I do not own anything. I'm just translating. The characters belong to the great J.K. Rowling. The story belongs to the amazing Brigi. Her e-mail: tbwtpbe [et] hotmail com
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THE BOY WITH THE PIERCING BLUE EYES
Chapter 44 – Unpleasant things
Surviving emotionally the next couple of weeks was more difficult than Harry could have imagined. He walked around with a gloomy face, and it would have been difficult to plaster a happy smile on his scarred and bruised skin. The barely healing wounds started to itch and it was getting impossible to not scratch them. These and the bruises made it clear to everyone that he was part of the fight so most people looked at him shyly and with respect as he walked by. He didn't look at them while trying to reach the classroom and hoping not to see Sirius.
The overwhelming sense of failure that lived inside him made it impossible to show any kind of appreciation for life. If people didn't gossip about how incredibly real the Dark Lord was, then they talked about 'the boy who fought with him'. Harry wanted to add 'again' to that sentence or that 'we still didn't kill each other' but realized that it was only his own bitterness talking.
He knew himself; his vanity could hardly deal with his defeat. He always felt depressed about losing a Quidditch match so how could anyone think that loosing in a duel so important won't eat away at him?
Guilt was his constant companion even though Ron and Hermione told him a million times that it wasn't his fault. The girl tried to help him by saying that Voldemort was an experienced wizard who had his seventy years to gather a knowledge that could save him in an attack this powerful too. Ron didn't have such wisdom but Harry didn't mind; the presence and endless confidence his friend showed was more than enough support.
His two faithful companions however weren't aware of the shock his soul suffered. It wasn't easy to prepare to take away someone's life and the fact that it still lingered above his head was even worse. A duel without stake was different than knowing one of them will have to die at the end. He felt like a monster and an outcast because of his task.
He tried to conceal these thoughts since Ron had enough problems on his own. His siblings were still recuperating and it weighted on the whole family. The mood was lightened somewhat by the fact that Caramel, succumbing to the pressure of the public, gave a generous amount of capital to help rebuild their house. Mrs. Weasley gave thanks for the money that was enough to easily finish the work.
The Slytherins, Pansy and Nott didn't fail to mention that they could have rebuilt that mouse hole with half of that money since the original house was so small that several of the siblings slept in the same room. Ron wanted to curse them – not forgetting the fact that they openly fought against them – however, his father stopped him in time.
"It builds character to rise above our ill-wishers even if there is some truth in their words," he said feeling a little ashamed.
According to Hermione, there was nothing wrong with living in a small house which made Ron happy. The girl said that if the family lives in a small place than the bonds and the love between them is much stronger.
"It's something those idiots will never understand or experience," she said.
Harry was happy for his friend to find such a strong support in the girl since his attempts at consolation failed mercilessly lately. He didn't feel capable of giving comfort like before and it was getting increasingly difficult to deal with the pity everyone felt for him.
His wounds were visible fore weeks even with Madame Pomfrey's healing. The cuts and bruises on his face were the ones that triggered compassion in his fellow students; they often didn't even notice that he was still limping or that he couldn't raise his arms high. One time, during class someone started screaming; he was reading up his essay he wrote for Binns' class when blood started leaking from under the bandage on his head. First, he didn't understand what the source of the panic was until Hermione ran to him and wiped the blood from his temple.
He wanted to disappear for a few days, become invisible, and slip by them without hearing whispering and feeling eyes on him. There were times he put on his invisibility cloak and put his hands in his pocket as he walked around avoiding prying eyes.
On a warmer, early summer Sunday afternoon, he walked just like that, hiding as he made his way towards the library to take a few books to Ginny to the Hospital Wing. The girl still couldn't get out of bed, but the OWLs were approaching so she had to study there. Her classmates and friends visited her every chance they got and Luna copied the lessons with a spell for her. The thick Potions and Herbology books weighted down on Harry's shoulder when he saw Lamerin a few feet ahead, peeking at the corner and waving his wand.
