I sat there in the interrogation room, alone and scared, for what must have been hours and hours. My body was sore and in pain, my stomach begged for food, and my lips were desperate for water. Despite all of those things, I couldn't muster up the courage or the strength for an attempt at leaving.
For a while, I simply thought long and hard about the morning's events. I was so horribly embarrassed at everything that had happened, and so ashamed of myself for being broken so easily. The bruises that had formed on my wrists and ankles were a sad reminder of how little it had taken to make me give in. All of those years spent in hiding, all of the pain I'd gone through attempting to push the force down, and it had all seemingly been for nothing.
The sound of footsteps approaching had caused me to bolt up, my body protesting at the sudden movement. Within seconds, a small group of Stormtroopers had appeared in the doorway, slowly peaking in to see what awaited them.
I wasn't sure whether to feel scared, angry, or to just be apathetic.
The four troopers slowly made their way inside the cabin and approached me. I shrunk back into the corner slightly, remembering what Hux's group of troopers had done to me earlier.
"Miss," began the trooper in front. "We have been requested to escort you to room 22104."
I felt like running away. Had Kylo sent a group of Stormtroopers to take me right back to the room that I'd been previously dragged out of against my will? There was no way that I was going back there.
I gazed down. "Did Kylo Ren give you those orders?"
"Miss, if you'd please just come with us-"
"Do you think he'd kill you if I didn't go?"
Silence.
At that time, there were so many thoughts buzzing around in my head. The anger and hurt from earlier had left me with no energy left to protest. Deciding that I didn't want the lives of any young men resting on my shoulders, I agreed to go.
I was afraid that Kylo would be waiting for me upon my return. Instead, when the soldiers dropped me off at room 22104, I found myself hauntingly alone. There was a new platter of food in the corner of the room, but I didn't dare touch it. Instead, I headed straight for the bathroom and began to run hot water in the bathtub.
I locked myself in the bathroom and vowed not to come out for as long as I could. Instead, I sat patiently by the side of the tub, staring into the water as it slowly filled. For a moment, my reflection stared solemnly back at me, but a quick brush at the surface caused the image to slither away.
After the tub had been filled up, I stripped away my clothing and slowly immersed myself in the hot water. At first, the temperature was unbearably hot. However, after I had managed to sit still for a few minutes, the water began to feel rather nice. I slowly relaxed, sinking in as far as I could and resting my head on the tub's side.
As I sat there, allowing the sensation of the hot water to distract me, I found my mind wandering to my childhood memories.
Kylo Ren . . . Ben Solo had not been a bad person when we were children. Although I had only known him when we were both very small, he had never been anything but kind and accepting towards me.
I remembered the last few weeks before he had been sent away for Jedi training. I remembered how reluctant he had been to go; how unsure of himself he was. It was then, during the small window of time before his parents had shipped him away to train with his uncle, that Ben had suffered the most.
At one point, he had asked me to join him. If he was going to go through with Jedi training, he was going to need a friend. But I was too selfish and stupid to be trained in the ways of the force. Its presence within me was only barely there, and I hid it from everyone around me. I was unwilling to relinquish my secret to help a good friend, so Ben had made the journey alone.
A journey that would prove detrimental for most everyone involved.
With a huff, I quickly sank below the tub's surface, engulfing myself in the hot water. I squinted my eyes shut and allowed myself to float gently for a little while. The sensory deprivation that was provided through this maneuver was strangely calming. For a moment, I debated whether or not I ever wanted to come back up.
After my lungs began to beg for oxygen, I reluctantly sat up, gasping for air when my head had been freed. The water sloshed around me as I wiped my eyes with a towel.
Suddenly, a small knock came from the other side of the bathroom door.
"Allevra?"
It was Kylo.
I wanted to slowly sink back into the water and pretend that I wasn't there. I wanted to melt into the bathtub, pull the plug, and slide down the drain like bathwater. However, none of those things were a viable option. Unwilling to respond, I simply sat still and stayed silent.
"I would like to talk to you."
I didn't know how too reply. Instead, I laid my head back on the side of the tub, letting out a small sigh.
"Just let me bathe in piece."
My voice sounded broken. I sounded weak and tired. Truthfully, I was.
