Chapter Seven

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g02sleep: I'm glad someone picked up on the hints... :D

It had been yet another busy day, and Merlin was more than ready to head back to Gaius' rooms for dinner.

Arthur had had Merlin running errands all morning and then had dragged him along on a short patrol around the city walls. Thankfully the king hadn't planned any training for the knights; Merlin thought personally that Gwaine had something to do with that.

The previous day, shortly after Merlin had changed his smelly clothes and returned to the training field, Gwaine had shown up. Arthur had apparently ordered that he come join the knights, and Gwaine hadn't taken it well.

Actually, the king and the knight had started shouting at each other in front of everyone else.

"When I ask my knights to be present at training I mean all of my knights, Sir Gwaine!"

"I haven't been feeling well, as I'm sure Gaius told you!"

"Yes, a week ago, maybe! You look fine to me now!"

"Should I really have to join training at all? Or have you found something wrong with the way I handle my sword?"

"That's not the point!"

"You incorrigible royal!"

"You idiotic drunkard!"

After they'd both shouted themselves hoarse (Gwaine's abuse growing increasingly vulgar as Arthur's insults turned into threats of banishment), the king had called an abrupt end to training as Gwaine stormed off the training field. He hadn't been seen since.

Which was the reason Merlin kept getting waylaid on his way to his anticipated supper.

Leon was the first to show up. "Merlin! Have you seen Sir Gwaine?"

Merlin stopped momentarily to answer the knight. "No, I'm afraid I haven't. Why?"

"No one's seen him. I'll check the armory…" Leon strode off, muttering. Merlin continued on his way, only to be halted when Percival stepped into his path.

"Have you seen Gwaine anywhere, Merlin?" the large knight asked.

"No, sorry."

"I was just headed down to the tavern and I'd thought I'd ask him if he felt up to joining me." Percival shrugged. "See you, Merlin."

"Bye." Merlin was crossed the courtyard and was almost to the staircase that led to the court physician's chambers when Elyan appeared. "Merlin! Have you seen…"

"Gwaine? No, I'm afraid not." By now, Merlin was getting worried himself. Remembering Percival's comment, he added, "Have you checked the tavern?"

"I've just come from there. He hasn't been there for a while." Elyan frowned. "If you see him, tell him we asked after him."

"Of course." Merlin's desire to fill his grumbling stomach was dulled by concern for his friend. "He hasn't been himself."

"Not at all. I'm afraid that he may have taken Arthur's banishment threats yesterday too seriously." Elyan sighed.

At that, Merlin got an idea. "Maybe Gwaine went to visit a tavern in an outlying village? Where no one would be looking for him?"

Elyan shook his head. "I checked the stables; no horses are missing and his stallion is still there. I'm really worried about him, Merlin."

Merlin ran his hand through his black hair. "All right, if no one sees him by noon tomorrow, then we go looking."

Elyan nodded. "Even Arthur will be worried if he's missing for that long."

A couple minutes later, Merlin entered Gaius' chambers to find dinner on the table, but the old physician poring over a dusty pile of parchment. He looked up when the younger man entered. "Ah! Merlin! Come here and look at this!"

Just then Merlin only wanted his supper, but he sighed and reluctantly went to join his mentor.

Gaius explained, "Ever since those boys said they were from Bernicia, I've been planning to research that country. I remembered that Uther wouldn't have anything to do with that kingdom and now I know why!" He tapped a page triumphantly. "It's far away, yes, but also; Bernicia is one of the few known kingdoms that has never banned magic."

"Really?" Merlin forgot about food temporarily and bent over the papers. "What's this?" He pointed to a light drawing that had caught his eye; a seven-pointed star above a wolf on a page of scribbled observations about weather and geography.

