Learning To Let Them In

by aubreylovesthegames

Tris is broken. She is alive, but she isn't living. One day took everyone from her. She and her guardian, Tori, decide to move to Chicago for a fresh start. Tris pushes away everyone she meets, not wanting any 'friends', but that becomes a little difficult when the boy next door, Four, slowly starts to break her walls down, piece by piece. What will happen? Will Tris let them in?

39. Chapter 39

It's 2017 guys! It's hard to believe that time has flown by this quickly….but oh well! I hope you guys are having a good year so far!

Disclaimer: I don't own Divergent or any of its characters. Do I look like I'm Veronica Roth? *looks at screen* ….Oh yeah….

Chapter 39

Tris's POV

"Welcome home, Cal."

We don't let go for a long time. I take my time breathing his scent in and memorizing him again.

"2 years was 2 years too long," he mumbles.

"I can second that," I say.

"So Bea wasn't going crazy when she told me you were alive," Tori says from behind us.

Caleb laughs and sets me down. "No, she wasn't. You're stuck with me for good now."

Tori tearily laughs and hugs Caleb. "My little Caleb is finally home."

I smile as I watch them reunite. I turn my head to Tobias who sits on the arm of the couch, jaw dropped. I walk over to him and smile.

"I'm sorry I couldn't tell you. I wanted to so bad, especially that night in Haviland."

I sit myself on his lap and wrap my arms gently around him. His arms come around me as well, holding me in place.

"This is the letter you went to go get?" he asks.

I nod. "Yes."

He sighs. "Well, you've successfully made me feel like the biggest ass in the world. I'm so sorry."

I shake my head. "You had every right to be mad; what I did was uncalled for."

"It still doesn't mean I should lose my head like that."

"And neither should have I."

"And who is this?" Caleb asks accusingly.

At a leisurely pace, I get up off of Tobias and take his hand, pulling him up too. I lace our fingers together.

"Caleb, this is Four, my boyfriend. Four, this is Caleb, my brother."

"Wait. So you're telling me that all the trouble I went to to get here early doesn't even have a purpose anymore?"

I smile sheepishly. "I may have forgotten to mention that to you."

He smiles back. "It's okay as long as you're happy." He sticks out his hand and makes eye contact with the boy holding my hand. They shake hands.

"It's nice to meet you, Caleb."

"And the same goes to you, Four."

They let go of each other's hands. We all look at Caleb. He sighs.

"I guess it's time for me to explain," he says.

"I think it is," Tori replies.

---

I sit between Caleb and Tobias, Caleb on my left and Tobias on my right. Caleb just got done explaining everything he told me already. Tori is the first to speak.

"I still can't believe you were so close to us…."

He sighs. "Trust me, to get up and walk away from you guys was the hardest thing I've ever had to do. And it probably always will be."

"I imagine so."

"You're taking this really well," he states, surprised.

"Why wouldn't I? Someone I love just came back from the dead! I've missed you so much! How could I get mad?"

I feel myself blush and Caleb playfully throws one arm around me. I roll my eyes as he ruffles my hair.

"Well, this one here didn't see it that way."

"What'd she do?" Tobias laughs as Tori exclaims, "Beatrice!"

"She yelled at me for a good long while. She couldn't believe that I would do something like that to her. She saw my choosing to leave as a choice of abandonment instead of protection."

"Beatrice Edith Prior!" Tori yells at me.

I blush even further but rush to defend myself. "Hey! I know better now! It was just hard to hear, that's all!"

"Edith, huh?" Tobias mocks me.

"James, huh?" I retort feistily.

His eyes go wide. "Wha-"

"A magician never tells her secrets," I reply.

His eyebrows raise, and he gives me a look. I sigh.

"Fine. I saw your birth certificate in your room," I state.

He rolls his eyes. "I see we snooped a lot further than what is polite."

I smile and pat his cheek. "You know it." Caleb laughs from behind us. I turn my head to face him. "What?"

"Nothing."

"No, tell me!"

He chuckles again. "You two argue like an old married couple, that's all."

Both of our cheeks redden, causing Tori to giggle and Caleb to laugh.

"So how are the Whites?" Caleb asks me.

"Well, I already told you about Andrea…" He nods. "Mark is apparently in a state of shock. Taylor changed a lot, but is doing well, Makayla is as cute as ever, and Justin is taking care of all of them right now."

"Isn't he supposed to be at college?"

I nod. "Yes, but after Andrea passed he got permission to go back home and continue the semester from there."

"They do that?"

"Apparently so."

"I need to call him sometime," he says after a moment's pause.

"Yeah, you do. He might appreciate it knowing you're alive. Or, you know, maybe not. You can be very annoying at times."

Caleb chuckles and punches my arm playfully. I smile at how easily we've fallen into our sibling-ish banter again. Then Caleb's smile falls. He stares a little below my chin.

"What's that?" he asks, his voice shaking as he stands up.

I frown, confused. Tori jumps up quickly.

"Who did that to you?! Did he do it?!" he starts to yell and points at Tobias. Caleb steps towards him, fists raised. I feel Tobias flinch from behind me and I cover him up with my arms. Tori hooks her arms around Caleb's stomach and pulls him back.

"Caleb, what are you doing?!" I yell.

"Did he do that to you?!"

"Did he do what?!" I scream.

"Your neck! Did he do that?!"

I feel my face pale as I look down. The sweatshirt has sagged down far enough to expose the cut on my neck. I quickly look back up.

"No! Of course he didn't!"

"How should I believe that?! You went pale as soon as I asked! Are you scared of him?! Are you scared of him because he did this?!"

"Listen to yourself, Caleb! Do you honestly think Tori would let me be with someone like that?! Do you think I'd want to be with someone like that?!"

He stops struggling and breathes heavily for a few minutes. Tori sits him down on the chair furthest away from me and starts to talk to him, trying to calm him down.

I turn around and see Tobias...but that's not who I really see; I see a young boy backed into a corner with no place to go, terrified of the near future. A boy with his eyes clenched shut, holding the couch cushions with a white-knuckled grip.

I wrap my arms around him and whisper in his ear.

"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. It's just me here. He's not going to hurt you. I'm so sorry. I know you would never do something like that to me, and I'll make sure Caleb does to."

He finally opens his eyes, but they look haunted. I immediately know he is in a different world-a world with Marcus raising his fists at him instead of his girlfriend's reckless older brother. I suddenly grow angry and stand up, tears in my eyes.

"Look what you did to him! Look! Do you still think it's him who did this?! After everything I've told you about him?! This is how you reward him for saving my life?!"

Caleb's eyes go wide and he looks shocked.

"That's right! He saved your little sister's life! He saved me from the person who did do this!" I yell and point to my neck. Tears are steadily streaming down my face, and I feel something inside of me break.

"Never, in all my years, have I ever seen someone look like how he is now! It hurts that you actually thought the boy who loves me would do this to me! You barely even gave him a chance before you jumped to conclusions!"

I can't stop; a dam cracked open, and all of the emotions I've been holding in are flooding back out. "You can't just accuse someone of doing something like that before you know more about them! Use your eyes, Caleb! Did you seriously think I would be that happy with him if he hit me?! If he did things like this?! If I was scared of him?! You might be my brother, and you might automatically want to protect me, but going around yelling and pointing fingers is not the way to do it!"

Tobias's voice quietly interrupts me. "Tris, it's okay."

I turn to the side so I can see both of the boys in the room. "No, it's not okay! He should know better than to make accusations like that! He can't disappear for two years then come back and act like he knows exactly what's best for me and like nothing has happened since he left! It just doesn't work like that!" I turn to Caleb. "It's been two years, Caleb! Two years! You have to accept the fact that our lives went on while you were gone! You have to accept the fact that I changed! We thought you were dead! What were we supposed to do?! Put our lives on hold and wait for you to return?! No! We had no choice! Life may not have been easy, but it sure as hell kept moving! And while it marched on, I met new people who helped me move on from you and Mom and Dad!"

Tobias interrupts again. "He didn't know, Tris. It's okay."

I ignore him. "That boy you're accusing of hurting me has done nothing but help me! That boy right there-" I point to Tobias. "That boy has helped me more than you ever can! You don't understand what it was like to think your entire family was dead for two years! You don't know what it feels like to be all alone! You can try all you want, but you never will! He-" I thrust my finger towards Tobias again. "He does! And he has helped me in ways you can't even imagine!"

"Tris," Tobias gently but firmly says, letting me know I need to stop. I'm sobbing by this point, and I finally look at Tobias. He looks concerned. "Come here. It's okay."

Still sobbing, I make my way to his arms and curl into a ball against his chest. His arms come around me, and I cry into his shirt. He kisses the top of my head while his hands rub my back. The only noises in the room are my cries.

"It's okay," Tobias whispers into my ear so only I can hear him. "He didn't know. I've done the same thing he has, you know that. Sometimes when someone tries to protect you, it comes off in the wrong way and at the wrong person. It's okay. He was just trying to keep you safe."

I slowly stop my cries but feel too defeated and weak to move from my place in his arms.

