Chapter Thirty

Aftermath

Pitch cried, hitching sucked in breaths that led to quiet whimpers and sniffles as he thought mournful thoughts to the tune of, 'Why me?' or 'Why didn't I just…' many versions of what he could have done differently played different scenarios through his mind of ways this could have gone so much better for him if only he'd (insert option A through Z) instead of what he'd chosen to do. Hindsight is twenty-twenty after all. These thoughts plagued Pitch as his silent woeful tears continued to leak unerringly into his pillow. He finally grew too drained to cry drifting into a listless state and eventually succumbing to an exhausted dreamless sleep.

It was an hour or two later when a heavy handed knock sounded on Pitch's door.

Pitch's eyes shot open, and it wasn't until the second knock came that his senses returned to him, and he stuttered, "Ca… come in!"

North opened the door and poked his head in to look at Pitch. "You ready for walk?"

Pitch's head rose from his pillow, his yellow eyes glinting from under the covers regarding North as he nodded. He didn't want to waste the chance he had as Pitch was most certain this may be the last chance he might get to leave his room today especially since it was getting close to sun down, and North would be retiring to his lounge or office for the evening.

Pitch slid out of his covers and off the edge of the bed backwards so as to avoid any direct contact of harder surfaces to his much punished posterior. As Pitch had rested, he'd managed to forget the pains in his rear, but now as he moved about, the sensitive skin on his backside prickled and chafed to the point he was aware of every fold in the loose fabric of his clothes and the feel of the light weight of the covers. He felt the stiffness within his muscles as he stood knowing that he would also feel the dull ache scorched into him with every step. Pitch scowled as another wave of self-pity washed over him. Life was so very unfair to him.

He turned now towards North unable not to wear a small sad pout on his lips as a testament to his own misery coming off of him in waves.

North stood, waiting for Pitch to go first. "Any place in particular you wish to go?"

"I want to go check on the reindeer," Pitch's answer was immediate as he'd been thinking on and off about the deer since North had remarked on Frost tending to them. His jealous mind more so just wanted to assure that Frost was not there with them, so he could find a little solace in the familiarity of 'his' stables.

North nodded. "Alright," He stepped out of the room and followed behind Pitch.

Moving quickly through the hub, Pitch noticed with disdain the ill regard that the yetis and even the elves afforded him. His eyes fell to the floor a mixture of shame and sadness working over him as he pouted muttering softly to North, "If looks could kill… They didn't like me before, I suppose they hate me now."

"They will get over it, in time." North replied. "It will be quicker if you gave them reason to trust you again."

Pitch huffed in annoyance, "It's not like they had to confront that foul machine or the magical beasts! I may not have eliminated all of the nasties, but I neutralized the threat, and you shut down the robot, so what do they have to be so angry about?"

North purposely put a heavy foot down right next to Pitch's heels to spur him forward. "YOU caused it in first place! Or have you forgotten?"

Pitch jumped the scowl falling off his face with deafening immediacy, "No! Uh… no! Of… of course not!" Pitch visibly shrank turning to face North fully in fear that the Cossack might otherwise surprise him with a painful reminder. "I… I didn't mean it like that!" Pitch's eyes had grown wide with the fear of North thinking he may have not yet learned his lesson.

North lifted an eyebrow. "Good. Glad to hear it," he said, pointing forward for Pitch to move. "Pitch, this is our home. When something gets damaged, we have to stop and fix it. Problems do not fix and clean themselves up." North continued when the Boogeyman began walking again. "When your little 'accidents', as you call them, made mess, it is my job as well as yetis' job to clean it up and repair it. It will cost us time—time we could be spending on toy making. When you do things you shouldn't do, you make everyone suffer along with you."

