Hermione heard three loud shatters and then nothing.
He'd cast a silencing charm.
What was he doing? Was he alright? She wanted to go to the bathroom door, to check on him, but she wouldn't. She couldn't. He needed his privacy. She had to leave him be and hope for the best. She couldn't push him any further.
So she stayed curled up in the chair, her tail tightly wound around her legs, and tried to calm the nerves that were fluttering through her body, making her her hackles stand on end.
Severus looked down at his bleeding knuckles and sighed. Clenching his teeth, he waved his wand and the bones snapped back into place. Another wave of his wand and the blood was cleared, and the skin began healing over itself.
He lifted his head and looked around. He was standing amidst nothing but broken glass and ceramic. Sighing again, he got to work on repairing everything in the bathroom. It was a slow process, half due to the overwhelming exhaustion he now felt, and partly due to the fact that the objects he was repairing had practically been obliterated. He was lucky he could repair them at all.
He had no idea how long he'd been in there, yelling and throwing punches at the wall, and turning his wand on everything his eyes fell on, and he'd no clue how long it had taken him to clean up the mess, and shower, but he knew it had been quite a while, so he was surprised to see Hermione awake when he left the bathroom.
She looked up at him instantly, her eyes wide, and Severus felt pain and surprise well up inside him again. He didn't think he'd ever get used to the idea that someone was worried about him.
And he didn't deserve it.
No, stop. He shook his head. He couldn't think like that right now, or he'd be right back in the bathroom before too long, destroying everything all over again. He needed to be in control of himself.
He'd already changed into his night wear, a pair of cotton pants and a white t-shirt. He expected Hermione to rake her eyes over his body in surprise, but as he watched her, she gave him a warm lioness grin and lowered her head, closing her eyes.
He ran a hand through his damp hair and sighed silently to himself, sparing a moment longer to look at the lioness, before turning and pulling back the covers of his bed, lying with his back towards her and planting his face into the mostly flat pillow, fully aware that he would not get a moment's sleep.
As it turned out, he only had about 3 hours in bed until he had to get up and prepare for the day anyway. He was glad to see that Hermione didn't wake as he got up and went to the bathroom to get ready for the day. She seemed quite comfortable in his chair, which was a piece of furniture that he hated and had no idea why he'd kept, but then again, lions were a bit different than humans, and he'd seen cats lie in weirder places.
He brushed his teeth, then dressed quickly, fingers moving without thought over the buttons of his crisp white shirt and vest. He tied his cravat and put on his frock coat, flicking his wand, the buttons doing themselves up in a matter of seconds.
He pulled on his dragon hide boots and tied them up tightly. He slipped his wand in the small holder hidden up his sleeve, and went back out to his room.
He had to tend to Hermione's neck again before he left to his office to catch up on some grading. He approached her silently, then cleared his throat and said quite hoarsely,
"Hermione, wake up."
She did, although slowly and groggily, no doubt due to her body fighting to heal itself.
"I need to tend to your neck before I leave." He told her, and she nodded absently, hopping down off the couch and lowering herself into a stretch. She stuck her forelegs out and her rump rose into the air, tail swinging leisurely as her back arched and chest grazed the floor. Then she rose her chest up and stretched the other direction, lowering her stomach to the floor while stretching her back legs out straight behind her. Then she stood, shook slightly, yawned, and turned to him expectantly.
He cleaned the salve that he'd applied previously and titled her head back so the light could illuminate her neck, allowing him to examine her wounds more closely.
They looked the same as they had before, ultimately, but that was to be expected. It would take them a while to heal. He was just glad it seemed the cauterizer had worked, as the wounds had not reopened or bled since he'd used it.
He figured he should probably tell her this information. He took a deep breath and calmed his mind, refusing to let it wander to the fact that he had been the one to -
No. That's exactly where he didn't want his thoughts to go.
"They'll take a while to heal, but they seem to be doing nicely so far. No infection has set in, and they haven't reopened. I'll have to keep applying this healing and protective salve every few hours, and I'll leave your neck unwrapped from now on, since they've completely stopped bleeding. OK?"
She nodded slightly under his hands, and he released her chin so she could lower her head back down slightly. He accio'd the tin of salve and applied some more to her neck.
"There. I'll come back after breakfast to check on you, and then after every class I have. Is this agreeable?"
She raised an eyebrow at him.
He raised an eyebrow in return, waiting for an answer. She shook her head no.
"And why not?"
Like she could answer, dumbass.
"Should I check on you more?" He asked. She shook her head in the negative.
"Less?" She shook her head again, firmly. He ran a hand through his hair, getting frustrated. There were no other options.
Unless...
"No, you're not accompanying me. You need to stay here and rest, to allow your body to focus on healing itself. Also, walking around will not help to keep the wounds from reopening. No."
Hermione stood and walked towards the door, swishing her tail as if instructing him to open in.
"Hermione, I mean it. No."
She ignored him, continuing to swish her tail pointedly at the door.
