Chapter 46: Capitol Ties
After the wedding, the guests from outlying Districts return to the Victor's Village where they will stay one more night. The toasting comes at the end of a long day. Peeta and Katniss toast the bread, which he had made, over a fire someone prepared for them. It is a custom in District 12 they want to maintain. The day complete, Katniss and Peeta ensure all the guests are settled comfortably for the night. Primrose, of course, had been settled much earlier as Katniss' mother had offered to bring her back to the house while the couple enjoyed the rest of the wedding celebrations.
Peeta and Katniss retire to their room. Peeta looks at Katniss, in all the glory of her wedding attire, and thinks he is the luckiest man alive. He is so proud of her and this is the crowning moment of everything their relationship has endured.
He takes Katniss in his arms.
"I love you so much" Peeta whispers.
"I know" says Katniss. "So much, that you never gave up on me".
It was true. Peeta had never given up on her. They preferred not to think of his hijacking now as Peeta had no control over what the Capitol had done to him and both of them knew that was not the real Peeta, the one that had loved Katniss from the first time he saw her. He knows Katniss still feels some pangs of guilt over how conflicted she had been in her relationship with him, but Peeta recognizes it must have been much harder on Katniss. He had no one else tugging on his affections and his loyalty. In the end, despite all the odds, Katniss had chosen him, and that was what mattered now.
"I didn't really have a choice" Peeta says. "There was never anyone else for me" he tells her as he kisses her on the lips.
Katniss knows she had a choice to make. Gale had been there for her, too, affectionate in moments when they were both trying to decide what their relationship meant to them. She knew Gale loved her as well. But, the dandelion in the spring – Peeta – was the one who had brought real contentment to her restless soul. She didn't know that, of course, until Peeta had returned from the Capitol. Never insistent in his love, Peeta's was always the gentle presence which remained in spite of her wanderings. Of course, the Capitol had tried to destroy that about Peeta and their relationship. Katniss was glad they had not succeeded.
She had wanted Peeta to ask her again at the wedding – "You love me, real or not real?" – so she could answer him in front of witnesses. Before the first Games, he had professed his love for her in front of the whole of Panem. Katniss knew she owed Peeta for the courage he had shown in that moment, and later for bearing her anger and rejection. It was the very least Katniss could do to give that moment to back to Peeta, and to give her own heart peace.
"There will never be anyone else for me" Katniss reassures him as she returns his kiss.
Peeta begins to help Katniss out of her dress as she turns and allows Peeta to unzip her. It is, in some strange way, her response to Johanna's antics at the Quarter Quell. "What do you think, now that the whole world wants to sleep with you?" Johanna had famously said. At the time, Katniss had never thought about anyone else desiring Peeta. The thought had never crossed her mind, until Johanna had pointed the obvious...that Peeta was desirable and other people could see in him what Katniss had denied or was not allowing herself to see. Johanna's comment had triggered something in her, some kind of instinct that said Peeta belonged to no one else, only her. She couldn't even imagine Peeta loving anybody else, that's how certain she had been, even then, of Peeta's love for her. Well, no one else would be sleeping with Peeta now, Katniss decides, knowing hers is the only dress Peeta will ever be allowed to unzip, at least as long as she has breath in her body. The zip runs all the way down to the curve at the base of her back and Peeta draws it down slowly. Parting the back of her dress, he had eases it over her shoulders, being careful of her old wound, and Katniss slips the sleeves from her arms. She works the dress over her hips and lets it fall to the floor. Peeta brushes his hands down her bare arms just before Katniss steps out of the dress and turns around. Their desire is palpable. Katniss removes Peeta's waistcoat and begins to slowly unbutton his shirt. The anticipation of the moment is all encompassing. Katniss belly is protruding and Peeta places his hand over it, willing their child to be whole. He looks at Katniss and sees the future in her eyes, a future they prepare to forge again, as they finally embrace as husband and wife.
The day after the wedding dawns in wintry sunshine. The guests are planning to travel back to their districts and Gale is going to the Capitol. At least he won't be travelling alone, Katniss thinks. They have Effie, Beetee, Johanna, Annie, Katniss' mother and Gale to see off on the train. Haymitch comes with them as they head to the station. None of them know when they will see eachother again.
Katniss has taken Effie aside before this to have a word with her about her comment on the wedding day. She can't let Effie's comment go, the one she made about people in the Districts, and Katniss wants her to know how hurtful it was. Of course, Effie doesn't know that Katniss' additional pain comes from the concerns about her and Peeta's unborn child.
"Effie, I was really hurt at your comment about people in the Districts yesterday. The one you made when you were helping me on with my dress" Katniss begins.
