Chapter 11

Lupin's decision

Monday morning the students who had sat quietly in the common room that Saturday, were now chatting and laughing as if months had passed since the Dementor attack. Nobody visiting the castle, unaware of the events of that weekend, could guess how the atmosphere had turned around overnight.

Judy yawned as she entered the Great Hall that morning. Her tired blue eyes were framed by dark circles and her hair, only half combed, was tied back in a pony tail because she'd been too exhausted to spend the proper attention to her look. She hadn't had any sleep over the weekend, which was only partly due to the knot in her stomach of facing Lupin in their DADA class on Tuesday. The other reason was because she had started to work on her large pile of homework, whenever she was able to concentrate. She worked fervently on finishing her essays for Transfiguration, Charms, Herbology and of course Potions in which she'd done more poorly in the past month than in all other courses.

However, despite having done her utmost to focus her attention on school work, Judy had only been able to do half of her essays properly, because her mind insisted on wandering to Sirius every ten minutes. She could only hope to get a sufficient grade for the others she'd done; she didn't have a lot of margin for her grades to drop any further…not with her goal of becoming an Auror.

'Dear Merlin, what did you come down with? You look like you could drop dead any minute...' Aidan looked at her amused as Judy reached her friends.

'Honestly,' Shania rolled her eyes. 'You do know that you have less social skills than a Troll?'

'Well, you,-'

'How about we try to go through one morning without you two bickering like a married couple?' offered Abigail annoyed. Aidan and Shania looked at her, both seeming slightly embarrassed.

'Did you get any sleep last night?' asked Willow quietly as Judy sat down next to her.

'Not much,' said Judy truthfully. 'Is there any coffee left...?' she said, looking at the empty bowls, plates and pitchers with a hint of regret.

'I'm afraid not,' said Willow apologetically. 'But I saved you this.' Willow handed her a sandwich. 'And you're going to have to eat it on the way to the dungeons, because we're running late,' said Willow as she got to her feet. 'Now come on, Chelsea and Connor already went ahead.' She took Judy by the arm and pulled her up from her seat.

'Goodbye to you too!' Aidan called after them, making Willow wave at him absently as they walked out of the Great Hall.

'Did you finish the essay?' asked Willow as they walked towards the small staircase leading to the dungeons.

'Yes, I finished it. You?' Judy asked, glancing sideways while they headed for the classroom.

'Me too. I hope I didn't screw it up…if my mother gets another letter before the end of term she won't let me come along to Austria,' explained Willow, her voice more tense than Judy had expected.

'You're going to Austria for Christmas?' asked Judy interested.

'Yes, a skiing holiday. My Mum wanted to try something new,' she said, rolling her eyes. 'Skiing is when,-'

'I know what skiing is,' said Judy with a smile.

'Oh right, I forgot you're a Muggle expert,' said Willow with a smile. 'I spent all afternoon yesterday explaining it to George and I'm still not sure he understands it.'

Judy laughed at Willow's tired expression, but her laughter soon faded as she met Snape's gaze while entering the dark and damp Potions classroom.

'How kind of you two to join us,' said Snape silkily as his eyes went from Judy to Willow. 'I will be deducting ten points from Ravenclaw for each of you, because of your tardiness.'

'But,-' Willow broke off as Judy grabbed her hand.

'Remember your holiday,' she said under her breath.

'Yes, Ms. Waters?' asked Snape dangerously.

'Nothing sir,' said Willow with the most even expression she could manage. Judy quickly pulled her along to their seats. Snape's gaze followed them, his eyes as always filled with loathing for the pair of them. Judy evaded his gaze as she took out her books and cauldron.

'Now, as I was saying before the interruption,' said Snape to the class at large. 'You will pass your essays to the front of the class. There will be no need to talk,' he added, his eyes resting on Willow.

Judy quickly searched the stack of parchment in her bag, drew out the right one and handed it to Connor, who sat in front of her. Snape walked past the student pairs who sat at the front and took the essays from them without a word. He walked over to his desk, laid down the stack of parchment and turned on his heel to face the class.

'As all of you spent this past week doing research for your, no doubt abysmal, essays,' said Snape, looking over the students and lingering a hint longer on Judy, who quickly turned away her eyes. 'I am sure none of you need instructions to produce me a phial of Everlasting Elixir.'

None of the students spoke as Snape looked at them maliciously. Even the Slytherin students, who usually felt quite at ease in Potions class, looked around nervously.

Chelsea seemed to be the first to recover as she hesitantly put her hand in the air. Snape looked at her with narrowed eyes before speaking. 'Yes, Ms. Keenan?'

'Do you mean we have to find out which ingredients to use ourselves, sir?' Snape nodded impatiently.

'What about the brewing time?' Judy quickly looked sideways as Willow spoke out of turn.

'Another ten points taken from Ravenclaw for your disrespect for the rules, Ms. Waters,' said Snape coldly.

'But there are different theories about how long the potion should brew, sir,' said Judy quickly, cutting across Willow who'd already opened her mouth to respond.

'And as I was saying, Ms Byrne, I am sure you all have done enough research to figure out which theory to follow,' said Snape silkily.

'But you said you thought our essays were abysmal,' retorted Judy, again just in time to keep Willow from speaking.

Snape smiled at her maliciously, clearly enjoying what he was about to say. 'That remark will cost Ravenclaw twenty points and I expect an essay about the theories concerning the brewing time of Everlasting Elixirs on my desk on Monday. Two rolls of parchment should suffice, I think.'

'Yes, sir.' Judy took Willow's hand as the other opened her mouth to protest.

Snape cast her a satisfied look. 'Now, I suggest all of you stop wasting time and start working on your potion. I will collect a phial from each of you at the end of the lesson. If you do not manage to produce anything decent, do not expect a pass grade for your essay.'

The Slytherin students quickly rushed toward the ingredients cabinet, while the two Hufflepuff students were deliberating what to do first. The single Gryffindor student quickly started searching his books for what do next. Connor and Chelsea turned in their seats to face Willow and Judy.

