" You knew? You knew about what Amanda did to Alex in Ossetia and you didn't tell me? You knew and you kept it away from me? I trusted you, nerd and you kept a secret like that from me? I trusted you." Nikita yelled frustated.
She couldn't believe that Birkoff had kept something so important away from her. What was he thinking? Alex was afraid of her touch, she was acting weird, pushing everyone away and Birkoff knew why and he didn't tell her! Birkoff had comforted Nikita when she was sad because of Alex's behavior and he didn't tell her! He knew and he kept her in the dark. Frustated isn't a word strong enough to describe how Nikita felt.
" Nikita.." Birkoff started.
" You knew Birkoff! You knew what happened in Ossetia and you didn't tell me." Nikita said in a small voice accusingly.
" I asked him not to." Alex interrupted trying to defend Birkoff.
" Why?" Nikita asked hurt and collapsed on the bed defeated.
" It wasn't his place to tell you. I decided to keep it a secret and he didn't have the right to make any other decision for me." Alex replied calmly. She didn't want Nikita and Birkoff to fight over her decisions.
" You told Birkoff.. Why didn't you come and tell me what had happened!?" Nikita asked a little harsh.
" I didn't tell him anything. He saw the scars." Alex replied softly and sat down next to Nikita.
" How the hell did he see the scars under your tanks!? You had to strip yourself in order to show me the scars. How did he see the scars?" Nikita asked confused.
" Two days after I come back, he demanded that we would talk. I didn't want anymore trouble so I agreed. We were in his room and he started yelling at me for being a bitch to you and the others. I didn't know how to reply to him, I was silent and he got scared that I was travelling back to Ossetia in my mind, so he hit my back a little to pull me out of my thoughts. The wounds were fresh and sore and his hit caused me to jump up from the pain. He looked at me confused and I told him that I was just lost in my thoughts. I was about to leave his room when he stopped me. One of my wounds had been reopened by his hit and blodd had started covering my tank turning from white into crimson color." Alex paused and took a deep breath.
" She still didn't want to tell me what was going on. So I told her that I would call you. She changed 3 thousand colors and she agreed to talk to me only if I promised her that I wouldn't tell you anything." Birkoff continued the story giving some minutes to Alex to compose herself.
" He took me to the medical and had someone taking care of my wounds. He took a look at the scars too, but he couldn't stand the view so he left the room. As soon as the doctor finished with me, he came back demanding answers. I told him what Amanda did to me but I kept the ugly part for me. He pressed me more and finally I told him why I didn't want to be near to you or Sean or Michael. He understood and he kept my secret." Alex finished and smiled to Birkoff.
She was grateful that her nerd had fulfilled her wish and he hadn't gone running to Nikita.
" Why?" Nikita asked looking at Birkoff. Why did he keep that away from her?
" Because I know how it is to be hurt from someone that you love and care about and I know that you don't want them to know about it." Birkoff answered honestly. It was time to be honest with Nikita, even if he hurts her.
" You have tortured me, Nikita. I know how it feels." Birkoff replied to Nikita's questioning gaze.
Nikita's features darkened in realisation. She had never believed that Birkoff was still angry at her for that. She hadn't hurt him a lot physically but even the sense of being held hostage and tortured from your friend was enough of a trauma.
" I am ok now. I am not angry or anything but I could understand Alex." Birkoff replied trying to comfort Nikita.
" You know how it feels, too, Nikita." Birkoff added trying to lighten the mood and help Nikita to not go in another guilty travel.
" No, I don't." Nikita said ashamed. She had hurt so many people, even those who were close to her...
" I think that you do. Just remember how you felt when I shot you and then left you alone, vulnerable and weak, to deal with Roan." Alex retorted softly, pain evident in her voice.
Nikita stood up and walked away from Alex as memories of that day came crushing down on her mind. It was the day that she had lost Alex from her side.
" I don't think that this is going to work" Alex said with a firm voice and lifted a gun at Nikita's back.
Nikita turned around to ask 'why" but she froze when she saw the gun pointed at her.
" If I am going to die, I want to know... Did you do it?" Alex asked with shaking voice.
" Alex, what are you talking about?" Nikita asked confused.
" Did you kill my father?" Alex asked with a voice full of emotions.
"Put the gun down," Nikita tried to say as calmly and rationally as she could, slowly walking towards her.
