I'm back...late again...very, very, very, very, very late...way overdue...please don't kill me!

If it makes you feel better, I'm going to be updating again very soon...I hope that this helps to fix my absence lately!

Disclaimer: Veronica Roth owns the exclusive rights to Divergent. I only own my ideas.

Chapter 44

Tris's POV

When Uriah and I travel back downstairs, the gang can immediately tell something personal just happened between us. They know not romantically, of course, but they can see that whatever occurred upstairs brought us closer. Marlene smiles at me and abandons the couch in an instant, leaving me and Uriah alone on it. Nobody asks questions or even comments on this, instead just rolling with it and playing it off as normal. Even ex-Erudite Will doesn't say anything when he comes.

For the rest of the day, Uriah is my lap dog. He gets me more ice cream as soon as I run out, keeps me supplied with an unhealthy amount of chocolate, and makes sure I drink a healthy amount of water. He can tell when negative things start to run through my mind and will throw his arm around me, saying something to make me laugh and forget all about my previous thoughts.

When the self-wallowing pity party is officially over, everyone leaves but him. He tells Zeke to inform their mother of where he's at. I told Uriah earlier that he didn't have to stay, but he refused to leave. Tori is delighted that I found someone else to confide in, but Caleb is a bit skeptical of the friendship. I make a mental note to tell him what happened later, and that the relationship Uriah and I have is purely brother and sister like, not what I'm sure he's thinking it might be.

Uriah stays all the way up until one o'clock the next morning, only moving from my side after I fall asleep on him in the middle of a movie. I wouldn't have known how late he actually has stayed if he hadn't carried me all the way upstairs; I woke up on the way.

When he dumps me onto my bed, I immediately crawl under the covers. He sits on the edge of the mattress.

"You're a good guy, Uri. Marlene's lucky to have you," I whisper.

He smiles and squeezes my arm from the top of the blankets. I wiggle my arm out and take his hand in mine, squeezing back.

"If you ever need me, just let me know."

I nod. "Who knew you could be anything but a comedic dipshit?" I jokingly ask.

He laughs. "How do you think I got Mar? Did you think that instead of flirting I used jokes?"

I giggle. "That was a question I never had the answer to until now."

He rolls his eyes. His smile falls flat a minute later. "If you don't mind me asking...why did you and Four take a break?"

I sigh and flick my eyes to the window where it all took place. I find myself looking through it in a subconscious attempt to see Tobias in his room, but I'm met with his black curtains. Apparently he was already thinking one step ahead of me.

"I told him that I needed some time to myself to heal. Said that I can't heal if I know he'll be affected by it. You should've seen him, Uri...he was so worried...so tired…"

I sigh again and turn back to Uriah. His eyes are sad but understanding. "He helped me as much as he could, but I wasn't helping myself. I was getting worse, going backwards on whatever progress he'd helped me make. I have to take the initiative here. I have to heal. But I also have to know that no one, especially him, will be caught in the crossfire."

He's silent for a long time, eventually closing his eyes and shaking his head. "Tris, you're an idiot."

"Excuse me?" I ask slightly offended.

"Tris, he wants to be caught in the crossfire. You do realize that, right?"

I roll my eyes and tear away from his gaze. "Nobody wants that, Uri."

"Yes huh," he argues.

Sighing, I look at him again and slowly say, "I'm tempted to reply with 'Nuh uh', but I have a feeling that you'd say the exact same thing again which would then lead to a long chain of unprogressive conversation that would be difficult to get out of without damaging someone's pride and/or ego. So explain."

He looks delighted that I'm giving him the chance to do so. "He doesn't want to be cut off from you, Tris. He cares, probably way too much, but that's not the point. He wants to know what happens, what you're doing, how you're holding up. Before you get the wrong idea, I'll say that I can understand why you're taking a break. It's smart to take a step back for a while. But it's not smart to distance yourself so far from him that you can't find your way back."

I frown. "What are you trying to say?"

