The Argument (takes place during and after The Legend of Bagger Vance)
"Maybe, Ada, since Jacob and Lucy will be with us, your mother might like to spend some time with Aunt Bernadette. I'm sure they have things to talk about," Sheldon said.
Her head snapped back toward Sheldon, his blue eyes almost blinding her with their intensity behind his glasses. Of course that was the solution. She'd known it all night and all morning, although she hadn't been ready to swallow her pride and admit it yet.
"Yes," she nodded. "Bernadette and I have things to discuss."
"Just remember," Sheldon said softly, "don't apologize for being your authentic self."
"Isn't Bernadette coming up?" Penny asked, shutting the door behind her.
"She said she would. But she had to do something first, something about Lucy, I didn't catch it all. She was mumbling." Amy shrugged and walked toward her kitchen, opening the pantry door and ducking in for a bottle of wine, just after she glanced over to spot Belle sunbathing in her Eames chair, an new alarmed look on her face at the arrival of humans.
"Red or white?" she called.
"Oh. Neither. I'll just have water. Too full from all that turkey," Penny's voice said.
Grabbing a bottle of red wine anyway, Amy came out and saw Penny across the room inspecting the whiteboards, where rows of words like pilgrim and Mayflower and cornucopia were written in cursive. "Is Sheldon working on his knees now?" she asked.
"No, that's Ada's. It's her spelling words this week. And she's learning cursive," Amy said, unscrewing the wine, then bending down to run her hand along Belle's back as the cat wove around her ankles. "No, it's not dinner time," she cooed.
"God, she's so smart," Penny said, coming back across the room. "Fenny just mastered writing his full name correctly."
Amy blushed with pride and nodded. These conversations always made her feel both a little awkward and very blessed. "I never thought I'd say this, but Mother has been a Godsend to us. That's her doing, working with Ada on spelling and handwriting and all sorts of things. Ada's right on schedule to start second grade next fall. Did I tell you that she was conditionally accepted to the Washington Elementary STEM GATE-program? They'll be some tests in the spring to confirm our registration, but -"
The door flow open, interrupting her and sending Belle scurrying away toward the bedrooms. "Okay, I'm here." Bernadette rushed in. "Jesus, you'd think Howard was dying from the way he acted when I told him the girls were coming up here. There are four grown men down there to watch the kids!" She glanced over at Penny. "Leonard didn't give you any grief, even about little Fox?"
Penny shook her head. "They talked about all going to the park to fly kites. He might bring him up here if they do."
"Aren't you worried?" Bernadette asked, sitting on a stool at the island next to Amy.
"Uh, no. Leonard can handle the kids," Penny shrugged from where she was standing, leaning against the sink, having filled her own glass of water.
"Oh, good! Wine! Fill me up!" Bernadette instructed and Amy complied.
"What should we toast to?" Amy asked.
"Oh, I have some good news!" Bernadette cheered. "Finally - after two years - we got word that Jacob was conditionally accepted to Washington STEM next year! Jesus, that place is like Fort Knox. It was harder to get in there then it is to win a MacArthur Genius Grant!"
Amy's eyes met Penny's as they both quickly took a drink from their respective glasses, neither of them speaking.
"Hey, what's going on?" Bernadette demanded.
"It's just - um - Ada is going to Washington STEM next year, too. I mean, most likely. It's not confirmed yet," Amy rushed, and then smiled toward Bernadette. "Ada will be so excited that Jacob will in the same school and the same grade! And how many kids are in the GATE program, will they even be in the same class?"
"Seriously?" Bernadette looked over her glass of wine.
Wrinkling her brow, Amy started, "Yes. I don't -"
"Amy's right, Bernie. This is a good thing. Jacob won't have to transfer to a new school without knowing anyone there," Penny interrupted.
Bernadette downed her glass of wine. "Sure."
There was a lull as Bernadette poured more wine, and Amy looked at Penny once more.
"So, Ames, how's the study going?" Penny asked.
