kermit suicide

They're sitting in the infirmary, and Monty swears that Jackson's only keeping him here to combat the silence. Not that Monty minds much- infirmary abduction allows for plenty of time to make up the two weeks' worth of schoolwork he missed- but he hates not being able to run away from Jasper's questions. Primarily, the ones about being consciously kissed by over half the student body.

"Dude, so what was it like to be kissed by Wick?" his best friend snickers, chomping off the head of a Chocolate Frog. Monty has been given way too many Chocolate Frogs, especially after Kane's breakfast announcement.

"I don't know, Jasper," he sighs. "It was the same as getting kissed by Atom, and Raven, and everyone else. They were mostly on the forehead; I'm not sure why you care."

"I care because my best friend's got game as a toad!"

"Only because you paid them in Sickles," he snaps. "Now, stop distracting me."

Monty is trying to finish this Charms essay, and he loves Jasper. He does. But he also remembers Jasper feeding him castle-bred crickets, forcing him upon a wrathful Lexa, and giving him up to a love-struck Slytherin… so Monty can't be blamed for being fed up. He just needs a break from all things amphibious. Especially toad puns. There have been several cringe-worthy ones uttered in the past few hours.

Jasper doesn't seem to notice Monty's tone, instead reaching for a Peppermint Toad. "Speaking of payment, I need to reimburse Wells. Poor guy probably has people attacking his ankles for Galleons. I don't want him to run out before the next Hogsmeade visit, and I'm broke, sooo…"

"So?"

"I need to borrow your still."

The Ravenclaw looks up from where he's scrawled a sentence about nonverbial spells. After quickly glancing at Jackson, who is making beds in the corner of the room, he lowers his voice. "First of all," he hisses, "we shouldn't be talking about this in the infirmary. Secondly, I'm too deeply entrenched in schoolwork right now to be brewing you Firewhiskey."

"Yeah, exactly. That's why I'll be the one making it."

"Are you kidding me? You haven't set foot in the forest since that centaur incident our second year!"

Jasper smiles. "I'm a Gryffindor, Monty. You've said it before- I need to get my head out of my arse and face my fears."

"I was talking about Maya."

Jasper ignores him, which is probably for the best. Monty returns to writing about nonverbial spells and trying to forget the taste of live insects, and Jasper returns to devouring Monty's collection of animal-shaped chocolates. There is too much chocolate. Monty hasn't attempted to eat any yet. Although it has been two days since he went through the reverse transfiguration, he doesn't have time for anything other than schoolwork. The Ravenclaw desperately needs to get caught up, and the only thing preventing him is-

"Hey, wanna hear a joke? Just thought of this one… what do you call a lying frog?"

"Jasper-"

"An amfibian!"

This does it. "Get out."

Jasper grins. "I know, it's brilliant. Wick must be rubbing off on me."

"No, I'm serious!" Monty exclaims, his voice raising more than it should. "Get out. Get out of the infirmary. I'm sick of you. You're around all the time, eating my chocolates, asking me what it's like to be kissed by Harper and Bellamy and Miller when I just need to finish my Charms essay before I'm expelled!"

There's a deafening silence in the infirmary. Jackson pauses in the middle of his ironing charms, looking exasperated, while Jasper's face contorts into an expression resembling a wounded Niffler's. "Well, I'm sorry for attempting to enjoy your company after two weeks of being lonely," Jasper says.

"You weren't lonely. You had Harper, Raven, Clarke, Octavia… hell, even Maya to talk to."

"But you're my best friend, Monty. You don't know what it was like for me to spend two weeks thinking I'd never see you again. It could have- if Miller wasn't your True Love, I don't know what I would have-"

"Yes, Miller." Monty is irrationally angry. "Thanks for that, really. Turns out I'm in True Love with someone who is already in a relationship."

"That's not my fault."

The Ravenclaw laughs sardonically. "Sure, but if you hadn't gone around making three hundred people kiss me, I might have still had a chance with Harper. Did you ever consider that? Now she thinks we aren't compatible, according to stupid fucking True Love which doesn't exist anyway- and I'm going to be showered with sympathy because Miller's got Bryan."

"It isn't my fault. And it's not my fault you were a toad, either!"

"You should have just let it go."

Jasper's mouth falls open, and Monty doesn't want to take back his words. "You don't mean that," Jasper whispers. "I'm sorry if the kissing experiment left you heartbroken about Harper, or whatever, but you can't mean that."

Monty just looks at him with a stony expression, watching as the Gryffindor's features crumple. Jasper seems heartbroken himself as he storms out of the infirmary, leaving silence in his wake. Jackson shakes his head and continues to cast nonverbal housekeeping charms. Monty stares down at his essay with a complete lack of motivation. And the Chocolate Frogs sit waiting, but nobody indulges.

The thing is, Monty knows he's being irrational. As he walks toward the Great Hall, his stomach pangs with regret from yesterday's argument. Quarrels with Jasper are never easy. Ever since Monty and Jasper became friends on the Hogwarts Express, they've had many disagreements, most concerning girls and all of them occurring because of Jasper's lack of reason. This time it's different. Monty has taken the position for distributing pain.

