Learning To Let Them In

by aubreylovesthegames

Tris is broken. She is alive, but she isn't living. One day took everyone from her. She and her guardian, Tori, decide to move to Chicago for a fresh start. Tris pushes away everyone she meets, not wanting any 'friends', but that becomes a little difficult when the boy next door, Four, slowly starts to break her walls down, piece by piece. What will happen? Will Tris let them in?

36. Chapter 36

Hey, I'm back! I'll get right into it like always, especially since most of you don't like me very much right now…;)

Disclaimer: Divergent does not belong to me, or anyone else besides Veronica Roth.

Chapter 36

Tobias's POV

It takes me a long time to fall asleep, and I know that Tris is having a hard time too. But unlike her, I stay still and breathe evenly. She tosses and turns until she eventually goes still. I listen to her breathing and hear it quicken periodically only to slow back down a moment later. Eventually, her breathing starts to match mine and the bed sinks down more as she relaxes. I don't know how she did it - how she managed to just turn the reason behind her restlessness off just like that and go to sleep. Frankly, that scares me a little bit. Who knows what else she shut off?

"I love you, Tris." The words escape without my permission, but it doesn't bother me all that much. Tris is asleep; it's not like she could hear it. No matter how true the words are, I don't want her to hear them right now.

I feel bad: extremely guilty, extremely remorseful - bad. The problem is, I'm not sure how much of what I said I actually meant. I know I meant it when I said I will always care about her, and I know I meant it when I said that it hurt when she constantly lies to me, but other than that, it's hard to sort the rest out.

No matter how worrying all of the other stuff is we fought about, the one thing I'm worried most about is the part when Tris told me that she can't tell me what it is she went to go get because it's illegal. Then again, I'm not 100% sure that she was telling the truth. It still worries me. She said she could tell me in a week. What does that mean? What kind of law has a time frame for what and when you can tell people?

I let out a sigh. Who knows if we can fix this?

I close my eyes and try to fall back asleep again. I do what she did; I match my breathing to hers. Somehow it works, and I fall asleep.

I must have been too emotionally exhausted to wake up because little did I know that while I was asleep, she woke back up, shouting my name.

---

Tris' POV

We're back in the hotel alley, fighting. I'm not sure how we got back here. But words are flying back and forth between us. It's then that I realize I'm speaking without telling myself to.

"You don't get it, Tobias! You'll never get it!"

"Get what, Tris?! Get that you don't care about me?! Get that you'd rather let me go than tell me the truth?!"

"That's not what I sai-"

I'm stopped short by a gunshot. I let out a scream and duck my head instinctively. My eyes go wide as I hear a familiar chuckle from behind. Eric.

I immediately look in front of me to Tobias, but he's on the ground, covering his stomach. I drop beside him and take his hand away. I feel myself pale as I see what he's covering; he's the one Eric shot.

His eyes are full of pain, and he's weak already. I shrug off my jacket and put it under his head, starting to cry.

"I-it's gonna be okay. You're gonna be fine," I shakily say.

I push my hands into his wound, trying to stop the bleeding. But I realize a few minutes later that it's not doing any good. I start to cry even harder.

"Tris," Tobias gasps.

I look up at him, tears blurring my vision as I see the state he's in.

"I love you," he says, but I can tell it takes a lot of effort.

"No, you can't do that! Don't give up on me. You-you have to stay alive. I-I need you. Don't do this. Don't do this to me," I sob.

His hand limply reaches up to brush a strand of my hair behind my ear. "You're so beautiful."

"Stop it! Stop! C'mon! You have to fight this! Please, Tobias!"

"He's not going to make it, Beatrice," Eric's voice laughs.

I angrily stand up and search for him in the dark. "You are some sick beast, you know that?! You disgusting, evil, repulsive son of a bi-"

He suddenly appears in front of me and pushes his hand against my throat. He shoves me against the brick wall and while keeping his hand around my throat says, "I suggest - unless you don't want to say goodbye to your little friend here - you don't finish that sentence."

I scratch at his hand, desperate for air - desperate to get back to Tobias.

"You got that?" he growls.

Tears streaming down my face, I nod. He smirks and throws me to the ground, releasing me. I gasp for air as I crawl over to Tobias. His eyes are shut, but he's still breathing.

"Tobias! Tobias, please! Open your eyes!"

He does so, but very slowly. And for the first time, I believe Eric; he's not going to make it. I sob.

"Don't let this get to you forever, okay? Move on. For me?" he rasps.

I shake my head. "No - no. It's-it's gonna be okay. If-if we just - if we just…" I trail off, not knowing what to say.

He sadly smiles at me. "Stop lying to yourself, Tris. We both know what's going to happen."

I sob and take his hand in both of mine. I cradle it against my chest so he can feel my heartbeat. He closes his eyes and he takes in a sharp breath. He opens them a moment later, and almost all the light is gone.

"I love you," he says so weakly that I can barely hear him.

I lean forward and touch my lips to his, despite the tears and blood. He lightly, very lightly, kisses back until his lips don't move at all, and I pull back, alarmed.