Pitch walked rigidly at first making sure to scuttle to the side of North far enough to be out of swatting range. He didn't know why he felt so on edge now regarding the man, but North had instilled a newfound respect and wariness in the nightmare lord making Pitch watch his words much more carefully for fear of upsetting the man. Still, North's words stung Pitch, and he felt guilty all over again for causing everyone so many headaches, "I… I know. I am sorry… I never meant to cause any strife for any one else," Pitch looked down at his feet as they walked the small frown on his face trembled a moment as Pitch fought to control the roiling of emotions that bowled through him. In the past, such situations he'd look on with amusement or indifference, but now, he had to endure what his actions had caused on a level where the displeasure of others with him actually mattered to him and created these feelings of remorse. It was especially hard to cope with he found.

North regarded Pitch in silence as they walked, noting that his words apparently had hit home.

Pitch took in a deep breath as they left the main building to exit into the outside air. It wasn't quite dark, but the sky was tinged with the fading light of the sun leaving layers of baby blues to coat the heavens and shades of reds and purples to illuminate in the clouds. Pitch had always liked this time of day seeing it as the night coming to snuff out the light's last embers of fight to die in a continuous battle as the dark overtook it. It was pleasing and peaceful.

The stables seemed quiet, and much to Pitch's relief, the winter sprite was nowhere to be found. Pitch glanced back up at North thinking on what he'd said about asking Jack to tend to his deer, and he had to know if he had now, "So… did …did you speak to Frost about the reindeer then?"

"Not yet," North replied. "I will speak with him tomorrow."

They moved into the stable, and Pitch moved over to Donner's stall. The reindeer was quick to lower its head and nuzzle his cheek. Pitch's pout deepened as he stroked the reindeer lovingly holding back a noise of displeasure lurking to escape his throat. The longer he stood here though reminiscing on this particular enjoyment now tinted in the despair of having it ripped away from him, the harder it was not to voice his distress concerning it, "Why can't I take care of the deer! I don't want Frost subverting everything I've worked so hard to foster within them! He's got that weird …thing he does! They need me, not him!" Pitch's voice rose into a whine edging with his frustration.

North scowled at Pitch's griping. "Because you are going to be busy with repairs and then grounded. Jack doing your job with deer is not permanent. It is only for one week."

"I can't care for them between repairs? That's more than a week! The grounding alone is a whole week! And with Jack it could take only a week to change my reindeer irreparably! What if they no longer listen to me and …and start following him!" Pitch railed hotly his jealousy rearing its ugly head formidably as these thoughts began to once more run rampant. Pitch couldn't stand it, and being in such close proximity to Donner now made these thoughts cut him like a dagger.

"They are my reindeer, Pitch," North corrected. "You are caring for them. I suspect that you will be too busy to care for them during repairs." He looked at Pitch. "Why are you so afraid of Jack filling in for you for short time?"

Pitch fumed not wanting to answer and waved off the question with a curt retort, "It doesn't matter how I feel; you've made that abundantly clear. Let's just go. I don't want to be here anymore." Pitch gave Donner's muzzle one more pat before spinning away to quickly leave the stables. He'd thought coming here would ease his mind, instead it served to upset him more Pitch found.

North rolled his eyes and followed after Pitch, glaring at him.

Pitch felt North's glare on him, and although it sent a thrill of alarm through the boogeyman, he steeled himself not to reply further thinking on where else he wanted to go. It was hard to find peace when he was used to doing so alone. Having North walking around as his shadow was irksome to say the least. It made him feel like he couldn't do anything he wanted to do (even though the places he may have gone would not have mattered to North so much as to have been private alcoves that Pitch had found and carved out as secret to him.)

Pitch didn't want to go back to his room and just sulk the rest of the night away (although inevitably, he would end up doing just that.) Finally Pitch glanced back carefully at North who still followed silently behind him as Pitch walked along the base of the outside wall wanting to see for himself the carnage that he'd wrought now that the fires had all died down, "How long do you think it will take to fix the conveyer systems?"

"Hard to say," North replied with a shrug. "Depends on how fast you and yetis work. Could take several days, could take a week."

