that."

Both of them stop at the same time and not expecting it, I stumble to a stop a step ahead of them. Uriah smiles, steps forward, and nearly crushes me with a bear hug. Zeke follows suit, crushing me as well. I smile, laugh, and hug them back, feeling just a few tears in my eyes.

"You guys are dorks," I say, but in my mind thinking, "My dorks. You guys are my dorks."

I may not have been friends with these guys for too long, but I don't know what I'd do without them, especially now since they got me out of my...predicament with Eric.

"We know," Zeke says and they both let go of me.

"But really guys….thank you."

"You don't need to thank us for that," Uriah simply says and we start walking again.

"How are your shoulders?" Zeke asks.

"Fine," I say, trying to brush off the topic.

"Cool. The truth now, please?" Uriah somewhat demands.

I sigh. "Sore, but they'll be fine."

We finally get within 20 yards away from the group and I start to walk slower, afraid that Christina and Lynn broke their promise and told them what happened. It doesn't look like the rest of them know; they're laughing and talking.

Shauna happens to see Zeke, Uriah, and me, and points. Their eyes are on us, but they still talk, and they still laugh.

Uriah must notice my hesitance because he throws his arms gently around my shoulders so he doesn't hurt me and plasters a big smile on his face. He talks just loud enough for me to hear.

"I'm telling you a joke that you find very funny. And I'm telling the punchline now."

I follow his lead and laugh, as if he were actually telling me a joke. I immediately thank him in my mind once again.

"Hey you're kind of pale. If anyone asks, our story is I scared you. Laugh again," he commands and takes his arm off my shoulders.

I laugh again, but now I'm focusing on trying to return color back in my face. I don't know if it worked or not, but I can't ask Uriah because we're here with the others now.

"What took you guys so long?" Marlene asks.

Saving me from having to come up with a reply, Uriah answers. "Oh, you know. I had to do my makeup, brush my hair, put perfume on. My beauty isn't just effortless. Unlike yolu girls, I have to work for it," he says in a high pitched voice, obviously joking around. It worked; most of us roll our eyes at him. They don't ask the question again which relieves me. I meet Christina's worried eyes and I can tell that I'm still pale. I look down at the ground and start to draw figures in the dirt with my foot.

"Hey guys, it's already 10:00. By the time we get Tori rounded up, get out of here, and get back to the hotel, it'll be around 11:00. Don't you think we should get going?" Christina says. I know she's doing this for me. She knows I don't want to stay here for much longer.

"Yeah, you're probably right Christina. Let's go find Tori guys," Zeke says, obviously sensing her plan.

Without a word, we all start to walk towards where we found her last time. I'm still looking down at the dirt, not bothering to listen to the conversations. I kick a pebble along the dirt path to keep my mind at bay. I shrug my shoulders very slightly so it's not too noticeable, then wince at the obvious rejection of the movement. I put my hands in my pockets to avoid any further jostling. My head still pounds.

Within a few minutes, the gang finds Tori. I faintly listen to them tell her we're ready to go; I would listen to the gang more carefully, but my thoughts are capturing most of my focus. We start walking back to the cars.

My mind is running wild with thoughts about Eric. The thoughts are mostly ideas of what will happen when he finds me alone. Will he beat me up; throw some punches and call it good for now? Will he make more threats while he has me pinned down somewhere? Will he rub in my family's deaths to me, to make me feel more guilty? Will he….try to...rape me again…?

I shake my head, instantly trying to get rid of that thought from my brain. I try to ignore the arguing in my head following that last thought.

No, no, no, no, no. He won't try to do that again. He can't try that again. He can't.

But he could. He could and he might.

He can't. He would break me even further. He can't. He won't.

But what if he does? What then? I doubt he'd make the mistake of knocking you out again.

He won't.

But he might. And what will happen if he does? What will you do, huh Tris? Just lay down and die?

Actually...that doesn't sound too bad...

"Hey, are you okay?" someone whispers, breaking me from my train of thought..

A hand sets on my shoulder and I instinctively flinch away from it. The hand instantly falls off my shoulder, and I look up to see Four's worried eyes. I stare at him wondering why he's not saying anything, but then I realize he already has. I'm probably only raising his suspicion by not answering yet.

"Yeah," I say.

Too quiet.

I clear my throat and try again. "Yeah, I'm fine."

He stares at me more questioningly than before, eyebrows raised and eyes narrowed, studying me. I cross my arms and look down, kicking a pebble once again. I'm angry at myself for letting Eric still affect me like this. I shouldn't allow him to get into my head; it only makes things worse. Tears prick my eyes for unknown reasons, and it only makes me more insecure and angry with myself.

I can feel Tobias' eyes aimed on me almost the whole way back to the car. I've kicked the same rock all the way here to occupy my mind, but now my focus is back onto Eric.

Why did he have to show up so early into this trip? Why couldn't the world had given me at least one more day?

I hear the car unlocking and open up the door. I'm the first to crawl in, partially because my seat is in the back, partially because I don't want anyone watching me. I'm followed by Tobias, Zeke, Shauna, and Tori. I can faintly hear everyone speaking to each other, but my brain is running too wild to hear what they're saying. It all just sounds like a blur of voices, none of which I pay attention to.

The car starts to move. I grab Caleb's blanket, wrap it around myself, and lean my forehead against the cold window. It feels good against my pounding head. I close my eyes, trying to drown out any thoughts or noise, and lose myself to the silence.

