Hey guys, sorry it took that long! Sophomore year is exhausting. /_\ But I've worked on this when I could, so I hope this makes up for the time I was gone!

Disclaimer: Veronica Roth is a well-known author. I am not. Therefore, I don't own Divergent.

Tris' POV

Chapter 34

It took the whole car ride back plus 20 minutes in the hotel room, but I've finally figured out what my plan is.

First, I need to call Christina.

"Hey, I'm gonna call Christina, okay? I wanna talk to her," I say to Tobias and get up from off the bed.

"Why not just go to her room?" he asks and raises his eyebrow, already suspecting as I grab my phone. But I don't worry; I've already planned for this question.

"I'm not sure if I really want to go to her room uninvited...Christina isn't as private about her love life as most people and, well...she likes to give details. Like details details...about...you know…" I say as convincingly as possible. It works. His eyebrow drops and he makes a face.

"Thanks for that visual, Tris."

"Hey, you asked!"

"Yeah, but you at least could've made up another excuse for my ears, Tris," he says, still with that face.

"Well I'm so sorry for upsetting my little baby over here," I say and ruffle his hair. He grunts at me and turns back to the TV. I would probably laugh if I didn't feel so bad for lying to him.

I step outside the hotel room with a keycard so I can get back in when I'm done. I go to the elevator at the end of the hallway and ride down to the main floor that way no one will hear me (*cough* Tobias. *cough*).

I sit down on one of the couches in the lobby and dial Christina's number from memory. It rings a few times, and I start to think that maybe she won't answer. At last minute, she picks it up.

"Hey Tris!"

"Hey Christina!"

"What's up?"

"I need a little favor…."

I can tell she's debating whether or not to do it.

"Christina, at least listen to what it is first! Then decide!"

I hear her sigh. "Okay, okay, fine. What is this so called favor?"

"Can you organize, like, I don't know, some sort of group get-together?"

"Yeah, of course! I thought you gonna ask something else! What do you want to do?!"

"Actually Christina...I'm not going to be in this," I say cautiously choosing my words.

"Wait-what?" she asks confused.

"I need you to get a mandatory group get-together, but I won't be joining."

"Okay, you're going to have to explain more than that." I hear the finality in her tone. I sigh and go along with it.

"I just really need some time to myself where I can think and get lost in my thoughts. But I know To-Four won't leave me if he thinks something is wrong, so I need you to get the group together and do something." I desperately try to continue on without sounding suspicious and swear to double my amount of caution from here on out. I almost just said Tobias' name in front of Christina!

"He still won't leave! I don't see how this is going to-"

"That's why I need you to get the whole group together! Come to our room and drag him out if you have to!"

"Wait- Tris, is there something wrong?"

I slightly shake my head and frown. "What do you mean?"

"Did you two have a fight?" she asks gently.

"No! Christina! We didn't have a fight! I just really need to think about some things for a while!"

"Like what?"

I groan. "Why do you have to be such a Candor?"

"I was born that way. Now spill."

"Listen, I'll tell you everything someday, okay? Just not right now."

"Why? What's wrong? What's happening?" she interrogates.

I sigh and decide to be completely honest with her. "Christina, even I'm not sure what's wrong, or what's happening at the moment. I need to gather my thoughts and organize them. I've been off for the past couple days, and I know you've noticed, but it's because I'm constantly getting lost in my jumbled mess of a head. I really do need to think on this. Alone. Sort my head out. Alone," I finish.

Christina falls silent for the first time since the conversation started, and I hold my breath, awaiting an answer. Eventually, when I think I can no longer go without air, she sighs.

"I'll do it. You're my best friend after all, how could I say no?"

I release the air I've been holding and take a deep breath. "Thank you so much, Christina. I definitely owe you one!"

"Yeah, yeah. Well, I guess we're going swimming."

"Swimming? But doesn't the pool close at like, midnight?"

"Not this one, I already checked! It's open 24/7!"

I smile. "Thank you Christina."

"You're welcome. Now, go tell lover boy to get his swimming trunks on."

"Will do."

"See you later, Tris. Love ya girl."

I laugh a bit. "Love ya too. See you Christina."

The line goes dead, and I put my phone back into my pocket. I make my way to the elevators. On my way back up to the room, my phone vibrates. I pull it out and look real quickly.

Christina: Everybody get your suits on! It's time to get our swim on! I will drag you out of your rooms if I have to! Everyone is going! No exceptions! Be ready and down here in 10!

No one responds. I smile. I know I wouldn't dare say no to her. She is serious about dragging people away. I've seen it happen.

I get back into the room a few minutes later. Tobias has his back to me, digging through his suitcase. So...he's obviously read the text.

As silently as possible, I close the door behind me and get on my knees behind him. I carefully slip my arms around his rock-hard stomach and press the side of my face to his back. Like expected, he jumps a bit, but relaxes a moment later. His hands squeeze mine.

"So, Toby, watcha doin'?" I ask, sounding as innocent as possible.

I feel him chuckle from my place on his back. "Do me a favor, and don't call me that again."

I smile and give a small laugh. "Got it."

"By the way, you were the one talking to Christina. You know what I'm doing."

"Maybe I do, maybe I don't. Either way, you'll never know."

"The very fact that you said that tells me that you know."

I pause for a moment. "So what's taking you so long to get your swimming trunks on?"

He laughs at my small joke. "Well, you see, there's this girl that I'm crazy about. I find it hard to concentrate when she has her arms around me, making me laugh."

"Hmmm...should I be worried about this girl?"

He turns around, making my arms drop from around him. As quick as a flash, his lips are on mine. I start to fall back, but reach behind me and catch myself with my arms. He leans farther towards me and continues the kiss, and I let my eyes shut.

