" It is time for me to say goodbye to my father. We will stay in Udinov's state." Alex said and smiled sadly.
" Birkoff! Tell me that we know where she is?" Sean asked worried once more time.
" We only know what Alex let us to know." Birkoff replied calmly. He didn't want to piss Sean off right now. Alex had just rejected his proposal several hours ago.
" And what that would be?" Sean shouted.
" She is heading to Russia. We don't know anything more, just her final destination." Birkoff replied.
" I want to get there as soon as possible." Sean said.
" Sean, don't. She doesn't want us to go after her. The only reason why she is letting us know her destination is because she wants us to know that she is safe. But if we go after her, she will leave and she won't let any other leads for us. We will lose complete contact with her if you go after her" Nikita tried to reason her.
" Damn! What the hell Amanda did to her? Why is she so scared?" Sean shouted frustated and defeated. Nikita was right, he couldn't go after Alex without provoquing her. She let them some leads only because she wanted them to know that she was safe but if they used the leads to track her down then she would run away again and contact them only when her mission was over.
" Birkoff, I want you to inform us as soon as Alex let us have some visual or give us any more leads. Sean go and rest." Nikita ordered and Birkoff and Sean nodded defeated.
" What are you going to do?" Michael asked Nikita worried.
" I will wait for Amanda to show up." Nikita said firmly. She was so stubborn, Alex had warned her not to go after Amanda but she couldn't listen to anyone, she was so stubborn.
" Why you can't just listen to Alex and stay away from Amanda for awhile?" Michael asked sadly.
" Because Amanda is going after my loved ones and Alex is in danger because of me. I can't stand by and let her deal with I don't know what by herself" Nikita replied softly. She knew that Michael was worried about her but now she was worried for Alex. She didn't know what Alex was scared of and what her mission was and that silence was killing her, she was scared and she couldn't held her worry.
" Welcome to Udinov's state, guys" Alex said to her team as they approached the house where she grew up.
" It is huge" Meredith commented with wide eyes.
" Yes, it is. Make yourself comfortable." Alex replied softly and her team started looking inside the rooms and make themselves comfortable.
" Where are you going?" Tom asked when Alex started walking away from the others.
" To the room where everything started" Alex said sadly and went upstairs.
She opened the door and stepped in. She closed it behind her and took a deep breathe as images from her papa trying to save her passed through her mind. Slowly she walked towards the bed. She knelt down and took a huge breathe letting some tears to fall down. She didn't want to do it, she was so scared but she needed to do it. She needed to let it go, she needed to get rid of her fear. She laid down on the floor and moved under the bed. She kept her eyes closed trying to control her breathe. She tried to focus and hold back her panic attack. She remembered what Amanda had done to help her go through her past and she sighed loudly. Slowly she opened her teary eyes. She lived again her memory, her father hiding her and told her his last goodbye, he asked her to look for the moon and find things that will light her life even in her darkest moments, the door opening violently and Nikita- now without a mask- entering the room and executing her father, the fires growing around her. She relived this moment again and again until she could control her breathing. When she achieved her goal and fought her fear after two hours, she stood up. She walked away from the bed and started crying as soon as she reached the wall opposite of the bed, she fell on her knees and started sobbing. She couldn't handle it anymore. She needed to take out all her pain, her frustation, her feeling of betrayal. She cried till the time that she didn't have anymore tears to let down. Then with trembling legs, she walked out of the room.
" Are you ok?" Tom asked worried when he saw her cried feature.
" I will be better in awhile" Alex whispered back in grave voice.
" What are we doing here Alex?" Tom asked confused.
" I want to say goodbye to my father. I never had the chance to tell him that I loved him and that I miss him. I am going to visit his last residence, his grave." Alex replied seriously.
" You can't be serious! You are going to be too exposed. What if Amanda or Julian or anyone else come after you?" Tom shouted in shock.
" They are welcome to come. They don't want to kill me. They want to make me suffer so I am pretty sure that they will let me say my last goodbye because it will make me pain. And besides that, you and Meredith will be near by watching my back." Alex said firmly.
" Can we go now please? I don't want to make my papa wait" Alex added and grabbed a gun before she exitted the house.
Tom sighed defeated and gestured to Meredith to grab her gun too and they run after Alex. They entered her car and Alex headed to the cemetery.
" Nerd, anything new?" Nikita asked pacing up and down. She had a bad feeling and she didn't know why.
" No, Nicky, nothing. Amanda and Alex are out of the randar" Birkoff replied and kept typing like a maniac in his computer. He was so frustated that he couldn't locate Alex. He was shadowalker but he couldn't find Alex and she was out there by herself.
" This is crazy!" Sean shouted mad. He wanted his Alex back, he wanted to hold her and never let her go ever again.
Michael felt the tense in the room and walked towards Sean. He placed a reassuring arm on his shoulder.
" She will come back. Give her sometime. Everything will be fine." Michael said softly.
" Give her sometime? What if was Nikita on the run, Michael? It is easy to say that everything will be fine when you have the woman that you love in your arms! You don't have nightmares of your love coming back in a body bag! I have! So don't tell me that everything will be fine!" Sean yelled frustated. He didn't want to be mean with Michael, he was just worried to death.