I half-expected Kylo to kick down the bathroom door. Instead, his heavy footsteps seemed to walk away. I was admittedly surprised that he had given up so easily, but there was no part of me that wanted to investigate why. Instead, I continued to soak in the bath for another hour or so.
After I'd unplugged the bath's stopper and slowly made my way out of the tub, I encased myself in a warm, fluffy towel. Its embrace was comforting and relaxing. With no new clothes to speak of, I simply re-wore the ones from earlier. After mustering up what courage I had left for the day, I slowly unlocked the bathroom door and made my way into the bedroom.
There he was, waiting for me. His helmet was off, placed on a table by his bedside. He was reading a small book when I'd walked in, but upon hearing me enter, he had thrown it aside like garbage.
"How badly hurt are you?"
His words had caused me to briefly look myself over. I was still sore and heavily bruised, but the few cuts that I had received had managed to scab over. There were large, red and purple whelps where the metal restraints had pushed into my wrists and ankles, and my cheek felt raw from the previous self-inflicted injury.
"Fine," was all that I muttered, turning to glance out the window. I had virtually no idea what time it was, for the view looked the same regardless of the hour.
"Allevra," he started, standing up.
"Don't."
He looked confused at my statement. With every step that he took towards me, I backed further and further away. When my back was up against the glass of the window and he began closing the space between us, I began to yell.
"Stop! Just stop it!" I yelled. He stopped about four feet away.
"Is this what you wanted?" I asked, holding my wrists up to show the bruises. "Is this what your idea of helping me is?"
For a moment, Kylo actually looked hurt at my statement. "Allevra, I had nothing to do with Hux's-"
"You had everything to do with it!" I screamed, banging my fist on the glass window behind me. "The whole reason that I'm here is because of you! You brought me here, Ben!"
His stoic brown eyes began to melt into a look of sadness. "I told you once already, Allevra-"
"I'm not Ben!" I shouted, angrily mocking his words from before. I stomped over to the tray of food that had been placed in the room's corner, grabbing a glass of water that I wanted desperately to chug. Instead, I threw the glass in Kylo's direction. "I'm Kylo Ren!" I screamed.
Ben . . . Kylo . . . whoever the hell it was that was in the room with me quickly stopped the glass in mid-air. Tears streamed down my face as the anger continued to boil inside of me.
"I'm not Ben!" I screamed again, flinging a teapot in his direction. Once again, Kylo reached out and stopped the object before it made contact. I was angrier than I had perhaps ever been in my entire life.
This time, I used the force. Reaching out with my hands, I attempted to fling the entire table at him. Instead, the object merely flew a few feet, scattering the table's contents all over the floor. Weakened and upset, I let out one last scream, falling to my knees.
Immediately, Kylo was at my side. I began to hit him, throwing wild punches in his direction. Instantly, his large, strong hands had reached out and grabbed my own, preventing me from fighting any longer.
"I waited for you," I cried, referring to my time spent in the interrogation room. My vision was blurry from exhaustion, and the tears only made it worse. My muscles felt weak and stressed, and the energy that it had taken to use the force had all but drained me. I felt as if I couldn't keep my body up.
"I waited for you, and you didn't come," my head was on his shoulder, trailing hot tears down his collarbone. I shook.
Slowly, he removed his grip from my shaking hands. I felt an arm wrap around my waist, another cupping the back of my head.
"I'm sorry."
I reached up to punch at his chest, but my hand couldn't even form into a fist. I was so tired, so dehydrated.
"You would have killed me a long time ago if I weren't of any use to you."
I felt his muscles clench at the comment.
"You just kill now. That's all you do."
"Be quiet, Allevra." He sounded angry now. But I was too stupid to keep my mouth shut.
With all of the strength I had, I pulled myself away from him, looking up into his eyes.
"The First Order has turned you into a monster, Ben."
I watched as his fingers slowly brushed at the hilt of his lightsaber. A small hint of anger flashed in his eyes, and I waited for him to make the fateful move. I felt so lightheaded.
"Go ahead. Prove me right," I told him, my vision growing too blurry to see his face any longer.
And just like that, I was gone.
A/N: Thanks so much for all of the support, you guys! I'm really sorry about the late update, but syllabus week has been a bit stressful. Luckily for you guys, I got completely snowed in this weekend and decided to update! Please, if you can, leave a comment/review and let me know what you think! 3 Much love,
Alexa