'He's being completely unfair,' whispered Connor, voicing everybody's thoughts.

'Well, as long as we try, he can't fail us all,' offered Judy.

'I'm not so sure,' said Chelsea weakly. Connor looked at her sympathetically.

'We'd better get started and use the time we have left effectively,' he offered, casting Chelsea a small smile which she returned. Judy turned to Willow as the other two started on their potion.

'We'd better get started too,' she offered, getting to her feet to walk over to the ingredients cabinet. 'I'll go get the ingredients I remember from the essay, you start searching the books in case there's anything I missed, OK?' Willow only nodded.

'Good,' she wanted to walk away from their desk but stopped as Willow put her hand on her arm. Judy looked at her, confused.

'Thanks,' said Willow in a whisper.

'Don't worry about it,' said Judy with a smile. 'Just promise me you'll try to bear him next time. I have enough homework without his extra assignments...'

'Yes, sorry about that. I'll try,' promised Willow. Judy cast her a smile and walked over to the ingredients cabinet as the Slytherin students hurried back to their table. She looked over the cabinet, taking sachets of powder and other components she remembered from her essay.

She turned on her heel, her arms laden with ingredients as she met Snape's eyes. He held a piece of parchment in his hands and looked at her with a mean, satisfied smile on his face. She tried to ignore her suddenly dry throat as she walked back to her desk.

She'd done all she could to make her essay as best as possible...Snape could have been grading any student's assignment, she thought firmly as she sat down next to Willow again and started on the potion Snape had set them.

&

Judy walked from the greenhouses to the castle the next day with even darker circles under her eyes than the day before. She'd done her best on her appearance that morning, strategically applying her foundation and fixing her hair properly by putting it up with several pins. But even make-up couldn't hide the effects the past week had had on her. She was near the point of exhaustion and she knew the conversation she'd be having with Lupin would cost even more of her energy.

'George told me Lupin was ill last Friday,' said Willow as she and Judy followed the others up the marble staircase. 'He said Snape took over his classes and acted very unreasonable.'

'You're surprised that Snape acted unreasonable?!' called Shania back over her shoulder.

'I didn't say…' Willow stopped talking as Shania laughed. 'Oh shut up,' said Willow amused. 'Do you think Snape will still be teaching?' asked Willow, glancing at Judy.

'What?' asked Judy absently, having missed nearly everything the others said.

'May be you should lie down for a while,' said Willow gently. 'I'll tell Lupin you're not feeling well, he'll understand.'

'No, I'm fine,' said Judy, her eyes fixed on the ground as she did her utmost to fight her fatigue and pick up her feet.

'OK,' said Willow, grabbing Judy's shoulder and making her stop in her tracks. 'I don't care how many times you say you're fine, you know you're bloody lying as well as I do. Homework is killing you and you really should rest.' She said firmly. Judy looked at her friend for a moment and sighed.

'OK, I'm not doing fine. I'm tired…no, I'm exhausted,' admitted Judy. 'But DADA is about the only course I'm not failing in and I have to go to class if I want to keep it that way,' she explained as she kept her eyes on Willow. 'All right?'

Willow waited a while before responding. 'Yes, all right,' she said, admitting defeat. 'But if you fall asleep in class, I'm not waking you…' she cast Judy an arched brow.

'Deal,' said Judy with a smile as they followed their fellow sixth year Ravenclaws up the marble stairs.

Judy slowed her pace as she reached the fifth floor corridor. She watched after her class mates as they entered the class room. Her stomach hurt and her head ached as the tension which had been raging through her body all morning now reached its peak. Her throat constricted with emotion as she realised what she was about to do…facing Lupin, telling him the truth, admitting how she'd lied to him, admitting how she'd betrayed his trust. She couldn't remember ever feeling so nervous about anything; then again this was probably one of the hardest things she had ever done.

Judy closed her eyes for a moment as the memory of the promise she'd made to Lupin came back to her mind.

'..you haven't seen him in such a long time and he might…he might ask you to help

him.'

'Remus,' Judy sighed as she leaned back against her pillow. 'I'm not stupid…I may believe he is innocent, but I won't be stupid enough to help him. I know he's a convicted felon.'

'Just promise me that if anything happens or he tries to contact you, you let me know straight away.'

She had promised, no matter how hard she tried to believe that she'd done the right thing; she knew she had broken her promise to her uncle.

'Are you OK?' Chelsea's voice withdrew her from her thoughts. The blond Ravenclaw looked at Judy from the classroom door.

'I'm...' Judy relaxed her fingers which had apparently been clenched into a fist without her realising it. 'I'm fine.' She nodded absently as she walked toward her classmate.

'Are you sure?' asked Chelsea softly as Judy passed her.

'Yes...it's just...I don't know how I did on that essay we had to hand in last week,' the lie came too easily once again.

'The one about Unforgivable Curses?' asked Chelsea sounding a bit surprised as they entered the classroom. 'But you took so many notes…'

Judy blocked out every word that followed. Her eyes were fixed on Lupin, who had his back turned to her. Even from behind Judy could tell the full moon hadn't treated him well. His faded grey vest hung more loosely around him than ever.

'If you would all take out your books please,' said Lupin in a weary voice as Judy and

Chelsea took their seats. Willow already sat with her book opened in front of her as Judy pushed aside Lupin's Fizzing Whisbees to take her books from her red shoulder bag.

'He still looks ill...' Shania whispered as she leaned back toward Willow.

Judy watched the exchange for a moment before looking up and meeting the eyes she'd been avoiding for weeks now. Lupin indeed looked ill. His usually pale skin was now almost as white as milk while dark circles featured more prominently than ever around his eyes.

'I'm afraid today's lesson will be a theoretical one,' said Lupin apologetically as he looked at them with the essays in his hand.

'Good,' Aidan spoke to Connor. 'Because he doesn't look like he'll even survive a Jelly Legs jinx.' Judy met Lupin's eyes for a moment, a pang of guilt nearly making her cringe as he smiled at her gently.