"Tris, c'mon, we're here," a whispering voice says in my ear.

My head still pounds and I silently curse whoever woke me up. I keep my eyes shut and try to go back to sleep, nothing really registering yet.

A hand lands on my shoulder, and that's when I fly up. It throbs with a new pain, almost like there is a burn on top of the bruise. The car is empty, and it's dark outside. My eyes try to adjust to the darkness.

"Hey, it's just me. Relax, Tris," the voice whispers again.

My head turns toward it and I faintly see someone next to me: Tobias. I let out a small sigh of relief and know that it was stupid of me to not have recognized his voice before. He unbuckles my seatbelt for me.

"I'm sorry," I whisper.

"You need to stop apologizing for things you don't need to apologize for."

I stay silent after that. My eyes start to fall back shut, and I realize just how tired I really am.

I lean towards him, and let myself fall, quite literally, into his chest, ignoring my shoulders. One arm tightly wraps around my back while the other goes back to steady himself from my unexpected movement. Once he balances himself, that arm goes around me too.

"Tris, I know you're tired, and you can sleep once we get up to the room, but first you've gotta get up," he gently tells me.

I stay there, too comfortable and secure to want to move. It lasts for about 10 seconds before I'm pestered again.

"C'mon, babe. Get up. Help me out a little here."

I freeze.

He called me babe. Babe.

That's the first time he's ever used the name for me, and I find myself hoping that he will use it again as warmth flows through my body.

I open my eyes and lean back slightly to meet his. He looks a little weary; he's probably wondering if calling me babe was the right thing to do. I smile slightly at him in the darkness. I reach up and kiss the hollow of his throat in assurance. He relaxes at my confirmation. I would have kissed his lips, but given my height, his throat is the only thing I can reach.

"Ok," I whisper.

The seat in front of me is already folded down, so I step out of the car. He follows a moment later and we silently make our way up to the hotel room. My head is still pounding, but I've learned to ignore it at this point.

Eric's voice and threats spread rapidly through my mind like wildfire, and they hurt, but I can't stop myself from thinking about them. Tears sting my eyes, but I grit my teeth and refuse to let them fall.

Not here. Not now.

When we finally get to the door, I'm ready to get in and get to somewhere private so Tobias won't see me like this; I can't let him know something is wrong.

"Tris? Earth to Tris!"

I snap out of my thoughts, but I don't look up at him. I can't. There are still tears in my eyes.

"What?" I ask as steadily as I can.

"Are you okay?" There's a large amount of concern and suspicion in his tone. Too much for my liking.

I nod my head. "Yes. Can we go inside now?"

A lump grows in my throat.

Not here. Not now.

I feel his eyes on me, studying, suspecting, thinking, knowing. Thankfully, he doesn't press me any farther and unlocks the door with the keycard.

Once I'm inside, I toss Caleb's blanket onto the bed. I grab some clothes from my suitcase and head to the bathroom to take a shower without a word.

I turn the shower water on and strip while I wait for it to heat up. I brush my hair out before stepping into the shower. It's then when I allow the tears to finally come out. At least in here, I can pretend that the tears are just droplets of shower water.

I keep my crying silent for the most part, the only noise I make being a sniffle here and there. I stop myself when I turn off the water. There's still more tears to be shed and more sobs to be let out, but this will have to do for now. I can't stay in here for too long or Tobias will suspect something. He probably already does.

I step out, dry myself off with a towel, and slip my clothes on. I quickly brush my hair out. I'm on my way to head out of the bathroom, but I can't stop myself from looking in the mirror. I wipe away the steam and look at this girl staring back at me. Her eyes are bloodshot, she's one skin tone paler than normal, and she looks….numb. I carefully pull each sleeve of my shirt off my shoulder. It reveals patches of vibrant blue and purple. I shrug my shoulders, then wince. It hurts to even move them at this point. I touch one of them carefully, and wince again at the throbbing sensation it brings. I push my sleeves back up and sigh. I look at myself for a little while longer, then head out the door.

"The shower's open," I quietly say to Tobias, who is currently on the bed watching TV.

He looks up at me but I look down at the ground before we make eye contact. He gets out of bed and stops in front of me.

"Tris, you know you can talk to me about anything, right?"

I bite the inside of my cheek and nod. His fingers slide under my chin and tilt it up to meet his eyes. He stares at me for a few moments, sighs, then kisses my forehead before going into the bathroom.

I sigh as I feel guilt creeping up on me. I swallow and try to get rid of the lump in my throat, but it works to no avail. I crawl onto the bed and wrap back up in Caleb's blanket. I bring it up to my nose and take a deep breath in, desperate for comfort. The only thing is, I don't find it.

Caleb's scent is gone.

It's then when I start to cry. My shoulders shake with the effort of keeping my cries silent, only making them throb even more. I close my eyes to prevent some tears from leaking out, but find that at this point it doesn't help all that much.

Sometime in the middle of my breakdown, I hear the shower water stop, and I know I should stop too, before it's too late, but I can't. The bathroom door opens, but I've already failed at my attempt to stop. The bed shifts as an extra person sits down on it, and I know it's Tobias, but I still can't stop crying. I bring my arm up with the blanket and cover up my face. The least I can do is try to hide the tears. I doubt it works very well, though.

I'm suddenly lifted by a pair of arms and I jump at the contact. My shoulders scream at me for the sudden movement. I force myself to relax a moment later because I know it's Tobias. I know I should not jump at the feel of his touch. I know it's not Eric...so why am I this tense?

