Disclaimer: I don't own Dan or Phil. I also don't own any other YouTubers you may see in this story (such as KickThePj [PJ Liguori],crabstickz (Chris Kendall) sprinkleofglitter [Louise Pentland], etc.), any real life references you may see, social media (Primarily YouTube, but also Twitter, Facebook, Tumblr, etc.), music/song references, as well as artists/bands (such as Muse, MCR, etc.), and whatever you recognize. I am not creative enough to own that stuff :P I do own my OC, Abigail Elizabeth Woods, who I think is creative...?
Yes, the title is a Hamilton reference. No, I am not sorry that I am Hamiltrash.
Chapter 27: Suddenly I'm Helpless
The paramedics flood into Phil's room, which seemed smaller and tighter to Abi. She feels as if she was going to be sick. Dan watches helplessly as they carried Phil onto a stretcher. Abi instinctively wraps herself around his waist.
"Mr. Howell. Miss Woods," someone says, snapping them out of their daze. He is wearing a beige sweater-vest over a white collar shirt, denim jeans, and black shoes. His blond hair was slicked back with gel, and his green eyes stared back at theirs. He extends his hand forward, and though the skin was tanned, it was cold at contact.
"Hello," Dan says, not taking his eyes off Abi, who was on the verge of tears. He squeezes her shoulder and steps forward, reassuring Abi that he was going to talk. He shakes his hand firmly, trying not to seem fazed at how strong the handshake was. "Thank you so much for coming…?"
The man smiles. "Detective Grants, but you can call me Harrison, or Harry."
"Mr. Grants," Abi whispers, her voice dry and raspy. "Do they know what's wrong with him?"
"Your flatmate?" he asks. Dan nods in response. He pulls out a notepad and a pen, looking up at the two of them.
"They suspect a drug overdose," he announces. "Has…?"
"Phil," Abi supplies. "Philip Lester."
"Right. Has...Phil shown any signs of drug consumption at all in the last...let's say months?"
Dan shakes his head right away. "Not Phil. He would never."
"Now Mr. Howell, we aren't discluding over-the-counter drugs as well. Has he taken a Tylenol, or an Advil, perhaps to cure a headache?"
Something clicks in Abi's head. "He took an Advil this morning for a hangover. I caught him in here with an empty glass — probably water — and Dan said the Advil container was on the kitchen island this morning when he woke up."
He scribbles it all down in his notepad and nods approvingly. "Do you know how new the Advil was? Has it been used before?"
Abi looks at Dan for an answer. He shakes his head. "We just got it last night after I ran some errands. Now that I think of it...it was still sealed. I'm not exactly sure where Phil got the pill…"
Detective Grants nods, scribbling the notes all down. "Was there anyone else here before the incident?"
"None of us," Dan answers, "but we think his girlfriend was here the night before."
This seems to catch his attention. "Did she stay overnight?"
"We believe so," Abi replies honestly. "We think...um...that's why he had the Advil, if you know what I'm talking about."
The detective hums, seemingly amused. "Did his girlfriend leave the glass of water for him, or did Phil get it himself?"
"I think Rosa, his girlfriend, got it," Abi says hesitantly. "Phil didn't go out of his room at all today."
"Where is the glass? You haven't washed it's, have you?"
Abi feels blood rushing to her cheeks. "I have, sorry."
The detective looks disappointed, but tries to hide it. He closes his notepad.
"We'll get to the bottom of this, I assure you," he says at last. "Your flatmate — I mean Phil — will be alright."
"We don't have a car," Dan says bluntly, "can you give us a ride to the hospital?"
Abi places a hand on his shoulder. "Dan, I'm sure Detective Grants has things to do...we can ask Peej, or catch a train, or—"
Detective Grants smiles. "No, of course I will."
He leads them out, and on the way down the stairs, he adds, "It's still Harry by the way."
Dan isn't sure he likes this...Harry.
Throughout his whole conversation with Louise on the subject of her taking care of Striker, the two were talking as if they've known each other for years.
First of all, it turns out they did know each other — Abi finally recognized him as a former classmate in high school. Before becoming a detective, they also worked together in Tesco before Abi strangely "disappeared".
"My apologies about your father," Harry says after Abi explains her story vaguely. They stop at a red light as rain splashing against the window. Abi shakes her head.
