This is sadly one of the last chapters for LTLTI, but at the same time, it is time for it to come to an end. I'm not going to go into the whole 'thank you' rant yet, mostly because I'll start to cry if I do it now and not later, but surely you can understand. Anyways...I'm trying to keep this short, so without further ado, here is Chapter 48!

Also, I hope you all had a very Merry Christmas, or a Happy Hanukkah if that's what you celebrate, and a very happy new year!

Disclaimer: I do not own the Divergent Trilogy.

Chapter 48

Tris's POV

I should be calm.

I have nine friends (Oliver had requested to be here as well, and I agreed under the condition that he would finally man up and call Sam), my older brother, and the closest thing I have to a mom beside me. All eleven of them are here. For me. All of them are supporting me; all of them understand why they're here; all of them know exactly what it is that I'm going to be dealing with; all of them are here for me. It's something I can't quite wrap my head around.

Zeke and Uriah were trying their best to put a smile on everyone's faces, especially mine. And, dare I say it, it worked. The Pedrads had a certain way of creating laughter in any given situation—it was something I was grateful for now. Because while you could still feel the tension and anticipation of what was to come in the room, it wasn't as tangible as before. And, not only was I laughing and smiling, but I also had a certain someone tracing slow, smooth patterns along the palm of my hand.

Lexi and my lawyer, Lysandra, a lovely woman that I couldn't help but get along with, both told me that my case was very strong, especially with Eric's guilty plead for the other charges. They had plenty of evidence, including that damned video that I still couldn't bring myself to delete, to convict Eric on the charge of rape and some other charges that I won't bother to name. They told me that this should be a pretty quick case, 'in-and-out' they called it, and that they understood I would be stressed because, let's face it, there was no way I wouldn't be, but that I shouldn't over-worry.

In other words, I should be calm.

I am not calm.

Each unsteady breath I take makes me want to scream; my heart is pounding so quickly that I'm sure it's bound to beat right out of my chest; my stomach is twisting and turning with a ferocity that is hardly known to me; my fingers are shaking in Tobias's clutch on them; my lip is bleeding from where I've been biting at it; and, last but not least, my legs are numb—though that might be because of the amount of time I've been sitting on this wooden bench.

Any time now those doors will open and it will be time for me to finally face the ghost of my past. One of them, anyway. I will have to look into those blue-green eyes that haunt me with every turn, that find their way into my dreams more often than I'd like to admit. I will have to be strong—stronger than I have ever been. But I'm on a clock. I can't be strong forever. It's a fact that I'm going to fall apart; the only thing I'm not sure of is when that will be.

I take a deep, shaky breath in the hope that it will relieve some of the pressure on my chest. It works for a few moments as I reach the peak of my inhale, but as I exhale I can feel the tightness forming again, constricting the amount of air I can get in and out of my lungs. Then a thought occurs to me.

"How am I supposed to walk?" I wonder out loud, but luckily everyone else is too caught up in the punchline of some joke Zeke is telling to notice. Everyone but Tobias, that is.

The man in question chuckles despite the seriousness of my question. He places a kiss on my temple and says just loud enough for me to hear, "I think you'll be surprised at what you can do."

"I wish that were the case," I mumble, watching his slender fingers run along the lines of my palm.

"You'll be okay," is all he says in return.

I roll my eyes. "Thanks for the advice," I say with the most amount of sarcasm I can gather.

He chuckles again. "Did you want me to tell you to stand and put your right foot forward, then your left, then your right, then your-"

"All right, all right, I get it," I interrupt and can't help but smile a little. "You'll be there the whole time?"

"I'd sooner wet myself than leave," he says with a glint in his eyes.

I burst into a fit of laughter, my breaths coming and going in short gasps. "Please don't," I manage to get out.

He laughs and pulls me into his side, resting his cheek on the top of my head. I release a breath and close my eyes, trying to drown out the sound of my racing pulse in my ears. "I miss having you next door," I murmur.

He sighs. "Me too. But you'd kick my ass if I ever went back."

"Damn right I would." He chuckles. "Can you be honest with me?" I ask with a smirk that he can't see.

"Of course," he answers.

"How many times in the past month have you contemplated how best to get away with your best friends' murders?"

He sharply laughs, causing a few heads to turn toward us, but they quickly look away as they see that it's a private conversation. Little do they know it's hardly anything serious.

"If it were a perfect world and I was a perfect person, I wouldn't have lost track already."

This time it's my turn to laugh. "God bless Hana for raising those two children."

"Seventeen and a half years and I still don't know how she does it," Tobias muses.

"Really, though," I say. "In all seriousness, how are you?"

"I'm good. Great, actually," he says. "I'm better than I have been in a long time."

I smile. "Good. I'm happy for you." We sit in silence for a few minutes. "Can you believe Christmas is this Saturday?"

