Hello guys! I AM BACK! I know you want to kick my ass, you want to struggle me to death, to shout and yell at me and you have every reason to. I can keep apologising for a long time but this won't do any good. I am sorry for not updating but my hand was really really bad and i was following strict doctor's orders. Since my hand is a little better, i am back. I know that the chapter is not as long as you are used to but i am not in form, slowly they will get longer and longer for now this is a small start. Unexpectedd turns will be updated next.
" we need to talk" Alex said firmly but softly staring at Nikita.
" Yes, we do" Nikita replied calmly and gave Alex one small smile.
" First of all, are you ok, Nikita? Did she hurt you?" Alex asked worried about her best friend's health. She knew well enough that other, graver topics should be addressed but first things first. She needed to know if Nikita was alright or if Amanda had one more time managed to practice her cruel and torturous mind on her family.
" I am fine. Some electroshocks and her usual pet talk. Nothing serious, I promise" Nikita replied softly feeling a warmth in her heart. Those past months, those soft, warm moments with her protegee were rare and she had come to value every soft word, every small smile that Alex gave her way.
" Good, that is good." Alex exclaimed obviously relieved. She didn't want her family, her loved ones in any kind of pain and we all know that Amanda is capable to create the worst kind of pain to her enemies or unlucky ones to fall into her net.
" Nikita.. I had a small talk with Amanda... and she told me about what she was planning to do to you. I am sorry. I never wanted you to get caught in between us.." Alex started to say trying to put her thoughts in words.
" Alex, it's ok.. " Nikita interrupted Alex's speech in an attempth to sooth Alex's worries and guilt.
" Please, let me finish." Alex said firmly. She still hadn't touched what she wanted to discuss with Nikita and she was sure that if she continued to be interrupted, she wasn't going to find the strength and courage to open up to Nikita and speak about her fears. Nikita nodded accepting Alex's request.
" She also said that in your eyes, she saw fear.. fear OF ME. Nikita, I need to know, are you.. are you afraid of me?" Alex almost whispered. Her voice was broken, her heart was aching even in the possibility of her best friend, her sensei looking at her with scared eyes. She didn't want to be feared, not from the people that she cared about.
" I... I... I don't know, Alex. Honestly, I have no idea how to answer that question. I have no idea what you are doing those months. It is obvious that your fighting skills have improved immensly so I guess that you keep yourself active in the field. You go around doing God knows what. You are distancing yourself from everyone and when you are here, it is like you aren't here. You are so cold and calculative that it is unnerving. But then you are soft, caring and loving again and you confuse me. And when I thought that I have finally figured you out, you go and kidnap and threaten innocent people, women and children. CHILDREN, Alex. And I don't know which one is your mask and which is your real self.." Nikita said in one breath, defeated and tired. She didn't want to fight anymore. She didn't want to speak with enigmas. She just wanted to put herself out there and have an honsest conversation, a true one.
"Alex listened carefully to Nikita's words. She knew that she couldn't postpone this anymore. Nikita spoke trufully and she was going to return this favor.
" I see... Nikita, I know that you are confused, that my actions and behavior is confusing, unnerving and however you want to name it but it is what I need right now. I need distance, I need a cold heart and I need to fight some battles alone. I have to face my one enemies, ight my own demons. And I need to do that ALONE and BEFORE I start a new life with you guys. But I can tell you this.. I will come back, I will marry Sean, I will be your maid of honor, I will see Berkoff and Sonya hitting it off. But I need time. A little more time...As for your other doubts. Would I have harmed those innocent people? Probably no but the other don't know that. I don't kill children Nikita. I might killed unarmed men, women etc but I don't kill children Nikita. No matter how cold-hearted I am. " Alex said without breaking eye contact with Nikita.
Then, she took a step closer to Nikita and touching softly Nikita's face she said " You know who my real self is Nikita. Have faith in me. I need you to believe in me, please"
Nikita looked up at Alex. She was right, Alex was right. She shouldn't doubt her friend, she more than everyone knew who Alex was. She knew her past, her fears, her weaknesses, she knew her bad and good. The real Alex was her Alex, her baby girl, her protegee, her best friend, her ally and she was wrong in doubting her. She let Amand win one more time even for a brief moment.
" You are right. I am sorry. I shouldn't have doubted you" Nikita said holding Alex's hand with her hand and nuzzling her face to it.
" It's ok. But I need to go again. My team is waiting for me." Alex said with a sad voice and slowly untackled her hand.
" You are leaving again?" Nikita asked in a small voice.
" I have to. But remember I will be back" Alex said as she exited medical and started a soft jogging through Division's halls. Soon she was in the ground level and was running towards the elicopter and her teammates.
" HI BOSS. ARE YOU OK?" Tom screamed in order to be heard over the noise of the elicopter taking off.
" YEAH. I AM FINE. LET'S GET DONE WITH THIS SHIT. LET'S GO THE OTHERS." Alex yelled back and Tom signaled to the pilot to take off.
" Germany, I am coming. Two more missions and then I can come back to my family.. free from my torture, free from my nightmare" Alex whispered to herself so that only her can listen to what she was saying.