"Who are you trying to curse?" he asked unexpectedly.
The young Snape winced and searched for the source of the sound in fear.
"It's just me," Harry remembered to remove his cloak.
"Hah, Merlin! I thought you were someone else!"
They both peeked out and saw Sirius stomping helplessly on barefoot and without pants. He ran to and fro as if searching for his lost belonging. Harry grimaced and furrowed his brows.
"What's with him?"
"You'll see," Lamerin whispered in a hateful voice and pointed his wand at him.
However, the man noticed him at that moment.
"That damn kid!" he snapped and started running towards them.
The two boys looked at each other and started to run, however, there were no classrooms nearby to hide in.
"Quickly!" Harry pushed him to the ground and threw the cloak on him so Lamerin became invisible.
He still had time to kneel down; he pretended to fiddle with his shoelaces but realized too late that his school shoes didn't have laces. He straightened when Sirius turned the corner breathlessly and almost ran over him.
"Harry…!" he gasped. "Where… where…! Have you seen that damn Snape-kid? I'm going to kill him!"
"He went that way," he pointed towards the direction he came from.
The boy leaned against the wall and looked at him.
"I see you had to get ready in a haste. Don't you think it's inappropriate to wear so few clothes?"
"Because that little wench took my clothes!" Sirius snapped at him furiously like never before.
"He would never do that," Harry said quietly. "Unless…"
"Oh, he would! He's just like his father!"
"…he has a good reason. And yes, fortunately, he's just like his father. A good and decent man."
"You think putting someone in this position is decent?"
Harry didn't answer just turned his head away.
"What happened to you? You won't ever believe me again? Trust me?" he touched the boy's face while speaking sadly.
"I have eyes and I saw what happened! There is nothing to explain! I know what it feels like to yearn for a woman after such a long time and…"
"You don't even know what you're talking about!" Sirius shook his head with a half-grin feeling a little perplexed; he had never talked about girls and women with his godson before. "There is nothing…"
He rubbed his hands for the third time since they started talking because it felt like something was poking it. He couldn't see that Lamerin was poking him from under the cloak to annoy him.
"What the…?!"
The man accidentally touched the wand and gripped it. Lamerin pushed him and threw the cloak off before running away. Sirius swore as he got up off the ground. He started at Harry who grinned then took off after Snape.
"Stop! I'll give you one hell of an Evanesca!"
Sirius Black was subject to similar incident quite often in the future, of course without the knowledge of Professor Snape. Lamerin was wise enough not to tell his father about his little pranks.
The man was rather weak, due to the constant strain his body had to bear throughout the second half of the school year. First, the chase after Bellatrix weakened him and now the recovery of Voldemort's curse. Had he been in a better condition, he would have gotten healthy faster, but now that he had lost quite a lot of weight, it took some time to gather his strength. As soon as he was able, he returned to his office and even though he had no strength to teach, he tried to preform his duties as the Head of Slytherin.
He found the first day back in the office frightening as he opened the door to the neglected room and saw his desk packed with letters and packages that made him want to turn around and close the door. His students, mostly first years, sent him their good wishes but the most surprising was when he found the first message of a Hufflepuff. He sat in amazement in front of the desk filled with sweets and despite his grim mood, he couldn't stop from smiling. The students themselves visited him quite often with the dumbest excuses; things he would have sent them away with immediately in the past, but in his current state he had to stay calm.
He returned to teaching too but his strength left him on the first day. He taught while leaning on the table or sitting and even though he told his students that he was alright, they didn't fail to notice how pale he became.
Hermione, as a prefect, immediately reported the incident to the Headmaster and Harry found himself agreeing with her; they all thought the professor would cause more harm than good with being there.
So Dumbledore ordered Snape back into his room where the visitors and good wishes kept going. The man stayed away from the group meals and asked the elves to bring food to his chamber. At first, Lamerin spent all his time with him, but when the man told him not to stay in their room all the time, he relented and dined with his friends sometimes.
