#41 - His Earnest Heart
City of London – The Royal London Hospital.
The single robin blue eye belonging to the young earl darted from side to side.
The hospital corridors, he noticed that was a norm for a place like this, carried a solemn and stiff air. The familiar undertone of bleach in the air made his nose twitched. Before his family massacre, he had visited this hospital a number of times with his mother to see his late aunt, Angelina Dallas who worked as a doctor here. He hated this smell ever since his first visit.
The walls were magnolia and were scraped in places from the hundreds of trolleys that had bumped into them. Cheap, dull paintings that decorated the walls did nothing to make the corridors look more warm and cheerful.
Ciel Phantomhive who was currently going with the name 'William Bentley', turned back to the front and quietly watched the conversation as it went back and forth between his 'father' and the doctor, following the two adults in front like a son he was supposed to be at the moment as they paced down the corridor to visit his 'sister'.
It was only last night when they reached the hospital doors with Estella who was bleeding her life out – luckily, there was barely anyone in the hospital and no one even turned their heads when they entered, minding their own business which he preferred and was grateful for. Thankfully, no one recognized him. While their casualty was in the operating room of the emergency unit, they made a quick trip to his townhouse, just six streets down, to catch some sleep while waiting for the visiting hours to be opened.
Presently, they were back into the hospital with fresher and mundane-looking attires as well as their cover and in his opinion, a very unlikely story that some hunter mistook his sister as a deer while they were playing in the forest and shot her by mistake. It was a story he hastily came up with on the spot while they were filling a form over the reception. He was still surprised how readily the story was accepted. Or either that, no one bothered to know what really happened.
Strolling down the corridor to the assigned ward, Ciel eyed the two in front with a poker face and saw the doctor shook his head to something Sebastian had said.
"Mr. Bentley," The doctor turned to Sebastian with a frown on his face, "I have no rights to say this, but… I advise you to keep an eye on your daughter." The doctor's eyebrows furrowed even more. "She was very close to…passing."
Ciel froze in his track briefly before taking another step forward, with hands curling into fists in his pants pocket. Although he was aware of that mentioned fact, the last bit of the doctor's comment still struck him. Hard in the chest, like a harsh blow from a hammer.
"…I'll keep that in mind. My son was clearly not doing his job when I told him to look after her sister."
Ciel glanced up and saw two pairs of eyes on him, and that snapped him back to full focus on the adults.
Sebastian had a stern, disapproving look on his face. His chin was raised and his jaw was set. "Will! Didn't I asked you to look after your sister?" To everybody else in the corridor, they saw Sebastian as a father who was reprimanding his son.
But all Ciel saw was his demon butler toying with him. Typical, this was just another entertainment for him to play along with, the young man thought seethingly.
For a brief moment, Ciel flickered his eye over to the doctor who was fidgeting awkwardly with the stethoscope hanging from his neck, seemingly looked to be feeling out of place to be caught between this father-to-child lecture.
Even though he was the one who decided that their cover were necessary for safety, he despised needing to act like a foolish, immature teenager son he had seen at times when he was out of his manor. His butler was clearly enjoying this. Very much.
But what choice did he have?
A silent sigh escaped him.
Guilt melted into his features as Ciel turned back to his 'father', sinking into character. "It was my fault…I-I was distracted." Ciel's eyebrows furrowed as a protest brewed behind the guilty face. "But father, it was also partly her fault for running off on her own like this!" His voice came out as a whine, like he had intended.
Ciel could not help but cringe inwardly at the way he just delivered his line. Perfect acting but distasteful.
"Quiet, Will. This will be settled at home." With the ghost of an amused smile, Sebastian turned back to the doctor who responded by pushing his slipping spectacles up his nose. "Dr. Dashner, how long does my daughter have to stay here? It would be preferable if she could rest in the comfort of our home – she hates hospitals."
The doctor was silent for a moment, his eyes were narrowed with thoughtfulness. "As soon as your daughter has woken up and is stable enough, she should be able to be discharged. At the moment, she is clearly not fit for that yet.
"Alright, thank you doctor."
"You're welcome, sir–" Sebastian and the young earl turned their head to where the doctor had stop in the midst of his sentence to look at. It was a door made of oak, just like the ones they passed by earlier. The door was marked with two bronze digits on it – 16.
"Ah, finally! Here we are." The doctor turned to them with a beaming smile, looking somewhat pleased.
Sebastian smiled a small smile. "Excellent."
With a nod, the doctor turned back to turn the knob. The bronze numbers on the door glistened as the door swung inward into the silent ward. "A private ward like you had requested." The doctor peeked into the room before turning back to them. "Alright then, Mr. Bentley, I shall take my leave now."
They watched the doctor stride away.
"Come on," Ciel tore his gaze away from his retreating back and walked into the small room, with Sebastian who fell in step behind him and closed the door behind them. Dropping his act behind the safety of the closed door, the butler assumed his duty by peeling the coat of Ciel's shoulder.
"This isn't too bad," Ciel said, freeing his arms from his coat as he took a quick glance around. "Much better than that I have expected. But from the previous times, this hospital's standard of maintenance has really gone down, hasn't it?"