Pitch nodded soberly. Originally he had planned to stretch the job out, but when it became clear that he would be subjected to this semi-punishment before his actual punishment left Pitch wanting to make sure he finished as swiftly as he could just to get back to his regular routine.

Coming upon the landfill now, Pitch looked out at the desolation of the burned hole and the charred remains of many of the parts of the elaborate mechanism that North had created and installed. "Well… at least it doesn't stink as badly having most of that aging trash burned away," Pitch offered lightly with an apprehensive half smirk.

North found no humor in the jesting. He stood next to Pitch, gazing out at the sad scene.

Pitch's smile faded as he cleared his throat looking down and kicking absently at a piece of the wreckage, "It… it looks pretty bad; I know."

"It can be repaired to be like new again." North said, simply.

Pitch brought his eyes back to take the vision in as he sighed and nodded; his curiosity had sparked a want to see what had become of the landfill once he'd been shooed away, but now it resonated regret as he stated softly, "I… I am really very sorry North. I never meant to cause this much havoc… this many problems for you. I'm surprised that I didn't automatically assume that you'd toss me back to the nightmares although I can't say I would have blamed you after the level of destruction I caused you." Pitch was staring at the ground once more his shoulders slouched in misery as his guilt hit a crescendo now to fully see the folly of his actions here.

"Do you really think I am that cruel, Pitch?" said North. "That every time you make mistake or do something wrong, I will throw you into abyss?"

Pitch shrugged unable to look at North, "I… I don't know. It's the way we have always done things… before recently. I… I guess I thought eventually you'd grow weary of me," Pitch's voice sounded despondent with a hint of troubled worry. He was afraid that one day his 'accidents' would be the last straw, and the man would eventually lose patience with him and see him as a lost cause. Pitch did want to do better, but honestly, the man's standards were challenging to adhere to for Pitch even if they seemed simple enough. Pitch was a stubborn man; he'd always been stubborn to a fault, and in instances like this, it worked against him horribly so.

"I have grown weary of you." North confessed. "But just because you grow weary of someone, it does not mean you give up on them."

North's words stung Pitch more than he'd admit. He was happy to hear that North didn't have plans to give up on him, but the truth that he had grown weary of him weighed on his heart. Pitch only nodded lightly, "I… I understand." He wanted to leave now to escape this horrible feeling that tugged at him as he turned back towards the main building quickly heading back to his room to leave these feelings behind with the wreckage.

North turned and followed after Pitch as quickly as he could, knowing that what he had said was taken the wrong way by the man.

Pitch did not speak as he glided silently along with his head down and a small pout on his face. He made his best efforts to avoid the busiest parts of the hub as he darted around the yetis and elves trying to make it back to his room as swiftly as he could being quite finished with the outing and only wanting to be alone once more.

After losing sight of Pitch, North made his way back to the Boogeyman's room, thinking that's where he was most likely headed. When he got there, he knocked on the door. "Pitch?"

Pitch had retreated back under his blankets, laying on his stomach and pulling his pillow into him wanting to shut everything and everyone out. He had hoped North would have seen him go into his room and been done with him. After all, he only put a strain on the man he thought bitterly. Hearing the knock he spat, "I came back!" He thought the man was just making sure he'd done as he was told and returned to his room.

"I would like to come in, Pitch." North softly said.

"I'm not stopping you," he stated with melancholy undertones. He hoped he hadn't upset the man now that he thought about it taking off across the hub as he had went against North's edict for having a chaperone. Pitch now felt slightly anxious as North opened his door. Pitch kept himself buried under his covers as he clenched his pillow tightly curling in a ball around it as if it would keep him grounded.

North walked over and sat down on the side of the bed. "Pitch," he said, softly. "What I said back there... I think you took it wrong way."

Pitch remained silent although he was listening raptly.

"Yes, I have grown weary of you. I will not lie. I've had a lot of moments where I've thought I did wrong thing by taking you in, and I wondered what it was that I was supposed to do with you." North sighed, "But I have seen change in you, and it gives me hope that I am traveling down right path."