He pulls back abruptly a minute later, making me open my eyes hurriedly, wondering what happened.

"No. You don't. Your kisses are much better," he says with a twinkle in his eye.

I smile at him, understanding what he was doing. "Well that's good. I was worried there for a minute."

He gives me a peck on the lips then stands up.

"You better get your swimming stuff too. Christina will kill us all if we aren't on time."

"Yeah, about that…" I slowly say.

He raises an eyebrow. "She said no exceptions. You can face her if you want, but I don't be defending you. If I were you, I would go."

"Yeah, I already talked to her about that," I say with a small smile.

"Wait- she told you it was fine if you didn't want to go?!"

I smirk. "Yes."

He looks at me like 'You have got to be kidding me'. "She said no exceptions," he says disbelievingly.

"I'm her besterestest friend. I'm the only exception," I say, still smirking at his face.

"Then I don't want to go either."

"Sorry. Like I said, I'm the only exception there is."

"I've been friends with her longer," he tries to argue.

"There's no point in trying to get out of it, Tobias. It's not gonna happen."

He rolls his eyes. "That is so not fair."

"Life isn't fair. Now hurry up and get your trunks on. You have exactly 4 more minutes to get your butt down there before Christina comes and drags you out herself," I say teasingly.

"Yeah, yeah, I get it," he says and closes the bathroom door behind him.

I feel my stomach twist and turn. I never knew I could feel this guilty about lying. I do it all the time, but with him I feel so incredibly guilty. I walk over to the bed and flop down onto it. I sigh and try to rid myself of the sick feeling I have in my stomach.

It's not too late to back out.

No. I have to do this. I need to know what's in that letter.

Maybe you shouldn't know. Maybe you should keep trying to move forward. Look how far you've come; you don't want to mess that up.

I can't not go. It's Caleb. It's the last piece I have of him, other than his blanket and my memories. I have to go.

My mind stops fighting against itself when I hear the door knob turning. I quickly sit up and slide off the bed. He steps out a moment later with his swimming trunks and t-shirt on. He makes eye contact with me and walks over, clasping his hands behind my back and pulling me closer to him.

"You sure you're gonna be okay here alone?" he asks, his eyebrows crinkled in concern.

"I'll be fine. Don't worry. I'm just gonna stay here, think, and maybe catch up on some sleep."

And there goes my stomach, twisting and turning again.

He kisses my forehead. "Okay. Just call if you need anything though, okay?"

I nod. God, I feel sick. "Okay."

He lets go of me and I take a step back. He starts to walk to the door when I think of something.

"Wait, Tobias!"

He turns. "Yes?"

"Do you take your shirt off when you swim?"

I immediately blush at how that sounded. He smirks, noticing it.

"And why do you ask?"

"Your scars," I mumble. "I didn't know if you kept your shirt on."

His smirk drops and he frowns a bit. "Yeah, I do."

"But don't they ask you questions?"

"They used to. Now they don't bother. They just assume I feel uncomfortable or something like that."

I bite my lip. "If your scars weren't there, would you take your shirt off then?"

He frowns. "Yes...what's your point?"

"I have an idea," I say. "Sit down on the bed."

He looks unsure. "Tris, I really need to get going. I don't really want Christina to hunt me down."

"Just sit down. I'll take care of it."

He still looks unsure. "Tris-"

"Trust me, okay?"

He looks me in the eyes, and I can see the cautiousness slowly disappear from his eyes. It makes my heart hurt. He trusts me whole heartedly. And I'm lying to him.

I shake that out of my head for now. I'm afraid he'll be able to see the guilt in my eyes.

"Okay," he replies.

I go into the bathroom and open the drawer where I keep the scar concealer. I take it out and go back to the bed Tobias is sitting on. He looks at what I have and raises his eyebrow.

"Won't that just come off in the water anyw-"

"It's waterproof," I interrupt. "Trust me, I would know."

He sighs. "Tris, they don't question me anymore. You don't have to-"

"Tobias, please. Let me do this. I may not be able to make them go away, but I can at least help you hide them. Make you feel slightly normal. I don't want you to have to keep being constantly worried about them. Please. Let me feel like I can at least do something," I plead.

He stares at me, and his eyes soften. "Okay," he softly says.

I let out the breath I was holding and smile a bit at him. "Thank you. Now take your shirt off and lie down while I text Christina."

He smiles at me. "Sir, yes sir."

I smile a little bigger. I don't feel as guilty now. At least I know I'm helping him before I hurt him.

Tobias starts to take his shirt off and I grab my phone off the nightstand and send a quick text to Christina.

Four will be a few minutes late. We may have had a 'discussion' about what and what isn't fair. (Aka, me not having to go because I'm your best friend. And the only exception to the 'No exceptions' rule.)

I finish the text, and almost immediately, she texts back.

Good thing you texted me. I was going to be there in a matter of seconds to drag his ass out of the door. I was already on my way to your room.

I laugh. "She was on her way over. You should be thankful you're dating the shark's best friend, or she would be here right now, dragging you away by your ear."

I can hear him chuckle from behind me. Right behind me. I spin around and find myself staring at a topless Tobias. My cheeks burn as I stare at his chiseled stomach. I force myself to look up into his eyes.

"I-I thought I told you to lay down," I manage to squeak out.

"Yeah, but then I thought 'This sounds so much better'," he says, and for the second time today, his lips are crashing down on mine before I can register anything he just said.

I bring my hands up to his jaw/cheek area and hold his head in place as he kisses me. His body heat is overwhelming, and my mind doesn't seem to work correctly. I can't think straight.

