"Logan," Max said over the phone. He'd had labs done earlier in the week to check everything and had another PET Scan. "I have the results from all of your tests." He expected the usual - low ANC, no spread. "You've relapsed," the man said. "I'm sorry. When you come in next week, we can go over your options." He hung up the phone, his mind going a mile a minute. The cancer was back.
He didn't even know what he was doing when he grabbed the bottle and threw it across the room. He vaguely heard it shatter as he fell back onto the couch. He didn't know how long he'd been sitting there when the door opened, but he paid no attention. He heard her say his name, but he couldn't think of anything other than the fact he was dying. A hand landed on his shoulder, a part of him wanting to jump but the dominant part keeping him still.
She knelt in front of him and took his hands. He didn't realize he'd been shaking until her hands steadied his. He could hear her talking, but not quite making out the words. His ears were ringing. He was dying.
"Is it…? Are you... ?" He couldn't answer. He couldn't bring himself to say it out loud. All he could do was let out a sob as the tears stung his eyes again. He was dying. He was dying. He was dying. The thought ran through his head over and over again. He was dying.
She led him to the bed where he laid down, holding onto her. He could feel her hands in his hair and on his arm. It felt like if he let her go, he'd float off. Eventually, he fell into a fitful sleep.
A few hours later, he woke up with a pounding headache. Rory was curled into him and he could see the tears still on her face. He wanted to believe the day before was all a dream, a horrible nightmare, but when it all came flooding back, he knew it was real. He knew that this was really happening. He knew that he was dying again, and that it was really going to happen this time.
He didn't want to move, he didn't want to wake her up and have her face reality. He could barely face it himself, so why would he subject her to that as well? He just held her close, breathing her in. He knew that despite the millions of thoughts in both their heads, one was close to the surface.
He didn't want Rory to be forced to raise their child alone. He knew she wouldn't be completely alone, and he also knew that she knew this as well. But in reality, she may as well be. When she talked about being raised by her mother, she used the word 'alone' despite the entirety of Stars Hollow backing them because it was just her and her mom, not her and her dad. It would be similar for their child. Despite all the love they would receive, Rory would be alone.
With this thought, came the sudden realization of something that should have been done a long time ago. He separated himself from Rory, grabbing his phone and walking to the bathroom. With the door closed, he called a familiar number.
"It's two in the morning. Somebody better be dying," Colin said groggily. Logan smiled to himself, but knew he was on a mission. There was so much he had to deal with, and now it seemed like with time so limited, it had to be done right this minute.
"I need you to help me write my will," Logan told him, coming out with it straightforward. "The cancer's back, Colin, and I need to do this." He heard his friend groan in a mixture of sadness and frustration. He understood how early it was, but time was just a social construct if you thought about it the right way.
"Come by the office in the morning. I'll get there at seven," Colin responded. A hint of annoyance lingered in his voice, but surely that was just because it was so early.
"Since when does McCrae have an office?" It was weird to think of them as growing up. Logan had a wife and a child. Colin had a good job at his father's firm while going to law school. Finn was actually starting to get serious about his father's hotel business - although he still partied hard. They were all growing up. He heard the phone line go dead and he sat the phone down on the counter.
He closed his eyes, allowing himself to lean on the counter as he took deep breaths. This reality wasn't what he wanted. He didn't want to be dying. He didn't want to have a wife and a child who would be mourning him. He didn't want his future to be ripped away by something as horrible as cancer. He didn't understand why it had to be him. Out of everybody, why did it have to be him? But he realized that it could have been Rory. He couldn't bear to watch her waste away. It could have been Honor, Finn, Colin, his list could go on of people who this could have been happening to and who he couldn't bear to watch die. He couldn't bear the idea of that possibility, and he didn't understand how they were holding up. When he finally pushed those thoughts out of his mind, he made his way back to the bedroom, laying next to Rory. Holding her close, he allowed himself to sleep.
When he woke again, he found himself alone with a note on her pillow. Went to Stars Hollow to see my mom. Need to clear my head. I love you. See you tonight. Ace. He smiled, but was sad at the same time. He knew that this was a lot of her to take in, and he could understand her need to clear her mind. But he wished it wasn't that way.
