Chapter 40: Trepidation
Six weeks after their return, Katniss decides to pay a visit to the doctor. She is recovering well from her injury, but has been feeling sick and has noticed some changes in herself that she was not expecting. They are the same changes that had taken place when she had become pregnant with Primrose. Katniss didn't think Peeta had noticed yet as he had been distracted with the concerns about her safety, and also his return to the bakery after another absence.
Katniss gathers her thoughts as the doctor calls her in.
"Katniss" he says. "What can I do for you today?" He is quite cheerful and doesn't seem perturbed at all with the problems his patients must bring to him on a daily basis.
Katniss begins. "Uh…I have noticed some changes in myself which I remember happening at the time I had my first baby. I think I might be pregnant again" says Katniss.
"Well, let's take a look at you" he says.
Katniss strips from the waist down while the doctor asks her about the symptoms. She tells him about her nausea, breast enlargement and lack of a monthly cycle. Plus her belly is beginning to swell again.
After examining her he says:
"Well, you are right Katniss. According to my calculations, you are about three months along".
Katniss is having trouble accepting what the doctor has just confirmed for her. When did this happen? If she is three months along already, then she must have fallen pregnant before she was captured by Snow's men. She tries to think back to the weeks preceding that event. But something else is tugging at her mind. Oh no! How will her illness and all the medication have affected the baby?
She tells the doctor. "I spent some time in the hospital very early in my pregnancy. Before I knew about the baby. I had a terrible infection and they treated me with all kinds of drugs" Katniss tells him.
The doctor looks concerned.
"Do you know what kind of drugs?" he asks her.
"I think they were strong antibiotics, plus they sedated me for several days as well because I was hallucinating". Katniss suddenly remembers how Peeta had told her she was talking about a baby when she was delirious. How could she possibly have known?
"I think we will need to keep a very close eye on you during this pregnancy, Katniss. Sometimes these drugs can affect unborn children and, I am sorry to say, we won't know if that's the case until the baby is born". He didn't want to tell her she could also lose the baby if the drugs had impacted severely on it while it was still developing in the womb.
Katniss leaves the doctor's surgery in shock. First of all, she wasn't prepared for the doctor's confirmation of her pregnancy and secondly, the drugs that saved her life may have harmed their unborn child. What was she going to tell Peeta?
Katniss decides to go to the bakery on her way home just to see Peeta. She doesn't want to tell him yet, she just wants to see him. His presence is always so reassuring.
"Katniss!" he says with surprise when he sees her. He wasn't expecting a visit from her today.
"Peeta" she manages before she goes around the counter to give him a big hug. She holds him tightly and Peeta senses there is something more to her visit as she reluctantly lets him go.
"What's brought you to the bakery?" he asks.
"I just wanted to see you" says Katniss.
"It's always a pleasure to see you" Peeta tells Katniss with a smile. His beautiful, brilliant smile.
"Haymitch is minding Prim for me, so I thought I would come up and see if you needed any help" she says.
"Sure!" Peeta tells her. He knows that is not the reason for Katniss' visit, but he plays along with her as she obviously does not want to talk about it here.
"What can I do?" she asks.
"Well, you could help to serve some of the customers while I go out the back to the ovens if you like".
Katniss agrees. She needs something to take her mind off the news and she needs to be close to Peeta right now. She calls Haymitch just to let him know she has been delayed and he tells her Prim is sleeping. That means Katniss can stay for a while, and she busies herself with orders in the store. She can't deal with the news around her pregnancy right now and wants to make sure Peeta knows she is there for him, too. They are going to need eachother more than ever when she tells him.
Gale is still on duty in District 12 waiting for Paylor to call him back to the Capitol for discussions about Snow and his escape. She has been putting him off, claiming delays around bringing certain people together before they decide their next move. Gale doesn't want to wait much longer. He, and his friends, have kept the incident with Katniss and Snow under wraps, but until Snow is caught, Katniss' safety is still an issue. As much as District 12 has been provided with reinforcements again, Snow and his men are devious. The longer they are left to their own devices, the worse it will be for Katniss.
Gale decides to call down to the bakery and see Peeta. He knows Peeta is worried, too, and that no one can keep Katniss wrapped up in cotton wool forever. She is too stubborn and too feisty for that. They have both tried in the past, but Katniss nature just won't allow her to remain still for long. Gale knows that stillness is what is required now. The stillness of the hunter as he waits and watches for his prey. That is how Katniss was caught the last time. She became the hunted instead of the hunter. Gale thinks this might be a way to explain to Katniss what is needed right now. An analogy she can understand. She understands hunting. It's in her blood.
Gale is surprised to see Katniss working behind the counter in the bakery when he gets there. She doesn't normally help out in the store, but maybe it is her attempt to keep her mind off things at the moment. After all, this was the time she and Peeta were supposed to have been married, back from their honeymoon and living "happily ever after". Things just never seemed to go to plan for these two and yet Gale had accepted that they were meant to be together. He was not just the protector of Katniss anymore, he was the protector of her relationship with Peeta as well. He didn't know how that made him feel. Grateful, that Katniss had allowed him back into her life, and annoyed at times, too. He had also had something special with Katniss. Just having her back in his life was something he knew he could never take for granted, though, so he puts a stop to his thoughts of self-pity and walks into the store.
"Katniss" Gale greets her. "What are you doing here?"
"Just helping Peeta out for a little while. I had some time on my hands as Haymitch is minding Prim for me and she is sleeping now".
"Might be just what you need. Something to take your mind off everything else" says Gale.
If only Gale knew what that "everything else" was, thinks Katniss. If only Peeta knew. She will have to tell him tonight. He needs to know.
Katniss chats to Gale about all the things that aren't on her mind and gives him some free buns to bring back to the Barracks. It's the least she can do. They will have to catch up soon, her, Peeta and Gale, so they can get an update on the situation with Snow. It's the last thing she wants to think about, though. Now that she knows about the baby.