He ran through the village again, almost getting hit by a car, dodging around people and shouting "Get out of my way!" the whole time.
He arrived at her cottage in record time, breathless and holding a stitch in his side. He could see her through the window sitting on the couch holding her head in her hands, shoulders slumped and, somehow, defeated looking. He threw the door open and entered, never even thinking of knocking. "Al said you were ill. Let me examine you." He checked her vitals and then started ranting. "Pulse racing, blood pressure raised, no color. What imbecilic thing have you done now? Oh yes, you went for a scan today. You probably rode that wretched bus instead of just asking me to take you. That would be too easy, wouldn't it? Over seven months pregnant and riding the bus! What did they say?"
While he scolded, he got a cold cloth and pressed it against her forehead, removed her tight shoes, gently laid her back and put her feet up on the sofa.
For the first time since he had known her, she didn't snap back at him.
"Louisa, tell me what's wrong. I can help you and the baby. For god's sake, answer me!"
Sighing, she started to sit up but he pushed her back down. "No, stay still. You need to rest. You can talk lying down."
She pressed the cold cloth to her eyes and shook her head a little as if trying to block out an image, before answering, "Do you know who my doctor is? No? Well it's your friend, Edith. She was… less than pleasant. Less than … So, to make it less stressful for me, I'm going to register at Wadebridge tomorrow and let the County midwife deliver him when it's time. And she can buggar off."
He was surprised at this. "Wadebridge? Why? I'm not surprised that Edith is your doctor. They give her space for her research and, in return, she handles some of the OBGYN duties. Granted she's unpleasant but is also a very knowledgeable doctor."
"It takes more than knowledge, Martin. I don't want her to be my doctor if there's any way I can avoid it. It's very awkward knowing that my baby doctor has a history with the father of my baby, and from the sound of it, a future, too." Now she was getting her spirit back.
He was stunned, "What are you talking about? Yes, we knew each other many years ago" he started to say but she interrupted with,
"More than knew. You were engaged and devastated when she broke it off."
"and were briefly engaged and, yes, she broke it off to go to Canada. That was the best thing that could have happened to me. And I certainly wasn't devastated. There's no 'future' for us. It's ridiculous for you to even think that. If you don't want her to be your doctor, fine. It's your choice. Now, tell me what they said about the scan
Eyes bright with unshed tears, she reached for her handbag and pulled out the picture of the scan and watched his face as he looked at their child for the first time. That was the Martin that she loved. Face it! She loved this difficult and maddening man and there was no changing that fact. And he loved the baby. It showed in his expression.
"Edith said it's SGA and scheduled more tests for me. Martin, is our baby is trouble? I got all the technical information but no assurance about his health. Is he ok?"
He carefully studied the small picture of his living, breathing child. "Louisa, you can't base the well-being of a fetus on one scan. Some fetuses…"
She interrupted him, "Child Martin. Not fetus. That's our child!"
He continued, "Yes, our child. Some children are small through-out the gestational period. Some have growth spurts. I've done extensive studying about pregnancies and feel confident telling you that our baby is fine. Better now?"
"Yes, but all the tests. If it's fine why does she think I need all those tests?" She asked, still worried and with tears spilling out of her eyes.
His hands gentle, he wiped the tears off her cheeks and answered. "It's just a precaution. You shouldn't worry too much about them. Haven't you heard about babies that weigh over a stone and then some that weigh less than six kilograms? There's a wide range of 'correct measurements'. She's being thorough. That's all." He paused, expecting another rejection, "Do you want me to go with you for the tests? I know they've been explained to you but…"
"Yes, yes I would. But you said extensive studying. Why? Because of her?" she asked with more than a tinge of pettishness.
"You're pregnant. It makes sense that I would study it. Why would you think it has anything to do with her?" His answer was matter of fact.
He checked her vitals again and, very relieved, told her, "You pulse is fine as is your blood pressure. How's the headache? I can give you some paracetamol if you want. Here, you can sit up now. Would you like some tea?"
She was lost in her memories. This was how it was between them for that brief period. Why oh why did they let it go? She told him he wouldn't make her happy. Well, she certainly wasn't happy without him.
