" I will talk to her." Nikita said and left to find Alex.
Nikita exited the room and went to find Alex. Her steps lead her to the training area. She stopped when she heard Alex talking to Tom. She didn't want to overhear their conversation but it might be useful. If Alex didn't want to talk to her about her problems then she might have to overhear her problems. She wanted so badly to understand what was going on. She wanted her Alex back. She was so scared about her and Alex kept pushing her away.
" FOCUS" Alex yelled and helped Tom to stand up and then walked away from him.
She sat down and took out the bottle with the pills. She twisted the cap and opened it. Her ankle was paining horribly. Tom looked at her in shock. He didn't think that he would ever see Alex on the edge.
" What Amanda told you this time?" Tom asked softly trying to understand why Alex was in so much emotional pain.
Alex sighed and closed the bottle. She put it down next to her.
" You need to work this out. You are distracted and it is dangerous." Alex said calmly changing the subject.
" I don't know how. She doesn't speak to me" Tom replied sadly.
" Can you speak to her?" Tom requested.
" Tom, Meredith thinks that we were sleeping together. I don't know how you created this mess, but I am the last person that Meredith wants to speak to right now. She probably wants to kick my ass, for something that I didn't do." Alex replied with pain in her voice.
" I didn't want to create this mess. I am sorry for endangering your relationship with Meredith. I wasn't thinking." Tom apologised and sat down on the mat opposite to Alex.
" As your friend, I don't have problem because I know that we will all work it out eventually, but as your boss I have a huge problem because we are supposed to look after each other's back and we can't do so if we are pissed off with each other. You are both out of the field until you work it out." Alex said firmly.
" I am sorry, Alex" Tom replied softly.
" How the hell did she end up to the false conclusion that we were having an affair?" Alex asked annoyed.
Tom opened his mouth to say something but he didn't have the time to do so because one of the doors opened and a furious Meredith entered the training area.
" You were supposed to be my friend, Alex" Meredith yelled hurt.
" I am not sleeping with Tom. I haven't slept with Tom and I am not planning to do so. So stop accusing me for something that I didn't do and tell me what the hell is wrong with you two!" Alex shouted back annoyed.
" You are a liar, Alex. A cheap whore who pretended to be my friend and it hurts to be betrayed by your best friend!" Meredith shouted out her frustation.
" MEREDITH" Tom yelled annoyed to stop her. He knew that she didn't mean any of this and she didn't want to hurt Alex, she was just hurt.
" Let her take out her anger. I am used to my friends calling me a whore." Alex said and stood up. She walked towards Meredith and stared at her.
" I have never slept with Tom. If I had, I would have told you a long time ago. But I haven't. I never betrayed your trust or your friendship like that and I don't plan to." Alex added firmly.
Meredith looked up at her with teary eyes. She knew that Alex was honest, Alex was always honest with her and she could feel her concern and her love. She had gone too far by calling her a whore and she knew it. She just needed to take out her frustation.
" Then, how does he know which side of the bed you prefer, how you place your body when you sleep, where he can touch you without scaring you?" Meredith asked defeated.
Alex sighed and looked at Tom.
" I can see why she thinks that we were sleeping together now" Alex commented.
" We were just chatting" Tom retorted.
" About my sleeping habits. It was a normal reaction." Alex said and looked back at Meredith.
" We haven't had sex, but we have slept on the same bed a lot of times." Alex said.
" Why?" Meredith asked calmly.
" It wasn't planned. When I first found him, he was in a bad shape and I took him home like I did for you. We were sharing the house for months. After awhile, I felt safe enough to sleep with him in the house. I usually let him sleep first and then I would sleep in another room." Alex started her story.
" It wasn't a good period for me. I didn't know how to react after everything that happened with Nikita. I was pretty much a mess but I could hold myself together pretty good until the day that Nikita shot me. My emotions started spinning out of my control. I was cleared from medical and I went home." Alex paused and looked at Tom.
" It was supposed to be an easy mission. She would have kidnapped the kid and then let Nikita rescued him. She knew that she would have to play along and fight Nikita, make her believe that she was with Amanda for real. When I saw her entering the house with bandages and plasters, I froze. I couldn't understand what had gone wrong. I thought of every possible scenario but I couldn't find an explanation. I didn't inflirtate in the mission because Nikita would have and we didn't want to create a scene with three different parties after a innocent kid. Alex saw my gaze and said Nikita. I was sure that I had misunderstood but she didn't speak for hours. After an eternity of silence, she left and went to her room." Tom said his part of the story.
