Can You Shine My Shoe's?
Chapter Ten: A day to stop and think of all the things we are grateful for pt. 2
We had to hail a cab to take the three of us back to Feliciano's place so we could pick up the food we were to bring to Alfred's. We entered the apartment lobby to wait for Antonio and Romano to arrive.
It wasn't very surprising to see Ivan, our Russian landlord, sitting alone at the front desk; heavy snow boots placed on top of the poor wooden surface. He seemed to be pouting, lips down turned into a small frown, as opposed to the unsettling childlike smile he usually wore. "Who is your new comrade there, little Feli?" Ivan perked up a bit when he noticed Feliciano skipping into the building.
"Oh, Vash?" Feliciano pointed casually towards my brother, "this is Ludi's brother. He's joining us for Thanksgiving!"
Ivan seemed to perk up even more at that, his smile returning somewhat. "I see. So, you are having dinner at your place?" He seemed a bit eager, almost as if...
"No," Feliciano chirped, waiving a hand around dismissively, "we were invited to one of Ludi's co-workers' house for dinner! We just came back to wait for Fratello and his friend so we can all head over there." Feliciano beamed once he finished his spiel, rocking back and forth on his heels.
The Russian man noticeably deflated, his frown returning even deeper than before. Ivan's disappointment was even evident to my ever clueless Italian friend, because he sidled over and stood on his tip-toes to whisper in my ear, "Hey, do you think Mr. Braginski wants to come? It looks like he has no one to spend today with... I'd feel bad not inviting some one who seems so lonely."
"Ja," I nodded emphatically, "I don't think Alfred vould mind. He did say ve could invite any one ve vanted." I replied, smiling at how warm and caring Feliciano truly was.
"Mr. Braginski," Feliciano declared enthusiastically, "Would you like to join us for Thanksgiving dinner? Ludwig said that his co-worker wouldn't mind the extra company."
I think for the first time since I met him, a true smile blossomed across the Russian's pale face, lighting up his violet eyes. "Da! I would love to be coming. Just let me grab my keys." Ivan practically dashed up the stairs towards his own room.
Silence fell between the three of us as we waited for Ivan to return, however, the silence didn't last very long...
"Hey stupid-head, why didn't you let me know where tomato bastard and I have to go, so we could avoid mingling with your German flunkies, huh?" Romano yelled while slamming open the lobby door.
"V-ve~ I'm sorry Fratello, it just slipped my mind..."
Romano huffed as Antonio came in and placed a calming hand upon his frail shoulder. "Now Lovi," his tone was like that of a stern parent chastising their rebellious child, "you shouldn't yell at your little brother over some thing so inconsequential."
"Tch, I'm surprised you know what 'inconsequential' even means, dumb ass." Romano quipped, but calmed down nevertheless. I groaned inwardly, my patience for that bad mouthed brat already starting to dwindle.
The sound of footsteps thundering down the stairwell heralded Ivan's arrival. "Alright, we are ready to be going now, da?" The large Russian man smiled, slipping easily into our little group.
"What the fuck?" Romano shouted, glaring at the rather intimidating Russian. "Who the hell invited you, you creepy bastard?" I briefly admired Romano's courage, stupid as it was to hurl insults at a man three times your size, it was still rather impressive to see.
For a heart pounding moment, I thought Ivan might punch the daylights out of Feliciano's crazy twin, but in the end he just smiled ever so subtly and said, "Feli invited me." Romano's glare was instantly turned towards his twin.
"So not only do I have to spend today with two potato-breathed Germans, a creepy Commie, you, AND a retarded Spaniard? Just throw in a perverted French guy, and we can call it hell." Antonio began to pout, Feliciano's eyes teared up a bit, Vash looked slightly offended, and Ivan just kept on smiling. Yep, Romano was right, today was going to be hell.
We arrived at Alfred's place a little past two, carrying our offerings of food with us. I knocked once, and before my knuckles could rap upon the door again, it was yanked open by an overly enthusiastic American. "Hey guys! You finally made it- oh, and I see you brought friends, cool!" Alfred hurriedly rushed us all inside, shouting out over the den of sound, "Introductions are in order!"
Every one else was already there, broken off into groups. Francis and Arthur seemed to be arguing by the punch bowl, while poor Matthew tried in vain to break it up and be heard over the excited shouting. Kiku and Yao sat on a plush, powder blue sofa drinking tea, and murmured in hushed tones. No one seemed to have noticed our arrival, even with Alfred's too-loud voice announcing it.