'We will spend most of the lesson discussing your essays, as there were some, let us say, misconceptions about the definition and effects of Unforgivable Curses…' Lupin cast a short glance at Aidan before walking around the room and handing back the pieces of parchment.

'I got an E(!)' said Shania excitedly, showing her parchment to Abigail who looked rather disappointed. There was a bright red A written on the top of her essay.

Chelsea, who sat alone at the desk next to Judy and Willow, clasped her hand in front of her mouth. The O drawn at the top of her parchment didn't need any further explanation.

Judy took her parchment from Lupin without meeting his eyes. She couldn't do anything but stare at the red P marking her essay. Willow waited for Lupin to walk on to Aidan and Connor before grabbing the essay from Judy's hands.

'How did you...' She fell silent as she scanned the parchment. 'For Merlin's sake Jude, you got this all wrong,' she whispered urgently. 'The Cruciatus Curse doesn't kill a person…and this...this entire paragraph is about jinxes(!).'

'I guess I mixed them up by accident,' offered Judy apologetically, taking the essay back from Willow's hands. She didn't need her best friend to rub in how she'd managed to screw up this badly in one of her best subjects.

'Now...' said Lupin as he'd handed all of them their essays back. 'Some of you have done rather well, others more poorly than I expected.' Judy didn't need to turn around to know his eyes were resting on her. 'As I was saying,' he said, walking to the front of the class, 'there were some misconceptions among you about Unforgivable Curses, which I think demand further attention so you won't report them on your NEWTs...' Judy pretended to be submerged in her essay as Lupin looked around the room.

'You'd be better off with a Disillusionment Charm,' whispered Willow with a smile.

'Let's see now…Mr. Kieran. How about we start with your interesting theory about how the Killing Curse doesn't really kill people but turns them into Inferi?' Shania and Willow simultaneously burst out laughing.

&

'I expect those of you who scored lower than an A to hand in your revised essays on

Thursday,' said Lupin as all of them started packing their bags. 'I trust you to use today's discussion to your advantage.'

'What about us, sir?' asked Shania, quickly raising her hand after she'd already spoken.

'You can help out your classmates if you wish,' he said with a small smile. Shania's mouth split into a grin.

'But that's not fair,' protested Aidan quickly.

'Like you'd be complaining if you were on our end,' retorted Willow. Aidan cast her a quick smirk.

'Professor,-'

'I believe people who do their utmost deserve to be rewarded every now and then, don't you agree?' asked Lupin gently.

'But they've already got good grades,' offered Aidan defensively.

'As you would have too if you had paid attention instead of sleeping all through my lessons about Unforgivable Curses,' said Lupin truthfully.

Aidan didn't respond as he quickly crammed his book into his bag. Judy followed his example, but lingered on it much longer as the others already got to their feet.

'Are you coming?' asked Willow impatiently.

'I'll be right along, I just,' Judy cast a glance at Lupin's back. 'I've got a few more questions about my essay...'

'Oh OK. Well, we'll see you later then,' said Willow understandingly. She walked after the others who'd already left the classroom, closing the door behind her.

'I don't remember you sleeping through my classes,' said Lupin as he turned on his heel to face her. 'In fact, if I recall correctly you took more notes than the other students.' Judy looked back at him, the issue of her essay seeming pivotal to what she would have to tell him in a few moments.

'I expected Aidan to score less than the others,' said Lupin truthfully. 'The boy is intelligent, but his motivation is very poor...' Judy couldn't help but think how much Aidan and her father were alike...though Sirius had gotten into much more trouble than her friend had.

'But I expected you to do as good as Chelsea and Connor on this one, most certainly because you have an advantage to the others when it comes to this subject...' Judy met Lupin's eyes. 'I mean...I didn't mean to put it like that...you know what I mean.' He hesitated as Judy didn't respond. 'I mean your knowledge of dark magic...I didn't mean your mother's death was,-'

Judy closed her eyes for a moment. His kindness was killing her. The fact that she'd betrayed his trust caused her more sadness than she had felt in many years. The fact that he didn't even have a clue of what she'd done ripped her heart apart.

'Jude?'

She let out a long deep sigh before speaking the words she'd been dreading to say.

'I've seen him, Remus.' She opened her eyes to look at him and continued as she saw the confusion in his eyes. 'I've seen Sirius.' A shadow descended on Lupin's face, taking away any sparkle left in his eyes.

Judy didn't do anything but look at her uncle in the silence that followed. Though their eyes remained locked during the entire time she knew Lupin wasn't looking at her, he was looking right through her. Slowly he was realising the implications of her words...

'When?' he asked, his voice strained.

'Halloween,' said Judy slowly.

'Halloween?!' Lupin's eyes widened.

'I didn't let him in,' she added quickly. 'I only...only saw him...'

'You only saw him,' Lupin looked at her in disbelief. 'You only saw him?!' He said more loudly. 'Why didn't you tell this before?'

'Because I didn't think it necessary,-'

'Necessary?!' said Lupin, looking at her as if she were a stranger to him.

'Well, I couldn't turn him in, could I?' retorted Judy defensively.

'You couldn't turn in a convicted murderer?' asked Lupin, confused.

'I couldn't turn in my own father,' retorted Judy, biting back the tears caused by Lupin's view of his former best friend.

'He betrayed Lily and James,' said Lupin, unable to withhold his anger. 'He killed Peter Pettigrew...he killed thirteen Muggles!'

'Did he?' asked Judy weakly, regretting her words as soon as she saw Lupin's widened eyes. 'I'm sorry, I didn't,-'

'I think I've heard quite enough,' Lupin cut across her. 'I need to report this to Professor Dumbledore.'

'He already knows,' said Judy, unable to meet Lupin's eyes anymore. 'I told him a few days ago. He said I had to tell you as soon as you were feeling better and that he would discuss the consequences of my actions with you.'

'Good, because I can think of several punishments that you deserve for what you did.' Judy didn't look up, but she could feel his eyes on her. 'I can't even begin to tell you how disappointed I am in you. After everything we've...you've been through...I raised you better than this. You should have told me the truth.'