Pitch didn't know what to say to that, and so he remained silent. What North remarked left him with a mix of negative and positive feelings that made Pitch more confused than ever! He felt like such a burden now as he squeezed his eyes shut gripping his pillow a little tighter. Out of all the guardians, Pitch would never admit it, but he needed and sought North's approval most. He was akin to a father figure to him now, and any form of indifference or displeasure North directed towards him tore at the very fiber of his being.

"Whatever you may be feeling right now," North said, softly, "I want you to know that you are not problem. We have had ups and downs and we will probably continue to have ups and downs. But whatever happens, I want you to know that you are not unwanted. Don't ever feel that you are not welcome here."

Pitch sighed working to hold his tears back, it did make him feel better to hear North say that he was wanted although now he wasn't sure if he did so just to placate him into behaving for the betterment of everyone around him. It was a dangerous precipice in their relationship to teeter on. Pitch was vulnerable in so many ways now that his fragile ego always seemed to feel threatened by his standing within their little circle where he was a part of it yet still outside looking in. He wasn't a guardian, and he likely never would be leaving holes of inadequacy to well within him and lodge in his throat now like shards of glass. He muttered a barely audible strained, "Okay," because he didn't know what else to say.

"We really do want you to become part of family." North continued. "You are a part of it now, regardless if you want to accept us as part of yours or not."

Family… what did that even really mean for him? He wanted one, and he wanted to be accepted more than he or any of them understood. He always felt so lost in this way. He responded tentatively, "I do want a family… I just don't know if I'll ever make the cut to be a part of yours," as he said this a wave of sadness passed though him.

"Make the cut? Pitch, being part of a family is not the same as putting in for job. You are accepted in this family no matter what."

"No… I'm not," his voice wavered, "I know I'm not. It's a constant struggle. I'm not like any of you, and even when I try, I don't think I can ever reach your expectations." Pitch was trying hard not to let the tears that now glazed over his eyes to spill, but he was hard pressed to do so. He took in a deep breath willing his emotions to pull back and ebb into a state of calm. Why did he have to get so worked up? He didn't understand why these feelings came to him so quickly begging for validation. It was an odd sensation that he rode like the wind in a storm whipping him about with no real direction tumultuous and uncontrollable.

North placed his hand on Pitch's back. "You do not have to be like us to be part of family. Many different people make up family. If it makes you feel better, you are not the only one that I've had to take over knee."

Pitch was curious now, anyone else having to suffer his fate meant he was not alone in that regard, and it was something he wanted hear, "Oh?" Pitch found the nerve to part the blankets enough to see North's face now although North could only see the glint of silver eclipses reflecting off his pupils.

North smiled lightly. "You already know Jack Frost holds record on naughty list."

"Jack had mentioned that he'd gotten in trouble with you once. He must have done something colossal to get you on to him," Pitch mused.

"Colossal would be good word." North nodded.

"Well now, don't leave me hanging! What happened?" Pitch poked his head out of the covers now with a renewed exuberance to hear his tale.

North turned a look to Pitch, an eyebrow rising. "You seem awfully eager."

Pitch frowned not wanting to say that Jack hadn't told him the story for whatever reason (which of course had peaked his curiosity ever more!) He instead justified, "Eager isn't quite the term I'd use, just curious is all. Who doesn't like an interesting story?"

North hesitated a few minutes, as if it took a lot of effort to gather his thoughts together. "It was prank gone wrong." he started. "Jack froze some of the gears to one of toy making machines for whatever reason connected with his prank. Something went wrong, whole machine went kablooie. Did a lot of damage and badly injured a lot of yetis."

Pitch winced thinking the fact that there were injuries likely added to North's fury. "That does sound rather bad. I'm glad my accident had no casualties. Although I doubt you fashioned a horrible instrument of torture for Frost," Pitch added bitterly.

"What I used on him is no one's business but our own." said North.