"I'm sorry," Caleb says very quietly. "To both of you. Four, it was wrong of me to accuse you of something that is obvious you didn't do. And Beatrice...I'm sorry for hurting you. I didn't mean to; I just want to protect you. You're my little sister, and even though I haven't been around for the last 2 years, it's still my first instinct. Your last boyfriend did unspeakable things to you, and so I guess I'm automatically a little wary of anyone who holds the title of 'boyfriend' in your life. I'm sorry."

I stay quiet, then sigh. "I'm sorry too," I whisper just loud enough for him to hear.

It's dead silent for the next couple of minutes.

"But if he didn't do it, then who did?"

Nobody answers him, so I do.

"The only person you know who would be capable of doing something like this."

He takes in a sharp breath. "How did he find you?"

"I don't know," I say in a small voice. Now that I'm not crying or yelling, I can feel my neck throbbing in pain.

"Can you tell me what happened?"

I pause, then speak. "Tori, my phone is in my room."

"What? Her phone?"

"You'll see," Tori says and stands up, walking up the stairs.

"Tell her to get some headphones," I whisper to Tobias. "I can't listen again."

"Hey Tori!" he yells.

"Yes, Four?"

"Tris requests that you get some headphones along with it!"

"Where are they?"

"On top of the piano."

"On top of the piano!" he repeats.

"Okay!"

A door opens upstairs and footsteps roam around.

"I'm sorry, Caleb. I don't know what happened. I just...something broke and then I couldn't stop," I whisper.

"It's okay, Bea. Don't apologize."

Tori comes back downstairs. "Okay. I've got the phone and headphones. Is there anything else?"

I shake my head.

"She says no," Tobias speaks.

"What does Eric attacking her have to do with her phone?" Caleb asks.

"She caught it on video," Tobias speaks.

"She...what?" Caleb asks very quietly.

"She didn't have enough time to call for help, so she did the next best thing and decided to record some evidence for later."

I hear Caleb fall silent. I then hear cords moving around which I can only assume are the headphones. I hear a tap on a screen and then silence again, and I know he's watching it.

"What's wrong with me?" I whisper to Tobias after a few minutes. "Why couldn't I stop?"

He holds me tighter. "It wasn't your fault. You just lost your ability to hold back. It's okay. It happens to the best of us."

"But why did I do it?"

He sighs. "I know you've been keeping everything in. I'm guessing all of your emotions built up, and eventually they couldn't be contained anymore. I wouldn't be surprised if it happened again."

I sigh. "I feel so bad. I mean, he's my brother! I haven't seen him in two years! I thought he was dead!" I exhale. "I shouldn't have blown up. I know he was just trying to protect me."

He kisses my forehead. "It's because you care, Tris."

"Probably too much."

"Exactly. I'm sorry that me going into another world was the final push that set you off, but it was only because you care about me that you reacted so strongly."

I adjust my body so my head is in the crook of his neck.

"Sometimes I wonder what I did to deserve someone like you," I state truthfully.

"You shouldn't," he replies.

"But I do. You're so much better than me. You're stronger, and braver, and more patient, and-"

"Before you finish that, I want you to know that I think the exact same thing when I wonder what I did to deserve you."

I shake my head and he pulls his head back, forcing mine out of the place in his neck. He gently kisses me and I let my eyes flutter shut. I focus on his lips for a while before pulling back. He rests his forehead on mine.

"I love you, okay? Love doesn't do anything to be deserved, it just comes, and you came with it for me. You can't do anything to change that."

I smile and kiss him for a few more seconds. "Okay," I whisper, eyes still shut.

I move my head to press against his cheek. His lips gently caress my own cheek, and I can feel his soft breathing next to my ear. I let out a sigh of contentment.

"Why can't we just stay in this moment forever?" I whisper.

"Because then we wouldn't be able to experience what else life has in store for us. We wouldn't be able to grow old together."

I smile. Grow old together. I like the sound of that.

I take a few relaxing deep breaths and pull away, tucking my head back into his neck. He leans the side of his head gently against mine.

"Beatrice…" I hear Caleb whisper from behind me.

I sigh and turn myself around in Tobias's arms so I'm leaning against his chest and can make eye contact with Caleb. Tobias's arms sneak around my stomach, holding me in place. His chin rests on top of my head.

"I…I…I'm so sorry. Really. I...I shouldn't have blown up. Of course I know you're a smart girl and that you can handle yourself…I just…I love you, and I don't want to see you get hurt."

I ponder over his apology for a few moments. "I'll accept your apology as long as you accept mine."

He weakly smiles. "Deal."

Caleb stands up and walks towards me. But he isn't looking at me; he's looking at Tobias. Tobias raises his head up off of mine.

"Four...I owe you a huge apology. Words can't describe how sorry I am for accusing you of doing such a thing. I know we got off on the wrong foot, but I now see that you care about her just as much as I do, and I know you'll treat her right. I know you already treat her right."

Tobias nods and smiles at Caleb. They shake hands again.

"And thank you for saving her. There's nothing I can ever do to repay you for that, but don't hesitate to let me know if you need something."

Tobias shakes his head. "You don't need to give me anything in return. I did this on my own accord; I don't want anything for it."

Caleb smiles at him. "I'm starting to like you more and more with every passing moment."

"I'll take that as a compliment."

Caleb yawns.

"How are you already tired?!" I ask. "It's only-" I look at the clock on the wall. "-4 o'clock!"

He smirks. "Australian time, remember? And jet lag."

I roll my eyes, mentally smacking myself. "Okay, yes. Now I remember."

"So that's what Lexie meant when she mentioned Australia?" Tori asks. I almost forgot she was in here too.

"Yes, that's what she meant," I reply.

"But how did she know?" Tobias asks.

"She's the sheriff of Chicago. She had to help make sure I arrived safely. But how do you know her?" Caleb answers.

"She was the officer that got our statements and helped press charges," I answer. "I had no idea she was the sheriff."

Caleb nods. "I should've figured."

It stays quiet for a little while more, then Caleb yawns again.

"Hey Bea?"

"Yeah?"

"Do you think I could crash in your room for a quick nap?"

"You have your own room, you know."

"I do?"

"It's not ready yet, but it does have a bed, dresser, and closet," Tori says, rushed.

"I don't care if it's finished or not. Just knowing that I have a bed is more than I could have ever asked for."

Tori smiles. "You're still abnegation at heart, aren't you?"

He chuckles. "I blame Mom and Dad."

"C'mon, I'll show you upstairs."

They both leave the room after Caleb kisses my cheek. When they're upstairs, I stand up, grab the remote from the side table, and turn the TV on. I sit next to Tobias as I flip through the channels.

"What are you going to watch?" he asks.

"I'm not sure. If I can't find anything particularly interesting, I'll just select a random movie."

And that's what I end up doing. I'm not sure what it is or what it's about, but I'm perfectly content as is. As long as I have Tobias next to me, I think I'll always be content.

I take a blanket from the couch and toss it over my shoulders, wrapping it around me. I lay my head on his shoulder and smile. His hand finds mine and laces our fingers together. I exhale; so this is what being at peace feels like.

I close my eyes and, after a few minutes, feel myself start to nod off. I snap my eyes back open and try to stay awake, but, moments later, they droop back down.

"Hold on, Tris," he says, and his body starts to tip backwards. I sleepily take my head off his shoulder and wait. He lays flat on his back and holds his arms out to me. I gently lay myself on top of him. I place my ear above his heart. Its steady thumping brings me a new sense of calm.

"Get some sleep. You need it," he whispers.

I barely nod before I close my eyes. His arms move and adjust the blanket covering me. After he's done, one of them curl around my back while the other is placed on the back of my head, holding it in place. A small smile makes its way onto my face as I fall asleep.

---

Hushed whispers are what start to wake me up.

"They both fell asleep. I'm sure Four didn't mean to."

"Do they do this a lot?"

"Yes. They sleep in the same bed at night."

"They what?!"

"Oh, relax Caleb. They don't do anything. It helps Bea with the nightmares."

"They will not be sleeping in the same bed tonight! That is very inappropriate!"

"I'll let you deal with that. Look at them, though! Aren't they just the cutest?"

I slowly open my eyes. I find Caleb and Tori standing a few feet away, staring at us. Caleb looks distressed.

"What's going on?" I yawn.

"You guys sleep together?!"

"What?!" I exclaim, suddenly awake.

A body stirs from underneath me. Then a sleepy voice enters the conversation.

"Is everything alright?"

"Oh, good! Now you can answer the question too!" Caleb directs at him.

"What's the question?"

"You two sleep together?!"

I feel my cheeks turn red. I look at Tobias and see his cheeks have turned pink too. I raise up. We both stutter over our words until I can finally make a full sentence out.

"No, Caleb! We have never slept together!"

"Oh really? Tori says differently."

I stare incredulously at Tori. "You think we've slept together?!"

"Of course you do! All the time!"

"What?!" Tobias and I both yell. I scramble to get off of him, cheeks burning.

"We haven't slept together!" Tobias states.

"We have never done anything like that!" I frantically say, standing up to face them. Tobias stays sitting on the couch.

"Oh yeah?"

"Yes! You know that I don't want...that! I told you that I was...that I was scared!"

"Wait- what?" Caleb and Tori both ask confused.

"Wait…." I trail. "What are you guys talking about?"

"What are you talking about?" Caleb asks incredulously.