Sebastian hooked the coat on the coat rack by the door and turned with slight furrowed eyebrows. "I afraid so, young master."
The ward was small but big enough to fit a sofa by the window and a chair by the bed. At the far right corner of the room was a cabinet with a tray holding a water pitcher and glass cups. Unlike the common wards they had passed on the way here, the ward like a private ward it was, was peaceful compared to the rather noisy ones down the corridor.
Ciel stepped around the bed and stopped at the edge of it, staring down at the occupant.
Estella looked as still as the dead except she was breathing. Soft, laboured breathing. Her fiery red hair that was spread across the pillow behind her head seemed redder than usual next to her pale, sickly face. A white bandage was neatly pasted onto her left cheek, right below her eye. Ciel cringed inwardly when he looked east and found all her limbs were bandaged as well. The sight made him recall the bruises and red gashes he spotted on them back in SIGMA.
Sighing silently, his gaze stopped at her torso and rested on the bandage which he clearly knew was for the gun wound which was the reason they were even here in the first place. He was glad they managed to rush her to the hospital in time.
"I suppose… we will be staying in the townhouse until she is discharged?" Sebastian asked from at the other side of the bed.
"Right," Ciel raised his eye and met Sebastian with a sharp look, "Aside from that, I want the servants to be on high alert, higher alert from now on."
….
The setting sun sat on the horizon. Its orange light had caused shadows to fall over the city, between buildings and across the emptying streets, already enveloping a two-third of London in blanket of darkness, with the Phantomhive townhouse included. But it was a perfect cover for someone who was trying to enter the guarded townhouse unnoticed.
Hiding in the shade of the short trees near the entrance, a man, no, a half man had his eyes on the main doors where he had been watching the two men ever since they came out through those hefty wooden doors. From the darker skin tone they bore and their attires, he quickly deducted them Indians.
The man peered down apprehensively at the green snake, Emily, which had come to his attention when it slithered across his right shoulder and looked up at him with its long, forked tongue hanging over its mouth. Boy…second floor.
He could feel his other brown snake, Bronte, doing the same on his other shoulder.
"Smile is on the second floor?" He questioned Emily in hushed voice.
Smell him. Scent… strongest…there. He turned to Bronte which coiled around his arm with a soft hiss.
Nodding, the man turned his head to the front in time to see the two men enter the house.
….
Up in the second storey of his townhouse, Ciel was sitting behind his desk in the study, tapping the end of his pen absentmindedly against the blank paper in front of him. He had been staring at it for the past ten minutes and still have no idea how to start the report about SIGMA meant for Her Majesty. Months and months of research and occurrences regarding the problematic organization, there was an abundance of details to include in his report.
Ciel stood from his chair, glancing out of the window to see that the sun had finished setting as he went around his desk to the fireplace. He let out a sigh and sat before for the fire, staring into the glowing embers that grew brighter as the world outside darkened.
He tipped his head back in deep thoughts. Seconds was shifting to minutes as he pieced all the information and happenings together in his head. Writing a report regarding SIGMA brought back recollections of those misadventures he had with them. So much had happened and they were not exactly pleasant, especially SIGMA's invasion of his manor.
An image of Estella flashed in his mind when the memory about that invasion resurfaced. He had a feeling that if the government were to find out the existence of Estella Blancbaston, she would land up in another experiment. Things would most likely turn ugly.
Not a specimen again. The young Earl's mouth twisted with ire as protectiveness for the girl erupted in his chest. She will not be touched. He instinctively curled his fingers around the armrest and tightened their grip on it with anger.
With furrowed brows set on his face, Ciel stood and walked back to the desk purposefully. Writing a report without a mention about Estella Blancbaston in it was what he was going to do. Like she never existed.
Ciel sat down and picked up the pen once again. He tightened his grip on the pen and leaned over the paper to begin the report with chosen words in mind.
This is the report Your Majesty have requested from me. Over these past six months, Black ink started to imprint itself into the paper as he wrote. I have heard, seen and even personally encountered the organization you had assigned to me for investigation– There was a knock on the door.
"Ciel, look at what we found!" Prince Soma's voice rang out from the other side.
Ciel sharply raised his gaze to the door, annoyed to be disrupted in the midst of an important task. "Didn't I said that I don't want to be disturbed?" His voice was tinged with annoyance. He threw a glare at the door before continuing his writing.
"Young Master," it was Sebastian speaking this time, "This is something you may need to be concerned with."
His hand that was directing the pen paused and a sigh could be heard. "Come in." Ciel placed the pen down and leaned into his chair.
The doors swung wide opened and Ciel watched Sebastian alongside with the Prince and Agni who was holding a curious net of snakes, entering his study with a man in bounded in ropes.
There was an amused smile on Sebastian's face. "Looks like someone from the circus missed you."
….