"It's going quite well, thank you. I'm really excited, I definitely think I'm on to something new. It's been a little hectic, but I think we're getting our schedule under control," Amy said.
"Oh, like Sheldon going on a field trip?" Bernadette asked.
Amy swallowed hard and fought the creeping feeling in her stomach. "Well, yes, that was very helpful to me."
"Field trip?" Penny asked.
"Oh, didn't you hear?" Bernadette asked, turning toward her. "Sheldon chaperoned a field trip for the preschool and got kicked out."
"What?" Penny asked, her eyes getting big. "Leonard didn't say anything about it!"
"He may not know," Bernadette said. "Howie only heard when he picked up Lucy from daycare. Sheldon hasn't said boo to him."
"What happened, Ames?" Penny asked.
Looking down at her wine, swooshing it in her glass, Amy said, "Well, you know, he just got over whelmed, I think, and things got a little out of control. It's always harder watching someone else's children than your own."
"A little out of control? I heard it was more than that!" Bernadette said.
Amy looked up and narrowed her eyes. She knew Sheldon's faults better than anyone else, but she certainly wasn't going let someone talk smack about her husband. "Listen, he got too competitive with four year olds, yes. But no one was injured or in danger and no crimes were committed. And he feels bad enough the way it is. Let's just drop it."
"Oh, I -" Bernadette said.
"Drop. It," Amy growled.
"Hey, you know what?" Penny cheered. "We should all go out for mani-pedi's. We haven't done that in months!"
"Yeah," Amy smiled at her, grateful she'd changed the subject, "we should."
"You'll probably have to go without me. I'm chained to the house," Bernadette whined.
"What does that mean?" Amy asked.
"It means that Howard Wolowitz would have to get off his ass and act like a man with the kids for once," she replied as she filled her glass again.
Amy winced at Bernadette's tone. How much had she had to drink? "Come on, Bernadette, Howard will always watch the kids, you know that."
"Yeah, watch them run wild and get into trouble and break all the rules. By the time I get home it's chaos: they're dirty and the house is a wreck and toys and games are everywhere and no one has cleaned up or made them follow the rules and I have to demand things get put away that should have been put away in the first place and then the kids cry and Howard says I'm being too hard on them, and, honestly, it's more hassle than it's worth," Bernadette said.
"Oh. I'm sure it's not like that," Amy said. "They're just children. They need to play. And Howard is great at playing with them -"
"You don't get to have an opinion about this because you only have one child. That's just having a pet that talks," Bernadette shot back.
Gasping as she heard Penny say "Bernadette!", Amy finally managed to get out, "What's that supposed to mean?"
"It means there's a world of difference between one child and any more. You simply cannot comprehend the struggles of any mother with two or more children. Right, Penny?" Bernadette looked up at their blonde friend.
"Uh . . . uh . . . uh. Well, sure, more kids are harder," Penny mumbled, turning around to fill her glass at the sink again.
"Ugh." Bernadette rolled her eyes. "I don't know why I expect you to understand, either. You have a nanny!"
"Hey!" Penny turned around. "Yes, we have a baby-sitter than comes to the house. But it's not like she lives there. We're home alone with them in the evening and the weekends. We're a normal family. And it's only because Leonard did the math and it's actually cheaper that way than having to pay to put four kids in daycare."
"Four!" Amy lowered her wine glass with a furrowed brow and looked seriously at her friend, who'd blushed and looked away. She didn't want wine . . . She hadn't had any wine with the Thanksgiving feast at Raj and Stuart's . . . Actually, when we the last time Amy had seen her drinking wine? . . . She was wearing a tunic . . .
"Penny Hofstadter! Why didn't you tell us?" Amy yelled, setting her glass on the island.
"What?" Penny looked up. Amy just pointed to her midsection. Penny's hand went up on reflex, and, as her shirt came closer to her body, it confirmed Amy's suspicions. "Okay, you got me. I'm pregnant!"
"Jesus, Penny. You do know what causes that, don't you?" Bernadette asked.
"See, this is exactly why I didn't tell you! I knew you'd be all judgmental!" Penny huffed.