"Royal crest of Bernicia." Gaius answered. "According to various sources, during the Great Purge, many sorcerers fled to Bernicia to escape persecution. Though there were harsh punishments in place for those who used magic in a way that angered the king there…"

"Of course!" Merlin cried suddenly. "Everard said, 'Where I come from, they don't kill people because they have magic'. Or something like that. That's why he's keeping his mouth shut about me…"

"And doing it well." Gaius commented. "That could also be why he was initially reluctant to agree to Arthur's plan to have the knights escort the twins home…Perhaps they have friends with magic and don't want to offend the king of Camelot…"

"Who saved their lives." Merlin finished.

They stared at each other for a moment, contemplating the possibilities, when Merlin's stomach rumbled loudly.

"Definitely time for dinner, then." Gaius chuckled as Merlin grimaced and grinned at the same time.

Merlin found the missing knight on his way back from checking on the king and queen.

He had a habit of going to see Arthur and Gwen after his own dinner, just to make sure that they had everything they needed for the night. That night even Arthur had seemed content, so Merlin was soon headed off to his own bed.

While passing a spot where the main hallway intersected with a smaller one, he heard a crunching noise, which he quickly recognized as the sound of someone biting into an apple. Pausing, Merlin called down the dark corridor, unlit by any torches, "Hello?"

"Merlin?"

Feeling a weight leave him, Merlin hurried a few yards down the hallway to find Gwaine, dressed in his street clothes, lounging on a low windowsill, a half-eaten apple in hand. "Gwaine! Where have you been?"

In the dim moonlight coming through the window, Merlin could tell that the knight's usual smile was again absent. "Around." he said vaguely in reply to Merlin's query. "Mostly down in the caves below the city; interesting to explore, though I got a little claustrophobic at one point…"

Merlin sat down on the other end of the stone windowsill. "We've been worried."

"Sorry about that. I just didn't think the Princess would want to see me after yesterday." Gwaine wouldn't meet Merlin's eyes. His voice sounded so flat, so tired.

"Come on, Gwaine, Arthur's just a temperamental, royal…clotpole. He'll get over it."

Gwaine laughed bitterly. "Why should he?"

"Well…" Merlin said uneasily, "Um…you're one of his best knights. He trusts you with his life."

Gwaine's next words were so soft that Merlin almost missed them. "He shouldn't."

"What?"
Finally, Gwaine met Merlin's gaze. His shadowed brown eyes were full of pain. "No one should trust me. Ever."

Merlin didn't know how to reply. So he asked, "Why, Gwaine?"

The dark-haired knight took a shaky breath. "Because I can't trust myself."

Merlin frowned. How was he supposed to respond to that? What could he say to help? "Gwaine, you're one of the most trustworthy people I've met when things get serious. When it comes to your friends, you would do anything to help them. You're brave…"

"Foolhardy, you mean."

"Not always. Like when you stayed behind with Gaius, when Morgana attacked Camelot. You weren't foolhardy then, just incredibly brave. You could've run but you didn't."

A soft scoff from Gwaine told the young warlock that he wasn't helping. So Merlin allowed a few moments of silence to pass before he asked, rather aimlessly "What is it with you an apples, Gwaine?" He didn't really expect an answer; he didn't even know why he'd asked.

Gwaine glanced down at the previously forgotten fruit in his hand. After a moment, he replied, "My childhood home was surrounded by an apple orchard. Most of them were young trees that had grown on their own, but there was this one row of really old ones that had been planted intentionally that way. My sister and I used to race from one end of the row to the other; we weren't allowed to touch the ground the whole time. We only stopped doing that when I broke my arm…I think I was eleven…"

Merlin was stunned, to be honest. He'd asked a pointless question and already it was getting a more open answer than any of his other inquires.

Gwaine hadn't stopped talking. "Mother shouted at us for about an hour, plus my arm really did hurt, so we stopped racing after that…but we still climbed the trees all the time." He smiled faintly. "I guess that's why I like apples so much. They taste like home."

He went quiet again. Finally Merlin worked up the nerve to ask, "Why are you so scared of Everard and Elwin, Gwaine?"