Moments later I'm placed sideways onto his lap where I quickly transition from burying my face into the blanket to burying it into his shirt.

"What happened?" he murmurs. "What happened?"

I don't answer him; I've dragged him into enough of a mess as it is. I'm not about to drag him into another.

He slowly rocks back and forth as if I was a baby he was putting to sleep. Slowly, very slowly, I drift off to sleep. And I hate myself, because I did something I haven't done in a long time: I cried myself to sleep.

Tobias' POV

It took nearly a half an hour for her to go to sleep. During those 30 minutes, my heart broke for her. Something had to have happened tonight; she wasn't like this at all earlier. In fact, she didn't start acting weird until after she came back from the bathrooms….

I gently set Tris off of my lap and onto the bed. I adjust her blanket and the pillow underneath her head. I then grab my phone and quickly get a new group message started with only 4 people; the people that were with Tris at the bathrooms. Zeke, Uriah, Christina, and Lynn.

Lobby. Now. All of you.

I check on Tris one more time before silently walking out of the room and down to the lobby. I'm really hoping she doesn't wake up until I'm back. Whatever happened tonight was not good, and I'm going to get to the bottom of it.

I find myself pacing while I wait for the others to show up. Zeke shows up first.

"Stop pacing man. You're giving me a headache."

I stop pacing and impatiently wait for the others.

"What's this about, man? What happened to make you text the 4 of us to meet you in the lobby at, like, midnight?" he asks.

I stare at him. "I'm not sure yet."

He looks confused, but then I see something in his eyes that lets me know I was right.

Whatever happened to Tris happened while they were at the bathrooms.

Uriah shows up next. "What do you need, Four?"

"You're about to find out," is the only thing I say to him.

Finally, Christina and Lynn meet up with us. I see Uriah's eyes flick over them, then to Zeke, and I see something dawning on him as well.

"Oh shit," I hear him whisper to himself. I smirk.

Gotcha.

We all wordlessly go to a set of chairs in the back corner; no one can hear us from over here.

"So…." Christina drawls, obviously trying to get rid of the silence.

"So...I know you guys know why you're here right now. There's no use in trying to act like you don't," I state.

All of them look down at the floor, almost guiltily.

"Something happened tonight. Tris has been acting weird ever since you all came back from the bathrooms. She's been incredibly spaced off and has barely said a word to me since then. She wouldn't make eye contact with me unless I forced her to, and she almost acts like she's...what's the word...like she's…" I pause for a moment searching for the correct word. "...numb." I pause again for a moment before continuing. "I took my shower, which only lasted about 5 minutes, and came back to see her curled up on the bed, sobbing."

I stop to let this sink in. I'm hoping to guilt trip them into telling me what happened. If they won't tell me voluntarily, then I have to get the information from them some how. And knowing them, they would've told me right away if it was something serious enough to affect one of their friends like that, unless there was a catch. So, in conclusion, Tris must have created that catch in order for them to be acting torn and guilty like this.

They exchange glances with each other, and this time I can see the guilt in their faces; I can even see it in Lynn's, which surprises me. She never shows any emotion, so whatever happened had to have been fairly bad.

"Anyone want to go first and tell me what the hell happened?"

It stays silent for a few moments as they look at each other again. Finally, Zeke speaks up.

"Listen, man. It's not that we don't want to tell you what happened. That's not it at all."

I find myself getting frustrated. "Then what is it?" I ask, letting my anger filter into my voice. I see Christina wince at my tone as she looks at the others.

"We promised her we wouldn't tell. She made us promise, Four," Christina quietly says.

So that was the catch.

I lean forward and say hostilely, "I don't give a damn about what she made you promise. This is obviously important, and it's affecting her like no one should be affected."

Christina looks down at the floor and I can see a fine layer of tears shine in her eyes. I know she's Tris' best friend; this must be hard for her to be keeping that promise. I can tell they're all contradicted by it. They want to tell, but at the same time, I know they all want to honor the promise they made her. They want to keep Tris' trust and friendship.

I make a mental note to turn any of the anger she feels at them to me once she finds out that they told me what happened. If they tell me, I don't want Tris to think that they told me with no guilt at all. That wouldn't be fair to them.

I take a deep breath and let it out through my nose. "Listen guys, I know that you want to keep her promise. I know how you guys feel about keeping promises, let alone the ones a friend asks you to make. But I need to know. I need to know why she's acting like this. I need to know why it took 30 minutes for her to finally cry herself to sleep. I need to know why she's not herself."

I see a tear fall down Christina's cheek, but she puts her face in her hands a moment later, effectively blocking any outsiders from seeing her face. Nobody speaks for the next few minutes. Zeke and Uriah keep sharing looks with each other while Lynn fiddles with her fingers, and Christina, I assume, cries.

"I don't want to lose her trust. She's my best friend, Four. I would feel awful if I broke the promise and told you," Christina slowly says to me through her hands. She takes them off her face and I can see the paths where her tears fell. She makes eye contact with me as she says, "But I would feel even worse if I didn't."

I feel hope blossoming in my chest. If Tris' best friend is willing to tell, then I know she can get the others to agree as well. Plus, it's Christina, and Christina can make just about anyone agree with her. And if they don't, well, may God be with them.

Zeke, Uriah, and Lynn look at her with slight alarm in their faces. Christina breaks the eye contact with me and looks at them.