"Tobias?!"

He doesn't reply. His chest isn't moving.

"Tobias, wake up! Tobias, you have to wake up!"

I'm sobbing full force. "Tobias! Wake up! Please!"

I never got to tell him. I never got to tell him I love him.

"Tobias!"

"Tobias!"

---

I wake up with a start, tears falling down my cheeks.

"Tobias," I whisper.

I turn to my side and turn on the lamp. I wince as the light fills the room, afraid he'll wake up, but he doesn't.

I know it's silly and completely irrational, but I have to check to make sure his heart is still beating.

I climb out of bed and quietly walk around to the side of the couch he's laying on. I very gently lay my hand on his chest and hold my breath. He doesn't stir. I focus on feeling his heartbeat, and moments later I can feel the silent thumping of his heart. I breathe a sigh of relief. I take my hand off and tell myself to get back into bed now, but my feet stay put. I bend down on my knees and watch his face as he sleeps. Usually his sleeping face is peaceful and makes him look like his true age, but this time there's something different. I notice that his eyes are more crinkled than usual and his eyebrows are crunched into a frown. Is it possible he's feeling the same as me?

I shake my head. No. I can't afford to think like that. He can't possibly feel bad about telling the truth. I sigh and take his hand. He still doesn't wake up. I loosely lace our fingers together and watch his facial features for a while. After what is probably 10 to 20 minutes, I let go of his hand and set it back down on the couch. I stand up and sigh. I need him. I absolutely, positively, 100% need him...and I pushed him away.

I lean down and kiss his forehead. His face relaxes and he finally looks 17 again. I smile lightly, sadly; if only things were this easy when we were both awake. I grab a blanket from my bed and walk back, covering him with it. He's going to know I woke up and did this in the morning, but I don't care. Maybe this is how I can try to start breaking down the barrier between us - by showing him I care.

I run my fingers through his hair and kiss his forehead one more time before walking back to my bed and climbing in. I shut off the light and close my eyes, trying to go back to sleep.

After several minutes of trying to go to sleep and no progress at all, I realize it's useless. I peek one eye open to look at the clock: it's 4:57am. I sigh. I may as well stay up now.

I turn onto my back and contemplate our fight. I sigh again as I realize this won't be a quick or easy fix. I stare at the ceiling for what seems like forever, but when I look at the clock it's only 5:15. It's still pretty early. This is why I'm surprised when something beside me buzzes. I sit up quickly, making sure the echo didn't wake Tobias up. I roll my eyes as I see he hasn't stirred. I'm being paranoid.

I lean over and open the nightstand drawer where my phone is and grab it. I squint as the brightness meets my eyes. It's a text from Christina.

Couples' day today! We'll decide later if we want to go to the fair or not!

Great. A couples' day. What am I going to do? What are we going to do? Nothing as a couple, I know.

Something wet falls onto my phone screen and I realize I'm crying again. I debate about shutting myself down again, but decide against it. Tobias is asleep, what harm could it possibly do?

I turn my phone off and stuff it back into the drawer before turning back into bed. I allow my tears to run. I eventually grab a pillow as small noises start to escape me as well as the tears. I hug the pillow to my chest, wishing it was Tobias.

Suddenly, a part of my dream comes back to me. I remember the terror I felt at losing him, but another feeling hits me - regret. It pangs into my emotions all at once, adding to my tears as I try to figure out what the feeling is from. Then I figure it out.

I was terrified that I lost him. I thought that was the worst part. But then I realize that the regret afterwards felt so much worse. I regretted never getting to tell him I loved him. Loved him.

Tori's voice starts ringing through my head.

"You're scared because you've never felt like this before."

"You love him; you really do. But you don't want to admit it."

"So please take my advice and admit to yourself what you feel. And once that happens, maybe we can talk about telling him."

"You've loved people before: your parents, your friends, Caleb. But that was safe love. This is a different kind of love."

Now I know how the dream is my reality. I lost him - not by death, but relationship wise - and I may not get to tell him I love him.

Oh God.

I love him. I'm in love with Tobias.

And I can't tell him that. I'm too late.

Waves of emotional, mental, and physical exhaustion hit me all at once, and as much as I wish my body would just give into the exhaustion, it fights it. I close my eyes as the tears keep leaking and try to force myself to fall asleep; it doesn't work.

Then I remember - Tobias has sleeping pills. If I can just find where he put them, I can take one and finally get some more sleep to avoid this awful first day of living with the fact that I don't have Tobias anymore.

I quietly let go of the pillow and slip off the bed. I decide to check in the bathroom first. I close the door silently behind me and start to search. After a while though, it's obvious I won't find them in here. I exit the room a moment later and instead crouch over his suitcase. I take a deep breath and as quietly as possible, so as not to wake Tobias up, zip it open. His scent smacks me in the face as I flip the top back. It somehow hits me in a way I didn't know it could, and sends tears silently running down my cheeks.

'Couples' Day today!'