"It's over," she replies, almost sadly. "Nothing much we can do now."
Her gaze lingers at his eye level, before going down to a ring on his finger.
"You're married?" She smiles, and Dan perks up. Harry bites his lip.
"Was," he murmurs. "Apologies that you missed the event — you were on the guest list, I swear."
"Was?" she echoes. Harry accelerates when the light turns green.
"Was," he repeats. "I filed a divorce last month."
Abi frowns. "I'm sorry...sometimes it was the best for you and her."
Harry says nothing more, and Dan can feel his heart drop. He sags in the backseat, somewhat defeated.
"You alright, Dan?" Abi turns around in her seat and faces him. "I know you're impatient, but don't worry. We're almost there."
Dan looks at her, helpless. "I'm fine. Everything will be fine."
Abi shares an almost pitiful look before turning back around. Dan listens to Abi and Harry converse the rest of the way.
They thank Harry when they get out of the car, and quickly head inside to avoid getting wet. Dan tries to forget everything that happened in the car, and in attempts of starting a conversation with Abi, asks the exact opposite of what he wanted to.
"How far do Harry and I go?" Abi echoes what Dan asked much to his dismay as they begin to fill out forms for Phil. "Very far back, now that I think of it. I can't believe I didn't recognize him earlier...he's changed so much."
"Can't blame you," Dan grits out through his teeth. "He doesn't seem very memorable."
Abi, oblivious to Dan's discreet insult, sighs almost too dreamily for Dan's taste.
"He has changed a lot, but he was very memorable," she recalls. "He was very animated...I don't know why I didn't guess he was going to be a part of the police force when he grew up; he is the most loyal, kind-hearted soul I knew. He unknowingly got me through the rough times when I was growing up, and I felt so bad for ignoring his texts and calls when I ran off. He just wanted to help people...I wish I let him help me."
Dan, stunned into silence to even speak, gulps down any words that could make the situation worse.
"He sounds...absolutely wonderful," Dan says instead. "Maybe you guys will be able to catch up when all of this is over."
Abi opens her mouth to speak, but she shakes her head, mentally cutting herself off. She gives Dan a small smile and stands up to give the documents to the woman. Dan follows her eagerly.
"Has Phil...Phil Lester, I mean. Has he been admitted into a room yet? Is there any way that we can see him now?" Dan asks hastily, stepping in front of Abi to face the receptionist. She pushes her glasses up and looks down at the papers Abi signed, then at the computer screen.
"I'm afraid not, Mr…,"
"Dan," he supplies. "Dan Howell."
"Not yet then, Mr. Howell. His records are not yet registered into the system, I'm afraid—"
"It took us nearly twenty minutes to get here," Dan interrupts, his voice rising. He swats Abi's moving hand over his shoulder. "Surely the ambulance got Phil to the hospital in half that time. It took us ten minutes to sign those papers, so he must've been here for more than a half hour!"
"Dan," Abi says warningly, but Dan waves his hands dismissively in her direction.
"No, tell me!" Dan exclaims, suddenly mad. "Phil has to be here by now, and if not, it's your damn job to find out where he is!"
"Mr. Howell, I'm telling you, I don't kn—"
"If I have to get through this damn window to see these fucking records, then I will!"
"Dan!" Abi gasps. The receptionist's eyes widen, and she stands up, as if ready to call security. Dan opens his mouth to speak when another voice silences them.
"Is anyone here for Phil Lester?" a man's voice calls out.
Abi turns around and Dan shares one final glare with the woman, who smoothes her skirt and sits down in her chair once more. Dan shrugs Abi's grasp off his arm and storms towards the doctor.
"We're here for him, where is he?" Dan demands. Abi says nothing more. The doctor looks down at his clipboard and sighs.
"He's been here for thirty minutes now. We've admitted him into a room shortly after a quick examination and filed the info we needed from him into our hospital records."
Dan nearly shoots daggers at the receptionist, who pretends not to notice. Abi pushes Dan back softly and looks at the doctor.
"How is he? What happened to him? Is he okay?" she asks hastily, feeling her anxiety creep through her throat. The doctor lowers the clipboard, as if memorizing his whole monologue.
"He's alright, but he suffered a bit of brain damage," the doctor says gravely. "He was out cold when we examined him, and is, at the moment, in a temporary coma."
