Chapter 55: Katniss
The three of them head over to the house to see Katniss. She is shocked to see Gale with Haymitch and Peeta when they return. She had no idea he was in District 12 again. Katniss doesn't know if Gale has heard about Pik yet and holds back from giving him a hug when she sees him. She feels self-conscious about Pik's diagnosis and how people might react once they know…even Gale. He immediately tries to reassure her.
"Katniss, I know" says Gale.
Katniss feels like a rabbit caught in the headlights.
"No, you don't know. You don't know anything" she retorts.
"I know, Katniss. It's OK. It's not your fault" he says.
Katniss' eyes begin to fill with tears. It is her fault. It's her fault Gale is here now, too. She knows. It will always be her fault when people are sick and dead and dying.
Katniss remains still. Like a wounded animal she wants him to tend to her, but she is also afraid. Afraid to let her emotions go, even with her old friend. Gale moves towards her.
"No" she says as she moves back. She doesn't want to confront Gale or her emotions. She wants to escape right now. Peeta senses Katniss' response and decides to step in.
"Katniss and I are going to take a walk to Prim's grave and get some fresh air" he tells them.
Katniss agrees and Peeta asks Haymitch and Gale to wait for them while they go out. Pik is asleep upstairs and Prim will be fine with Haymitch and Gale to keep and eye on her.
Katniss gets ready and she and Peeta head out the door. It's a warm Spring day and Katniss holds Peeta's hand tightly as they walk. Both of them are silent and let the birdsong, along with the scents of Spring, wash over them. Prim's grave is lovely at this time of year, with the flowers in full bloom. It is colourful and the scene is peaceful, so unlike what is going on in Katniss' mind right now.
"I can't face him" Katniss says.
"I don't understand" says Peeta.
Katniss feels damaged. She feels she has damaged their child, too.
"I was always strong around Gale. I always felt like I was in control somehow. Now, I don't know how to face him…as someone who is weak, damaged".
"You are not weak, Katniss. You are not damaged. Neither is Pik. Both of you are perfect and Gale will take you as he finds you. He loves you for who you are, just like I do" Peeta says.
Katniss can't accept this.
"I don't love myself, Peeta. I feel so ashamed about what has happened". Tears well up in Katniss eyes.
Peeta takes Katniss in his arms. He knows she feels ashamed. The fact that she can't face Gale right now tells him that the pain in Katniss runs deep. He doesn't know if Gale's plan is going to ease any of that pain.
"Gale has a plan, Katniss. He has a plan to recapture Snow. That's why he is here".
Katniss tries to gather herself.
"What plan?" she asks.
"A plan that will bring an end to this suffering once and for all" Peeta tells her.
"Nothing will change what has happened to Pik" Katniss says.
"I know" says Peeta. "But killing Snow will ensure nothing like this can ever happen again".
"How is he going to kill Snow?" Katniss wonders.
"Gale has a plan to capture him. Paylor has agreed to his plan and so have I. Haymitch, too. You don't have to be involved. In fact, you have been excused, but I think you need to hear what Gale has to say" Peeta tells her.
Katniss agrees to hear Gale out and the two of them return to the house. Katniss has gathered herself, but stays close to Peeta's side and keeps her hand in his when they return. This is the only way she can feel strong right now. Peeta is her rock.
"I told Katniss you have a plan to recapture Snow" says Peeta.
"I want him dead" says Katniss.
Gale explains.
"Remember when Coin called you all together to vote on a way to avoid more bloodshed in the aftermath of the Rebellion? Well, Paylor has agreed to institute those Games…the ones with the Capitol's children".
Katniss looks at Peeta. He just nods. Katniss knows that means Peeta agrees.
"How is that going to help us recapture Snow?" Katniss asks.
"We hope it will force the hand of the Capitol Rebels and they will give up information about Snow's whereabouts. Threatening the Capitol prisoners with the Games was how I got the information that helped me locate you after you were captured" Gale tells her.
Katniss knows that information saved her life. It had saved Pik's life, too. She can also see that Peeta, Haymitch and Gale are all in agreement. If there was any other way Katniss knows they would have tried it. None of them wanted to take human life needlessly. She just wished it didn't require more children being forced into the Games…even Capitol children. Snow was going to make his own people pay for his arrogance and treachery. It was his fault it had come to this, no one else's, Katniss thinks with some clarity.
"How will you select the Tributes?" Katniss asks.
"They have already been chosen during the earlier operation with the prisoners. All except one. There was one prisoner who came forward to give us information. He has been released and his daughter excused from the Games".
"How will you replace the missing Tribute?" she says.
"President Snow has a granddaughter…Ebony. She will be the final Tribute" Gale tells her.
That seems fitting to Katniss, but at the same time she remembers the fear, the sheer terror of being forced into the Games. Katniss tries to free herself of any empathy she might feel toward this girl or the other Tributes. She doesn't know, of course, how much this child had admired her during the Games, how much she wanted to be like Katniss and how threatened she felt by her Grandfather when he banned all images of the Mockingjay.
Gale goes on.
"Katniss, the rulebook requires that the Tributes must have Mentors. You have been excused from being a Mentor, but Peeta will need to come back to the Capitol with me to discuss the Games and choose his Tributes as well".
Katniss knows she has enough to contend with right now and does not argue with Gale on this point. Peeta and Gale are both relieved. But Katniss is concerned about Peeta. He is not normally an aggressor. She had seen that side of him after his hijacking and it frightened her. Pik's diagnosis had affected them all, but none of this would change that outcome. She needed to talk to Peeta.
Peeta interjects.
"Katniss, I will only be gone for a few days this time. It's going to take a while to build the Arena so I will be back in the meantime" he tells her.
"You won't be going back to the Capitol without me the next time" Katniss tells him. She needs to be there. She needs to make sure Peeta will be OK.
"Katniss…" he says.
"No. I am going with you. The children can come, too. Gale can organize the accommodation, can't you, Gale?" Katniss says.
Gale feels he needs to give Katniss this. If she is not involved in Mentoring, he needs to give her the option to be involved in some way…even if it is just to support Peeta.
"Yes" Gale tells her.
Peeta doesn't want Katniss to have to experience any part of the Games. She seems so fragile right now.
"Then, it's decided" says Katniss. Peeta will go back to the Capitol with Gale for now and the next time she will be with him.
"Just so you know" says Gale "the Games could be called off at any time if we get the information we need and Snow ends up back in our custody".
That would be the best possible outcome for everyone, Katniss thinks. For now, the planning will go ahead and Peeta will go back to the Capitol.
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