"We're not being judgmental. If this is what you wanted, I'm very happy for you," Amy protested. "We're merely expressing concern over a geriatric pregnancy -"
"I'm thirty-eight, not dead," Penny interrupted. "You were thirty-seven when you had Ada. You two just always forget I'm younger than you."
Amy nodded. "You're right." She put her wine glass up. "Let's toast to that then. To Baby Hofstadter Number Four!"
Penny smile and stepped over to clink her glass with Amy and Bernadette. "Thanks, guys. But this really is the last one. We talked about it, Leonard's going to get the snip-snip. Four kids is a lot. We're out of bedrooms!"
"Not when you have a nanny," Bernadette mumbled.
"Again, we do not have a nanny!" Penny said loudly.
Shooting Bernadette her own dirty look, Amy turned back to Penny. "When are you due?"
"April 29th. We were going to wait until it was obvious to tell everyone this time. See, we are aware of the risks," Penny said.
"Any names yet or are you doing to surprise us again?" Bernadette asked.
Relieved, Amy turned and smiled at her. Maybe her bad mood was passing. That was a perfectly normal question.
"Okay," Penny leaned against the counter across from them, "I might need your help. I really, really want Fawn if it's a girl. And I really want a girl, to even things up and to wear pink all the time. Frannie is turning into a tomboy, I think. But Leonard doesn't like it. He wants Fiona."
"Fawn?" Bernadette raised her eyebrows.
"Sure. It's so light and happy and airy. Fawns are cute and soft and they have those big eyes. It's adorable," Penny said, standing up again. "But this is a secret. Don't tell Leonard I told you. He loves that moment of announcing the name."
"Just please let me there when he tells Sheldon," Amy said.
Penny gave her a confused look, but Amy just smirked back. Then she continued, "Anyway, see, this is a great Thanksgiving! I'm thankful for the new baby, Bernadette is thankful that Jacob made it into the magnet school, Amy is thankful for her new study -"
"And that Ada also made it into the magnet school at age four -" Bernadette said.
"Exactly! So -" Penny tried to continue.
"And that Ada is a genius and that her grandmother watches her for free one day a week and that Sheldon agrees to watch her child for two whole weeks while she's in Denmark," Bernadette continued.
"What's going on, Bernadette?" Amy asked, turning on her stool. "You seem a little on edge."
"Oh, am I? I'm sorry," Bernadette reached for the bottle of wine. "I didn't mean to interrupt your perfect life with my mundane problems."
"What problems?" Amy asked, putting her hand out to touch her arm.
"Amy . . . " Penny muttered.
"What problems?" Bernadette pulled away from her. "You know what, I'm sick of how perfect you always make everything out to be! We all know the truth. Ada already thinks she's all that and a bag of chips and we all know Sheldon got kicked out of the field trip because he can't control himself! You can stop telling everyone he's perfect, Amy, we all know the only reason he seems like such a good father is because he's so immature himself, just like all our husbands. It's only because he's got a captive playmate now, but get him out in the real world with other children and we can all see what a narcissist he is!"
"Bernadette!" Amy yelled. "If you're angry with me about something, that's one thing, but I will not let you insult my husband or my daughter -"
"Ugh, I'm not taking this!" Bernadette stood and stormed out, slamming the door behind her.
Incredulous, Amy turned on her stool and put her forehead on her palm, her breath coming in short gasps.
"Oh, sweetie." Penny fluttered around the island, sitting on the stool Bernadette had just abandoned and put her hand on Amy's back.
"What was that?" Amy croaked out, her lungs and eyes burning with the approach of tears.
"Don't let her get to you. She's just going through a lot right now and she'd had too much to drink and she's not thinking clearly and -"
"What is she going through?" Amy raised her head. "She hasn't said anything to me. If there's something wrong, maybe I could help, give her some advice. But instead . . . why did she say those things?" Amy swallowed, feeling the tears in her eyes, pleading with Penny to explain it all away as some sort of simple misunderstanding.