I start to search for the bottle of pills that I know have to be in here. I have to constantly rub my eyes in order to be able to see through the tears. I carefully shuffle through his folded clothes and eventually find two bottles. One is Aspirin, and the other is a name I can't pronounce, but the label describes it as a drowsiness pill. My shaky hands open it, and I find that there is only one left. I shake it out into the palm of my hand. I dry swallow it and hurriedly zip the suitcase up. It's quite loud, and I can hear him stirring. I stand up and hurry into bed, not caring that I forgot to put the empty pill bottle back under his clothes.

I partially crawl under the covers and close my eyes, ready for sleep to take me. The tears have finally stopped, but I don't get the chance to wipe them off. I hear the couch creak and know he's up. It's quiet for a few moments and I start to wonder if he's fallen asleep again when I hear the couch creak once again, and footsteps walk towards the bathroom. The bathroom door shuts, and instead of taking the opportunity to wipe my tears off, they start back up again.

I silently cry as I feel the drowsiness finally starting to hit me. I grab the same pillow I used earlier to cry into to do the same. But I eventually I force myself to stop crying as I hear the bathroom door open again. Now that I've stopped the tears, the drowsiness hits me harder and faster than before. I listen to his footsteps. There are only one or two after the bathroom door opens. I hear the unzipping of his suitcase, and then a sigh. He must've found the empty pill bottle.

The footsteps start back up again, and I half-consciously recognize that they're getting louder which must mean he's getting closer. Within seconds, I can feel him standing next to my bed. Even as sleep continues to pull me under, I still listen as hard as I can.

I hear something sliding open and I realize that he's pulled open the nightstand drawer. He takes something out of it, which is my phone from the sounds of it. Now that I come to think of it, I remember hearing it buzz again. I can faintly see the light through my closed eyelids as the screen turns on. Since I never opened my phone up to look at Christina's message properly, the notification should still be there. My suspicions are confirmed when he sighs, the light disappears, and the drawer slides back closed.

It's silent for a minute and once I'm convinced that he won't do anything else, I give into the drowsiness. It frustrates me that right before I fall asleep, he does something again.

The messy covers around me lift up and gently fall back down so they lay perfectly around my shoulders. His hand comes to my cheek and his thumb brushes off the remaining tears. He brushes back the strands of my hair that are tickling my face and lightly kisses my forehead.

"What are we going to do, Tris?" is the last whisper I hear before going under.

---

Tobias's POV (Yes, I know it's going back and forth)

When I woke up, there was a blanket gently placed on me that wasn't there before. I knew immediately that it was Tris who did it. She must have woken up and put it on me when I was sleeping. It almost broke me, realizing that even though we both made it clear that we don't want to speak to each other, she still thinks of my well-being before her own.

I came even closer to breaking when I explored the room. I saw the empty pill bottle that she must have used at the same time she put the blanket on me. I saw the jumbled mess of clothes in my suitcase that she went through in order to find the pills. I saw her laying messily on the bed. She must have either heard me waking up or wanted to fall asleep as soon as possible to avoid confrontation with me. Maybe it's both.

It's not until I get closer that I see the tears on her face. I look on the nightstand in front of me for her phone for any clues as to what she could be crying about. I realize that she could've just been crying about...earlier...but it seems odd that she would cry without a trigger. She's strong. Something else must have triggered this.

I open the drawer of the nightstand and see her phone. I grab it and look at her recent notifications. I immediately find the trigger: a text from Christina.

Couples' Day today!

And as if that wasn't enough to set her off, there's also one more from her.

So how'd everything go tonight? Did the emergency pool gathering work? Were you able to sort your head out and get some rest?

She dragged Christina into her lies too. And technically, she dragged the rest of the gang in as well. Anger starts to build up in me again and I remember why this won't just blow over - why I can't turn back.

I sigh and put the phone back where it was before. And even though I know I shouldn't be anywhere near Tris right now, I stay here anyways. Besides, what harm could it do? She's asleep anyways.

I watch her sleep for a while. I wish I could say that I didn't feel guilty and that I know what I did was right, but with the obvious restlessness she had along with the tears still sticking to her cheeks, I can't. When I look at her while she's this vulnerable, when she's this close to breaking, I can't be angry with her.

I move my eyes to the covers laying in messy piles around her. I give into my instincts and neatly fix them, pulling them up to her shoulders. I continue to give in and carefully raise my hand to her cheek. I use my thumb to gently wipe the tears away. I push the hair that was sticking to her cheeks back behind her ear. Whether it was known to her or not, she quietly whimpers and curls up smaller around the pillow she's hugging.

A feeling unknown to me passes through my stomach. It's not unpleasant, I wouldn't say; it's...like the feeling you get when you're nervous, but 100 times more powerful….yet it feels 100 times more subdued at the same time. I can't describe it.

Whatever this feeling is causes my stomach to twist and turn with a surge of need I've never felt before: a need to protect this girl lying in front of me - a need so strong it consumes me. It gnaws at me endlessly until I can no longer comprehend why she is stuck there hugging a pillow to her chest instead of me - why she had to take pills in order to fall back asleep after a nightmare rather than me.