After a few minutes, I pull back for air, but Tobias doesn't stop. Instead, he moves his lips to my neck. I gasp in surprise, and move my hands to the back of his head.

"Tobias," I whisper. "I told Christina you'd be down in a few minutes," I manage to get out.

"One little lie won't hurt anyone," he replies, going back to my neck right afterwards. This statement is what brings me back to reality. It's what makes my stomach turn again.

"Tobias, we need to stop," I breathlessly say.

He slows his lips, kissing his way up my neck, to my jaw, and finally to my lips, where he finishes off with a slow, gentle kiss. I lean my forehead against his, eyes still shut. I only let it last for a moment longer before pulling back.

"Now, you need to do what you're told," I try to scold him. It's hard to focus. My head is still spinning.

He chuckles and presses me to his naked chest. I blush.

"Or what?"

"Or-or…" I try to come up with a reason in my head, but I find it hard to think of one at the moment. "Or...I'll get Christina to come get you without putting the concealer on your back," I quietly and quickly say, feeling my face getting redder by the minute. My hands are pressed up against him, and I'm completely embarrassed by how good it feels.

He backs away almost immediately and holds his hands up. I'm not sure if this is a good or a bad thing. I want to keep touching his chest, but I shouldn't be. No. This is a good thing….right?

"Woah, woah, woah. Relax. I'm not asking for any trouble here. You don't need to get her to come over here."

I smirk at his playfulness, shaking the thoughts from earlier out of my head. "C'mon pretty boy, lay down."

He smirks as well and slowly backs towards the bed. He sits on the edge of it, spins himself around, then flops down onto his stomach, turning his head to stare at me. I blush as I climb over him to get to his side.

"Am I making you nervous, Tris?" he asks, still smirking.

"Why are you suddenly so obsessed with making me nervous?" I say, evading the question. He is making me nervous. In fact, every time he's asked me that I've been nervous. Because of him. But I'm not going to tell him that.

His smirk grows wider. "Just curious."

I shake my head and roll my eyes, trying to be as convincing as possible. I quickly squirt some concealer out onto my fingers and expertly start to put it on. Goosebumps rise on his skin.

"That's cold!" he shouts.

I smirk and can't help but saying, "Are you sure I'm not making you nervous, Four?"

Now he rolls his eyes. "So we're playing that game, are we?" he mumbles, just loud enough for me to hear. I smile and then turn my focus into his back.

I become completely immersed in the feel of my fingers running across his back. The slight rise and fall of his scars, the smooth skin where it's not marked, which isn't much, and finally the pure feeling of excitement that runs through my belly at the fact that he trusts me so much he lets me see him like this: vulnerable. My ears have blocked out all noise around me, and I feel my eyebrows crimping together as I slowly put on the concealer, watching the scars disappear one by one.

There is a particular one that looks so much worse than all the others. A long lash with a small square shape at the end. I trace it with the hand that doesn't have the cream on it.

"Tobias?" I shakily whisper. Apparently seeing him like this has affected me more than I thought it did.

It takes him a while to reply. "Yeah?" he whispers back.

"What's this one from?"

I feel him cringe and suck in a deep breath beneath my fingers. It takes a couple minutes, but he eventually responds. I have to lean in closer in order to hear him for his whisper is as quiet as the fan blowing air above us.

"I was 13. Some guy was making fun of my mom. Told him not to say it again, but he went for a punch instead of apologizing. I used self defense to get myself out of the situation, and when the school called Marcus they told him I didn't start it and didn't punch back, but it didn't matter. As soon as I walked through the door, the beating started. It was fine, I was used to the belt, but…."

He sighs.

"But what?" I gently prod.

He exhales and says quietly, "He used the buckle that time."

I take in a sharp breath of air and stare at the scar, mortified. Not mortified of the scar itself, but mortified at what happened to create it. Mortified at what he had to go through.

"I'm sorry," I say, but I'm not apologizing for the beating.

"Tris, listen, I appreciate your concern, but I really don't want any sympathy. What's done is done and I'm only stronger now. So please, no symp-"

"I'm not apologizing for that," I interrupt, nearly in tears.

"Tris?" he asks concerned, and turns his head back to look at me. It only makes me want to cry more.

"I'm sorry for being such a terrible girlfriend to you. I've been so caught up in what's happened to me that I haven't even been paying attention to what you went through."

A tear drops and I wipe it away. Tobias quickly sits up, alarm in his eyes. Before he can interrupt, I continue.

"I should've been more concerned about you. I've been so selfish. You're the one that's been helping me this whole time when I should've been helping you too. I mean, I haven't even asked you what your nightmares are about, or if Marcus has contacted you since he left, or how I could help you, or-"

I'm cut off by his arms. He has wrapped me into a bone crushing hug, and I struggle to breathe properly. His fingers run through my hair. I almost wrap my hands around his back, then remember that it's half covered in concealer, and move my grip to his upper arms. I hide my face in his neck and breathe in his scent. It's not until a few moments later when I realize his bare skin is the thing making me extremely overheated. The scent, heat, and skin are the factors in making my head go dizzy with overwhelming senses.

I pull back a minute later, after I've composed myself. "I think it's been more than a few minutes. Turn around and I'll finish up here," I whisper so my voice won't betray me.

He does so, surprisingly. My fingers quickly work, and within three more minutes, the rest of his scars are completely covered. I let my finger run across the now-dry concealer where I know the belt buckle scar is. Right between his shoulder blades.

