Self-Expression (takes place after Pride and Prejudice and Zombies)
"In the home where the most intimate human relations hold, there is an atmosphere of affection and confidence, permitting full self-expression."
Forgetting completely about the tea kettle, he watched Amy, falling in love with her a little bit more.
Sheldon watched her, across the room, concentrating on her computer screen, knowing there were depths to her that he did not understand. He looked back down at the open book.
"Self-expression," it said.
More than once, Amy had told him that one of the things she loved most about him was that he was never afraid of being exactly who he was. He did not entirely understand this concept; who else would he be? But now he thought that maybe she was talking about self-expression. Was this quote, and by extension Amy, talking about the verbalization of ideas? He would have said he excelled at the verbalization of ideas. The explanation of an abstract idea, after all, was his life's work.
Except, well . . . "the most intimate of human relations." He rarely talked about that. (Still, years later, he was flummoxed by the memory of the day he volunteered to get the die from across his bedroom and verbalize things, physical things, to Amy. It was as though some strange Sheldon, a Sheldon from the future, perhaps, had travelled through time to help him. The whole experience still boggled his mind.) Sometimes, of course, it couldn't be helped. Whispering in the dark made it easier. But he was mostly content to let Amy talk about it. He was inclined to think she liked talking about it, especially right afterwards. If he did feel the need to ask her a question, she wasn't the least embarrassed to tell him every detail. She was more verbal than him, during, too. Surprisingly, he found he didn't mind, but he did not know if he enjoyed it just for the sound of her voice, her own excitement reflecting off of him, or if the words themselves lent power to the excitement. And Amy was a biologist, of course; was it because biological functions were surely ordinary to her that she could talk so easily about their intimate relations?
There was one phrase that Amy loved to hear, he knew, one phrase he rarely used. Not that he didn't feel it; in fact, he never ceased being surprised at how powerfully he felt it. It just wasn't something he often said, it just felt . . . strange in his mouth. But Amy loved it. He loved her. And, oh boy, he really felt it in that moment. It wasn't an abstract idea at all, so surely he was capable of expressing this to her, his wife. He shut the textbook and walked over to her.
"What are you doing?" he asked.
"Finding and sending this recipe to Raj that he asked about," she answered, not looking at him.
"It is urgent?"
"No." She looked up. "Why?"
"Because," he bent down to whisper in her ear, "I want you."
He saw her face flush. I've pleased her.
"Mmmm, do you, Dr. Cooper? Well, in that case . . ." She started to get up.
He gently put his hand on her shoulder. "Wait. First, I want to, um . . . I'm going to tell you what I plan on doing."
She raised her eyebrows and her eyes twinkled. He loved the twinkle. She eased back into the chair. "Okay. I'm listening."
Oh, Albert Einstein, this was bad idea. What do I say? "First, after I disrobe you, I am going to use my superior longitudinal tongue muscle on your lobulus auriculae in an undulating motion. Then, I am going to use that same muscle on your papilla mammaria and areola in a orbicular motion until you vellicate. After that -"
Amy put her hand on his arm. He stopped. "What? Is not the order you would prefer?"
"No, it's not that." She signed softly. "Have you seen that episode of Friends where Rachel starts dating the gynecologist, and he asks her if she wants to make coffee at home after making it all day at work?"
"I don't understand a single word of that sentence." Sheldon was frustrated. What had he done wrong? And why on earth would Amy start babbling about unrelated nonsense at a time like this? Oh, no, was it that bad?
"Never mind, bad example. It's just that, well . . . it's so very clinical when you say it that way."
"But I thought you would like it. It's scientific. And you like it when I try new things."
"Oh, Sheldon," she grasped his hand. "I like the idea of it very, very much. But when you say it that way, well," she shrugged, "it sounds like work."
Then he understood. He did not like it to be work, either; in fact, that was the exact phrase he had used with her when he told her he wanted to stop using the Kama Sutra (how embarrassed he had been talking about that!). "How should I say it?"
She smiled. "I like . . . euphemisms, allusions, things like that. I like to use my imagination."
"Euphemisms aren't really my forte."
"I know." She kissed the back of his hand. "So don't worry about it, then."
Sheldon nodded. He still felt the clutch of failure, but it was fading. Amy always said the right things. "I think the mood has dissipated hasn't it?"
"The night is still young. Maybe later."
"Indeed." He squeezed her hand and let it go. He went to his own computer, his mind churning.
Reading at his computer, he heard her stand even before she spoke. "I'm going to bed, Sheldon."
He closed his program. "I'll join you."
Their evening rituals firmly in place, they didn't need to speak. Sheldon undressed with his usual precision, and climbed nude into bed. He watched Amy undress with interest; he always loved it when he managed to get into bed before her. She was not so precise, she just threw things into the hamper, but he found this charming if unexplainable. He saw her glance furtively over at him, gauging his state of dress or undress. She lifted the covers up and slid in next to him, her naked skin brushing his. He turned off the beside lamp and rolled toward her, immediately pulling her lips to his.
Her lips were tracing his ear when he whispered, "Amy?"
"Mmmmmmm," was her only reply.
"I, uh, well, um," he cleared his throat and she pulled away from him. He forced himself to look the outline of her face. "Um, your body is an ivory pillar, a Grecian statue of such nobility and grace the gods weep in anguish. Your hair, your hair!, it so dark and deep that even a moonless night cannot contain it. When I gaze into your eyes, I can only see the ends of the earth. I long to whisper sweet nothings in your ear until you are full of them. I will kiss your lips of Cupid and drink from you, partaking of your honied soul. And then I will take my small, pink lingual organ and lap against your soft earlobe until I hear the murmuration of your gilded throat. Meanwhile, I will use my nimble digits to release your heaving bosom from its linen imprisonment. Once your powdery snowcaps are liberated, I shall stroke them with my palm until I attend you to moan upon the cold winter's air. At last, unable to contain my ceaseless passion, I shall take one of your delicate, pale rosebuds into my mouth and coddle it until you beseech me to -"
Amy put her hand upon his arm for the second that evening. He seethed. What is wrong this time? This is hopeless!
"Sheldon, have you been composing these florid words all evening?" she asked. But she sounded slightly breathless.
"I, uh, well, if you must know," he felt his cheeks flush, "I looked up an M-rated Pride and Prejudice fanfic. Because I noticed at the book store that you, uh, well you looked aroused when I repeated what you said about Mr. Darcy being randy. But I'm beginning to think it was poorly written."
Amy laughed, loud and full. As always, Sheldon thought the sound of her mirth just might make his heart explode. She was not angry.
"It is poorly written, isn't it?" he asked. "Is it too much?"
"Oh, yes, it's complete rubbish. But, no, it's not too much." She pulled him in for a kiss. "And, for the record, it wasn't Mr. Darcy that aroused me. It was you. It's always you. So be still my beating heart with your magniloquent prose, Mr. Cooper." Another deeper kiss. "I believe I was just about to beseech you to do some indecorous thing to my person."
"Quite indecorous, indeed, fair lady. You beseech me to . . ."
AN: Oh, Shelly . . . Thank you for your reviews!