She was standing on a balcony of a three-storey cottage that was surrounded by a sea of yellow, pink and purple flowers, with the view of a beautiful lake of blue and green. The reflection of the lake mirrored the white fluffy clouds drifting slowly in the blue, blue sky. She held onto the marble railing and took a deep breath. The sweet scent of the flowers and fresh green grass carried to her by the light breeze made her smile.
This was freedom. Where SIGMA did not exist. Where she knew no pain or sorrow.
She heard the creak of footsteps behind her but she did not turn, feeling arms slip around her waist and a pair of warm lips pressed against her neck. "How's our little one?" The deep, gentle voice made her look down on the bump bulging from her abdomen. The sapphire ring glinted prettily on the thumb as the hand fondly caressed her five-month baby bump.
"Healthy and kicking…" She smiled wildly and turned to see the tenderness on the face of the man behind. "A lot."
"Feisty, just like the mother." The man chuckled and turned her around to face him, he leaned into her against the railing and kissed her deeply.
She let out a contented sigh once they broke apart. "Just four more months and we will be seeing another us running around the manor."
"Yes-"
Out of a sudden, a deep, throaty laughter cut in and made both glance around in confusion. She quickly located its source and saw…herself but with a pair of crimson red eyes and crooked smirk. Her lookalike was perched on the edge of the cottage's roof and her head was thrown back with a loud cackle like she was told a humorous joke.
"Who are you?!" She shouted at the intruder above.
Her lookalike paused in her laughter and looked down at her with an amused face. "Who am I? You're actually asking me…who are you? Ha, you must be so deep in your silly disgusting dream that you can't even recognize me!" The redhead above snorted incredulously. "I am who you labelled 'The Demon', don't you remember? Now, stop this silly thing. This is an illusion!"
"What?"
The redhead yawned rudely. "Snapped out of it and look around you…does this look like reality to you?"
What the hell is that weirdo talking about…?
She reluctantly tore her gaze away and glanced around, only to let out a shocked gasp. The flowers which were swaying to the breeze and the drifting clouds were eerily still. Drawing her glance away, she turned back with the man in mind to find…no one else but her on the balcony. Eyes widening in shock, her attention snapped to her abdomen with her hands flying to feel a…flat stomach.
Panic and confusion started to fill her senses…
….
It had been two days since their last visit and they were immediately greeted by abnormally fast, loud and raspy breathing sounds when they opened the door to her ward. Ciel's gaze flew from the bed to Estella's chest rising and falling uncontrollably. Her skin was glistening with droplet of sweat and her damp fringe was plastered to her forehead.
Something was wrong.
"Sebastian, hurry, call for the doctor!"
The butler rushed away as he walked to the side of the bed, glancing down at the sleeping face of Estella with a frown. "You will be alright, Blancbaston, I promise." He spoke in a quiet voice, too soft for anybody else to pick up, but loud enough for her to hear even though it was obviously to be left unheard.
Ciel turned his head to the door when he heard urgent voices and footsteps pounding down the corridor outside the ward and watched Sebastian appear at the door with Dr. Dashner and three nurses.
"Leave this to us, Mr. Bentley."
Sebastian nodded at the doctor and turned to Ciel, "Let's wait outside, son."
"Okay, father."
Ciel gave the girl behind him a last glance and walked to the door while the nurses and the doctor urgently pushed past him.
...
What was going on…?
As though she had questioned that aloud, the redhead's voice cut in. "This is fake. Open your eyes and see the real world, your real world!"
"My real world…?" She did not understand. What real world?
The lookalike sighed. "SIGMA, Ciel Phantomhive, that raven demon….Remember?"
Without warning, the balcony underneath broke with a loud crack just as the cottage and its beautiful surroundings faded to black. With everything gone, she found herself in an endless fall through nothing but darkness.
"Help me...help me! Where are you?!"
Open your eyes, stupid girl! It's time to wake up.
…and the darkness glowed white.
….
Light bled through her heavy eyelids which she was struggling to lift. Finally after a few tiring seconds, her eyelids slowly pried open just as her ears begun to pick up low mumbles, rhythmic beeps and flipping of papers.
What a strange dream…
Estella winced at the sudden intrusion of light and blinked rapidly trying to readjust her vision to see clearly once they had adapted to the brightness. The world was blurred and cold. There was a dull ache raking through her body that did not feel right. Her face felt sore and a little itchy. She tried to move her arms to reach her face, but they would not move.
She turned her head when a voice reached her ears. "Don't worry, everything is under control. Her heart rate has returned to normal so she will be fine." The voice belonged to a man in a white coat and he was talking to...Sebastian who was always prim and proper, in an unflattering brown coat and faded black trousers.
Beside the butler who certainly did not look like a butler, she was surprised to see her master dressed in a commoner's top and pants, much like Sebastian.
The Earl wore a green shirt with string tassels at collar, brown trousers and had a white medical eyepatch over his right eye instead of his usual black one he wore to conceal the Faustus contract. He looked so...oddly ordinary. Not even looking one bit like the Earl he was.
For what reason? Estella blinked tiredly, still feeling muddled to understand her current situation and everything else around her.
"But I will assign a nurse to watch her in case an episode like this occur again."
