Looking Back

Ino lay in bed thinking back to the early stages of her relationship with her husband. The sun shine streamed through a small opening in the curtains now making it perfect for daydreaming. It was way past time to get up but Ino was feeling lazy today. She turned her thoughts back to the day she finally admitted to herself that she loved him. A flashback entered her mind and she closed her eyes thinking about it.

Sai lay in the grass looking up at the clouds. It was peaceful, serene. Ino's face hung over his. She was smiling and giddy. His mission had ended and he was busy taking a break. It took some finesse to track him down after this mission but Ino prided herself that she did.

"What are you thinking," Ino asked.

She was playfully stroking his hair.

"Nothing, absolutely nothing. How nice the clouds look," Sai said.

"You're so quiet today," she said.

"I know. I'm sorry I'm just in this mood whatever mood it may be," he said.

"Do you want to be alone," she asked.

"No, it's not that. I just don't know what we are anymore," he said.

"We don't have to define it," she said searching his face.

"Maybe I need to define it. We go thorough all the motions of just being this casual couple. Day after day week after week we pretend that we are just lovers and nothing more. Once in a while things get too real for me and I can't handle being nothing to you," he said.

"Nothing," she repeated, "is that why you're so quiet. You think I think like that."

"I'm in love with you, Ino. What happened back there is too hard for me to ignore," he said.

"Just because I-

"I know what it means to be in love with someone so yeah I am and I've never felt this way about anyone. I'm in it because I can't picture myself without you anymore. If it takes years for you to admit your feelings I'm ok with that. Just don't make me wait too long," he said.

Ino lay in the grass beside him resting her head upon his chest. This was a big step for her. It scared her how vulnerable she had become.

Today he wanted to move their relationship forward honestly and stop playing games.

"Alright then, moment of honesty," she turned on her side to look in his eyes but faltered saying, "you take the lead. You tell me what you want me to say, do."

"I can't do that. You'll tell me right now that you don't love me, honestly. I'll get up and walk away and never bother you," he said.

"I'm scared I don't deserve you. I'm afraid to wish for happiness. I fear that I'll lose you and have nothing after giving you everything. I'm not good with this…I feel like I finally won," she said.

"I can take that for now. You didn't say no so I'm here. I'm not going anywhere. I can wait," he said.

"You know you have really nice eyes," she said.

"Nice eyes. I've never heard that one before…nice. I must be losing it," he said.

"They are seriously good looking," she said.

"I'm not falling for this," he said.

"Come on you never look in the mirror and say 'look at me,'" she said.

"I can honestly say no I never do that," he said.

"Well you have to know how handsome you are. How nice your jaw line is how sexy your cheekbones are. You have to know that," she said.

She started kissing his jaw line and cheekbones.

He took a breath, "Still not falling for it."

"How incredible your lips feel on mine," she started to kiss him.

"There are other places that feel-

"Sai!"

"I hadn't thought about it," he tried to squirm away from her not wanting her to win this battle that easily. At the same time he had to admit he was hopeless.

"Look me in the eyes and tell me that you never thought about how your hands fit perfectly-

"Never," he sat up moving her aside, "That is playing dirty."

Eventually he knew what would happen if they kept this up. At this rate she would win and he would be back to square one. At the same time if she kept it up he would be a very happy man.

"My point is that I want you and you know that you want me just as bad," she said moving closer to him.

"It can't just be that for me. I don't want to wake up and you're sneaking out the front door. I want to wake up with you in my arms wanting to be there because you feel the same way, you love me," he said.

Ino watched as he walked away. Their conversation haunted her. When she woke in his arms with their hearts beating next to each other she dared to dream. She loved him of course she loved him. So why couldn't she get up from the ground. She stupidly told him to 'take the lead." She never figured that he would just get up and walk away from her. This was the turning point of their relationship, the fork in the road. She could continue sitting on the ground alone or she could go after him.

"Sai wait!" she shouted.

He paused but did not turn around.

Pushing herself up from the ground she ran to him.

"I give up," she said, "I'm tired of fighting you. I love you. I said it, see. I love you! So don't go walking away from me like that. Don't walk away from me."

"I already know," he whispered, "I just needed to hear it. I just need you to give up fighting me all the time."

"Just shut up," she said wrapping her arms around his neck kissing him.

He lifted her into his embrace continuing where they left off.

000

Ino opened her eyes and shook off the day dream memories. She had to get something done today. After making the bed up neatly to her standards she left the room to take on the rest of the housework.

Looking around at the living room she took a deep breath and busied herself cleaning up the mess. She had friends over earlier hanging out and drinking tea. She insisted that she would clean up; now she wished she took them up on their offer of help.

After cleaning everything up she decided to take a break. She didn't know how but she knew that her child was a girl; maybe she felt that way because all the time she spent with Miyako. As a part of her treatment she started to meditate. In those times she swore she could feel her baby's heartbeat.

So far they had no reason to believe that the gift Karin gave her was anything more than a toy. The teams that went to investigate Kusagakure had no leads so far. The mind investigation team had no luck breaking the jutsu or finding the source or caster.

The nightmares were still there still real and still torturing her. She fought it by balancing her stress-filled nights with peaceful days. Shielding herself from any negative influences she focused on taking care of herself. Being from the Yamanaka clan helped tremendously because she was able to focus on a mental cure of sorts to counteract the Nightmare jutsu. Of course her friends were a source of never-ending support.

Pouring her self into Shikamaru and Temari's party plans helped distract her. Along with party plans came orders for flowers which gave her time at the flower shop. It was fun to watch her friends and hear all the crazy stories overheard at Ichiraku Ramen Bar. Spending time with others who had a unique perspective on the village was refreshing.

It was only at night when she climbed in bed alone that she felt afraid, small and weak.

000