We stare in silence at each other for a little while. Then Tori starts to laugh.

"What?!" Tobias, Caleb, and I all yell.

"Four, Tris, we aren't insinuating that you had sex."

I let out a breath of relief, cheeks still burning, and flop back down onto the couch beside Tobias.

"Then what were you guys talking about?" I ask.

"The fact that you sleep in the same bed as each other," Caleb says, laughing as well.

"I don't see why this is so funny," I state, glaring at the two of them.

"The way you two reacted was quite entertaining," Caleb says. "Hey, at least now we know that that talk is out of the way."

I roll my eyes and hide my face in Tobias's shoulder while they laugh.

"But you two sleep in the same bed?"

"When we can, yes," I mumble.

"I know I probably don't have any right in asking you to do this, but I don't want you two doing that tonight."

"You're right! You have no right to ask that of us!" I snap at Caleb.

"Tris, it's okay," Tobias says.

I look at him, bewildered. "No, it's not! He can't just waltz in here and ask us to stop the first thing he finds uncomfortable!"

"Beatrice, listen, don't you think that's a little too...intimate?"

"Not if it's purpose is to help me sleep!" I snap.

"Tris, really, it'll be okay. You'll be okay. It's not like I'm leaving. I'll still be here."

"But that's not fair! You can't do that!" I yell at Caleb, tears starting to fill my eyes. I dread what the nightmares will be tonight.

"Beatrice, please just go with it."

"Aren't you going to say something?!" I yell at Tori.

She looks apologetic. "I can't force your brother to change his mind, Bea."

A tear spills over. I glare at Caleb. "Did you not hear me earlier when I said you can't disappear for two years then come back and act like you know exactly what's best for me? That it doesn't work like that?!"

Caleb drops his gaze to the floor and stays quiet.

I shake my head. "Unbelievable."

I stay there for a moment, staring and hoping he'll change his mind, then, when I know he won't, stand and hurry up the stairs behind us, barely able to get to my room before the dam breaks again. I reach my destination and slam the door behind me, making a clear statement to stay away. I crawl onto my bed and hug a pillow while I cry over the nightmares I know I'll have tonight. Without Tobias here to chase them away, I know they will be way worse than usual.

A few minutes later, I hear knocking on my door.

"Go away," I say, my voice cracking.

"It's me." Tobias's voice leaks in through the door. There's a moment's pause. "Can I come in?"

I sigh and sit up, wiping the tears off my cheeks. "Is anybody else with you?"

"No, it's just me."

"You can come in."

The door creaks open and he walks in, shutting the door much more quietly than I had earlier. He walks over and sits beside me. We sit in silence for a bit.

"You're going to be alright. You can do this."

"That's not the point!" I snap again. "The point is he's been gone for two years, and during part of those years you've been there for me! He can't just come back and resume life as if nothing has changed since he's been away, because everything has changed! I've changed, Tori has changed, our whole lives have changed! He doesn't understand! I don't think he will ever understand! That's the point!"

He wraps his arm around me as I start to cry again. He waits a bit before speaking up.

"I know that it seems extremely unfair to you, and I do see your point, but you have to put yourself in his shoes. Imagine if you were him, and you just came home for the first time in two years. You see your little sister with her boyfriend, and you immediately want to protect her, right? You know that the last time she had a boyfriend, bad things happened that she has never really gotten over. And then to top it all off, you figure out that they sleep in the same bed at night. It's a little overwhelming, isn't it?"

I sigh. "I guess so…."

"Listen, I know this isn't what you want to hear right now, but someone needs to say it: He really is just trying to protect you. He wants to make up for the years he's been gone. It's only natural for him to ask us to do something like this. He loves you, and I know he isn't meaning to hurt you. He just wants to be the brother you haven't had for a long time. Do you understand that?"

I slowly nod. I sniffle and raise my hands to wipe off my cheeks. Tobias reaches over and turns me so I'm facing him. He gently wipes off the tears that I missed. His eyes flicker to mine.

"It's going to be okay. You're going to be okay. And if you need me, I'll still be here. I'll just be in another room. Okay?"

I nod and sniffle again. "Okay," I whisper.

He smiles at me. "See? I told you you could do it."

I don't answer. I instead lay my head on his shoulder in front of me. His arms come around my back and hold me gently to him.

After several minutes of peace, knocking is heard again.

"Who is it?" I quietly ask.

"It's Caleb."

I sigh and turn my head into Tobias's neck that way I don't have to make eye contact with my brother.

"Come in."

The door creaks open and shuts a moment later. I feel the bed dip with the extra weight of another body. It's silent for a little bit.

"I'll leave you two alone," Tobias says and carefully gets up off of the bed. He leans in and kisses my cheek, then walks out of the room and closes the door behind him. I slowly turn myself to face Caleb.

"I'm sorry Bea, I just...it's hard for me to see you that close to someone. I feel like I've missed out on so much, and I want to be the protective older brother in this situation, even if I know it's not exactly fair of me to do so," he says after a few minutes of pure silence.

"No, I-I understand. I really do. I promise I understand," I quietly say.

"And I promise I understand that you love him. I know I'm probably not being fair, and I know that Four wouldn't pressure you into doing something you don't want to do. I see that now. I know I can trust him and that he's a good guy."

"So does that mean you approve of him?" I nervously ask.

He smiles. "Yes, I approve."

I sigh in relief and throw my arms around him. "Thank you. Thank you, thank you, thank you."

He squeezes me back. "He's good for you. Well, for the new you. And I know he will treat you well. I know that he really loves you, especially after seeing that video. He cares very deeply about you, and I know that this isn't just some fling. And if this doesn't work out, at least I know he's given you what you need to love again."

I shake my head. "It was never 'just some fling'," I say, ignoring the last part of his spiel. I can't think about that; it's too painful.

"And I see that now. I'm sorry for not seeing it sooner."

I pull back and release him from my arms. "I don't care. You see he's good now, that's all that matters."

He kisses my forehead. "So what happened to him earlier when I...you know...almost punched him?"

I sigh. "Remember when I told you he had a rough past too?"

He nods. "Yes, I remember."

"When you advanced towards him like that, it brought him into that world. It haunts him everyday, but he refuses to admit it almost one-hundred percent of the time."

He sighs. "I suppose it's too much to ask you what his past was?"

I smile sadly at him. "That's not my story to tell, Cal. All you need to know is that it was just as bad, if not worse, than mine."

He sighs again. "That's kind of what I thought you were going to say."

"I love you, Caleb."

"I love you too, Bea."

He hugs me again and I breathe in his scent. I smile and close my eyes. "I've missed you."

"I've missed you too."

We hold each other for a while, then let go. Caleb turns his head towards the piano.

"Can you play a song for me?"

I blush. "Caleb, I told you I don't play anymore."

"Sure you do."

I shake my head. "I haven't touched that thing in two years."

"You may not have touched it, but I know you've still got it in you. You have a gift, Bea. Don't let it go to waste. You know Mom wouldn't want you to give it up."

I sigh. "I know, but I-"

"No buts."

I stare at Caleb, gritting my teeth together, debating whether or not to play.

"Please?" he pleads with me.

"Why do you want me to play so bad?" I ask.

"Because piano is a part of you. I don't want you to give it up. I know you've changed, and I know you've given up a lot of things, but please don't give up piano. It's a beautiful part of you."

I sigh. "Even if I did play, I haven't touched the keys in two years. I'd be really rusty." I know that's a lie as soon as it comes out of my mouth. Caleb is right; I have a gift for the piano, and even though I haven't touched it in over two years, I know exactly how my fingers need to move.

"I call bull on that one." I roll my eyes. "C'mon, please! If you don't want to play for me, play for Mom. She would love to hear you play again."

I exhale after a few moments of silence. "You just had to pull the guilt trip card, didn't you?"

"It depends...did it work?"

I stand up. "Sadly, yes."

"Yes!" Caleb shouts.

"Shh!" I hush him. "I'm playing for you, and only you! If you catch anyone else's attention and bring them upstairs, I won't play! Got it?"

He rolls his eyes. "They're going to hear you anyways."

"Maybe so, but I don't like people watching me while I play."

"Fine. I'll be quiet. Can I pick the song you play?"

"No."

"Please?"

"No."

"Pretty please?"

"No."

"Pretty please with a cherry on top?"

"No."

"Sprinkles?"

I sigh and stare at his puppy dog eyes. "Fine!" I give in, annoyed.

His eyes light up and he scurries to the piano bench, lifting the seat up to display the music inside. He digs inside for a little while before pulling a book out. He smiles as he flips to a page, dusting it off.

"Found it."

"What is it?" I ask and walk over to him.

"River Flows in You."

I feel tears sting my eyes and I shakily say, "You just had to pick the most sentimental one in there, didn't you?"

"If you're going to play for her, you're going to play something worth her time."

I carefully take the book from him and stare at the music notes in front of me. "This was Mom's favorite song."

He smiles sadly at me and I see tears glisten in his eyes as well. It never occurred to me that he's had just as rough of a time with our parents' death as I did. Now I see that it was silly to think it was easier for him, especially since he had more years with them than I did.

"I know."