Michael looked at him with sympathy. He was right, he would have gone crazy too if he didn't know where Nikita was. He took a minute to think how he was supposed to react and then hugged Sean softly and walked towards Birkoff giving him advices that might help locate Alex.
Sean looked at him with wide eyes. It was the first time that Michael had hugged him.
" I am sorry for taking it out on you guys" Sean whispered defeated.
" It is ok, Sean. We are all scared because we don't know why she left, where she is and what she is facing." Nikita said sadly. She could understand him, she felt the same way. She wanted to kick Alex's ass for scaring her to death and then hug her and never let her go ever again.
" Here we are. I need some privacy. Don't get yourself killed and don't kill anyone else" Alex ordered Meredith and Tom and walked towards her father's grave. She stood still for few seconds looking at his grave and then she knelt down placing some flowers on it.
" Hi, papa" Alex said with trembling voice.
" I am sorry for taking me so long. I didn't know how to come here and what to say. I am sorry, I should have found the courage earlier. I survived that night, papa. Your killer saved me. I didn't know how to handle this information. All my life I wanted revenge for your death. But I didn't know that the person that I love the most in this world, my savior, my best friend, my big sister is also the one who took everything away from me. I made you two promises the night that you died. I promised you to find a moon which will light even the darkest nights, I promised you to live for you and I promised you to avenge your death. The problem is that I can't complete both of my promises because my moon is also your killer. I don't know if I failed you but I made the choice to keep living for you. I didn't kill Nikita, papa. I killed Shemmak and I took Zetrov back but I couldn't kill Nikita. I couldn't live if I did. She is my moon. Even in my darkest nights, she is there holding me. Once you told me that I would have to trust someone someday but I should always depend on myself. You were right. Life is nothing without love and trust, papa." Alex cried quietly.
" I remember our last christmas together, I asked you what the best present would be for you. You looked at me and you told me that me and my mother had already given you that present, true love, the love that only a family can give you. I know now what you meant. Yes, true love is the best gift ever. You should know that mama is fine. I know that you would like to know that even if she cheated on you because you loved her so much. She is fine, papa. I found her and helped her to get better. She is safe now, far away from this crazy spy life." Alex continued and took a deep breathe.
" Your memory helped me survive, the skills that you taught me helped me survive, you were always there for me in my heart. I know that I have done things that you wouldn't have been proud of if you were alive, I have broken, I have tried to kill myself, I have lost hope but I am here now dealing with my past, dealing with my demons and I need you, papa. I need you to be there for me in my heart. I am finally standing up for myself even when it isn't easy and it isn't easy, papa. Leaving my familly behind to chase the past and heal myself isn't easy and I need you. I am doing what you taught me to do, I am trying to be strong, I am trying to do what it is necessary to protect the people that I love. You have always been my guider, papa, stay with me, don't leave me again papa. I miss you so much, I miss you. I love you and it hurts. I just want you to know that I love you. I love you, papa and I miss you" Alex whispered and let her tears to fall. She had kept it inside for so long. And now finally she had said to her father everything that she wanted him to know and the most important she had told him that she loves him.
She remained in silence for several minutes, with her head down and her eyes closed trying to put herself back together. She was brought out of her thoughts when she heard heels approaching. Her heart started beating faster as the heels came closer and the fear rose inside her. She knew that sound, she had heard it millions time in the past and it wasn't a sound that she wanted to hear ever again. But she expected that, she knew that a confrontation was coming, she just hoped that she could finish what she was doing. She took her chances and slowly she lifted her hand signaling to the person that was coming towards her that she needed two more minutes. And in Alex's surprise, the person obeyed and the sound of the heels fainted as the person stopped in shock a few metres away from Alex giving her some space to finish her goodbye. The visitor didn't expect Alex to feel her presence and she was surprised to see that Alex had sensed her coming. She didn't want to distrub Alex during her goodbye. Alex had gained her respect and she decided to stay in silence for as long as Alex wanted her to do so. She would speak with Alex but for now, she was going to let Alex say her goodbye.
" Nikitaaa!" Birkoff yelled.
" What?" Nikita shouted running towards him.
" We have visual to Amanda! The satellite caught her face." Birkoff informed her and put a video on the screen to play.
" Where is she?" Sean asked.
" In a cemetery in Russia" Birkoff informed them.
They all watched as Amanda was standing still a few metres behind a woman who was knelt down in front of a grave. They couldn't see the woman's face as her back was turned to the angle of the satellite.
" Who is the woman?" Michael asked.
" I don't know. Someone close to Amanda probably. She seems to respect her and the woman doesn't seem uncomfortable with Amanda's presence." Nikita commented studying the live video of Amanda.
" We will see soon." Sean mentioned when the woman wiped her face, touched the grave and then stood up her back still turned to Amanda.
The woman stood in silence for few seconds and then slowly turned to face Amanda exposing her identity.
" Alex?" Nikita gasped in shock and horror.