Chapter 51: Diagnosis
Katniss mother has brought Prim down from District 12 to join Peeta and Katniss in their apartment. Primrose is fascinated with Pik and stays close to Katniss' side while her mother tends to the new baby. She wants to be involved in what is going on and Katniss cautiously lets her help out when she can. Prim can't say Pik yet and calls him "PiPi". Peeta and Katniss laugh at her sweet attempts to engage her brother and look after him. She seems like a very concerned big sister. Of course, Prim is getting plenty of attention, too. They have missed her badly during their time in the Capitol.
Katniss' mother revels in her role as Grandmother to both Pik and Prim. Katniss is beginning to see her in a new light and she is developing a real appreciation of her mother again. Katniss had always been closer to her father and when he died and their mother zoned out in her grief, Katniss thought they would never be able to bridge the gap in their relationship. But her mother's attempts to be there for her now, helping to support Katniss and Peeta with their young family, speaks volumes. Katniss tries to respond with graciousness and love.
The day arrives for Pik's follow up test and Peeta is nervous. They have been so taken up with caring for the new baby, and their reunion with Prim, that he hasn't taken the time to talk to Katniss and tell her what she needs to know. Katniss' mother decides to take Prim into the Capitol for a few hours as a treat while Peeta and Katniss prepare for their last visit to the hospital.
"Katniss" Peeta begins as Katniss puts Pik down for a short nap. "We need to talk".
Katniss is still distracted with tidying up and so she replies "What is it, Peeta?"
"I need you to stop what you are doing and sit down for a minute" he tells her.
"Why?" Katniss replies still going about what she is doing.
"Katniss, it's important".
Katniss looks at Peeta and realizes he is serious. She stops and sits beside him on the couch.
"Remember when I took Pik for his last test with the doctor…the hearing test?"
"Yes" says Katniss wondering what Peeta is going to say next.
"Well, I didn't want to tell you then, but the doctor said to me at the time that the tests were inconclusive".
"What does that mean?" she replies, trying to ignore the sense of alarm growing in her gut.
"I asked the same thing" Peeta tells her. "The doctor said Pik might have fluid in his ears after the birth and it could cause a false reading of the test". He is reluctant to go on.
"And?" Katniss prompts him.
"Pik may have a problem with his hearing" Peeta finally gets out.
After Peeta says this, Katniss feels the way she did at the announcement of the Quarter Quell. She is having trouble comprehending what Peeta has just said. It is like the stuff of her worst nightmares, and she doesn't know how to react. Her first response is to want to run, to get away from something she doesn't want to face. Fear, anger, disbelief, desperation all spin in a giant whirlpool of emotions as she gets up and turns on Peeta.
"Why didn't you tell me that after Pik had the first test?!" she shouts at him.
"Because the doctor wasn't sure and I didn't want to worry you" he tells her.
"Worry me?! You didn't want to worry me?! It's my fault if Pik has a hearing problem. I need to take responsibility for that. That is a consequence of my actions. You can't protect me from myself, Peeta" she says full of anger and rage. Katniss directs her rage at herself and at Peeta for trying to protect her again.
"Katniss, it is not your fault" Peeta tries to calm her down. "You didn't know…about Snow, about the pregnancy. You needed those drugs to recover, otherwise you wouldn't be here either! We always knew there was a chance they could have affected the baby, even if we hoped that wasn't the case. If there is a problem with Pik's hearing we'll deal with it. The main thing is he is healthy in every other way and we are going to bring him home".
Peeta's words resonate somewhere deep inside Katniss. They had not planned for any of this to happen and so could not be fully prepared for the outcome. Peeta was not blaming her and the testing still needed to be finalized.
"I don't want to be the cause of Pik's suffering" Katniss confesses to Peeta.
He takes her in his arms.
"You're not, Katniss" he tells her. "The suffering we've all endured can be blamed on one person, and that person isn't you. It's Snow. He's the real enemy and we're not going to let him win this time either. Pik is perfect, we love him, and if there is a problem we will deal with it like we always do, together. First, we need to go back to the hospital and get the final test results".
An hour later, Peeta and Katniss return to the hospital for the final test to be completed. The doctor is waiting for them and explains the process again to Peeta and for the first time to Katniss. They hold hands tightly as Dr. Davies conducts the test. It doesn't take long. When it is finally over, Dr. Davies turns to them and clears his throat.
"I am sorry to have to tell you this, but the indications from this second test are that there is a problem with Pik's hearing, probably due to the drugs administered during your pregnancy".
Peeta asks him "How much of a problem?" as there must be degrees to these things. Maybe Pik can still hear something, anything.
"Your baby is profoundly deaf" says Dr. Davies, not mincing words. "There has been no response on testing and x-rays and a scan will probably confirm what I am telling you. I will organize them for this afternoon".
Katniss can't breathe. She holds her hand to her neck and tells Peeta.
"I can't breathe. Peeta, I can't breathe" she says gasping.
Peeta stands in front of her and tells her again
"Katniss, we are going to get through this. Pik needs us". Taking her in his arms he begs her quietly, "Please…stay with me".
Dr. Davies has pulled up a chair for Katniss and offers to get her a glass of water. Peeta kneels beside her and tells Katniss to take deep breaths to try and calm herself down. He has lifted Pik from the table and is holding him in his arms. Katniss looks at Pik and her eyes fill with tears.
"He can't hear me. He can't hear me. I have been talking to him and singing to him and he can't hear me" Katniss laments as tears spill down her cheeks.
"He can feel you, Katniss, and he can see you. You are his mother and he needs you. Your touch, your smile, your smell, your kisses, the warmth of your body. Pik needs all these things from you and because of them he will know you, even if he can't hear your voice".
Peeta recognizes they have to start at the beginning, with the basics. Pik was only a newborn baby and all he needed right now was their presence, the simple things to ensure he was cared for and loved. There was so much more they had to learn about his condition and how it could be treated. The main thing was that they had him and he had parents who would respond to his needs. Peeta was confident Katniss would prove herself again and that they would get through this together.
Katniss absorbs Peeta's words and her breathing becomes more normal. She takes the glass of water from Dr. Davies and, after gathering herself, takes Pik from Peeta's arms and holds him close. Peeta wraps his arms around them both. He has had time to prepare for this moment, Katniss has not. Now, he needs to prepare to inform Gale about the outcome. It will be done before they return home to District 12.