I lean down and kiss her forehead, only slightly making my need satisfied.

But then my brain works against this feeling and the sharp, painful memory of our fight returns to my mind. Now this, this feeling that I have right now, is unpleasant. The need to protect the girl I love is still there, but it's fighting against my brain's sense. And I hate it - I hate that my brain's logic is right. I wish it wasn't; I wish I could crawl into bed beside her, wrap her up in my arms, and never let her go...but unfortunately, my brain stops me from doing so.

I know that this-this need I'm feeling is strongly outweighed by my brain's reasoning, but I still don't want it to go. I'm afraid that without it I'll forget why I need her, and I don't want that. I'll never want that.

With all this thinking and feelings against feelings, my head starts to throb. I turn my attention from myself to her again. Focusing on her makes my stomach give another flop.

"What are we going to do, Tris?" I whisper to her as if she could hear me.

I sigh and subconsciously find myself reaching for her hand. I want to stop myself, but the need to touch her, to feel her baby-soft skin, overpowers my mind and continues to let my hand reach for her's. I take it and fold it in between both of mine. I move one of my thumbs to run across her knuckles, back and forth, back and forth. I bow my head a few minutes later and rest it on our hands.

Before I can let myself get too lost in my thoughts again, I close my eyes and focus on the quiet sounds of her breathing. It calms me in a strange sort of way.

The need for her isn't as strong as it was before. It fades until all that's left of the feeling is a pure feeling of content. And that's all I need as of right now: contentedness. Anything more and it would get too complicated. Anything less and I'd convince myself to stand up and walk away.

Contentedness: holding Tris's hand as she sleeps without knowing how much I actually love and need her. Now this - this is what I could never get old of.

But, and there's that awful word again, I know I can't stay like this forever. As soon as she wakes up, we'll both go back to being angry with the only words we speak to each other words of hate and despise. But, and there it is again, I'll stay here for as long as I can, riding this flame of passion until I have to fan it out.

---

Tris' POV

It's been three whole days since the fight with Four. I have never felt worse, and it shows: my hair lies in tangled strands that I don't bother brushing out, my skin is a whole other shade of white, I've stopped eating again, and the bags under my eyes signify the amount of sleep I've lost since the fight. The one thing I haven't turned to yet is the razor. I'm not sure whether to be proud of myself for not using it or angry at myself for still keeping the promise I made to Four when he's the one who's making me want to use it in the first place. Either way, I don't really care. I've stopped caring ever since the first silence fell upon us.

We came back home yesterday. The couples' day before that was awful; as if we didn't have enough to be angry for, Christina obliviously set us up for another round of trouble by keeping us in the same room. It's not that we were forced to at first, but when I had left the room to leave some space between us, Christina found me. She could see something was up and I stupidly told her that Four and I got into a bad fight. I didn't explain much; I just said that we were too angry and hurt to be around the other right now.

Anyone else would have taken that as a sign to back off and leave it be, but of course she wouldn't; it was Christina for God's sake. It was extremely idiotic of me to think she would drop the topic.

She dragged me back up to my room and opened the door with the room key that she had stolen off of me earlier, and pushed Four and me together onto the couch. She lectured us about something I don't remember; I wasn't exactly listening. I don't think Four was listening either. We were too busy trying not to touch, look, or talk to each other.

I do remember Christina angrily telling us that we were 'perfect for each other and should just put our differences aside and work whatever it is we're fighting about out'. I also remember her telling us to just kiss it out if nothing else. I almost scoffed at just the memory. Kiss it out. Yeah right. If anything, that forced 'togetherness' made things even more strained.

School's been miserable as well. I feel even guiltier for the unusual silence that's fallen upon our table at lunch and classes that we have together. Four and I haven't spoken to each other since that day and have barely spoken to our friends; we give minimal word answers when specifically spoken to, but that's it. I've stopped talking to Tori altogether because I know she would just be another Christina trying to help Four and I work it out. I love them both, but I can't handle that right now.

Now, back to the present. It's after school and I'm riding with Four back home. I'm not sure if it's his selflessness or pride that's caused him to still give me rides to and from school, no matter how awkward and silent it is.

I've been fidgeting with my fingers and looking down at my lap for the duration of the ride. I bite my lip as we come to a stop. I go to get out like always, but I'm startled into a frozen position as I hear him speak.

"Tris…"

It takes all the strength in me to turn and look at him. As I stare into his eyes, I feel something painfully stab inside me. Loss, maybe? Guilt? Whatever it is, it hurts.

Our stare lasts for probably 10 seconds when he opens his mouth to speak. My phone chooses to ding right then and break our little moment. I feel myself blush with embarrassment as I check the text.

It's me. I can talk for 20 minutes. But it has to be within the next 10 minutes that you call. Get somewhere private.

Caleb.

He shakes his head as I look back at him, slightly questioningly.

"Nevermind."