"Talk to him, Tris. Whether it's texting, calling, in person, whatever, talk to him. Let him know how you are. I can guarantee that if you don't, both of you will deteriorate, and I sure as hell don't want to witness that mess."

I bite my lip. "What makes you think that will help?"

"Don't kid yourself, Tris. You and I both know that as long as he knows you're okay, he'll be okay too."

"He told me that if I ever needed somebody to talk to, I could talk to him," I say softly.

Uriah takes a deep breath and slowly releases it. "Tris, you were never going to do that."

"What do you mean?!" I snap.

"Don't get angry for hearing the truth. You know you weren't going to do that. You never need to talk to someone; you're too self-reliable for that. Besides, you took a break because you needed to heal on your own. To you, that means isolation from the ones who you love and who love you in order to protect them."

I frown. On some deep level, I know he's right. Guilt pangs through me even though I've done nothing wrong yet.

Uriah takes my hand again and squeezes. "Promise me something, Tris."

I look into his eyes and give a small nod.

"Promise me that you'll talk to him at least once a day. It doesn't have to be for long, and if you want, it could just be a progress report of some sort. Completely platonic. You only have to text him if you'd prefer, but promise me you'll talk."

I find myself nodding and squeezing his hand before I can think about it. "I promise."

He smiles and stands. "Also, come to school again soon. We miss you."

I smile. "I will."

He nods, satisfied, and squeezes my hand one more time before going to my door.

"Uri?" I ask before he leaves.

"Yeah?"

"Thank you," I say sincerely.

He smiles at me. "Goodnight, Tris."

"Goodnight, Uri."

He walks out and closes my door behind him. A few minutes later, I can hear a car start up and drive off. I close my eyes, letting sleep overtake me.

I wake up to someone shaking me. I groggily sit up, rubbing my eyes and yawning.

"Tori? What time is it?" I slur.

"It's 7:30."

"What happened? Why did you wake me up?" I ask, beginning to function a little better.

"I was coming to tell you that Caleb and I talked, and if you want to go to school today, you can."

I break out into a grin. "Really?"

She sighs and pulls me into a hug. "Really." She squeezes me for a few more moments then releases. "But get ready quickly, we have to go in fifteen minutes."

I hop out of bed as she walks out of my room and quickly dress myself in clothes that will cover my cuts and fading bruises. I brush my hair out and throw some shoes on, running downstairs. I grab an apple and a banana and sit at the table.

"Wow, look at you. An apple and a banana? It's a feast and it's only breakfast!" I hear Caleb sarcastically say from behind me. I roll my eyes and punch his side as he walks by. He laughs. "No, but really, why both? I thought you couldn't even finish one."

"I thought that maybe this could be a start to healing," I admit, choking down another bite of apple.

"You mean eating proper amounts of food?" he asks.

"Working up to it," I clarify.

He nods and squeezes my shoulder. "Well, I'm proud of you."

I squeeze his hand from its place on my shoulder. He watches as I eat the fruit, fighting the urge to gag as I gorge myself. I finally reach the end of my banana and stand up feeling like a whale.

I groan. "Maybe I should work up to it a little less harshly."

Caleb chuckles and throws the core and peel away for me. "Or maybe you should eat a little slower so your stomach can digest some of it. It'd help if you didn't eat it all in two minutes."

"Shut up," I say. "We're leaving in five minutes, I really didn't have a choice."

"You could've eaten your banana in the car," he retorts.

"And had bad breath? I don't think so."

"If you brushed your teeth after eating the apple, I hardly believe that eating a banana afterwards would make your breath go bad again. It's fruit, Beatrice, not onion and garlic."

I huff as I go back upstairs, knowing he's right but not willing to admit it. "Whatever, Caleb!"

I can hear him laughing until I enter my room. I brush my teeth, put on a light amount of concealer to hide the bags underneath my eyes, and grab my book bag.

"Are you ready, Bea?!" Tori yells from downstairs.

"Coming!" I holler back, bounding down the steps with my bag in hand.

Tori rolls her eyes at my eagerness. "If you were normal, you wouldn't be this happy to go to school."

"That may be true, but then again, I've never really been normal, have I?"