"EVERY ONE SHUT UP AND LISTEN!" Alfred screamed at the top of his lungs. The noisy buzz that filled the living room instantly died down, and five pairs of eyes swiveled in our direction. "Now-" Alfred went on after he had everyone's attention, "We are all going to stand in a circle and introduce ourselves by name, and relation to the ones invited okay?"
Arthur and Romano rolled their eyes in unison, while Feliciano happily grabbed me by the wrist and dragged me to stand next to Matthew. Soon, we were all in a medium sized circle comprised of very differing ethnicities. "Alright, since I'm the main host this afternoon, I'll go first!" Alfred declared, standing dramatically whilst clenching one of his fists.
"My name is Alfred F. Jones," the American looked extremely proud of himself as he nudged the Brit next to him, indicating he should go next.
"Ummm... er, right." The British man mumbled, before he cleared his throat a bit to begin, " 'ello every one, my name is Arthur Kirkland and I am your other host this afternoon as well as..." he took a few moments to gather his courage before continuing, "as well as Alfred's significant other." A bright blush fell across Arthur's pale cheeks, and he turned his focus to the person next to him.
"Bonjour everyone," the Frenchman ate the attention up greedily, flipping his wave of golden hair as flamboyantly as ever.
Somewhere next to me, I heard Romano groan loudly, "It officially became hell..."
Francis paid this interruption no mind and went on to say, "My rather lovely name is Francis Bonnefoy and I am Alfred, Kiku, and Ludwig's boss- I'm sure we'll all get along swimmingly," a certain glimmer lit up Francis' sapphire eyes as he pointed his last statement toward Romano.
"U-um... hello eh," piped up the small voice of the shy man beside Francis, and it admittedly took us all a few moments to realize he was talking. "M-my name is Matthew Williams, and I'm Alfred's younger brother. I h-hope we can all become good friends." Feliciano wrapped an arm around one of Matthew's and smiled brightly at him.
"Ciao everyone, I'm so happy to be here with you!" The spastic Italian greeted the crowd. "My name is Feliciano Vargas, and I'm bestest best friends with Ludi, who invited me!" Feliciano's charming accent caused smiles to spread upon most of our faces; his thin little arms untangling from Matthew's to envelope me in a tight embrace that made me blush heavily.
All eyes now fell expectantly on me, so I cleared my throat before I began to introduce myself. "Hallo, I am Ludwig Beilschmidt. I vork vith Alfred und Kiku- und I greatly appreciate being so kindly invited to my first Thanksgiving dinner."
Feliciano's brother was on my other side, grumbling about how stupid this was; but, Feliciano gave him a look- a rather frightening one at that, which caused his brother to frown deeply, but ultimately give in. "The name's Romano Vargas, and that idiot over there is my younger twin. H-he invited me, practically begged for me to come, so here I am- though I'd rather be at home, chugging down a bottle of bleach."
Romano's taciturn nature caught the people meeting him for the first time completely off guard, though the rest of us were sadly used to this behavior... actually, it was surprisingly mild for him. "Hola~" the Spaniard caught everyone's attention easily with his sing song voice. "I'm Antonio Fernandez Carriedo. It's nice to meet such good friends of Feli! Please, treat my sweet little Romano with kindness, he can be really cute when he wants to be."
"Shut up bastardo, you're embarrassing me!" Romano screeched, kicking Antonio in the shin.
"Um..." my brother began awkwardly, noticeably off-put by the crazy people surrounding him. "Hallo, I am Ludwig's cousin Vash Beilschmidt... it's a, uh... it's a pleasure to meet you all." But the way he said that, it seemed any thing but...
The usual, eerily innocent smile was spread across Ivan's face when he realized it was his turn to introduce himself- and I swear even to this day, the temperature in the room dropped a few degrees to match that chilling smile. "Greetings, I am Ivan Braginski, I work as landlord where Feli and Ludwig live. They so kindly invited me, so it would have been rude to turn them down, da?" He giggled in an oddly sweet fashion, which only enhanced his insanity.
"Ni Hao, I am Wang Yao. My good friend Kiku asked me to tag along. Please enjoy the food I brought, and when you have the chance, stop by my restaurant for authentic Chinese cuisine: we use no MSG," he added as an afterthought.