Dan's heart nearly drops at the word. "C-Coma?"
He staggers into a nearby chair, sitting down and pushing his hair up.
Phil. The Phil that he fell in love with years ago. The same Phil that cradled him when he was basically dead. The same Phil that helped him overcome his fear of making any attempts to make towards Abi. The same Phil that helped him overcome all his fears with just one smile.
The same Phil that was now close to death right now.
"What caused it, if I can ask?" Abi murmurs, trying not to look at Dan. The doctor sighs.
"According to our tests, he had a base-pill of morphine — he took that first, I mean — before consuming many dissolved drugs such as morphine, rohypnol, and gamma hydroxybutyric acid — you'd know it as GHB, of course. We think that these drugs were dissolved in a liquid and Phil overdosed, causing him to pass out and cause small brain damage."
"Will he be okay?" Dan asks in a small voice. "His whole life is ahead of him...this can't be a bad thing."
The doctor nods. "He'll be fine. He should wake up, but not in a few days, as his body...shut down for a while. The brain damage caused by the overdosage shouldn't be too much of a problem — the worst he'll come out with is a migraine for a few days and some memory loss."
"Can we see him please?" Dan asks hoarsely.
"Now Mr. Howell, be sensible; you know that Philip needs his rest—"
"Sensible?!" Dan echoes angrily. "You're telling me to be sensible?! How dare you—"
"Doctor, let us see him." Abi does her best not to shout. "You have no right to tell us that; we are his family, and we are the ones to see him immediately."
"But Miss—"
"Please," Abi pleads. "Let us in. Phil will understand."
The doctor sigh sigh, pushing his glasses up. "Very well. Though he may be sleeping or out of it, both caused by the overdosage. He is in room 207 on the second floor. Elevators are straight ahead along the right corridor, and—"
"Thank you," Dan grumbles, pushing past the doctor. Abi fakes an apologetic smile and follows Dan to the elevator.
When they're in, Abi leans against the wall as Dan presses the button and watches the doors close.
"Dan," Abi starts off, but Dan waves his hand dismissively
"Are you going to scold me, Abi?" he asks wearily. "I'll have you know, I am not sorry about what I did back there."
"I understand that, but you do know that—"
Dan ignores her. "And to think that they work in a place that is supposed to comfort patients' loved ones — I didn't receive a bloody act of reassurance from that damn receptionist, let alone that fucking doctor."
"Dan!" Abi exclaims, pushing herself off the wall and stepping in front of him. "I understand that we are all under great stress, but you cannot make a scene like that."
Dan's shoulders sag, almost like a child pouting. "But Abi, you have to understand me! I am trying to hold myself together...because...b-because Phil…"
The wall surrounding Dan suddenly breaks, and he lets out a gut-wrenching sob. Abi sighs, shaking her head sadly as she lets him into her arms.
"Don't worry, Dan," she murmurs behind his back. "Phil will be fine. He is strong enough to overcome this...he'll be fine."
"Abi, I know they are starting an investigation and all about this being a 'sabotage' of some sorts," Dan says, stepping out of their embrace, "but you don't think that Phil…"
He trails off, and Abi frowns. "Phil would do what? Dan, what are you thinking?"
Dan looks down, almost ashamed. "You don't think would do all of this on...on purpose, do you?"
Abi gasps loudly, aghast. "Dan!"
"Hear me out, please," Dan says quickly. "I know that it sounds crazy, but...there's a part of me that thinks I've been missing everything. I must have missed a signal he has been trying to send me, and when I thought he was happy, he was just masking some sort of sadness."
Abi sighs. "Dan, that's not true. We know Phil — you know Phil. If there is anything that Phil had to tell us, he would; you know that. Phil would never hide anything from us, he'd—"
"How do you know?!" Dan cries out. "He could've been hurting from us all this time...and we would never know it. Phil...he's something else. He can't express his emotions like we do...I almost never know if he is ever happy behind that damn smile of his."
The elevator doors open after what seems like an eternity. Abi shakes her head and follows Dan out, who is already storming down the hall.
They find Phil's room after five minutes of walking around the floor, but before Dan can open the door, Abi takes his arm first.