This caused her to turn back to the conversation.
"Thank you, but I do not wish to trouble the hospital anymore." Sebastian's eyebrows were creased. "Let my son and I do it instead, doctor. I'll be sure to alert you if anything goes wrong, like I did just now."
"But-"
"We are her family and we will do what a family do." Sebastian offered the man an assuring smile.
Buzzing questions and confusion that gradually grew overwhelming over the time of their conversation and so she decided that it was time for her to speak up. "What are you talking about…?" Her voice came out small and croaky as she spoke. "You people are not making any sense…"
Surprised looks met her.
"Miss Bentley!" The man in the white coat strolled toward her with a surprised look. "Didn't expect you to wake up so soon…How are you feeling?" His brows furrowed with concern.
"Uhhh, bad and good…?" Estella eyed the stranger oddly. Bentley? She was starting to feel fatigue from all the confusion."Who are you?"
The man smiled pleasantly. "I'm Dr. Dashner who is assigned to you till you are healthy again." His long brown fringe fell over his eyes as he looked down to catch a glimpse of the watch on his wrist. "It's great to see you up so fast. For now, rest is the key to recovery." The doctor turned back to Sebastian. "I'll leave you all for now, Mr Bentley. Do call for me when I'm needed."
"Take good care of your sister, alright?" The doctor pat Ciel's shoulder when he past the young man.
The door shut closed behind the man.
Estella wearily looked at Sebastian, then over to Ciel who sat down on the chair by her bed. "Since when were you my brother?"
….
The young Earl leaned back onto the chair and crossed his arms, silently watching Estella whose energy was sapped from their talk. He felt a pinch of pity as he studied her sleeping face which had exhaustion written all over it. To be exhausted while in her current condition was quite understandable.
Over an hour ago, Ciel had fed the girl on what had happened back in SIGMA and the reasons for their fake identities as well as Ciel and Sebastian's uncharacteristic attires.
But Estella was not the only one who was on the receiving end of information. He too had learnt about the purpose of SIGMA's ultimate project, their alliance with Germany and Brandon Christensen from her while she was in captive. He was not surprised to hear about Brandon from her, for Sebastian had already told him about his fight with Brandon and everything he had learnt from his mission.
Just a while earlier, Ciel had tasked Sebastian to invite Grell to his manor for the dinner he had promised the shinigami back in SIGMA, fearing the loud shinigami would grow impatient and budge into the hospital to look for them, no, Sebastian. He had imagined the visit to be chaotic, risking SIGMA knowing their prized specimen's whereabout with that big mouth of his.
A smirk appeared on Ciel's face as he recalled the way Sebastian's face fell when he was informed about his set-up dinner date with the redhead.
The smirk faded quickly as he turned to the blank paper on the side table and sighed.
It was time to write another letter to the Queen concerning what he had found out about SIGMA's plan.
….
Hours turned days, days turned into nights, and nights turned into days. Visits after visits from Ciel and Sebastian.
Her condition had improved as time went by. However, also with time, she had grown sick of the hospital food. Her stay was so dull and boring that she would rather be dusting the books in the manor.
Today was the sixth day of her stay and Estella could not wait to get out.
Slumped onto the pillow behind, she glanced down on her lap where the two books Ciel had bought her sat and sighed. They weren't very entertaining but she had read those four times already because there was nothing else she could. And no, she was not allowed to exit her ward because a certain boy said so.
Ciel had warned her against leaving her ward because he was afraid that someone associated with SIGMA might see her and alert the organization. But just yesterday, she had done it but was greeted by an annoyed Ciel who went straight to lecture her about SIGMA and whatnot when she returned to her ward.
Grimacing at what she recalled of yesterday, Estella picked up the first book and ran a finger down the spine thoughtfully. Maybe she should read this one more time… The girl flipped opened its brown leather cover.
But the door swung opened just as she was about to start on the novel.
Estella looked up from the book to see Ciel and Sebastian walking in. It was her regular visitors again. "Urghhh, this is the fifth time I'm reading this book…." She flashed an agonized look at the approaching Earl whose face carried his typical blank expression.
Ciel glanced down at the book in her hand briefly and scoffed. "There's no need to read that book any longer, Blancbaston. You're discharged."
He was returned with a blank stare.
"Hey," Ciel leaned forward with a frown. "Didn't you hear what I just said-"
"Yes, yes!" Hardly able to contain the excitement within her, she unthinkingly flung the said book at him as she leaped off the bed.
….
Estella knew Ciel was in a foul mood the moment his face and mood darkened when the book she unintentionally flung hit him square in the face, and he did not speak a word to her since then.
How petty…I didn't do that on purpose. She glared at his back. I even apologized!
Approaching the carriage waiting in the quiet, empty compound right behind the hospital, Ciel strode after Sebastian who was leading them down to their transport home parked in a corner ahead. He could feel her eyes on his back, and they have been doing that ever since the three of them left the ward. Down the stairs to the ground level of the hospital, and even when they were settling the bills at the front desk.
Ciel sneaked a glance over his shoulder to find that Estella had placed a considerable amount of distance between them, shuffling her feet as she followed.