I'm not sure why I do it; it just seemed right. All I know is I had a rush of adrenaline, and I wasn't going to let it go to waste. Before I could think more about it, I leaned my head down and gently pressed my lips to where that scar should be. I now hear his breath catch, obviously not expecting me to do that. There is a burning fire where his skin touches my lips, even hotter than before, and instead of making me pull away, it makes me want more.

I slowly kiss all the scars I can remember. I feel his ragged breaths against my lips. When I'm done, I pull away slowly.

"You're all done now," I quietly say. I can feel my cheeks turning red at what I just did. He turns and his eyes stare intensely into mine. I swallow and turn away after a few seconds.

"I need to go, don't I?" Tobias whispers. I can still feel his eyes boring into the side of my head.

I nod slowly. His lips press against my temple. I close my eyes and sigh. He slides off the bed a moment later. I open my eyes and turn to watch him. He grabs a towel from his suitcase while I admire how different his back looks without the scars showing. He looks so much more innocent and less tainted, unlike the Tobias I know. It's crazy how scars can do that to a person.

He turns around and I flick my eyes up to meet his.

"Are you sure you'll be fine? Do you need anything before I go?"

I force a smile. Now that he's going, and my plan has so far worked, the guilt is setting back in again.

"I'm sure. Go ahead. Have fun. I'll be fine," I say as convincingly as possible.

He must buy it because he nods once, smiles, and slips out the door. Right before it closes, I hear him whisper just loud enough for me to hear, "I love you."

The door closes. I'm left with a genuine grin on my face, but the guilty feeling 10 times worse than before.

I'm sorry.

I sit there for a minute or two, making sure he's not going to come back, then roll to the opposite side of the bed. I open the nightstand drawer and pull out the pen and paper I saw in there earlier. I quickly scribble out a note.

I'm sorry. I had to. I don't have a choice. Well, I guess I do, but ever since I was given the opportunity it's been a no-brainer. I tried to reason with myself about this, I really did, but my mind won't let it go. It kills me that I had to lie to you, but I know you wouldn't have gone if I'd told the truth. I'll be back tonight….sometime. I'm not sure when. But please don't worry about me...I'll be safe. I promise.

~You know who

I set the pen down and examine my handiwork for a moment or two. I reread it over and over again, but the more times I read it, the guiltier I feel, so I stop. I put the pen back in the drawer, rip the piece of paper I wrote on off, and put the rest of the pad away into the drawer as well. I set the piece of paper on the center of the bed where I know he'll see it. I slip on a pair of my shoes, put my phone in my pocket, put on a casual jacket so I'm not suspicious, grab the extra keycard, and slip out the door.

I walk down the hallway until I reach Tori's room. I can hear the TV inside. I knock and wait. I hear shuffling and the door opens a moment later.

"Tris? What are you doing here?" she asks.

I shrug. "Well, everyone went downstairs to go swimming but me, so I figured I might as well talk to someone."

She raises an eyebrow. "Why didn't you go?"

"I didn't really feel like it after today...I just kind of wanted to stay up here and think about things."

Her eyebrow drops and I see guilt leak into her face. "Oh, I'm so sorry Bea. I completely forgot what today is-"

"No, don't apologize Tori. I wouldn't expect you to remember this early," I say, trying to reassure her.

She sighs and steps aside. "Come on in, Bea."

I walk inside and look around the room. Now where are the keys?

"Does Four know about today?" Tori asks as she shuts the door behind her.

"No," I say. "I didn't tell him."

She sighs. "Why not?"

"Because I've already bothered him enough," I say, being honest. "Plus, he never would've left me alone if he'd known."

She sighs again, contemplating my answer as I finally spot the keys; they're on top of the TV stand. That's where I need to get to.

"You need to tell him those things. I'm surprised he left you alone in the first place."

I shake my head, plopping down on her bed. "I convinced him to. He has friends too, Tori. He needs to spend time with them as well, not just me."

She still looks skeptical.

"Plus, Christina said she'd drag him down there by brute force if she had to."

She nods. "That suddenly makes a whole lot more sense."

I let a small laugh escape. She raises her eyebrow again.

"You seem to be doing well," she says accusingly.

"What? Can I not laugh every once in awhile without being questioned about it?"

I seem to have said the right thing. Her eyebrows drop again and guilt finds it's way onto her face...again.

"Yeah, of course Bea. I'm sorry. I guess I'm just not used to this yet."

I smile lightly at her. "That's okay. I still need to sort out my mind, so I probably won't stay for long, but I thought I should drop by."

She sits next to me and hugs me. "Of course."

I squeeze her back for a few seconds before letting go.

"So…I hear you're hanging out with Justin and Taylor again," she says.

I nod, slowly. "In a way, yeah. I guess I am. Then there's the fact that the past can't simply go away. But yes. I am."

"Just...be careful, okay? I don't want you getting hurt again."

"I can take care of myself, Tori."

She gives me a look. "Bea."

I sigh and roll my eyes. "Okay. I will."

It stays silent for a couple of minutes. Tori has turned her attention back to whatever show she was watching before. But something is nagging at me in the back of my mind.

"Hey Tori," I blurt out.

Her head turns to me. "Yes?"

"Umm…" I stumble for a few moments. "Actually, you know what? Nevermind."

Now she frowns, confused. I run my fingers through my hair.

"Well now I'm curious. Tell me, Bea."

I bite my lip. "Never mind."

"Beatrice. Please."

I stop for a moment and debate again. Tears fill my eyes.

"I'll just keep asking you until you tell me."

I close my eyes and force the tears to back out of them. I just can't help but think it's my mother I should be telling this to. It's what I always daydreamed about when I was younger. When I believed in the world.

"It's Four…" I open my eyes and take a deep breath. "He said...well, he said…" I close my eyes again. I calm myself down and try again. "He told me he loves me."

