Chapter 30
Beta'd by Black Sparrow
Shiori sat tiredly over the contracts that her lawyers had negotiated with the Akimichi clan and futilely rubbed her stiffening neck to stave off the pressure headache for a little bit more. Feeling herself becoming distracted the young mother pushed the papers away and threw a glance out of the window. It was pouring buckets of icy cold water and Shiori pitied anybody who had to spend time outside, she hoped that wherever Kakashi was at the moment that he hadn't to deal with such weather. Tired of the boring paperwork Shiori relaxed back into her chair and started to watch the rain slapping against the window, lulled like this into a near meditative state Shiori's thoughts started to wander.
Since she had come to Konoha so much had changed in her life and she had felt herself changing alongside it, like a canvass that had been painted over and over and over again. The months after Hinako's birth had had the latest and probably the most intense effect on the personality of the young mother.
During the long and exhausting nights in which Hinako had kept them up or woke them up in short intervals Shiori had started once more to dream about Eliza's life after years of next to none of them. The black haired civilian blamed her sleep deprivation and the stress of dealing with her newborn child on the fact that she felt off kilter.
While Kakashi had lesser problems with the sleep deprivation, Shiori still feared that his lack of sleep could endanger him during missions and so on the nights before he had to leave she made him sleep in the guestroom to catch some rest. Kakashi had NOT been happy with this but in the end complied most of the time.
At three months the little girl had then finally started to sleep longer and subsequently given her parents the much needed relief.
From then on Shiori finally had time to really examine the state of her mind.
She knew with a hundred percent certainty that she WAS Shiori. That was her name and that was her life and she would change nothing about what she had done since being reborn here. Damn the knowledge she had received from Eliza. Marrying Kakashi was probably her best decision so far because she was happy, really happy with him and along with her husband came their daughter. Shiori couldn't even begin to describe the amount of love that she felt for this tiny being that was just discovering the world around her.
With her identity sorted out she dove into the memories she had locked away for such a long time. When she watched the first few ones Shiori paused confused, they had started to go strangely blurry since she had last had dreams about them. The emotions that she had felt so clearly at some point that it would have hurt her mentally if she hadn't suppressed them with all her might, felt dulled and watered down. The disbelief and grief that Eliza had had felt for her parents and friends right after becoming aware about her death, wasn't as all-encompassing anymore.
Eliza, the person that had been the voice in the back of her mind for such a long time and had taught her so many things had been slowly dying for years and Shiori had never noticed, hadn't wanted to notice. When she now called for the woman that had once been her soul's other life she only received some whispered words and some dulled feelings instead of full answers and a clear emotion.
This discovery startled the young mother awake, had her desperate tries to suppress the overwhelming feelings killed this woman that once possessed her soul? Shiori felt shock, confusion and to her horror even relief. Relief that she would never again be overwhelmed by Eliza's feelings, relief that one of her greatest nightmares would never happen, that their situations would be switched and it would be her as the small voice in the back, and relief that her body would soon really be HER body and nobody else's.
After that discovery Shiori had spent the day curled around her daughter who had been a consoling presence while she tried to cope with the fact that she had felt relief at somebody else's future death, worse somebody who was a different version of herself. What was that saying about her character? Was she really so selfish that she would sacrifice Eliza to keep her life as it was now…her family?
The answer was yes.
After that revelation Shiori had felt weighted down and at the same time strangely at peace with herself.
This was her. Hatake Shiori, a wife who loved her husband, a mother who loved her child, somebody who liked to take care of people, somebody who liked to cook, bake and experiment with new ingredients, somebody who was fiercely protective of whom she loved…somebody who was inherently selfish and would choose her own life over that of somebody else, with the only exceptions being her loved ones.
This self-awareness had far reaching consequences, it centered her and restored her Zone and this time it was also an all compassing inner calm that flooded her thoughts and filled her whole body.
When Kakashi had returned from his latest mission he had looked at her for a long moment before he had put his arms around her and had kissed her unhurriedly.
"Something is different about you," her husband had murmured while he slowly rubbed her arms up and down.
"Hhm, yes well I came to a conclusion," Shiori stated while she reveled in the feeling of contentment and warmth that she had come to associate with Kakashi's presence.
"And that would be?" Kakashi asked relaxed while he in turn basked in his wife's calmness.
Kakashi's thoughts circled around his wife's utter calm. Since Hinako's birth she had lost the calmness and understated warmth that had attracted him the most concerning her personality, not that she wasn't warm and loving to both of them but something had been bothering her. At first he had thought it was just because of her being out of her depth because she was a new mother but when the months went by and she hadn't found her equilibrium again he started to wonder what could keep her from it. And now the calmness had returned, maybe even stronger and more…intense wasn't the right word but he couldn't describe it in any other way.
"I'm an inherently selfish person and I would gladly sacrifice anybody else for a chance to stay with both of you," Shiori answered Kakashi truthfully.
Her husband didn't say anything for the next few moments while they enjoyed each other's proximity before he hmmed under his breath and whispered in her ear, "I'm glad."