I bite my lip to stop the tears from breaking through. I blink furiously as I nod, jumping out of his truck and walking back home as fast as possible. As soon as I get through my door, I let out a few dry sobs, still refusing to let the tears fall.

I let my book bag drop with a thud next to the front door and slide to a sitting position against it. I quickly pull myself together and dial Caleb's number. It rings a few times before picking up.

"Hello?"

"Hey Caleb," I say with a bit of relief. It's nice to hear his voice again, especially after not talking to anyone comfortably for the past three days.

"Beatrice! It's great to hear your voice again!"

I almost start to cry again. "You too! You have no idea how much I needed to talk to my big brother."

"Why? What's happened?"

I quickly shake my head, but then remember he can't see me. "No, nothing's happened. I just miss you, that's all."

It's suspiciously quiet for a few moments. "Are you sure you're okay?"

"Yeah, I'm fine!" I say, surprising myself with how easy the lie slipped out.

"As long as you're sure…." Caleb trails off.

"I'm sure." And there's a lie again. Four's right; I do lie a lot. I swallow hard to get the lump out of my throat.

"Okay...well, what's been going on with you lately?"

"Nothing much, mostly just school," I lie again. Guilt settles into my stomach. I lie to my godmother, my best friend, my boyfriend, and now my brother?

"Well, how's that been going? You moved, right? So have you made any new friends? Any new enemies?" he asks cheekily.

I crack a small smile. It's the first time I've done that in days. "Yeah, I have actually. To both things."

"Woah, you made enemies? You know I was just kidding, right?" he asks worriedly.

"Don't worry Cal, I don't think they'll ever bother me again."

"What? Why? What happened?" he continues.

"I punched their 'leader' in the nose, and they haven't bothered me since."

I hear him laugh in disbelief. "No way."

I let a little bit bigger smile slip onto my face. "Yes way."

"But the Beatrice I know would not do that," he says seriously this time.

"Well after, you know, my family died, I changed," I say pointedly towards him.

He sighs. "Okay, point taken. What kind of changes?"

"Well...I built a wall. I didn't let anyone in anymore. I didn't let anyone get to me. I would temporarily dye my hair black with blue and gray streaks to symbolize you guys. I stopped playing piano. I started wearing black all the time. I pretty much developed a new personality - one that was less naïve and more protective."

He's silent for a minute. "I had no idea…"

"If it makes you feel any better," I start, "I've dropped some of that personality now and have a good mix between both my original one and this one."

He sighs in relief. "Okay, that does make me feel better."

"I figured it would. Tris and Beatrice do quite well together when they're balanced out."

"Wait, Tris? What's Tris?" I can practically hear the confusion in his voice, and I realize I haven't told him about what I go by now.

"Oh! I forgot to tell you! I go by Tris now. Short for Beatrice. I never really liked my name anyways, but after Mom and Dad died, and I thought you too, I shortened it to Tris."

"Why?"

"I thought it sounded like me more. It suits me better than Beatrice ever will now."

"Well, should I call you Tris then?"

"No, no it's fine. You're my brother. You're allowed to call me Beatrice. You and Tori are the only ones who reserve that right."

I stand up and start to walk up to my room, still with the phone. Just in case Tori would get back early, I don't want her to be suspicious of whoever I'm talking to.

"Are you sure?"

I roll my eyes as I push open my bedroom door. "Yes, I'm sure Cal."

"So, Beatrice, you told me about your enemies, now tell me about your friends," he says after thinking for a moment.

"Oh! Yeah!" I mentally curse myself. Why couldn't I have said I didn't really have any here? It would've made this so much easier to do. "Umm...they're really great. They welcomed me into their group with open arms. They're all really different, but in a good way. They all have my back though, no matter what."

"That's great, Beatrice! How many of them are there?"

I quickly make a small number up in my head. "Umm...2 of them. There are 2 of them."

"Only two? But you said a group, Beatrice. 2 isn't exactly a group," he states, the suspicion heavy in his voice.

"Oh, yeah, well, that's because I meant that there are only 2, uh, really good friends out of all of them."

I come this close to smacking my head against the wall for four reasons. One, I both told the truth and lied. Yes, there are two really good friends out of the entire gang, but it's obvious I lied about there only being two friends period. Two, Caleb is going to worry that I'm currently in a fight with them or something, which would actually be dead on were he able to guess that. Three, now he's going to ask me what made these two people stand out from the rest. And four, he'll ask me about them.

Why couldn't I have said I made one friend? Or even better yet, no friends?

"I see…" he begins, the suspicion practically dripping from his voice. "And why are they your best friends?"

And here's the part where I should start slamming my head against the wall.

"I don't know...I guess we just hit it off better than everyone else. Had a connection that no one else did."

I roll my eyes at my pathetic explanation. A connection. Are you kidding me? That's the best I could come up with? Nobody on this planet would buy that story.

"Uh-huh. Now, what are these two's names?"

I actually do it this time around: I smack my head against the wall next to me a few times.

"Beatrice, what's that?"

I quickly stop and jump on the new subject. "Oh, nothing. I just dropped something and it bounced a few times on the floor."

