The next day went normally for them both. She at the school and he at the surgery. People noticed that she was quieter and looked sad. A bright spot was when he called her just to make sure that she was ok and not overdoing it. Regrets are a terrible thing and she realized that if only she had always understood that his actions were out of concern for her wellbeing and not to dominate or criticize her, they would still be together.
Sam had helped him examine his conduct and made him realize that his behavior had been too much like a superior dealing with an underling who needed instruction instead of an intelligent woman with whom he was lucky enough to have as a lover. She deserved better from him.
"Tosser!" was flung at the Doc by many of the villagers and several "How could you!"s. He didn't notice any of it. His legendary scowl wasn't quite as ferocious as it had been for the past few weeks.
The doctors in Wadebridge concurred with Martin's assessment of the scan and the rest of the tests were all positive. Louisa disliked Edith even more. Excellent doctor my active bladder!
By unspoken agreement, he came to her cottage every night for the next few weeks. Mindful of Sam's advice, he asked Louisa after the first week, if she wanted him to prepare their meal or go to a restaurant.
He told her his idea, "I think we should make plans to eat out more frequently. Or just go for a drive if you prefer. There are many scenic drives from which to choose."
Stunned for a moment, she suggested, "That would be delightful. I know you prefer to eat at home but there are some good restaurants that would meet your high standards. And it's fun to put on your prettiest dress and go out with a handsome man. Thank you, Martin. But let's limit our outings to no more than once a week and we take turns choosing what we want to do. After all, it's only a few weeks until you leave."
She couldn't have come up with a more perfect answer but he grunted in disagreement at the handsome remark and he ignored the part about him leaving. "Yes. You choose first."
"Well, how about trying that new Tintagel Restaurant this Friday evening. It has a perfect health rating and a healthy choice menu. Is that somewhere you would be comfortable eating?"
If she had said a fish and chip stall, he would have agreed but silently gagged at the thought of all that grease. But she didn't. "Yes, that would be acceptable. Is fish alright with you tonight?"
She nodded and bent over to pick up some papers and he gulped at the sight of her dress stretching over that perfect bum. Even if he thought she trusted their relationship enough to resume sexual relations, he wouldn't risk the health of the baby by suggesting it.
She would catch herself remembering what his body felt like pressed against hers and grieve for what was lost between them. After all, he was going to London and would be just an occasional visitor who was visiting his child. Sex was never mentioned.
So, they had to fill their time together in other ways. Martin found that talking to Louisa was easy and enjoyable. She was an intelligent and insightful companion but, just as important, she listened to him. She discovered that he wasn't only knowledgeable about so many things, he could be a good conversationalist, too and had a dry wit. They spent comfortable evenings together and his efforts to change weren't too difficult at all. After all, he was doing it to make her happy and it was working.
On a beautiful Saturday, after the surgery closed, he suggested that they go for a drive with no destination in mind and see where they ended up. They would find a pub or restaurant they liked and eat dinner there. They ended up at a beachside pub with magnificent views and an acceptable menu. They chose salads made with crisp lettuce and fresh vegetables served with house made pomegranate/balsamic vinegar dressing. He, of course, chose shrimp as the topping. They left the restaurant and he took her hand and led her up a sloping path to a terrace with comfortable benches. "You're not tired, are you? We can go back to the car if you wish." He asked as he studied her complexion.
She squeezed his hand and placed it on her stomach where the baby was, what felt like, playing football, and answered, "Not at all. I think the baby is happy to be here, too. It's so lovely. Do you want to walk on?"
He stood feeling the baby's movements with that seldom seen look in his eyes that always melted her heart. He could express so much with those beautiful green eyes. "Harumph. Yes, let's continue on. I'm glad you wore sensible shoes."
They watched a stunning sunset from the terrace and left for home. He dropped her off at her cottage saying that he would park the car and join her for a light dinner. Fish was his automatic choice but, wait, consider what Louisa would want. She had a distinct preference for lamb.
In an hour, the braised lamb chops, sautéed spinach with water chestnuts and carrots were ready to eat.
"Optimum nutrition and low sodium?" she asked in a teasing voice. It went right over his head.
"Yes, you need proper nutrition and too much sodium isn't good for anyone, much less pregnant women." He answered seriously.
She laughed and said, "Yes, thank you Martin. It looks delicious."