"Tch." Ciel clucked his tongue in annoyance and spoke, loud enough for the girl behind to hear. "Judging from your speed, it seemed that you can't bear to leave this hospital so why not stay for another week since you liked it so much?"
A sharp intake of breath, followed by sound of quickening footsteps behind him.
"Oh, so you have finally decided that it was time to speak?" Ciel saw Estella fall in step beside him from the side of his eyes and increased his speed, walking ahead.
"Hey! Slow down, will you? How can you expect an injured person like me to walk this fast?" He heard her swear.
"You mean for a person with short legs like you?"
"Huh?!" Ciel who had slowed down before the carriage door Sebastian had pulled open for him, turned around to see Estella stomping her way toward them with an incredulous look on her face. "Excuse me, Phantomhive, in case you're too stupid to realize, you're not any better in the height department!" Her breath hissed through her teeth in annoyance.
"Yes, I am in fact better since I'm much taller than you." Turning away, Ciel stepped into the carriage and settled in the cushioned interior "Now shut up and get in, we don't have all day." He said with a glare, watching Estella slow down to a stop before the door.
….
Finny watched the carriage turn into the driveway, fidgeting with his garden gloves nervously. The Young Master as well as Estella were finally back and he was very delighted to see them again but now was not the time to celebrate their return. While Bard and Meyrin were busy serving their master's awaiting visitors who had just arrived, Finny managed to sneak out of the manor. He had to inform the Young Master!
Using his hand to shield his eyes from the bright afternoon sun, Finny spotted Sebastian by the front of the carriage, tugging back the horses with the reins. The horses whined simultaneously as they slowed down to a stop.
"Mr. Sebastian!" Finny dashed toward the carriage, to the butler who made to move get off the vehicle.
"What is it, Finny?" Sebastian climbed down to the ground with ease and flashed the gardener an expectant look as he went around the carriage to open the door for his passengers.
"They are here," Finny flapped his arms and turned to watch Ciel stepped out of the carriage, panicking. "Mdm Midford and Lady Elizabeth are here!"
"What a timing," Ciel ran a hand down his face with a sigh before raising his gaze onto Finny. "Finny, I want you to head back in and tell Snake to keep his snakes out of sight at all cost."
Finny saluted. "Yes sir!"
Without another word, Finny turned and broke off into a sprint, dashing past Estella who had barely stepped out from the carriage. "Finny?" Estella tilted her head in puzzlement as she watched the gardener race past her before turning to Ciel and Sebastian. "What's with Finny?"
"Visitors." Ciel answered vaguely and looked over his shoulder at Sebastian. "Prepare tea once we're in, Sebastian."
The butler bowed.
….
Stepping past Sebastian who was holding the door open, Ciel strode into the entrance hall. "How may I help you, Aunt?" He laid his gaze on the Midfords who had turned, alerted to his return. Ciel's eye briefly flickered behind them only to find himself looking at Bard's and Meyrin's bare foreheads and cringed inwardly, knowing what had happened in his absence.
Estella, however on the other hand, only had her eyes on the older Midford, feeling nervous to be meeting the intimidating woman once again as she tailed after Ciel. She had never forgotten the first time they met.
"Ciel, are you okay?" Estella tore her gaze away at that to see Elizabeth rushing over, eyebrows flattened with concern. Estella swore she felt a flash of bitterness when the young Midford threw her arms around the boy in front of her, pulling the surprised Earl into an embrace.
Why am I… Estella averted her gaze from the couple before her and looked at her feet, growing angry at herself for feeling disturbed by the scene. They are ENGAGED, stupid! No need to feel weird about this. Sucking in a deep breath, Estella forced herself to look up again to see that Elizabeth had moved away to inspect Ciel who looked puzzled by her strange question.
"I heard you were at the hospital." Francis who was watching her daughter's reunion with Ciel, stepped forward. "What happened? You ought to be more…" Estella froze when Francis's stern green eyes suddenly flickered past them and landed on her.
Feeling small under her powerful gaze, Estella did not know what to do but to awkwardly flash the woman a polite smile but was returned with narrowing eyes.
"Don't tell me this girl is still following you around, Earl Phantomhive." Francis finally broke the eye contact and glanced over to Ciel. "I told you she was incompetent for this job, didn't I? Look at you, coming back from the hospital?"
"Mother…" Elizabeth looked at her mother, wishing that the woman could be gentler with her words.
"Step aside, Elizabeth."
"But-"The stern gaze on her mother's face made Elizabeth close her mouth. With a sigh, the young Midford did what she was told, not wanting to anger her displeased mother.
Francis turned away from her daughter and glared over at Estella who jolted upright. "Overestimating yourself, aren't you? You should have stepped down from your bodyguard job on that day. See what happened to your master! Hospitalized?"
Estella felt her insides boiling at the sight of the accusing look directed at her. She could not keep quiet any longer. "It wasn't-"
"Your master is betrothed to my daughter. Do you think I'm going to let someone incompetent guard my son-in-law and risk the future of the Phantomhives?"