After a few minutes of silence and remembrance, I place the sheet music on the piano and sit on the black wooden bench. It makes a familiar creak as I do so, and I find myself smiling at it. I lay my fingers on top of the right keys and wait. I'm not sure what I'm waiting for, but then I hear my mother's voice in my head.

Keep your eyes on the music, Beatrice. Your fingers will do the rest.

I squeeze my eyes shut to force the tears back, and when I open them again, I'm ready. I feel Caleb's hand land on my shoulder, and I start to play.

I was right; even after two years of piano silence, I know exactly what I'm doing. I don't miss a single note.

I lose myself in the music and play with emotion I never thought I would be able to release. I barely notice my room door open or more people filing in to watch me. I'm only focusing on the way my fingers swiftly move from key to key, the way my foot raises up and down on the petals below, the way my eyes read the music as if I were reading a children's book.

And it feels amazing.

Then all too soon the song ends. My fingers stop moving, my foot stops lifting, and my eyes stop reading. I stare at the bold double bars that cut me off and wonder why I ever gave this up. I forgot how...how...freeing this felt.

I hear a couple people clapping and another start to cry. I slowly look up from the music to see that it's Caleb and Tobias clapping and Tori crying. Tori rushes over and scoops me up into her arms.

"It's been too long since I've heard you play," she cries. She releases me a moment later and cries even harder. "I'm sorry. I'll-I'll-I'll-" She shakes her head and smiles at me instead, walking out of the room a moment later.

"You mentioned you used to play, but I think you forgot to mention how good you were," Tobias says somewhat proudly.

I blush. Caleb laughs.

"Of course she did." He gives me a look. "I see that some parts of you never changed. Still as humble as I remember you being."

"I'm not that good," I truthfully say. "I just read the music."

Tobias chuckles and shakes his head. "Yes, but not everyone can just 'read the music'," he says.

I roll my eyes. "It's not that hard, trust me."

"It's not hard because you have a gift, Beatrice. For someone else, it would be incredibly hard," Caleb adds.

"Anyone could do it with practice."

"No, not everyone can. Even with years of practice. You were born with a gift. Don't overlook that."

I shake my head and stand up. "Whatever."

"We're obviously never going to get through to her," Tobias says.

"Yeah, she can be a bit stubborn at times."

"You're telling me."

"I forgot that you're her boyfriend; of course you would know that. You're around her quite a bit. I'm sure she gives you trouble."

"You have no idea."

"Hello? Guys? I'm right here!" I say, waving my hands.

They both ignore me, smirks appearing on their faces.

"Did you hear something?" Caleb asks.

"What? No, I didn't hear anything," Tobias says, playing along.

"That's weird...I could've sworn I heard something. Oh well, maybe it's just my brain playing tricks on me. Anyways, tell me about one of her stubborn moments; I'd like to know I'm not the only one who had to face that."

"Guys!" I exclaim, frustrated.

"Well...I guess I could start with the first day I met her."

"That soon?"

"That soon."

"Tell me more."

"So, we have this chasm underneath our school. Tris ran off one day and found the tunnel that led to it. The whole gang and I, plus Tori, searched for her. I finally found her at the chasm, but when she saw me, she got up and started to run off again."

"Four!" I hiss, cheeks turning pink.

"Of course she did," Caleb says.

"Oh, that's not all. While she was running, she cut her leg on a rock pretty badly. She was bleeding quite a bit, but she was still running away. I told her to stop several times, but she didn't until she collapsed."

Caleb rolls his eyes. "That sounds like Beatrice."

"And even after I caught up to her, she refused to let me bandage her leg up for awhile. I eventually convinced her to let me."

"Four, shut up!" I bark, cheeks fully red.

"Wait- did you hear that? I heard something again!" Caleb says, faking distress.

"I heard it too!"

I send a death glare both of their ways. Then Caleb starts to laugh. He meets my eyes.

"You know I love messing with you," he says and wraps his arms around me tightly. I, however, will have none of it. I push against him to try and break the barrier of arms behind me, but he only squeezes tighter. I push even harder, and suddenly the pressure leaves and I'm falling backwards. I hit the floor with a thud and glare at the now hysterically laughing Caleb.

Tobias is struggling to contain his laughter, and I can see it in his eyes when he holds his hand out to me. I swat it away and get up myself, glaring at him. This is when he finally can't hold it in any longer. He starts to laugh too.

I cross my arms and glare at the both of them while they laugh it out. Tobias stops first and smiles at me. I continue to glare even as they stop.

"You're so cute when you're mad," he says and wraps his arms around my waist. I keep my arms crossed, forcing some space to be between us. He kisses my forehead, still smiling.

"You know I love you," he softly says, brushing our noses. I roll my eyes but start to soften up. He must be able to tell, as he takes this chance to kiss me. When he pulls back, I roll my eyes again and shake my head, smiling. I let my arms uncross and fall to my sides.

"Yeah, yeah," I say dismissively.

"I love you too, sis?" Caleb questioningly says.

I turn around and glare at him again. "I will get you back for that."

He gulps and looks to Tobias. "Tell me how you managed to get out of this."

"Oh, don't worry. I'll get him back too for telling you that story, but your payback is going to be worse."

"Aw, c'mon," Tobias says from behind me.

I turn around again and poke his chest. "You would've gotten out of it had you not pretended I was invisible for so long."

He sighs. "Damn."

I smile devilishly, already knowing what I'm going to do for both of them.

"Oh God," Caleb says.

"What?" Tobias asks.

"She already knows what she's going to do."

"How do you know?"

"I've lived with her for 15 years. I know that face."

I smirk. "I'd watch your backs if I were you."

I walk out of my room, successfully leaving them worried.

"Tori!" I yell.

"I'm in the kitchen!"

I walk in there to find her cooking supper. I look at the clock and see it's already 7:30.

"What do you need, Bea?"

I smirk. "I need your help with something."

---

"I've missed home cooked meals so much," Caleb says as he washes the dishes.

"And we've missed you," Tori replies.

Caleb hands me another dish to dry as Tobias cleans the table and counters.

"Well, I think I'm going to go take a shower," Tobias says.

I smirk but let my hair fall around my face to hide it.

"Okay," I say. "Let us know if you need anything."

He kisses my cheek. "I will."

He walks upstairs and I look at Tori. She's smiling mischievously, perfectly describing how I'm feeling right now. The shower water starts to run and Tori waits a minute before doing her part.

"Hey Tris, could you go get me that new candle out of my room? I'd like to light it down here."

"Sure," I say and put away the dish I was drying.

I hurry upstairs and walk into my room as quietly as possible. I take a bobby pin from my dresser and squat in front of the bathroom door, picking the lock. It clicks open a minute later and I very stealthily slip inside. I silently grab his bag with his clothes and all the towels in the bathroom, leaving one single hot pink Barbie towel.

I lock the door behind me and run into Tori's room with all of the supplies. I stuff it under her bed and make sure to put other items around the pile that way Tobias can't find it. I snicker and lock every door with towels in it that way the only towel or clothes he could possibly use is the Barbie one.

I grab the candle Tori was talking about and head downstairs.

"Sorry it took so long; I couldn't find it."

"No problem!" she says. She looks at me as if to say 'Did you do it?'.

I nod and smirk. She smiles and lights the candle.

"Okay, I'm done with the dishes," Caleb says, drying his hands off. "I'm going to go into the living room."

"Okay," Tori and I both say at the same time.

I then hear scrambling upstairs along with curses being shouted. I manage to hold in my laughter for now.

"TRIS, WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES?!" Tobias yells from my room.

"Why would I know? Didn't you take them in there with you?" I play, still holding it in. I look over at Tori and see she's barely managing.

Caleb walks in, eyebrow raised. "What did you do?"

I smirk. "I don't know what you're talking about. I didn't do anything."

"TRIS!"

"I told you, I don't know!" I yell.

Footsteps start to come down the stairs and I anxiously wait for his appearance. Then I'm rewarded; Tobias stands there dripping wet, a hot pink Barbie towel wrapped around his waist.

I can't hold it in anymore.

I start to laugh so hard I can barely breathe. I try to stop a few minutes later, but one more look at him and I laugh even harder. Tori and Caleb are right along with me, red faced and hunch backed.

It feels good to laugh. It feels good to feel something other than the emotions I've been locking up.

"Tris!" Tobias yells again, very red and embarrassed.

"I'll-I'll get them," I laugh and walk slowly over to him. I meet his eyes and bust out laughing again.

"Why, and how?" he asks once I'm close enough.

"I told you to watch your back," I laugh as I start to climb up the stairs. I unlock the doors that have towels as we walk by them and finally get to Tori's room. I dig his bag out from underneath her bed and smirk as I hand it to him. His facial expression is placid. I start to giggle as I look at the pink towel. I avoid staring at his chest.

"Pink is definitely your color," I tease.

"Then it's quite unfortunate that this is your last time seeing me in it."

"I wouldn't count on that," I say.

He rolls his eyes and walks off. I laugh as I walk back downstairs to Caleb and Tori. Caleb is still hysterical while Tori is finally starting to calm down. I smack Caleb in the back of the head, sobering him up pretty quickly.

"Hey! What was that for?!"

"You can stop laughing now."

"Oh, so now I can't laugh?" he asks sarcastically, rubbing the spot where I hit him.