They tried to watch a news/talk program where the panel members were all so pompous and condescending while they talked over each other so much that the viewer couldn't understand half what they were saying. Martin started fidgeting in exasperation and Louisa snorted, "Do you want to watch the rest of this tripe? Ridiculous show!"
"No, I do not. How can anyone learn anything by watching people behave in such an ill-mannered way! It's getting late and you've had a long day so I'll leave now." And stood up to leave. She held her hand out and he pulled her into an embrace. "Thank you for today, Louisa. It was very pleasant. I hope you enjoyed it, too."
She stood on tiptoe and lightly kissed him. "Yes, I did very much. You had such a good idea for today and the spinach was wonderful. It's by far my favorite vegetable."
"Yes. Have a restful night and I'll see you tomorrow. I have some work to do in the morning that requires my presence at the surgery so I won't see you. Unless you want to chance coming there. I can buy a fish if you like." He said and felt her arms go around his waist.
"I'd love to. I, too, have work to do so two o'clock? Is that too early?" She answered.
"Yes, that would be satisfactory. Good night Louisa." They kissed again and he left. She twirled around in happiness and swayed to the stairs. It had been the best date ever! She was determined to enjoy every minute of his time before he left for London.
That afternoon was the last time they met at the surgery. He was interrupted twice by "Whingers and complainers!" "Call Monday morning and MAKE AN APPOINTMENT!
They spent the next few weeks in the same manner. She was learning to unerringly read his moods and his therapy was making a huge difference in his attitudes and ability to not only feel happiness but to trust it. He and Sam continued to work on his phobia with rapid progress. He was having trouble remembering what his phobia felt like.
In the evenings at her cottage, after eating and clearing up the kitchen, he would either read his journals or work on his notes and she would work on her school papers.
When she finished working, she would move next to him on the sofa and he would join her in reading the multitude of books on parenting that she had gotten from the library. Some he tossed aside dismissively and said, "American!", others he derided as border line nonsense. A few he read closely, nodding his head in agreement with the author and showing her the passages he found sensible. She paid particular attention to those. They did make a lot of sense but she argued that some of the others also had some valid points. It felt good that they could freely discuss things – trivial or important- without him falling into his lecturing mode and her not getting defensive. While never discussing his patients with her, he would tell her about his day or his therapy sessions and listen (without his usual derisive comments about her students) while she told him about hers. Each night started and ended with tender kisses.
When he told Sam how their relationship was going, he nodded his head in approval and congratulations.
One evening he closed the book he had been reading and brought up an unexpected subject – discipline. "I've told you a little about my childhood, the way my parents disciplined me. Sam has questioned me closely about it. I believed that it didn't harm me but now I know how bad they were. I don't like talking about it but how we deal with our child is important. Dad would hit me with his hands or, more often, his belt. He was careful not to bruise me where it would show. Appearances you know. And my mother frequently put me in a dark, dusty cupboard under the stairs for no reason at all. I imagined all sorts of monsters while I was trapped there and frequently wet myself in fear. Of course, she would tell Dad and he would punish me for it. I could never bring myself to do anything like that to a child, especially ours. We'll do things properly with him and he'll never have reason to fear me."
With tears in her eyes, she answered, "I'm so sorry you were treated like that. No child deserves that. What brought it up? Something in that book?"
"Yes. It talks about consequences. You use that approach at the school, don't you?" He asked reflectively.
"Well, yes. Hitting children with sticks went out of fashion a long time ago thank goodness." She answered
"Taking away privileges. Things like that?" He continued.
"Yes. The trick is to know what means the most to each child. Remember Peter Cronk? He was easy. Take away his library privileges. He enjoyed spending time there instead going to Phys Ed." She laughed at that memory.
"I can live with that kind of discipline. I've changed my opinion about how you run your school. Ignorance is no excuse but that's what I am. I know nothing about children so am in no position to criticize you, who's been dealing with them all your professional life. I remember that Aunty Joan used taking away privileges to discipline me. She very seldom had to because I was so happy with them. She wouldn't let me help in the garden and that devastated me." He told her, almost smiling. She gently rubbed his thigh and returned his smile.
Another evening brought more questions and understanding between them. "He put aside his journal and watched her as she did her work. "Louisa?"
"H-m-m?"
"Why were you so angry with me when you came home? I'm asking because, if I don't know what I did to make you angry, I might do it again." He asked quietly.