I open my eyes and look down at my lap.

"Wait- what?! When?!" I hear her frantically ask.

"Today. Or I guess, now yesterday," I add on quietly.

"And what did you say?!"

I feel my cheeks redden. "I asked him if he was sure."

I hear her sigh in disbelief and turn my head to face her.

"And what did he say?"

"He said he was sure and he had been for a while now," I nervously say. Tori gives me a look and I know she wants me to go on. I roll my eyes and feel my cheeks darken. "I, uh, kissed him, then changed the topic."

She falls silent for a few moments and I look away again. "Bea? What's wrong?"

I sigh. "I don't know. I mean, my first reaction was happiness, but then I felt scared."

"Why?"

I bite my lip and run it through my teeth. "I don't know, Tori…I mean, I have nothing to give him. I don't know if I love him or not. Well, I love him, but I'm not in love with him, if you get what I mean...I think. I'm scared because I've never been in this position before...I don't have anything to fall back on or run to for safety. I'm out in the open. I want to escape, but I don't."

I risk a glance at her. She purses her lips and I can tell she's in deep thought.

"You're scared because you've never felt like this before. You've loved people before; your parents, your friends, Caleb. But that was safe love. This is a different kind of love. Your feelings are 'out in the open'. You don't have any more safe love to 'fall back on' or 'run to for safety'. You hate feeling vulnerable, and you know as soon as you admit to these feelings you've let all of your walls down. You know that he'll be able to do anything once those feelings are out there. You know he could rip your heart out and stomp all over it if he wanted to. So you'd rather play it safe and keep it to yourself. Keep your walls up, maybe even reinforce them because of this sudden turn of events. Make sure the only thing you have left that's keeping you protected doesn't escape out and crumble the walls you so carefully built. You love him; you really do. But you don't want to admit it. Not to him, not to me, not to yourself, not to anyone. Because once that happens, anything could happen, and you're out of the safe zone forever."

I feel a tear slip down my cheek and quickly wipe it off. I push the heels of my hands into my eyes to force the tears back. When I finally take them off, I turn to meet Tori staring at me.

"Did I get that right?"

I bite my lip and look down at the bedspread beneath me. I hear her sigh, and her hand pats my shoulder.

"I love you, Bea, and I'm always going to want the best for you. So please take my advice and admit to yourself what you feel. You don't have to for anyone else yet. All I'm worried about is you admitting it to yourself. And once that happens, maybe we can talk about telling him. But for now, I just want you to work on admitting it to yourself."

I wait for a few moments, hesitating, then nod. It stays quiet for a few more moments. She sighs a little bit later and gets off the bed. I look up.

"I'm going to take a shower real quick. You're welcome to either stay or leave."

She smiles gently at me and slips into the bathroom a moment later. I won't do anything until I hear the shower water running. During the wait, I hurriedly try to clear my head. When the water starts, I get off the bed and go to the stand. I grab a random set of keys and stuff them in my pocket as quietly as possible. I walk towards the door, but stop at last minute and grab the other set of keys as well; I can't have them coming to look for me.

I pull the handle to exit Tori's room, and feel the guilt creep in again as soon as I do. I take my phone out of my pocket and check the time. 12:50am. Oh well. I'll be a little late. So what? If it's really that important, Justin will wait.

PAGE BREAK

I finally pull up to the park at exactly 1:14am. Hopefully Justin waited. I hop out of the car, lock it, and make my way into the small patch of trees behind the park where I know he will be waiting. This was where we always hung out.

I enter the small hideout we built, but abandoned later, and softly call out, "Justin?"

I hear shuffling and see a silhouette moving in the darkness.

"I actually thought you weren't going to come," I hear him say with obvious relief.

"Yeah, well, it took a little longer than expected. Now where are you?"

"Oh, sorry. I have a lighter right here."

I hear some clicks, then a light pops up. I see him leaning down to light the small bonfire we also built on fire. Soon enough, warmth and light fills the place.

"How often do you come here?" I ask him.

He shrugs. "Whenever the feeling of loss gets too strong."

I nod, not bothering to ask again how often he comes. He obviously doesn't want to divulge into that topic.

"Well it still looks the same as before I left," I say, putting an end to that topic.

He nods and sits down on the tree stump behind him, facing the fire. I follow suit and sit on another of the remaining 5 stumps. We sit and admire the fire for a couple of minutes before I remember what I actually came here for.

"As wonderful as this is, I didn't come to watch the fire and tell old tales all night," I say as kindly as I can.

"Oh, yeah! Of course! Sorry!" He flips open the inside of his jacket and pulls out the long awaited letter. Okay, maybe it's not that long awaited, but when you believe that it is from your dead brother and you've been waiting for more than a few hours to read it, it feels long enough.

He hands it to me and I all but rip it from his fingers. I stare at it for a long while, looking at the handwriting that is my brother's. I brush my thumb across my name and imagine my older brother hunched over a desk with a pencil in his hand, writing furiously but neatly all at the same time.

A hand sets on my shoulder and I nearly jump out of my improvised seat. I turn my head to see Justin.

"Hey, I'm going to get going. That letter is for you. I don't want to intrude. Plus, it's really none of my business anyways. I was the messenger, I delivered the message, and now my job is done," he says.

I frown. "Are you sure? I really don't mind if y-"

"I'm sure, Beatrice. Tris. That letter belongs to you. It wouldn't feel right to be here as you read it."

My frown disappears and I nod. I stand up and very gently hug him. He wraps his arms around me as well and squeezes me for a few seconds before letting go.

"Thank you, Justin. I'm sorry for earlier."

He smiles and shakes his head. "It's fine. I would've reacted the same way."