"But I thought you were holding the phone?" he asks, only getting more suspicious.

I curse at myself again. "I am, but only with one hand. I tried to pick something else up but dropped it."

"Okay….so back on topic. What are your two best friends' names again?"

I quickly glance towards the window by my bed looking for Four. It's useless I realize - he's kept his blinds down for the past couple of days; it's like an unspoken agreement between us to close off that open passageway between us.

"Well, they're umm...they're…" I debate about telling the truth, but Caleb beats me to speaking.

"Alright, I've heard enough. What the hell is going on?"

Even though it shouldn't bother me anymore, I still cringe the same. It's weird hearing my perfect brother curse, even after all these years.

"Nothing's going on!" I quickly insist.

"Yes, something is! And it's bothering you! I heard it in your voice the moment you picked up, but I assumed it was just the long distance call that made you sound like that. Well, until now, at least. Now, tell me what's going on!"

I wince. "Nothing is."

"Beatrice…" he trails off warningly.

I sigh. "I just had a fight with one of them, that's all. I'm sure it'll all work out in the end." That's what I hope, anyways.

"What was it about?"

"Nothing. Just something stupid."

"If it's something stupid then why can't you just acknowledge that and work it out?"

"It's not that simple, Caleb," I say, getting frustrated.

"Woah, woah, woah. Calm it," he says firmly but gently. He waits a few moments. "Is there something you're not telling me here?"

I sigh again. "No."

It's silent for the next few moments. Then he speaks up.

"So you're in a fight with a friend?"

"No- yes, I mean. Yes." I have never had a bigger urge to crawl into a hole and stay there until the end of time than now. I slipped up.

"Ah, so it's with a guy?"

"No," I try to lie cleanly.

"That's what I thought."

I frown, confused. He bought that?

"So who's your boyfriend?"

I groan. Of course he didn't. He's too smart not to pick up on that.

"There is no boyfriend, Cal."

"Yes, there is. Don't keep trying to lie to me. If you don't believe that I actually have this figured out, I can spell it out to you; however, we only have 7 minutes left to talk and I really don't want to waste it telling you what we already know."

I plop down on my bed. "Why do you have to be so damn smart?"

"Because I am. Now start. Who is he? How'd you meet? How long have you been going out? Why didn't you tell me about him before?"

"His name is Four, and no, that's not his real name. His real name is something I can't tell you because it's very private to him. No one other than me, him, and the people who named him know it. He lives next door, but I didn't know that until school started, and that's how we met. We've been going out for a little over a month now, although it feels like it's been forever. And I didn't tell you because I thought you would freak out."

"And why would I freak out?"

"Because that's what you do, Caleb. You freak out over any boy who comes near me," I scoff.

"Maybe so, but you still should've told me."

"Well, I'm sorry that it didn't come to mind last conversation. I was a little busy, you know, listening to my brother explain why he's not dead."

I can tell I'm pushing his buttons a bit. "Okay, point taken. Again. I said I'm sorry, what else do you want me to do?"

I take a deep breath, trying to contain my frustration not only at him, but at everybody else in my life right now as well.

"Well it would've been nice if you had stayed with Tori and I after Mom and Dad died, but it's whatever. Apparently it wasn't important enough to you to stay."

"Beatrice! I did this to protect you! I already explained this to you!" There goes the first button.

"Well you could've at least explained to me what you were doing before you flew halfway across the world! Before your 'funeral' happened! That would've been nice!"

"Beatrice, stop it right now," he says, anger dripping from his voice like water from a faucet. "You know damn well why I did this, and I don't want to hear anymore of it. I'm sorry that things had to go this way, but it's in the past, and there's nothing I can do about it now."

I pause for a moment then let out a sob against my will. "I'm sorry, Caleb. I'm sorry. It's just...it feels like everything that could have possibly gone wrong in my life right now has and I have no idea how to fix it."

"It's okay, Bea. It's okay. Please don't cry. Maybe I can help. What did you and - Four was it? - fight about?"

I wipe the few tears that fell onto my cheeks off and border up my emotions again. "Like I said, it's stupid."

"Maybe so, but I won't know that for a fact until you tell me about it."

I sigh. "Listen, I really don't feel like going in depth about it. It only happened a few days ago so that memory is still kind of raw."

"Then don't go in depth. Just tell me the outlines."

I pick at a loose thread on my shirt. "I kind of lied to him about some things and then he found out about them and he got really hurt, which he had every right to be. He thought I was cheating on him or something like that, which is ridiculous because I would never do that, but he was angry about that too. Then I got mad and threw his words back at him which only made things worse, and….yeah. I think that's about it."

"About?"

I sigh. "I kind of...disappeared, you could say, the night we had our fight. We were in Haviland and Justin showed me that he had that letter you wrote for me. I knew I had to get it, but I didn't tell anyone about it. So I kind of lied to my best friend and convinced her to make everyone go to the pool so I could slip out unnoticed by Four. Then when I came back and didn't tell him why I disappeared in the first place...well, you can probably guess how he felt about that."