She chuckles and shakes her head, walking out the door. "No. No, you haven't."

"Bye Beatrice! Bye Tori!" Caleb shouts from the living room.

"Bye Caleb!" we both yell back.

Soon enough, we're finished with the drive and are coming to a stop in the reserved teacher's parking. I follow her out and into the art building, sitting on one of the stools and waiting for time to pass. It's too early for any one of the gang to be here yet.

And then first period art students start to file in, one by one. I wave a quick goodbye to Tori and head to my own first period. I walk into the algebra classroom only to be very nearly tackled by Christina, Uriah, Zeke, and Shauna.

"You're back!" Christina squeals.

"We've missed you so much!" Shauna yells.

"You just saw me yesterday," I point out.

"But it feels like it's been forever!" Zeke defends.

I roll my eyes. "Whatever. I've missed you guys too. Happy?"

"Very, actually," Uriah smirks. "When I said you should come back soon, I didn't mean starting today," he whispers so only I can hear.

I shrug as an answer. He laughs and starts pulling everyone away from me. I take a deep breath when I'm no longer surrounded by them. They start to laugh and joke, and I'm sure it's for my benefit, and I'm thankful for it. But then I meet a pair of blue eyes, and frown as I see the hurt in them.

"Four?" I ask, causing the four people in front of me, excluding Uriah, to look surprised and slightly afraid. "Can I talk to you for a minute?"

He purses his lips and a barrier comes over his eyes. Unfortunately for him, I've always been able to see past his walls.

Without waiting for an answer, I walk out of the classroom and make my way to the end of the hallway where it's more secluded. It only takes a few moments for me to hear footsteps following.

When we make it, we stand across from each other, Tobias trying to act indifferent.

"What do you need?" he asks.

I sigh. "First, I need you to take down your walls. I can see through them anyways, so it won't make any difference other than making our conversation easier."

His lips form a straight line, then they drop into a sigh. Slowly, his walls fall apart. "I'm sorry…it's how I cope."

"I understand that, but hopefully what I won't fail to say here will help," I tell him.

He raises an eyebrow. "Alright, I'm intrigued. Clue me in."

"Uriah brought it to my attention that I never would've called you because you said when I needed to, I could."

"That's not at all what I meant, Tris," he groans, already understanding how I took his statement.

"I know that now. And I...I wanted to tell you that I promised Uri I'd talk to you at least once each day, just you and I, either in person or over phone. And I need to. I...I don't want to distance myself so much that I don't feel like I can talk to you, and that's where I was heading. I need to be able to talk to you. It'd hurt me more than heal me to cut off all communication with you."

Slowly, a small smile breaks out onto his face. His hand reaches for mine and squeezes it. "I'm glad you said that, because I need to hear your voice everyday too."

I shyly smile and look at the ground. "I thought...I thought that maybe at the end of each day I could tell you how I'm doing, how it's going, that way you know how I've been getting along. And if something big happens I can call instead of text, or meet you somewhere, or...I don't know. Something else?"

He nods and squeezes my hand again. "That would be perfect."

I look up to meet his eyes. "I never thought I'd ever take Uriah's advice, but here I am."

He chuckles as the warning bell rings. "We better get back," he says.

I nod in agreement and drop his hand. He very quickly kisses my forehead. We walk side by side together back to the classroom, both of us struggling to keep just a friendship between us.

"Tris?" he says right before we enter.

"Yeah?"

"I need you. Please don't ever give up on me, no matter what, okay?"

I frown at his unusual change of topic. "Tobias," I whisper. "What's wrong?"

"Just promise you'll stick it out for me," he says, looking nervous.

"Stick what out? You're not making any sense, and you're worrying me," I reply.

"Tris, please, I'm begging you. Promise me you won't give up on me," he whispers and grabs my shoulders with a sense of urgency.

Still frowning, I stare into his eyes, searching but finding no answers. "I promise," I eventually say.

He nods, satisfied, and takes a step back. Before I can ask him any more questions, he's gone.

