Evening My Lovelies

I'm SOOOOOOOOO SOOOOOO SORRY there was no update last night! I pretty much collapsed as soon as I got back from work and didn't wake until like 4am and at that time in the morning I really wasn't feeling up to writing.

Hopefully this chapter makes up for the wait :) I'm quite proud of how it turned out so I'm really hoping you like it :)

Notes On Reviews:

Deana: Thanks for the review - What can I say, I like to keep you all on your toes :) Enjoy the new chapter! x

criminally charmed: Thanks for the review - Hmmm your idea is an interesting one... Something bad kinda happens today though I'm thinking it's probably not as bad as you were hoping for... Worry not though there's still whumpage on the way :D Enjoy the new chapter! x

romirola: Thanks for the review - :) glad you're enjoying all the whumpage so far, I'm thoroughly enjoying writing it so it's good to know people are enjoying reading it. Savoy's coming back into play today which was fun :D Enjoy the new chapter! x

Debbie (Guest): Thanks for the review - I'm quite tempted to have Moreau explode and go on a bit of a rant pretty soon, is that something you'd like to see? I feel he's kinda due one what with all the boys have put him through. As for the head injury I'm going to go with that they didn't know that back them (aka I'm too lazy to research it lol) Enjoy the new chapter! x

watlocked: Thanks for the review - Ah you love it and you know it :D I'm LOVING the idea of Porthos's 'Therapy Session' This HAS to happen! he's in desperate need of some stress relief right now the poor man. Enjoy the new chapter! x

f1gymnast: Thanks for the review - Hmm interesting idea, we'll have to wait and see, I've got a little evil moment planned before anything like that can happen first though. Couldn't resist the brotherly moments, especially ones between Athos/Porthos as they seem to be fairly rare (at least in my stories anyways). Enjoy the new chapter! x

AllForOne (Guest): Thanks for the review - I think Porthos wants to hit something(one) regardless right now. Glad you were starting your day off on a light note lol :D Enjoy the new chapter! x

Issai: Thanks for the review - We get to see a bit more of worried Porthos today (and the other boys of course) though as to how he's healing that'll be more tomorrow... got something slightly evil to do to him first mwhaha :D Glad you liked the brotherly moment, it's kinda rare that I do one with Athos&Porthos so that was fun to write :) Enjoy the new chapter! x

Lilac Lavender: Thanks for the review - I'm pretty much going "what haven't I done yet and how can I work it in" lol, I'm glad your enjoying it though :) We're getting a bit more of distressed Aramis today... I may have had an evil moment mwhaha :D I figured, seeing as how Athos is the 'leader' of their trio(now quartet) that he would be able to snap Aramis out of it as Porthos was a bit preoccupied with panicking (which he's doing some more of today) Aramis being in such a state has them all a bit clingy hence the brotherly contact moment. I really enjoyed writing that bit as I don't often do Athos/Porthos moments. Hmm as for Aramis's memory I like the idea but you'll have to wait until tomorrow to see exactly what I have in mind but god was it hard to decide! Viv will probably be making an appearance again in tomorrows chapter as well which should be fun. Enjoy the new chapter! x

MicheeO: Thanks for the reviews - Wow your reviews are getting later and later, hope you're okay :) (chapter50) Yes, Yes I did, he's too cute when he's being whumped :D (chapter51) Mwhaha :D I know but it leads to cute moments so I feel I should be let off slightly for that :D (chapter52) Haha yeah it probably does... if it doesn't it's damn near the top. (chapter53) But embarrassed D'Art is sooooo cute! For some reason I keep picturing him as a little kid when he does it which just makes it all the cuter (chapter54) Bwahahaha that's a brilliant comment and I'm totally stealing that for tomorrows chapter :D Enjoy the new chapter! x

Again I'm really sorry about the delay *gives everyone cake*

As always much love and many thanks for following/favouriting/reviewing/reading. Love you guys!

Enjoy!

xxx

Chapter Fifty-Five: Memories

It was cold… that was the first thing that registered in his mind as he slowly opened his eyes.

The cold never really bothered him before but now… now the cold terrified him.

For a moment he was alone with only the cold and early winter frost for company but that eerie silence was quickly shattered by the all too familiar caw of crows and other carrion birds.

"No…" he whispered brokenly, his whole form shaking violently as he somehow made it to his feet, his eyes wide and full of panic and fear as he took in his surroundings.

All around him were clear signs of battle… of a massacre. Bodies lined the ground, people he had broken bread and laughed with only the day before now lay dead and bloody at his feet.

"No," he whispered again, his breath hitching as panic began to overwhelm him, memories of the attack that had taken so many of his brethren assaulting his mind, causing him to cry out in pain and fall to his knees

Despite being asleep Porthos reacted instantly to Aramis's small cry, within seconds the larger man was running his hand through the sleeping man's hair and whispering soothing words into his ears in a desperate attempt to ease him from his nightmare and back into to peaceful sleep his body so desperately needed.