The last one to complete the circle bowed humbly. "Herro, I am Kiku Honda. Prease, continue to regard me kindry," he gave us all a small, strained smile and blushed a bit.
"Alright, now that we all know eachother, let's dig in; I'm starving over here!" Alfred proclaimed, and lead the way to the large dinner table.
The amount of food upon the long, dark wood table was staggering to say the least, and also incredibly varied. There was the typical Turkey that Alfred had cooked to Golden perfection, dinner rolls that Arthur baked (Alfred said they were okay to eat and that we wouldn't die from ingesting them). Matthew supplied a tasty looking green bean casserole, while Francis brought freshly baked croissants, fancy cheese, and of course, wine.
Yao began boasting over the potstickers, and sweet and sour pork that he had prepared, and I had to admit they did look, and smell delectable. Kiku softly mumbled to Feliciano, who had asked what he brought, that he had made sticky rice, miso soup, and some pickled vegetables.
My own sweet potato casserole sat steaming upon the table, and I looked at it proudly since it was the first time I had made something for others to enjoy. Vash only had time to bring beer, but it was good German beer, so I highly doubted there would be many complaints. Ivan didn't bring anything, only because he was invited so short noticed.
Antonio happily told anyone who would listen that he and Romano made fresh tortillas, and carne asada. And last, but certainly not least, Feliciano had spent all night rolling out fresh pasta for his fettuccine with pesto sauce, and garlic bread on the side. If anything I smiled to myself, and knew this was going to be a feast to remember.
It was amazing, how easily all of us mingled together, most of us finding some one new and intriguing to talk to. Feliciano had latched himself protectively onto Alfred's younger brother Matthew, who seemed to enjoy my Italian friends attention. My own brother was sitting at the dining table chatting away with Kiku, the two of them barely pausing in their heated conversation for a few forkfulls of food.
Francis had immediately honed in on Antonio, as he was dishing himself and Romano up, and now the three of them were together; though Romano just scowled at the two idiots as they proceeded to drink themselves silly.
Ivan had been creeping on Yao for the last twenty minutes, before he had plucked up the courage to go and talk to the brash, Asian man. Yao seemed very intimidated by the vastly larger man, but was obviously too scared to do anything about it.
Arthur and Alfred were off in lala land, feeding eachother and smiling like infatuated love birds. The open and naked display of affection made me blush. Not because of the public display, but because I could not help imagining what it would be like to feed Feliciano like that; pasta stuck cutely to the side of his face as he smiled cluelessly, and how I would lovingly wipe it away with a napkin, and a bashful grin of my own. The thoughts hit me like a bulldozer, and I stopped mid bite, dazed.
"Soooo, how long have the two of you been together?" Francis' seductive purr in my ear startled me enough that I almost dropped my plate of forgotten food. I could feel my cheeks burn in white hot embarrassment, like I was a kid caught with my hand in the cookie jar.
"B-beg pardon?" I managed to stammer out, vaguely aware as to what the French man was suggesting.
"Why, Feliciano and you of course! How long have you two been secret lovers?" Excitement thundered across Francis's traditionally French features, his Sapphire eyes twinkling in amusement. He was like a spoiled kid in a candy store, who knew that with just a little bit of pestering, he could get whatever he wanted. My face only grew warmer from the implication. Why did I feel like I wanted to crawl into a hole and be eaten alive by ants, rather than face this embarrassing situation...?
"If you need to know, Feliciano und I are merely good friends," I kept my tone as civil as possible, "ve are not in any vay, shape, or form- a couple."
"But you want to be." Francis smiled all too knowingly, in the kind of way that made you want to punch him in the face. "You can't deny it mon cher," he stated plainly with a lazy shrug of his shoulders; as if to say that whatever will be, will be. "I see ze way you look at him- like he's ze only person in ze world you could not bare to live without. You may zink it's innocent friendship now, but I'd bet a million to one that if you dug deep enough inside of yourself, you would find everything I've said to be true."
He left after that, sauntering off to rejoin Antonio and Romano. My forehead crinkled in deep thought now that I had Francis's penetrating words to mull over. First, I was furious. Who did that bastard think he was anyway? To make such assumptions and say that they were facts. However, I could not help but to take his words to heart, and it scared me... because a part of me knew it was all true.
The secret, subconscious part of me that knew all along how I felt about Feliciano, could not find a suitable argument to deflect such a brutally honest statement.