I give him a look.

"Okay, maybe not exactly the same, but close."

I roll my eyes and smile. "Bye Justin."

His smile grows. "I'll see you later, Tris."

He turns and walks out of the entrance. A few minutes later, I hear the faint sound of a truck starting up and driving off. I'm alone now. Completely alone. I turn my attention back to the intricate writing before me.

It takes a long time, but I eventually turn the envelope over and start to open it. I do it slowly so it hopefully won't rip. Luckily, and quite confusingly, it comes open very easy, almost like it'd just been sealed not too recently. I shake the feeling away and move to take the letter out. I pull it out slowly, watching the letters come into focus. There is no doubt about it; this is my brother's handwriting. My hands start to shake very slightly, and I take a deep breath. I close my eyes and calm my heart rate down before opening them again. I slowly inhale and exhale one more time, then begin to read the shaky paper in my hands.

Beatrice,

I suppose that I should start out with the basic 'I hope you're doing well' and 'How is life?', but I don't have time for that. I really do hope you're okay, but I guess there's no way for me to tell at this point in time.

But no more small talk. Let's jump right in.

Take a deep breath, and listen. Well, read, I guess I should say.

I close my eyes and do what he says. My hands are shaking more so than before, maybe because I'm nervous, or maybe it's because I'm holding the last thing that my brother gave me. I open my eyes back up and continue to read a moment later.

I saw something I shouldn't have. Something bad. Something...life altering. It haunts my dreams every night. At this point I'm not sure if I'm even sleeping or if just living the memory on repeat. But that's not the point.

I'm writing this at school in study hall. I plan on giving it to someone to give to you after I'm...well, after I'm gone. No, not dead. Just gone. Hopefully.

I guess I should explain a little more, shouldn't I?

I contacted the police about what I saw. It turns out that what I saw was something much bigger than what I originally thought. They immediately assigned a guard to watch over me while I wasn't home (aka. Walking to and from school, going to friends', etc.). You didn't know about it. He only watches from a distance. And he is only watching me until I can leave.

You've heard of the WPP, correct? I'm sure you have. And if you haven't, then I trust you can figure it out. You're a smart girl.

The WPP? The WPP, the WPP, the WPP...what is the WPP?

I think for a few minutes. What could the WPP stand for in police terms? Think, Beatrice, think!

I dig deep into the depths of my brain, and just when I've about given up all hope, something pops into my mind, and I suddenly know what WPP stands for. But...oh God. What could Caleb have possibly seen in order to need the Witness Protection Program?

Instead of dwelling on this topic, I continue to read, more nervous than before.

Anyways, they're in contact with me as of right now. I'm leaving soon. I'm not sure when exactly, but soon. The sooner the better. It's not like I want to leave, but it'd be the best for everyone if I'm gone. I don't want to put my family and friends at risk for something I saw. I'm not looking forward to leaving, but I am looking forward to being safe. And even more so, I'm looking forward to knowing my little sister and parents will be safe. Because I love them. I love them too much to watch them get hurt.

I technically could tell you where I will be since you're family, but they highly advise against it. And now I see why. Because until this moment, I've never felt this much of a need to protect you. Mom and Dad, sure, them too. But they're the ones who raised us. They can take care of themselves. You, however, are still, and forever will be, my baby sister. You'll still be the little girl who climbed into my lap when you had a bad dream, and you'll still be the girl who came to me when times were really rough. And even though we aren't twins, you'll forever be another half of me. That will never change.

When you read this letter, please don't be mad. I'm doing what's right, even if you can't see that right now. I can only hope and pray that you will someday. Don't forget about me. And don't take for granted the time and people you're given in your life. I did, and the next second...poof! Everyone and everything I had was gone. Don't take too long to realize what you have.

So, I'm writing this on your 15th birthday...for what reason? I'm not sure. It's not like I can give you this today as a gift and say "Surprise!". But I hope you have a memorable, fun, happy birthday. I really, truly, do.

So since this is the last time I may be able to contact you, there's some things I need to go over. Some...rules.

Rule #1: Don't let another Eric come into your life. Don't you dare.

Rule #2: Find some true friends. Justin, Taylor, and Hailey are great, but they're not forever. Whether it's now or later, make sure you find yourself some truly amazing friends. Make sure they're always there for you, never judge, and you never feel like you'd rather be somewhere else when you're with them. Make sure you find that 'click'. Whether it's one friend or 10, I don't care. Just. Find. Them.

Rule #3: Don't let my disappearance disturb your daily life. Get through school with good grades, go to parties, have fun, live your life as you normally would. Don't let me get in the way of your happiness. And I guess that leads straight into the next rule.

Rule #4: When you think you've found the one, I will hopefully be here to meet the lucky guy. But if I'm not, here are some guidelines which he must follow.

One, he must really and truly love you. I must be able to see it in his eyes and actions.

Two, he won't get in the way of your goals and dreams. If you want kids, and he refuses to even think about it, one way or the other, it's not going to work out. I'm not saying you need to have the same exact goals, but you at least need to have the same outline for what you want your future to look like.

Three, make sure you're happy with him. If he's rich, people tend to manipulate their own minds into thinking they love them and they make them happy when in reality, they don't. Not even one bit. Just promise me you won't go for someone who doesn't make you happy, and we should be fine.

Four, make sure he's sensitive, sweet, and honest, but is strong and brave when you need him to be. He needs to be your rock. The one who you can go to about anything and not worry about judgment or a fight. Please. His personality needs to be perfect. Not he himself. Nobody's perfect, I know that. But his personality.