It's silent for a long moment. "I hate to say this because I'm your brother and I've never met this Four guy, but it kind of sounds like he has every right to be mad. You reserve some rights to be mad because I'm sure some stuff was said that wasn't right, but it still sounds like you messed up a bit. And I'm willing to bet that those walls you built had a big part in this."

I bite my lip. "I know he has every right to be mad. I know I messed up and I should've just told the truth about where I was going. I should've never lied to him about anything. He doesn't think I trust him, or feel the same way about him as he feels about me. And I do. That's what makes this so awful."

"Bea…."

"I miss him so much, Caleb. I miss him so much it hurts."

"Beatrice, I think you depend upon him too much. You're reading too far into it. You're only 17. This is probably just some high school fling that you'll barely remem-"

"Caleb, I swear to God if you finish that sentence I will hunt you down and kill you. I don't care if you're halfway across the world. And if you add on some crap about being too young to know what love is it'll only worsen your situation."

"Wait - hold up. You love the guy?!"

I wince and stutter, trying to back out of it, but then I realize that I don't care what he thinks. He hasn't been in my life for two years. While he's been gone, Tobias has been there. Caleb can think whatever he wants, but I won't care.

"Yes. I do."

He's stunned into silence. "But..but you're only 17…"

"I may be 17, but after someone has been raped, seen their family die, and was left to fend on their own, it tends to cause the person to mature pretty quickly," I say annoyed.

"Have-have you told him?"

My small moment of pride is quickly washed away.

"No. You know how they say you never know how much you love something until it's taken away from you? That's kind of my situation right now. Besides, even if I had realized it sooner, I probably still wouldn't have told him yet. I've really only admitted it to myself so far. I don't think I'm quite ready to say it to him yet."

He falls quiet again. I hear a voice in the background telling him it's almost time to hang up. I hear Caleb tell the guy that he's not going to be hanging up until he's done. It makes me smile a bit. So this really does mean a lot to him.

"So am I the first one you've told this to?"

I think. "Yes, actually."

He takes a deep breath. "Listen, it's obvious that this guy means the world to you, and I'm sorry for doubting that. I just want to know where this guy stands. I'll do one question at a time. Is he mature enough to feel the same things?"

"Yes," I immediately say.

"Does he feel the same way?"

"Yes," I say a little more hesitantly this time.

"When did he tell you this?"

"A few days ago."

"What did he say when he told you?"

"I wasn't aware you were such a girl, Cal." I imagine him rolling his eyes.

"I just want to know that he really meant it and isn't just looking for sex. I mean, c'mon. A month, Bea? You have to understand that's a little hard for me to believe."

I feel myself blush at that word. "Okay, first off, I know it seems like it's way too early to be developing those feelings. But even before we started going out, we've spent nearly every waking moment together. I trust him with my life, Caleb. He's had a rough past too, so he also acts much more mature than he really is. He understands what not a lot of guys do when it comes to compassion and showing someone that you care. Also, I can assure you that he's not just looking for...that."

"How can you be so sure?"

"I told him about Eric." I can tell this shocks him as well. "C'mon, Caleb. If a guy was only looking for that then he wouldn't have stuck around afterwards. I also told him that I was afraid of it. He's not looking for...sex, Caleb."

"What did he say when you told him that?"

"Well, which one?"

"What?"

"About the time I told him what Eric did or that I was afraid of intimacy?"

"You didn't do it at the same time?"

"No."

"Oh."

He's silent again. I roll my eyes.

"Caleb, I know what I'm doing, okay? He knows what a mess I am, and without him I don't know how I would even be coping right now."

"Did you tell him about Mom and Dad?"

"Did I tell him about seeing my family's dead bodies and watching my mother die in front of me? Yes, on the same day I told him about Eric. Have I told him about the recurring nightmares I have? Yes. Have I told him how after my family died my friends turned their backs on me? Yes. Have I told him about my insecurities? Yes. Plenty of times, yet he still stayed with me. Listen, anything you could possibly think of, I have told him about."

He stays quiet, contemplating everything I've just said.

"You haven't told him you love him," he quietly states.

I let out a breath and brace myself as the familiar pain of losing him takes over again. "No. You're right. I haven't."

"Tell him."

"I can't."

"Beatrice, you should just tel-"

"I can't."

"Yes, you ca-"

"No, I can't!" I snap. I squeeze my eyes shut to keep the tears in. "No, I can't." My voice breaks and goes soft. "Don't you see? I'm too late. I lost him. I don't even know if he is my boyfriend anymore. Things are too complicated to just walk over to his front door step and tell him that I love him. I can't do that. At least, not anymore."

Neither of us speak for the next few minutes.

"You really love each other, don't you?"

I blink several times, trying and failing to keep my emotions inside of me.

"I love him, but I don't know if he loves me anymore."

"He does."

"You've never even met him. How would you know?"