Yet as always, he knows their argument will be temporary. Jasper did nothing other than what was expected of him, and Monty isn't ungrateful. (Nor is he ready to forgive and forget. Being an amphibian has taken quite a toll on the both of them, and Monty needs to catch up on schoolwork before focusing on friendship.)

He's almost finished. Just three more essays, a runes translation, and several Arithmancy problems left until temporary freedom. Monty probably should have begged Jackson for a bit more time in the infirmary, but technically there's nothing to recover from. The taste of insects is already fading from his tongue, and the only lasting issues of toad-dom concern relationships and the obesity epidemic. (Monty has already Depulsoed the Chocolate Frogs and Peppermint Toads back to Ravenclaw tower.)

Speaking of sweets- Monty is starving. Since a recent fight caused Jackson to get overloaded with patients, Monty wasn't cleared for leave until halfway through dinner. The meal is probably winding down by now. Hopefully it hasn't reached dessert, or Monty might have to eat dinner in the kitchens, an action that reminds him of Harper.

He doesn't want to be reminded of Harper, or her visit yesterday morning.

It has been a long time since they dated. Harper was Monty's first hand to hold, first kiss, first… everything. First person he came out to, first person he fell in love with. And maybe he's still in love with her- he doesn't know. It's complicated. Between her parents' threats to disown her and the constant presence of Zoe Monroe, Monty has come to realize their relationship will never end up romantic.

But if he possessed any amount of hope before becoming a toad, Jasper's kissing experiment has erased that hope entirely. Harper came to him yesterday with an expression of reluctant acceptance and the words, "We need to move on from this, Monty." She spoke of Miller being his True Love, and the way Monroe makes her chest flutter. They'd cried together.

"I still love you," he said.

"I know," she replied.

Now, Monty is going to the Great Hall with the knowledge that Harper won't be there. (He doesn't think he can tolerate any heartbreak today, even if the alternative is embarrassment.)

The chatter from the Great Hall grows louder, and he stops adjacent to the doors, taking a deep breath. Better to get it over with. Stepping through the doors, Monty attempts to make it to the Ravenclaw table without making a fool out of himself. But someone sees him, and another, and another, and suddenly the entire room has gone quiet.

"There's the frog-boy," he thinks he hears somebody whisper.

Professor Kane, sitting in the center of the teachers' table, claps his hands together loudly. It diffuses some of the tension, but all eyes are still on Monty, who is blushing to the roots of his hair. "A kind welcome back to Mr. Green!" says the Headmaster. "Let us return to dessert."

Monty wildly scans the table for Raven, who is (thankfully) sitting near to where he's standing. He slips into the seat between her and a fourth year named Becca. "Hey," he says as the hum of conversation starts up again.

"Hey, Mon!" Raven smiles. She visited him in the infirmary, so it isn't a reunion. "Jackson's released you already?"

"Yeah, the transfiguration didn't have any lasting effects. I missed dinner?"

"Surely you can't be hungry after all those Peppermint Toads," she grins.

Monty reaches for the dish of apple pie. "Haven't eaten any yet."

While Raven doesn't mention anything else about his previous predicament, the surrounding Ravenclaws are leaning toward him, itching to ask questions. He understands their curiosity. In Hogwarts, students are rarely at the receiving end of Transfiguration spells, and most Ravenclaws are hungry for any piece of knowledge they can get their hands on. This has not been helped by Kane's speech the other day, which, according to Jasper, was incredibly vague.

On Monty's right, Becca seems on the verge of combustion. She's a genius when it comes to Transfiguration. "What do you want to know?" Monty sighs, bringing a fork to his lips.

Becca looks positively thrilled. "I was wondering if you could describe any immediate effects of the transformation? Since the curse placed upon the book led to instant transfiguration, and the book has impacted students before (based on my records research), the curse must have been cast by an extremely powerful wizard. Not to mention a kiss triggered the reverse transfiguration, which means it isn't Dark magic, but it can't have been True Love magic because that was disproven centuries ago…"

Monty nods along, interjecting when he must. Apparently, Kane's speech to the student body didn't concern True Love magic, and that's perfectly fine with him. True Love is a sham, for all he knows.

(He feels eyes on his back, coming from the Slytherin table, but he doesn't turn around.)

Dinner has ended, and Monty is headed for the Ravenclaw common room, hoping to finish his Transfiguration essay before class tomorrow. He's still hungry, but sustenance can wait until breakfast. (Harper wasn't in the Great Hall. Neither was Monroe, so either they're partying in the kitchens, or up to something that causes his stomach to churn.)

"Green!"

He pauses on the staircase, and then hurries his way to the top. The voice is barely recognizable.

"Green- Monty Green! That's your name, yeah?"

Monty rolls his eyes and turns around. "What d'you want?"

Miller approaches him, looking acutely pissed off. "An explanation," he says. "You owe me one."

Monty shifts away from the throng of people heading for the Ravenclaw and Gryffindor towers. "What is there to say?" he shrugs, leaning next to a coat of armor. "I'm sure you heard Kane's speech about the transfiguration."