She was silent for a few moments, then replied hesitantly, "When I left London, I had built up this dream in my mind about how you'd act when I showed up at your door -happy to see me and, hopefully, not angry about the baby. We would talk and make plans for our future and you'd let me stay with you till I found a place to live. You had no idea what I thought or expected. You were entertaining another woman. Then, almost the first word out of your mouth was abortion. I was hurt and, as I usually do when I'm hurt, I ran. Every time we saw each other, I felt you were criticizing me and resenting the baby. I knew you had difficulty talking to people so I owe you an apology for not giving you a chance. We're doing better now though, don't you think?"
He carefully digested her answer before saying. "I'm sorry for my behavior. I was shocked, surprised but, most of all, frightened. Never in my wildest dreams did I think I'd be a father. Edith and I weren't on a date. You know what we were doing together and romance had nothing to do with it. Seeing you again was…Louisa, I was so relieved that you were back in the village. I think we both run when we're hurt. You leave and I withdraw behind a wall of arrogance. You may look surprised! I've been working with Sam on my difficulties in relating to other people. Yes, we're doing better and I've never been angry about the baby. I owe you an apology, too. I promised to never hurt you and I have. Thank you for explaining it to me. As to abortion, I'm glad you didn't have one."
The time spent with her was as beneficial to him as the meditation exercises, observing surgeries or anything else he had done. He told Sam about his ease in dealing with blood and he was elated at the progress being made. "Whatever you've been doing, just keep doing it. You're making remarkable progress, Martin."
Pauline kept her fingers crossed that his relationship with Louisa was on the mend. It sure looked like it. Doc hadn't yelled at anyone for weeks. One confusing thing happened to him – Al sent a text apologizing for calling him a tosser. When had he done that? Most unlike the congenial Al.
Edith called frequently during this time trying to invite herself for a visit or engage him in talks "I'm working on a new report that will interest you" but he would cut her off, "No Edith, it's not convenient. I still have some bags of blood and I've emailed my ideas on your speech. No, I don't want to help you write another report. There's no reason for us to talk or for you to come here. No, I won't be here. That's none of your business." And hung up. Ok, there was still the symposium. She had plans for that to bring him to heel.
It didn't take long before Joan heard about his visits and crossed her fingers for them. She waited for Louisa after school one afternoon to see for herself if the rumors were true. She was radiant and said, "Yes, Martin's been with me every day and it's wonderful! We've never gotten on so well together. His therapy is remarkably effective and he's happy about the baby, too."
"Well, I'm relieved to hear it. It'll take work but you two love each other and the child needs a father. Louisa, listen to me. Martin doesn't realize it but he's an old-fashioned man and feels he should be responsible for the care of his family. Don't be angry with him. He had awful parents and the fact that he can feel love at all is a miracle. He certainly never got any from them. You know that he'll want you to stay home with the baby, don't you?"
"You mean give up teaching? Not work at all? Be dependent on him? I don't like that idea at all." Said a dismayed Louisa.
"I didn't say you should or shouldn't. Just understand why Martin would want it. He never had a loving mother or home life except with me and Phil and I'm sure he'll want one for his child. Ok? I've got to run now. Think about what I said and I'll see you later." And Joan got in her truck and left.
Louisa briefly thought about what Joan said and could see her points. But, she didn't know about London. There was nothing to indicate that Martin wanted them to be together. Yes, he promised to see them every week-end and they were getting along better than ever but that was it.
The night before he was to leave for the symposium, he rose to his feet and stood looking down at her. "What's wrong?" She asked.
"Nothing. It just feels odd to think I won't see you till Sunday. I'll call you tomorrow before I leave. Don't overdo while I'm gone. It's not safe for the baby." He said, clearly reluctant to leave.
She rose, saying, "I won't and you promise to be careful. I'll be waiting for your call." And she rose on tiptoe and softly kissed his lips. "Good night and safe journey."
He returned the embrace, savoring their closeness. She slipped her arms under his suit jacket and laid her cheek against his chest. "I can hear your heart beating. It's a lovely sound." She said softly.
Instead of ruining the moment by saying that if his heart weren't beating, he would be dead, he just nodded and rubbed his face against her head, breathing in the scent of her hair. "You smell very…fragrant, er pleasing."
She pulled back a little and looked at his face. She'd never seen such tenderness in his expression before and it took her breath away.
He kissed her and replied, "I won't be gone any longer than absolutely necessary. I must leave now. We need our sleep. You should have a hot shower and go to bed. Good night." He kissed her again and left, locking the door behind him.
She felt lost without his warmth for a few minutes then shook her shoulders and thought "If only."