It's nice to be back here, in a way. I'm not looking forward to the piles and piles of homework I have from missing so much school, but I do enjoy having something to distract myself with. Besides, I have Caleb to help me. It's nice to not constantly think about court or Eric or Tobias or my parents or...well, you get it.

The gang has quickly figured out that my and Tobias's break is a friendly one, and that they don't have to tread carefully around us like they did before. Lunch is the same—Uriah and Zeke argue over something stupid, Lynn and Will put them in their places if they get too carried away, and the girls (excluding Lynn) talk about something girly. Tobias and I both tune in to Zeke and Uriah's conversation, well, argument, and I find myself laughing more than once. Like always, Tobias doesn't show anything more than a small smile. After awhile of this, though, we have our own conversation.

"I told Uriah everything yesterday," I quietly tell Tobias.

He turns his attention to me, surprised. "Everything?"

I shrug. "The short version, but yes. Everything." I frown. "I think."

"I'm proud of you," he tells me with admiration shining in his tone.

I blush. "Thanks," I whisper, looking into his eyes. I clear my throat, struggling to get back on topic. "He, uh, he said that he, and everyone else, were going to come to the trial."

"So you have the date?" he asks curiously.

I shake my head. "No, not yet. But…" I sigh and turn my gaze away from him. "But if everyone does come…" I shake my head again. "Do I tell them before or just let them come and figure it out?"

He sighs. "That is your decision. You know I can't tell you what to do."

I sigh and pick at my food with my fork. "Yeah. I know." A question burns on the tip of my tongue. "Are you going to come?" I blurt out and look at him.

"Where else would I be?" he says with an eye roll. Then he chuckles. "You're getting ridiculous."

I shrug and blush. "I didn't know. I just wanted to double check."

He squeezes my knee. "Stop doubting me."

The bell rings, and we all stand to dump our trays. It's not until we get into the hallway that I continue the conversation.

"I'm not doubting you! I just...I doubt I'm worthy of you sticking by me," I admit.

"And what does that mean?"

"It means...I don't know exactly what it means. Maybe that I don't deserve you?" I try.

"So do you want me to leave you? Do you want us to break up? Do you want me to let you handle all of this on your own? Is that what you want?" he asks with an icy tone I've only heard once...in Haviland...in that alley behind the hotel.

I frown, shocked at his sudden change of mood, and shake my head. "No, of course n-"

"Then stop doubting," he snaps and separates from my side to go to his locker. I follow his lead a minute later, lost in thought. For some reason I feel like he meant something deeper with his words, but I'm not sure if I'll ever figure out what it was. His tone was too cold for me to decipher.

I chance a look over my shoulder at him. He seems normal. Zeke is talking to him and they're both laughing, Zeke more than Tobias of course. If I had to guess, I'd say Zeke is laughing at his own joke. I frown even more and turn back to my locker. I shake my head and grab next class's books. Maybe I imagined the coldness…?

When the bell rings, I try to go to Tobias to ask him what that was all about, but he sees me and hurries ahead with Zeke before I can catch up. My jaw drops. Is he avoiding me now? When I don't even know what I did? What reason does he have to avoid me?

Surely I'm just reading into this wrong. He wouldn't avoid me. The Tobias I know would never be that petty or that cowardly.

He's not avoiding me. He can't be.

He's avoiding me. That much I've figured out.

Four days have passed and he's exactly the same. Well, not exactly the same. He's been a jerk to me. He doesn't even sit next to me at lunch anymore. I've tried calling him, but he declines all of them within the first ring. He's even gone to a further level of pettiness when he gives me rides home.

Yes, he still does that much. Then again, I wasn't too surprised. He did so even after our fight in Haviland.

As I was saying, he's gone to new levels during the drive home. I think he was expecting me to stay quiet like how we were after Haviland, but I was not. I refused to be. I tried to drill him for answers the entire time. He didn't give me any, of course, and after that first day, he's been filling the passenger seat with his book bag and any other clutter he could possibly find. I don't think I need to explain what that meant.