"He's my boyfriend; I may have done that to get a good laugh out of it, but I'm the only one who can laugh for a long period of time and continuously tease him about it. Got it?"

"So it's socially illegal to laugh at someone else's humiliation?"

"It was okay to laugh for a little bit, but I wouldn't laugh too hard. Your payback will be much, much worse. And I suggest you stop arguing before I kick it up another notch."

At this, he stops talking and gulps. He nervously shifts in his place and says, "Well...I'm uh...just going to go back in there and watch...uh...TV…."

He scurries to the living room and I laugh. Tori laughs and walks in after him. I finish drying and putting away the dishes, then shriek as I feel myself being lifted up into the air. I'm thrown over someone's shoulder and spun around several times. I pound on the back I know is Tobias's and can't help but giggle.

"Put me down!"

"I don't think I will."

"Jerk!"

"Says the girl who embarrassed me in front of her entire family."

"Says the boy who tag teamed with his girlfriend's brother to pretend she was invisible only minutes after meeting him."

"Touché," he replies.

"Try me."

"I think I already did."

He grabs my hips and lowers me onto the ground. He presses his lips to mine in a quick, chaste kiss. I smile as he pulls back. I interlock my fingers behind his neck.

"So, how was Barbie?"

"Pink, thin, and incredibly uncomfortable."

I giggle and peck his lips. "Next time don't team up with my brother against me."

"Note taken."

"So...would you be willing to help me on Caleb's payback?"

"Anything for you."

I blush, feeling giddy inside. "Alright, so we strike tomorrow morning. Here's the plan…"

---

I yawn. It's 11:00 pm. We all sit in the living room watching a movie. I'm not sure which one, as I haven't really been paying attention; I've mostly just been trying not to fall asleep.

"It's time for you to go to bed," Tobias whispers in my ear.

I shake my head softly. "I'm fine."

"No, you're not. Do you think I haven't noticed how often you've been yawning?"

I sigh. "Okay, fine." I lay my head on his shoulder and let out another yawn. "I admit it; I'm a teensy, teensy, weensy bit tired."

He chuckles and kisses my hair. "Whatever you say."

My eyes keep closing, but I snap them back open. Eventually, arms slide under my knees and bring me into a solid, but still soft, chest. I feel myself swaying and a kiss is planted on my forehead. The next thing I know, I'm laying on a mattress with warm blankets pulled over me.

"Goodnight, Tris. I love you."

A door closes shut. I lay there for a while, then my heart starts to beat faster, waking me up. I open my eyes to darkness and turn on the lamp beside me. I stare at the ceiling. Later, I hear footsteps in the hallway outside. I hear voices saying goodnight and doors shutting. I hear shower water running then stopping as they finish. I hear faint snores coming from Caleb's room across from me. I'm not sure how long I've been laying here, staring upwards, but I know I'm not falling asleep anytime soon. Not without the warmth I crave to lay beside me, the arms I crave to hold me, the heartbeat I crave to hear.

I look at the clock and see it's 12:30. I sigh and turn my head back to the ceiling. I stare for 30 more minutes before I give up.

I stand up and grab my phone from the dresser. I text Tobias.

Please come here.

Footsteps are heard walking upstairs. The door slowly creaks open a minute later. He walks in and frowns when he sees me.

"You're not even in bed," he points out.

"What's the point?" I ask.

He sighs. "You need to get some rest."

"Like I'd be able to."

He steps closer to me and brushes my hair out of my face. "You at least need to try."

I look down and shake my head, but his hand stops me from moving anymore. He tilts my chin up and his eyes pierce mine.

"I can't sleep," I whisper.

His strict demeanor fades away.

"Tris...you have to."

I say nothing and look back down at my feet again.

He sighs and his arms gently push me back into my bed. I finally look up at him.

"I can't sleep," I say again.

"You have to, Tris."

"I can't."

His arms continue to push me until I'm laying down. He pulls the covers over me and kisses my forehead.

"Goodnight, Tris."

He starts walking back towards my door. I sit up quickly, letting the covers fall off of me again.

"Wait!" I desperately and quietly yell.

He freezes, but his back stays turned to me. He says nothing, so I take it as a signal to keep going.

"Please stay," I whisper.

His posture falls and I can tell he's torn between staying and leaving. He turns around a minute later.

"Tris...you know I can't."

I immediately get angry. "Yes, you can!"

"Your brother would have my head if he saw I stayed with you in the morning."

"Who cares about what Caleb thinks?!"

"I do, Tris! I do! He's your older brother! He's basically the father that boyfriends have to meet to pass the 'worthy enough for my daughter' test! So I care!"

"But he's not my father! He never will be! My father is dead! And I know he'd approve of you anyways, so why do you care what Caleb thinks?!"

He pauses, quiet for a moment. He stares me down, not coldly, but not exactly the warmest either.

"He's all you have left of your family. And even if the situation is not exactly the norm for most people, it's still something; it's something that's important to me. I want to make a good impression on your brother. I want him to approve of me. I want him to be happy with the guy you're dating."

My heart breaks at the sincereness in his words. It's then when I remember that he doesn't have anybody left in his family. Well, at least, no one who cares. Of course this would mean a lot to him. He wants to have the approval of at least one male figure who matters to him in his life.

Sometimes it's hard for me to remember that he's still just a boy; he acts many years older than he really is, and with the almost impenetrable wall of emotions around him, it's even harder to remember.

"You're already on his good side, Tobias," I whisper just loud enough for him to hear. "You saved me from Eric. He knows you're serious about us and that you're not just looking for you know what. He knows you truly care about me and that you'd never hurt me on purpose. He knows you love me. He approves of you; he told me he did."

His eyes soften even more and I can tell I'm getting through to him. I decide to try one more time.

"At least help me go to sleep. And if you don't want to stay any longer after that, fine. But please...stay with me."

By this point, he's teetering on the edge. I almost have gotten through to him. Almost.

"Please, Tobias. Please stay." The fear of him still saying no and leaving me to face the nightmares alone brings tears to my eyes. "Please don't go," I whisper.

It's quiet as he thinks it over. It's quiet for so long that I get even more scared that I was wrong; maybe he will say no. After all, he was strictly told not to stay with me earlier. A tear escapes my eye as I wait.

He finally sighs. I let out a small, quiet cry as I realize he's going to leave. He's going to say no.

He quickly walks over as my cries get stronger. He surprises me by lifting me up from the bed and transferring me into his arms. He sits down on the opposite side of where I was and grips me even tighter in his arms as he gets comfortable.

"Okay," he whispers as he buries his face into my neck. I'm able to calm myself down fairly quickly because of his arms and intoxicating scent, both of which make me feel the safest I have ever been.

"You'll stay?" I whisper, just to make sure what I heard was right.

"I'll stay," he says and brings his head back up. "But," he continues, "if your brother freaks out-"

"Then he'll answer to me, and I'll take the blame," I finish.

He smiles and kisses my forehead. "Let's get some sleep, okay?"

I nod. He moves me out of his arms and under the covers beside him. Not wanting to lose any closeness with him, I immediately scooch over and lay my head on his chest. I tuck one hand slightly underneath him and lay the other next to my head. His arms come around me and hold me against him. I exhale and close my eyes, feeling his heartbeat against the palm of my hand.

"You would never leave me, right?" I ask, searching for reassurance from Caleb's statement earlier.

"Of course I wouldn't," he says.

"But what if you wanted to be with someone else?"

"Not possible."

"What if you don't love me anymore later? What if you meet another girl and love her instead?"

"Tris, stop," he sternly says. "Love doesn't just go away. When love comes, it's there forever. I don't want anyone other than you, and I never will. I'm miserable without you. I'm never going to leave you," he finishes.

I'm comforted a bit by his words. There will always be that worry in the back of my mind, but at least for now I can set it aside. I suddenly become curious of something else and open my mouth before I can think about how the words sound.

"What if I wanted to leave you? What if I wanted to be with someone else?" His arms stiffen around me. I quickly speak again. "Not that I ever would. I'm just curious."

He relaxes, but not all the way. He stays quiet for a long time. I'm not sure if he's ignoring my question or if he's contemplating how to answer it.

"I'm sorry, I shouldn't have asked that. It's not important-"

"No. You asked me a question, and I'll answer it. You just...caught me by surprise, that's all," he interrupts.

"If this bothers you, you don't have to answer. I'm not even sure why I asked in the first pla-"

"Tris, stop. I'm going to answer. Just give me a little bit to think this through, okay?"

And I do, reluctantly of course. A few minutes of silence pass and I start to worry that maybe I've upset him again.

"Tobias, I'm not leaving you, I promise. I only want you. I don't want, and will never want, anyone else. This was a dumb question anyw-"

"I'd let you."

I stop speaking for a moment and try to find my voice again. "What?"

"I'd let you. I'd let you leave."

I'm stunned into silence for a minute. "But-but you just said…"

"I know what I said. And I meant it. I will never leave you. I love you more than anything. But…if you wanted to leave me to go be with someone else, I'd let you."

I'm confused beyond belief. "But….why?"

He shifts his arms to rest one on my hip and the other on my upper back. "Because I love you."

This is only confusing me more. "You're not making any sense…" I tell him.