"Don't give me that look, guys. I promise I feel way worse than you would for agreeing to tell him. But think about this: is this promise actually worth it? Is it actually worth keeping for the way she's being affected by…it?"

She pauses for a moment before she continues. "I want my best friend back, and not telling anyone else about this, especially Four, is not a good way to start."

I wait as they mull over Christina's speech. Thankfully, I watch understanding and agreement settle on their faces instead of refusal.

"We know she's right, guys," Zeke quietly says.

Uriah sighs. Lynn keeps her eyes trained on the ground.

"I know, but that doesn't make it any easier to do," Uriah says.

A moment of silence passes.

"So how are we going to do this then?" Lynn speaks for the first time.

"Tell me exactly what happened," I demand.

Another moment of silence.

"Who's gonna start?" Christina asks.

"I will," Zeke says. He takes a deep breath. "Uriah and I came out of the bathrooms and were waiting for everyone else to come out. We were the only ones out there at the time so I just figured that everyone was still in the restrooms. Lynn and Christina came out next and Chris asked me where Tris was. I told her she was probably still in there, but she told me that Tris hadn't gone in with them. So we yelled for her a couple of times, but she didn't answer. Lynn went around to the other side of the building to look for her. We followed and saw that someone was pinning her to wall, looking quite pissed off. We didn't have to look too hard to see that he was hurting her."

My mind is running wild with this new information. He. That's the first word that registered in my head. They said that this person was a he.

I start to become impatient with the silence. Luckily, Christina steps in a moment after.

"Tris looked like she knew who this person was, and it was pretty obvious he knew her too. He told us that they were having a 'talk'. We told him to let her go and he hesitated, but eventually he must have decided that he didn't stand a chance against 4 people, let alone pissed off ones, and backed off. He told Tris he'd talk to her soon, and she got all pale and quiet. I guess that's when she first started to space off."

Uriah starts talking then. "We asked if she was okay and she said she was fine, obviously lying, but we didn't say anything. Well, at least until I put my hand on her shoulder. She flinched away from my touch almost immediately and she was wincing. So I tried to push her sleeve down to look at her shoulder, but she tried to pull away. I tugged her back by her sleeve and got a good look at it." He flicks his eyes up to me, and I can see slight anger in them. "There was already a purple and blue mark where he'd been pinning her. He obviously wasn't playing around. He wanted to hurt her."

It's silent for a few more moments. My mind is still racing with unanswered questions. I'm about to ask one when surprisingly, Lynn speaks up.

"Christina pulled down her other sleeve, and she didn't even fight us. There was the exact same bruise on that shoulder too. Tris told us it wasn't a big deal, which we disagreed with, of course, and after we asked, admitted with silence that it hadn't been the first time he'd hurt her. Uriah was going to go find him, but Tris begged him not to; told him it'd only make it worse. Christina and I were about to head back, but she stopped us before we left. That's when she made us promise not to tell any of you."

After she stops, there is silence. My mind is running fast, trying to put the story together.

Who could have possibly been the one to make Tris act like the way she is now? Whoever it was had to have had plenty of control over her to keep her from fighting back. I don't know of anybody that could have possibly made her that numb, that quiet, that petrified. Who could have had that much control over her? This guy was pinning her to a wall, but the Tris I know would have been fighting back, and according to Zeke and Christina, she was not. This guy obviously affects her so much that she shuts down and has no control over what she's thinking or doing. I don't know of anyone who could possibly do that to her.

Suddenly an idea pops into my mind, and clues start coming together.

"Why does he do this to me?"

"I was thinking about Eric when that happened…"

"I shouldn't let him get to me like that."

"It's happened twice with you around and...I'm sorry."

"I shouldn't be affected by Eric anymore, but I am."

"I know I'll see him either tonight or tomorrow night when we go to the fair, and that's why I'm worried."

"Who was he?" I ask no one in particular, but already knowing what the answer will be.

"She said his name was Eric. She wouldn't give us the last," Uriah answers.

My fists clench and I have the urge to hit something. My blood is boiling with red, hot, anger. I close my eyes and take deep breaths, trying to calm myself down. I eventually succeed in doing so.

"What's wrong, man? Do you know him or something?" Zeke asks.

I open my eyes and look at all of them. "Not personally, but I know what he's done to Tris."

They exchange glances and must decide to not ask questions, for they stay silent. Probably a good decision.

I keep taking deep breaths and calming myself down until I feel my blood go back to normal temperature and my fists unclench, the urge to punch something barely there.

"That's all I needed, guys. Thanks."

They look at me warily. Lynn carefully gets up and walks out of the lobby to the elevators. Christina hesitatingly follows her, and Uriah after her. Zeke gets up last, but instead of going towards the elevators, he goes to the front desk. He exchanges a few words with the girl there and she disappears. She comes back a minute later with a couple of things in her hands. She gives them to Zeke, who then comes over to me and drops them in my lap.

"Ice packs. Once you get up there, just break them and they'll get cold," he says in a matter-of-fact tone.

I raise my eyebrows. "Ice? For what?"

"You haven't seen Tris' shoulders yet, man. Look at them when you get up there, then you'll know why I asked for the ice. The third one is for anything else he might've done to her that we didn't know about."

He pats me on the shoulder and leaves. I sit down in the lobby, alone, for the next few minutes, then finally head back to the room with 3 ice packs in hand.