"Listen, things are really bad with her and Howard right now. Um, I don't know if I should tell you this, but it's bad enough the D word has come up," Penny said, looking down.
"Divorce?" Amy gasped, the shock stilling her tears for a moment. Penny nodded. "Why hasn't she said anything to me? And what can be that bad? He's the man she vowed to spend the rest of her life with, he's the father of her children -"
"Sweetie." Penny took her hand. "That's why she hasn't said anything to you. Because she thinks you wouldn't understand, that you'd say things like that."
"What?"
"She didn't say this to me, but I think you and I both know that she's not the most maternal person in the world. Having two kids is really difficult for her. Plus she doesn't feel like Howard helps, that he never backs her up when she disciplines them, and then they fight because he thinks she's too strict, that she yells too much. And -" Penny took a deep breath "- he said some awful things last week, that he thinks Jacob's shyness and fidgeting are because he's frightened of her -"
"But she's never hurt him! That's ridiculous! It's just that he's a Wolowitz."
" - and Lucy's wildness is all because she's being defiant -"
"She's three, of course she's being defiant!"
"So now Bernadette thinks everyone would be happier if she wasn't there, if she left -"
"But they're her children!" Amy screamed. "You don't get to opt out of that!"
"I agree, I agree," Penny said, squeezing her hand. "Don't get mad at me. I'm just explaining to you what Bernie's going through."
"And that makes it okay for her to say horrible things about my family?"
"No, of course not. But . . . " Penny shrugged.
"But what?" Amy demanded.
"Things are going really good for you right now. Your job, Ada, even Sheldon is like the world's greatest dad - no one saw that coming - and it's really hard for her to see all good things at your house when she doesn't feel like there's any at hers."
"But we're not perfect. This study is stressful to me. And like the field trip this week, Sheldon really was horrible and . . . and . . ." Amy trailed off as the first tear fell.
Penny leaned forward. "I know things aren't perfect. They're not perfect at my house, either. But sometimes, it really does seem like you got everything you ever wanted. And sometimes the three of you . . . oh, sweetie, I love you all, but sometimes you're all a bit too proud of your accomplishments, you know?"
"So you hate us, too?" Amy wailed.
"No, no, that's not what I said. Listen, I've messed this up. I love you. And Sheldon and Ada. And Leonard loves you, too. And, believe it or not, so does Bernadette. It's just hard to talk to you sometimes, because everything is so good and you always have opinions and . . ." Penny took a deep breath. "Just give her time to calm down and then go talk to her. No, offer to listen. She just wants to feel like someone understands her and cares."
"I do care," Amy protested. "But I don't understand how she could seriously be considering leaving her children. I can't pretend that I do. And won't let her insult me or the people I love."
"Maybe the divorce thing isn't real. Maybe it was just said in anger. Because people say things all the time they don't mean when they're angry. Like all the stuff she said about Sheldon. Don't take it seriously," Penny offered.
"How can I not?" Amy asked. "When you just calmly backed her up?"
"I didn't back her up!" Penny protested. She growled. "I hate this, too. I don't think Bernadette should divorce Howard, either, but it's not my decision. And I especially don't want for all of us to be fighting, we should support each other. I'm just saying we should all be careful about what we say."
"I think you need to leave," Amy said softly.
"Oh, Ames, don't be mad at me, too. I'm not backing Bernadette up! I'm just -"
"Please, just go. Before we both say something else we might regret."
Penny nodded and squeezed her hand. "Call me, okay?"
Waiting until the door was shut, Amy ran to the bedroom and threw herself on her pillow and sobbed, ignoring the surprised meow from Belle. What had happened to her best friends? How long had they hated her this much? It wasn't her fault that a few good things in her life had aligned all at once. And not everything was perfect. Ada was still a temperamental child at times, like all young children. Sheldon still hadn't had his big career break through, and, although, he never complained, she knew it weighed on him and -
"Amy?" he said softly.
She jerked in surprised and turned her head slightly. "I - didn't - hear- you - come - in," she sobbed.