My favorite thing he did was on the third day, when I was texting him for the whole 'once a day one-on-one conversation' thing. He's never ever had his read receipts on because he's always liked his privacy, so when I saw that stupid receipt pop up, I'm ashamed to say I cried for a good twenty minutes.

I'm no longer sad or confused, though. Oh no. It took me a few hours to stop the hurt, but I eventually did. Now I'm mad. I'm angry. I'm pissed. Today was the last straw, and it definitely was the topper to the cake.

As I was climbing into his truck today, he grabbed my book bag from my shoulders. I thought he was going to be nice to me for a change, and not wanting to 'doubt' him, I willingly gave it to him. He tossed it uncaringly into the seat. But that isn't what made me mad. No. It's that he unzipped the damn thing first. He knew it was filled to the brim with folders upon folders of homework I had yet to do, but he tossed it into the seat, complete with a flip, and caused all of the papers to fly everywhere. And he didn't even bother to acknowledge it. No. He tossed his book bag on top of mine so not only were my papers now spread everywhere a problem, the papers underneath were a problem too.

But that still wasn't the best part.

When he pulled into his driveway, he managed to get to the passenger door first. He whipped it open so fast that the gust caused whatever papers had managed to stay in that area to blow out of the truck, landing all over his lawn and driveway.

"What the hell, Tobias?!"

I remember screaming at him, wondering what had gotten into him. He had only gotten worse over the few days time. I had never seen this side of him, simply because I didn't think he had this side.

"Get your stuff off of my property."

I had stared at him, shaking my head in disbelief. I couldn't believe what I was seeing. He had been becoming more and more like a jerk, yes, but I'd never thought he'd stoop that low. Especially to me.

"You are such a dick! I can't believe I fell for you, that I loved you! I hate you!"

I had continued to scream at him even as he walked away. I could tell my words hurt him, but at that point I no longer cared. As soon as he walked through the door, my lip started wobbling, my body started trembling, and my eyes burned with tears. I stubbornly had refused to let any noises escape me, but I couldn't hold the tears in. I started to pick up the papers, my hands shaking as I pulled them into a crumpled pile.

And then Caleb came.

The look on his face told me that he'd heard and seen everything. He looked just as surprised as I was, yet sympathetic at the same time.

I remember thinking about Tobias because he was the only one I knew that didn't give me pity. I also remember slapping myself for it later.

Together, Caleb and I picked up all of my papers in both his yard and his truck, and were able to sort them back out into their proper folders.

He'd carried my book bag inside for me, and then held me as I cried into his shirt. I begged him not to say anything to Tori because it would break her heart if she knew. I told him that I don't know what I did, but that I know whatever it was wasn't enough to warrant his actions.

But, even though Tobias was the reason I was crying, I defended him. For some stupid, unknown reason, I defended him. I told Caleb that this wasn't him, that there had to be some ulterior motive or good reason behind his actions. I knew that what I was seeing wasn't him, and I planned to figure out what it was. The way he flinched when I told him I couldn't believe I loved him was real. If he was still capable of being hurt by me, that meant he still cared. And it's a long-shot, but if he was hurt by my declaration of hate, that meant he still loved me, right?

I think both Caleb and I knew I was stretching at that point.

Right now I'm too mad to do anything but glare at the wall from my seat in Caleb's room.

"Bea...you shouldn't go to school tomorrow."

"And let him think he's won? I don't think so. I'm Dauntless, Caleb. I don't just walk away from battles," I argue.

"Then we'll have to have an excuse, won't we?"

I huff and turn around to face him. The bright red numbers from his clock blink at me. 12:30am. I've been glaring at that wall for over an hour.

"Really, Caleb? An excuse? That's the best you've got? It would be too obvious. Having a large blowout between us then missing the next day of school? I would be called a coward."

He sighs and lays his book to the side, sitting up to look at me with tired eyes.

"I mean a real excuse. I'm intelligent, Beatrice, and I've lived with you for fifteen years. I think I would know how you function," he says pointedly.

I frown at him, ignoring the last part. "What do you mean, a real excuse?"