'Yes, Remus,' said Judy softly, watching her tears fall on the dark wooden floor boards.

'I taught you better than to lie to me,' Lupin continued. 'I taught you better than to break your promises.'

'Yes, Remus,' said Judy again, brushing away her tears with her sleeve. Her mascara and foundation smudged her white sleeve.

'And your grades...all this time I thought you were too troubled to concentrate on school, while you were...you were...' he drew a deep breath to still his emotions. Judy looked up and saw how he looked even paler than before; his anger had clearly taken what little energy he had left.

'I'm sorry,' said Judy hoarsely, she knew she couldn't stand much more of it before she'd break entirely. 'Please try to understand, Remus.' He looked at her for a moment and then, without a word, turned his back to her.

'This conversation is over for now,' he said calmly. 'We will talk further when I've spoken to Professor Dumbledore.'

'Remus...' Judy said weakly in an effort to make him turn around again. 'Uncle Remus, please...'

'That will be all, Judy,' said Lupin coldly. 'Don't forget that your essay is due for Thursday.'

'Yes, Professor.' Judy turned on her heel and took a few paces toward the door before stopping in her tracks. She rummaged through her shoulder bag, took out the Fizzing Whisbees, walked back up to Lupin and put them on his desk. 'I ehm…I forgot to give you these…' She waited for a moment but as Lupin didn't say or do anything she turned around and hurried out of the classroom.

The fifth floor corridor was deserted, much to her relief. Judy leaned back against the dark wooden door as Lupin's words resounded over and over again in her head.

She couldn't pretend anymore that what she had done was the right thing. She couldn't pretend anymore that she hadn't really lied to her uncle, only not tell him the entire truth...Deep down she knew all too well that no matter what she had tried to make herself believe, she had betrayed him.

'My, my...you look a mess, dear.' Judy looked up, startled by the unfamiliar voice. A portrait of a distinguished looking witch cast her a gentle smile. 'That make-up of yours needs redoing before you can show yourself anywhere...'

Judy looked at her and nodded absently. She stalked off to the nearest girls' bathroom as another fresh wave of tears ruined her make-up even more.

&

In the weeks that followed her conversation with Lupin, Judy didn't pick up on anything in class. She felt like she was constantly on the edge of exhaustion. She spent all her spare time on homework now; whether it was reading a school book in the common room or doing research, buried by a stack of books in the library. But no matter how hard she tried to understand the words she read, her concentration was failing her terribly and consequently her grades took a dive. She now had an insufficient number in both Charms and Transfiguration, with Potions balancing on the edge. To top it all Snape was greedily using her lack of concentration to his advantage, setting her extra homework whenever he caught her daydreaming in class or worse…sleeping.

But school was only one of her worries and oddly enough not the most important one as it usually had been. Her relentless thoughts about the consequences of her actions and not to forget about her father's well being were causing her to have more dreams and visions than ever. Despite knowing deep down that fighting them off would cost more energy than letting them happen, Judy couldn't stop resisting her so called gift from emerging to the surface. And knowing that she had no intention to change that anytime soon, she also knew that it wouldn't be long before her body and mind would cave under the constant strain she was putting it under.

Judy spent most of her days alone, avoiding Willow's worried glances and the twins' relentless lines of questioning on how she was doing. She even missed out on the Ravenclaw vs. Hufflepuff Quidditch match and consequently Ravenclaw's victory, spending the morning reading up on Transfiguration in her dorm instead. Despite wanting to talk to them more than ever, she just couldn't face her friends. She was too afraid to break under their kindness and tell them every secret which now, more than ever, had to remain hidden.

With only two weeks to go till the end of term, Judy spent her Saturday afternoon in the library, trying to catch up on homework as much as she could, so she wouldn't have to spend her entire holiday on writing essays and reading study books. She shared the long wooden table with several other students who apparently shared her thoughts. All of them were surrounded by stacks of books, scrolls of parchments, ink bottles and quills.

Judy threw a thin layer of sand on her Herbology essay and reread the roll of parchment one more time; with her concentration failing her all the time she had to read every piece of homework at least three times and then still small stupid mistakes managed to slip through.

'Well, well, fancy meeting you here...' Judy's lips curled into a small smile as she looked over her shoulder and met Fred Weasley's eyes. He walked toward her with a pile of books in his hands and put them down with such force that Madam Pince looked at him sternly.

'Sorry,' offered Fred apologetically. He sat down beside Judy and shoved his chair so close to her that their shoulders touched. Judy looked sideways and arched a brow at him. 'Oh come on, Byrne. Don't pretend you're not interested.'

Judy laughed, but quickly stopped as Madam Pince looked at her over the rim of her reading glasses. 'What are you doing here, Fred?' asked Judy quietly.

'Placing Dungbombs all around the library and setting them to go off at the same time...' Judy looked at him, worried. 'Oh relax, Jude. I'm here to study. I've got to do some homework if I want to attain a few of my OWLs,' he offered, his mouth splitting in a grin. 'Though setting off those Dungbombs would have been hilarious, you have to admit.'

'Not as hilarious as what Filch would have you do afterwards,' offered Judy as she rolled up her Herbology essay and put it in her bag. Her smile faded as her own comment reminded her of the punishment Lupin and Dumbledore had in store for her.

Fred looked at her for a moment, his eyes stained with concern. Judy quickly evaded his questioning gaze and picked up one of the open books in front of her.

'Why won't you tell us what's wrong?' asked Fred seriously.

'What do you mean?' asked Judy, faking surprise. 'Nothing's,-'

'Don't lie to me, Jude.' Fred cut across her. Judy met his eyes for a moment, doing her utmost to ignore the guilt gnawing at her heart as she realised how many times she had lied to him in the past and how many times she'd still have to lie to him in the future.

'It's like I told George. This is something I have to solve by myself.'

'But you can't do this on your own,' protested Fred. 'I mean, look at you...you look awful!'

