Geno and I sit in silence on opposite sides of the room, him in one rocking chair cradling a sleeping Stella, gazing down at her with admiration. He just looks so tried, the dark circles under his eye sockets and the droopy way he holds himself gives him away completely. I rock in the other chair, frowning. How long has this been going on? It could be since I first met him, I've essentially heard everyone else's stories, but Geno is the only one who still refuses to talk.
I take my eyes off the two in the corner and stare up at the stars, projected by Stellas night light. Their pretty relaxing, but also are nothing like the real thing. I promise that as soon as Stella is old enough, maybe on her birthday. I'm taking them all to my favorite place to think, it's no where near the house, but still far from civilization as well. And it's beariiful, that's where stars really come alive.
"...I've got some explaining to do, yeah?" Geno sighed, glancing up at me with a tired smile. Guilt over runs me for forcing him into such an uncomfortable situation.
"Look, honey, if you don't want to talk about this, I'm not going to make you." I apologized, if he's not ready, we could do this some other time.
"No, you deserve some type of explanation, I can't keep running from this. Who knows, maybe this will bring me some kind of consolidation as well." He chuckles dryly before looking back down at the infant in his arms. Rocking her a bit, he closes his eyes and sighs.
"I used to have family too, friends, people that I loved and did my best to protect...but..." He gives himself a moment to gather his bearings and releases a shakey sigh. Getting up, he lays Stella down gently back in her crib. He doesn't turn to face me though, hunched over the cribs railing, he grips it so tightly, I'm almost worried he'll splinter the wood under his boney fingers.
"A child came, they seemed...off...when they showed up, I kept a close eye on them though. But it wasn't enough, I wasn't enough..." He turns around, his face streaked with fresh tears, he lets them flow freely, not trying to wipe them as they dampen his jacket. The glitch on his face flickering and morphing in agitation. But I know better than to approach him right now, not while he's speaking.
"They...murdered...everyone, every single person, there were no survivors. And then they killed me." He's...dead? His fingers ghost over his rib cage and he almost reaches up and touches the pixels covering his right eye, but at the last moment, he hesitates, clenching his hand into a fist he chooses to set it back against his side.
"When I...woke up. I was surrounded not by darkness, but engulfed in...black? I later knew the space to be called the 'save screen', it kept me alive, or stopped time for me physically, at least. But I was alone, isolated. Not that I had anyone left, and if I ever left the save screen, life would continue, and I'd die." I shoot to my feet at the point, the rocking chair banging loudly against the door, I freeze to make sure that the baby is still asleep and continue once I'm sure that she is.
"Geno?! -" He stops my quiet bawling with a hand, silencing me.
"But when I met you, and you accepted me as your mate, this band..." He pulls up his sleeve, revealing the still golden sparkling bracelet.
"Acts almost like life support, keeping me alive. But, these wounds..." his hands wave over his chest and the face.
"Will never go away, or heal, for that matter. My body is simply frozen in time..." I slowly walk up to him, almost like approaching a wild animal that I don't want to scare off. I don't wipe away his tears, I don't say anything either. There are no possible words to fix a lifetime of trauma, but instead I spread my arms, offering a silent hug. He gladly accepts it, blanketing my body with his own, hanging on tight, as if I could disappear at any moment.
I hold him against me, his shoulders shaking and him sniffling in a silent sob. I let him, stroking his skull lovingly, letting him blubber and cry.
"I'm sorry I'm so messed up, I'm sorry I can't be perfect, I'm sorry for crying like a baby, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry..." I couldn't stand here and let him blame himself for things he had no control over, so I try to console him.
"Your not messed up, you are perfect, everyone needs a shoulder to cry on sometimes, it's okay, it's okay, it's okay." He goes silent, just shaking and shivering against my shoulder. Although I can still feel tears soaking the fabric of my shirt. I'm startled when he suddenly lifts me up and carries me bridal style to the rocking chair in the far corner of the room where I came from. He plops down, me still in his arms and hugs me close.
"I don't know how I ended up with someone as extraordinary as you, y/ n..." He purrs, his grip tightening around my body. I sigh, rubbing my hand across his chest, feeling the bumpy fabric of his jacket underneath my palm.
"You mean the world to me, Geno. Never forget that." I lean back against him, how did Stella remain asleep through all of this? I giggle quietly.
"What?" Geno prods my side, only making me laugh harder.
"Sorry, I think Stella inherited your sleeping schedule." I say quietly, trying to keep her that way.
"Heh, probably." Genos body vibrates against mine as we both laugh. Calming down, I look back up at the stary ceiling, reminding myself of my promise I made to her, to everyone. But their nothing like the spectacular ones I know, I'll show them one day.
"Their nothing like the real thing, though." Geno comments, I look up at him.
"The real things twinkle and shine in a way the can not be replicated. They make you feel like both the center of the universe and just a small spec of dust at the same time. When I look at them, just for a moment, all the bad things don't exist and it's just me and the stars..." whoa, Geno really has a thing for describing stuff, and he does it so beautifully too. Explaining something so perfectly is a gift. I tap Genos arm to bring him back to reality.
"Hey, you okay?" Geno doesn't respond, just keeps staring at the ceiling, seeming to be in a silent mental conflict with himself. Finally, he opens his mouth the speak.
"...can we pretend that the world doesn't exist...just for tonight?" I would be insane not to accept his shy request. There's just so much going on for the both of us. Between the child and the rest of them and our own personal wars, we could both use a little time just to space out. Just to get a little peace, to stop trying to pretend to be happy, to pretend that everything is okay.
Taking this time, to stop, to think.
"Sure...just for tonight..." I close my eyes, I take all that pent up anger, stress, fear, and negativity. And set it all free with one long exhale.