"Yeah, but he didn't fucking explain why you changed back after I kissed you."

Jasper must not have told Miller about the True Love thing. For once, Monty's grateful. It would be incredibly awkward if the Slytherin knew, especially since they've never properly spoken before today. Besides, Miller has been in a healthy relationship for three years, and Monty would never do anything to ruin that. He knows Bryan. Bryan is enamored, possessive, and would not take well to realizing he isn't Miller's magic-dictated "True Love" (even if the phrase is far-fetched).

"I'm not sure why, either. Kane told Jasper I needed to be kissed by somebody specific, but he didn't elaborate. If I had to come up with an answer… perhaps you represent my exact opposite?"

Miller visibly relaxes. "Alright. So it was just some freak accident?"

Monty nods. "Sorry," he offers.

The Slytherin runs a hand over the back of his close-shaven head, shuffling his feet awkwardly. Monty thinks there are words on the tip of his tongue, but nothing is spoken.

"See you around?" he prompts.

Miller rearranges his features. "Not likely."

The man seems to vanish instantly, his footfalls soft on the now-empty staircase, a thief's trademark. Monty frowns at the coat of armor. Miller is… kind of a dick. Whatever sort of fate dictated that this man would save him from amphibi-ville must have been confused, for Monty could never be attracted to Miller. His eyes are too enigmatic, his mouth unpleasantly twisted. He's a Slytherin.

Let Bryan have him.

They hug it out on Sunday, when Monty's eyes are drooping with exhaustion and Jasper has a craving for chocolate. It's unusually warm for October, and they are standing near the lake, Monty's book bag discarded on the ground. "I've been stressed lately," he says into Jasper's shoulder. "Please accept my peace offering."

Jasper pulls back, eagerly grabbing the package of Peppermint Toads from his hands. "I'm hoping this apology extends to accepting my toad puns, because brother, you know I'm never gonna stop."

Monty cracks a grin. "I expected nothing less."

"Amphibi-awesome."

"So, what are you up to?"

The Gryffindor gestures to the wooden barrel he's set down next to Monty. "I'm taking this to the still. Batch is nearly finished. You should come help- you're the aging charms guru."

"Sure. Speaking of charms, how has Shumway been treating you?"

"Like a dung beetle," he says. (In fact, Shumway treats everyone like a dung beetle, causing countless students to drop Charms after their O.W.L.s. Monty is the only person to have received an Outstanding in their year, and that's mainly due to brewing alcohol. Quite shocking how many protective charms a guy must learn to maintain a secret location.)

They gaze around the grounds for observant passerby, and, finding none, sprint into the Forbidden Forest. The still is hidden in a grove of trees and thick underbrush. Jasper's done a good job with the distillation process, and they transfer the moonshine into the barrel, chattering endlessly to each other. It's as if no time has passed at all. Monty speaks of his encounter with Miller around consecutive aging spells, and Jasper seems surprised that his best friend isn't completely enamored.

"I mean," he says, "You're not supposed to think your True Love is a dick. When I first saw Maya, there was this little Lumos in my heart, telling me that she's the one. Why wouldn't you feel that?"

"True Love doesn't exist, Jasper. Aevus."

"Yes it does. Maya is mine," he says.

"And you've talked to her how many times now?"

"Several!" Jasper's smile is contagious. "Actually, the other night, I invited her to the Blakes' co-house party. It's this Friday, in some empty classroom on the seventh floor. Octavia offered to pay us for providing Firewhiskey, so this batch'll be going to her, and the Galleons to Wells. Everything is working out in our favor, my boy! Say you'll come to the party?"

"Aevus. Wouldn't miss it."

When Monday morning dawns, Monty has already showered, rewritten his latest Potions essay to its fullest potential, and eaten thirteen Chocolate Frogs (most of the collectable cards portraying history's legendary Harry Potter). It is going to be a great day. He and Jasper are on good terms, Harper doesn't take Potions, and the toad incident has provoked only a couple of puns.

The latter of which is about to change.

Since Monty doesn't have morning classes, Wick challenges him to a game of wizarding chess. It turns into a full-fledged tournament, joined by Becca, Becca's cat, and a fourth year named Chris. After a while, Becca's cat begins walking across the board and interfering with the pieces, prompting Wick to think up an alternative game.

"Okay, so every time Alie crosses the board, one of us has to make a joke or pun about toads," Wick grins mischievously.

Monty is perplexed, but permissive. "Too bad Jasper isn't here," he laughs.

Alie pounces on the chessboard, and the seventh year Ravenclaw smirks. "Jasper is the king of puns, so I've been toad."

"That was far from ribbeting," Becca snorts.

"Got one! Frogs are happy because they eat whatever bugs them."

"Hoppy, you mean?"

Monty shakes his head. "Seriously, you all better stop with the puns or I'm going to Kermit suicide."

