Disclaimer: I don't own Dan or Phil. I also don't own any other YouTubers you may see in this story (such as KickThePj [PJ Liguori],crabstickz (Chris Kendall) sparkleofglitter [Louise Pentland], etc.), any real life references you may see, social media (Primarily YouTube, but also Twitter, Facebook, Tumblr, etc.), music/song references, as well as artists/bands (such as Muse, MCR, etc.), and whatever you recognize. I am not creative enough to own that stuff :P I do own my wonderful OC, Abigail Elizabeth Woods, who I think is creative...?

Chapter 9: And Smile Even Though You're Sad

It had been two weeks since Abi's birthday, and things were going downhill.

Dan and Phil had told their subscribers they were moving to a new house in London, and most of them - to Abi's disappointment - were quite excited. The Phan shippers were certainly buzzing about it - "Omigod Phan is real they're moving in together icantevenhalpmeyoutubesenpais!" - and it seemed as if everyone but Abi were happy about the next step the two British boys were about to take.

But as Dan is doing a live show and Abi slips into her room, throwing her earbuds on to listen to Dan's show, she can't help but sneak a peek at the chat and read a few of the comments in the "shitstorm" happening off the live show.

Emily Saran

"Um, not to be invasive, but how about your roomie? Is she coming along?"

Phan4Eva

"+Emily Saran I honestly don't care if she is coming alone. More Phan proof, am I right?"

Dilcakes39

"+Phan4Eva i think you are absolutely right dan and phil deserve better than some girl who is too much of a pussy to show her face to the camera.

Gels0_-

"+Dilcakes39 i think u r wrong. roomie, to me, is an intriguing mystery. if she would prefer to stay secret, i think we should respect that. i would rather see what Dan has to say about it. is your roommate coming along? and why are your eyes so puffy? i dunno i just noticed.

3.14159265359

"+Gels0_- omigod i can see what you're saying.. dan have you been crying? is it because of roomie leaving? is she leaving?

phangirlinginacorner

"WTF WHAT THE HELL IS HAPPENING?! I SO CONFUSED. "

endtheroomie

"OMIGOD DAN I LUV U SO MUCH PLS MARRY ME ASAP I DONT CARE ABOUT PHIL OR YOUR STUPID ROOMIE I JUST WANT TO LIVE WITH YOU I WANNA BE YOUR ROOMIE BECAUSE ID PROBABLY BE BETTER THAN THE ROOMIE TODAY PLS TELL ME WHERE U LIVE OR I WILL DO IT MASELF LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL"

Abi watches as Dan looks down, as if scrolling through the screen. He then smiles awkwardly.

"Are my eyes puffy?" Dan chuckled, biting his knuckle nervously. "I-I honestly didn't notice. I think I may be coming down with something, t-b-h." he says, biting his lip as he pronounces each letter loudly.

People are shouting in the comments; "Liar! What a liar." explodes on the chat. "He's crying. Did Phil break his heart?" says another one. "But...how about roomie?"

"Um, roomie has found her own flat." Dan states flatly. "It was the best three-or-so years of our lives, living together, but sometimes, things just don't go to plan..."

He trails off here, looking away from the camera. Abi knows nobody knows where or what he was looking at, but she did; he was looking in the direction of her room, and not anywhere else. She knows that he was trying not to make it too obvious, but it wasn't.

He shakes his head, and blinks. "Sorry, I was feeling a little nostalgic there, haven't I? I do that all the time, honestly." Abi watches as he smoothly runs into another subkectm Speaking of which, do you guys ever flashback to your past? For me, it is pretty common. Actually, the day before, I was -"

Abi closes her laptop right away, tears streaming down her face. She doesn't want to watch the live show anymore, so, instead, she cries into her pillow for who knows how long. She continues this until she hears the door to their flat close, and the door to her room open.

She looks over to the door and sees Phil, standing at the doorway, with Striker in his arms.

"Hey guys." she mumbles. Phil tries his best to smile, and Striker just trots into the room, letting Abi pick him up. He squeaks a little, and Abi smiles, wiping the tears from her eyes. Striker licks her face, and Phil crawls onto Abi's bed.

"You watched the live show?" Phil knows she did, but the statement is asked like a question.

Abi nods silently. "I did. The people were crazy, huh?"

"Did you see the house?" Phil whispers, and Abi nods.

"Yeah, Dan sent me some pictures. I..." She trails off, and Phil seems as if he was reading her mind.

"You didn't want to go see it for real?"

"No, not really." Abi finally caves in, and Phil rubs her shoulder.

"I honestly don't know what to say, you know?" Phil says after a while. "I mean, I always try to help you and Dan, but it seems as if you guys are missing me as well. As much as I love you and your decisions, Abi, I just...I feel like you're running away from your problems."

"What do you mean?" she asks nervously. "I-I'm not running away from anything. Not physically, not mentally, I'm just simply moving on, in a way that requires no running whatsoever, if you know what I mean, which I know you know what I mean, wow did I say 'know' too many times, didn't I -"

Phil cocks an eyebrow at Abi, who then buries her face into her hands.

"Okay, I'll admit, I am a bit anxious." she says quietly.