Estella's eyes widened for a moment and saddened as those words rang in her mind. "I-I'm…" She could feel a prickle at the back of her eyes as her heart sank. Those words somehow had the ability to diminish her will to defend herself. "…s-sorry." Estella lowered her head dejectedly, she could feel her throat swelling with the presence of tears. "I-I will train myself to be stronger, I promise…"
In the meanwhile, Ciel who was watching, stared in disbelief at his servant who had suddenly become uncharacteristically quiet. He was expecting her to put up a fight over the accusation.
Sorry? That idiot, why didn't she correct her? Huffing in bewilderment, Ciel squared his shoulders and stepped forward, deciding that he had enough.
"You got it wrong."
Estella snapped her mouth close at the interruption and lifted her head to the voice with a dumbfounded look, to find Ciel stepping between them, facing the glaring woman with a scowl. Like he was trying to shield her from his aunt's glare.
"It was her who was hospitalized, not me." Estella stared at the young man before her, eyes wavering with surprise. "She got shot while protecting me. It could have been me on a hospital bed instead, if not for her."
Gasps could be heard from Elizabeth, Meyrin and Bard who were standing quietly at the side.
"Shot?" Francis slewed her eyes behind her nephew and eyed Estella, glare flattering slightly. "Is that true?"
Meeting her eyes, Estella nodded weakly. "Yes, it's true."
"Hmm…" Francis's face relaxed ever so slightly at her answer before it steeled to her usual stern face as she turned to Ciel. "It's good to know that your servant had done a great job taking the bullet for you, Earl Phantomhive, but is it necessary to step in front of her like this? If she wants to apologize, let her do so-"
"I apologize for the interruption," A deep voice belonging to Sebastian who had been watching for a while, intruded. "The tea is ready to be served." The butler's red eyes gleamed with amusement as he made a bow to the Midford woman. "Allow me to escort you to the study, my lady."
Ciel looked at Sebastian, silently thankful for his appearance, before turning back to his aunt. "Let's talk in my study."
Estella watched the woman who tugged a loose blond strand behind her ear and looked at Ciel with a sigh. "Fine, to your study then." Francis's eyes narrowed. "But before that, do something about that indecent hair of yours!" She shot the butler a look of disapproval, planting a hand on her hip with an expectant look."And you too, Sebastian!"
"It'll be done, but let's head upstairs first." Ciel sighed. "Sebastian." He glanced over to the butler with a pointed look.
"This way please." Sebastian bowed at his waist toward Francis who still held disapproval on her face and started toward the stairs.
"Hmm!"
Estella took a step back to let the Midford woman past and watched her stalk after Sebastian, annoyance showed in the way her feet stomped across the marble floor. "Come on, Elizabeth." The woman looked over her shoulder at Elizabeth who still had not moved, seemingly little hesitant to follow.
"Just do what you can to help around the manor, Blancbaston." Startled, Estella turned in time to see Ciel brush past her shoulder, his gaze fixed on his aunt ahead. She watched Ciel follow the fuming woman calmly, taking long, casual strides to get across the stairs.
Watching Ciel with racing heart, her stiff shoulders fell as she looked down with a deep sigh.
Elizabeth who had started walking to follow Ciel, spared a glance over her shoulder at Estella with a concerned frown. The young Midford's green eyes were wavering with hesitation. The words in her head were fighting to be spoken; she simply couldn't quell them.
Glancing back at her fiance's retreating back, Elizabeth sucked in a breath and turned around, at last deciding that she will speak her mind.
"Estella!"
Ice blue eyes widened in surprise and flickered up, blinking in confusion at the approaching Midford. "Lady Elizabeth…" Estella tilted her head questioningly at the blond girl who had stopped before her.
"I…" Elizabeth's eyes flickered up to meet Estella's puzzled face with gratitude. "Thank you for protecting for Ciel." A smile broke across Elizabeth's face at the surprised look that took its place on the redhead's. "Get well soon, okay?"
"I-"
"Elizabeth!" Both girls turned to see that Ciel had paused in his stride and was looking at them with a frown.
"Coming, Ciel!"
Estella glanced over to Elizabeth who flashed her another smile and dashed off, watching her retreating back with a smile. But the smile did not last. The moment she saw Elizabeth fall in step beside Ciel and linked arms with him, another pang hit her in the chest. A hollow and sick feeling gradually filled her stomach as she continued watching them.
"Your master is betrothed to my daughter. Do you think I'm going to let someone incompetent guard my son-in-law and risk the future of the Phantomhives?"
As soon as Estella thought of those words, she felt her lips trembling and tears stinging the back of her eyes. An intense desire tinted with sadness she could not control suddenly filled her as she stared after them. What-Why am I… Estella realized with a jolt and pressed her lips together to stop their trembles.
No way…
Her hand flew to the left of her chest and clutched onto her shirt, like she was in pain. Raising her head, Estella locked her gaze onto Ciel with a pained look.
Since when did I start looking at you 'that' way?
….
