Can You Shine My Shoes?
Chapter Eleven: The Christmas snow brings with it new beginnings
Disclaimer: I do not own Hetalia, Hetalia owns us *mysterious whooshing noise*
Author's Note: Holy flap jack's batman, it's chapter 11! *cracks knuckles* alright, let's buckle up for this emotional joyride- safety first kids.
20th December, 1968
"So, have any plans for Christmas?" Alfred asks, whilst leaning against my work table, exuding the same eagerness he always seems to have.
I think about it, but so far the only plans that come to mind are to find a suitable Christmas present for Feliciano. Something that could express my newfound love for him, but could also be seen as a very thoughtful gift from a good friend- in case I chickened out on confessing my feelings.
"N-nein, so far I don't have any plans..." I lie through my teeth, mostly because I am not quite comfortable with sharing the extent of my regard towards Feliciano, until I tell the man himself how I feel. "How about you Alfred, vhat are your plans?" I inquire, hoping to deflect the conversation from myself. It works like a charm.
"Arthur and I are taking a trip to England so I can finally meet his parents! We've both been saving up for years, and now we finally have the means to take this big step forward in our relationship." Alfred can hardly contain his joy, and it makes me smile. However, I can't help but wonder if my own parents would like Feliciano? That thought makes me quickly shake my head; I was getting a little too ahead of myself.
"That sounds lovely. I hope the two of you have a vonderful time."Alfred beams his thousand watt smile, and nods in agreement. After a few more pleasantries, he goes back to his own desk, so we could both continue our work.
My footsteps crunch loudly through the slushy gray snow that covered the pavement; the sky already turning a very light shade of indigo, with a few red-orange remnants of sunset lingering against the steadily falling evening. It was extremely chilly out tonight, since fresh snow had fallen softly all around, like a beautiful gift from the heavens.
I wrap my new hand knit scarf, that my Muder had sent me for my birthday, tighter around my neck in a vain attempt to ward off the cold. Christmas, I idly pondered, was almost here- and still, I had yet to find the perfect gift to give to Feliciano... but how were you supposed to find a gift for a man who never asked for anything?
Dispelling a defeated sigh, I resign myself to the fact that I have only four more days to find some thing to give him. Every shop window that I passed, decorated festively with holly and fake snow for the season, provided no inspiration. Though I did stop a few times in front of jeweller shops, to admire the shiny rows of rings, wistfully. I could only dream of a day when I might be able to pick one out for Feliciano, as a promise for a forever spent by his side...
The frigid air was sapping too much of my warmth away, and I could feel my nose and ears starting to go numb, so I decide to give up my search for the night and head home- knowing that a happy smile, and a warm cup of coffee would be waiting for me.
By the time I got home the snow outside was falling heavily, covering the city in a thick blanket of shimmery white. I stomp a few times, to shake the last stubborn clumps of snow off of my boots, so I wouldn't track the soggy mess onto the carpet. My hand froze halfway to the door knob.
The last month had been somewhat strained between the two of us, since the night I had shamefully given in to my darkest desires. Before, if Feliciano initiated hugs or platonic cuddling, I would accept it with a resigned sort of embarrassment. Now, however, I found myself making up excuses to avoid such physical contact. After a while, as clueless as Feliciano could be, I knew he had begun to notice; and though I'm not sure he was aware of it, a gut wrenching look of hurt would flash through his tawny eyes. Every time it made me feel utterly miserable...
I bitterly shook the uneasiness that had crept up on me away, and finally open the door. "I'm home Feli," I call out; the tender ache that swelled in my chest, because I loved saying those few simple words, almost too painful to bare.
"Ludwig, you're home!" Feliciano exclaims enthusiastically, springing up from the couch. It did not go unnoticed by me, how he stops himself before he can latch on to my arm tightly, like he always used to do when I got home. "I missed you! It's not fair that you have to work so late these days," Feliciano pouts, looking absolutely put out by the extra time we now have to spend apart.
"Don't vorry Feli," I chuckle in amusement, "after February my vork hours vwill go back to normal." Feliciano smiles eagerly, making his warm eyes sparkle to reflect his apparent joy. My gaze is pulled magnetically toward his cute mouth, and I realize that all I wanted in that moment, is to kiss him. It's harder than I care to admit, to stave off such a powerful urge...
I look away, feeling incredibly uncomfortable by my thoughts. A slender, calloused finger is suddenly thrust in my face, recapturing my focus and almost touching my nose. "Look Ludi," Feliciano's tone holds an evident pout in it, which is mirrored on his scrunched up lips. "I got a splinter in my finger today."