The cat jumps into his lap, and the other Ravenclaws blink at him owlishly. Monty looks up from where he's been collecting the scattered chess pieces. "Er… Kermit?" he gestures vaguely. "Kermit the frog, protagonist of a few children's cartoons from last century?" Wick shakes his head slowly. "…Right, none of you are Muggleborns. Never mind."

The playful mood shifts, and there's a lull in conversation as the Ravenclaws wait for lunch. It comes quickly enough. Soon, Monty is scarfing down a slice of Shepherd's pie and catching Jasper on the way to Potions. Of all their classes together, Potions is his favorite, partially because he excels at the subject and mostly because Maya sits far enough away that Monty can tease Jasper mercilessly.

Professor Griffin has yet to open the doors when they arrive, and standing in the hallway triggers a strong wave of remembrance. Monty tries to shake the memory of Miller kissing him on the forehead, but it nags at him. So do Jasper's words about True Love being enlightening. Monty will stand firm in his opinion that True Love doesn't exist, but he will admit: there is something compelling about the Slytherin. He's a mystery, and although Monty isn't attracted to him, he certainly isn't ugly.

(Just ugly on the inside. It's the Slytherin in him, Monty thinks. Most Slytherins have a dark aura that follows them around. Clarke and Bellamy are exceptions, but they're probably just better at hiding it. Miller might be a solid nine on the aesthetic scale, but the Slytherin shines through his twisted smirk, and it's… it's dangerous. Monty can't affiliate himself with that sort of danger.)

He is pulled out of his thoughts when Professor Griffin opens the dungeon doors. Her smile is lopsided and her hair tied back in a wispy braid. "Hello, students," she says. "You'll be sitting in groups of four today, so please drop your things and gather around the demonstration cauldron."

As usual, Monty and Jasper place their things at a conjoining desk, expecting to be joined by Murphy or another stray Slytherin. However, Monty is surprised to see Maya approach them with a friend in tow. "Hey, Jasper!" she says. "Do you mind if Fox and I sit with you?"

Jasper seems to be at a complete loss for words. "I- er- errr yeah! I mean, yes. I mean, no, we don't mind."

The Ravenclaw mentally prepares himself for several hours of intentionally not laughing at his best friend's clumsy infatuation. (At least it isn't one-sided, judging by Maya's reddening ears.)

Slipping between a few tables, Monty heads toward the front of the classroom, where the demonstration cauldron awaits. Inside, a potion bubbles, letting off steam in soft corkscrews. He leans closer. It's beautiful, the scent a pleasant combination of new computers, sun-infused dirt, the subtle vanilla of ancient parchment, and something best described as a musky blend of dried herbs, sweat, and sandalwood.

"What the hell is that?" Murphy asks from his left. In Monty's fume-induced stupor, he hadn't realized that the rest of the class has gathered around him.

Professor Griffin walks behind the cauldron and looks to her students through the steam. "Language, Mr. Murphy," she chides. "Now, since we're reaching the tail end of our love potion unit, I've decided to introduce you to-"

Amortentia.

"-a potion that arguably possesses the most dangerous ability of any concoction. As I'm sure you've discovered during your studies, Amortentia causes the drinker to become so obsessed or infatuated with the administrator that this infatuation can be mistaken for love. Though it is impossible to properly imitate True Love, Amortentia does give the administrator a great level of control over the drinker." Professor Griffin grows stern. "We won't be brewing it today because of restrictions. Do note that a student's mere possession of Amortentia will result in expulsion and having their wand snapped by a Ministry official."

At this, several students inch away from the cauldron, including Monty. "Why does it smell like butterbeer and eucalyptus?" asks Fox.

Professor Griffin smiles. "Would anyone like to provide Ms. Wilson with an answer?"

"Amortentia gives off the scent of whatever most attracts you," says Monty quietly. "It differs per person, and the fumes often depict what you love, including activities and people."

"Very good, Mr. Green," Professor Griffin nods, but Monty is already stuck in his own head. Based on his answer, Monty loves technology, Herbology, knowledge, and something he can't pinpoint. Normally this wouldn't bother him, but the observation poses a theory that cannot be undermined.

He tests it out once they reach their seats, having been instructed to collect ingredients for brewing a love potion that isn't Amortentia. "Jasper, what did you smell?" he whispers.

Jasper gazes at their pewter cauldron dreamily. "Chocolate, Firewhiskey, and lavender-infused Dittany."

"Maya?"

"Yeah."

And fuck, maybe True Love does exist after all, because Harper doesn't smell of herbs and sandalwood.

The rest of the week passes by quickly.

One of the loveliest things about Hogwarts, Monty thinks, is the class entertainment value. Magic is fun. He remembers going to elementary school when he was younger and wondering why the teachers were always so condescending and the other children so dull. Home was solace; his parents are horticulturists, so Monty spent most of his time in the greenhouses. It wasn't until he turned ten that the Muggle teachers recognized his genius and he was enrolled in secondary school science and tech classes.

Professor Sinclair taught him how to work his way around everything from computers to microscopes. Until then, Monty had overlooked his ability to randomly grow plants at faster rates. But learning physics opened up a new realm of self-evaluation, and by the time he received his letter to Hogwarts, Monty was immersed in Muggle science and engineering.

