Chapter 60: Profound
Peeta returns to the apartment and Katniss' mother meets him at the door.
"She's in your room" her mother tells him. "I'll take the children out for a walk".
Peeta is grateful. Katniss won't hold back if she has something to say to him.
Peeta knocks on the door and doesn't receive a reply. He slowly turns the handle and walks in to find Katniss lying on the bed. She has her back to him and Peeta sits down beside her.
"Katniss…" he begins.
She ignores him.
"Katniss, we need to talk" Peeta tries again.
"There's nothing to talk about" she says.
"Yes, there is" Peeta insists. "We need to talk about what happened".
"You mean my reaction to Plutarch? And the fact you didn't react?!" Katniss is bitter.
"Katniss, I understand why you reacted. You know I do. I just react differently to some things. I am trying to look at the bigger picture and what we want to achieve with these Games. I don't care about Plutarch. He manipulated you and he will always use people for his own ends. That's why he is the perfect Gamemaker. I don't expect Plutarch to do the right thing by anyone, except himself. I see him for who he is and so I don't get caught up in the emotion of it all. He's not worth it" Peeta says.
"But, he lied to me. He lied to us! He let us believe Snow was dead and now Pik's deafness is a direct consequence of that!" says Katniss, her temper rising again.
"Even if we knew Snow was still alive, could we have stopped him? We might have taken more steps to protect ourselves, but I know you can't live like that. Plutarch's lie gave us what we needed to start again…a sense of security. We could never have moved on without that sense of being free of Snow and his threats. If we hadn't had that opportunity…"
Katniss has heard enough.
"I want you to feel my pain, Peeta!" Katniss pleads angrily with him. "I want you to feel it as deeply and as sorely as I do…for Pik, for Prim, for all of us! You have suffered too because of the lies Plutarch told".
"That lie allowed us move on, Katniss. It gave us the space we needed to begin again…rightly or wrongly".
Katniss has turned over and is looking at Peeta. She tries to absorb what he is saying. Katniss can't imagine not having the opportunity that Peeta is talking about…the one they needed to start again. She wonders how Peeta is able to see these things, which is so different to her own understanding. This is why she loves him. Peeta takes her outside of herself, gives her a different perspective, all the while accepting her for who she is. It's what she needs. It's just too painful to be Katniss Everdeen sometimes, with all the burdens she has to carry. Peeta is the one who helps to lighten the load. Throwing her the bread was just the first time Peeta would help to lift the weight from her shoulders.
"I love you, Peeta" she tells him.
Peeta's begins to desire Katniss again.
"I love you, too" he tells her as he takes her in his arms and holds her close. Peeta wants Katniss to know how much he loves her, how much he loves every part of her being. She is strong, proud and beautiful and she brings life to Peeta in a way he has never experienced before. She had from the moment he first saw her. Peeta wants to build on that moment again. He kisses Katniss, slowly, tenderly, waiting for her response. She has only one. It is the same response she had when Peeta had asked her "You love me, real or not real?" Katniss takes Peeta to herself realizing his understanding of her is as profound as his love for her. They need each other now more than ever.
Katniss' mother eventually returns with the children.
"Mama, Dada" Prim cries as she sees them.
"Primrose" Katniss says as she gives her a big hug.
They hear all the things Prim wants to tell them about her walk, how Grandma took them to the park and they fed the ducks. Pik is sleeping soundly in his pram and Katniss thanks her mother for taking the children out for a while. She thinks her mother might need a break and suggests she take some time for herself while they prepare dinner. Katniss' mother can see the couple have made their peace and is grateful to Peeta. He has a way with Katniss that eases so many of her concerns. The two of them are like fire and water. Katniss burns and Peeta quenches the flames, but never enough to douse them completely. Just enough to keep Katniss from being consumed.