Tris' POV

I wake with a scream and sit up; another nightmare. I immediately reach in the dark for Tobias, for comfort, but he's not there. The bed is empty. I listen for a minute for any noise that indicates he's here somewhere, maybe in the bathroom, but I'm only met with the sound of my own breathing.

"Tobias?"

I get no answer. I start to panic. Where'd he go? Why'd he leave? Did he finally see that I was too broken to be messed with? Did he finally leave me for good? Did he go to Zeke's room to stay for the rest of the nights here?

Tears well up in my eyes. I stretch my arm out towards where the lamp would be, but immediately pull it back due to the immense pain in my shoulder. I almost forgot about that. I reach behind me and feel my head. When my fingers run over the bump, small prickles of pain shoot up through my scalp, and my head starts to pound again. I wince and regret trying to find that bump.

I scoot over more towards Tobias' side of the bed, then reach for the lamp. It takes me a few seconds to find it, but when I do, I flick the switch and a dim light fills the room.

"Tobias?" I try one more time. But just like I expected, there is only silence.

I look at the time on the alarm clock: 12:20. I was only sleeping for about 30 minutes...maybe I've just gotten so used to him laying beside me that when my brain didn't sense him there, I woke up from my nightmare sooner than I usually would. Maybe.

I look around and see that all of his belongings are still here, including his phone. It reassures me a bit. Surely he wouldn't have left to go stay at Zeke's without all of his stuff, right?

I keep looking around for clues as to where he would've gone. I get out of bed and walk around the room, but I find nothing out of place. It makes me frustrated. He had to have gone somewhere. He couldn't have just disappeared out of thin air. I stand on my tippy toes and look on top of the TV stand where we kept the keycard to our room. I don't find it. It's gone.

I sigh in relief. Tobias must have taken it. At least I know that wherever he is, he plans on coming back soon. If he didn't, he wouldn't have taken the keycard. He would have just knocked. He obviously knew he was coming back late and didn't want to disturb me if I was sleeping, which ended up being pointless because I'm definitely awake now.

I crawl back into bed and lean up against the headboard. I wince at the hardness of it and place a pillow behind me. When I lean against it again, it's softer and easier to relax with. I take the blanket next to me and cover myself up with it. I'm determined to stay awake until Tobias gets back from...well, wherever he is.

20 minutes later, and he still has not shown up. The pillow behind me is now starting to become uncomfortable, so I scoot to the edge of the bed and stand up. I start to pace around the room and have a conversation with the voice inside my head.

He's ok, right?

Of course he is. He has to be okay.

Yeah. I knew that. I knew that.

He's a big boy. He can take care of himself.

Then where did he go?

Don't ask me.

I know. But, where could he have went for him to be gone this long?

I told you don't ask me. I'm just a figment of your imagination.

I sigh in frustration, and I'm in such deep thought that I don't watch where I'm going, and end up tripping on a chair and falling. I land on my left shoulder and hiss in pain. I angrily push myself up and run my fingers through my hair in utter frustration.

After 10 more minutes of pacing, I sigh and go into the bathroom to look at my throbbing shoulders. My shirt is big enough I can push both sleeves down quite easily. I grind my teeth and hold in a scream of anger when I see what I let Eric do to me. There are bruises on each shoulder that are such a deep color of purple, they almost look black. My left shoulder, the one I landed on, has a red spot next to the bruise.

Wonderful.

I huff and pull my sleeves back up, refusing to look at them any longer, and exit the bathroom.

I start to pace again, but this time I look at the ground so I don't fall. My brain starts to speak again.

He probably took the keycard just so you would think he'd come back. So you wouldn't think anything of his disappearance.

I shake my head at myself.

He knows how broken you are. Why wouldn't he up and leave? He's probably making a deal with Zeke right now. He left and is sleeping on couch.

"He wouldn't," I whisper, trying to make myself think another way.

Actually, you know what I just thought about? He probably hid the keycard somewhere that way you would have to go to more trouble in finding it. He hid the keycard, left, and wants to see you struggle.

"No he doesn't," I whisper to myself again.

My brain finally shuts up, but after 5 more minutes of pacing, I can't help but think about the whole 'hiding the keycard' idea and start to look for it.

I get down on my hands and knees and look behind the stand where the keycard was kept. I don't find it there, so I crawl and look underneath the bed. Nothing. I stand and pull open every drawer I can see, but I still find nothing.

Why are you looking!? You know there's no keycard here, Tris! He didn't hide it! You should've known that!

I give a cry of anger and feel tears of frustration fill my eyes. Of course he didn't hide the keycard! Why would I even begin to believe that?! I trust him, and he will come back!

I pace for what seems like ages, when I finally hear the sound of a door opening. I instantly snap my head up to look at the door. I sigh in half relief, half frustration when I see Tobias standing there.

As soon as he shuts the door I angrily whisper, "Where were you?!"

I don't know why I'm so angry. It's not like I think he'd leave me without saying anything. He obviously thought I was sleeping when he left, and didn't want to wake me up. Maybe that's why I'm so angry; because he did leave without saying anything. He didn't leave me like the way I thought he did, but he did disappear for a while without telling me, and that's what I think is getting to me. Because he could've left me, and I wouldn't have even known he had until later.

Tobias sets whatever he has in his hands down on top of the TV stand, but I don't care enough to look and see what they are.

"You just left! The least you could've done is left a note, or a text, or-or, something!" I whisper and feel tears of frustration start to fall down my cheeks. I wipe them away angrily.