Tobias shakes his head from atop mine. "It's ridiculous that it's only four days away. But, hopefully, this will all be cleared up by then."

I sigh. "Hopefully. It would be nice if I didn't have to worry about it while I'm opening gifts."

"If it isn't over by then, we should at least have a good idea on which way it'll fall."

There was the 'what if' factor that I am so afraid of: What if it goes wrong? What if no one believes me? What if Eric's lawyer is better than mine? What if I stumble over my words and it's used against me? What if we have to appeal the case?

What if he's found innocent?

I take another deep breath, temporarily helping the constriction of my chest. Before I can say anything, though, Lysandra exits the closed doors and makes eye contact with me, smiling as comfortingly as possible. I straighten, my eyes looking not to hers but to the ones directly behind her, shining with a dark malice that only one person could be capable of creating. But instead of it making me want to throw up, or make it even unnerve me, it fills me with anger and determination. And while my heart still pounds and my fingers still shake, my legs regain feeling and it is suddenly easier to breathe. I don't look away from the black pits; I keep eye contact with Eric until he's forced to have his back turned as he enters the courtroom that will decide his fate. Decide my fate.

"Are you ready?" Lysandra asks me, taking a few steps closer and holding out a hand to help me up.

I take her hand, not quite registering the silence that's fallen around me, and stand. Tobias stands and places a hand on the small of my back. Christina takes a step closer and takes my hand. Caleb is the next to come, and he lays a hand on my shoulder. The others follow, and soon I have eleven hands touching me. But it doesn't feel overwhelming, and I don't feel like squirming away. In fact, it makes me smile and fills my veins with liquid fire, and the heartbeat I've been unable to drown out of my ears all day fades into nothingness, and I can hear clearly again.

"I'm ready."

One Day Later

Today is the day I testify. It's the day I've been dreading for ages now, ever since I uttered the words, I'm not going to drop the charges.

I should be listening to the court proceeding, but Lysandra promised to nudge me for the important parts if she saw my mind got away from me. She said not to worry about it, that it could be used to our advantage if I were to be caught being visibly affected by Eric's presence like this. I wish she knew that I didn't want to let my mind get away from me. Even if it does help us, help me, I hate showing signs of weakness. Because while it may help me in getting Eric locked away for an even longer amount of time, it also shows that he won. And I don't ever want him to get that idea. I refuse to lose.

Although, in some ways, Eric has already won.

I'm not talking about the case, thank God. The case luckily seems to be going our way, and though I hate sympathy, I will definitely tolerate the sympathetic looks I'm receiving from most, if not all, of the jury. It's the sympathy outside of the courtroom that I won't tolerate, and sadly a few people had to learn that the hard way yesterday.

I'm talking about the nightmares, the hauntings, the memories of my past that I'll never escape nor erase. I'm talking about the unsureness of how I'm ever supposed to find the parts of me that he took long ago. I'm talking about my newfound fears, the constant flinches at any sudden and unexpected movements. And, most of all, I'm talking about how he made it possible for my parents' deaths to not be the worst things that have happened to me.

A small nudge of my leg brings me out of my reverie, and I try to look as unbothered as possible as I look around, acting like I'd been listening the whole time. I'm not sure if it works. An elder woman on the jury stand shoots me a sympathetic glance and I wince—it must have been obvious I wasn't listening.

"It is now time for Beatrice Prior to take the stand."

I take a deep breath. I manage not to trip on the way to the podium, and I long to sit back down where my shaking will not be visible. Lysandra is supposed to ask me questions first; I see it as a type of warmup. A practice test before the real test. I can stumble a little bit here and there and be fine, but as soon as I stumble in front of Eric's lawyer, even if it's just one word, I'm as good as done.

With that thought in mind, I step up and take the oath, looking into Eric's eyes for three seconds before turning my attention to Lysandra. Three seconds—one for the innocence he took from me, one to say that he will not get away with what he did, and one to show him that I'm no longer afraid. Not anymore.

And for one second, one single second, I see something in his eyes falter.

One Day Later

"Don't be so nervous," Lysandra whispers. "Look at him. That is the look of someone who knows they've lost."

I almost blurt out that I don't really care what his look is or how she translates it, but I stop myself at last minute. It isn't Lysandra's fault that I'm so on edge.

The jury left twenty minutes ago to come to a decision. An agreement. A conviction. The third word sounds a lot scarier than the first and second, though, so I tend not to use it.

Twenty minutes of sitting, of waiting. I knew we were allowed to talk, but I've stayed silent. I listen, though. I listen to the voices I know so well a few rows behind me, cracking jokes and forming a bubble of laughter around them. I even hear strangers laughing along with them. But I can't bring myself to stand up knowing that the next time I sit, Eric's sentence will be announced.