He sighs. "I hate thinking that you might someday realize that I'm not the one you want, and you'll meet someone else and want them more than you have ever wanted me."

I lift my head up slightly to meet his eyes. "But I won't, Tob-"

"Just let me finish, okay Tris?"

His eyes plead with me to do what he asks. I reluctantly nod and lay my head back down.

"If that day were to ever come, and you told me that you were leaving me to go be with someone else, I'd let you."

I pause. "Just like that? You'd let me walk out just like that? Without a fight? Without trying to make me stay?"

"Of course I'd put up a fight. I would beg you to stay. I'd beg you to let me have another chance. But there's something that would make me stop."

"What would it be?" I whisper, tears in my eyes.

"Your eyes."

"My eyes?"

"Your eyes."

"Why my eyes?" I ask after a pause.

"If I could look into them and see that you were truly happier with the other man, I'd stop. If I saw that you felt really guilty by my begging because you felt pressured into staying with me when that's not where you actually wanted to be, I'd stop."

"But...why?"

"Because I love you."

"You already said that, but it still doesn't make any sense, Tobias. If you love me that much...why would you let me go?"

"Because all I want is for you to be happy. I want you to have everything you could possibly dream of. I want you to live the happiest life you can, and if I'm not the one who can do that for you, then I would want you to be with someone who can."

A tear drops onto his shirt. "So you wouldn't be sad if I left?"

"Oh God no, Tris. It would hurt like absolute hell seeing you with someone else."

"Then...how would you cope? I wouldn't want you to get hurt."

"I'd search for you. And when I finally found you, I'd look at you from a distance and search for your happiness. And once I found it, I'd be okay. As long as I knew you were happy, I'd be fine. I'd hurt for forever if it meant you were living the best life you possibly could-even if I'm not in it."

More tears drop down. "But why would you put yourself through that?"

"Because I love you," he answers once again.

I start to cry harder as my emotions take over. A few minutes pass, and once again, I speak without thinking.

"I love you too."

My crying stops for a moment as I stun both of us into silence. As the silence stretches on, I wonder if I just screwed things up between us, and the tears start flowing again.

"What did you just say?" he quietly asks, moving his arm to lift my eyes up.

I swallow hard as I try to get the words out again.

"You love him; you really do. But you don't want to admit it. Not to him, not to me, not to yourself, not to anyone. Because once that happens, anything could happen, and you're out of the safe zone forever."

Tori's voice keeps flowing through my head.

"You hate feeling vulnerable, and you know as soon as you admit to these feelings you've let all of your walls down. You know that he'll be able to do anything once those feelings are out there. You know he could rip your heart out and stomp all over it if he wanted to."

I force myself to push the memory aside and say the words again.

"I said, I love you too," I repeat softly with as much confidence as I can muster up.

He looks shocked. "Are-are you sure? You're not just saying that because you feel obligated to?"

I shake my head. "I'm sure." A smile creeps up on my face and I let out a small laugh as I realize I overcame one of my deepest fears. "I love you, Tobias James Eaton."

His eyes light up and before I can register any other emotions, his arms crush me into an embrace. He sits up without moving me an inch. I wrap mine around his neck and cling to him as well. I run my fingers through the hair at the nape of his neck and laugh again.

"I love you," I say with much more confidence.

Although I didn't think it was possible, his arms tighten and pull me even closer to him.

"I love you too, Beatrice Edith Prior. I love you so much."

We cling to each other until it gets hard for us to keep holding on with the strength we've applied. I'm the first to pull back, and as soon as I do, his lips fall onto mine. I let my eyes flutter shut and his lips take over. I reach up and cup his face with my hands, looking for something to ground me as his lips continue to kiss me and make me dizzy.

I let my hands travel down to his chest and feel his muscles through his shirt. I run my fingers down until I find the hem of it. I pause.

Would this even help me? Would it help me feel something more than small moments of happiness? And even if it did...would it be worth it knowing that I used him for my own selfish needs?

My fingers slip curiously underneath and I spread them across his back. I slowly slide them around to his front and trace the lines of his abs. The kiss gets even more intense as I feel him tremble with my touch. A burst of pride goes through me; I'm the one who is doing this to him. I'm the one making him tremor.

Stop, Tris. You're using him.

I start to trace his scars and pull myself closer to him. Something like a groan escapes his mouth. I start to feel guilt creep up on me.

This isn't right.

I tug on his shirt, signaling that I want it off. The kiss stops immediately, and I start to pull his shirt up. It's only when I have it up to his arms that I realize he isn't cooperating.

"Are...are you sure Tris? We don't have to go any farther than what we're doing...I don't want to do something you'll regret later," he says with obvious concern.

Of course I'm not sure. I have no idea why I'm doing this. I will regret this later, I will, but I'm too addicted to the new emotions I'm receiving to stop.

I give him a slow kiss. "I'm sure. I won't regret it, and we won't go any farther than this. But I want this damn thing off, and I want it off now," I say with intensity. I try my best to hide the desire to cringe at the lies I just spilled.

He stares at me for a little bit, looking into my eyes and flicking them back and forth. Just as I get impatient enough to say something else, he lifts his arms up and I can finally finish taking his shirt off. I toss it to the floor next to the bed. His body heat suddenly floods through me and it ignites something in the pit of my stomach that has never been there before.

You're being selfish! Stop before it gets out of hand!

I pull his lips back to mine, ignoring the voice in my head, as I get used to the extra heat and half-naked man in front of me. I push my fear aside. This is Tobias; I want to kiss him, and only kiss him...right?

No, you don't! You just want to chase the demons away for a little while longer!

I desperately try to get the intensity of the kiss back to where it was before, but I can tell Tobias is holding back...a lot. I need the emotion; I need something to help ground me to this world.

I pull back, breathing heavily. I look into his eyes and whimper at the insane amount of heat and intensity that hits me again when his eyes pierce mine. I'm disgusted with myself, but I can't stop.

"Tobias...kiss me," I beg, feeling guiltier by the moment.

He stares at me for a while again, but he must find what he's looking for because his lips smash into mine a moment later. I make a small noise again, but this time because of the remorse I feel, and clutch at his bare skin to help me hold on.

Coward!

It happens very slowly, but I feel us starting to tip backwards. We continue to tip until we lay flat on the bed with Tobias slightly over the top of me. I feel a wave of fear hit me, and I'm so terrified about losing the other emotions that I take it a step further.

I yank him down closer and he shifts into a more...intimate position. I feel myself blush rather intensely, but doubt that it's noticeable against the rest of my flushed skin.

You are such a coward!

I slowly move my fingers from his neck to his shoulders, from his shoulders to his back. I trace his scars again, noticing how much freer my movements are without the fabric holding me back. When I've traced every one I can remember, I have to pull back from his mouth for air. I pant heavily, trying to get my air back.

Stop it now, Beatrice. You can't do this; it's wrong. Completely and utterly wrong.

Instead of doing the same, Tobias moves his lips under my mouth. His lips pepper slow kisses all down my jaw, my neck, my shoulders, my collarbone, my upper chest. I can't help but let out a loud whimper when he reaches a pressure point on my neck.

This is what I'm talking about; you're letting him think this is okay. You're using him, and he thinks this is genuine. You disgust me.

He gives the spot on my neck a bit more attention, then moves back up again. He locks his lips to mine again, and it slowly starts to calm down.

Eventually, he pulls back, placing his forehead on mine.

"God, I love you. I don't know what I'd do without you," he whispers.

I feel sick. Everything that I felt earlier has been washed away just as quickly as it came and waves of guilt crash into me, each one stronger than the last.

"I love you too. I'm sorry it took me so long to realize that," I apologize, wanting to take everything I did back. I finally confessed that I loved him, then I used him. What kind of girlfriend does that? Actually, what decent human being loves someone and then uses that person to make themselves feel better for their own selfish needs?

"No, don't say you're sorry. There's no need for that."

I manage a weak smile, still trying to keep my guilt a secret, and pull away, looking into his eyes. I kiss his cheek and run my fingers through his hair, silently apologizing for what I just did. He sneaks his arms around me as we both work on getting air back into our lungs. Once we do, he kisses my forehead and rolls us over so that my head is on his chest. I feel like crying. Then again, when don't I feel like crying nowadays?

"Get some sleep," he says.

I push all feelings and thoughts aside, and I finally do.

---

I wake up with a scream. I feel tears running down my face too heavily to stop them.

This time, instead of Eric coming back for me, he came back and killed everyone I care about one by one. I couldn't move, and I had to watch all of them plead with me to do something, then hate me for not saving them as they died.

I move my hands to the other side of the bed where Tobias should be, but I find it's empty. I open my eyes and look at the clock. 4:45am.

I stand up and wrap my blanket around me. I walk out of my room and downstairs. I find him in the recliner, sleeping. I hesitate for a minute. Should I really bother him after what I did earlier? I shake my head and decide to wake him up anyways.

"Tobias," I whisper and shake him a bit.

He groggily starts to wake. "Tris?"

"Can I stay here with you?"

He frowns. "Nightmare?"

I feel another tear run down my cheek and nod. He sighs and holds his arms out.

"Come here."

I've come to this conclusion before, but now the fact hits me harder than ever. He's way too good for me.