He got dressed in khakis and a tshirt. He threw on his jacket before making his way to the garage. He made himself think of his meeting with Colin before he got there. He made himself think of all the things he needed to situate. He wasn't quite sure what he needed to do exactly, but that's what Colin did. When he arrived, he made his way to Colin's office.
"I'm here to see Mr. McCrae," Logan said to the receptionist with a smile.
"Third door on the left," she told him with a smile. He could see why Colin hired her, with the blonde hair and the well-endowed chest. "And if you need anything, let me know," she continued with a wink, smile, and a twirl of the hair. He turned away with a roll of the eyes as he made his way to Colin's office. When he walked in, Colin was writing in a legal pad.
"Hey, long time no see," Logan told him, sitting in one of the chairs in front of the desk. Colin finished writing before looking up with a smile.
"Since your wedding, right?" Logan just nodded, knowing it was true. "So, let's get started. A few simple things - beneficiary, executor, and special requests. Pretty much, your will divides your assets how you'd want." Colin finished explaining. "So, how do you want to split your stuff?" He didn't have to think about it, not really.
"I want everything to go to Rory," he said. "The apartment, the house, the money. I want to set up an account for the baby. Obviously, not like a trust fund. Ace would flip a lid if I set up a trust fund. I want to set up a small amount that will build upon itself." It made sense to him. Not exactly a trust fund, but not nothing.
"The house?" Colin asked. Mental hand to face imagery. He hadn't told anybody what he'd done.
"Yeah," he said, dragging it out. "I kind of, maybe, sort of bought us a house. It's in Middlefield about fifteen minutes from Stars Hollow, but close enough to Hartford. I haven't told her about it yet. I wanted to surprise her." He saw Colin writing it down.
"Congrats, man," his friend then told him. "The infamous Logan Huntzberger finally settling down. She has you whipped, man." Logan just laughed, leaning back. He missed his friend. Too long had gone by. And now, without that much time, it made him seem to like it more. His phone started ringing, Ace flashing across the screen.
"Damn. Told you, whipped," Colin joked as he answered the phone.
"Logan?" the voice asked. He knew it wasn't Rory. He knew it was her mom, and it sounded like she'd been crying. "I need you to get to Hartford Medical. It's Rory." He dropped the phone from his hand as he stood up.
"Can you get it all typed up? Okay, thanks." With that, he walked out despite Colin calling his name. The worst thoughts raced through his mind, not sure what he was going to do. He couldn't lose her. He couldn't.
When he walked into the waiting room, he saw Lorelai sitting there with her head in her hands. When she looked up, he saw she'd been crying. Not sure what to do, he walked over and sat next to her. Her hand reached out and grabbed onto his.
"Lorelai, what happened?" he asked as she squeezed his hand. He still had worst case scenarios running through his head.
"We were walking through town and we were talking. She told me about you and your relapse. I was telling her about how me and Luke decided we're going to try and fix us. She was so scared." The elder Lorelai squeezed her eyes shut with a shuddering breath.
"Mr. Huntzberger," a woman said, walking into the room. He looked up. The woman was a doctor and she stood there with a clipboard. "Come with me." He stood, separating his hand from Lorelai's. The doctor led him to a separate room where he sat down.
"I'm Doctor Grant and I've been taking care of your wife. When she came in, her blood sugar was very high which caused her to become exhausted to a point. We've diagnosed her with gestational diabetes. She needs to eat healthy, avoid any caffeine - which should have been done as soon as she became pregnant - and to monitor her blood sugar."
"Can I see her?" he asked, calming down a little bit. She wasn't dying, but he had to see her. Doctor Grant nodded, leading him out of the room and down the hall. Rory was laying in the hospital bed with a gown. She was hooked up to an IV, but she was asleep. She was okay and he could see it, but why did it seem like things weren't okay?
A/N: Hope this explained a little bit. I find some humor in the different responses I got. Those who were confused and those who understood. It's okay to hate me, I promise. You'll probably end up hating me anyway. The stuff at work is getting better. I work in a restaurant and it was a serious knife injury, so we're slowly moving forward. I'm slowly being able to forget what I saw that night. It's going to be translating into this story soon I will tell you that. I use this as my escape, so I'm hoping to be able to process through my writing. As usual, enjoy and review. I love reading them from you all.