He takes a deep breath. "I talked to Mason today while you were at school."

I gasp. "Why didn't you wait for me?!"

He shrugs. "I thought you might like to go with me and Tori to see him in person tomorrow instead."

"Yes! Of course I do! Duh!" I exclaim and join him on the bed, pushing thoughts about Tobias away for now.

No.

Not Tobias.

Four.

He isn't Tobias to me anymore.

He smiles at me. "I thought you might say that. Besides, I was going to ask you before all of this happened anyways, so it is a real excuse."

I smile back, then it falls. I think for a moment. "Did you say with Tori?"

His smile turns sheepish. "Yes...um...I may have talked to her about this whole thing."

I raise an eyebrow, eager. "And?"

"And…she wants to meet him and spend some time with him before she makes any decisions, but she said she'd consider the adoption."

My smile returns even wider than before. "Why didn't you tell me this earlier?! This is amazing!" I exclaim and throw my arms around him. He laughs.

"Just...don't get your hopes too high yet. It's still a maybe thing. And don't mention anything to Mason. As far as he knows, it's just going to be a friendly visit from what's left of my family," he tells me.

"Alright, I won't. What time are we leaving?" I ask excitedly.

"We're leaving at 6:00 so we can get there by 9:00 and spend the day with him. We're allowed to take him out of the center as long as he wears his tracking bracelet."

I raise an eyebrow. "Doesn't that seem a bit excessive?"

He shakes his head. "Some people are sick, Beatrice. The bracelet is just a precaution, and trust me, Mason is comfortable with it. Besides, each child can decorate his or her bracelet so it doesn't necessarily feel like a tracker."

I nod understandingly. "So we should probably get some sleep, huh?"

He smirks. "I'm going to. You're welcome to keep glaring at the wall, if you'd like."

I roll my eyes, my mood turning sour again. "Don't."

His face turns serious. "Beatrice...when did this all start?"

"The avoiding or the jerkish attitude?" I spit.

"Both."

"Well," I start, "the avoiding started part way through my first day back, and the jerk came out the day after."

He frowns. "Do you know why he's-"

"Why he's being such a dick?" I interrupt. He looks uncomfortable, but nods. "Caleb, I have no idea why he even started avoiding me."

"You said part way through your first day he started avoiding you?" he repeats for clarification.

"Yes. Right after lunch. We were on really good terms throughout the entire morning, and then, in the middle of our conversation, his mood suddenly changed and he got really….annoyed? Irritated? Mad?" I think for a little bit more, then shake my head. "I'm not quite sure. But he didn't even give me a chance to defend myself before he left my side and started avoiding me."

"I don't understand," Caleb says, shaking his head. "I don't understand why he is doing this. What else did he do?"

I grit my teeth. "I questioned him the entire ride home the first day, then he started putting his book bag in the passenger seat before I could get in. He also switched seats at lunch so he was no longer next to me, which made it obvious we had some sort of falling out, and things got all awkward in the gang again. Oh! And he turned his read receipts on just so I could see he wasn't going to reply to any of my messages! And then today…." I growl.

Caleb looks even more confused than before. "But if he was being a complete jerk to you, wouldn't he still sit next to you at lunch so he could torture you?"

I frown. I've never thought of that before.

"And why would he be avoiding you if he's being such a jerk? He's got the upper hand here. He shouldn't want to avoid you if his goal is to be a jerk. This isn't adding up."

"Caleb…" I trail off, looking for words. "What are you saying?"

"I'm saying that I don't think he's doing this to hurt you. He's doing it for another reason."

I scoff. "Like what?"

Caleb frowns at my attitude. "Did he say anything else to you that first morning that seemed...I don't know...weird? Out of character? Sudden?"

I shake my head. "No! He did this with no warning! I don't know what I did!"

"Beatrice, think. Was there anything he said that confused you?"

I go to reject his stupid theory again, but Caleb slaps a hand over my mouth before I can open it.

"Beatrice, I mean it. I'm trying to help you out. Just think for a minute."