" I don't know how I fell asleep, I think that I cried myself to the brick of exhaustion. For once again, I saw one of my nightmares about Nikita. When I woke up, I found Tom sleeping beside me slightly hugging me. I don't know how he ended up there." Alex continued.
" When Alex left, I went to bed, too. I tried to sleep but I had one nightmare so I decided to go and check up on Alex, make sure that she was sleeping and that she was ok at least physically. When I opened the door, I show her shaking and tears were running from her eyes. I went closer and I tried to wake her but I only caused her to shake more violently. After some minutes, I couldn't stand to see her in so much pain and climbed on the bed and hugged her from behind. After a while her struggling came to an end. She never told me what she saw in her nightmare." Tom said.
" For the next months, when someone's emotional state was unstable and a nightmare was certain to occur, we would sleep together trying to minimize the pain. I slept with him in the anniversary of his family death and in their birthdays, he would sleep with me after Amanda torturing or after seeing Nikita on the field and on the anniversary of me entering the human trafficking. Except from the fixed dates, we will share the same bed when for any reason someone needed to feel safe." Alex continued.
" We weren't sleeping together, we were just trying to fight the demons of our past and present. This is why he knows my sleeping habits." Alex finished and sighed defeated walking away from Meredith.
" I am sorry, Alex. I should have never doubted you. I was just hurt from even the possibility of your betrayal. I am sorry" Meredith said and walked hesitantly towards Alex.
" Don't worry. I know how it feels to be betrayed by your best friend. I understand. But I haven't betrayed you and I don't plan to." Alex replied and looked at Meredith.
Meredith closed the gap and hugged Alex.
" I love you and I am sorry" Meredith said and walked out of the room trying desperately to hold her tears back. She opened the door and exited. When she was out of the room, she froze seeing Nikita's teary face.
" How long have you been here?" Meredith asked in shock.
" Enough." Nikita replied honestly. There was no use in lying.
" Don't tell her that you overheard us, she will probably get mad. She doesn't want to speak about her feelings and especially how she felt about what happened between you two" Meredith adviced her and walked away. She knew that Alex loved Nikita more than everything and she didn't want to fight with Nikita. She could understand Nikita's need to overhear the conversation. Alex was acting strange around her and she kept pushing her away.
Nikita looked at Meredith surprised. She expected Meredith to kick her ass for overhearing a such a private conversation but Meredith show understanding. Nikita was brought out of her thoughts when Alex and Tom's conersation started again. This time, she lost control and silently entered the training area when she heard the word 'drugs'. She didn't want to let Alex take drugs. She stayed silent and looked at the two partners.
Alex had sitten back down and she had placed ice on her sprained ankle, Tom was pacing up and down before her. He stopped when Alex took the drugs in her hands.
" Are you going to tell me why you are so stressed up?" Tom asked annoyed.
" What did that crazy bitch say to you this time?" Tom shouted when Alex remained silent.
Alex looked up at him and shook her head in denial.
" Alex, I am worried. For how long do you think that you will be able to control yourself and not relapse if you keep everything inside you?" Tom asked softly. He was really worried about Alex.
" I am tired, Tom. I don't know what to do anymore. Everytime than I take control of a part of my life, another slips away. I found you and I lost Nikita. I made peace with Nikita and I lost Sean. I found Sean and Amanda messed up with my brain. I fought Amanda's fucking cranio needle and I lost Nikita and Sean and everyone else. I found you all and Julian showed up and I lost Nikita, again. I am just tired." Alex confessed defeated.
" You lost them because you want to protect them, you don't want your nightmares to become a reality. But when is it going to end, Alex? You can't hurt yourself trying to protect everyone" Tom said softly.
" It never ends, Tom. It never ends. Eventually everyone I care about gets hurt." Alex replied and stood up walking away from Tom.
" Who is going to be next, Tom? You? Meredith?" Alex said hurt and twitsed the cap of the bottle.
" We aren't going anywhere, Alex." Tom replied and walked towards her.
" It is harder than before to resist" Alex whispered and stared at the pills.
Tom stared at her not knowing what to say. Nikita had heard enough. It was time for her to step up.
" You promised that you will take good care of her. I don't see how Alex holding drugs is a good care." Nikita shouted angrily to Tom.
Alex and Tom looked up at Nikita. Alex's eyes filled with tears understanding from Nikita's gaze that she had heard enough.
" She is going to kill me." Tom whispered in Alex's ears afraid.
Alex gestured to Tom to leave from the other door and Tom obeyed not wanting to spend a minute in the same room with a furious Nikita.
" How much have you overheard?" Alex asked calmly and closed the bottle hiding it back in her pocket.
" Are you using again?" Nikita asked back with pain in her voice and walked towards Alex stopping inches away from her.