'Ssshhh!' They both looked up to see Madam Pince's eyes shooting daggers in their direction.

'I'm just a bit tired, because I've got so much homework,' offered Judy in a whisper. She quickly put her fingers on his mouth as he tried to object. 'Listen, you've been my best mate for years, I'd tell you if I could, but I can't.'

'But,-'

'Please, Fred. I've got enough going on as it is, I don't want to argue. Just trust me on this one, all right?' He held her gaze for a moment and then shrugged in defeat.

'Yes, all right,' he said bitterly. 'But you'll have to promise to stop avoiding us. George and I just want to know if you're all right and Willow is worried sick about you.'

'OK, I promise,' said Judy truthfully, ignoring the thought that with everything she had to handle on her own already, facing her friends and resisting to cave under their kindness could be too much for her to handle.

'Good,' said Fred, opening one of his books and scanning the index. 'Because we're your mates and we're here for the good times AND the bad. And I will remind you of that for the rest of your life if I have to, Byrne.'

Judy looked at him for a moment as he searched the pages of his book. She leaned over and kissed him on the cheek. Fred glanced sideways as she pulled back, and cast her a mischievous grin. 'Like I said, I'm irresistible,' he said with a satisfied look on his face.

Judy smiled, shaking her head as she turned her attention to the books in front of her. She knew she'd have to go through her troubles on her own, but she also now knew she had friends to fall back on if everything indeed proved to be too much for her mind and body to handle. Even if she couldn't tell them the truth of what was going on, her friends would still be there to support her.

&

As the last weekend of term drew near, the Hogwarts' grounds turned from a muddy, leave covered landscape into an idyllic Christmas scene. A layer of thick, crisp snow covered the entire grounds as Hagrid, the Gamekeeper, swept clean the path leading from the castle to the boar winged wrought iron gates.

The many hallways and classrooms in the castle were decorated with hundreds of floating silver snowflakes and golden stars, while holy bushes, red ribbons and mistletoe hung from the walls and ceilings. Professor Flitwick had even decorated the Charms classroom with real flying fairies.

With most of the students returning home for the holidays, there was another trip to Hogsmeade planned the day before the Hogwarts Express would be heading back to London. All around the castle third year students and up talked excitedly about the opportunity to do their Christmas shopping in the small magical village.

Judy lay in her bed that Saturday morning. She covered her ears in an effort to block out the sound of her chatting roommates as she lay still under her white sheet and blue blanket.

'Has anybody seen my blue pumps?' asked Willow nervously. 'My Mom is going to kill me if I lost them…'

'I think…' Shania's hesitant voice was followed by a fervent rummaging in her trunk. 'Yes, they're here. Sorry.'

'That's OK,' offered Willow lightly. 'I think I packed something of yours too.'

'Do you know I've been looking for that sweater for a month?!' said Shania indignantly, though amused.

'May be if you two would stop swapping clothes all the time, you wouldn't lose half of your belongings,' offered Abigail. Judy didn't need to see her face to know she was rolling her eyes.

'Has anybody seen my Astronomy book?' asked Chelsea, close to panicking.

'Why don't you check Judy's stack?' offered Willow amused. 'There's bound to be one in there.'

'Nobody's touching my books,' said Judy, deciding that trying to get any more sleep was useless, and casting back her covers.

'Well, well, look who's awake!' offered Shania amused. 'Which subject did you share your bed with this time?' Judy smiled as Chelsea's cheeks turned scarlet.

'Potions,' offered Judy amused as she sat up and leaned back against the headboard.

'Ugh,' said Willow looking over at her. 'You share your bed with the homework Snape sets you?'

'Dear Merlin, do you think you could stop talking nonsense and finish packing?' asked Abigail annoyed. 'We're going to be late for breakfast…' She said, walking out of the room without looking back.

'Great, what's wrong with her this time?' asked Willow, sighing as she looked after Abigail.

'What do you think,' offered Shania, sitting down on the rim of her bed. 'She's going home for the first time this year…and there's only one thing her parents will care about.'

'Her brother Kenneth being sorted into Slytherin,' finished Judy. She pushed back her tangled hair as she sat up straight. She could remember all too well the stories she'd heard from her father as a child; all the answers he'd given to her questions why her grandparents ignored their existence. She'd never forget how her father had eventually run away from home, because his parents' couldn't accept that he didn't support their small minded beliefs and didn't indulge in their pure blood mania.

She squeezed the sheets hard as a sudden anger raged through her. 'Those stupid small minded Pure Bloods!' She clasped her hand to her mouth as she noticed the widened eyes looking back at her; all of her roommates came from pure blood families. 'I'm sorry, I didn't,-'

'Yes, you did,' Willow cut across her. Judy looked from Willow to her other two friends, at a loss for words.

'And you're right,' offered Shania, casting her hands in the air. 'Abigail's parents are stupid small minded Pure Bloods…they're almost as bad as those Malfoys.'

'But Abigail isn't,' said Chelsea quickly. 'The Sorting Hat would never have put her in Ravenclaw if she was as bad as her parents.'

'You're right,' said Willow gently. 'And if her stupid parents won't support her, we will.' She kneeled to lock her trunk and got back up again. She turned on her heel and stopped dead, noticing how Judy, Chelsea and Shania were staring at her in disbelief. 'What? Are you surprised that I don't have a hairy heart?'

'Oy, are you girls done plastering your faces? We're hungry!' called Aidan from below.

'That bloke has just got the perfect timing, doesn't he?' said Shania amused. She slung her bag over her shoulder and headed for the doorway. Chelsea quickly followed her.

'What about you?' asked Willow, looking at Judy as she leaned against a pillar of her bed.

'I think I'm going to spend my day with these,' she said, gesturing at the pile of books beside her bed. 'And may be try to take a nap this afternoon. I didn't get much sleep last night.'

Willow sighed and shook her head. 'Listen, just promise me you'll get some food in you before midday, OK? Those dark circles and that pale complexion of yours won't go away unless you start eating properly again…and don't even get me started on how skinny you look…'

'Yes, mother,' said Judy with a small smile.