I crawl up and lay next to him anyways. I bravely slip my hand under the shirt that he put back on and lay it on his chest. I feel him quiver a bit at my gentle touch, but don't say anything about it. I doubt he has control over that; I know I don't. Neither of us are used to such harmless physical gestures.

Maybe if I start slow, I can convince myself that I really did want what I did earlier, and I wasn't just using him. Although, I know it's pointless; I know what I did, and it was wrong. Tears drip down into his shirt and I start to cry

"I had to watch everyone die: my family, the gang, Tori, you. And I couldn't do anything," I say to give a reason why I'm crying other than the absolute disgust I feel with myself for using him.

"Shhh...it's okay. I'm still here, see? I'm alive and well. Caleb is alive and well. Tori is alive and well. We're all okay."

I take in a shaky breath. "I just don't want to lose you," I say truthfully.

"And you won't. I promise."

I let out a deep sigh, trying not to dwell on the fact that I used him any longer. "Okay," I whisper.

His hands gently run up and down my back, soothing me. "I'm never going to leave you."

I lay my head on his chest. I take deep breaths, listening to his heartbeat.

"Are you okay?"

I nod. "Hearing your heartbeat helps me."

He kisses my head. "Okay."

I take a deep breath. "I love you."

"I love you more."

I will never get tired of hearing those words. I'm sure of that.

I close my eyes as he starts to stroke my hair. I take deep breaths. His other hand brings the blanket up to my shoulders. I smile and start to fall back asleep.

I may not deserve him, but to hell with it; I'm going to keep him around for as long as possible anyways.

---

Caleb's POV

I wake up to a scream coming from Beatrice's room. I immediately sit up and throw the covers off of me. I panic until I realize that she probably just had a nightmare. I sigh. I feel bad about keeping her and Four apart, but it's just...she's my baby sister. I'm her older brother; I'm the one who protects her from boys. Although, I guess it's not necessary to be protecting her from Four. It seems like he's protecting her too.

I walk out of my room and start to walk to Beatrice's, but her room door opens and she walks out a moment later, a blanket wrapped protectively around her. She doesn't see me and continues to walk downstairs. Curiously, I quietly follow her. I press myself against the wall and listen.

"Tobias?" I hear Beatrice whisper. I frown. Tobias?

"Tris?" a groggy voice answers. I suddenly realize that Tobias is Four's real name. Tobias. For some reason, I feel it suits him. Beatrice and Tobias. Tobias and Beatrice. Tris and Tobias. Tobias and Tris. I can't believe I'm actually saying this it, but the names actually sound good together.

I shake my head to clear my mind and focus on listening again.

"Can I stay here with you?"

"Nightmare?" She doesn't reply, but I can hear him sigh. "Come here."

I hear shuffling and know Beatrice has crawled onto the chair with him. And for some reason, knowing they're together that closely does not bother me as much as it should. Maybe because I know Four, or I guess Tobias, would never do anything to harm her in any way, shape, or form. They're good together; even I have to admit that.

She starts to cry. "I had to watch everyone die: my family, the gang, Tori, you. And I couldn't do anything."

I sigh. So this is what she has to face every night.

"Shhh...it's okay. I'm still here, see? I'm alive and well. Caleb is alive and well. Tori is alive and well. We're all okay," I hear him comfort her.

Beatrice takes a deep breath. "I just don't want to lose you," she shakily says.

"And you won't. I promise."

"Okay," she whispers after sighing.

"I'm never going to leave you."

It's a few minutes before they start talking again.

"Are you okay?" Tobias asks my little sister. I can't say I'm not wondering the same thing.

"Hearing your heartbeat helps me," she replies. I feel guilt wash over me. Of course they wouldn't be having sex if they stayed together at night. They stay together purely to help each other sleep and get through the nightmares.

I decide to tell them tomorrow that I'm fine with them staying together at night. Besides, if I don't, they'll just end up downstairs on the couch anyways.

"Okay," Tobias whispers.

"I love you," Beatrice says.

So she finally told him. Good for her. I make a mental note to ask her about it tomorrow.

"I love you more."

I smile; it's hard not to. It's quiet for several minutes after that, and I come to the conclusion that they both fell back asleep. I silently sneak back upstairs and lay on my bed, thinking. It's weird that I don't have the excessive urge to shield my sister from her boyfriend. Maybe it's because I know he can help her in a way I never will. Maybe it's because I know they're good for each other. Maybe it's because I know they really do love each other. Maybe it's all of those things combined. Whatever it is, I'm happy that Beatrice has found someone that has met all of the rules I wrote in her letter that are applicable so far, and I somehow know that Tobias is going to be sticking around for awhile.

---

Tris's POV

I wake up, still curled into Tobias. I smile as I hear his heartbeat still beating steadily underneath me. I shift and slowly open my eyes.

"Good morning, sleeping beauty."

"Good morning," I reply yawning, my cheeks already tinging pink.

"How'd you sleep?"

"Really well, actually. What about you?"

Tobias kisses my forehead. "Good."

I lift my head up and rub the sleep out of my eyes. "What time is it?"

"About 9."

I nod. "Is anyone else up?"

"Tori is. She's in the kitchen making breakfast."

"Caleb's still sleeping?"

"Yes."

I grin and work myself off of the recliner. "C'mon! Hurry! We gotta do this before he wakes up!"

Tobias laughs and gets off of the chair with me. "I'll get the bucket."

"And I'll start working on the string."

We both run into the kitchen, me grabbing the spool of thread and Tobias filling a bucket with ice and water. I smirk and silently run upstairs. I reach Caleb's door and press my ear against it. I hear snores resonating around the room. I smile and start to run the thread through the hinges of the door. I wrap it tightly around them, bring the thread up and knot it around the door knob, and draw it up to the top of the doorframe. I wait for Tobias to come upstairs with the bucket.

A minute later, he comes carrying the bucket full of ice and freezing cold water just like I asked. I grin and start to tie the string in every possible way around the bucket. I have to wrap it several times around and knot it a couple dozen times to make sure the string holds it up. Tobias lifts the bucket up and holds it there while I tighten the string enough to hold its weight.

When I'm done, I hold a thumbs up to Tobias and he carefully lets go of the bucket. It hangs perfectly in the air without a flinch. I giggle and carefully knock on the door loudly.

"Caleb, get up! Breakfast is ready! We're all waiting on you!" I yell.

Movement happens from inside the room and I hear him groggily answer, "Okay, I'm up."

"Hurry! It's getting cold!" I yell again after a few moments pause.

"I'm coming, I'm coming."

Footsteps walk towards the door and I grab Tobias's hand, yanking him far enough away from the door so he won't get splashed. The door opens and the plan works beautifully.

As he opens it, the bucket tips over backwards and Caleb has no time to react before the ice and water dump all over him. I burst out laughing at his face and start to run, Tobias in tow.

"Beatrice!" Caleb yells. I let go of Tobias's hand, taking my own path. I run outside and hide in the bushes. The front door opens and I see Caleb looking around for me. I snicker as he walks back inside. I crawl out and walk through the front door.

"I win!" I yell. Caleb glares at me as he walks back upstairs to presumably get dressed in dry attire.

"So...did you do this a lot?" Tobias asks from beside me.

I nod. "Prank wars were weekly events. I had to get very creative at times."

"Care to share?"

"Like...taking a screenshot of his computer screen and setting it as his background, then hiding the icons and toolbar so when he clicked on them, he thought it was broke."

"Did you really do that?"

"Yes. He even took it to a repair shop a day later."

He chuckles. "And you still didn't tell him?"

"Nah, it was more fun seeing him turn red once he realized what happened."

He kisses my temple. "That's my girl."

I smile and wrap my arms around his waist, pressing myself close to his body. He holds me tightly, his muscles flexing around me. I take a deep breath in of his scent. He sets his chin on top of my head and we stand there until Tori calls us for breakfast.

---

Tobias and I are currently in my room; Tori and Caleb wouldn't let us help with cleanup. They claim we deserve a break from the constant working. Although, I'm pretty sure 'working' is a code-word for 'distractions from what you should be talking about' which is another code for 'Eric's surprise attack and your fight'. Nonetheless, I'm glad to have a break for a bit.

But I soon realize that the longer I lay here with Tobias, acting as if nothing has happened between us, the more guilty I feel, for a different reason this time, and I know we need to talk.

I sigh. I stop fiddling with his fingers and say, "Tobias-"

"Tris-" he says at the same time.

We both stop our sentences short and look at each other. We both anxiously laugh.

"I guess we both know what needs to happen here," Tobias says quietly.

I nod and look away. "Christina was right."

"This has nothing to do with Christina."

I sigh. "But she was right; if we don't talk about the thing that drove us apart, we'll just fight about it again. There's no excuse to avoid it."

"Hey," he says sternly and raises my chin to meet his stare. "I just said this has nothing to do with Christina. This is our relationship. We make the decisions of when to talk about these things. Not her, not you, not me, us. Okay?"

I hold his stare for a minute before giving in and nodding. "Okay," I whisper and lay my head back down on his chest.

"Where do we start?" he whispers.

"Tori is right. Everything she told you is true."

"What?" he asks, confused.

