October 2031

Cas didn't know how but somehow, he had gotten through it. Through people telling him how sorry they were, through the pity, through the burial and worst of all, through Sam trying to hide his own grief from Cas for Cas's benefit.

Later that night, when Cas got home, he reused to sleep in his bed and slept on the couch. He would need to get a new bed.

People came to his house every day with food and condolences and Cas let them in but he barely talked to them.

Sam and Jess came over with the twins and he smiled at the kids but he felt like he was putting on a show for them. Sam also called in to check in on him daily but Cas barely responded, just giving one-word answers.

Anna, her husband, Dave, and their daughter, Teddy also came over but that didn't cheer or help Cas much either. He just didn't want to talk to anyone.

He was numb. He didn't think he could ever feel again.

November 2031

His cell phone was ringing and Cas didn't want to pick it up. He couldn't care less who it was that was calling him. He had taken a leave of absence from work so he knew it wouldn't be the school and he really didn't want to talk to his family or his friends. However, the phone wouldn't stop ringing so he got up from the couch and answered the call.

"Hello," He said in a gravelly voice while cracking his joints. He hadn't gotten up from the couch in several days.

"Hello, Is this Castiel Milton Winchester?" A cheerful yet panicky voice answered him on the other end.

"Yes," Cas answered cautiously.

"Oh good, I'm Chuck Shurley. We really loved your work. We'd like to publish a book by you," The man answered him.

Cas's eyes bugged out and he yawned. He didn't remember sending in his work anywhere.

"Huh?" He asked.

"Your husband, Dean, he sent us some samples of your work. We were impressed by your short stories and we wanted to offer you a book deal."

At the mention of Dean, Cas started yelling at Chuck. "He had not right to do that, no fucking right!"

"Umm- I'm sorry, sir, really, but maybe you could talk to him about it rather than shouting at me." Chuck's voice got quieter by the second.

Cas gritted his teeth and he thought he saw red everywhere. "Tell me chuck, do you know where he is?"

"I- umm, Castiel no, I don't," Chuck answered him.

"Well I'll tell where he is," Cas said sharply. "He's six feet under." Then he hung up and threw his cell phone at the wall. He glared at one of the picture frames of Dean hanging on the wall and yelled, "You had no right."

Then he started to sob.

Later when he stopped crying, picked up his phone (or what was left of it), and cleaned up the floor, he went to take a shower where he burst into tears again.

Following that, he got dressed and got into the car. He didn't want to do this but he knew he had to.

The drive was quicker than he thought it would be.

He got out of the car and was walking to Dean's grave when he noticed a figure kneeling in front of it. Upon closer inspection, he realized that it was Ruby. She was putting flowers on the ground.

"What are you doing here?" He asked angrily.

She jumped at the noise and said, "Jesus, you could kill someone that way!"

Ignoring her, he repeated his question.

"I was just paying my respects. I may have been bitchy and teased him a lot back in the day," She smiled but after a few seconds, her smile grew sad and she added, "But he was a great friend."

"Yeah, he was," He said quietly.

"Well I have to get going. Chuck is waiting for me in the car."

"Chuck- Chuck Shurley?" He asked, surprised laced in his voice.

She gave him a weird look. "Yeah, Chuck, we've been going out for a few months now, he's a bit-"

"Panicky?" Cas supplied. Then he felt guilty.

Ruby laughed. "Yeah but he's genuinely nice and I like him. He actually told me he had a conversation with you and told me about Dean so we decided to drive here right away to pay our respects."

"That's good, I'm happy for you," He said but his voice cracked. "It was nice seeing you here."

"Oh Cas," She said and took him into his arms. He didn't try to stop her. Instead, he hugged back.

He let himself cry again while she held him. In that moment, he realized what had made Dean befriend her all those years ago. Underneath all the snark and the sarcasm, laid loyalty and a fierceness to protect.

After Cas had apologized to Chuck about his earlier outburst and promised to eventually call the publishing company back, Ruby and Chuck left.

Then Cas came up to Dean's grave and said, "Hey, Deanie." He paused, startled by the realization that Dean wasn't going to be there to tell him to call him Dean, not Deanie.

"I miss you. I couldn't even- I couldn't even say your name for the first few weeks, if I'm being honest, it still hurts to say it aloud, Dean. I hope you're alright up there," He laughed but it came out more like a sob. "Actually, I know you're alright up there. You're up there with your family, who you haven't seen in so many years, you must be having a blast." He smiled at that. "Although I know you're up there and at peace, I still wish you were here."

Then he began to cry. As sobs wracked his body, he thought he would never again be the same. Losing Dean (forever this time) would have a lasting effect.