"How did you manage that?" I ask, trying to reclaim some equilibrium.
"Eh, it's not a big thing, but that old shoe shine stool is starting to wear down. The wood splinters easily these days, but it's nothing a bit of sanding won't fix." Feliciano shrugs nonchalantly, but I can tell it's something that genuinely vexes him; he has a tendency to bite the tip of his tongue between his teeth when he is worried.
I can pinpoint the reason behind his worry as well. Even if a bit of sanding could erase the problem of splintering wood, it still did not change the fact that the stool was wearing down. Who knew how much longer it would stay in one piece? Feliciano's greatest concern has always been finding a way to make a living. I study him for a moment, wishing that I could lift every little worry that burdened his frail shoulders.
"Here, let me take a look at that," I offer instead, holding my hand out to take his.
His small hand slips into place with mine, warm and surprisingly soft considering the work he did. Heat spreads across my cheeks; it's so easy for Feliciano to be completely unfazed by such intimate contact, yet here I am blushing like a shy little virgin. Regardless of the fact that that is exactly what I am...
I hold his finger between my own pointer and thumb, and bring it close to my face to inspect it. I have to squint a bit, and hold his finger toward the light before I catch sight of a long, thin splinter of wood lodged deeply in his flesh. "Okay, I found it Feliciano." I look to his face, realizing too late how dangerously close it is to mine. He was close enough to me now, that I can make out a tiny tinge of pink dusted over the tip of his nose. My heart beat accelerates, the view is just too adorable not to affect me.
His warm eyes bore into mine, and they hold an intensity I had never witnessed there before. I can see a glimmer of some thing swim through his gaze. It almost looks like... but I mentally shake myself; I'm starting to think about things I really shouldn't.
"Erm, this may hurt a bit, but I think I can get it out rather easily," I assure, "just use your other hand and squeeze my arm if you have to- it'll help distract you." He just nods, and places his free hand upon my muscled forearm; a barely there touch that already sets my skin on fire. I place my thumb and forefinger on either side of the splinter and begin to squeeze the thing out.
Feliciano yelps a bit, fingers digging roughly into my skin. I look up to see his chin quivering, and tears rimming his eyes, but he refuses to make another sound. With one final push, the splinter comes out, leaving the surrounding skin puffy, and red.
In a moment of pure weakness, I lift his finger up to my lips, and place a gentle kiss upon his injured skin. "There, all better," I smile easily, even though my insides feel like they are performing a trapeze act.
Feliciano's gaze is wide and unwavering as he replies, "Thank you Ludwig." Regrettably I pull my hand away from his and stuff it in my coat pocket; face hotter than the flames of hell.
"Oh," Feliciano exclaimes, evaporating the awkward moment that had been left to linger between us, "I made us a fresh pot of coffee!"
My smile was unavoidable as I follow him into the kitchen.
24th December, 1968
"Have a good evening Vash," I call out behind me as I leave my brother's flat. He had called me the day before, inviting me to his place for good German beer and some of mom's dearly missed recipes for dinner. I tried not to eat too much though, because Feliciano promised me a Christmas Eve feast of his own. I make my way outside, the howling wind slicing across my face. Squinting against the force, I wait for a cab to hail.
Feliciano was most likely elbows deep into making every pasta dish under the sun right now, and the thought makes me smile happily to myself. By the time I had woken up that morning, he was already a whirlwind of activity in the kitchen, though he did stop long enough to insist he make us breakfast. I had argued that it was only fair that I should make us breakfast since he was working so hard already. It ended with us side by side making french toast with apples in a caramel sauce.
He had somehow got powdered sugar all over his apron and laughed about it. I think then was when I realized that with every passing moment like this spent with him, I was falling more and more in love. It was like I was an asteroid, being gradually pulled in by his beautiful gravity.
I lean my suddenly warm cheek against the frigid cab window, and sigh heavily through my nose. These kinds of thoughts were the one's that were utterly destroying me. Snow sifts delicately down from the heavy storm clouds above as the cab crawls sleepily through the ice covered streets. I watch it in silence, accompanied by my thoughts.
We pull up smoothly to the curb outside the apartments, and I hand the designated bills to the cabbie with a mumbled, "Merry Christmas," as I leave. My eyes flick up a few stories to find the little pinprick of light I knew was our apartment room. A brief silhouette flashes by, and I smile at the thought that maybe Feliciano had been watching the streets for me. That would be so like him.