My gaze slowly travelled toward Feliciano, his bright laughter drifting my way. My heart fluttered softly, the rhythm becoming some thing harsh and chaotic. My palms grew sweaty, and my throat suddenly clenched around the words I wanted to desperately say. How had I not realized until this very moment, how deeply and utterly I was in love with that ridiculous man?
I loved the strand of hair behind his left ear that always curled rebelliously toward the sky. I loved the soft moments, when he was no longer just some cheerful Italian, but a hard working, lonely man who had seen far too much sadness in such a short life. I loved his dirty, calloused hands that shined my shoes and painted beautiful pictures. But what I loved above all else, was his smile- the thing that had captured my heart from the very first moment I had witnessed it.
I felt lighter than air, the realization of my feelings somehow lifting this heavy weight off of my shoulders, that I had been unaware was there. Suddenly though, the ten-ton brick was dropped once more onto me as a thought struck me to the core- would Feliciano ever feel the same?
I knew without a doubt that he cared quite deeply for me as a friend, but as a lover? Over the course of our friendship, not once had Feliciano expressed any interest toward romance, whether if it was for a female or a male. He seemed so innocently unaware of how attractive he really was, both on the outside as well as on the inside.
This whole affair was confusing enough for me, for I myself had never harbored any thing more than a transient crush on any one before. I didn't even know where to begin with sorting out this life altering change. For now, I looked to Feliciano, smiled at how vibrant he was and how the bitter ache inside me only grew when he turned to look at me; his warm brown eyes crinkling around the edges as his smile grew softer when our eyes met.
There would be a time and place to tell him how much I loved him, but now wasn't it. All I could do was watch him from afar, and hope that when the time came for me to tell him, Feliciano would still want to be by my side.
The rest of the day passed by in a peculiar haze. We all ate plenty of delicious food, and scrumptious desserts made by Arthur. I had to admit, if Alfred ever succeeded in building that Bakery for Arthur, then I would definitely be a frequent customer. After we ate, we all gathered in the backyard to play some soccer; at the insistence of Antonio and Feliciano when they found an old soccer ball in the coat closet.
When it began to get too dark outside to see, we cut the game short and trooped inside covered in slushy snow and mud. Arthur graciously prepared us all some home made apple cider, and we gathered around the television set to watch the Charlie Brown Thanksgiving special. We were all sprawled across the couch and loveseat, a few people on the floor, like age old friends.
Feliciano instantly cuddled up to me, claiming meekly that he was freezing cold, and he rested his head on my shoulder. I was glad that he was too absorbed in the t.v. special to notice how heavily I was blushing. But Francis noticed, the observant bastard, and gave me a playful wink...
After the show was over, we decided to call it a night and said our goodbye's. Every one went on their own operated ways, or in pairs, leaving just Feliciano and I still there.
"Thanks for inviting all of those people man," Alfred sidled up next to me, and thumped me on the back. "You probably couldn't tell, but it made Artie super happy to see the house so lively."
"Vell, I should thank you for graciously inviting us all into your home," I replied honestly, resting my own hand on Alfred's shoulder.
"Any time man! You and Feli are family now, so feel free to drop by whenever."
"You're welcome at our house any time as well!" Feliciano pitched in enthusiastically. The fact that he said "our" home made me blush softly, because of the rather recent wake up call to how I wanted a future with Feliciano to become a reality.
We both then waved goodbye, and headed back to our shared apartment.
As soon as we were behind closed doors, Feliciano tackled me into one of his usual clingy hugs. "I had so much fun today! I'm so thankful every day that I met you Ludwig."
"I-" I cut myself off, the rest of the phrase still clawing up my throat. I love you, Feliciano. I wanted to say it, God how I wanted to say it. It would be the perfect time, but the trust and adoration in his warm gaze stopped me. There was no way I could destroy that, not now. Maybe not ever.
"Is everything alright, Ludwig?" Feliciano pulled away slightly, and looked at me in concern.
Shaking away the creeping negative thoughts for now, I managed to smile as best as I could. "Ja, everything is fine. I vas just thinking about how glad I am to have met you, too."
Feliciano's worried face immediately brightened. "Good," he nodded emphatically, and let go of me. He yawned cutely then and slurred out in a sleepy sigh, "Today's been a long, and exciting day, but I'm tired..."
I chuckled fondly, and before I realized what I was doing, I ruffled his soft Auburn hair lovingly. He looked like a deer in the headlights as he gaped up at me. "Errr... sorry about that feliciano, I don't know vhat came over me..." I apologized, retracting my hand so fast it was as if I had been burned.