Monty takes summer classes with Sinclair, now. When he has the time at Hogwarts, he does scientific experimentation or anything to keep his mind busy. In September, Raven came to him asking for lessons in mechanics, so these days they meet several nights a week to tinker with computer parts. It's enjoyable. Monty's still unsure why she wants to know how to fix things when there's Reparo to cast, but most Muggle practices teach valuable lessons.

"Besides," Raven usually tells him, "you never know if you're going to be in a situation without a wand handy. I'd ask Professor Wallace, but he doesn't know how to fix anything without a spell. His class is all about Muggle artwork. Painting's alright, but it's not for me."

Being a Muggleborn in Hogwarts certainly leaves the world open to interpretation. Being a Ravenclaw allows Monty to want to pursue all aspects of the universe, including science and magic, and share his knowledge with his peers. Raven gets it. Jasper doesn't, his head all up in the clouds. (But that's familiar. Monty loves Jasper because he's always there with a reassuring hand and something to laugh about.)

Loyalty. It's what Monty values in people, and what causes Jasper to stick by his side most of the time. An outside party would probably assume it's to make more toad jokes, but Monty knows their temporary separation has made Jasper even more protective of him. Despite this, they're both scrawny for sixth years. Getting their arses kicked is usually inevitable.

It happens on Wednesday. Monty and Jasper are heading for Alchemy when their year's wannabe Slytherin queen crosses their path. "Hey Mudblood," she says to Monty (and he's really tired of this happening), "I hear from the rumor mill that your transfiguration situation was cured by my fellow Beater. Care to explain?"

"He put you up to this?" Monty eyes her and her cronies warily.

"Nah. He's innocent," Ontari snorts, her eyes appearing to know more than she's letting on. "Too infatuated with his boyfriend to care for a Mud-"

"Don't you call him that!" Jasper shouts, pulling out his wand, and Merlin why does it always happen like this? Ontari, Titus, and the rest of her fellowship aren't something they can defend against, even at this age. Jasper should know better than to attempt anything.

(See, Ontari is more of a dragon than a half-Kneazle. Monty has heard covert stories of her… seduction of Murphy that didn't sound like seduction at all, and considering, Murphy has a dangerous reputation himself. Jasper- being an airhead- is ignorant to the entire situation. Monty would rather his best friend not be the second victim.)

And so the rest of Wednesday is spent in the infirmary, Jasper nursing a Bat-Bogey Hex and Monty recovering from a plethora of bee stings. Not so bad, really.

The Ontari encounter aside, Friday comes around without an issue. Everyone seems to be talking about the Blakes' co-house party. The siblings host a few parties every year, choosing an empty classroom to decorate and fill with food, drink, and people of all ages. If the professors know, they've never said anything. (Ignoring that time when Professor Indra warned Monty not to give too much alcohol to the underclassmen. It isn't a problem. Bellamy Blake does most of the distribution, and he won't give any to fourth years or younger.)

The talk of the party is what brings Monty to the greenhouses. He has a free period on Friday afternoons, and Professor Vera always accepts the help graciously, knowing Monty's parents are horticulturists. He has no problem handling the seventh years' plants, and doesn't mind working with the seventh years, either. Truthfully? It's the best way to hang out with Clarke.

Clarke's hair is tied back and her face flushed as she wrestles with a massive Vampiric vine. "Hey, Monty!" she says, turning around when she sees him. Her other partners look up and nod- one is Roma, a Gryffindor, and the other is Bryan.

"Clarke," Monty grins, pulling on his dragon hide gloves. "Here to help. And maybe gossip about the Blakes' party, if you know anything."

Bryan moves over to allow him some room to access the vine. They're supposed to be pruning it, but that proves difficult when there are thousands of tiny bloodsuckers lining the shoots. Every helping hand matters when trying to wrestle the thing down.

"It's going to be fantastic," she says. "Octavia has convinced the House Elves to make a butterbeer-infused cake: my mouth is watering just thinking about it. And Bellamy says they've found some sort of room that transforms into whatever you want it to be. I think that's a bit far-fetched, but he's really excited about the chocolate fountain."

At once, they all dive for the vine, Roma coming at it with the shears while Clarke, Monty, and Bryan hold it down. "Chocolate fountain?" Bryan exclaims, huffing from exertion. "Sign me up! I haven't had fondue in years."

"You're coming, right?"

"Yeah. Nate and I wouldn't miss it."

Roma yells with triumph as she snips away a particularly rogue shoot. "What's a chocolate fountain?" she asks, a bit belatedly.

"Exactly what it sounds like. Melted chocolate coming from a machine. It's a Muggle thing," Monty replies, letting up from the vine. It lashes out at him, but he's quicker to jump out of the way. Then, looking to Clarke: "How's Bellamy doing?"

She smiles through pursed lips, much like her mother. "He's fine. Entirely obsessed with history, as usual. Gina got him this Muggle book about war from a long time ago, and he hasn't been able to shut up about it- apparently his mum read it to him and Octavia when they were little." (Monty faintly remembers something about Bellamy and Octavia's mother being a Muggle- their father was a wizard, though, as far as he can tell.)