"Yes, tea would be good. I haven't had time to eat anything since breakfast. I'll walk to the shops and get something simple for dinner. Would you like to join me?" She asked, expecting a firm no. It was past his 6:00 deadline for eating.
"Yes, I would but you're to stay on the sofa and rest. He went to the refrigerator to pour her a glass of milk and there was none. "You're out of milk. Drink this water while I'm gone. You're probably dehydrated. I'll buy some milk. Better for you than tea. I can prepare something for our dinner easily enough. What would you like to have?"
The 'our dinner' pleased her. Knowing his preferences, she replied, "Fish sounds good. Whatever kind you want to cook. You always prepare the best vegetables so, if you don't mind, make that decision, too."
"Yes, I'll be back in half an hour. Don't do anything to exert yourself." And he left.
She had to wee again so made her way up the stairs, taking the water with her. It was good and cold. At least her legs were getting exercise with her having to go every five minutes! There were still the elephants in the room – London and Edith. Some food in her stomach would help. She felt as weak as the proverbial kitten so laid down with her feet up for a few minutes.
He came back with the groceries and she wasn't there! "Louisa! Where are you? I told you to rest! Are you trying to injure yourself for god's sake?"
She felt like yelling back at him but no more stress between them. No more fighting. There had already been enough. "I'll be there in a minute. Just had to wee. That's all."
He was looking for cooking utensils when she came down the stairs. "This kitchen is ridiculous! Don't you have a grilling pan?"
"Stop fussing! No, I don't have many cooking utensils yet. I rented my house furnished so left all of mine there. Can't you make do?" She asked as she sat down at the small kitchen table.
"Of course I can make do but I shouldn't have to! This whole situation is absurd! You've barely enough room to walk around. How are you going to live with a baby in this space?" He asked as he looked for seasonings and imagining her living in this awful place.
She waited in silence for him to look at her. She had questions too.
When she didn't answer him, he stopped and looked at her. "Well, aren't you going to answer me?"
"Martin, when were you going to tell me that you're moving back to London? And aren't you going to escort Edith to some symposium – for an overnight trip? Those facts surely have some bearing on our conversations." Keep calm she told herself.
"How did you find out about that? Never mind. Somehow you heard it from Edith. First of all, I've been wanting to tell you about London ever since you got back but we haven't exactly been getting along. Second, yes, I'm going to the symposium and Edith will be there as she's the speaker. That doesn't mean that I'm escorting her and I certainly won't spend the night with her. Some people from Imperial will be there and we have things to discuss. That's all."
"But you've been together a lot. Are you sure about not spending the night with her? She seemed pretty confident." The only thing that could have prevented her asking that question was tape over her mouth. "No, don't answer that. It's none of my business. Sorry."
"Maybe not but I assure you again that I have no desire to be with her. She showed up at the surgery one afternoon to ask me to help her write her report. I've always enjoyed things like that. And, she's been helping me with my phobia. That's all it was and I'm not responsible for what she thinks." He assured her.
"I'm thrilled that you can go back to surgery and to your life in London. You told me once that it was the only thing you were ever good at. A ludicrous statement by the way! Congratulations." She said sincerely.
"We'll talk more after you've eaten. You're still very pale. I'll have it ready in fifteen minutes. Here, drink a glass of milk while you wait." He said as he poured the milk and moved around a small and unfamiliar kitchen as if he cooked there every day – sure and precise movements.
After they finished the meal of low sodium and optimum nutrition, she felt much better and insisted that she clear up the dishes. He grunted and, since he could move more quickly than she could with her belly getting in the way, said, "No you won't. I'm perfectly capable of doing this. Why don't you take your shower while I'm here? We still have a few things to discuss and then you have an early night. You've had a stressful day."
She nodded and went back up the stairs. Just as well, she had to wee again. When she came out of the lavatory dressed in comfortable old pajamas that stretched across her stomach showing her 'outie', he was there in her bedroom hanging up her dress and straightening the room. "Let's get your laundry together and I'll do it before I leave. Is there anything else you need tonight? What's the matter? Do you feel ill again?" He asked as he felt her forehead.
