Louise Belcher the Smart Mark Chapter 2: ECW
"ECW, Extreme Championship Wrestling. Where wrestling fans in the 1990's were able to see the violent content such as flaming tables, barbed wire, and ladders on a regular basis," Louise began with a voice full of nostalgia. "However, all of that changed when ECW went bankrupt in 2001 and Vince bought the rights and the wrestlers of ECW, along with WCW. Many of the ECW superstars didn't make much of an impact, except for the Dudleyz and RVD," Louise continued.
"Then came ECW One Night Stand in 2005. This was where ECW fans were given a blast from the past with guys like Mike Awesome, the Sandman, Tommy Dreamer, and even fucking Joey Styles! All the matches were held in the old Hammerstein Ballroom. It was awesome, so WWE decided to do it again next year, but it wasn't as good, especially with guys like Randy Orton, John Cena, and Edge competing, who had never set foot in an ECW ring. But, it was awesome seeing RVD beat John Cena for the WWE title," Louise explained with her voice getting a little sour.
"After that, it all went to the crapper," Louise said as her face was one of pure annoyance. "ECW was cool for like the first couple of minutes, with the new set and everything, but then…A FUCKING FAKE ZOMBIE COMES OUT FOR NO GODDAMN REASON! I MEAN WERE THEY TRYING TO MAKE FUN OF SYFY, THE CHANNEL THAT HAD ECW AT THE TIME, I MEAN JESUS FUCKING CHRIST!" Louise shouted angrily shouting before breathing a couple of times and looking like she was calmed down.
"Then, after RVD's arrest for drug possession, WWE forced him to drop the belt to Big Show. Nothing of interest in ECW really happened until the only ECW exclusive PPV, December to Dismember, which sucked ass," Louise explained. "There were only two scheduled matches on the card, and the rest was just filler, and not even good filler. The first filler was Matt Striker vs. ECW original Balls Mahoney. The match was shit, mainly because of the "Striker's Rules", which prevented moves from the top rope, and the match even made Balls Mahoney just want to quit," Louise explained.
"Then, there was the whole thing with Sabu being "injured" backstage. I MEAN, WHAT THE HELL WAS VINCE THINKING? HIGH FLYING HAS ALWAYS BEEN AWESOME IN THE CHAMBER, SO WHAT THE HELL WAS THE THOUGHT PROCESS OF REPLACING SABU WITH GODDAMN HARDCORE HOLLY, A MAN WHO NEVER WAS IN EC FUCKING W?" Louise screamed as she tried to compose herself. "Then, there was that boring tag team match with Elijah Burke, Sylvester Terkay, and the FBI, and a stupid match where Tommy Dreamer not only lost to Daivari, but was attacked by Great Khali. Yeah, that's how you build up THE "Heart and Soul of ECW", by having him lose to a jobber, and then getting attacked by a guy who can't even wrestle," Louise added sarcastically.
"Then…came…the Extreme Rules Elimination Chamber match. The match was…eh. The one person people wanted to win, CM Punk, was taken out first, and then Bobby Lashley won the freaking match. Bobby Lashley wasn't a bad wrestler and was kind of over with the fans, but the match was so dumb and boring that nobody even gave a crap at that point," Louise said. "The only match that was worth watching was the Hardyz vs. MNM, which was a great match, but not enough to save this bomb of a PPV," Louise said before rubbing her temples, as if expecting a headache.
"AND THEN VINCE HAD THE AUDACITY OF BLAMING PAUL HEYMAN FOR THE WAY THE PPV WENT, EVEN THOUGH ALL THE CRAPPY STUFF WAS HIS IDEA. PAUL QUIT THE WWE AFTER THE PPV, AND TOMMY DREAMER AND STEVEN RICHARDS TRIED TO LEAVE THE COMPANY TOO," Louise yelled. After she calmed down, she looked like she was going to speak again. "Then, ECW began to pretty much become like Smackdown and Raw. They only had one title, the unique set up was gone, and by that point, so were Joey Styles and Taz,".
"But, there was some good that came out of this. The new superstar initiative gave us the sight of some great superstars like Evan Bourne, Yoshi Tatsu, Mike Knox, Jack Swagger, Vance Archer, and the Dudebusters (Trent Barretta and Caylen Croft). They weren't all that successful, but they were really fun to watch in the ring," Louise said with a small smile on her face. "We also got to see the return of Christian, and him winning…something of a world title in the ECW championship. There was also the John Morrison and The Miz tag team, which was really entertaining. So yeah, a few good memories," Louise said as she got ready to wrap it up.
"All in all, WWE pretty much fucked ECW in the ass and made fans of the old ECW look like idiots in the process, a funny tag team, new superstars, and the return of Christian wasn't enough for this crappy brand," Louise finished as she was about to turn off her camera when someone same in her room.
"Louise, what's with all the screaming?" Louise's father, Bob, asked as he came in to her room. "Oh, that's just my new show, where I rant about stuff in the wrestling world," Louise said as she motioned her father to come sit next to her. "Oh, that's cool! You know who you should talk about next? The Icon, Sting!" Bob said, excited to take part in this show. Louise thought about it, and got a huge smile on her face. "You know Dad, that's not a bad idea". Louise then turned to the audience. "Next time, we will discuss the way Sting was treated in the WWE," Louise closed as she and Bob waved to the camera until it faded to black.