Sheldon crawled over the bed and rubbed her hair. "Shhh, it's okay. I'm not sure what happened but Penny came downstairs crying and told me I needed to come up. What's wrong?"
"Ada?"
"Raj and Stuart are taking her out fly kites. Amy, what happened? Bernadette came downstairs yelling at Howard they had to leave and then Penny was crying and now you're crying and to think you said Thanksgiving here would probably be less dramatic -"
"They - hate - us!"
"What?"
Rolling angrily on her pillow, Amy looked up at him. His brow was deeply furrowed. "They all hate us. They think we're perfect and that we're stuck up about how perfect we are and that they can't talk to us like real people."
"Who? I don't understand."
Amy sat up. "All of them, but especially Bernadette. Apparently she and Howard are having problems, but somehow it's my fault because I think my family is perfect."
"That doesn't make any sense." She would not have thought it possible, but Sheldon's brow furrowed more. "Start at the beginning."
After a deep, shaky breath, Amy managed to get out most of the story as she remembered it. Sheldon raise this eyebrows at the mention of Penny's pregnancy and he, too, yelled out, "Divorce!" but he mostly remained silent. When she finished, the talking having quieted her tears, Sheldon was looking down at his lap.
"Sheldon, I'm so sorry. I shouldn't have have told you want she said about you, that was cruel -"
"No, it's okay." Sheldon shook his head and looked up. "I'm actually used to it, with all of Howard's jokes and such. I've known him a long time. All of the guys used to take mean shots at me. They're much better behaved now."
"Oh." Amy shuffled her way closer to him and took his hand.
"Really, it's fine. What upsets me is that you had to endure all that, that Bernadette put you through that." Belle bumped against his palm, and he looked down to rub the top of her head. "I also feel . . . guilty," he quietly intoned, not looking up.
"Guilty?" she said, raising her eyebrows.
Sheldon sighed. "I knew about the big fight. Not about divorce, but Howard told us about the fight. However, I promised him I wouldn't say a word. I thought that included you, but now I regret not telling you, so you would have known the whole situation."
"Oh." Amy paused and thought. "That's tricky, I think. Does promising Howard - or anyone else - that you won't say something mean that you can't tell your spouse?" She sighed softly. "I don't know. So you have nothing to feel guilty about, it's a murky moral situation. Anyway, it doesn't matter, because apparently everything I say is wrong regardless."
"No, Amy, nothing you say is wrong, I'm certain of it!" Sheldon protested. "You are not responsible for the Wolowitzs' martial troubles. Or Bernadette's generally foul attitude."
"But . . . even Penny said we're too proud of our accomplishments," she whispered.
"That's because Penny hasn't discovered a previously unknown neurotransmitter. Or skipped two grades in school. Her accomplishments are acting in a low-budget Syfy series and a permanently occupied uterus."
"Sheldon, that's not helpful." Amy shook her head. "Plus, I'm worried that's exactly the sort of things she was talking about."
"So maybe we should keep the last sentence between you and me. But the first two are correct. Amy -" he reached up for her face, running his fingers along the edge of her cheek "- you are brilliant. I know your work isn't done yet, that you're still proving your theory, but you and I both know all signs indicate you're on the verge of a major discovery. You should be proud of that, you should never apologize for that. What is it that you are always telling Ada? 'Be modest about your body but never about your mind.'"
"But what if they really do hate us and decide they'll never speak to us again?"
"Almost twenty years of experience has taught me that our friends will not abandon us for our greatness. Despite all the times they've been unreasonable over the years, they always flocked back to my apartment, then our home. They can't resist us. We're irresistible." Sheldon grinned.
In spite of herself, Amy felt her lips turning up. Then she shook her head. "No, that doesn't help, either. I need something practical, a doable action plan, a way to fix this with Bernadette."
His grin fell, and her husband nodded. "I know." He paused. "You can tell her that one of my flaws is that I'm not good at apologies."
"Yes, you are, when you need to be," Amy said.