"Tris, listen-"

"No, you listen to me! I had no idea what happened to you, or what I did, or where you went!" I run my fingers through my hair again. "I-I thought you left me! I thought that you went to Zeke's and-and...I don't know! Left!"

I pause for a minute. Why am I acting like this? There's no reason for me to be this angry with him. I run my fingers through my hair once more, look away from his eyes, and sigh. I sit down on the edge of the bed behind me.

"I'm sorry. I just...I woke up and you were gone and…I don't know. I panicked. I'm sorry," I say, much more gently this time.

He sits down next to me and wraps an arm around my lower back. I tuck my head into his side and play with my fingers.

"Remember earlier when I said to stop apologizing for things you don't need to apologize for? This is what I was talking about."

I sigh. "But I still feel bad about it."

"You don't need to."

"I've just been kind of...out of it tonight, for some reason," I half-lie. Yes, I've been out of it, but I know the reason.

"Would that reason have to do with someone in particular?"

I frown. What does he mean? He can't know, can he? I never said anything to him, and as far as I know, no one else has either.

You're thinking too far into it, Tris. Of course he doesn't know.

I stay silent, still contemplating his question when he asks another.

"Maybe someone named, oh, I don't know, Eric?"

I freeze and forget how to breathe for a moment. I blink a few times before realization hits me like a truck. I take my head off him, and move away. I stare at him for a little while before trying to answer.

"Wha-what do you mean?"

He lets out a breath through his nose. "I mean, I know what happened last night."

I stare at him, confused and slightly mortified. "How?" It only came out as a whisper.

He takes another deep breath. "I was downstairs with Zeke, Uriah, Christina, and Lynn. That's where I was when I was missing."

"And they told you?" I say with slight anger.

How could they? They promised me they wouldn't tell!

"Tris, don't blame them. They felt really bad about it, Christina especially. Blame me if you want to. I'm the one who guilt tripped them into it."

I shake my head in disbelief. "Why would you do that?"

"Listen, I knew something had happened at the bathrooms. You'd been acting weird ever since you came back from there. Plus, I don't like seeing you like that. I had to do something about it."

I look down at the ground and clench my jaw. I'm not necessarily angry, but I am upset that he found out. I tried to get myself to be angry with him, but it didn't work. I can try my hardest, but my brain always knows it's fake and turns back to telling me he only wanted to know because he cares.

After a few minutes of silence, I sigh and run my fingers through my hair….yes, again. Tears prick my eyes but I blink them away. I rest my elbows on my thighs and set my head on top of my hands, not quite ready to meet his eyes yet.

A hand tentatively touches my back. When I don't show any signs of wanting it off, it starts to run up and down my spine. I take a deep breath in and out.

"Why didn't you tell me?" he asks, a little bit hurt.

I bite my lip. "I didn't want to drag you into another mess."

"What do you mean, 'another mess'?"

"Well I've figured just being with me in general is a mess."

"Tris-"

"Don't try to tell me it's not. I break down close to every damn week, if not every day. Then you always seem to be there and see me and then feel obligated to stay with me until I stop. I'm clearly the one who is messed up in this relationship, and by telling you about Eric I was afraid I would just put another thing on your plate and then make you stressed and worried and unhappy and…"

I run my fingers through my hair and accidentally touch one of his fingers that's at the top of my spine. I go to pull away but his fingers grip the ends of mine and he brings them down between us.

"Sorry, I'm rambling. But my point still remains."

"It's not a mess, Tris. I promise."

I shake my head. It is a mess, and I know it, but I've argued enough with him tonight. A couple of minutes of silence pass.

"And by the way, you're not the only one who's messed up. If you think I don't have any problems, then you're very mistaken. It's not just you, so stop thinking it is."

I'm extremely tempted to comment, but I know it would start another argument, so I hold back.

"Can I see your shoulders?"

I look at him. "They told you about that too?" I say, not exactly surprised.

He nods. I sigh. "How bad did they make it sound?"

He shrugs and fidgets a little. "Well…"

"Nevermind. That was a stupid question."

Another minute passes by. "Can I?"

I bite my cheek. "Whatever. Look at them if you want. I've already had 4 people see them, what's another?" I ask, a little annoyed that they made it out to be such a big deal.

"Tris…"

"Go ahead. I don't care."

His eyes look tentative, and I look away as he pushes down my right sleeve first. I feel him tense up and I bite my cheek harder.

After a few minutes, he reaches around me and pulls my left sleeve down. I risk a look up at him. His eyebrows are crinkled, his eyes are full of anger and concern, and his jaw is clenched as he looks at my shoulder. I look back down.

His thumb brushes over the bruise and I bite my cheek even harder at the sudden rush of pain it brings. A bit of a metallic taste fills my mouth and I know I've just cut my cheek, so I loosen up on my hold, but can't bring myself to let go completely as he brushes over it again.

"Does that hurt?" he asks.

Yes.

"No."

"Really? Your shoulders don't hurt? At all?"

He empathizes 'at all' with a little squeeze to both of my shoulders. I can't help it; I let out a small noise. He sighs and stands up.

"And that's why Zeke got some of these for you."

He reaches up to whatever he set on the TV stand before. I never did bother to look and see what they were. When he brings them down I see they're ice packs. I shake my head.

"I don't need them."