There. 'Sentence' doesn't sound so scary either. Maybe I'll use that.

I'd rather stay seated in my ball of nerves for however long it took for the jury to come back out, whether that be just a few more minutes or a few more hours, than get up and have to walk back to this stupid chair later. I may be brave, but I'm not that brave. Standing up equals suspense, and I don't do well with suspense. Suspense equals loss of control, and everyone who knows me knows that that would not end well. So, I'll stick with the jittery nerves for now.

"Whatever happens, thank you," I say to Lysandra. "For everything."

Lysandra smiles and takes my hand from underneath the table. "Thank you for showing me what it means to be strong."

My cheeks turn pink. My ears perk up at a rare yet certain noise, and I can't help but turn around in my chair to look. I spy him right away, a wide smile playing on his lips with the melodic and comforting sounds of his laugh escaping it. I smile for the first time since the jury left. Surely if Tobias could be laughing now, I could be a little less nervous.

Probably sensing my eyes on him, he turns his head and pierces my eyes with a look that makes me smile softer. My breath escapes me but in a good way. I think.

My smile drops the longer he stares, and not meaning to, I flick my gaze down to his lips. They turn downward slightly, and I feel his hurt radiate through me like the icy cold from this chair. I look back up to meet his eyes again, but they've already turned away, looking at Zeke as he tells some story and flails around like a prepubescent kid who has not yet adapted to his long limbs. Even I have to admit that it is entertaining, but I know that's not the reason Tobias turned away and it hits me like a blow.

Christina manages to catch my eye and grins at me, nodding toward the left of the room. I spin around at the sound of footsteps and watch, petrified, as the jury files in.

"Will the foreperson of the jury please stand?"

A middle-aged man from the jury takes a step forward at the judge's question.

"Have you reached a verdict?"

Well, there was that word too. But I, personally, still preferred 'sentence', or 'decision', or 'agreement'. Hell, I'd even take 'conviction' over 'verdict'. 'Verdict' makes everything sound so much more realistic, so much scarier. It sounds intimidating enough that it makes my nerves spark back to life, and I shift uncomfortably in my chair.

"Yes, your honor."

"Will the defendant please stand?"

The entire room is silent at this point except for the scraping of the two chairs opposite me as Eric and his lawyer stand, and it does nothing to help with my racing heart. I can feel my pulse all the way to my toes, where it pumps through and stops with a jolt only for the next round of rushing blood to come. I wiggle them to rid them of the tingling I feel. My fingers have already started going numb; I don't need my toes to join the party as well.

"You may read the verdict," the judge says once Eric and his lawyer have stood.

I can't help but make eye contact with the elder woman from yesterday, and, though I doubt she's supposed to, she just barely nods. Tears fill my eyes and my hands begin to shake before the man even speaks. Lysandra, who saw the interaction, grabs my hand, smiling.

"We find the defendant guilty on all charges."

A sob of relief escapes me as the room goes into an agreeing uproar. White noise fills my ears as a few tears escape and trickle down my cheek. But it wasn't over yet. Not yet.

"So say you all?" the judge asks.

"Yes, your honor," all twelve of them answer, and my heart does a little flip.

"Very well." The judge clears his throat. "On the charge of aggravated battery, the defendant shall be given 15 years in prison as a consecutive sentence on his previous offenses."

I wipe my eyes. Fifteen years. Years. I do not remember his previous sentence. Lexi told me, once, what it was. I wish I'd remembered now. I wish I had engraved it into my mind. But even with this sentence alone, I will be 32 before Eric is released. I could be married with a child or two by the time he is released. I could have a steady job and a nice house. I could be moving on by then. I could have already moved on.

I can hardly begin to try to understand that. And if that isn't reassuring, I'm not sure what is.

I sit still and straight as a board, watching the judge with wide eyes. I faintly register Lysandra's comforting hand on my shoulder as he says, "On the charge of aggravated sexual assault to the first degree, the defendant shall be given 20 years in prison as a consecutive sentence on his previous offenses."

I cover my mouth to disguise another sob as a loud thud caused by the judge's gavel reverberates through the room, going straight through me and rattling my bones.

"Court is adjourned."

A sudden movement to my left attracts my eyes. What I see makes me stand at long last and briskly walk out of the suffocating room. I push through the crowd of people flooding the center aisle, narrowly avoiding being jabbed by elbows and shoved to the ground. When I finally reach the doors, I start to run through the marble halls, my dress flying behind me as I reach a speed I didn't think was possible in heels.

I finally reach the doors and fling them open, ignoring the confused faces behind me. The bitter cold of December hits me and chills me to the bone, goosebumps rising on all patches of my skin. But I don't care, I don't care, I don't care.