Five, his first instinct in any situation is to protect you or any family you two might possibly have. I need to know he cares about you as much as I do. And that's a very high expectation. One that many won't be able to live up to.

Six, if he ever abuses you in any way, physically, mentally, or emotionally, you get out of there. You can find a way. I know you can. There's always a way. Hopefully, this will never happen again. But just in case, I thought you should know that.

Seven, he means his vows when he says them. If he looks like he's hesitant or half-adding it, I will object to the marriage. I swear I will find a way to object to it. Because you deserve the best of the best. And I know he's waiting out there for you somewhere, hoping to find a girl just like you. And man will he feel lucky when he finds you. You, my beautiful, kind, loving, funny, courageous, baby sister. You.

Now that that list is done, I only have a couple more ground rules to set before I have to go. Time is running out for me.

Rule #5: Don't fall into depression or block people out if something else dreadful happens. The time when Eric did unspeakable things to you was bad enough. Who knows how you would've been if I hadn't stepped in and said something? But if something like that happens again, I might not be there. So you have to learn to cope and deal with it on your own without resorting to the easy options. Without giving up. You're brave. You have a lot of courage. You just don't know it yet.

And last, but not least…

Rule #6: Remember that no matter where or how far away I am, I will always love you. I will always love you and our parents. And for you, you remember to always love us too. Sometimes you're not good at showing your love. So please make an effort to try to express it better, especially after I'm gone. There will always be somebody who loves you back-someone who needs you. Remember that.

I know this is getting long, but I don't know how to end this. I don't want to end this. It still, after several weeks, seems all so surreal to me. Like this can't be happening. This cannot be my life. This is just a dream, and I'll wake up soon. But it is real, and it is happening, and there's nothing I can do to stop it. I wish I could turn back time and make myself unsee what got me into this mess in the first place, but until scientists somehow make time traveling a possibility, I can't do that.

So...goodbye, I guess. At least for now. I hope you get everything in life that you have ever dreamed of. You deserve it. I love you so, so, so, so much.

Sincerely,

Your brother, Caleb

I feel tears dripping down my face as a ripple of pains surges through my chest. This feeling is familiar. The feeling of loss. It's hitting me all over again. And it hurts just as bad as the first time.

I continue to cry as the ripples move through my chest and make my heart feel as if it will explode. This lasts for several minutes and I can't help but think about what he said.

What did Caleb see? What could he have possibly have seen in order for the Witness Protection Program to step in? I can't believe that Caleb was going through all of this and I didn't even notice. I feel terrible, as if I've failed at being a good sister. I mean, seriously, how could something that big just slip through my fingertips?

It's really messing with my mind right now. To think that even if the wreck hadn't happened that day, Caleb would still be missing from my life. He'd be somewhere halfway across the world, hiding until it was safe to come out. I wonder how I would have dealt. How I would have taken the news this letter carried if he had lived. If everyone had lived. I wonder what my life would have been like in that alternate universe...would I have forgotten about Caleb? How he smelled, the way he talked, his constant need to protect me that I found annoying, but cute? Maybe so. Maybe I would feel the same then as I feel now.

But this is all just a matter of 'what if'. And I can't do what-ifs anymore.

I feel a vibrating in my pocket. I desperately gasp for air between my sobs and try to clear my vision up as much as possible. I take my phone out. Tobias is calling. The pain in my chest only feels worse as I leave it to ring. I can't face him right now. I don't want him to get worried. Well, more worried than he already is, that is.

The ringing barely stops when it starts to vibrate. Again. This time I forward him to my voicemail on the second ring. There. That should be enough for him for now. Now at least he knows I'm still breathing.

I wait for a few seconds in case it starts to ring again, but it seems I was right. It's enough to get by with for now. I check the time, then put it back into my pocket. 1:45am.

I start to read through Caleb's letter again, and again, and again. I can't get enough of his words. I don't know how many times I read through it. I snap out of it when I see a water droplet fall onto the paper. I immediately yank my face back and wipe the tears off my cheeks, not wanting to stain the letter again.

I fold the letter back up carefully, and pick the envelope up from the ground. As I pick it up, though, something flutters out. I curiously pick up the slip of paper. I see numbers. 11 of them.

65347755391

I frown, confused. I flip it over looking for another clue. I find four words that only confuse me more.

Astern. Three dashes. Dial.

Astern...astern...astern…what does astern mean again? I frown, thinking. And suddenly it comes to me. Caleb has mentioned it before. Astern is a synonym for backwards. So he wants me to flip the numbers around? How is that going to help me? What's with the three dashes? And dial? Dial what exactly?

I try to do what I know. 6, 5, 3, 4, 7, 7, 5, 5, 3, 9, and 1. So, 1 for the beginning.

I try to lay it all out in my head, but find it difficult to remember which order they're in with just my memory. I look around for something, anything, to write with, but find nothing. The fire light is too dim to see. It looks like I'll have to go back to the car to search.

I put the letter back in the envelope, put the slip of paper with the numbers into my pocket, and set the envelope down on the stump as I stand up. I grab the homemade cover we created to put fires out and set it on top of the current fire. I impatiently wait for it to burn out. When it does, I grab the envelope and rush out to the car. I unlock it and hurry in, looking for something to write with. I eventually find a pen and start to look for scrap paper. I don't find any. I think about using the envelopes, then decide against it. I guess I'll just use my hand.

I put the envelope in the center console, and grab the slip of paper out of my pocket. I set it on top of the dashboard and refer to it as I write on my hand the reverse order of the numbers. When I'm done I have 19355774356 on the back of my hand. It still does not wipe away any confusion for me because three dashes is the next clue, and what does that mean? Put three dashes in the numbers? But where? Why?