"Aramis," called a hollow voice as its owner stood before the curled up medic waiting for recognition.

It took a few moments but eventually Aramis lifted his head to look at the man calling him. His eyes went wide at the sight before him; the man was deathly pale with glazed unseeing eyes and copious amounts of blood trailing from the large slash across his neck.

"Luca," Aramis choked, his eyes full of pain as he looked at the man before him. The man had been in his early twenties when they left for Savoy and had greatly enjoyed telling anyone who would listen to him about his 'stunningly beautiful' wife and new babe the entire way there. Luca had been assigned one of the watches the night they were attacked and judging by the location of his wound, had been on that watch when the massacre began.

"It's been some time Aramis," smiled Luca as he knelt in front of the terrified musketeer.

"Y-You died!"

"Why?" Luca asked, seemingly ignoring Aramis's panicked and pained exclamation. Gone was his earlier smile as he leveled the medic with a cold unseeing glare.

Aramis's eyes went wide at the change, "Wha-What do you mean?"

With a strength lacking from his living days Luca grabbed Aramis by the collar, pulling his roughly to his feet. "Why?" he growled, "Why did you get to live while we perished?"

Tears welled up in Aramis's pain filled eyes, "I… I tried… I tried to save you!"

"Liar!" spat a new voice and Aramis felt a chill go through him that had nothing to do with the cold wind. Still in Luca's grip he could do nothing but watch as the owner of the new voice strode forward.

"Jean," he breathed, taking in the man before him. Unlike Luca, whose death had most likely been quick and relatively painless, Jean was sporting a large musket wound to his stomach… A wound that would have caused the man a long and excruciatingly painful death.

Ignoring the look on the marksman's face Jean approached so he was standing next to Luca, "If you really tried then why are we dead?" he spat, watching as guilt warred with pain in the medic's eyes.

"I…I"

"Face it Aramis," spat a new voice, "You failed us!" At his words Aramis could only watch with growing guilt, pain and horror as all twenty of his dead comrades rose from their spots on the ground, looking as dead as they were moments earlier, before moving to trap the panicking medic in a circle, each throwing insults and accusations his way until it became too much and the fragile walls he had tried to build in his mind gave way and a slew of tears poured from his eyes.

"…I'm sorry," he sobbed, his head hung so his eyes looked at the ground, "I'm sorry… I'm sorry."

"Sorry doesn't bring us back Aramis," snarled Jean as he took a step out of the circle and closer to the sobbing man.

"I… I know," whispered Aramis, barely able to meet the glare sent his way before guilt and shame force him to lower his eyes once again. "… But it's all I have."

"Maybe," sneered Luca who came to stand next to Jean, "You should know our pain… how it felt to die then you would truly understand how meaningless your apologies are."

Porthos watched with growing worry as Aramis's nightmare continued to torment him and grow in strength, nothing the larger man had done to ease it was working and he was now seriously considering waking him up.

"Maybe we should wake him," suggested Athos quietly, his eyes never leaving the lightly thrashing medic. He understood Porthos's hesitance to wake up their friend, Aramis had been through a great trauma and needed all the rest he could get if his body and mind were to recover, but the idea of leaving their brother to fight the shadows of his mind while they could do nothing but watch was not something that sat well with any of them.

As it turned out, their discussion was unneeded as moments later Aramis shot up with a shout, his eyes wide with pain and fear as tears streamed down his face and his chest heaved as he tried to breathe.

"Easy 'Mis," exclaimed Porthos, immediately drawing the terrified man into a tight embrace, letting him use the warmth of his skin and the beating of his heart to ground himself. "I've got you 'Mis," he added softly, cupping the back of the medic's head to bring him in closer as he shared a worried look over to Athos and D'Artagnan as he felt the violent tremors shaking Aramis's frame.

"They're right," sobbed Aramis, quiet enough so only Porthos could hear him, his voice slightly hoarse from coughing up all the river water earlier. "It's all my fault … I should have tried harder to save them."

Porthos felt his grip on his friend tighten at his words, instantly understanding what the nightmare had been about.

"It was just a dream, you did all you could, they know that," soothed the larger musketeer before letting his friend recover in silence for a few moments.

It took several minutes for the shaking to stop and a few minutes more for the tears to dry up but eventually Porthos felt his brother had recovered himself enough that he pulled back slightly from their embrace.

"It was just a dream," he reiterated, using his thumb to wipe away the stray tears still staining the medic's cheeks.

"Just a dream," nodded Aramis quietly, chanting it a few times in an effort to convince himself of the truth.

