Disclaimer: I do not own any portion of The Big Bang Theory or its characters. Bill Prady and Chuck Lorre do, and hopefully the will give soon begin mining the rich soil of potential Shamy over-sharing coital humor. Until then, I'm here.
A/N: Reminder: this is just a little series of disconnected snippets that have been running around in my head. They all occur sometime after Leonard has moved out and Sheldon and Amy have consummated their relationship. Sheldon said in S9 E1 "We make everyone feel awkward, that's our thing!" That got me thinking about how much more awkward "their thing" could become for everyone else if they approach their intimate relationship in the same straightforward manner they approach so much else. Hope you enjoy!
"Hey sweetie!" Penny called brightly as she let herself in to 4A.
"Get out." came the terse reply before she even saw Sheldon. Surprised by a tone she had rarely heard him use she cast her eyes quickly about the apartment in search of him. Spying him standing behind the kitchen island she furrowed her brow.
"What's wrong, Sheldon?" Penny asked, nonplussed.
"I said get out. Now." His back was to her and he didn't bother turning to face her, she noted.
"Geez, what's your problem? I just came to borrow some milk, then I'll be out of your hair. Sheesh," she huffed, taking two steps toward him before stopping again at his reply.
"Penny, I'm not going to tell you again. You need to leave. Immediately." His voice was strained and she noted for the first time that his neck and ears were bright red.
"Why?" she demanded. She wasn't sure whether to be worried about him, or angry at his downright rude behavior.
"Because I am not alone," he managed to say, sounding like he was speaking though clenched teeth. "Amy is here."
"Ooooookay..." Penny said, not any less confused that 30 seconds earlier. She glanced around the apartment. "Where is she? Did you guys have a fight?" she couldn't think of any other reason for his weirdness.
"Hey bestie!" Amy's voice rang out, also from the kitchen. Penny narrowed her eyes, considering this new development, just in time for Amy to pop up from in front of Sheldon, a grin on her face. Too big a grin. The pieces clicked into place in her mind...Sheldon not turning around, having trouble speaking, Amy on the floor in front of him...
"Oh my god!" Penny nearly shouted, covering her eyes and turning around simultaneously. "Oh my god guys, I am SO sorry...I'm going, I'm going..." she kept repeating, flying out of the apartment and slamming the door.
Amy watched her go, then turned her megawatt smile on Sheldon. "Well that was fun!"
"I'll say!" he agreed, flashing a satisfied grin of his own. "You are brilliant, Dr. Fowler!"
"Man I would love to hear what she tells Leonard!" Amy laughed.
Sheldon joined her laughter before saying more seriously, "I'm sure she's offering a scandalized recitation to him across the hall as we speak in which I somehow appear to be the antagonist. I will certainly be hearing about that."
"Well she deserved it!" Amy declared. "I can't believe you managed not to laugh, your face was so red I thought you were going to lose it for sure."
"Sheldon Cooper does not lose it," he admonished, giving her a look of haughty derision. "I am an excellent actor, I'll have you know." This statement was met with a matching look of haughty derision from Amy herself. "Ok," he agreed, "it was difficult, but worth it. Even Leonard, a resident of this apartment for more than a decade, knocks now and yet she keeps just barging in whenever she wants, using her emergency key in clear violation of the Neighbor Agreement," he shook his head in annoyance.
"After today hopefully you can kiss that problem goodbye!" Amy went on happily, reaching for the trashcan once again and dropping back to her knees. "Let me finish cleaning up this popcorn and we can turn the movie on."
Sheldon continued to look at his vixen in amazement at her quick thinking and the fact that she was so happy to help him with anything that was bothering him. Of course the fact that she was currently crawling around on her knees, grabbing stray popcorn bits from under the cabinet edges with her lush backside swaying in the air toward him helped keep his eyes focused on her as well.
"There we go!" Amy said brightly, once again rising to stand before Sheldon. "Your favorite movie cued up, gourmet popcorn popped, spilled popcorn cleaned up and Operation Sheldon's Privacy put into place, all by yours truly. How did you get so lucky?" she joked, winking at him.
He grabbed her wrist as she attempted to walk past him. "I have no idea," he said softly, his voice coming out rougher than he expected. "You're a genius," he declared simply, kissing her. "So, how did you come up with that idea so quickly?" he asked, trying to appear nonchalant. In reality, he couldn't shake the sight of her, kneeling before him on the kitchen floor, eyes locked on his while they teamed up 'to teach Penny a lesson,' as Amy had referred to it, hearing her key in the lock as they were cleaning up the mess Amy's buttery hands had inadvertently made when she attempted to grab the popcorn bowl.
"Confound it, Penny is letting herself in again!" Sheldon had whined, rising from the floor as he heard her fumbling with her key in the lock. He was intending to go deliver a lecture, again, on the sanctity of a man's castle (or fortress of solitude as the case may be) when Amy stopped him with a hand on his arm. "Sheldon, I have an idea," she had said, pulling him around to face away from the door and giving him a devilish grin as she moved to kneel directly in front of him. He had been shocked as she quickly, yet graphically enough, explained what Penny would assume once she found out Amy was there and she had been spot on. Well, shocked was maybe not quite the right word. It started as shocked as he recognized the act she was essentially simulating by their position, but as he stood there, their eyes locked, her face indeed merely inches from his pelvis, the swell of her cardigan-clad breasts visible beyond her upturned face, he was hit by a powerful wave of arousal. All his life he had considered the act of fellatio as somehow demeaning or disrespectful yet since their relationship had become sexual he found there were a great many things he had never before considered that he now definitely wanted to do with Amy. And then there was the fact that the act they were portraying had in fact featured prominently in his dream the prior night (well, ok, several nights) and he had a decent idea of what she might look like knelt there naked and how he might feel if he were as well. Then Penny left and everything went back to normal. Except he still couldn't get that image out of his mind. What had driven Amy to suggest this ruse, and why now? He realized he was holding his breath awaiting her reply to his query.
Amy's eyes widened and her cheeks flushed at his question as she quickly turned toward the couch carrying their snacks. "Oh...uh...you know I was just...there and it suddenly seemed like it could be a very, um, compromising position..." she stammered. Somehow she didn't think he'd appreciate the comparison her mind had made to a lollipop, or a banana (not the way good girls eat them!) in that split second in which she had turned and found herself face-to-groin with him as he rose looking at the door in dismay at Penny's arrival. No, better to find a different way to broach the subject another time.
His heart pounded a little faster. He was no expert on nonverbal cues in general, but he was getting pretty good at reading many of Amy's. He crossed the room and took her hand, noting that the pulse in her wrist was elevated like his and her pupils were larger than was strictly necessary for the room's lighting. "Is that the only reason?" he asked hopefully. Thanks in large part to Amy's frequent reminders, he was getting better at letting her know what he wanted from their physical relationship. He inhaled deeply before leaning in toward her ear, his hot breath making her shiver as he let her in on the secret of the other part of his dream. "Because you know, I'm given to understand that that particular compromising position goes both ways."
Sheldon was rewarded with a surprised look from his girlfriend before her lips pressed his in a hungry kiss that he never broke as he pulled her with him down the hall toward the bedroom.
A/N: Thanks for reading! I love sharing my silly little ideas with you, and I really, really love reading your reviews and hearing what you think!