"I want to hear you say it!" Alex screamed. The gun shook in her hands. Her eyes were filling up with tears that she tried hard to keep on the lease. Alex was about to explode.
As Nikita opened her mouth to begin explaining herself, she felt pressure, and something sent her to the ground. Alex shot her in her ribs. She shot Nikita…
Alex walked towards Nikita. Her feet pounded against the ground as she walked towards Nikita, and she fell to her knees by her side. She explained to Nikita what was going to do and injected with the drug.
" Good luck and goodbye my friend" Alex said as Nikita's eyes slowly closed, tears running down her face as the drug took effect.
Nikita's gaze was fixed on the floor, her eyes full of tears.
" You still can't look at me when this issue comes up." Alex sighed hurt. She had made her point clear. Her decision had nothing to do with Nikita herself, it had to do with her emotions.
" You should have told me." Nikita ignored Alex's statement.
" Why? So that you can beat yourself up for something that it wasn't your fault? Or so that you can try fixing me? I was mad at you for Larissa, you were mad at me for Ari. Telling you about Amanda's mind games wouldn't have made any difference." Alex retorted.
" I didn't have your back and you didn't have mine. There isn't anything more to say about Ossetia. What Amanda did or didn't do to me, is my problem and only mine. It isn't yours." Alex added firmly.
" Not my problem? It isn't my problem when a sadistic bitch uses my figure to torture the hell out of you? It isn't my problem when you are afraid of my touch or when you are pushing me away? Hell, it is my fucking problem!" Nikita shouted angrily and turned to face Alex.
" I didn't want you to know. I didn't want to have to explain my feelings or my thoughts, I didn't want you to misunderstand my silence or my denial to talk about this, I didn't want to hurt you with Amanda's sick games, I didn't want to talk about it. I wanted to let it go and move on, never letting you know what happened or anything else... just like you don't want me to know your thoughts or your feelings about the day that I shot you." Alex tried to reason Nikita.
" Do you really want to know how I felt when you shot me and let me to deal with Roan?" Nikita asked quietly.
" This isn't what I said. I don't want to know anything that you don't want me to know. I don't want to make you talk about it if it hurts you. But I want you to understand why I didn't come to you, why I kept it a secret." Alex replied.
Nikita looked at Birkoff and gestured to him that she wanted to talk to Alex in private. Birkoff nodded in return and left the room leaving the two girls alone.
" I do understand, Alex but I don't like it. And even more, I don't like the fact that we have so many issues that we don't want to talk about to each other. I will tell you how I felt when you shot me, if you tell me honestly why you shot me." Nikita said and sat back down on the bed next to Alex.
" You still doubt the reason behind my actions?" Alex asked hurt.
" The last time that we talked about it, we had guns trained to each other. I want to look in your eyes when you tell me why you shot me." Nikita replied softly.
" I thought that we were over that but I can keep telling you why until you trust my word." Alex retorted a little offended but in understanding.
" When I turned and saw you with a gun trained at me, I was shocked. I didn't understand what was going on and then you told me that you knew the truth and you wanted me to admit it to you. I knew that if you learnt the truth, you would have been really mad but I never thought that you would pull the trigger." Nikita started demonstrating her feelings about that day. Slowly she stood up and walked away from Alex.
" When the first bullet landed to my vest, I was totally broken. I knew that I deserved it, you had every right to want to avenge your family's death but it hurt me too much. I wanted to tell you the truth but I was scared that if you knew you would have despised me. And then more bullets landed to my chest and i fell back. I thought that I was in the greatest pain in the world, being shot by the person that I loved the most, but I was wrong." Nikita said and paused when she felt a hand on her shoulder.
She turned around and saw Alex looking at her with a pained gaze.
" Can you please look at me?" Alex requested softly. She couldn't stand hearing Nikita talking about it with shaking voice and with her back turned on her. She needed to see in Nikita's eyes. She needed to see what she had caused her. She needed to know that everything was alright now.
Nikita nodded and looked at Alex's baby blue eyes that now were full of tears.
" I thought that it couldn't get worse but it did. When you kneeled next to me, you looked me in the eyes, your gaze was pure pain and sadness, your gaze was the greatest pain of all. I wanted to say something, anything but the words wouldn't leave my mouth. And then you told me goodbye and my heart was ripped away from my body. I wanted to scream to you that I am sorry and that I don't want you to leave, let you know that I am afraid to live without you, tell you that I love you and that I want to change, be a better person for you but the drug took effect and when I woke up , you weren't there, you had left me and I was sad and hurt beyond imagination, I wanted to die. It was unbearable." Nikita said and tried hard not to break eye's contact.