"You need more rest 'Mis," Porthos suggested softly, having noticed the trouble his friend was now having staying awake. "I know you don't want to but you're hurt and you need it."

Aramis's eyes filled with fear and Porthos felt his heart clench at the sight, "B-But…"

Running his hand once more through the sharpshooter's dark locks Porthos looked straight into his eyes so he could see the truth of the following words. "I swear I'll wake you up if they return but you need to at least try to rest."

Whether it was the promise or his exhausted body the musketeers didn't know but they each sighed in relief when they saw their friend's eyes close into sleep once again.

"…Shouldn't you have checked his memory like Doctor Moreau instructed?" enquired Athos with a sad yet knowing look in his eyes.

"I…" sighed Porthos, the look in his eyes telling Athos and D'Artagnan exactly why he hadn't asked the questions Moreau had given them strict instructions to do when Aramis woke.

He was afraid, like they all were, that their beloved brother would remember nothing of their years together after Savoy. It was easier to ignore the issue for now and give them a few hours longer of hope before they really needed to confront it.

"He'll be alright," stated Athos, mimicking his words from hours before and watching with relief as Porthos's shoulders lost some of their earlier tension.

"At least he'll remember you either way," came a mumbled, slightly bitter retort from D'Artagnan, who, judging by the way he instantly went beet red, had not intended to say that out loud.

"What do you mean?" asked Athos as he looked down at the younger man beside him with sad curiosity.

"It's just…" muttered D'Artagnan, clearly uncomfortable with being overheard and now having both musketeer's staring at him waiting for an explanation. "Aramis knew you both before Savoy so…"

"He'll know who we are even if his memory problem is permanent," finished Athos with a sad sigh, now understand why the Gascon had refused to speak up at any point when the medic was awake… He didn't want to know that his friend had absolutely no idea who he was.

"He'll be okay whelp," stated Porthos with a strained smile. "We'll wake 'in in a bit and you'll see. He'll be alright."

D'Artagnan said nothing, still slightly ashamed that he had been thinking and worrying about such things while his friend could possibly have lost years of memories and his other friends would have to live with the fact that the fiercely close bond the three of them had once shared would no longer be there.

"We should get some more rest," Athos instructed, "We have a couple of hours until we need to wake him up again, best we take all the rest we can."

The following morning saw a very nervous D'Artagnan sitting next to a, thankfully, peacefully sleeping Aramis. Both Porthos and Athos had left to get the marksman and themselves something to eat, with Porthos being forced to go as Athos stubbornly refused to sit still any longer and D'Artagnan didn't have enough of his usual strength back yet to help support him. The pair had noted the young man's nervousness when they instructed him to try and wake their sleeping friend and had tried to comfort him but even with the smile D'Artagnan plastered on his face they could tell they had failed to do so.

Come on, scolded D'Artagnan internally as he stared at his hand that was raised just above Aramis's shoulder. The doctor said he had to be woken every few hours and the others are trusting you with this.

Using that as motivation the Gascon placed his good hand on the sharpshooters shoulder, giving it a light shake as he quietly called his friend's name.

"Aramis," he called, wincing at the rawness still present in his throat. Both Athos and Porthos had been relentless in forcing him to drink the honeyed tea, which seemed to be the only thing helping him at the moment so the pain was a lot less then it had been days before but it was still raw and caused him some pain when he tried to talk, especially if it was for more than a few words.

Luckily for him Aramis woke fairly quickly, groaning lightly in pain as he did so.

"Oh!" blinked D'Artagnan, remembering the pain draught that Porthos had asked him to make sure Aramis drank, "Here Aramis, drink this it'll help with the pain."

Aramis blinked in confusion, his mind still heavy with sleep and pain but the promise of an ease to the agonizing pain currently assaulting his body was enough of a motivation for his body for it to move on its own to down the small vial, a small sigh escaping his lips as the medicine took effect.

"Ummm Aramis?" said D'Artagnan hesitantly; nerves blatantly clear in his voice as he watched Aramis's head turn in his direction.

The Gascon's heart felt like it was gripped in a vice as he noted the look of intense confusion on Aramis's pained face when he looked at him.

The confusion only intensified as Aramis raised a slightly shaking hand to lightly cup his cheek, the action making D'Artagnan's breath catch in his throat.

Tilting his head to the side as much as was possible given he was laying on the ground Aramis took a moment to form the words he wanted to say in his head, the pounding in his brain making it hard for him to think, before he opened his mouth, not realizing how nervous his hesitation had made his companion.

"Wha-" Aramis coughed lightly to clear his throat before trying again. "What's wrong?"

When D'Artagnan, who was too busy panicking at the still confused look on Aramis's face to respond, failed to reply to his question Aramis tapped his cheek lightly.

"…D'Art what's wrong?"