Disclaimer: I'm just playing with Suzanne Collins' characters and her world. They're hers. Not mine.
Worrying
Gale ran his finger over the downy hair, little wrinkled nose, tiny lips of the baby sleeping in his arms.
He'd held his brothers and sister when they'd been newborns, changed their diapers, and fed them when they were older. He was no stranger to the little coos and hiccoughs babies made.
This was different though.
This was hisbaby. He and Madge's son.
Gale was scared beyond belief of what that meant.
When Madge had told him she was pregnant he'd been terrified.
He'd already confessed to her that he was scared of losing her, that he knew he was walking a fine line, was due a tragedy. He was a monster that had gotten too lucky so far, had too much.
Madge had glowed though, burned brighter than the sun in the middle of the summer.
So he'd doted on her, refused to leave the District for even a minute throughout the entire pregnancy, had Vick go with him to the library and look up everything he'd never known about pregnancy and more, just so he would be prepared for anything. Worry ate him up.
"Gale, women have babies everyday," his mother had told him.
"But Madge doesn't."
And Madge was the one that mattered.
Of course, he somehow hadn'tbeen prepared for everything.
The baby had gone past its due date, gotten too big, something Gale didn't even know was possible. Babies came early in the Seam, were born far too small and too weak due to lack of nutrition, but never late, never too big. He hadn't even read about it happening in those stupid library books, it had seemed such a distant possibility.
It was a wholly foreign concept.
The skinny, redheaded doctor from District Ten had explained something about a pelvic disproportion, that they'd need to do a Caesarean Section, cut the baby out.
"Don't worry your handsome head, there, sugar," she'd grinned. "We did this back home often enough on the cows."
Though from what that lunatic Crazy-Jo Loon told him, 'back home' they'd rarely tried to save the cow.
"But Madge is hardly a cow, General Hotness."
That really hadn't calmed his nerves.
It had gone as well as could've been expected. They didn't do the surgery all that often, so a few times Gale had been a little anxious watching them preparing. He'd snapped at a scrub tech for dropping something and interrogated the anesthesiologist before he'd even let her near his wife.
"Perhaps you need some benzo," she'd said, tilting her head. "You're a little…tense."
Gale glared at her. They were about to gut his wife like a fish, of course he was tense.
Madge came through beautifully, she was a consummate survivor, though she'd been annoyed she had to stay in the bed for several hours. She was even more annoyed when Gale kept insisting she take pain medication.
"I'm fine, really."
"I know you don't like the stuff, but if you're in-"
"Gale, I am fine." Madge held out her hands, "Give me my baby." Her face lit up when Gale placed him in her arms, "Look at all his hair."
The baby yawned, stretched inside his swaddling, opened his eyes a fraction to look at the strange giants fawning over him.
They'd counted his wrinkled pink fingers and toes a hundred times, watched him to make sure he was still breathing constantly, had been just a tad critical of the poor girl who'd come in to weigh him and put his diaper on looser than Gale would've liked.
He was perfect and innocent, and Gale thought sadly, he had no idea what kind of monster his father was. Not yet anyway.
"He's so handsome," Madge kissed the baby's head, tapped his nose. "You look just like your daddy."
Gale got up, went to the window and looked out at the quickly sinking sun.
Madge called to him from the bed, "Gale? What's wrong?"
There was a little tremor in her voice, a hitch. It had been a long day, she didn't need more of his worries on her already burdened back.
"Gale." Her hand was out, beckoning him to the bed.
A little reluctantly, she'd get it out of him if he went over and looked into her eyes, he went to the bed and let her pull him down beside her.
"He's going to hate me."
How could he not?
Madge laced their fingers, pressed her palm to his before bringing his hand to her lips and kissing it. She pressed it to her cheek, warm and soft, "He's going to adore you."
Gale looked down at the sleeping baby.
When he got in school he was going to read about all the awful things Gale had done, all the deaths he'd caused, and he was going to see his father for the monster he was.
And Gale will deserve it.
Madge took his chin between her fingers, made him look her in her eyes.
"Gale, listen to me." She pressed a kiss to his mouth, pulled back and bit her lip. "He isn't going to care about all that. You have to believe me."
Gale didn't respond, just nodded, not really believing her.
"Do you think I hated my father?" Her mouth turned down.
He wasn't sure how his act of evil could be compared to a man who had his hands tied by a corrupt government.
"What are you talking about?"
Madge's mouth twitched up in a sad smile, "Do you know all the horrible things I heard about my father, my mother even, all my life?" She swallowed thickly, "Kids, adults, they would say the most awful things to me. So many things about him…"
"Some of them were true, you know? He didn't have any real power, he tried to make things better in the District, but he had to do some really horrible things. It was the only way to protect the majority, to make small sacrifices."
Gale shook his head, "Your dad was-he didn't choose to do the things he did, Madge. I did."
"Didn't he?" Her voice rose a little. Gale could hear the tremble. "He chose to go into the civil services. He chose to align himself withthem. He thought he was doing the best thing with the resources available to him too, Gale. Just like you thought you were doing the most good with what you had." She cradled the baby a little closer, "I had my rose colored glasses knocked off and stomped to pieces when I was very little as far as my parents, as far as my father was concerned. I saw him for what he was. A puppet. A good-hearted, but powerless puppet."
And Gale had been too.
He'd been used by the Rebels, had his anger exploited to create something evil, just as the Capitol had exploited the Mayor's desire to save as many people as possible to create a docile District.
"I could never hate my father, no matter what he did, because I saw the good he meant to do."
Even if he hadn't succeeded.
"You meant to do good too, Gale," Madge's eyes shone.
He wasn't so sure, but her faith in him, in the belief that he hadn't been as evil as he knew himself to have been, made him think that maybe, someday, he would believe it himself.
Gale took a ragged breath, let it out slowly, then smiled.
"I just-I don't know, worry." He wouldn't be able to take it, if the baby, his son, hated him.
"Well," Madge grinned, "you know what they say about worrying in District Ten, don't you?"
Gale's eyebrows knitted together. He rarely liked anything those wheat-fed prairie bastards had to say.
"Worrying is like ropin' the wind," she linked her arm in his again. "You can do it all day, but it won't do a thing."
It was a pointless endeavor.
That was…actually one of their less bizarre bits of wisdom. He would never admit that though.
"I'll be sure to thank Loony for instilling you with so much down-home wisdom next time we see her."
Which he hoped was not until the baby was old enough to get married. She'd threatened to have snake skin boots and a Stetson made for him. Gale wasn't sure if she was serious, but it was best to be safe.
Madge snorted, sat the baby on the bed and smiled.
"He really does look like you."
Gale shook his head, "Nope, look at his nose. All you."
"Oh don't say that," her hand jumped to her own nose, covered it.
"You have a very cute nose," Gale kissed the tip of it.
Madge made a gagging noise and Gale laughed, waking the baby.
Gale picked him up, began rocking him gently, and he quieted.
They had a son, whether Gale was ready or not, whether Gale worried all day and night that he'd hate him, they had a son. He ran his finger over the soft hair, little nose and lips of the baby sleeping in his arms again. He was perfect, and Gale would spend the rest of his life earning his love and making Madge's faith in him something he could believe himself.
He sighed, "We have son."
Madge kissed his jaw then let her cheek rest on his shoulder.
"We sure do."