Maybe I should have them, but I don't care, I don't care, I don't care. If I let him put them on me it'll just mean Eric won; that he did manage to hurt me again. It'll be like admitting to weakness.

"Tris, you need them."

I shake my head again. He sighs and sets them down on the edge of the bed. He grabs my waist and picks me up so I'm just an inch or less above the bed. He pushes me back farther and then lets go. I cross my arms and huff at him. He smirks and pushes on my stomach so I'm laying down.

"That's not fair," I mumble. He only smirks again.

He grabs the ice packs and crawls over me. I stiffen up for a second. A burst of fear rushes through my chest, but I don't know why. I try to sit up, trying to both get rid of the fear and avoid the ice packs, but he pushes me back down. Gently, of course, but still the fear remains. And I don't know why.

Then I blink. In the split second of black I see, I also see Eric over me the exact same way Tobias is now. My heart beats faster as I realize something. It's the reason I felt so embarrassed this morning when I was curved into Tobias as much as I was. It's the reason I stop kisses before they can turn into anything too heated.

I'm afraid of intimacy.

I blush involuntarily at my stupid fear. I cannot believe that out of all things, out of everything in the entire world that I could be afraid of, I'm afraid of….that.

And of course, Tobias notices my blush and decides to say something.

"What?"

I feel myself blush harder and I look away. "Nothing."

"Tris-"

"It's not important, okay?" I snap.

I look back into his enchanting, deep blue eyes. He stares back at me. The look is so intense that when I remember what position we're in, it makes me blush even harder.

Change. Topic. Now.

"I don't need the ice packs," I say stubbornly.

He sighs. "Yes you do. Don't keep arguing with me. I'm going to force you to keep them on if it's the last thing I do," he stubbornly says back.

"Tobias," I groan. "I don't need them."

"Yes you do. Listen, you may have argued your way out of things with me before, but trust me: this is not a battle you are going to win. You're not going to change my mind or talk your way out of this one. So stop trying and just let me put the ice packs on you."

I glare at him for a second. Once I see that he's not budging, I sigh.

"Fine," I snap.

He smirks a bit, then gets off and sits to the side of me. He cracks the ice packs. They must be the ones that only get cold after you do that.

"You can sit up now if you want," he says. I glare at him for a second. Why wouldn't he just let me sit up earlier?

He must've wanted to get me in a position where I would actually listen to him. If that was the case, then he definitely succeeded.

I start to push myself up, then wince a bit at the throbbing of my shoulders. And of course, because why not, Tobias notices. One of his hands grabs my waist while the other braces the back of my head. I bite my lip harshly when his hand hits the bump on my head and starts a painful throbbing there as well. I quickly push myself up, with Tobias' help, which I don't like to admit to. I don't want to need someone else's help, especially for little things like sitting up. I could've done it on my own.

Instead of berating him, I just keep quiet and ignore the fact that I had help. He reaches for the ice packs and places one gently on each shoulder. They do feel nice, but I would never admit it to his face.

He picks up a third one I didn't realize was there. "Do you need this one anywhere?"

My head.

"No."

He looks extremely skeptical. "So...he didn't hurt you anywhere else? Nowhere at all? He only hurt your shoulders?"

I bite my cheek when I realize how ridiculous it sounds. Of course he knows that Eric would have hurt me somewhere other than my shoulders. Tobias will never believe Eric never hurt me anywhere else.

I sigh. "Fine. Give me that," I say and hold out my hand carefully, trying not to let the ice pack fall off my shoulder.

He shakes his head at me. I frown. "No. If you hold it, you'll just knock the other ones off. Let me do it."

I grit my teeth as I contemplate if this is worth arguing over.

"C'mon, Tris, please. I already feel awful for not being there when this happened. Please let me do at least something."

He looks hurt and guilty; two things that he should not be feeling. I carefully move my hand down and grab what I can of his free one. I gently squeeze his fingers.

"This is not your fault," I say.

"But if I'd just gone with you, then maybe I could've helped. I could've done something."

I shake my head. "That only would have made him more pissed. Zeke, Uriah, Christina, and Lynn did everything exactly right. They got him to back off without making him any more angry at me than he already was."

He breaks eye contact and I gently squeeze his hand again. He stays silent and I realize that maybe I just made him feel even more guilty.

I squeeze his fingers again, silently telling him to look back at me. He slowly brings his eyes up to mine. They look the same; hurt and guilty.

"The back of my head would be nice," I gently say and give him a little smile. He releases a breath and his eyes become more like the ones I'm used to. He leans forward and kisses my forehead before putting the ice pack on my head. He squeezes my fingers and I relax a bit.

After a few minutes of silence, I look at his eyes again, which are still looking away from me.

"Tobias…."

His eyes meet mine and I rack my mind for something to say, anything I can say, to fill this silence. Instead, my mind goes blank and we sit in silence, staring at each other.

Later, I feel the ice packs start to warm and I blush, wondering how long we've been like this...but I don't look away.

Eventually, the ice packs are not even cold anymore; yet, we're still staring at each other. I am the first to break the intense gaze. I look at the clock behind me and blush furiously when I see the time. It's 1:50am already. We've been staring at each other for at least 20 minutes now.

"It's rude to stare Beatrice," my father's voice rings in my head. This is the second time he's said that in my head. You'd think I'd stop staring by now, but I still continue to stare at Tobias. I can't help it; his eyes are captivating.

I look down at my lap as I pull the ice packs off my shoulders. Tobias takes the hint and takes off the one he has placed on the back of my head.