'I'm serious, Jude,' Willow said, planting her hands on her hips as she looked down on her.

'I promise,' Judy sighed. 'I'll go down to the kitchens and get a couple of sandwiches as soon as I'm done with this, OK?' She held up her Potions book.

Willow cast her hands in the air. 'You're hopeless, you know that?'

'Yes, I know,' Judy leaned back against her headboard as she opened her book.

'I'll see you later,' said Willow, picking up her handbag.

'Will?' Judy looked up at her friend as she spun on her heel. 'Thanks.'

'You're welcome,' she said with a small smile. 'Just…just don't stay cooped up in here all day, OK?'

'OK,' Judy nodded. Willow gave her a small wave before turning back to the doorway and heading down the small stone circular stairs.

Judy waited for her best friend to be out of earshot before leaning back against the headboard and letting out a long sigh. She knew it was useless to try and catch up on homework today; her eyes were nearly falling shut due to her chronic lack of sleep. Her efforts to block out her dreams every night were starting to take a toll she knew she couldn't pay for long. Even now her hands were lying flat on the bed, she could still feel them tremble. She knew something had to change soon, because she had no intention of caving under the strain she was under and spending her holidays in the hospital wing. And yet, despite the knowledge that something had to change, the fear she felt for her gift kept her from doing anything but fight against it as hard as she could.

Judy cast back her blanket, flung her legs out of bed and grabbed Willow's mirror from her friend's nightstand. She checked her appearance, flinching as she did so. The circles around her eyes were even darker than she'd anticipated and her sunken cheeks and pale complexion made her look as bad as Lupin after one of his transformations.

She stared at herself as she thought on her uncle. She hadn't heard anything from him, apart from his classes, and she didn't like it one bit. She knew her dreams were caused mostly by her constant worrying about her father, but the tension of waiting for Lupin and Dumbledore's decision had definitely increased the attempts of her visions and dreams to take over her mind.

Judy put the mirror back down, gathered her toiletries and headed for the bathroom; if she were to show herself to anybody today she knew she had to take extra care to turn her ill appearance into something decent.

She returned to her dorm half an hour later, with a large white towel wrapped around her and her wet combed hair flowing down her back. Duncan lay on her bed, apparently asleep. Judy tried not to wake him as she searched her favourite pair of dark blue jeans and a purple V neck sweater, upturning most of the contents of her trunk. She laid the clothes out on Willow's bed and borrowed her friend's mirror again to strategically apply her foundation, eye shadow and mascara, finishing it off with a purple lipstick which matched her sweater perfectly. By the time she was done, she doubted anybody could tell how tired she actually felt inside.

'Oy Byrne! Are you up there?' Judy froze as she recognized the all too familiar voice. She waited in silence to make sure her mind wasn't playing tricks on her. 'I don't care if those stairs will turn into a slide, I'm coming up there one way or another if you don't come down!' Duncan meowed irritably as he woke up from his nap.

'No! I'm coming down,' said Judy quickly, looking around at all the clothes and underwear she had pulled from her trunk earlier. She rushed toward the door and down the small spiral stone staircase, stopping dead in her tracks as Fred Weasley grinned at her from the blue sofa.

'Well, hello there gorgeous…' he said, looking her up and down.

'What are you…? Judy followed his gaze, realising she was only wearing a towel. 'Oh shoot…' she said, making sure most of her was hidden from his gaze.

'I think there's still a bit of skin there…' said Fred teasingly.

'Oh shut up,' Judy said, half-smiling at the situation they were in. 'What in the name of magic are you doing here anyway? Do you know how much trouble you're in if anybody sees you here?'

'Oh come on, Jude. Where's your sense of adventure?' said Fred disappointed.

Judy rolled her eyes. 'What are you doing here, Fred?'

He smiled at her. 'I'm taking you with me to Hogsmeade.'

'Are you?' Judy arched a brow at him.

'Yes, and you're going to enjoy every minute of it.' He said with a mischievous sparkle in his eyes.

'There's something you're not telling me,' said Judy, knowing her friend well enough to know when he was hiding something from her.

'You're absolutely right,' offered Fred, his grin growing wider. 'Now go and get dressed so we can do some Christmas shopping.'

'But I don't need,-'

'I'm afraid 'no' does not appear in my vocabulary, Jude,' said Fred quickly. 'I'll be waiting for you in the corridor.'

'But Fred, I can't,-'

'You've got ten minutes!' He said without turning as he walked away from her.

'But,-' She let out a frustrated sigh as she heard the door fall shut behind him.

'Gargoyles and Banshees!' Judy said fiercely. She took a deep breath to still her emotions.

Judy stood still in the common room, sorting out her thoughts for a moment. She didn't want to go to the hustle and bustle of Hogsmeade, if anything she wanted to spend a quiet day in the castle, doing as little as possible to allow her body to regain some of its strength. On the other hand…the knowledge that Fred was hiding something from her did arouse her curiosity and she couldn't ignore the eager feeling of finding out what he was hiding…

&

'You're late,' said Fred, doing his best impersonation of McGonagall and making Judy laugh.

'I'm here,' offered Judy as she reached his side in the deserted fifth floor corridor. 'Now, what is this secret you're keeping from me?'

'You'll find out soon enough,' Fred grinned as he locked his arm with hers and pulled her along.

'Why can't you just tell me now?' attempted Judy as Fred led her down the marble staircase.

'Patience is a virtue, Jude,' he said reproachfully.

'Fine,' said Judy, recognizing defeat as another pressing matter came to her mind. 'Are we taking the…short cut again?' she asked carefully.

'Yes, I'm just as eager to avoid those Dementors as you are,' assured Fred her. 'We're going to have to do it without a map though…George and I gave it to Harry, so he can go to Hogsmeade as well. But don't worry, I know all the secret passages by heart anyway.'