I groan in frustration and chuck the pen towards the back of the car. I angrily shove the piece of paper back into my pocket just as my phone starts to vibrate again. I hastily pull it out and see Tobias is calling again. I let it ring out and check the time. 2:26am. No wonder he's calling again. It's been nearly an hour since his last call. It starts to ring again, but I toss it into the passenger's seat to let it ring out again for as many times as he calls. I put the keys in the ignition and let the air warm me up.

"I hope you're happy now, Caleb. I hope this is making your birthday day even more entertaining than normal," I say out loud.

I try to think about what 'Three dashes' means, but I find it hard to concentrate with the constant vibrating in the other seat.

"Shut up!" I yell and grab my phone, fully prepared to shut it off. But something stops me. Something I didn't see before. Something simple. Something I should have known.

"It's a phone number," I whisper, looking at the eleven digits of Tobias' phone number. "Oh my God. It's a phone number."

I snap out of my trance and wait for it to ring out. When it does, I quickly unlock it and start dialing the numbers written on the back of my hand. I shakily press the green call button, and hold it up to my ear. It rings four times, and I start to think that maybe I was wrong, maybe it's not a phone number at all, when the ringing stops and the person on the other line picks up.

"Hello?"

I feel my face pale. It takes everything in me to get the next word out.

"Caleb?"

Tobias' POV

"Now the line is busy," I say frustrated to Tori and end the call, tossing my phone onto the table in front of us.

When we got done swimming, I went back up to the room. I was waiting to tell Tris about how the gang all looked at me like I was crazy when I took my shirt off. But when I opened the door, there was no sound. I thought that maybe she was sleeping, but when I checked the bed, there was no blonde headed, petite, blue-gray eyed girl there. No. Instead, there was a note from this blonde headed, petite, blue-gray eyed girl. A note explaining that she was sorry she lied, that she left because she didn't have a choice, that she'll be back sometime tonight, she doesn't know when, but not to worry because she'll be safe. She promises.

Because she promises she'll be safe.

Yeah, like that eases my conscious at all.

I immediately went to Tori's room and told her what I found. Showed her. Tori, in turn, ducked back into her room. I heard her moving things around, shuffling from place to place, and then silence. That's when she came to the door, a scared look on her face. That's when she told me that the keys to both cars were gone, that she could be anywhere at this point. That's when my worry and anger towards Tris reached their peak. Or, what I thought was my peak. Now it seems I was wrong. It looks like now they're reaching their peak.

"Just try to relax, Four," Tori says as she sits beside me on the lobby couch. "If she said she'll come back tonight, she'll come back."

"How do we know that though, Tori? How can we be sure she'll come back tonight? How do we even know that she's safe? If she won't answer her phone, fine, but she could at least forward me to voicemail again!" I angrily say.

Her hand sets on my shoulder. A cup of coffee appears in my vision. I sigh and take the cup from her hands. I take a sip, allowing the heat to burn my tongue. Allowing it to help fuel my anger.

"There's no way to know for sure. We just have to trust her at this point. We have to trust that she knows what she's doing," she gently says. I know I should calm down. I know I should listen to Tori. But I can't. Not when Tris lied to me. Again.

"Trust her? Trust the girl who lied to us? Trust the girl who constantly lies to me? Yeah," I snort. "Sounds completely logical. Let's all just throw our lives on her shoulders while we're at it. Let's trust that she knows what she's doing."

"Hey," Tori sternly barks at me. I turn my head to look at her while I gulp down my coffee. "This girl just so happens to be your girlfriend."

I take a moment to drink the rest of my coffee and clutch the cup in my hand so tight my knuckles turn white. I know I should hold my tongue. Stop before I can say something I regret. But my anger gets the best of me as I open my mouth.

"Yeah, well, maybe not anymore if she keeps doing this."

Tori's hand falls off my shoulder as I stand up to go throw my coffee cup away. I desperately want to punch something. I need something to release my anger on. If I keep it in, it's only going to build, and when Tris gets back it'll slip out. And I don't want that to happen. I look around for something, anything, to punch, but I find nothing that would be considered appropriate for that.

I slowly go back to where Tori is still silently sipping her coffee. What I just said finally hits me and I feel guilt mix with my anger and worry as I fall down onto the couch across from her. She doesn't look up as she speaks to me.

"I'd suggest getting your anger in tune and start trusting that she knows what she's doing, or you're going to do some real damage, and end up saying that to Tris instead of me."

I exhale and feel some relief flood through me. So she knows I didn't really mean that. But at that moment, I also feel regret mix in with my emotions as well, and it's only fueling the fire inside me more. I manage to keep my mouth shut and stare at the phone in front of me, praying for a sign. A sign that I don't have to keep worrying. A sign that she's okay. A sign that she will come back.

But it never rings.

Okay! So….am I evil, or am I evil? *smiles devilishly*

This is one long chapter, and even though a lot happened in this one, a lot more is to come in chapters ahead! I can't wait to start on that!:D

Anyways….I'm sorry again for the long wait! Thank you for being patient with me! To tell you the truth, I've literally had little to no time to work on this chapter...I've actually been typing the last part up here for about an hour...on a Sunday night….that's now Monday because it's 1am...yeah. So that's how my life's been going. Hope you guys have had a lot less stressful school year than I have so far.

Okay! Let's shoot for 530 reviews, 300 favorites, and 350 follows! I think that sounds pretty reasonable, right? 10 reviews, 1 favorite, and 1 follower….right? Well, I guess only time will tell!

I have to go to sleep now since I have several projects due this week along with presentations and oral reports...so goodnight! Please leave me feedback! Positive or not, it always helps!:D