Ice blue eyes belonging to no other but Estella stared into the darkness, wearing a scowl in the depth of them. It was already night, way too late into the night for her to be wide awake, but she just could not fall asleep.
The words spoken by Francis Midford, Elizabeth and Ciel, and her feelings toward Ciel were all she thought about the whole day. They intensified the moment she settled herself onto the bed. It was impossible to sleep with them running around her head like this.
"No! No!" Estella clutched onto her hair in frustration and tossed for umpteenth time. "This won't do! WRONG!" Realization of her own feelings toward her master just did not sit well with her. "No…I can't." She stared out at the window, her voice reducing to a half whisper.
An image of Ciel and Elizabeth linking arms from the afternoon flashed in her mind.
"…I'm not good enough for him. I have nothing to give him." Her voice was small as ever, barely a breath. "I worth nothing, just a weapon. No family, no actual home, no place in this world….nothing." Estella curled in on herself, wrapping her arms around her chest, as if she could make herself small enough to vanish completely.
She hated how she was pitying and loathing herself, but she just could not stop. Her emotions were spiraling down uncontrollably.
"Phantomhive," The first tear rolled down her cheek. "Why didn't you leave me to die in SIGMA? Why waste your time rushing me to the hospital?" Her voice cracked as more tears poured out from her eyes. "Can't you see I am someone not worth saving?"
The same image of Ciel and Elizabeth linking arms flashed in her mind once again.
"I have no future to begin with. How can a weapon have one?" Her body trembled as she let out a sob. "I'm so pathetic…" Estella scrubbed fiercely at the tears that had spilled out of her eyes and climbed off the bed, walking dejectedly toward the door.
An empty, quiet hallway greeted her when she stepped out of her room. Through the windows, the soft glow of the moonlight lit the hallway, allowing easy maneuvering even in the deepest hour of the night.
Staring down the hallway, Estella began to walk down it, thinking about the tiny balcony she occasionally visited some nights. It was just a few doors down the hall.
Wiping her tears away with her sleeve, she leisurely continued strolling down the hallway, passing doors as she did. He must be asleep already…Estella wondered as she passed a certain boy's room. Lucky him…He doesn't need worry about stupid, burdensome feelings. Unlike me.
Estella let out a bitter sigh and averted her eyes away, slowing down when she saw herself approaching her destination.
Tomorrow is going to be hell-
She forced herself to a halt right before the balcony door and stared, eyes widened at the person standing out on the balcony. P-P-Phantomhive? Her hand flew and clammed over her mouth in the midst of a gasp.
Within the rectangular perimeter of the balcony, still oblivious to her presence, stood Ciel Phantomhive clad in an untucked button-down shirt and black knee-length pants, staring out with an unreadable face.
….
Ciel closed his eyes to a gentle breeze which blew by, inhaling its freshness deeply. On sleepless nights like this, he would leave his room and gaze out on this balcony. Usually sleep would come easier after that, but not tonight.
"Your master is betrothed to my daughter. Do you think I'm going to let someone incompetent guard my son-in-law and risk the future of the Phantomhives?"
His aunt's words to Estella had struck him hard and left him utterly disturbed. They made him feel…dead. So empty and somewhat…dreadful. The idea of his engagement to Elizabeth just suddenly did not sit well with him anymore and he knew why.
The random girl he had picked up in the midst of his job, the servant who carried a fiery spirit, a mere pawn which he had brought into his life to entertain himself…
He found it unbelievable how she had managed to somehow take up a place as another priority, second to his revenge, and how he could do nothing about it. For once in his life, Ciel Phantomhive had no idea what to do, not a single clue.
Exhaling heavily, Ciel opened his eyes and look up at the sky again, enjoying the tranquility of the night.
"Why aren't you sleeping yet, Phantomhive?" Ciel tensed, eyes springing wide in shock. Who would still be up at this hour? He snapped his head to his left and who he saw next to him sent his heart racing.
What is she doing here…?
"Mind if I join you?" Estella looked up at the young Earl's shocked face nervously and found herself staring at his bare face, realizing that it was already her third time seeing the Faustus mark in his right eye.
Ciel cleared his throat. "Go ahead." He watched Estella nod and step forward to lean onto the balcony railing with her folded arms on it, like he was doing now. "Can't sleep?"
"Yeah." Estella nodded and turned away to look at the outside.
Taking her reply as it was, Ciel did the same, and silence settled comfortably between them. Each was drifting into their thoughts as they gazed over the railing at the night sky until…
"You should have just let me die back in SIGMA."
Ciel glanced over at her, astonished. "What?"
Estella's gaze was fixed on the sky. "There was no need to rescue me. It was not worth risking your life for me, you know?" She could feel him watching her, feel his gaze like a weight on her. "You should have just forgot about me when they took me back."
Beneath her calm demeanor, she could almost feel her own heart breaking, the emotions that tormented her back in the darkness of her room coming back to her and bitterness in her mouth.
Ciel's robin blue eyes wavered with bewilderment at her words. He could not believe what he was hearing. What's with her? Ciel stiffened, his mouth tightening.