"Dan," she whispers, pulling him towards her, "he's alright. They'll find out who did this to Phil, and everything will be okay…okay?"
Dan holds his angry glare, but Abi watches as he releases it seconds later, nodding in defeat.
"Fine," he says. "I suppose he'll be fine."
"All of us will be fine," Abi corrects, rubbing his shoulder. "There's nothing that we can't overcome, am I right?"
Dan looks down sadly. "We should...go inside. You know, check on him and what not."
Abi sighs. "Of course."
Dan opens the door slowly, and they walk across the bed of another sleeping patient, pulling the curtain slightly open and walking into the part of the room Phil was in. Dan bites back his tears.
The first thing that catches Dan's eye is the oxygen mask on Phil's face, which was more pale than usual. It breaks Dan's heart to acknowledge that Phil needed something to help him breathe; something to keep him alive.
He feels Abi's hand on his shoulder, and he turns his head to face her.
"D-Dan, whatever you're thinking of, stop thinking about it," she whispers, her voice cracking from the sudden sob that escapes her lips. Dan nods, and he walks towards the bed slowly.
"He looks so...still," Dan acknowledges quietly.
"It is crazy that he is so still when he is sleeping," Abi jokes without a smile, but it falls flat with Dan, who would usually be the one to say it.
"I know that, but it's different. When he falls asleep during a movie, he looks like he's at peace. This time...he looks like he is thinking about something. Like he's...hurting."
Abi winces at the last word. "He's fine. Maybe he just needs to see — I mean hear — us or something; knowing Phil, he would probably want to know that we are okay."
"You're right," Dan smiles, "the selfless bastard."
Abi places a hand on Phil's gently. "Phil? It's us, Abi and Dan."
Dan steps up beside Abi and nods. "Yeah, it's us. I hope you remember us and all — if you don't, that's fine, because we can reenact a phanfic somewhere."
"Dan!" Abi hisses quietly, nudging him with a small smile. "You don't want Phil to think about that, would you?"
"Hey, we don't even know if he can hear us," Dan points out, trying to keep the bitterness out of the sentence. Abi shrugs.
"They say hearing is the last thing that goes away when someone is unconscious. Besides, people in comas can hear what's happening...right?"
Dan hums, "I suppose."
Abi looks down at Phil. "I hope you are okay, Phil. It'd be cool if you did the thing where I ask you if you can hear us, then you squeeze my hand or something. I feel like that would be a big cliché, if you know what I am talking about—"
Suddenly, Abi feels a small amount of pressure on her hand. Dan's eyes widen and Abi looks down.
Phil is squeezing her hand, and Abi's words fade away. She instinctively reels back, nearly letting go, and feels his grasp loosen on her wrist.
"You're a cliché, Phil," Dan says quietly, smiling "Hope that cliché involves you waking up."
A week later, Dan and Abi are sitting in their lounge, watching a TV show in silence.
Phil was still in a coma, but they have been visiting him daily. They informed Phil's parents, who came shortly after in tears. They were staying in a hotel nearby, and came every second Dan and Abi weren't able to.
The fans were in the dark about what happened, knowing nothing other than the fact that "Phil was a bit sick" and it was "nothing to worry about, nor anything to try speculate about". Dan never liked the idea about lying to their fans, but Abi explained gently that everyone in the world had no right to their personal life.
Their close friends, however, were always there for them. Louise, who had taken care of Striker when they went to the hospital, was in tears when she found out, but promised to do whatever she could to help. They let Striker stay at PJ's flat so that he would stay away from the stress while being taken care of.
Aside from tweeting about the small hiatus they were taking, Dan hasn't went on any social media during the time Phil was in the hospital. He posted the new video that Abi helped him film, and no one dared to question that some parts showed him looking sad and tired, which of course was filmed after the incident. To those who asked, Dan ignored it.
Now that he thought of it, he was ignoring a lot of things lately. He's been avoiding questions from the public, ignoring the endless conversations Abi has had on the phone with Harry — despite reuniting a week ago, they have been too close for Dan's liking — and the continuous texts that he got from the infamous 'endtheroomie' about "something happening very soon", which he hid from Abi for the time being; they didn't need anymore. He ignored the jealous flame in him whenever Abi talked animatedly about Harry, and acted all love-struck when she talked about Harry, and whenever the image of Harry popped up in his mind, and Ha—
"Dan?" Abi's voice snaps him out of his thoughts. "Would you get me a glass of water from the kitchen?"