I slip my heels off as I run down the stairs, only stopping when I reach the very bottom where I can breathe in the fresh air and not smell the mahogany and disinfectant scent anymore. I collapse into a sitting position, tossing the heels to the side and watching as a small scratch appears on the black plastic material.

Hopefully, Christina doesn't kill me for that.

Ignoring the few passersby, I sob into my hands, my body racking with cries of relief. Though, I still feel numb to a certain extent.

It feels as if I am in a dream, as if none of this is really happening, as if it couldn't have been this easy despite the fact that nothing, none of this was easy. Eric was to be in prison for years that I didn't feel like adding up or even thinking about. He was gone, gone for good, and I was free of him.

If this was a dream, I didn't want to wake up.

But if this were a dream, I don't think the cold would be this painful.

I move my hands from my mouth to my arms, clutching at them and hoping it would give me some semblance of warmth. And warmth I got. But not from my arms, or from the pitiful curling in of my tiny frame. It was from a suit jacket tossed carefully over my shoulders and a pair of arms wrapping me into an oh so familiar chest.

"You're going to freeze out here," Tobias murmurs as he pets my hair that's messily hanging in tendrils around my face instead of in the pins that were supposed to hold it up. I laugh through my tears and reach back to pluck the useless pins from my head. He chuckles and helps, putting the handful of pins into his pocket when they're all out.

"You left so quickly."

He says it like a fact, but I can hear the gentle prodding in his tone. I sigh and take a shaky breath, wiping my cheeks on his white button-up. "I...I couldn't be in there any longer."

He pulls back, cupping my face, his eyes searching mine. "Are you okay?"

"Eric is going to jail for what he did to me. I can finally make my peace with it. And it's over. All of it is over. I can move on," I say. "So, yes, I'm okay."

"Then, what's wrong?" he asks knowingly, his blue eyes staring into mine with caution.

I shake my head, pulling my face from his gentle hands and looking at the grass and sidewalk in front of me. "I don't know."

"You do know," he says with certainty.

I mirthlessly laugh. "He did horrible things to me. Horrible, unspeakable things. He made my life a living hell, and I'm only seventeen."

Tobias waits quietly, knowing that there's more to come.

"But in there...at the very end…" I trail off, looking at my lap and tugging at the jacket around me. I curl my toes, putting my feet together to preserve some of their heat. "He could have made this more painful. He could have dragged this out even longer with an appeal, and the Eric I know would have. He wouldn't have done it because he thought he might be found innocent—if that were the case, then he wouldn't have pleaded guilty to the other charges. No, he would have done it just to get a few more jabs in on me, to make sure that I knew that just because I had backed him into a corner didn't mean he couldn't inflict any more damage. He would have fought to the very end with everything he had."

"Tris," Tobias said softly enough to make me turn and look at him again. "What happened?"

My lip wobbles. "I looked over and saw his lawyer talking to him as he was put back in his handcuffs. I couldn't hear what he was saying, but it wasn't too hard to guess. But then I looked at Eric, and he looked at me, and he looked back at his lawyer and shook his head." I take a short, shaky breath. "He did horrible things, Tobias. But in that moment, I felt like it somehow made up for it. All of it. And I know it didn't. It doesn't. But I can't help but feel grateful toward him for that. In a way, it was like he was the Eric I once had a crush on when I was thirteen. And despite everything he's done, I'm glad that I got to see that Eric one more time. To reassure me that there was once a time he had a reason to be loved."

Tobias didn't reply after that. He didn't have to. He understood, and that was all I needed. He only wrapped an arm around my shoulders and watched the city traffic with me until the rest of our group found us, and then it wasn't just Tobias and I silently watching anymore.

It was everyone.

This is the second to last chapter...I'd really appreciate it if you would let me know what you thought of it! It's so hard to say that this story is almost over. Chapter 49 will be a sort of a pre-epilogue sort of chapter, and then the actual epilogue will come.

I know several of you are asking, and while it may seem like they are, Tris and Tobias are NOT together. Not yet, anyway...if you notice, there's a certain part in here that confirms that, and if that isn't enough for you, they also have not kissed since the long-loathed 'break'. If you don't believe me go ahead and do the research if you'd like! I hope that clears that up!

And yes, for any of you read the Throne of Glass series, Lysandra was a special tribute to it. And if you haven't read the series and are looking for a good read, I DEFINITELY RECOMMEND IT! It may have thrown me on a never-ending emotional rollercoaster ride, but I don't regret it. Any of it.

Anyhow, I still am not allowing myself to go past the normal amount of thank yous yet because that is something that will be saved for the end of the epilogue, so thank you, thank you, thank you! Your patience has been so comforting and I couldn't have asked for better readers! Your reviews always motivate me so much, and I can't thank you enough (although I will try)!

Until next time!...*cries because I can only say that once more after this*