disclaimer: i don't own dan or phil, nor do i own any social media references, music references, and whatever else you recognize. i do own my oc, abigail elizabeth woods :)
includes: nostalgia, if you look closely :')
Chapter 34: Bullet Holes
It's been a week.
Phil and Abi walk into a dark house, and when Phil flicks the light switch, Abi doesn't seem fazed at all upon seeing the mess — papers were on the ground, chairs were flipped over, the chandelier looked as if it was hanging on its last few chains, and there were bullet holes in the fabric of the pillows and in the walls.
"We can cover the holes with a painting or something," Phil blurts out. Abi looks at him coldly.
"It's our house, Phil," Abi says. "It's not like we are renting the place or anything."
Phil looks at his feet, avoiding eye contact. "I, um, just thought...you know, considering the current events, that you'd—"
"Not want to live here anymore?" Abi finishes for him, more harshly than she intended it to be. Phil's breath hitches, tapping his finger against the side of his leg nervously.
"She knows where...where we are," Phil says shakily. "I-I don't want...I don't want us to be in danger anymore. Or at least, you and Dan."
Abi sighs sympathetically, walking towards Phil and holding his shoulders firmly.
"She can't hurt us anymore," Abi reassures softly. "With all that has happened, I don't think she could hurt anyone. If you want to move, that's fine, but this is our home. And you know that home is where th—"
"I know," Phil cuts her off. "I...I don't know."
Abi nods, lowering her arms and began to pick papers and magazines off the ground and straightening them into a pile beside her. Phil helps her, moving to the open kitchen area to fix the dining chairs and putting them in their place. Abi frowns.
"Where's Striker?" she asks.
"With Louise," Phil answers seamlessly. He pauses and adds more hesitantly, "I, uh, know I should've told you, but after Rosa was arrested, I asked Louise to take care of him for the time being, since...you know."
"Yeah," Abi says, almost sad that the small dog wasn't trotting around the living room; as if he was the only thing keeping her at least little happy. "Yeah, that's a good call."
Phil looks at the bullet holes in the kitchen and stares at it. It's quiet in the house for a while, and Abi notices the gap of silence filling the room. She looks up at Phil, who had tears dribbling down his face. She quickly gets up and goes to the kitchen, wrapping Phil in a hug. She's on her toes, and they hurt, but that's fine — he was there, and he was alive.
"I'm so thankful that you're here," Abi says in his shoulder. "Have I ever told you that this week?"
Phil chuckles half-heartedly. "I'm more thankful that you are here. God knows what would've happened if Rosa...i-if she did something to you."
Phil pulls back, almost angry at what he said, and Abi instinctively flinches. Phil doesn't seem to notice, and Abi tries not to notice either.
"God I'm such an idiot," Phil says loudly, more tears running. His hand is in his hair and Abi, despite knowing where the frustration is coming from, backs away slowly. Now Phil notices, and sighs, lowering his hand.
"Sorry," he mumbles, and Abi nods, not saying anything else. Phil shakes his head.
"I'm sorry for everything," he continues. "I'm sorry for being stupid and falling in love with some random waitress I didn't know."
"Phil—"
"No, it was dumb," Phil cuts her off, sobbing. "None of this would've happened if I didn't let her into my life — into our life. I could've kept you both safe. I shouldn't have said a damn thing and broke her heart before she could break mine. I should've done something. I should've—"
"Phil." Her voice is firmer, and Phil stops talking. "Phil, you couldn't have done anything else."
"I was the one who fucked it up." His voice trembles. "I'm the one who screwed us all over. A-And now I ruined your life, and I ruined mine, and fuck I ruined Dan's."
Abi struggles to see the Phil she knew — the one with lights in his eyes and a "hey guys!" to throw whenever he could.
The one without the broken heart.
Phil's staring at the bullet holes again, and Abi sobs loudly, covering her mouth. It surprises Phil, his eyes darting towards her, but he melts and wraps her into her arms. They're close enough to hear each other's breaths.
"We can cover the holes with a painting or something," Abi whispers in his chest. "They won't be able to hurt you behind those."
Half the dishes are shattered, Abi notices.