Lamerin avoided group meals because he didn't want to run into Black. He suspected that after the last prank, the Headmaster was told of his behavior so he stayed clear of all teachers. However, he didn't know that Dumbledore had a similarly mischievous soul and didn't want to get in-between the strife between Blacks and Snapes. He treated both parties as adults and decided not to mess with their affairs.
Sirius sat on his right at every meal – it was necessary in order to reassure the students, since the Minister still hadn't dropped the charges officially – but they didn't dare do serious harm to each other in front of everyone. However, the dancing drumsticks and tableware made it difficult to eat. Black tended to play his own pranks after a fried fish started singing in his plate and the wine boiled in his cup every time he looked at it. Once, when the elves wanted to serve delicious steaks, he went down to the kitchen and persuaded them to participate in a little tasteless prank. When the feast appeared in front of the students, Lamerin found on his plate a roasted rabbit with a letter in its mouth saying 'I loved you, Master. Pan. Enjoy your meal!'.
The boy almost started crying but Lavender was faster; she burst into tears since she also had one at home. Lamerin flashed a murderous gaze towards the teachers' table where Sirius waved with a sheepish smile. Dreading the truth, he stood up and ran to his room to see if his beloved pet was alright. The Gryffindor students laughed loudly when they saw the message.
Even Harry sometimes smiled at their foolish fights, but that didn't change his attitude. He didn't help Lamerin but also didn't try to stop him. There were other things on his mind; including the year-end exams and the last two games of the Quidditch season. The latter was postponed by the teachers due to the tragic events but Dumbledore thought the students should decide and they wanted to have the matches. Since there was the accident during the Slytherin - Raveclaw game and the Ravenclaw – Hufflepuff game ended with little difference in points, the Gryffindor was first rank. The Slytherin didn't like this but they had to pull themselves together to beat the equally ambitious Hufflepuff in order to get near Gryffindor. Stebbins and his team had great hopes of beating Gryffindor since their famous Seeker and best Chaser were both injured in the battle in March. Ginny found it disgusting that they want to take advantage of the situation and was angry at her own helplessness; she was in no condition to sit on a broom so Harry had to find a replacement quickly.
He went to beg McGonagall again to let her play Mark Zamberg, expecting their Head of House to make an exception after all that happened. The thin, blond boy was even a natural in Madame Hoch's opinion. McGonagall wasn't a lenient teacher but the team's situation and Madame Hooch's recommendation eventually persuaded her to allow it. She told the other three Heads of Houses and the Quidditch captains and waited for their reactions. Chambers and Bradley, the captains of the Hufflepuff and Ravenclaw didn't like the idea, especially because the one who asked for it was also privileged and allowed to play as a first year. Malfoy was silent the whole time and looked at his Head of House from time to time to find Snape resting one hand on the table but he was actually holding on to it so as not to fall over. The man looked back at him with pity when their eyes met and at those times Draco's face showed profound shame.
"I don't understand what your problem is," Harry clasped his hands together. "He's just a child… Bradley, you're maybe twice as heavy as him. I doubt you'd have such a disadvantage because of him. It would be a miracle if he could hold the Quaffle."
"If you're not confident in his abilities, then why do you want him to play? Why don't you hold another tryout?"
"Because there is no time to train a totally new student… Mark trained with us many times, so he knows the team."
"I still don't like this," the Ravenclaw captain said.
"Then vote, I don't care!" Harry exclaimed impatiently when he saw the teachers looking at each other.
"Well then…" Professor Flitwick started, "Who votes for Mark Zam…"
"Zamberg, Filius" McGonagall nodded.
"…oh, thank you, dear Minerva, then… who votes for him to be allowed to play? Hands up!"
"Harry, you can't vote!" Chambers snapped.
"If I'm correct…" McGonagall started, "…it's two against one to let Mr. Zamberg play this season."
Harry saw that the Hufflepuff captain only raised his hand bored because he didn't care now that they had no chance of winning. The other one with a hand up was Malfoy, which surprised him.