I huff and pull his hand off. I roll my eyes but think about it anyways. A few minutes later, I frown and say, "He did say something kind of odd, I guess."

"What was it?" Caleb looks eager.

"He told me to stick something out, but he wouldn't tell me what it was. When I asked, he changed the topic and made me promise, that no matter what, I wouldn't give up on him." I frown even more as I'm saying this. "Do you think that maybe-"

"That maybe this is what he was referring to?" Caleb finishes for me. "Yes. I do."

I look down at my lap. "But we're still missing one thing," I say quietly.

"And what is that?"

"Why he's doing this."

There's several minutes of silence as we both contemplate the information we have. Eventually, Caleb breaks the silence and whispers, "Right."

I sigh and shake my head, raising my eyes to look at the wall again. "You think things aren't adding up for him to be acting like this? Maybe so. But things aren't adding up for that theory either, and right now it's the least probable explanation."

Caleb quietly sighs. "He's not telling you something."

Anger flares up in me again. I turn my head to look at Caleb. "You think I don't realize that?! After all of the questions I've asked him and haven't received the answer to?!" I shake my head, humorlessly laughing. "Trust me, I know, but I don't think he plans on telling me anytime soon, and I'm not going to wait. Not like this," I spit out and get off his bed.

Caleb frowns. "Beatrice, what are you-"

Before he can finish, I've exited his bedroom and slammed his door behind me. I wait a few minutes to see if he'll follow me. When I don't hear any sign of him doing so, I leave to go downstairs as quietly as possible.

I enter the hallway and find the panel in the dark. It's been a long time since I've been down here. Checking one more time for any unwelcome presences, I slide it closed and start walking down the stairs. I have to go slowly, as I forgot to bring any source of light. My descent is quiet.

I finally reach the bottom and go to open the door...but I can't.

"What the hell?" I quietly mumble to myself and try again. It still doesn't budge. I use both hands to pull it, but it's to no avail.

Then I understand.

Anger floods into me, fresh and raw. I grit my teeth and yank the knob back. It creaks and shakes, but it doesn't move. I narrow my eyes. He did something to it. I know he did.

I yank it once more. The door creaks and shakes again, but this time I hear the faint snap of a string. A surprised breath escapes me. He thought of this? I thought only the Erudite were this smart!

I huff and start to yank the door with even more intensity. My shoulders start to burn, but I don't stop. Soon, I hear something heavy scoot across the floor. I yank once more and my door comes loose. I stumble back and fall, not expecting it. I hit my head against the stairs and wince. I rub the spot as I go back to the door and open it just a crack. A new noise fills my ears.

Water? Why would Tobias be taking a shower down here?

I look across the room and see the tv stand edged away from his door. I shake my head in disbelief. I hate to give it to him, but the boy is a genius.

In case you don't understand, he's tied a string from his door knob to mine and made sure that it had no slack. Since my door only opens by pull and his opens by push, it shouldn't have worked, but he obviously took that into account and pushed the tv stand in front of his door so it would be impossible for me to get in unless I made his door open first. It should have been impossible for me to move that with only the force of the pull of the string. However, I somehow did.

I step inside completely, careful to keep quiet. I start to inspect the room, checking for anything that's changed.

And something has changed.

Other than his bed, dresser, book shelf, lamp, and bed table, everything in his bedroom is down here in one of the corners of the room. Which, I guess, isn't all that much. I frown. I walk over to look at the pile. I carefully dig through the stack of clothes and pull out the picture frame of him and his mother which was hidden in the middle of two shirts. I brush off the dust collecting on it, and set it back down. I find his phone, then eye the blue statue his mother gave him.

Why is his stuff down here and not in his room?

The running water suddenly stops. I quickly stand up, heart hammering, and go to the tv stand partially in front of his door. I can't let him know that I've been here. I quietly lift the end and push it back against the door. Then...my door shuts too.

Why, oh why, did I not think this through? How could I forget what his door being shut does?! It locks me in!

Or, in this case, locks me out, I think bitterly.