Dan blinks. "Of course."
He stands up and walks towards the kitchen, and Abi sighs, watching him walk away.
'He's been like that all week,' she thinks wearily. 'There has to be something that would make him feel better...I wish I could make him feel better.'
Her cellphone rings beside her, and she picks it up.
"Hey, you have Abi," she mumbles boredly, her voice monotonous.
"Hello, is this Abigail Woods? This is the Queen Elizabeth II Hospital—"
Abi's eyes widen, standing up. "Yes, this is Abigail. Are you calling about Phil Lester? He was admitted last week, and—"
She stops ranting when she feels arms going around her waist, and when she turns around, she realizes that Dan is hugging her from behind. His eyes look calm, and he mouths, "Relax."
She puts the phone on speaker. "What is it do you need, m'am?"
"We're calling to tell you that Phil Lester has woken up. If you can come to the hospital as soon as you can, that would be great."
"O-Of course," Abi stammers, motioning for Dan to get ready. "We'll be there in twenty minutes."
"Anyone here for Phil Lester?" the doctor asks from the entrance of the waiting room. Abi and Dan stand at the same time, making a mad dash towards the doctor.
"Yes, we are here for him," Abi says, and Dan mutters quietly "You'd think he'd know us by now", to which Abi just rolls her eyes.
"We finished our tests," the doctor says. "As predicted, he has a bit of brain damage, but it was nothing we couldn't fix up. He has a bit of consciousness, but it's enough for you to see him. We knocked him out through most of our procedures to avoid the risk of making the damage worse, so he might be a little out of it."
"What should we do when we see him?" Dan asks. "Should we pester him about what happened, or what he remembers, or…?"
The doctor shakes his head. "You may ask him if he remembers, but it's best not to tell him anything too important, or tell him of what happened if he does forget. Chances are is that he won't be able to comprehend most of what you're saying, so it's best that you take it slow."
"Of course," Abi promises, shaking his hand. "Thank you so much."
For the first time in a long time, Dan tells Abi to use the stairs.
"I hate you," Abi says halfway through, out of breath. "Two steep floors that are very far from each other and you want us to take the stairs?!"
Dan smirks, though it was very clear he was tired. "I didn't want to wait anymore."
Abi's phone rings from her pocket, and she pulls it out as they speed up the stairs. A smile appears on her face when she reads what's on the screen, and Dan bites back a groan.
"Harry?" he prompts, and Abi faces him, nodding.
"Yeah, I texted him in the taxi," she admits. "He said he will be here as soon as he gets out of work. He said he might ask a few questions, but he will mainly be there for moral support."
"Harry definitely sped into your life, huh?" Dan says sarcastically, but the tone of his voice was bitter. Abi cluelessly ignores it.
"Even if we've spent years apart, I feel like I've seen him everyday of my life," she gushes. "I know it's been a week, but I feel like we're really hitting it off."
"Hitting it off?" Dan echoes as they reach the top of the stairs. Abi opens the door to the second floor and Dan trails behind her.
"I think so," Abi says with a small smile. "Maybe when all of this over, I'll take him out for a coffee or something."
"Coffee," he repeats dryly. "I didn't know our whole life has turned into a phanfiction."
"Shut up," Abi giggles, punching him softly. "It's about time I start getting my love life jumpstarted — it's nice to finally move in something rather than wait for it."
Dan grits his teeth. "Maybe waiting is something good."
Abi stops at the door of Phil's room and faces Dan, a sudden sadness evident in her eyes.
"For some people, I guess," she answers quietly, and that's the end of the conversation.
They walk into the room and practically run towards Phil's hospital bed. When they get inside, the first thing they see is Phil's bright eyes.
Though they are a bit duller than before, there was still the bright spark of life that they all recognized. There were bags under his eyes, and his hair was messier than ever, but he was there, awake.
"P-Phil," Dan stutters, running towards Phil and giving him a big hug. "Oh my goodness, Phil, you're awake. They weren't lying, you're really awake."
"We're really glad to see your eyes," Abi says, going on the opposite side of the bed. "I remember when I was in a bed like this, and you wanted to see my eyes again. Now I know how it feels."