"No, it's the baby. I think we're going to have a gymnast on our hands!" and she moved his hand to her stomach. He stood without moving while he felt for the first time the baby actually move. He had the same expression on his face as when he saw the scan.
"Ah hem. Well, that's perfectly natural and reassuring. The movements are strong." Said the doctor but the father kept his hand against the spot until the movement stopped. "Are you ready to retire? I think you should."
"You said we still had a few things to discuss so will you be alright up here while we talk? There's no chair for you. I'm feeling much better and don't mind if you want to go back downstairs." She offered.
"Are you sure? You have to work tomorrow even though you shouldn't. Alright, alright, don't look at me like that! I'll take these clothes with me and put them in your washing machine. Be careful on the stairs. I'll go first." He cautioned.
He put the clothes in the machine, found a basket of unfolded ones and brought them into the lounge area to fold. "He's certainly helpful to have around!" She thought.
He was in his element – being with her, caring for her and the baby. And no fighting. If it could always be this way! Leaving her and their baby for London seemed impossible.
"I've been meaning to speak to you about finances. Here's a check for $$$ for emergencies and I'll arrange to have a monthly draft put in your account. And you're still listed as my beneficiary. You and the baby won't want for anything. Understand?" He asked as he neatly folded her embarrassing maternity panties and huge bras.
"Yes, I do. Neither of us expected this but I never worried that you wouldn't be financially generous. You're a good man Martin. But he won't know you or you him and that's sad for you both." She said quietly.
"What do you mean? Of course he'll know me. I don't think I'll be a particularly good father but he'll know me." Her remark confused him.
She scoffed at that and replied, "You'd be a wonderful father but think about it Martin. When you go back to London, to the life you love and the people you know there, this place will be like a bad dream. You've hated everything about it since the first day you moved in. And, Edith will be waiting. Your visits will be more and more infrequent and then they'll stop all together. It's just human nature." She stated with sad certainty.
Now indignant, he said, "You're being morbid. I'll never leave you to bring up our baby without help. And I wish you'd get Edith out of your head. We're infrequent colleagues. That's all. And I don't hate everything here. There's Aunty Joan…and you."
She shrugged her shoulders in disbelief and asked, "When do you think you'll leave? Is your phobia cured?"
"I'm still working on the phobia. It's coming on very well. And, I have to give Edith some credit for my success. She's brought me bags of blood to deal with. As to when I'll leave, there are some plans I'm formulating so can't answer that yet." He sounded confident and she loved him enough to really be pleased in spite of him mentioning Edith.
They sat silently, both trying to think of another reason for him to stay. "There's something else, I'd like to meet the mid-wife and take you to Wadebridge to register. Is that acceptable?"
"Yes, please. I'd like your opinion of her qualifications and for you to meet the doctors." And there was silence again.
"Well, are you ready to go to bed now? Alright, I'll come up with you." He so badly wanted to stay just a little longer. Or better still, take her back to the surgery with him.
"I have to wee first. I feel like a leaky water balloon!" She grumbled.
He turned down her blankets and made sure she was comfortable and well covered. Now there really wasn't another reason to stay. He had told her on that awful day that she wouldn't make him happy. What a fool he had been! Roger Fenn told him that he was a miserable buggar. Well, without her, he was a thoroughly miserable buggar!
He looked down at the picture she made and thought how many times he had imagined her just like this. Sable hair spread across the pillow, eyes and lips soft and inviting. He remembered the feel of her silky skin under his hands and his body reacted despite his best efforts to control it. God! She's beautiful! The words 'I love you' trembled on his lips but he couldn't say them yet. As he had told her, he was working on some plans. "You're so very beautiful, Louisa. Call me at once if there's anything you need and I'll be here. Sleep well." And he walked quickly out of the room before he embarrassed them both by begging to be allowed to stay.
She whispered good night to his retreating back, desperate for him to stay. But no, he had made it clear that she wouldn't make him happy. And, there was still Edith lurking in the back of her mind.