"You should have ran when I was fighting that guard." Irritation shot through Ciel as she continued on, "Like this, you don't need to make a trip to the hospital and waste money on my bills-"His hands flew to her shoulders and forcibly spun her to face him.
Gasping in surprise at the sudden movement, Estella visibly shrunk back under his furious gaze the moment she was turned to him, staring back in shock. "What…"
"Enough, stop talking like this." Ciel's eyes were bright with anger and something else. "I do not regret my choice, understand?" His breath hissed through his teeth in exasperation.
"But I do!" Estella knocked his hands off her shoulders and raised her chin to look him dead in the eyes with jaw set. "I'm feeling regretful over your choice!" She, realizing she was almost shouting, lowered her voice with effort. "Every single one of them."
An icy hand closed around his heart at her declaration. "Is it about what my aunt said this afternoon?" Ciel stared at her, eyes wide and dark. "Is that the reason why you're sprouting all these nonsense?"
A perplexed furrow appeared between Ciel's eyebrows.
"I'm not sprouting nonsense! These 'nonsense' are the truth, and so are your aunt's words." Estella found herself staring up at Ciel through a wavering lens of tears and blinked them away. "Why did you, Earl of the Phantomhive and the Queen's Watchdog, risk your life diving into SIGMA just to save me who is nothing?"
Ciel stared at the tears that rolled down her cheeks, stunned. He said nothing. His voice seemed to have fled the moment he saw them.
"What if something happened to you? Estella felt her lips tremble, her cheeks wet with tears. "What is going to happen to the Phantomhives? What about Lady Elizabeth? Why didn't you think carefully about that-"
"You're an idiot, you know," Her eyes rose sharply to Ciel who had turned away and slammed his hands down on the railing, glaring out. "You're the BIGGEST idiot I have ever known. Beating yourself over this, don't be ridiculous." Ciel said, a touch of impatience creeping into his voice.
"But-"
"I said I hate liars."
Estella snapped her mouth shut at that, and stared with an astonished look at his sudden declaration.
"So… The young earl's eyes were still on the sky. "…if I were to say I love Elizabeth more than a cousin, then I would be hating myself." Ciel's voice was crisp and cool. "…And if I were to say I want to be engaged to her, I would be a liar." Behind his words held something she couldn't identify.
A confused frown appeared on her face. What is he talking about? Estella did not dare to interrupt him even though she was brimming with questions. And why about this?
"But do you know the reason why?" His robin blue eyes glanced over and met hers with something powerful behind them. "It was all because of the BIGGEST idiot who is standing next to me right now."
Silence.
Huh? Estella blinked dumbly at Ciel, mind churning hard. Biggest idiot…who?
Estella's eyes flew wide when the Earl suddenly faced her with that tense, meaningful look in his eyes. "Oh." So I'M that biggest idiot? When Estella realized that his gaze was completely focused on her, her heart raced and her body froze. Whoa, whoa…hold on!
Before she could even move to take a step away, she felt fingers digging roughly into her long, red hair and scraping against her scalp. Next, she found herself being pushed closer to Ciel, eyes wide as she watched his face drew closer.
Their lips touched.
The pair belonging to him was pressed lightly against hers and they stayed on. Flustered by the sudden touch on her lips, her hands tried to move but they were tightly sandwiched between the two of their chest.
Phan-Phantomhive?! Wha-What is this– Her will to push him away evaporated when she felt his hand cupping the back of her head push them closer. Why…
Ciel was surprised when he felt her lips relax under his. He wasn't quite sure what he was doing kissing her, but he was going to let his racing heart win all rational thoughts. It was just him and his feelings.
Estella was dimly aware of the hand that had placed itself on the small of her back. For some reason, she felt whole and safe in the arms that embraced her. It felt…right. This was a lot different from the kiss she had regretfully shared with Brandon. They were different in many ways. Unlike the other where she was uneasy and out of place, she never wanted this one to end.
Inhaling sharply, Ciel tentatively and ever so softly pushed her lips apart. Startled, she nearly bit down on his invasive tongue which had slid past them so suddenly. Feeling his tongue prod hers, her hesitations started fading away and willed her tongue to move with his, which she eventually did, deepening the kiss.
It was a sweet, tentative dance between two tongues and two pounding reluctant hearts, but this eventually ended when Ciel made a move to pull away. The world that seemed to have slowed down caught up as they stared wordlessly at each other's flushed faces. Their raspy breathing mingled with each other as they stayed in each others' arms.
Silence lasted for a moment, before Ciel spoke.
"You're worth more than you think. Don't you ever dare question my choice again." He started calmly, despite his still racing heart. "This is an order you must absolutely obey." Tearing his eyes away from the girl, he glanced up at the dark sky, stepping back. "I had lost many precious people. So many of them."
The young Earl turned and walked toward the door as if to head back in, but paused partway. "Don't be one of them." When Ciel glanced over his shoulder at her, she swore she saw a flash of desperation in his eyes. "Please, I don't wish to lose another."
With shaky breath, Estella watched Ciel turn and went back in, still not believing what just happened.