'Oh,' said Judy, feeling somewhat uncomfortable knowing that Harry wasn't protected anymore by the spells surrounding the castle. 'Fred,' she said, the thought about Sirius reminding her of a question she'd been meaning to ask him for ages. 'Have you ever seen…anybody else using those passages?'

'Do you mean Black?' Judy nodded. 'George and I've been thinking about that as well. We've been watching the map more often since that break in at Halloween, but we've never seen him using any of the secret passages we know.' Judy felt relieved as they entered the third floor corridor, though her relief soon faded as she looked up and saw Lupin standing a few meters away from them. She couldn't help but think he'd been waiting for her.

'Good morning,' said Lupin as they approached him. 'Are you two off to Hogsmeade?'

'That we are, sir,' said Fred brightly.

'I'd like to have a word with you before you go,' said Lupin, his eyes on Judy. 'If that's all right with you of course, Fred.' He added.

'But Fred and I were just,-'

'I can wait,' said Fred quickly. Judy looked up at him, his broad smile giving her a feeling of unease.

'We won't be long,' said Lupin, beckoning Judy to enter the empty Charms classroom. Judy cast a glance at Fred, who merely smiled at her, and headed to the classroom. It was deserted safe for the fluttering fairies Professor Flitwick had put up as Christmas decorations. She walked on until she was in the middle of the room and stopped as she heard Lupin close the door and cast a Muffliato spell so nobody could listen in on their conversation.

'Please take a seat, Judy.' She did as he said and watched in silence as he walked past her and sat down on the desk in front of her. Judy didn't meet his eyes as he looked at her in silence.

'How have you been?' asked Lupin, clearly sounding worried. Judy met his eyes, surprised at his concern.

'All right...' she paused for a moment; she wasn't going to lie to him again. 'I'm tired…' she said truthfully. 'Exhausted actually…'

'I've noticed that your grades have gone down even more lately…' He looked at her, searching for an explanation.

'I'm trying to keep up, Remus,' said Judy quickly. 'I really am. It's just that with everything that's going on, I just can't concentrate and I keep screwing up my essays…and I'm just not getting any sleep, because of those stupid dreams and visions…'

'Dreams and visions?' asked Lupin interested. 'Well, I have to admit it surprises me how well you're holding up, considering your gift is expressing itself at such a late age. I didn't think it possible for you to learn to control it so fast.'

'I'm not,' said Judy, shaking her head. 'I'm not really controlling it.'

'Then how…' Lupin looked at her confused.

'I'm fighting it,' said Judy, feeling relieved to finally tell the truth about what she was going through.

'Oh, sweetheart,' Lupin rubbed his neck as he looked at her, his eyes stained with concern. 'You shouldn't be fighting this…it will only worsen the effects it has on you.'

'What do you mean?' asked Judy confused.

'The day I found your mother, half conscious in one of the corridors…she'd been trying to fight off her visions too…like I told you before her body and mind were better prepared than yours, because she'd been having dreams nearly all her life. But if you…Jude, people have gone insane, even died trying to fight their gifts and if you keep resisting yours…' Lupin evaded her gaze for a moment. Judy looked down and looked at her trembling hands.

'I want to find a way to accept it and live with it,' said Judy honestly. 'But…I'm scared, Remus. I'm not ready to See.'

'Because you're afraid you may be mistaken about Sirius?' asked Lupin carefully. Judy looked back at him, a tear falling from her eye, as she nodded slowly.

'Jude…' he sighed and ran his fingers through his hair. 'What you did was…'

'…wrong, I know,' said Judy truthfully. 'And I'm sorry I didn't tell you, but…I couldn't betray him and send him to his death…' She took a handkerchief from her bag and dabbed her tears, threatening to ruin her carefully applied make-up.

'I know…and though I don't approve of what you've done, I do understand…' Judy looked up at him in disbelief.

'You do?'

'Yes, I've talked it over with Professor Dumbledore and we both agree that asking you to turn in your father, knowing what fate awaits him, is too much to ask of you.' Lupin leaned back against the desk as he looked down on her. 'But we also agree that your bond with Sirius makes you…vulnerable. Now that he knows you're here, he may try to contact you and ask you to help him. And not knowing what your choice will be at that time, Professor Dumbledore and I think it safer to prevent such a situation.'

'I…I don't understand.' Judy looked up at him. 'What do you mean?'

'We think it wise for you not to roam the castle on your own…' explained Lupin.

'Well what are you going to do?' asked Judy confused. 'You can't follow me around all the time, people will get suspicious.'

'Oh no,' said Lupin with a small smile. 'We're not worried Sirius will try to contact you during the school year. Not with so many other students around. We are more worried about the holidays, when most students have returned home.'

'I still don't understand,' said Judy in earnest.

'Professor Dumbledore and I think it better if you do not remain at Hogwarts during the holidays,' said Lupin carefully.

'You're…you're sending me away?!' asked Judy taken aback. 'But what about Christmas? We always spend Christmas together!'

'I'm afraid that will not be possible this year,' said Lupin gently.

'But Remus…I…I don't want to go away. I want to stay here with you.' He shook his head. 'Please, don't send me away.' She felt a few more tears falling down her cheeks. 'You're supposed to spend Christmas with your family and you're the closest relative I've got.'

'There's still your aunt Andromeda and uncle Ted,' offered Lupin. 'And Tonks.'

'I know, but…you raised me, Remus. I mean, we're a family, right?' He cast her an affectionate smile.

'I'm sorry, sweetheart,' said Lupin truthfully. Judy dabbed her tears again, her foundation leaving marks on her handkerchief. She sighed as she realised everything was already decided for her.

'Where am I going?' She asked in a whisper. 'Aunt Andromeda's and uncle Ted's?

'Ehm…no actually,' said Lupin, making Judy look up at him, confused. 'They've already got a few of your uncle's relatives coming over. And I'm afraid Dora is much too busy with studying and working to be looking after you at her apartment.'

'Well then…where am I supposed to go?'

Lupin took a deep breath before he spoke. 'The Burrow.'