"I just don't want you to feel like you have to apologize for being yourself. You're always saying that no one, but especially a woman, shouldn't apologize for being smart. You talk about how important it is to instill that in Ada. And I agree with you. So why would you apologize to Bernadette for that?"
Amy nodded in agreement. "It's so complicated. No, I never want Ada to feel she has to apologize for being intelligent. But we shouldn't be teaching her to be haughty or arrogant, either."
Sheldon rearranged himself so he was leaning against the headboard, and pulled Amy in next to him. She rested her head against his shoulder, and marveled, not for the first time, how this simple act made her feel better, less unsure of herself.
"I'm sorry, Amy. I'm sorry this happened to you. And I'm sorry I don't have any good advice," he said softly.
"At lest we're in the same confused boat together," Amy replied.
"If I'm going to be confused, I only want it to be with you."
Amy smiled into his chest. "Likewise." They sat in silence a minute, Sheldon's hand rubbing her arm. "What if there's no good answer? I won't lie to her if she asks my opinion. I could never condone leaving one's children, and I cannot fathom leaving the father of my child."
"Thank goodness for that!" Sheldon blurted out, squeezing her. "I don't think you should be untruthful with her. Do you think she's serious, do you think she'd really leave them?"
Shrugging, Amy said, "I don't know. And it's Penny who told me that, I never heard Bernadette say it. Even if she said that to Penny, who knows if she really meant it."
Sheldon took a deep breath and tilted his head back. "Don't you wish our life was like a sitcom and all our problems got resolved in a speedy and improbable way?"
A chuckle bubbled up out of her, and then she frowned for having allowed it. "But that's not real life." She sighed deeply. "Do you think I'll ever figure out what to do?"
"Of course. And I want you to know that whatever you decide, I'll support you. I'll even stand beside you and hold your hand, if it helps." Sheldon kissed the top of her head.
"It always does."
Even though she knew it was important to Sheldon to prove he could handle more than one child, Amy was happy that Howard had said he would join them for mini golf. Four children were a handful for anyone, and Howard probably needed to let off some tension, too.
Amy stood next to Bernadette on their front porch, waving as Howard drove away in their mini van with Sheldon and the kids. She waved and watched them far longer than she needed to, her heart pounding in her chest. Finally, they could no longer be seen, and there was nothing left to distract her from the reason she'd come.
Taking a deep breath, she turned toward Bernadette. "Thank you for allowing me to come to your house, to talk to you."
Bernadette shrugged. "You got the kids off my hands for a couple of hours, so it was the least I could do."
"Listen, I need to say something first, before we go inside." Amy paused, hoping her rehearsed lines sounded as good now as they did when she practiced them with Sheldon. "I'm here to listen. I love you, and I want you to know that I don't want you go through anything alone that you don't want to. I may not understand some of your thoughts and decisions, but I respect they are yours to make. I want to listen and give you support, but I will try to hold my advice back until you ask for it. I will not, however, be less than honest with my advice. If you ask my opinion, I will give it freely, even if I disagree with you and it may be the last thing you want to hear. Additionally, I will not allow you say rude, untruthful things about anyone in my family. None of us are perfect, but we are all trying our best to be happy. Which, I think, you are, too. Yes, we are having a good year, but we've had very, very bad years before. And do you know what I needed and appreciated most those years? Your support and your friendship. So I am here to offer you the same, with the conditions I stipulated. If you either don't want or feel you cannot meet those conditions, then I will respect that reality, too, and I will leave."
Having finished her speech, Amy held her breath. Did she make her point clearly? The last thing she wanted to do was antagonize Bernadette further or to add more confusion or pain to her current situation. But she had standards, and Sheldon and Ada deserved respect.
"Amy, I'm sorry. I said some things I shouldn't have said. I'm just really unhappy and confused and . . . I don't know what to do." Bernadette looked down. "I would love your support and your friendship. I know I couldn't make it through anything without you and Penny, and I never want to lose that." She looked back up. "So if you'll forgive me, I would gladly accept your conditions in order to keep you as my friend."
All Amy had to do was reach out her arms and Bernadette fell into them with a sob.
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