With a pep in my step, I walk into the lobby, which for once was vacated of the eerie bat-like presence of our Russian landlord Ivan. He had saved some money to fly back to Russia to visit his sisters for the Holidays, he had told Feliciano and I while fondly smiling into the pink scarf wrapped tightly around his neck. Taking the steps almost three at a time, I end up in front of the red door slightly out of breath.
The second I push open the door I am assaulted by a very excited Italian; it's almost like getting tackled by a pack of dogs after a long day away at work. "LUDI!" He exclaimes, and I almost fall over from Feliciano's surprising strength. His legs come to wrap around my waist as he jumps into my waiting arms. My heart begins its frenetic tap dance against my ribs, the usual outcome of Feliciano's displays of affection. It's starting to become rather exhausting...
"Hallo Feliciano," I reply fondly, looking down into his warm eyes. He's smiling so wide it has to be painful. Feliciano holds onto me even tighter, proving that it was actually not an impossible feat like I was beginning to believe. I walk us further into the living room, making sure to carefully manoeuver us so I won't trip and fall over anything. Without really making a big fuss over how inappropriate this will be, I sit down on the couch with Feliciano straddling my hips. He looks perfectly happy with this position, so who was I to begrudge that? It was definitely not because I enjoy the weight of him against my hips... not. at. all.
But if he started spastically wiggling around while he talked like he was so prone to do, we would find ourselves in what you'd call, 'a situation'.
"How was your visit with Vash?" Feliciano asks, sweetly laying his head upon my chest and looking up at me through the doll-like rim of his lashes. I valiantly fight the blush that is rising to my cheeks. After all, living with this adorable idiot has given me a lot of practice in the art of keeping a straight face. I was getting almost as good as Vash at this...
Clearing my throat only a little awkwardly I answer, "Oh... uh, it vas nice. He made a lot of recipes from my mutti, it vas almost like being home again." The nostalgic bubble that wells up in my chest is a hard one to pop. I'd been floating alongside it all day long, with memories of my life in Germany to accompany it.
Feliciano smiles at that, like my happiness influenced his. It's an incredible feeling. This man was the kindest person I had ever met, and I loved him so damn much. "Do you think you'll ever move back? To Germany that is." Feliciano grows suddenly serious, and he looks a bit... sad.
I lean back into the couch, and study his pensive expression. Without thinking, my hands cup either side of his face, my thumbs moving like metronomes against his silky smooth skin. "Maybe." I admit, and instantly hate the heartbreaking look in Feliciano's eyes my words evoke. "B-but I don't know... I like it here. I like the city. I like my job. I like this apartment und I..." I trail off, not knowing if I should really say this. But Feliciano looks expectant, as if he knows the last part of the sentence, but still needs to hear me say it. "Und I like you, Feliciano."
"I like you too Ludwig," Feliciano murmers sweetly against my chest. Right above my beating heart. I feel those words sink through the fabric of my shirt, and tattoo themselves into my skin. Branded forever as his. Feliciano's big, brown eyes are trained upon my face, holding that same strange intensity I was still not used to seeing. Even when I'd been finding him looking at me like that a lot lately.
I shift uncomfortably under both the weight of his gaze and his body. Feliciano pullx away, and stands. I was both relieved and a little disappointed at the loss of his comforting closeness. "I made a lot of food, so let's go eat while it's still hot!" I would forever be astounded by Feliciano's dedication to eat. I laugh, deep and fond over his excitement as he begins to ramble about all of the delicious pasta dishes he had made.
Over an hour later I find myself full of way too many carbohydrates than a normal person should consume in one sitting, and feeling sleepy. Now I knew why Feliciano liked to take naps all of the time...
The two of us relocated from the tiny kitchenette to the living room floor, the thick, scratchy rug beneath us not an ideal place to sit, but we make it work. We had discussed over our Carbonara that after dinner we would open up the presents we got for each other. I wanted to argue with him that he didn't have to get me anything, but Feliciano looked too damn happy with himself for me to piss in his wheaties.
I had to retrieve Feliciano's present from the coat closet, where I had it hidden behind a few cardboard boxes. The second he caught a glimpse at how large the oddly wrapped package was, he scowls at me. He doesn't say anything though, which makes me think he begrudgingly accepts that what was done is done. I carry the gift to where we set up camp on the floor, and set it down in the middle of us with a loud thud. I sit cross legged across from him, and smile as a peace offering.
Feliciano sighs in acceptance. "So, should I go first?" He asks, fidgeting nervously with the small, neatly wrapped box in his hands. I nod, secretly pleased that he had offered to give me his gift first. His had an unknown second part, and I was nervous as hell about it. The longer I waited, the longer I had to enjoy things the way they were between us right now. Because soon, I was about to change everything. Wether it was going to be good or bad, I was still very unsure.