Nikita backed off hurt seeing the same haunted look deep inside Alex's eyes.
" Hey..." Alex tried to reach Nikita.
" Your eyes are still in pain about it." Nikita commented sadly.
" I don't think that I will ever get passed the fact that you didn't trust me with that. It hurts me but I do understand. You should have told me. I felt betrayed and hurt learning the truth from Percy. But I never shot you in order to take revenge on you, or to make you suffer or anything that might have crossed your mind. I shot you because it was the only way to save you and warn you that we were exposed. I was trying to save your life, YOUR life. I was just trying to protect you and I will never be able to tell you how sorry I am about it. I never wanted to shoot you or betray you like that. I am sorry." Alex argued and looked deeply in Nikita's eyes.
She needed Nikita to know that she was completely honest with her. She needed to know that everything was fine again.
" I trust you with my own life, Alex and I will understand it if you ever want revenge. I love you baby girl, I love you so much." Nikita said and let Alex to pull her into a caressing hug.
" I will never want revenge on you." Alex whispered in Nikita's ears and Nikita let a small smile to form on her face.
" I love you" Alex said as she pulled apart from Nikita and looked at her.
Nikita smiled in return and felt relief passing trough her body.
" Any other subject that we have to talk about?" Alex asked softly.
" I think that we are fine." Nikita said still smiling.
" Let's go back to the others." Nikita suggested.
Aex frowned.
" I can't. I have to have my blood tested. I need to test the new cure." Alex replied sadly.
" Do you want me to stay with you?" Nikita offered honestly.
" Nope. Thanks. I got it." Alex replied and gave a reassuring smile to Nikita.
Nikita nodded and left the medical room. She walked through the walls and she finally found out what she was looking for.
" Birkoff..." Nikita shouted with a firm, threatening tone.
Birkoff stood still on his tracks and turned around sheepishly.
" Don't you dare keep a secret like that again from me!" Nikita warned as she closed the distance between them.
" I tried to make you understand that something was wrong but you didn't want to listen to me." Birkoff retorted angrily.
" What are you talking about?" Nikita asked confused.
" I told you to talk with Alex, make her listen to you even by force. You didn't want to listen to my advice. Your ego was damaged after Alex defied your orders and you didn't want to let it go!" Birkoff whispered accusingly.
He was surprised when Nikita lifted her hand and slapped him frustated. Nikita's emotions were spinning out of her control. Amanda had gotten out the worst version of her.
" This is my fault, too?" Nikita yelled hurt and left before Birkoff could reply.
Birkoff stood there too shocked to react. He hadn't expected that his words would have hurt Nikita like that. Nikita entered the elevator and pressed the buttons to the ground level, her system needing desperately some fresh air.
He sighed and went to join the others in Operations.
After awhile Alex joined them, too.
" Where is Nikita?" Alex requested curiously looking around.
" Out." Birkoff replied and avoided Alex's gaze.
Suddenly, a call request come up from Amanda.
" What does she want this time?" Alex asked harsh.
" Put her through." Michael ordered and Birkoff obeyed immediately.
" Hello Division, Alex. Miss me?" Amanda's sarcastical voice echoed through the operations.
" What do you want?" Ryan asked firmly.
" I have something that you might want, Alex." Amanda said and stared at Alex.
" What that would be?" Alex asked coldly.
Amanda smirked at her and turned the camera. What she saw, made her blood turn cold. Nikita was tied up on a chair, obviously beaten up. Julian was standing above her pulling her head up from her hair. She pushed her head down hard and then moved foward punching Nikita's face with force, a small pained scream left Nikita's mouth. She had already endured a lot of pain and she couldn't control her screams anymore.
" Nikita" Alex breathed in shock.
" I will let Amanda warm her up some hours and then I will take good care of her." Julian said grinning as he cupped Nikita's face and the camera turned back to Amanda's sadistic figure.
" What do you want?" Alex asked as the others were still trying to come out from their shock.
" You and Nikita in pain." Amanda said coldly and pressed a button. The room filled with Nikita's screams as 1000volt of electricity crossed her body. Amanda cut off the connection leaving Nikita's screams to be the last noise that they heard from her.