"Wait, hold up- who's Gina?"

Bryan looks at him curiously. "You don't know who Gina is?"

"Bellamy's girlfriend," Roma interjects. "They've been dating for a few days now, but Merlin knows it's been on the horizon for a while."

Hold up. Monty quickly analyzes the situation. Roma and Bryan seem pleased, probably because they're friends with Gina, but Clarke looks positively heartbroken. Apparently, the unresolved sexual tension between Clarke and Bellamy has become mega-unresolved. Something must be done. He catalogues it in his mind for later.

The conversation peters out after this. Professor Vera comes around to check up on their work, and everyone slips into the taxing rhythm of fending off rogue shoots. Finally, they finish pruning the Vampiric vine and rip off their gloves, wiping sweat from their faces. "See you tonight, Monty," Clarke says. She turns to leave the greenhouse. "Don't forget the Firewhiskey!"

Roma leaves, too, accompanied by another gang of seventh years. It's just Bryan standing next to him now, packing up his things. The air surrounding Monty feels muggy and uncomfortable.

"You bring the Firewhiskey?" Bryan asks, his eyebrows knitting.

"Yeah," Monty says, shuffling his feet. "Well, I make it. Usually. Not this time: Jasper made it this time, since I've been too busy trying to make up the missed schoolwork."

"Right. Two weeks, that sucks." He pauses, but Monty has nothing to say, so nothing is said. "Er… I hope you don't mind me asking this, but, erm, I've just been really curious about why my boyfriend was able to change you back? Nate just told me to let it go… but I figured I'd hear it from the source, you know?"

"Why do you call him Nate?"

"That's his name, isn't it?"

"I guess," he says. "In- in terms of what happened, there isn't a reason that I know of. Kane told Jasper a kiss from the right person would do, and Miller happened to be the right person. That's all."

"Really?"

For some reason, Monty has to fight the urge to tell the truth. "Really." And Bryan's relieved smile- well- it's nothing compared to the memory of Miller's lips on his forehead. (Monty rubs at the spot in between his eyes and wills the thought away. The memory of an unpleasant smirk replaces it, but not before Bryan leaves.)

"My favorite sixth years!" Octavia Blake cheers. Her dark hair is decorated with several small braids, probably courtesy of Monroe. She socks them both in the shoulders and grabs the jug of Firewhiskey out of Monty's arms. "Thanks for the booze, Jas. I owe you."

The party is already in full swing, crowds of people milling about with butterbeer and pumpkin juice clutched in their hands. Monty recognizes people of all ages and houses; the turnout is at least a third of the school. He's surprised the Blakes managed to find a classroom that contains everyone, especially… wait, is that chocolate fountain built into the wall?

"What is this place?" Monty asks Octavia. Jasper has already merged with a crowd of alcohol-thirsty people, equipped with his own jug.

The Gryffindor leans toward him. "I'm not supposed to be going around saying this, but Bell discovered that this room can change into whatever you need it to be. A toilet, a dorm, a partying room… you name it. The House Elves in the kitchens call it the Room of Requirement." She shifts the jug of Firewhiskey to the crook of one arm and pulls him further into the room with the other. "Check this out. A built-in stereo system! Plays the Weird Brothers and all sorts of other bands. Plus, the decorations were already here, and there's a chocolate fountain."

"Biggest hit of the night," Monty grins. "So, hypothetically, I could use this place as my own personal shower?"

"Probably. I mean, if there's a bathroom available. According to the House Elves, the Room of Requirement lost a few of its options after it burned down during the Second Wizarding War." She sighs. "I've got find Bell and help him distribute the booze, so I'll see you later? Have fun!"

Octavia disappears into the crowd, and Monty is momentarily lost. The lights are colorful in the room, but dim, and it's hard to make out any friendly faces. Nor does dancing take his fancy right now: he's always preferred Muggle music to the Weird Brothers. More variety and less sound effects. Then again, all beats sound the same when he's drunk on butterbeer and Firewhiskey.

A cup makes its way to him, somehow, and Monty takes a large gulp. It burns its way down his throat. Nice.

He has a pretty high tolerance, so knocking back the drink only induces a buzz that brightens the colors and makes the Weird Brothers almost tolerable. Crossing the room, Monty searches for someone to talk to. Not Clarke- she's surrounded by a group of younger boys with die-hard crushes. Not Bellamy- he's with Gina. Jasper is nowhere to be found. And… Monroe! Monty slips through a group of Hufflepuff fourth years to reach the Gryffindor.

Too late, he realizes she is standing with Harper. But they already see him, and Harper is motioning to the plate of chocolate-covered strawberries in her hands. "Monty!" she giggles. "Have you ever tried this? You have to try this. Chocolate from a fountain- I didn't know Muggles were so awesome!"

Monroe rolls her eyes. "She's had a bit too much to drink already."