He hands me the rectangular box, wrapped with festive green and red stripes with little pine cones dotted here and there. I carefully peel away the tape, trying my best not to annihilate the pretty wrapping paper like a certain over excited American. Feliciano just watches me patiently, not hurrying me along like Alfred would have; silently understanding my impulse for perfection. I finally peel away all of the paper to reveal a black box underneath, with fancy gold letters stamped across it. It says 'Romulus' and I wondered if this was some thing from some trendy, expensive Italian brand. I almost want to protest that he had spent too much money on me, but I know it was only fair to at least look at what was inside first before I made any accusations.
Lifting the lid, I find a simple silver pocket watch inside; a ring of beautifully rendered daisies was etched along its edges, the words Tesoro mio followed by my name situated in the middle of the ring of flowers. I didn't know what to say. This gift was far too beautiful and precious for words. "Feliciano I..." I trail off, looking over at my friends uncertain face.
"Do you like it?"
"Ja, of course I like it! But this is so... so extravagant, I don't know how I can accept it-"
Feliciano cuts my rambling off with a wave of his hand. His smile is surprisingly sad. "I didn't pay a lot for it actually, just enough to finally have some words engraved. It was supposed to be a birthday present for my Grandfather, but he passed away a few months before I could give it to him. It's just been sitting at the bottom of my dresser, collecting dust for years."
It is the most difficult thing in the world, watching the man I love fight back tears, smiling in their stead. "I'm sorry if it seems weird, or cheap to give it to you... but I don't know... it just felt right." Feliciano amends, expression pensive.
"Nein," I whisper, scooting closer to take hold of one of his small, shaking hands, "it is the most thoughtful gift I've ever received. I love it, it means the vworld to me Feliciano."
Feliciano manages a tiny, wobbling grin. I trace the Italian words on the pocketwatch thoughtfully as I stare at him. "Can I ask vhat it means?"
A bright flush spreads across the bridge of Feliciano's nose, but he nods. "Tesoro mio, my treasure." It is all he says, but that was all I needed to know. Some how, I wasn't quite so afraid any more to tell him how I felt. In some way or another, I knew Feliciano loved me. Even if it would not be romantically like I hoped and dreamed, that man loved me as a treasured friend.
"Your turn," I eventually mumble, pulling us away from staring intently into one another's eyes as if we were in some stylish, black and white movie with a charming lead and demure love interest. Feliciano turns his attention to the strangely shaped gift I have set out for him.
Without a word he tears into the candy cane colored wrapping paper, though he at least shows some self control. Again, I don't think I have or will ever see some one rip through a wrapped gift faster than Alfred F. Jones. I nervously watch Feliciano, waiting for his inevitable reaction. I can only hope it will be a good one.
"Ludwig," Feliciano breathes as soon as the last bits of paper fall away to reveal the hand crafted shoe shine stool I had spent the last few days making for him. "You made this didn't you?"
I nod sheepishly at the look of awe and wonder on Feliciano's face. Without warning, Feliciano is hugging me so tight around the neck it's almost hard to breathe! "Grazie Ludwig! You have no idea how much this means to me." He's practically trembling with emotion as he speaks those words into the crook of my neck. I swallow heavily, wondering if he'll still be quite as thankful after what I will give him next.
"I-I um... I have one more present for you," I say, trying to sound as calm as possible.
Feliciano watches me curiously as I untangle our limbs and stand to walk over to my heavy coat that I have laid out over the back of the couch. "B-but um... you'll have to close your eyes before I give it to you." The curiosity only seems to burn brighter in Feliciano's eyes; like a cat eyeing a mouse. He doesn't ask questions, however, the little sweetheart. He just trusts me implicitly, and closes his eyes.
With shaking hands, and a rapidly accelerating heart beat, my sweaty palm close around the little bouquet I have stashed inside my inner coat pocket. I breathe deep, vainly attempting to calm my nerves, before I turn and walk back over to Feliciano with a purpose.
I take my place in front of him again, and scoot as close as I can get. Before I tell him to open his eyes, I want to drink up every last drop of this moment; bleed it dry, in case I will never get to see him like this again. So open, and innocently trusting. So damn beautiful.
"O-okay," I can barely trust myself to speak I am so nervous, "You can open your eyes."
