Chapter 41: Divulgent
Katniss stays in the store for an hour or so and then tells Peeta she needs to head back and collect Prim. He kisses her as she leaves and she hugs him again. She hopes he will understand.
Prim is awake when Katniss arrives and Haymitch offers her a cup of tea. She agrees and decides to chat with him for a few minutes. Katniss needs the company. Anything to take her mind off what she needs to tell Peeta later.
"Well, how are you doing Katniss?" asks Haymitch. He can see she looks a bit distracted and wonders what's on her mind.
"I'm pregnant" she says, not thinking about why she is telling Haymitch first.
"Congratulations!" he replies, looking like the enthusiastic Uncle of the Year.
At the same time, Katniss does not look to him like she is celebrating. Haymitch knows there is more to this than she is telling him and asks her to tell him what else is on her mind.
"Haymitch, I was pregnant when Snow captured me and when they gave me all that medication in the hospital. It might have hurt the baby". Katniss begins to get emotional. "How am I going to tell Peeta?"
Haymitch knows why Katniss is telling him first. He had been there when Peeta had been given the news of Katniss' capture. He had seen his reaction, first of anger, then of grief. In the beginning, Peeta hadn't been angry at the captors. He had been angry at Katniss. Somehow, Katniss had sensed Peeta's underlying anger at her. The anger that rested on the foolish decision she made that day and which had left Peeta helpless once again. Her actions were not enough to make Peeta stop loving her, but enough to make Katniss feel uncertain about telling him the news now.
"Peeta loves you, Katniss. He loves Prim. He was angry when you were captured because he was afraid. Afraid of losing you and not being able to do anything about it. He felt helpless, Katniss. When people are helpless that makes them angry sometimes".
Katniss knows Haymitch is right. Peeta will always let her do what she thinks is right, but so often the consequences come back on him. Why did he even still love her?
"I know" she concedes. "But, if anything happens to this baby, Peeta is going to blame me" she says tearfully.
"No, Katniss. He won't blame you. He will blame the people responsible. Remember when I had to leave you as you headed to the Quarter Quell? Can you tell me what I said to you just before I left?" asks Haymitch.
"Yes" says Katnisss quietly. "You told me to remember who the real enemy is".
"That's what you need to do now. That's what Peeta needs to do. Remember who the real enemy is".
It was as clear as day, now that Haymitch had said it. The enemy was Snow. It was always Snow.
Katniss gives Haymitch a big hug.
"Thank you, Haymitch. You are right. Please don't tell Peeta I said anything".
He promises to keep the news to himself and leaves Katniss to ponder how she will tell Peeta.
In the evening, Peeta returns from the store and Katniss already has the dinner made. It smells good and Peeta tucks right in. There is turkey, Prim's favourite, with vegetables fresh from the garden. They enjoy the meal and Prim keeps them amused with her antics. She is learning to feed herself and a lot of the food ends up everywhere else except in her mouth. She uses her fingers to pick some of it up and Katniss decides Prim will need her bath before they can talk. She lets Peeta relax while she bathes Prim and prepares her for bed. When they are done Katniss brings Prim down the stairs to say goodnight to him. Peeta takes Prim in his arms and gives her a big hug and kiss. She repeats her favourite words, "dadadada", before waving good night and going to bed. Peeta can hear Katniss singing to her upstairs and feels so complete. They have a wonderful life…when they can forget about all the people who are still trying to destroy them.
When Katniss returns, Peeta knows she has something to tell him. Katniss had told Finnick at the last games that most people seemed to know her secrets before she knew them herself. Peeta was now in line to learn the latest of Katniss' secrets.
"I went to the doctor's today" Katniss says.
Peeta is concerned.
"Is something wrong?" he asks her.
"No, well, not really" she says.
Peeta hates it when Katniss won't just come out with it when he knows she has something to tell him.
"Why did you go to the doctor's, Katniss?"
"I'm pregnant again" says Katniss. There. It's out. What now?
"You're pregnant again?!" Peeta exclaims. He can't keep the smile off his face. "Oh, my God, Katniss, that's wonderful!" he says.
He takes Katniss in a big hug, squeezing her tight, and then puts his hand on her belly.
"How far along?" he asks her.
She is smiling now, too. Peeta's excitement has ignited her own and she so wants everything to be all right with this baby.
"Three months the doctor thinks" Katniss says.
"Three months? But we only got back six weeks ago" says Peeta, confused.
"I know. I was pregnant before that". Katniss doesn't want Peeta to do the calculations in his head right now. She just wants him to be happy for the both of them. "I think it happened when I got back from my trip to the Capitol with Effie. Remember the candlelit dinner in the bakery?"
Peeta remembers. He also remembers that it was after that Snow had captured her, and she had ended up in the hospital.
"What did the doctor say about the time you had to spend in the hospital? Did you tell him you got an infection and that they had to sedate you?" Peeta knew that the use of drugs during pregnancy could have serious implications for a baby.
"Yes" Katniss whispers.
"What did he say?" asks Peeta again.
"He said we won't know if any of that has affected the baby until it is born". Katniss hears her own words ripping a hole in both their hearts.
"We won't know until the baby is born?" questions Peeta.
"No. Peeta, I'm sorry. I didn't know. It was so early".
Peeta is taken from the highest heights to the deepest depths in an instant. The baby Katniss had talked about during her delirium was real. How did she know? More importantly, what were they going to do about it now? They had no idea of the baby's condition and wouldn't until the baby was born. Peeta was afraid. He was afraid for Katniss and he was afraid for the baby, too. He needed to reassure her. Part of him wanted to blame her for the rashness of her actions again, but Peeta knows that isn't fair. Katniss doesn't deserve that. She had been as unsuspecting going into the woods as any of them were at the time.
Peeta takes Katniss in his arms and she begins to cry. She keeps telling him that she is sorry and he tells her that it is not her fault. That it will be OK. They will get through this together. At the same time, Peeta knows that Katniss is no longer the only one who wants to assassinate Snow. He does, too. And, if he gets the chance, he will make sure Snow finally pays the price for the havoc he has wreaked on their family.