"I can tell," he says. Gazing at Harper, whom he's been avoiding lately, feels like someone has taken his heart and thrown it off of Ravenclaw tower. The colors wash over her face and hair, which is done up in braids, much like Octavia's. She beams in the signature Hufflepuff fashion. Harper is beautiful. He loves her, and some part of him always will. "Sorry, Harp. I'd try the fondue, but the line is too long."

"Have some of mine. I got extra to share with Zoe, but she doesn't like chocolate. Isn't that crazy?"

Monty takes a strawberry, and Harper exclaims that she loves this song and runs off toward the dance floor. He turns to Monroe. "Zoe, now?" (There's pain in his tone. He knows it; Monroe knows it.)

"Recent development," says the Gryffindor lowly. "Green…"

"What?" he snaps.

There is a hand on his shoulder. "Green, I'm going to be real with you for a moment. I know it's challenging to hear, especially from me, but Harper has moved on. You haven't. And you need to. Your avoidance has been causing everyone widespread grief, and continuing to cling to last year's relationship only hinders you from something better. Step into unfamiliar territory; stop being such a coward."

Several things click into place at once. These days, Harper's smile doesn't hold a candle to the way she smiled last year, yet that isn't because Harper's smile has changed: his perception has. Monty's jealousy doesn't concern Harper, but instead reflects on the things he wants but cannot have. He is a lonely soul, with friends upon friends, but nobody to understand his inner sadness.

Monty doesn't smell Harper in Amortentia.

He looks up. "I'm sorry. Fuck- I'm so sorry." There are tears welling in the corners of his eyes.

"It's fine."

"I think I'll always remember what it was like to be in love with her," he says, talking too fast. "And I love her, but I haven't been in love with her for a- a while. It's different. It's… thank you. Thank you."

"Save the sap for someone who actually cares," Monroe says, but she's grinning and Monty is grinning and everything glows with subtle relief. When Harper returns, clueless about anything previously said, Monty is happy. It's the first time he's been able to say this for a long time. Monty is happy, and not the slightest bit lonely. Friendship is the fuel of existence.

There's more laughter, vibrating music, and chocolate fondue before Monty decides to leave Monroe and Harper to search out Jasper. After a few minutes of searching, he gives up and heads for Clarke. The Slytherin is holding two glasses of Firewhiskey, looking pretty far gone. Holding a coherent conversation with her proves to be impossible. Monty is about to give up and down several shots of Firewhiskey himself when Jasper pops out of nowhere.

"Aaaand Jasper Jordan comes to the rescue!" he shouts over the music, accidentally knocking into another partygoer and spilling Firewhiskey everywhere. (A rescue, Monty's arse.) "How's my boy doing? Drunk yet?"

Monty pulls out his wand to clean up the mess. "Not even close. Where have you been all this time?"

"A true wizard never reveals his secrets! Well, actually, I've been with Maya. Talking about… Potions! Yeah, Potions," he says. "Hey, so Octavia told me they're starting to run out of butterbeer and asked me to go retrieve more from their secret stash. Come with me?"

The Ravenclaw is fantastic at scoping out a lie, and Jasper's never excelled at being secretive anyway. "If Octavia needed more butterbeer, she would get more butterbeer. What is it actually?"

"You caught me. Unfortunately, I can't tell you. Wouldn't be a secret otherwise."

"I hate secrets."

"Not as much as I do!" Jasper swings his arm around Monty's shoulders. "It's getting close to Halloween, and I've got a present for you, so either you come with me because I'm your trustworthy best friend or you stay here with Firewhiskey and loneliness."

Monty grumbles, but allows Jasper to drag him across the dance floor and outside the Room of Requirement. Truthfully, he does trust Jasper. The dork would never do anything to put him in danger. Plus, he gives Monty random presents all the time, so there's no reason today will be any different.

Jasper leads him down the hallway, going on and on about the butterbeer-infused cake that Bellamy should be cutting open any moment now. Monty tunes him out. Instead, he marvels at the fact that outside the Room of Requirement, there remains no trace of the Weird Brothers' music. The walls have been magically sound-proofed.

They stop outside a door that Monty doesn't recognize. "What's this?" he asks, to which Jasper smiles goofily and mutters a soft "Alohomora." Inside, the room is quite dark, and Monty peers in. What in the world could Jasper be on about?

Suddenly, everything is careening forward and there's the sound of a door slamming behind him. "See you on the other side, brother!" shouts Jasper from somewhere. Monty doesn't know. It's too dark to see anything, and he's fallen sideways on what seems to be a pile of cleaning brooms. Oh, fabulous.

"What the hell?" Monty shouts. There's cackling from outside the door. "Jasper Jordan, you let me out right now or I'll hex you into oblivion!"

The world goes silent. Monty can hear Jasper's footsteps receding, and he vaguely shifts his hand around the cleaning brooms in order to find a wall. It's the custodian's closet. The closet is so dark that when he holds a hand in front of his face, there's barely any outline to perceive. Monty grimaces and moves to stand up when a voice says, "It's no use."

The sudden sound causes Monty to stumble, triggering the pile of cleaning brooms to give away beneath him. He's sent crashing into something quite warm and… muscular?