"When you were waiting for me in the lobby...I stood behind you and heard Tori tell you pretty much everything about me."

He stays quiet. I take it as a sign to continue.

"She's right; I'm scared. I'm scared that what this is isn't real, and one day you'll rip my heart out and stomp all over it. I'm scared to be with you."

"Tris-"

"Let me finish."

He sighs but stays quiet.

"I'm scared to be with you because of how happy I am with you. I've never felt like this before, and for me to admit to that makes me feel vulnerable. So I lash out. I don't want to get too close to you and then have my heart broken later. I try to avoid the hurt my mind is convinced that will happen by doing the hurt myself first. I know it's wrong, and I know it doesn't make a lot of sense, but it's how I function. I wish I wasn't like that; I wish I was normal and my mind didn't think in a way that created barriers between me and the people I care about, but I don't think that will ever change."

A few tears drip from my cheeks and I lift my head up to face Tobias.

"I want you to know that I trust you. I trust you with my life. I need you more than I've ever thought I'd need anyone. You're the one thing in my life that keeps me grounded, that keeps me sane. I want you to know that I'm sorry for the way I've treated you in the past. I know that I've lashed out too many times to count, and I'm sorry. You don't deserve that. You deserve someone who makes you never have to question their love or dedication to you. You deserve someone so much more secure and who doesn't automatically twist words into the worst possible meaning. You deserve someone who doesn't lash out when you do nothing wrong, who doesn't lie."

"Tris...I chose you. I want you."

I sniffle and smile lightly at him. "And I'll forever keep trying to understand why that is."

He frowns and carefully wipes the tears off my cheeks. He doesn't say anything more, and I keep letting words roll off my tongue.

"I'm so sorry that I lied to you like that. You have no idea how awful I felt. It was the night I found out my brother was alive, but the only thing I could think about was you, and how badly I'd hurt you...how badly I'd hurt us. And it killed me. Having the thought that I may have lost you hurt much more than finding out that my entire family was dead. That's how important you are to me. That's why I can't lose you. That's why I'm scared."

He continues to wipe the tears off as he speaks. "I'm so, so sorry for what I said. I know that you would never cheat. I know that you genuinely felt awful about lying. I knew that you had to have had a good reason for leaving, but I was so angry and worried, and I felt so...betrayed. I let my emotions get the best of me, and I said things that weren't true. I said things that I wanted to take back as soon as they left my mouth."

"I let my emotions get the best of me too-" I start, but he cuts me off.

"Not like I did, Tris. Not like I did."

The extreme guilt in his eyes makes me frown.

"What are you not telling me?" I whisper.

He stares at me for a long time, then brushes a piece of hair back from my face.

"I heard you crying."

I frown even more. "What do you mean? When?"

"When I walked away, I hesitated and stopped for a minute. I wanted to go back and apologize, but then I heard your cries and you trying to breathe in some air in between…" He sighs. "I knew it was too late for that. The damage had been done. I didn't want to hurt you anymore by saying the wrong words, so I forced myself to walk back up to the room. But the sound of you crying like that never left me. It still hasn't."

I look down. I didn't mean to make him feel like he was only going to hurt me by talking to me. Why couldn't I just keep myself under control? Why couldn't I have held it in?

His fingers tilt my chin back up. "Please don't feel bad. You have nothing to be ashamed about."

I shake my head out of his grasp, letting my tears fall freely. "I didn't know you were there. I didn't mean to make you feel like that."

"Tris…don't do that. It made me realize that you really did care, and that I was a complete ass to you. It made me realize that I hurt you, that I had the power to do that. It made me sick knowing it was me who made you cry, and I knew right then and there that I never wanted to be the one to make you cry like that again."

I sniffle and blink several times, trying to calm the tears. It doesn't work very well.

"What happened in the bathroom?" he asks quietly.

"What do you mean?"

"When you were changing after you came up to the room, what happened?"

I snap my eyes to his, heart pounding. "I don't know what you mean."

"You know exactly what I'm asking about, Tris."

His eyes look tired, worried, and even a bit anxious.

"No, I don't."

I lie slips off my tongue like it's nothing. My stomach churns and I wince.

"Tris," he quietly says. "I know something happened."

I sigh. "Fine, I do know what you're talking about, but it was nothing."

"If it was nothing, you wouldn't be trying to hide it from me."

The words hit me like a knife to the chest, and slowly, the guilt starts to crush me again. It constricts my breathing and I sit up, trying to get a hold of myself before I completely lose all control. I close my eyes.

"I'm sorry," I whisper, taking deep gulps of air. "We just talked about how much it hurt you that I lied and I'm doing it again. I'm sorry."

Movement occurs. He sits up; his hand lands on my shoulder and gently pulls me back into his chest a moment later. His hands glide along my back, barely touching it, but somehow still comforting me. I get my breathing under control, but not my tears; they still roll down my cheeks at a steady pace.

"It's okay," he whispers. "It's okay."

I take several deep breaths and pull back to meet his eyes. I open my mouth to tell him what happened, but close it last minute. I feel my cheeks redden and I look away. I can't tell him this face-to-face. It's too embarrassing.

"I...I had an anxiety attack," I whisper with difficulty.

I hear him release a sad breath. "Do you get those frequently?"

I hesitate, then slowly shake my head. "That was my first one in a year," I quietly admit.

He sighs and turns my head to face him. "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry."

I shake my head again, faster and more insistent. "Don't be. It wasn't your fault I couldn't get my own damn emotions under control."

"Hey," he barks. "It wasn't your fault either, and I don't want to hear you say that again."

I'm about to argue, but the finality of the statement shows in his eyes, and I drop it. I carefully lay my head back down on his chest, and his fingers stroke my hair accordingly.

"I had a nightmare," I whisper before I can stop myself.

He kisses the top of my head. "Do you want to talk about it?" he asks quietly, obviously sensing my trepidation towards the topic.

"I...I don't know," I reply feeling lost.

He continues moving his fingers through my strands of long, blonde hair.

"You...you…" I struggle to get the words out, tears already forming. "You died….you died right in front of me…" I take a shuddering breath. "I-I watched you...I couldn't do anything...I...I just...watched."

He stays quiet.

"That was the first time you...died. In my nightmares, I mean. I...I realized that I loved you when I woke up, and I was so scared...I...I…" I trail off, tears dripping onto his shirt. If he minds, he doesn't show it.

"First?" he prods.

I wait a while before answering, blankly staring at the wall across from me. "It's happened two more times since...since..."

He exhales quietly. I leave that fragment of a sentence be and continue with a shaky voice.

"I thought I was too late. I...I thought I lost you, like in my dream. That's...that's why I was so scared. I realized I loved you...but...but…" I start to cry audibly, unable to finish this sentence as well.

"But you thought you would never get to tell me," Tobias finishes for me.

I nod into his chest. He sighs and wraps his arms tightly around me, his presence comforting me. We sit in silence until my tears finally stop.

"I had a nightmare too," he whispers.

I raise my head, slightly shocked. I knew he had nightmares; he's told me once before very generally. But I find it odd that he would actually admit to having a specific one. I know he tries to act strong around me, like he has no weaknesses, but I know better than that.

He apparently can tell what I'm thinking because he smiles a little bit at me. "I know...big shocker, right?"

I give him a look that sends him back on topic.

"I have nightmares a lot too. It wasn't just that one. But they're mostly all the same."

I frown. "Why do I never wake up when you have one?"

He tucks a piece of hair behind my ear. "I'm a light sleeper. I usually wake up sooner than you would after one. It gives me time to calm myself down and go back to sleep without worrying about waking you up."

"How do you not make any noise? When I wake up from nightmares, I...well, you know how I usually am. Why do you never wake me up? I want to help you too," I stare seriously.

He shakes his head, studying my face as intently as if he were looking at it for the last time. I try hard not to blush. "They're usually about losing you. Once I wake up and see you're there, I'm okay. I don't see the need to wake you up."

"You should. I wake you up all the time. This shouldn't just be a one-sided thing."

"Look at it this way: if you had the choice, would you wake me up after you had a nightmare and were able to calm yourself down? After your mind accepted that it was just a dream?"

I sigh at his trick question. "No."

"Exactly."

"But you should still wake me up; at least wake me up for the bad ones."

He smiles and kisses my forehead. "I'll tell you what: if a nightmare comes along that is particularly worse than the others, and I can't deal, I'll wake you up."

I roll my eyes and sigh, knowing it's most likely never going to happen, but know that it's the farthest I'll get with him on this for now. "Okay," I say in agreement.

I lay back down. I trace random patterns on his chest for a while. I listen to his heartbeat and a wave of calm rushes over me.

"Hey," he says quietly.

"What?" I ask softly.

"I love you."

I smile and tilt my head up, giving him a kiss.

"I love you too."

And that's the end of this chapter! I'm sorry it took me so long to get this out there, but I've been extremely busy lately! The good news is that I already have Chapter 40 done so I should be able to update in just a few weeks! (I still have to proofread and add some minor details.)

I hope you guys had a good year so far! I'm having an okay one...it's no different from 2016 really. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Anyways...let's get to 640 reviews, 325 favorites, and 385 follows! And I'll see you all in a few weeks' time! Ta-ta for now!