"Do you want takeout?" Abi yells, sweeping all the broken dishes into the garbage. Phil jogs down the stairs in his pj pants, and stops halfway when he realizes that the house is somewhat neater than it was a few hours ago.
"Um, sure," he replies half-heartedly, slowly walking down the rest of the stairs. "Did you clean this place up by yourself?"
"I mean, you did take upstairs," Abi says modestly, giving him a small smile. Phil chuckles.
"She barely touched upstairs," he says, almost sadly. Abi looks at him for a brief second before nodding, looking down and grabbing the phone off the kitchen counter.
As she talks mindlessly with the Chinese delivery guy on the phone, she can't help but watch Phil pace around the lounge lifelessly. She hastily hangs up after ordering their regular meal, and softly places the phone back down on the counter.
"Phil?" Her voice prompts Phil to lift his head up and look at her. She sighs sympathetically, slowly walking to the lounge and sitting down, gently leading Phil beside her.
"Do you want to talk?" Abi asks quietly. Phil avoids eye contact.
"There's not much to talk about," Phil replies, trying to keep his voice levelled, as if he wasn't going to cry in front of her again. "I...I'm just feeling...things."
Abi blinks, confused for a split second, but says, "That's okay. I don't see why you wouldn't be."
"There's just so much that could've been different," Phil confesses, putting Abi's hands in his lap softly. "I should've just kept her out of our life. I know how I am with love; I'm not good at it."
He pauses and adds, "I should've just kept you out of our life."
Abi stares at Phil, less hurt than confused. "Y-You...pardon?"
"I should've told Dan 'no'." Phil's voice is shaking. "He thought you were a game changer, and I should've just...I-I should've just called bullshit. It would've kept you out of this all, and you wouldn't be here and you would have a life you deserved."
"Phil, I would've been dead." Phil closes his eyes and sighs.
"You could've been dead here."
"But I'm not," Abi says, squeezing his hands softly. "Phil, that decision saved me. I would've had nothing if it wasn't for you guys."
Phil nods. Abi gently cups his cheek and faces him towards her.
"Phil, I love you," she whispers. "I wouldn't have had things any other way than they are right now."
He remains silent. Abi sighs, lowering her hand from Phil's face.
"Is there anything you'd like me to do?" Phil looks at her, and sighs.
"While I don't like guilt-tripping people," he says, "you know what I'd wish you would do."
Abi's smile suddenly fades.
"Phil," she says warningly. Phil shakes his head.
"Please see him, at least," Phil says. Abi sighs, letting her hands slip out of Phil's and stands up, leaving Phil on the couch alone.
"Abi," he calls after her. She walks to the kitchen, trying to ignore him. "Abi, you have to go see him eventually. I know it is hard, but—"
"But what, Phil," Abi snaps. "I don't want to. End of conversation."
"Why don't you want to, Abi?" Phil's voice was bridging on the edge of desperation and frustration, and it frustrated Abi to a point which she felt nervous tears dribble down her cheeks. "You have to see him."
"I can't see someone else I love die," Abi finally says, turning around and facing Phil. "I know no one around me has, like, really died, but they all escaped. My mum died in the hands of someone who is dead to me. I can't see someone die, I-I just can't—"
"He's not dead," Phil says firmly, "but Abi, you don't know if he will be."
Abi stares at him, letting herself soak in the silence.
The doorbell rings, and Abi half-expects it to be him.
"Takeout," she whispers, backing up slowly and heading towards the stairs. "Help yourself."
She disappears upstairs for a split second and then comes back down; she's changed in clothes that she could wear outside and get stares, holding a tattered book in her hands. She slips flip-flops over her socks and pushes past a startled Phil and the delivery man.
" 'If there's ever comes a day where we can't be together'," Abi whispers shakily, holding a pale hand in an empty hospital room, " 'keep me in your heart'."
Abi wipes a tear from her cheek, watching as Dan's expression doesn't change, like it usually did when she read the story.
" 'I'll stay there forever'," Abi reads slowly, closing the book with the initials 'A.W' written on the front page of her old childhood book.
And when she closes it, she cries.
It's been a week.
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