"The twins?" Gwaine's slight smile disappeared. Eventually, he replied hesitantly, "They…they remind me of an incident that I regret. Hell, more than regret…" Merlin could've sworn that Gwaine's eyes got suspiciously bright. "It's more of an event that destroyed me, Merlin..." Suddenly, he stopped and stood up. "Goodnight, Merlin." he said, striding away before Merlin could even react.

What the bloody hell were you thinking?

Gwaine groaned loudly as he threw himself, fully clothed, on his bed. What had he been thinking?

Merlin would hate you if he knew the truth about you.

Which was why he should never have let his guard down. But he'd been alone all day, he was feeling more depressed than ever, and then Merlin somehow got him talking about the apple orchard at home and he and his sister climbing the trees…

I can't let him corner me again. Lord only knows what I'll let slip.

Over the last decade, Gwaine had slowly built up a solid wall around himself; a wall of jokes, sarcasm, and yes, lies. Invulnerability, that had been his aim. No one could get past his hardened exterior and see the darkness beneath.

Then Merlin and Arthur and those bloody knights of Camelot had to show up and get around it.

He was no longer invulnerable. He couldn't even pretend to be.

That was the real reason that he had stayed out of sight all day. Contrary to some people's beliefs, he did care about his reputation; his reputation as the jovial, lackadaisical Knight of the Round Table. An often-drunk womanizer in chain mail. A scoundrel in a red cloak. Impervious to the opinions of others.

What he really felt like at the moment was a child scared of being punished.

Blast Everard for having a gaze that goes straight through a person.

Though really, Gwaine did deserve to be punished. He knew that. Maybe if he'd stayed put that day…But he'd run. He'd slipped off without even trying to face the consequences.

You're a murderer…

Gwaine lurched from his bed and rummaged around to find the sleeping potion from Gaius. He hadn't slept at all last night.

Ignoring the label on the potion, he drunk the entire bottle at once. Then he fell back on his bed, waiting for it to pull him into hopefully-dreamless slumber.

You don't deserve to live.

Gwaine buried his face in his pillow, a few tears leaking from his eyes.

Earlier that day, he'd found the same cavern where, according to the stories, the Great Dragon had been held captive for years and years before he finally escaped. He had wandered around it a bit, thinking about escape.

Why can't I escape? Gwaine felt like a prisoner; a prisoner in his own self.

Perhaps there was a way out: death. But he'd been down this road before; he was too much of a coward to face death like that.

Just like he had been too much of a coward ten years ago.

As the potion started to take effect, Gwaine found himself whispering brokenly into his pillow.

"I didn't mean to, I swear…Father, I'm so sorry…"

"Gaius, please tell my brother that I am fine before he decides to throw a fit." Elwin rolled his eyes as his arm was being examined by the physician.

Merlin chuckled along with Arthur, who had come in to hear Gaius' final verdict on Elwin's injury, while Gaius simply sighed and told the wriggling boy to sit still.

Gwen had come too, and she was attempting to converse with Everard (who was being polite and trying to answer her questions, but kept being distracted over his brother's welfare). "How do you like Camelot?"

"It's a beautiful city, my lady, and…Elwin, quit squirming, Gaius is trying to help you…sorry, Your Majesty, what was I saying?"

Gwen laughed. "You said the city was beautiful."

"What? Oh, yes, it is, and the common people seem quite happy from what I've seen and that's always a sign of…Elwin! Don't make faces at the person who's trying to help you!"

"But I want to know what's taking him so long!" Elwin whined.

Just then Gaius completed his examination. "All is well. You should spend a little more time regaining your strength, but other than that you've recovered well." Looking knowingly at Everard, Gaius added, "There is nothing to worry about."

Elwin jumped up and said cheerfully, "See, Everard? I told you so!"

The adults all exchanged amused looks as Everard glared exasperatedly at his brother. Then Arthur said, "When do you advise that we leave for Bernicia? It wouldn't do for Elwin to have a relapse on the way…"

Gaius shrugged. "A few more days, perhaps, then it matters not when they travel home."