Pitch caught the fact North mentioned he had in fact used something making Pitch smirk, "Well, I gather as long as he got what he deserved." Pitch couldn't help but look smug knowing that Jack had messed up worse than he had. Oh was he planning on giving the trickster a hard time now!

North turned a look to Pitch. "Just like you," he reminded.

Pitch's smirk faltered into a grimace as he grumbled, "At least what I did wasn't intentionally orchestrated." Pitch wanted to feel he at least one upped the boy in some degree to make himself feel better.

North wanted to comment on that, but he thought better about it. While Pitch's mishap might have been due to accidents, it was still brought about by highly questionable means that were intentional.

Pitch seemed mollified by North's silence; Frost was definitely going to get Pitch's opinion on his escapade. That was going to be amusing! Especially since Frost had so adamantly refused to tell Pitch. This thought made Pitch smile once more thinking on the hard time he planned to give the boy.

"Just remember that yours was the result of intentional actions." North finally said at last, noting the look on the Boogeyman's face, "And there could have been casualties, including your own. If I had not been there to stop robot in time, we would have been cleaning you up along with everything else." He pointed a finger at Pitch. "That is also why you get spanking. To help protect you from yourself."

Pitch blushed fiercely at North's admonishment especially the need to mention spanking him was also to protect him from himself. That was a bit of a low blow Pitch thought scowling now. He didn't want to comment on this as his mouth worked to direct the conversation elsewhere, "You... you said you would bring me books, maybe we should take a trip there, so I can pick some myself?" Pitch was worried North would end up bringing him awful choices for him to read.

North nodded. "Sure, why not?" He got up off the bed.

Pitch followed North to the library, and deciding it'd likely be best to give North back his spell page, so he could put it away back in the roll top desk where it belonged rather than to find it later folded between the pages of the random book Pitch had thrown it in. Pitch pulled the page out, smoothed it out, and sheepishly grinning, he handed it back to North, "Uh, I thought you might want this back."

North took the page from Pitch's hand, not saying a word. He walked over to the desk, unlocked it, and put the spell page back with the rest of the pages before closing and locking the desk again.

Pitch breathed a sigh of relief as North walked away with the page. He was glad North hadn't been mad about the condition of the page after the warning he'd given upon their first visit to the library on how Pitch needed to care for the books especially the older ones.

"Pick out as many books as you like." said North, walking around the shelves and scanning the titles while he waited.

Pitch took his time now wanting to pick enough books to keep him occupied as well as something he'd actually find interesting.

"Take your time." North added.

Pitch was pleased that North didn't rush him in this endeavor and actually kind of enjoyed the shared space now even though the two weren't speaking. North had picked up a book and was reading while Pitch continued to peruse the books finding more than he'd suspected to find interesting in North's library. After having spent almost three hours moving through the tomes, Pitch had picked out ten books that he found to be of the most interest hoping between these and his painting that he wouldn't get too bored in the week he was destined to be restricted to his room. The thought that North would even tack that on as an additional punishment to his spanking still nettled him. As if he hadn't already suffered enough! "Alright North, I think I've got a few good ones here to keep my interest."

North closed the book he'd been reading and got up from his chair. The man spent long enough, he thought. But then again he had told him to take his time. "Are you sure you have all you need?"

Pitch smirked, "Oh I don't know, I suppose I could look around on some of those back shelves over there," Pitch was surprised North would even ask. Pitch didn't really need any more, but then, he also didn't relish the idea of getting put back in his room for the remainder of the night. If he could stretch it out, he could spend most of the night here in the library.

North seated himself again, opening up his book. "You are free to do so, but I will tell you that I will only wait here another hour, then you are going back to room. I have business to attend to later."

Pitch pouted at the time limit, but he was happy enough to get another hour. Pitch was sure to use the whole of the hour North granted (since he wasn't planning on going back to his room any time sooner than when North announced they had to go.) He continued to look through the shelves in a laxidasical fashion finding another two books to add to his pile along the way.

"You have fifteen minutes left." North lazily announced.