"You were right; if a guy is just looking for sex, he'll go for the girls without baggage. He'll go for the ones that are easy. He wouldn't stay and try to make things work. He would leave as soon as possible. You were right about that. But I also know that a guy wouldn't stay throughout any type of baggage if he wasn't serious about the relationship he was in. He wouldn't care if he wasn't in it for long-term. And based on what you just told me, I feel like I can trust this guy. Even after you guys have had a fight, you defended him. That's rare. That's how I know that my baby sister found someone who's good for her. And who am I to get in the way of that?"

Tears leak out at his speech. I should think of a million different things to say to him other than what I do, but I can't.

"I'm not a baby anymore, Caleb," I say, choked up but laughing a little bit.

"No, you're not," he says sadly.

It's quiet again. "Well now you're just making this even harder on me," I manage to get out without disturbing the lump in my throat.

"I'm sorry," he quickly says. "Let's change the topic."

"Okay...when are you coming home? Do you know for sure yet?"

He's quiet for a moment. "You, hold on."

"What? Why?"

But it's obvious he doesn't hear me. If I listen closely, I can hear voices in the background again, but I can't make out what they're saying. I hear some shouting, but finally it stops when I hear Caleb speak again.

"Make it happen."

Make what happen?

His voice comes back on.

"Tomorrow. I'll be there tomorrow."

I sit straight up. "What?!"

"You heard me."

"But I thought you said a week last time I talked to you!"

"And I did. But I'm coming tomorrow."

"But-but...how?! Why?!"

"I'm coming home to make sure you patch things up with Four. You're hurting and you obviously won't do it without a push."

"Can you even do that? Leave earlier than scheduled?"

"Probably not without being strongly disliked for it. But it will happen."

"How can you be so sure?"

"Just trust me. I'll put it this way." His voice gets louder and I can tell he's not only talking to me when he says this. "I'm flying home tomorrow whether they like it or not. So they can either figure something out and grant me permission, or I'll be flying home without it. I don't care either way."

I laugh tearily. "So does this mean I can tell Tori? You said a day before, right?"

"Yes, you can tell Tori."

I hear chaos in the background. I laugh again knowing that this was definitely not in the plan. Now they have to fly him out tomorrow. They don't have another choice.

"I've got to go, Beatrice. I'll see you tomorrow. Tell Tori about the letter; hell, you can even show her if you want to."

I laugh again as the yelling commences into louder, more urgent yelling. "I will. I will. I love you, Cal."

"I love you too, Bea."

The line ends, and I sit there with a dumb smile on my face for a few minutes. This will distract me from my problems with Four for a while.

I want to tell Tori right now. Unfortunately, she has a meeting at the school until 7:00 tonight.

I lay back down on the bed for probably 10 minutes before checking the time. It's only 5:00. I decide that I don't care about the stupid meeting anymore. I'm going to the school myself. This kind of news doesn't wait for two hours before being told.

I quickly run downstairs and slip on my shoes from earlier. I grab a jacket and hurry out the door, beginning my walk to the school. I start to run when I'm about a quarter of the way there.

Apparently I wasn't paying attention to where I was running and roughly run into someone on the way. I stop and turn around. The man is squatting on the ground, picking up papers that I made him drop. I immediately get down on my knees and start to help him.

"I'm so sorry, I must not have been watching where I was going…" I trail off. Something doesn't seem right. I stare at the other pair of hands in front of me. I gulp as I see they look extremely familiar. The hands are rough, ragged, cracked, bruised, and look like they could choke the life out of anything without remorse. A weight sinks into the bottom of my stomach. They sure do look familiar- too familiar.

The hands run through my mind in small flashes. I argue with myself about my next move. Do I run? Do I hide? Do I simply keep moving towards the school, hoping he doesn't recognize me too? Do I look?

Without thinking it through, I chance a small glance up at him. Even though I was pretty sure I knew who it was, it's different knowing it. I feel myself pale, and I freeze out of shock.

He smirks at me. "What's the matter, huh princess? Didn't think you'd ever see me again?"

I know I should move. I should run, hide, keep moving, pretend I'm someone else, at least do something, but my body does not cooperate.

"I don't know why you're so shocked; I mean, I did tell you I'd see you soon, didn't I? Remember? Right after your good for nothing friends showed up and saved you."

My feet finally start to unfreeze. I stand up slowly and start to walk backwards. His manic laugh fills my ears as his eyes turn cold.

"If you plan on running, do it now."

And that's exactly what I do.

I know, I know! I'm sorry! But I am already working on the next chapter as you read this! It'll be up soon enough!

Also, I know it's a few days late and I feel really bad about it, but happy birthday anyways to Funfunfun151515! I really hope you had a great birthday! I really wanted to get this chapter up by Saturday for a birthday gift from me to you, but unfortunately it did not work out. But I just wanted to let you know that I did read your oh so kind review, and that I sincerely wish you a happy birthday, even if it is late! (By the way, my favorite number is 15 so it was fun seeing that you had three of them in your username.:D)

Thank you for all the support guys! I really appreciate it, and I promise to have the next chapter up soon! But until then, can we get to 570 reviews, 315 favorites, and 370 follows?

Until next time!