"Do you still intend to go with them, Arthur?" Guinevere asked anxiously.

"It isn't really necessary for you to bother, Your Majesty." Everard put in hastily (Gaius and Merlin exchanged glances). "Elwin and I could probably make it on our own…"

"Speak for yourself!" yelped his twin. "I don't want to be caught by slave traders again…"

"It's not a bother; I'll rest easier knowing I did everything in my power to get you two safely back to your homeland." Arthur assured Everard.

Judging by the expression on the boy's face, he was about to protest again. But just then the door slammed open.

Percival came charging in, followed closely by Sir Leon. "Gaius!" Elyan shouted from right behind them. "We need your help!"

The knights came skidding to a halt, panting heavily. Leon spotted the king and queen and hastily inclined his head towards them. "Sire. My lady."

Percival didn't bother with pleasantries. "It's Gwaine." he said.

Elyan gasped out, "We knocked on his door, got no answer, so we went in…"

Merlin felt a sudden lurch in his stomach. Gwaine had been so odd the night before…what if he'd gone and…"What happened?" he cried.

"You'd probably better see for yourself." Leon replied.

Arthur was already halfway out the door, pursued by Gwen and Gaius. Merlin and the knights hurried after them. Merlin glanced back to see identical expressions of confusion and worry on the faces of the twins, who remained behind in the room.

Gwaine lay on his bed, deathly pale, his breathing very shallow. He was still dressed in the clothes he had been wearing the night before and apparently would not be roused.

"What's wrong with him?" Arthur worriedly asked Gaius while Merlin, Gwen, and the knights looked on agitatedly. Gaius had silently examined the unconscious knight for a few minutes and was now poking around on the floor for some reason. "Gaius?" Arthur asked more urgently.

Gaius stood up, holding a glass bottle about four inches in height. There was a small paper label attached to the neck. "I know what's wrong with him, Sire." the physician said. "Were you aware that I supplying Sir Gwaine with sleeping draughts?"

Merlin seemed to be the only one who was not surprised. "What? Why?" several people asked at once.

Gaius sighed heavily. "Nightmares. I gave this to him the day before yesterday; and judging by his condition, I think that he didn't use it that night and then drank it all last night. This preparation is not meant to be taken in such large doses. He'll be fine," there was a chorus of relieved sighs from the others, "but he'll probably have quite a hangover. I estimate that he'll waken sometime tonight. But someone should watch him at all times; just in case his body decides to reject the potion…though it's unlikely at this stage…"

Soon it was agreed that Gaius and a couple servants would take turns watching Gwaine that day. As the others left the room, Gaius signaled for Merlin to stay for a minute. When the others were out of earshot, the old physician beckoned Merlin over to him. "I found these on the floor too." He held out a hand.

In his palm were two silver dragon scale pendants. Merlin stared at them, then his gaze flickered over to where Gwaine lay; his pendant was visible on the knight's chest. "They're the same as his." he whispered. "There's two of them. Do you think that they belong to the twins?"

"Look at the back." Gaius turned the pendants over. On each was etched a seven-pointed star. Merlin stared, uncomprehending. "Gaius, what…"

"Merlin, this is the same seven-pointed star that is part of the crest of the royal family of Bernicia." Gaius replied quietly. "If these belong to the twins, I think that we may have a pair of princes in our midst. At the very least lords. And I already checked Gwaine's; the star is on his too. Merlin, Gwaine must know the boys. That's why he's been acting so strange. They're his family."

"But that…" Merlin couldn't finish his sentence. That would almost certainly mean that Gwaine was from Bernicia. Which meant...

That means he lied to me.

Bear in mind I know next to nothing about medicine (though I do know that there are a lot of drugs that can harm just as easily as heal...I guess this is the herbal version).

Bernicia in this story is in a slightly different place than it was historically. I'm using a fan-made map by versaphile for reference (look up Map: The Kingdoms of Albion at Archive of Our Own if you want to see which map I'm talking about...)

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