'What?!' asked Judy in disbelief.

'You're spending the holidays with the Weasleys,' continued Lupin.

'But I…I hardly know them!' exclaimed Judy. 'I can't spend Christmas with them!'

'You know Fred and George,' retorted Lupin. 'And Molly is more than happy to take you in for two weeks. She quite agrees that a deserted castle isn't the right place for you to celebrate Christmas.'

'Well of course she does when you put it like that. Mrs. Weasley is always happy to take care of others. But they barely have enough to make ends meet, you can't expect them to,-'

'I've already taken care of any financial matters,' interjected Lupin.

'It's not just that…,' said Judy irritable. 'I just don't feel comfortable imposing on them like that…if I promise I won't go wandering the castle alone, can't I just stay here with you?'

'That's not the point, Jude,' said Lupin dismissively.

'But you just said you're sending me away because Sirius may try to contact me and ask me to help him...' her voice trailed as she met her uncle's eyes. 'Hang on…you're not doing this for me, are you?'

'Jude,-'

'You're doing this for Harry. You believe I will help Sirius get to Harry!' She said accusingly.

'Professor Dumbledore and I think it best for the both of you,-'

'That's rubbish and you know it!'

'Do not take that tone with me, young lady,' said Lupin sternly. 'We may be concerned for Harry's safety, but that doesn't mean we've not taken your own safety into account.'

'I wonder whose safety made you come to this decision then,' said Judy heatedly. 'I can't believe you think I'd do anything to endanger Harry. He was like a baby brother to me, Remus.'

'I'm not saying you would do anything that could harm him intentionally,' defended Lupin. 'I just…I trusted Sirius once too, Judy. So did James and Lily and they died because of it…' He said sadly.

Judy stared at him in silence for a while, allowing her mind to rule over her emotions again. She knew deep down that Lupin had a point and that he was only looking out to protect Harry and her. She just wished there was another way so she could stay with him at the castle; they hadn't spent a single Christmas apart since he'd taken her in. She dabbed the last of her tears and put the handkerchief back in her pocket.

'Fred knows about this, doesn't he?' asked Judy, her lips curling up in a small smile as she thought of the excitement in her friend's eyes.

'Yes, he and George are both looking forward to it,' said Lupin gently.

'What about Duncan?' asked Judy suddenly, as she thought on her black cat.

'I think Duncan will prefer to spend his holiday in a deserted castle chasing after mice without any competitors,' said Lupin truthfully.

'Yes, I think he will too,' said Judy amused. 'And what about you?' she added softly.

'I've got the staff to keep me company,' offered Lupin. 'And there's Harry and his friends and a few other students. Besides, I wouldn't have been able to spend much time with you anyway. I've got a pile of correction work to catch up on.'

'Yes, I suppose you're right,' said Judy, getting to her feet. She swayed for a moment; the anger she'd felt a few moments before had clearly drawn on what little energy she had. Lupin quickly took her arm as he noticed her faintness. 'I'm fine,' said Judy quickly. 'I must have stood up too fast.'

'No, you're not fine.' Lupin laid his hands on her shoulders as he continued. 'Listen sweetheart, I know you're always looking out for others and making sure everybody's all right. But you need to start looking after yourself now. This entire situation is already a lot for you to handle on your own, do not make things harder on yourself by denying your gift…I'm afraid that if you do, your body and mind will cave and by then it will be too late for any of us to save you.'

Judy nodded absently. 'I'll try,' she said in a whisper.

'If you want, I can ask Professor Trelawney if she can help you take control of your Sight,' offered Lupin gently.

'No, I'd rather try myself first,' said Judy truthfully, remembering from Willow's stories how obsessed Trelawney was with the Inner Eye. She was sure the woman wouldn't hesitate to test just how strong her gift was, before teaching her how to control it.

'All right,' Lupin said warmly. He let her go and drew a piece of paper from his pocket. 'Your train ticket. Don't lose it.' He said, handing it to her.

'I won't,' she assured him as she put it safely in her bag.

'You're going to have a great holiday with Fred and George,' said Lupin confidently.

'I know, but I'll still miss you,' she looked up at him, stood tiptoe and kissed his cheek. 'Have a good Christmas, Remus.'

'You too, sweetheart,' he cast her a small smile.

Judy nodded before turning and heading out of the classroom. As she reached the third floor corridor she saw Fred waiting for her, leaning against the statue of the old hump backed witch. His smile grew wider as she approached him.

'Do you think we'll survive?' she asked lightly as Fred stood upright.

'I think we'll do just fine,' he offered, his brow creasing as he looked at her. 'Have you been crying?'

'I don't remember spending a Christmas without him,' she said, knowing Fred would understand.

'Well…then we'd better make sure you enjoy yourself at our place. What do you think about tricking Percy into eating a couple of Cockroach Clusters?'

'That sounds ehm…interesting,' offered Judy with a smile. She looked back at the closed classroom door as Fred magically opened the hatch which led to the secret passage to Honeydukes.

Judy had expected her conversation with Lupin to be quite the opposite of what she'd just had. She'd expected him to still be angry with her about everything she'd done, not for him to tell her that he and Dumbledore understood why it had been so hard for her to do the right thing; to turn in her father for his crimes. Her heart felt a little lighter, knowing that Lupin understood and that he still cared for her the way he always had.

'Oy, you coming?' whispered Fred, drawing her away from her thoughts.

'Yes, I'm coming,' said Judy, casting another glance around the corridor to make sure nobody was there.

She took Fred's hand as he helped her into the secret passage. With everything that had happened to her in the past months, all the worries that had been troubling her, spending Christmas with her best mates and their family didn't really sound all that bad. In fact, spending two care free weeks at the Burrow could be just the distraction she needed.

Author's note: If you've taken the time to read the chapter, I'd really appreciate it if you let me know what you think about it by writing a short review. E.g. which plot lines do you like and which ones didn't you like? Feedback and constructive criticism is much appreciated: at the end of the day knowing your opinions about my story is what inspires me to keep writing!