"Miller?" he all but screeches.

"Green," says Miller coolly. His voice sounds right next to Monty's ear- the man is practically breathing down his neck- and the Ravenclaw springs away instantly. Whatever sort of emotion he feels from the closeness is shoved quickly aside.

"What- how- Jasper- why?"

"Don't ask me. Your friend's a nutcase."

Monty leans up against something that doesn't feel bound to collapse. "Tell me about it," he mutters, mind racing as he pulls out his wand. "Alohomora!" Nothing happens.

"Tried that. Jordan's got some ward on the door- whatever it is, we're not gonna be getting through with magic. What in the damn world was he thinking?"

Taking in his counterpart's bitter tone, Monty can almost imagine the expression on Miller's face. Lips twisted with loathing, eyebrows knitted, eyelashes… well, Monty had better stop imagining things. The expression is ugly. Yes, he believes that. No, True Love doesn't exist.

"Jasper's got some noble idea that I'm lonely and in need of a hot date," he sighs. It's a half-truth. "All good intentions until he pulls something like this."

"Why me? I've got Bryan-"

"His mind's been set. Boyfriends don't stand in the way." The room is small enough that they're forced to sit side by side. Monty can feel Miller tense at his words. "But don't worry: Jasper's delusional. I don't even like you very much."

"Subtle."

There's silence for a while. Monty runs a hand through his hair and looks toward an undetermined point on the ceiling. Miller's leg is positioned very close to his, and there's heat radiating from it (but Monty doesn't want to consider that). Instead, he turns his attention to a vaguely familiar scent as Miller stretches. It's citrus-y, spiced, with slight herbal undertones. The combination isn't bad, but it's somehow… somehow wrong.

The words leave his mouth before he can consider what he's saying. "Are you wearing cologne?"

Miller stops stretching. "What?"

"Er- I asked if you were wearing-"

"I know what you said." The Slytherin's tone can only be described as intense. "What sorta question is that, Green? It doesn't matter if I wear cologne or not. Bloody hell. We're strangers, there's no point in small talk."

For reasons unknown, this causes Monty to have a sudden epiphany.

See, Miller seems angry all of the time, but there's something in his eyes that isn't… well. It isn't something you can just overlook. Monty has been too quick to judge and not quick enough to judge his own feelings. There's no reason he should be considering a stranger's smirk ugly. There's no reason a stranger's eyes would be enigmas, or a stranger's lips would feel so soft. Monty doesn't look twice at strangers. But here he is, asking a Slytherin he cannot even see about the cologne he's wearing.

"Maybe I don't want to be strangers," Monty says quietly.

Miller doesn't reply for a very long time. Minutes slip by. The dark presses down on the two wizard's shoulders, but neither cares to light a wand or make small talk. Eventually, Monty assumes the Slytherin has fallen asleep, and he closes his own eyes. Miller's breathing is steady. Relaxing.

He is beginning to drift off when Miller's breath hitches. "It's… it's Bryan's favorite."

"Hmm?"

"The cologne. It's Bryan's favorite," he says. (But Monty is already asleep.)

The next day, Monty has only a vague memory of Jasper shaking him awake in an empty closet. His best friend seemed convinced he had "gotten some," but then again, a drunk Jasper is worse than delusional. And a hungover Jasper is worse than a drunk one. Monty thanks Merlin's pants that he doesn't have to sit at the Gryffindor table.

Wick and Raven are much better company. They partied pretty hard last night, but with every glass of alcohol they drink two glasses of water. "Hydrate or diedrate," Wick says. It's the best hangover cure.

In terms of Monty's own health status, he feels almost refreshed. Firewhiskey might blaze through your blood, but a single glass doesn't impact the brain. And that's not the best thing- the best thing is remembering his conversation with Monroe. Monty is over Harper. Monty is over Harper!

He loves her still, and she loves him, and there's no romance whatsoever. Monty can gaze at her beautiful smile from across the Great Hall and it doesn't hurt anymore.

Another relief stirs at the back of his mind. Turning to the Slytherin table, Monty gazes over the heads of his fellow classmates. Murphy and Emori seem to be having a contest to see how many kippers they can float over each other's heads. Lexa is whispering to Gustus. Clarke deliberately avoids Bellamy's gaze from across the table, and sitting next to Bellamy is… is…

Monty would rather turn into a toad than have this revelation.

"What's the matter?" asks Raven, heaping more sausage onto her plate.

He shakes his head violently. "Nothing." But that's a lie. Everything is the matter. The idea that Miller is an enigma to be decoded: that matters. So does Jasper's belief in True Love, and the scent of Amortentia, and the press of lips against Monty's forehead. So does Miller's smirk, and the realization that it isn't ugly anymore.

No- no, this can't be right. Monty hates the Slytherin in his expression, hates that he's an unresolved mystery. Hates Miller. But there's a voice in the dark talking about cologne, and closed eyelashes, and his smirk- his smirk is really fucking hot and…

…and Monty has a crush on a taken man.

Bloody hell.