Disclaimer: I do not own any portion of The Big Bang Theory or its characters. Bill Prady and Chuck Lorre do, and hopefully will give us some delightful innuendos and outuendos from our dear Shamy in the near future.

"I'm sure it's not that bad Raj," Leonard reassured him.

"Yeah, it's not like you and Emily hadn't had sex before and she still wanted to get back together with you. The sex must be fine," Howard opined.

Having only recently reconciled with Emily, Raj had planned a romantic weekend getaway for the two of them, but had returned less than enthused about how it progressed. The entirety of their Monday lunchtime conversation thusfar had centered around his worries.

Raj sighed heavily. "I know, I just never wanted it to be just fine. I mean I'm from India; we practically invented sex. There's even a book!" He shook his head sadly. "You guys are probably right, I'm sure it was ok. But I can't help feeling like she was disappointed in the weekend. I just wish women didn't have such different expectations about sex. I mean I'm just happy when I get it. Why can't they be?"

"Yeah, it's like women think sex should always last at least an hour or something..." Howard bemoaned, thinking back to a recent evening when his own wife had seemed less than ecstatic about their activities.

"Right?" Leonard agreed.

Sheldon, who had been buried in his phone, seemingly not paying attention, looked up at the guys, appearing slightly bewildered. "Doesn't it?"

"Doesn't...what...?" Leonard asked him quizically, assuming he was off on some tangent as usual; perhaps another Panda video on his phone.

Sheldon looked at them like they were the crazy ones. "Coitus. You were saying that women think it should always last at least an hour. Why wouldn't it?"

Howard snorted, as if he thought Sheldon was making a joke. Leonard just stared at Sheldon, unsure how to respond. No, no, he looked serious. It was Raj who found his voice first. "Uh, I may regret asking this, but Sheldon, how long do you think sex typically lasts?"

Sheldon looked at each of the guys in turn, wondering why there were staring at him so keenly. "Well, I wish I could say I kept a log book, but Amy said no to that idea. And no charts allowed." He frowned, shaking his head sadly. "She doesn't like it when I time it, either, but I'd say on average about 2 hours. Sometime longer...much longer the first time, of course," he said as if that was the most evident thing in the world. The other guys exchanged incredulous glances at that, but Sheldon pressed on. "Sometimes shorter...more like an hour if we're going for what she likes to call 'a quickie.' " He used air quotes on the last term, rolling his eyes slightly, but the edges of his mouth turning up into much too happy a smirk while he did so.

There was beat of silence, before Howard sat back, pushing his lunch tray away. "Yeah, yeah, that sounds about right..." he affirmed quickly, eyes on the floor attempting to hide his blush. What the hell was happening here?

"Oh yeah, that's about what I'd say, too." Leonard chimed in.

"Definitely." Raj agreed.

Sheldon stared wide-eyed at the other 3 men, his eyes roaming the table. "Well then why were you complaining that women expect it to be so?" He was thoroughly confused.

Leonard, as usual, jumped in to save the conversation. "Oh buddy, we were just joking around. You know, "Guy Talk." Men joke about sex, it's that whole locker room thing, you've just never been part of it before. Welcome to the club!" He smiled widely, patting Sheldon jovially on the back.

Sheldon paused a moment, considering this response. "Well alright then," he affirmed before picking up his tray and heading towards the exit. "Good-bye," he said nodding at them before leaving.

The friends watched his retreating back before turning to face each other again.

"What the hell was that?" Howard demanded.

"I'm a Romance Ninja AND The King of Foreplay and I wouldn't even know what to do for 2 hours!" Leonard stated.

"Do you think he's including a post-sex nap in that time?" Raj wondered, cocking his head thoughtfully. "I mean, he is new to all of this...maybe he thinks that's an official part of it?" he continued hopefully.

Silence descended over the table as each man was lost in his own thoughts.

At long last Howard spoke, rising from the table and collecting his tray. "So...just so we're clear...he's the one with something wrong with him, not us, right?" he questioned, trying to sound more confident than he felt. Leonard and Raj's replies came immediately, as they followed with their own trays.

"Oh yeah."

"Totally, dude."

The 3 parted ways as they left the cafeteria without another word.