The black haired civilian's lips twitched and she snuggled a bit closer to the human furnace against her body, this was one of the many reasons she loved Kakashi. He listened to her the few times she talked about her feelings and simply accepted without judging her.
Their moment was interrupted by the still minimal whimper of their daughter. Shiori sighed and grinned up wryly at Kakashi before she removed herself from his body and made her way into the library to check what was wrong.
When she reached the door frame Kakashi's smooth voice sounded through the room, "It's okay you know…being selfish. We all are, especially the ninja. We want to keep those that are important to us safe for our own sakes; that's the reason why we risk our lives for Konoha first and foremost not because of some strange notion of honor and duty."
Shiori halted for a moment and then glanced back at her husband who stood in the middle of their living room and stared back at her. Shiori's lips slowly turned up into a smile, she liked Kakashi's explanation. Without another word she turned around and continued to their crying daughter. Yes, being selfish suddenly wasn't so bad anymore.
On another note Shiori had returned her full attention to Mariko's three months after Hinako's birth. She had been checking up on it since Hinako was three weeks old and had done the essentials but because of her lack of sleep she was pretty much useless in the serving room.
Her employees had cooed over little Hinako the first time they had seen her and hadn't stopped since then. Whenever she had brought her with her when she worked for some hours in her office they had found convenient excuses to visit her and Hinako, which meant that they were unfortunately distracted from work.
So Shiori tried to go only on the days when she knew Kakashi would be at home to take care of their daughter, which didn't work out so well because he could get a notice for a mission at any time, and while there were another four shinobi on hand, the same applied to them.
This situation left Shiori in a bind, she loved her daughter and she would NEVER ever leave her unsupervised or with babysitters that had little to no clue what they were doing, but she also loved her job and damn it, she had built up Mariko's since the beginning and for about a year now, ever since her marriage and pregnancy she felt more and more left out. Yes it had been wonderful the first few months to concentrate mostly on her marriage and growing child but now she wanted to return at least partially to her work in the service room and not only coordinate behind the scenes.
Her saving grace was a conversation with Himawatari-sensei who also served as her pediatrician because otherwise they would have to inform another medic about her martial state and Shiori didn't want to risk this. Since the birth of Hinako her mother instincts had been running on high alert and she had done everything to insure that her daughter would NOT be brought in connection with Kakashi. There were thankfully enough white and grey haired shinobi and civilians in Konoha that nobody gave her daughter's hair a second glance.
Himawatari-sensei had called her attention to a pretty convenient service in Konoha, the Konoha crèche. It was the saving grace of every kunoichi mother, shinobi father and harrowed civilian parent. They were open twenty four hours, seven days a week and could take children on short notice without the parents having to pay obscene amounts because of the short notice. Furthermore they had one of the best securities in Konoha, it also helped that the crèche was only a ten minute walk away from the mission office and strategically close to one of the tunnels that led to Konoha's emergency structure inside the Hokage Mountain.
So when Shiori registered Hinako there she had a good feeling about this place. To be on the safe side she still registered her under Inoue but also authorized Kakashi and the rest of the ANBU team to pick up her daughter. After completing the paperwork the blue eyed civilian was assured that the list of her contacts as well as any other information concerning her daughter would not become public knowledge under any circumstance. Shiori was also handed a package of information with the crèche's services and rules.
As a trial run the black haired woman left her daughter with the caretakers for the next four hours. Not even twenty minutes into her new found freedom Shiori felt absolutely rotten for just leaving her child with unknown people and had to force herself quite a few times to not return to the crèche during the trial period. In the end the young mother stood in front of the building nearly an hour too early to take her baby home.
The head caretaker, a robust looking woman with warm eyes just nodded understandingly at the anxious mother when she returned that early. Shiori listened to the woman while she explained that while Hinako had been fussy for the first hour, she had calmed down significantly for the rest of the time and that she didn't see any problems in the future. To be on the safe side the tea house owner did another few test runs and with each time she felt better about leaving Hinako in the experienced hands of the workers in the crèche.
From then on Hinako spent one day a week in the daycare while Shiori returned to her ninja clients for a few hours. This change up in her routine not only made the black haired civilian happier but also her customers. Especially the Hyuuga seemed to be delighted at her reappearance in their typically understated manner. Hinata had brightened up and had tentatively initiated a conversation with Shiori, she had done this only two times before and the black haired woman couldn't help but smile down at the shy kunoichi in training. Hinata's stutter had worsened a bit in the time she had been absent from Mariko's and Shiori was determined to try to coax the girl out of her shell once more.
On another note Naruto had bellowed in happiness and tackled her when he had recognized her behind the display case instead of one of her employees. He had asked her pretty loudly why she hadn't been there the last few months, which brought Shiori in a bit of a dilemma but in the end she decided to just skirt the topic without lying to the sunny boy in front of her.
"I'm sorry Naruto that I haven't been here a lot, there has been a big change in my private life and with the success of my business came additional duties, so I had to reduce my hours here," she answered while she carefully stroked through his blonde hair, he had grown a bit since she had last seen him.
"So how is school?" the black haired civilian asked to distract the hyperactive boy.
Naruto huffed a bit before he launched into a tale about his latest prank and the detention Iruka-sensei had given him for that.