"Well… thank you," he said goodbye and returned to the common room to share the good news with the others.
Harry and Ron were almost late to the Slytherin – Hufflepuff match. They made a detour to the washroom where they just disturbed the romp of two Hogwarts ghosts. The Ravenclaw's ghost, Lady Grey flew through them and was soon followed by the Quidditch field's ever constant ghost, Edgar Clogg. The boys grinned while doing their business then ran towards the field where they could already hear the cheering crowd. Confetti and paper flags flew everywhere.
"And… ELEANOR BRANSTONE SCORES AGAIN! Sixty – twenty to HUFFLEPUFF!" Dean Thomas shouted.
"We are really late," Ron said as they joined the rest.
"What did we miss?" Harry asked Hermione.
"Not much… Zach isn't playing well; you know he was injured the last time. So Chambers is making the others take the Quaffle…"
"Chambers should go look for the Snitch instead," Ron grimaced.
"And the Slytherin?"
"Malfoy found it before but then it got away."
"SIXTY-THIRTY! Culverton, I admit, that was great…" Dean roared.
"Draco should get the Snitch already…" Harry muttered. "I don't want any team to get close to us. We could lose now that Ginny isn't playing. I'm afraid Mark will be nervous…
At the end, the match ended with the Slytherin barely winning; Malfoy managed to catch the Snitch at least once in the season. The arrogant William Stebbins, the Hufflepuff Seeker, ran back to the locker room without a word before Madame Hooch said so. He was very upset. Draco's face didn't show satisfaction but he blushed when Snape congratulated him.
The man didn't stay long to celebrate with his team before running back to the dungeons. He blamed it on his weakened body but he was simply running away from Black and Rowena. He couldn't stand their humiliating glances or them holding hands… maybe even kiss…
The woman tired to talk to him several times but he didn't open the door. Leaning against the wall, he listened from the inside to the woman's first sad than angry words of stubbornness but he had no strength to face her. So the professor tried to ask for Lamerin's help but he kept lying that his father was sleeping or resting.
Harry avoided Professor Dareling's class. Despite Hermione's persistent begging he always ran off when they had to go to DADA lessons. Ron supported the boycott but wasn't able to join due to his girlfriend dragging him to the classroom. Harry missed a lot of classes and when he was there he didn't work like before. He didn't raise his hand or hand in any assignments unless ordered. His behavior made the woman's work much more difficult.
At the end, out of the three of them only Sirius appeared at the last game of the season where the Gryffindor and Ravenclaw played against each other.
"Welcome to the last match of the season!" Dean said and his voice could be heard everywhere. "Today…"
Harry looked around. On the stands, he only saw Remus who was very dear to him. The man held Tonks' hand. She stood there looking pale and her hair missed the usual vibrant color. He could see that they were quietly talking and nodding from time to time before turning their attention back to the game since the noise was becoming too loud.
"Mark Zamberg, who's debuting today, has the Quaffle! The talented boy was scouted by Potter and is replacing Ginny Weasley who can't play due to her injuries! He managed to score once already. AND HERE'S THE SECOND ONE! FIFTY – NOTHING TO GRYFFINDOR!"
"Apparently, Bradley made the wrong decision regarding this boy," Cho stopped in front of Harry.
The boy didn't even notice her on the field. He cocked an eyebrow.
"He'll be even better next year. Though you won't be here to see him beat your team!"
The blood drained from her face.
"Hum lun, see-feut!" she hissed and flew off.
Harry didn't have time to think about what she said though he suspected it wasn't nice. Veronica scored and Ron stopped two attempts while he was thinking. It was time to search for the Snitch…
However, he saw tiny white spots when Mandy's Bludger hit him on the back. He slipped off the broom and barely managed to catch it before falling.
The crowed screamed and waited with their breath held.
"Potter's a hair's breadth from death!" Dean shouted standing on the edge of the platform to see everything. "Will he succeed in making it back on the broom? If not, it would mean that he has to leave the field and without him the team…"
"…can't win!" Hermione whispered while looking at the boy terrified.