Effie looks surprised. She hadn't thought about it when she had said it.
"Katniss, I was only thinking of you" says Effie. "You and Peeta have been through so much and when I heard about your melancholy with Prim, I was worried about you".
Katniss knows that this was not all that was behind Effie's comment.
"Effie, you said that it was always the problem with the Districts – too many mouths to feed" says Katniss feeling the anger rising in her chest.
"Well, it's true. People were starving and still having children" Effie remarks.
"People were starving because the Capitol controlled everything they had, Effie!" Katniss hands are clenched in fists by her side. "You saw it for yourself. The luxury of the Capitol compared to the poverty of the Districts. Surely now, after the Rebellion, you know more than what you did before about how the Capitol treated us". Katniss feels frustrated that Effie can't see this.
Effie knows Katniss is right. She knows she has lived a privileged and sheltered life in the Capitol. In fact, her trips to District 12 had caused her to become very uncomfortable, not just because of the dirt or the smell. She had gotten to know Peeta and Katniss, their goodness and their strength, and ever since Effie had found it harder to enjoy the Capitol lifestyle. At the Quarter Quell she knew what the Capitol was doing was wrong, but couldn't admit it, even to herself. She had benefited from the perks of the system and it was harrowing to go too deep into cavern of her existence where Effie could see only emptiness.
"Katniss, I am sorry" says Effie, becoming emotional. "I don't like to think about what the Capitol did to the people in the districts…it's just too painful. But, I do want what is best for you and Peeta so if you are happy, then I am happy for you, too. This Capitol mindset is a hard thing to shake" says Effie with tears in her eyes.
Katniss realizes that Effie is still traumatized from the original blow to her Capitol mindset…well, several blows actually which all began when she became emotionally attached to her two Victors. Katniss knows Effie wants what is best for them and decides to forgive her this time. Effie had spoken more out of habit than malice, and Katniss decides it must be exhausting to have to deal with a whole new way of thinking which is the opposite to the one you were brought up with.
"You know, Effie, sometimes I miss the exuberance of the Capitol and the luxuries Peeta and I enjoyed when we were forced into the Games" says Katniss. "I didn't like all of them, in fact, I hated most of the Capitol ways, but there were moments I could really appreciate…like when I saw the outfits Cinna prepared for me, or enjoyed the luxury of the bathrooms on the train and in the Tribute Centre, or sampled the food that you and I ate again when I came to the Capitol to look for my wedding dress" Katniss tells her.
Effie is in tears now, remembering the past and all that is gone, swept away by the Rebellion. Katniss hugs her and Effie knows that she had wanted Katniss and Peeta to see the goodness in the Capitol when she had first met them. It was her good and she didn't know any other kind then. The goodness that she needed to recognize now was in people, not in things. Katniss and Peeta had already shown her some of that, and their little family were going to allow her to experience even more of what was most important to people who had little else except each other. Effie is grateful to Katniss for this moment and Katniss is grateful to Effie as well. Effie allows Katniss to see the person that she could have been, if she had grown up in the Capitol, which makes her even happier that District 12 is still her home. In spite of all the hardships, she would not want to be anywhere else, or raise her children anywhere else either. This is their home. Hers, Peeta's, Prim's and the baby's. It is Gale's home, too. Katniss wonders where he is and when he will be back. She sees him walking ahead onto the platform.
"Gale" Katniss calls out.
He turns and sees her running to catch up with him.
"Katniss" he says and smiles.
"Gale, I couldn't let you go without saying goodbye" she tells him.
"It's not goodbye, Katniss. I'll see you soon…when I have dealt with Snow and all the corrupt politicians in the Capitol" Gale says.
"Please, be careful. We want you back…" Gale interrupts her.
"I will be back, in time for this new baby to be born. No dragging Peeta into the woods this time, Katniss" he says, teasing her.
A year ago, Gale had to go looking for them after Katniss and Peeta disappeared around the time their baby was due. Several Peacekeepers had to join him in the search after Katniss' mother had arrived and could find no sign of them at the house.
"I don't think Peeta will let me do that this time" she says, but more serious now. Peeta and Katniss both know this baby is at risk and don't want to take any more chances.
"Katniss, I will be back. I promise. You and Peeta look after eachother, like you always do, and don't worry about me. I have a whole Peacekeeping Force watching my back" says Gale.
Katniss finds that reassuring and hugs him, wishing him well. He promises to update them on events in the Capitol as soon as possible and tells Katniss he only has Peacekeepers he trusts stationed in District 12 now. She thanks him, kisses his cheek, and then finds Peeta on the platform. As the two of them wave their friends and family off, they hold hands tightly, knowing that the next few months will be full of unpredictable events…just like the Games.