I know there isn't enough time to move it back and slip inside my door before he comes out, and even if there was there would be two problems:

One, he would be able to see that I got in, and if he has a light like I expect him to have, he'd be able to shine it up my stairwell and see me escaping, and two, he would either change his locking system completely or improve it if he knew I got in, and I can't have that.

I quietly run to the tv which is now leaning against the wall with two bean bag chairs on the side of it, holding it up. The space is small, but I am also small. This is one of the rare times I don't curse my little girl figure. I squeeze behind it and wait, making sure not to shift anything out of place. I'm able to see both sides through a small crack of space.

The trapdoor opens a few moments later and Four crawls out of it, hair dripping with excess water. The sight of him fills me with a longing so powerful that my chest aches.

I watch his back as he turns to his pile of belongings and rummages through it, pulling out a small piece of gray fabric.

Wait a minute- gray? I've never seen him wear gray. But...no, that can't be right.

I squint and carefully lean closer to get a better look. My eyes widen, and anger starts flowing through me again as I see that it's mine. That gray fabric he's holding is mine.

I barely hold myself back from leaving my hiding place and yelling at him.

Why are you holding back, anyways? Isn't this what you came down here for? To yell at him? To demand answers?

I shake my head to clear my thoughts and focus on Four. He grips the fabric like a lifeline. His knuckles are white from the pressure.

"Bitch," he spits at the fabric.

I can't help it. I flinch at the word. Tears fill my eyes, and the anger rises to an even further level of rage.

"I don't care about you anymore, don't you get that? I don't love you," he spits again.

The words make my heart shatter, and I officially feel broken. I once wondered what my breaking point was, and if I had already reached it but didn't know, but no. Now I know. This is it. This is my breaking point.

Tears stream silently down my face and I desperately want to get out of this place so I don't hear anything else he has to say. It wouldn't matter if he saw me now anyways. Obviously he no longer cares. But my feet don't cooperate, and I stay right where I am.

Then, taking me by surprise, Four collapses against the wall and slides down to the floor, one hand still clutching my shirt and the other hanging limply at his side.

"What are you doing, Tobias?" I just barely hear him say.

I frown and wipe the tears from my cheeks, a new hope rising inside me. Surely this means something…right?

He rests his head on the wall and shuts his eyes. He brings the shirt-my shirt-to his nose and takes a deep breath in. And then my heart breaks again, much to my dismay, but not because of his actions, because of his words, or even because of the pain he caused me.

He's crying.

I stare horrified at the vision before me: his strong shoulders shaking, his dark blue eyes leaking drops of saltwater, his beautiful face contorted into something unfamiliar—all of it sends an alarming shock through me. He looks so...broken.

My arms twitch with the urge to hold him. I have to dig my nails into my palms in order to keep myself from running over to him.

You still don't have any answers, Tris, I remind myself.

After what feels like hours, but is only just minutes, his tears stop and he opens his eyes, staring blankly at the wall across from him. My heart clenches at the sight of him; I've never seen him like this.

He slightly shakes his head as he whispers, "What are you doing?"

Sadly, this is all he says. After a few more minutes he stands up and carefully lays my shirt back onto the pile, looking reluctant to do so. He stands there for a moment looking lost, then he turns and goes to his door, working and resetting the makeshift lock behind him.

When I'm sure that he's not coming back, I crawl out from behind the tv and stretch my limbs. I wipe the leftover tears from my face, staring at his door. Should I go after him?

For some reason, my gut tells me that that is not a good idea.

I sigh and move the furniture from his door just enough so I can squeeze through my door without making it obvious I found a way through.

What are you doing? Please tell me, Tobias. Please.

I know, I know, shorter chapter than usual! But I am going to be uploading Chapter 45 very soon, so I hope you can forgive me! I still am having a very hard time in my life right now, and it's been hard to be motivated to write. I wish I was better about that because you guys are the best, but unfortunately I still can't bring myself to write. I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry! I'll try to be better, but I cannot promise anything!

Anyways, I don't have any review, follow, or favorite goals right now since I'll be updating again soon enough, so just do whatever floats your boat!:) Until next time!