He wished he could apparate inside the school, then he wouldn't have to fight with the mass of stubborn lioness at his door. Bloody hell.
"You can't be seen. Potter and Weasley will no doubt insist upon knowing what's happened to you."
This gave her pause, and she looked back at him, tilting her head slightly in thought.
That was a good point, and Hermione looked back over her shoulder at Severus. Sneaky little bastard. Well, he'd have to deal with it, wouldn't he?
No, that was just cruel. Harry and Ron would immediately jump to the conclusion that it was Severus's fault, and given how Severus liked to make things difficult for himself, and how badly he'd probably like to have Hermione out of his life, he would use the opportunity to have Ron and Harry complaining to the Headmaster about how Hermione's life was in danger and how Hermione should no longer be under Severus's care. Dammit.
But she wanted to be around Severus. She wanted to be around him until he let her back in. She had to get him to let her back in.
Then again, if she didn't show up at breakfast and during class, Harry and Ron would know that something was wrong anyway.
So she'd go with him, right? How obvious were her wounds? What if she just kind of tucked her chin in while she walked? And really, she could stay quite out of sight throughout the day. She'd keep Severus between her and the students in the hall, and could lie under the table with her back to the class so the students couldn't see her neck.
Yes, that's what she'd do.
He wasn't going to have an easy time getting rid of her, not at all.
She was one determined, intelligent, stubborn, Gryffindor lioness, and she was going to prove it.
Severus was not happy. He felt incredibly guilty about feeling unhappy, but he was unhappy all the same.
Hermione was lying at his side at the High Table.
She was too smart for her own good. Of course she'd thought of a way to stay glued to his side all day despite the fact he'd almost killed her just a few hours ago.
He still couldn't figure out why she wasn't terrified of him.
He was having a very difficult time keeping himself from trailing his fingers over her soft ears.
That part of their relationship was over. It had to be.
If it didn't end, she would get hurt again.
She could try to weasel her way back into his life the way she had before, but he wasn't going to let it happen.
He couldn't, wouldn't, watch her get hurt because of him again.
Severus was getting ready to leave the Great Hall early to prepare his classroom when he heard a throat clear behind him quite pointedly. Groaning inwardly, he turned around, glaring down the table towards where Albus was seated.
"Severus, my boy," he said cheerfully, waving his good hand in the air. "Meet me in my office."
Severus raised a lip in irritation, but inclined his head before turning swiftly on his heel and striding swiftly out of the Hall, barely resisting the urge to flip Albus the bird as he went.
Severus began preparing himself mentally as he made his way towards the Headmaster's office. No doubt he would be on the receiving end of a heated lecture in regards to what he'd done to Hermione, and he didn't need to hear it. He could give himself grief just fine without Albus.
But no. He'd have to listen to Albus go on about how irresponsible and selfish he was, how he had endangered the success of the Light, how his actions were despicable, that of a child, how Albus was disappointed in him and had expected more, how Severus was putting Albus in a difficult position because Severus was making it look like he wasn't truly fighting for the Light.
He'd heard it all before, but it never got any easier. He had looked up to Albus once, saw him as a beacon of hope and redemption, had felt his guiding hand on his back and been comforted by it. Not anymore. He'd seen the real side of the old bearded man, and it was cruel, manipulative, sometimes Severus would ever go as far to say it was heartless.
But, still... as much as Severus hated it, Albus's words meant something to him. As much as he despised himself for it, he wanted to hear Albus praise him, acknowledge him, validate him.
He knew better than to get his hopes up, now. He'd learned that he would never hear a kind word directed towards him in the privacy of Albus's own office, where he could speak openly and honestly, spitting knives into Severus as easily as he patted Harry on the head when he succeeded at some petty little task.
Severus grit his teeth and grumbled the password, closing his eyes for a moment as the Griffin in front of him spun around, revealing the staircase to Albus's office .
He wouldn't let Albus get a rise out of him. He wouldn't let his words hurt him, affect him, no, not this time.
Severus's eyes opened and they were hard and cold, deceivingly shallow, fascinatingly empty.
He made his way up the stairs, his mind calm and clear, the anger and trepidation he felt rising up in him as soon as his dragon hide boots hit the marble of the stairs forced down deep under his shields, hidden from everyone, including himself. He refused to feel anything.
He'd momentarily forgotten about the lioness at his side, God, Hermione, and he looked down at her with his empty eyes and felt nothing, forced himself to remain a hollow, empty shell, and he distantly heard his mouth form the words, his throat rumble the syllables,
"Stay here. "
He had not expected the concern in her eyes, the whine that escaped her parted mouth between her pearly fangs, he would never expect it, could never prepare himself for it, and he felt a pang of warmness in his heart threatening to melt the ice that encased it, and he turned away. He had to. He had to in order to stay sane.
He entered the room without knocking, letting the heavy wood door swing shut behind him, slamming in Hermione's face.
Don't think about her. She's fine .
Albus was already seated in his chair, and looked up as Severus walked in.