Phil looks at Dan and Abi strangely, and cracks out a small smile. "Dan...Abi?"
"Yes, Phil, it's us," Dan sniffles. "I don't know why I'm so emotional though."
Phil opens his mouth, dryly laughing. "I...I think that's something called 'emotions', Dan."
His voice was a bit high and squeaky, and Abi realized that Phil was still under all those drugs. She rubs the loose strands of hair off his forehead.
"Are you okay, Phil?" she asks.
Phil shrugs. "I'm a bit woozy, t-b-h."
Dan smiles. "I wish I can film this right now. You would never use an abbreviation in real life, and I can't wait to prove you wrong."
"Phil," Abi says slowly, "do you remember anything that happened to you the night you got knocked out?"
"Knocked out?" Phil echoes. "Knocked out of what?"
Dan chuckles. "No, Phil, what Abi is asking is if you remember anything at all...doesn't matter what. Can you tell me the last thing you remember?"
Phil blushes, pulling a blanket to cover half his face. "I...it's embarrassing...you wouldn't want to hear anything of that stuff."
"We know about you and Rosa," Abi says with a small smile. "Is that all you remember?"
Phil frowns. "Am I supposed to remember anything else?"
Suddenly, he winces visibly, softly groaning at the sudden pain in his head. Dan leans forward anxiously, hovering over the edge of the bed.
"Are you okay?" he asks. "Do you want us to call you a nurse or something?"
"S'fine," he slurs. "I...just have a headache."
Abi looks at the clock on the wall. "We can let you rest for a while. Rosa texted me on the way here — she wants to see you."
"Has she visited since I got here?" Phil asks eagerly, his eyes widening like a small puppy. Dan shook his head.
"We told her what happened after Detective Grants questioned her—"
"Questioned?" he cuts him off. "Why was she being questioned? She didn't do anything wrong."
"It's just a regular policy because she stayed with you for the night, remember?" Abi says gently, calming him down. "We know she did nothing wrong."
Suddenly, Phil doesn't know if he believes what he was saying anymore.
"I want to rest," he states bluntly. Dan nods.
"Of course," He awkwardly pats Phil's shoulder, "get some rest, buddy. We'll be right back when you wake up."
Phil nods, and lets sleep consume him. His vision darkens, but suddenly he is—
in his room. Why was he in his room? He was in the hospital, no? This must be some lucid dream or hallucination, because—
"Mm, Phil, yes," a delirious voice floated around him. He turns around at the noise and realizes that he was facing his bed, and a very naked Rosalina.
Was he cringing? He can feel himself cringe. It's like he was standing off scene, watching everything unfold — he knew what was happening, but he was a ghost to the action.
He heard himself groan, and that was it. He must've hit an orgasm or something, because that was it. He watches himself — past Phil? This was a memory he didn't recognize — walk past him into the washroom, a slight limp in his walk. He stumbles into the washroom, and he turns around to see Rosalina get out of bed and walk towards the bedside table.
'What is she doing?' he thinks.
Suddenly, she slips on black gloves and pulls something out of her pocket.
"N-No…" Did he say that? He felt like he said that.
Everything was speeding around him, and Rosalina was smiling, laughing at what she was doing. He could hear her thoughts in a silky voiced.
"An Advil became solidified morphine, and water became dissolved drugs, and a letter became a story, and rusty hearts became red—"
Phil wakes up in a break of sweat — that was a strange nightmare he had.
Nightmare. Was it a nightmare? His head was trying to rationalize everything he witnessed before they could erase from his memory. It must've been a nightmare because nothing made sense. Why would Rosalina drug him? Was she drugging him? His mind was racing with too many question, too many thoughts that didn't make sense, too many—
"Am I interrupting something?"
And when Phil looks up, he sees the cherry-red lips and a necklace with a heart-shaped charm. It must've been bronze when it was newer, but now, with age, it was a rusty—
"Red," he whispers, and it was enough.
…
"Dan, why are you calling at this time? I'm in the middle of a shift."
Dan's phone shakes in his unsteady hand, looking at the number written on the home plate in the photo, which was on every Tumblr post he scrolled by.
"A-Abi, they found us," he stutters, "and now everyone will—"
…
"So you know." Rosalina whispers with a smile he would never erase from his memory.
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