"No, don't be sorry Ludwig- I like it when you touch me. It makes me feel like you enjoy being with me."
Out of everything in Feliciano's innocent statement, of course my mind had to hone in on "I like it when you touch me," . God, it was so easy to imagine him saying that, voice dropped low and breathy as he gazed up from under neath me with sultry, half lidded bedroom eyes...
"Oh... um, okay..."
We stood there awkwardly for a few moments, before Feliciano chimed in nervously, "Well... I should go to bed. I'll see you in the morning, okay?"
"Ja, see you in the morning- goodnight Feliciano."
"Goodnight Ludwig," he mumbled, a soft and rather sweet smile hanging on his lips. I yearned to kiss that smile away, but held myself back.
Feliciano headed to his room, giving me one last tiny smile over his shoulder, before he disappeared behind the closed door. I exhaled shakily, the rise of my pulse only now becoming apparent to me. I had no idea how in the hell I was going to keep it together around that man any more. Still utterly shaken by how badly I desired him, I went about undressing and slipping on my night clothes, before crawling into the makeshift bed that had some how become my own.
I laid there for a while, staring sightlessly up at the shadows that danced across the ceiling as my skin burned, and tingled with the urge to be touched. It was pathetic, how fast I could go from seeing Feliciano as nothing more than a good friend, to wanting him pinned below me as I kissed every last bit of affection I held towards him onto his sunkissed skin. I didn't even feel this way when I was a teenager first learning about my body and how hormones worked...
A warmth spread down my torso, and I shuddered as my usually neglected penis began to harden against my will. I groaned in embarrassment, shoving the side of my face deep into my pillow so no one could see my burning cheeks; regardless of the fact that I was all alone. My traitorous mind flashed vivid images behind my eyelids, of Feliciano this morning in nothing but his short yellow boxers and thin tank top. How his slender legs seemed to go on for miles, and his backside looked so round and firm. My cock twitched in interest at the recollection and I garbled a string of profanities into my pillow.
It had been months since I had even the slightest urge to touch myself, my sex drive never being very high for a healthy man my age. But now, I wanted so desperately to wrap my fingers around my aching need and pump myself to completion. My hips stuttered violently at the thought, rutting my cock a bit against the mattress. I hissed in pleasure at the brief amount of relief that surged through me.
I want you to touch me.
I choked back a moan, tears of frustration gathering at the edges of my eyes because my brain would not stop tormenting me with a fantasy I knew I could most likely never have. If I jerked off to thoughts of Feliciano, our friendship would be unknowingly tainted and I would never be able to look him in the face again without being ripped apart by guilt.
But my swollen need was becoming painful. I curled in on myself as my hand slowly slipped under the elastic of my underwear, and I palmed the hard length of my cock shamefully. "I'm so sorry," I whispered brokenly to the darkness, tears leaking from my tightly clenched eyes.
Warm, calloused hands and sugar sweet lips wickedly danced behind my eyelids as I gave in to my sinful desires. I didn't know if I wanted Feliciano to ever forgive me, if he found out...
Ending note: hehe... so yeah, I wasn't initially planning on ending this chapter on such an angst riddled note but I've kind of always wanted to write a scene where Ludwig shamefully touches himself to thoughts of Feliciano. I wasn't sure how graphic I should have gotten with the language, since the previous tone to this chapter had been so light hearted, so I kept the smutty details to a minimum. I hope the weird turn this particular ch took isn't too off putting...
I don't know, I felt like I needed to add a layer of depth to the complexity of Ludwig's emotions before the next chapter hits since I plan on having him confess in that one. I really drew inspiration from my own first love to wriite for Ludwig here. I had a friend, who I only ever saw as a friend, until one day I was struck so suddenly and violently with how much i loved my friend. I had a thing for them for eight whole years before I finally gave up, since they never returned my feelings as more than just random drunken hook ups. Ah, unrequited love.
Yeah... that got a little personal didn't it?
Regardless of the weirdness of this chapter and my tmi ramblings here at the end, I really hope you enjoyed the (regrettably delayed) update.
I love you all so much, and if I could I would give each and every one of you who has read this story, a big hug. I'm really hoping my inspiration for this fic has returned for good, so I can write more and finally give you guys the conclusion you deserve. Until then, hasta la pasta and stay as awesome as Prussia!