Pitch sighed, "Has it really almost been an hour?" Pitch knew it had likely been longer, but thinking he might guilt North into staying a little longer was worth the attempt.

"Yes," North said simply, not looking up from his book. "Hurry up and finish."

Pitch scoffed his lip quirking slightly at the request. Pitch never liked to be rushed. Not that it mattered he thought, they had been here long enough he supposed, so until North had decided their time was up, he'd just continue meandering about browsing the books.

When the fifteen minutes passed, North closed his book and got to his feet. "Pitch, time's up. Let's go."

"Very well," he sounded almost put-off as he moved around back to his stack of books slowly and picked them up. "So then will you be coming by in the morning, so I can take care of the reindeer?" Pitch asked off-handedly.

"I can if you wish." North replied, opening the library door and motioning for Pitch to go first.

Pitch smiled, "I would!" This could work out pretty well Pitch thought as they were walking back to his room. If North wanted to accompany him around when he went to take care of the reindeer then perhaps this whole escort thing wouldn't be so bad. It'd almost be like having an entourage. As long as North was willing to go where he wished, Pitch could have company as he wandered about, and he could go back to his room when he was tired of having company.

North nodded. "At what time you wish to take care of deer?"

"Oh I usually like to start a little before dawn. I prefer to work before the sun comes out," Pitch stated pleased that North seemed amiable.

"Fine, I will stop by to pick you up."

"Perfect!" Pitch stated perkily as they finally made it back to his room.

"And you'd better do your chores this time instead of changing mind when we get there." said North.

Pitch's brow raised as North opened the door for him to enter, "Changed my mind? Oh no, I just wanted to see the reindeer, I'd already done my chores this morning."

North raised an eyebrow. "You mean to tell me you were out of room after I told you to stay here?"

Pitch's eyes widened. It hadn't occurred to him when he'd said it that he was disobeying North's orders and admitting to it now. He sputtered, "Uh, well not exactly. I… I only came out to take care of the reindeer, but …but it was with Toothiana's permission! I thought I should make sure the deer didn't get overlooked with… with everything else that was going on. I came right back afterward I swear it!"

Hearing that Toothiana had been Pitch's escort helped to quell some of the anger that had been rising in North. After studying Pitch a few minutes, he nodded. "Okay. Since Tooth was escort, I will let it slide."

Pitch breathed a sigh of relief visibly relaxing. He had quickly backed into his room away from North at the first hint that he may get in trouble for what he'd done, and now that everything was okay, he moved over to the bookshelf in his room and set the books on one of the shelves. He softly remarked back to North as he did so, "Thank you for being understanding. I didn't want the reindeer to suffer on my account."

North eyed Pitch silently, gave a quick nod, and closed the door, leaving Pitch alone in his room.

Pitch watched as North evaluated him momentarily before leaving. He wondered what the Cossack had been thinking. The sudden thrill of fear he'd felt moments ago had Pitch looking back up at the wall now with a scowl to see the strap once more, a horrible reminder of a few hours earlier. It was enough for Pitch to decide now to take one of his paintings to hang on the nail and effectively cover the strap from his view. That was much better Pitch decided as he backed away from the wall to appraise the view.

Now that he was alone again, Pitch moved back to his bed and crawled on top of it with a sigh. Normally he'd have been content to be here relaxing on his comfy bed after so many hours wandering about, but the fact that he wasn't allowed to leave was grating on him. It was the principal of the matter that nettled him so greatly. He'd already been punished, why did North want to make him so miserable? It wasn't as if he wasn't already a prisoner! Pitch fumed now in impotent rage, but after a short while abandoned it in place of resignation as his thoughts drifted back to the carnage at the landfill site. His thoughts returned to that cold realization when he'd looked up to see death looming in the face of that machine, Pitch had never been so happy to hear North's booming voice. He really had brought this down on himself no matter how much he wished he could deny it, he had to at least partially acknowledge he'd gotten what he'd deserved, and punishment aside, he was glad he hadn't become a smear on the wall.