"Tris, look at me."

I slowly do, but flick my eyes away from his almost as soon as I meet them. He sighs and grabs the ice packs from my hands. He gets off the bed and I watch him as he places them in the small freezer we have, then look away from him again as he turns back. He sits back down next to me.

"Why do you do that?"

I frown. "Why do I do what?"

His hand goes to my cheek and tilts it up. When I meet his eyes, I look away.

"That. Why do you act like it's so wrong to look at someone in the eyes?"

I shrug.

"No, Tris. You've got to stop telling me something is nothing all the time. Why do you do that?"

I bite my lip.

"Look at me, Tris."

I flick my eyes to him and away again. He gently pushes my face closer to his so I couldn't look away from his eyes if I tried. I feel myself blush as my father's scolding repeats in my mind and close my eyes.

"Tris."

I open them again. "My father...he...he told me once that it was rude to stare. And every time I do…." I sigh. "His voice rings through my head, reminding me not to stare." I tilt my head down out of his grasp and squeeze my hands together. "I guess I just feel guilty, like I'm doing something I shouldn't be. I know that they're...gone...but...it still feels like they're right there, reminding me what and what not to do. I know it probably sounds a little crazy, me hearing their voices and all, but I don't know. It comforts me in some way and I feel like if I ignore that voice then I'm disobeying them and doing something they'd disapprove of and-"

My head is tilted up and gentle lips meet mine. I close my eyes. It only lasts for a few seconds before he pulls away.

"You're rambling again, Tris," he mumbles.

I nod subconsciously and lean forward, putting my forehead against his. We breathe each other's air for a few minutes before he pulls back again. I slowly open my eyes.

"No more secrets, okay?" he whispers.

I nod. "No more secrets," I whisper back.

I lean my head on his again and we stay here for a while. His hands slowly run up and down my sides and no one speaks.

"C'mon, let's get to bed," he whispers what feels like hours later, probably sensing how exhausted I was.

I pull back and open my eyes. I nod at him and scoot up the bed. We both slide under the covers, and his arms wrap around me, pulling me closer. I put a hand on his stomach and start to drift off. He turns a bit to shut off the lamp, and that's when I remember what I did earlier. My hands search for the hem of his shirt. The lamp doesn't go off yet.

"Tris, what are you doing?"

I don't reply, but instead pull his shirt up to expose the bottoms of his ribs. And there I see it: a dark purple bruise. I clench my jaw at the sight of it. I slide my hand down and gently touch it with my fingers. I stare at it, wondering how I let myself do this to him.

"Tris," he says, and covers my hand with his, "It's okay."

I shake my head and take a deep breath. "This is not okay."

"Tris…" His other hand tilts my chin up to look at him. "It's okay."

I stare at him for a little while, wondering how he can be okay with this. I look back down at his hand covering mine on his stomach. I move my hand under it and gently stroke the bruise with my thumb.

"Does it hurt?" I quietly ask.

"No, it doesn't. You need to quit being so hard on yourself. I'm okay, Tris."

His hand tilts my chin up again. "I promise, okay, Tris? I promise it's okay."

I bite my lip and after a while, nod. I lay back down with my hand still on the bruise, and his hand still covering mine. He turns and shuts the lamp off for real this time, and darkness fills the room.

Pretty soon his breaths even out, his stomach rises and falls at a slower pace, and I know he's fallen asleep. I should move my hand away...but I don't want to. I blush again. I can't believe I'm afraid of...well...you know.

I try to tell myself that the only reason I'm not moving my hand is because his is on top of mine still and I don't want to disturb him, but I know that's not entirely true. Still, it's better than admitting to myself that I like this.

I take a deep breath and let it out slowly. I rest my head on Tobias' outstretched arm and close my eyes. I fall asleep soon afterwards.

Okay! I FINALLY UPDATED! Like I said before, I'm so sorry! I work Monday, Thursday, and Friday, along with most Saturday's, so I schedule appointments and everything for my days off then by the time I'm done with each day I just want to crash! So I wrote this little by little, stopped by writer's block a lot, and eventually got it completed. I'm sorry if it seems a bit choppy, I really am, but let me remind you that with finals and everything in that last month of school followed by work and softball, I've been writing pieces of the chapter without really reading what I wrote before. Of course I remember the general idea of what I was writing, but that's all I really went off of.

I'm sorry it took so long, but hopefully (HOPEFULLY) it won't take that long again for a while! Thanks for your patience and understanding guys! I really do appreciate it! I ALSO WANT TO THANK YOU FOR ALL THE REVIEWS AND FAVORITES AND FOLLOWS I GOT JUST FROM LAST CHAPTER ALONE! I now have 452 reviews, 255 favorites, and 314 follows! That's a crazy amount! Thank you so much!

Also, Google Docs (the software I use to write) recently came out with an update, so now I can see how many words are in each chapter before I go and post it! I can set goals for myself now like "You need to write 1,000 more words before you can go to bed!" which works almost every time! So I can proudly say that this chapter has 11,526 words, and 47,472 characters (excluding spaces)!

Can we shoot for 460 reviews, 260 favorites, and 320 follows? And like I've said before, I hope that's not too much! I always feel a bit nervous putting these goals out there because sometimes I feel like I ask for too much...but you haven't said anything to me about that so I hope you guys don't think I'm like that!

HAVE A FANTASTICALLY AMAZING DAY!