"Severus. Have a seat." he said, not rising from his chair.
"I'll stand." Severus said stiffly, only moving a few feet into the room. He slipped his wand into his pocket and crossed his arms behind his ram rod straight back, his hands clenched into fists.
"Lemon drop?" Albus asked, his blue eyes twinkling, not with kindness, but mischievousness. He would drag it out, keep up the façade until Severus was finally forced to break it. Severus always had to be the bad guy.
"What is the meaning of this meeting, Albus?"
The twinkle faded instantly. God, those blue eyes could turn fierce in an instant. The speed at which Albus could change his aura was unnerving, but Severus ignored it. It wasn't anything he hadn't seen before.
"You know why, Severus." Albus said, his aged voice firm, and Severus fought, trying to keep himself cold, emotionless, but he felt the words slice through his flesh as easily as if he were made of butter, felt them drive through the defenses he had so painstakingly devised, felt himself bleed as Albus said sternly, "You almost killed her."
Hermione pressed her ear against the wooden door and listened. She remembered that day she had first turned into a lioness, remembered how she'd been cowering behind the chair in front of Dumbledore's desk, and how she could hear him and Severus speaking outside the door as easily as if they were standing right beside her.
They had no idea. She could hear every word.
And dear Merlin, it was horrible.
"You almost killed her, Severus. Do you know what that would have done? Do you have any idea how that would have affected the War? She is crucial to our success, Severus. She is the smartest of the trio, she is the responsible one, the wise one. Harry and Ron would not last without her. And you almost killed her!" There was a slamming sound, and Hermione flinched.
"Whose side are you on, Severus? Are you truly on our side? You certainly don't act like it!"
Footsteps. Dumbledore's voice grew louder, clearer.
"Are you truly on our side, Severus?" He asked again. He didn't wait for an answer.
"How am I supposed to trust you if you behave like this, if you put everything at risk?" Dumbledore's voice dropped to a dangerous whisper, and Hermione imagined he was intruding Severus's space in this moment, probably lowering his face close to Severus's, staring dangerously into his eyes. Her hackles rose and she felt herself tremble.
"I am on your side, Albus. Of course you can trust me." Severus's voice was firm, strong, unwavering.
"It's easy for you to lie, isn't it? You deceive Tom Riddle, and he has no idea..."
"You ask me to lie to him, and I do it, because I am on your side."
"You're not like the others, Severus. You are a risk. You don't get to make mistakes. You don't get second chances. This is your second chance."
"I know." Severus's voice was suddenly low, soft... broken.
"You killed them, and you almost killed her." Hermione shivered.
"I know..." How could his voice sound so weak, so vulnerable, so pitiful? Why wasn't he sticking up for himself? He didn't let anyone speak like that to him, ever. He'd killed who?
"You're going to take over the research on transforming Hermione back. You will transform her back. And then you will never speak to her again."
"Of course."
"You don't deserve her, Severus."
Silence.
"You know that, don't you?"
No, no, no, no, no. He couldn't be doing this. He couldn't be this cruel.
"I know."
"You will do what I asked, and quickly. I don't trust you with her anymore. I'll be watching."
Dumbledore must have waved his hand in dismissal, because she could hear Severus's feet heading towards the door. She made to move away, but Dumbledore spoke again, and she hovered, her ear near the door, and gasped as she heard him say,
"And Severus? Don't forget about your other tasks. You will aid Draco, and you will kill me... and Miss Granger better be human before that happens."
Severus remained silent, but he must have cast Dumbledore a venomous look, because he spoke again.
"Don't give me that look, Severus. This is your fault. I'm disappointed in you, and how you've handled this. You have a responsibility to the Light, Severus, and sometimes it's difficult, but you have to remember who you're doing it for, and why you're doing it, and you have to grit your teeth and get through it like a man, not by going down to your quarters and getting wasted like a teenager."
"Don't talk about things you don't understand, Albus. You have no idea what you're asking of me."
"I do, Severus. I've forgotten more than you'll ever know." His voice was condescending, but then it softened, and he added,
I'"ve been through two wars, Severus. I know what it's like. I know the weight of what I'm asking you."
"I disagree." Severus replied, and Hermione could hear the anger rising in his voice.
"You always disagree."
"For a reason, Albus. You know full well that this school will turn into a torture chamber once you're gone and I'm in charge. I won't be able to protect anyone, no matter how hard I try. I'll be the enemy. No one will trust me. I can send information to the Order all day, but they won't believe a word of it. You haven't thought this through, Albus. Your plan doesn't make sense."
"That is your opinion, Severus, and it isn't going to change my mind. I've made it up. I'm the one in charge. I give the orders, and you take them." He stressed, and Hermione could feel the tension rising from where she was standing on the other side of the door, could taste in on her tongue, it was so palpable.
"Now, leave. You have classes to teach."
A/N - Thank you very much for all the lovely comments! I really appreciate it, and you guys inspire and motivate me so much!