It was finally the moment of truth. Feliciano's eyes slowly open, and he looks at me slightly confused, until he notices I am holding some thing over our heads. My face is on fire, and I have to look away shamefully as his gaze slowly travels up.
"Mistletoe," He simply states it, not even a hint of a question in his tone.
"Feliciano I..." I blurt out suddenly, and fall silent; trying desperately to not fuck this up. Taking a deep breath, I go on, "I know this may seem sudden, und terrifying- god do I think it's terrifying- but I... I think I'm in love vith you." With no small amount of uncertainty I gradually make eye contact with the man I just spilled my heart to. Feliciano's eyes are wide as the moon, and the hopeful bubble I foolishly allowed to swell inside my chest, pops with a sudden clarity. I want to scramble for excuses, make up some lie like this was all some stupid prank Alfred put me up to- until a dazzling smile spreads across Feliciano's face like sunlight breaking through gray clouds.
"Do you mean it Ludwig? Do you really love me?!" Feliciano sounds breathless with hope and uncertainty in equal measure, and I realize I am not the only one who can feel such a bittersweet cocktail of emotions.
"J-ja, I do. Very, very much. It's hard to handle it some times." The admission comes surprisingly easy now that my heart is out in the open for Feliciano to sordidly pick through. God his answering smile could set a thousand ships to sail.
Feliciano comes closer to me, his hands finding refuge upon my shoulders- a few soft movements to smooth out the wrinkles in my shirt. His mouth is so close, so beautifully tilted in the way I most adore. "I love you too Ludwig, since the day we ate lunch on the grass in the park and swapped silly stories. And you told me how much you admired my painting. The softness, the raw honesty... it pulled me to you, and I could not resist." Heavens above Feliciano has a way with words I never would. Every syllable fans with his breath across the side of my face making me feel so weak, and wanting.
His skinny arms lock behind my neck. My eyes fell closed as if he magically put me to sleep, my chin tilting up just enough to say 'please take what you need from me'. I drop the mistletoe I was still stupidly holding above our heads, my hands finding their place on either side of Feliciano's hips. And then, with more passion then I have ever felt in my 23 years, I find myself kissing Feliciano Vargas.
It is so achingly sweet, the simple press of his mouth against mine. It is an infinity, a brief infinity at least, before he pulls away from me. The lazy, absolutely joyous smile that radiates from Feliciano is infectious. With a shaky sigh, I let my forehead chase after him, and thunk it softly against his own. I smile, so incredulous- so happy. Happier than I can ever remember being before. My heart, that had begun to feel like a heavy burden to bare, was suddenly feather light and complete.
"Kiss me again Ludwig," Feliciano pleads shamelessly, that intense look in his golden-brown eyes again. Without another word, I let Feliciano have me for however long he wants. Our mouths melt into eachother's like snowflakes on warm skin. I don't know how or when, but my hands become buried in Feliciano's auburn hair. His own hands find their way under my shirt, palms pressed lightly over my heart.
I feel the first burning tendrils of arousal as Feliciano sucks at my lower lip. I pull away, chest heaving, and body trembling before I do some thing I know I might regret. Feliciano looks dazed, his pupils blown wide enough to almost engulf his warm irises.
"I-I think that might be enough kissing for now," I manage to get out around my heavy pants for air.
Feliciano pouts, the pitiful way his bottom lip pokes out almost breaking my resolve. It looks so inviting... but I shake myself and stand firm. "Really Feli... ve need to stop before I start some thing I von't be able to stop."
He looks at me, eyes widening when the meaning behind my words sinks in. "O-oh... yeah, that might be best." Feliciano moves away, and off of my lap; the blood pounding through my veins, and fueling the fire of my arousal, instantly regrets his absence. But this is for the best. I love Feliciano too much to move things far too fast between us. And I think he knows it.
"Merry Christmas," Feliciano whispers, moving close again, but this time to merely sit at my side and hold one of my hands in both of his. He lays his head upon my shoulder.
"Merry Christmas liebe." I place a kiss on the crown of his head and huddle close. Our love fills up the silence, as we watch the snowflakes fall outside our window, covering a new world in white.
E/N: *shiftily side eyes you guys* yeah, sorry I've been rather absent in the fanfiction world as of late. I've been putting a lot of time into writing one of my Original novels. It's a fantasy thing with a lot of awesome female main characters, and stuff. If you want to know more about it message me either here or on tumblr at bury-my-heart-at-baker-street
Please let me know if this chapter was tooth achingly sweet enough, i tried my best. Also, I highly recommend listening to a song called Turning Page by Sleeping at Last before reading this. It definitely puts you in a mood :)