"And you admit it, I'm right." Phil says. "I hate to see you run again. You're always running, and I don't understand why you run."

"I don't run from things, Phil," Abi snaps. "I just...avoid it."

"By what," Phil's voice begins to rise. "procrastinating when you should be solving your problem, until it comes back again? Why are you so hellbent on leaving us, Abi? I don't understand, I want to understand!"

"Look, Phil," Abi cuts him off with a sob. "I've been running away all my life from the things I can't handle. I ran away when my dad..."

Abi can't finish. Phil sighs.

"What ever happened to your dad, anyway, Abi?" Phil asks quietly. "I know you hate to talk about it, but I think I can help you -"

"You can't help me!" Abi screams, shooting up. "I'm fucking broken, so I'm moving out! Now you can either help me pack my stuff, or leave!"

Striker whimpers, hopping off the bed and running off. Tears stream down Abi's face, and Phil backs away slowly, before silently walking out of the room and closing the door behind him. Abi just sighs, flopping back down on the bed in tears once again.

Apparently, Dan had left to arrange the final details with the people selling him the house. He had sent Abi photos, but Abi had deleted every single one. She got a phone call later on, and she realized it was from the landlord who was helping her with her new flat.

It was a nice flat, Abi will say the least. It was a one bedroom flat, with a kitchen, a lounge, two bathrooms and a small room, where she'd probably set up as an office. It reminded Abi so much of their flat at the moment, which was mainly why she bought it. It was at a surprisingly good price as well - she believed she got lucky.

The door opens, cutting her phone call short. She hangs up, and sees that it's Dan, who walks in with a hoodie on his face.

"Where'd you go?" Abi asks quietly, holding a mug of coffee. Dan just shrugs.

"I went to the house." He says the last word with so much venom, it hurts Abi like a sting to the heart. Dan heads to his room, and Abi follows, trying not to burst in flames, or break down in tears in front of him.

"Stop following me." Dan mutters.

"We need to talk, Dan, I'm worried about you." she says back. "I watched your live show, but then you sent me pictures of the house as if nothing happened. I just want to know how you feel about all of this, Dan, I just -"

"I feel nothing, Abi!" Dan yells at her, surprising her. He continues his rant.

"I feel nothing! I feel empty! Here I was, thinking that this, all of this, was good enough, and I fucking loved you. I thought that was good enough for you, but it isn't, and I swear to all heavens above, I just want you to tell me why?! Why are you leaving me, Abi?!"

"I'm leaving because I feel the same way, Dan!" Abi's words are tumbling out of her mouth faster than she can speak. "I'm leaving because I am just...infecting you with who I am! I am poison, Dan, someone you should've never picked up in the first place!"

"Take it back!" Dan yells, tearing up as he stumbles onto his piano. He banged against the keys, nearly breaking another one. "Please, take it back."

"I can't because it's true!" Abi cries.

They sit in silence before Abi can't even look at Dan anymore.

"Let me go, Dan." she whispers now. "I...I'm just another phangirl, who got a lucky break."

Abi smile sadly at the floor. "There were so many people there, Dan, in the underground on that December night. I saw a girl take a picture, and I saw people whispering 'danisnotonfire', and people squealing. I wasn't the only fan, I just happened to be someone you pitied."

"I never pitied you, Abi." Dan says quietly. "I told Phil this, and I'll tell you; I thought you were a game changer."

Abi can't find words anymore, so she decides to stand up.

"Leave, Dan," - She can't even muster the courage to say this without tears. "or -"

She breaks down in tears, and Dan can't even handle it anymore. He doesn't want Abi to finish - he doesn't want what they have to end.

So he does what she asks; he leaves.

He goes to his room, gets a bag, packs his charger and laptop, and a few pounds. He is out the door, hastily giving Phil the words of "I'll just be out for the night," and "I am going to check on the house, I will be back tomorrow morning."

But he wasn't.

Phil texted him, but he never came back. Abi had started packing, placing boxes on the side of her naked bedroom wall. There were no longer any polaroids of Dan and Phil and herself, but there were just empty, white walls.

Phil had started packing as well, walls now lined with cardboard boxes filled with their stuff. But Dan's room had just remained untouched, as if no one had even stepped in there in the longest while.

Phil asked their friends, family, even their neighbours, if they had seen Dan.

But Dan...he was just gone.

It had been three days. Phil was pacing the lounge, questioning silently to himself if he should call the police, or if he should just go look for him on his own. He had a vague recollection of what Abi and Dan had exchanged three nights ago, but all he knew was that they were screaming and it had just...stopped.

"Abi!" Phil yells, making his decision. "I'm going out to find Dan."

He keeps it short and blunt. Striker whines, as if he knew this was a bad idea, but Phil just shakes his head, kneeling down to rub his fur.

"I know, buddy, but I have to." Phil says quietly.

The reaction was something Abi wasn't quite expecting. He didn't know if this was a selfish move on her, or just a peace treaty. But when he saw her, with her bedhead and her puffy eyes, he couldn't help but feel something would happen. Something that would change everything.

"Phil?" Abi whimpers quietly. "Can...can you please sit down with me? I want to talk about my dad."

Reviews would be awesome *hand heart*