Harry tried to pull himself up but his muscles failed him; they were still numb from the collision with the Bludger. He was dangling there for a while before he noticed the next Bludger going his way.
"It's unfair! Madame Hooch!" he shouted in anger as the ball flew between his legs.
Andrew and Jack rushed to him to stop the two Ravenclaw girls from sending the ball his way. Madame Hooch blew her whistle and the Gryffindor got a free shot. Meanwhile, Harry flew to one of the planks and climbed back onto the broom before flying back and watched Mark. The boy scored; the Quaffle flew past Dick Summers' flailing hands and the game continued.
Hermione with Seamus started a revenge operation against the Ravenclaw players; they threw paper balls and spat on them as they flew past them. The tiny balls were too small for the teachers to notice but big enough to disturb them. Ron was very grateful because after Harry, the Budgers started attacking him and thanks to them he let two Quaffles pass the loops. Everyone was satisfied with his performance though. Harry felt it was important to end the game before it got more violent. He saw the Snitch everywhere, because the setting sun reflected on everything so he didn't know where to go.
"CHO CHANG'S FLYING AFTER THE SNITCH!" Dean shouted.
Harry knew there was no other way of finding the Snitch. He raced after the girl and quickly caught up to her thanks to his Firebolt.
"Get lost, Potter! This is my Snitch!"
The boy however, didn't care who saw the ball first. He flew next to Cho and leaned on the broom to increase his speed. They mage a half-circle in front of the Hufflepuff stands and he got in front. His long robes were flapping in Cho's face. Harry lunged forward excitedly as if wanting to jump off the broom and chased the small Snitch as a predator. He made a victory lap with the small golden ball in his hand and the crowd roared.
"HARRY POTTER CAUGHT THE SNITCH! TWO HUNDRED SIXTY TO THITRY! THIS YEAR'S WINNER IS GRYFFINDOW! GOOD JOB, BOYS AND GIRLS!"
Sirius proudly stood and clapped though he was sad for not being able to share this with the boy. The pain must have shone on his face because Tonks walked up to him and took his hand while Remus patted his shoulder gently.
"He was really good, right?" Sirius asked. "He flies just as well as James did! It's like seeing him again…!"
The woman and his friend hugged him suddenly but he already knew it was time to do something… something drastic to set things right…
In the Gryffindor Tower the celebration lasted until three in the morning. The new Chaser earned the respect of the others and Harry unofficially promised him to make room for him in the team next year. When McGonagall instructed them to go to bed, Harry and Ron took the invisibility cloak and slipped into the Hospital Wing to see Ginny and take her sweets and Butterbear to not feel left out.
"Take a seat, Harry," Remus invited the boy in with a smile. "I hope your back is better now."
"Better," he sat down suspiciously, afraid of getting a lecture on his unspeakable behavior regarding Sirius. "Fortunately… You look a lot better too."
Lupin, as usual, smiled humbly from under his graying hair and poured some tea for the both of them. There was something incredibly sad in his posture that Harry couldn't explain. His hands weren't shaking and there were no tears in his eyes but it was clear something was troubling him.
"Is there something wrong, Remus?" he asked gently.
The man looked up and his hands stopped in mid air as he held the jug. Before he could ask what the boy had meant, Harry continued.
"Or… is it something I can't know about? Don't worry, I'm not going to use Legilimency if you don't want me to know…"
Remus peered curiously at the boy clutching his robes and watched him sympathetically. He smiled.
"Come here," he motioned for the boy to sit beside him.
Harry quickly kicked his shoes off and snuggled under his arm. They leaned against the soft cushions of the couch. Lupin's dreamy gaze lingered on the ceiling then slowly slid to the boy.
"I almost… almost… became a father," he admitted.
Harry began to squirm in his surprise.
"Are you… serious? Marauder's honor?" he paled.
"Your father used to say that too," the professor closed his eyes. "Yes, it's true…"
"And… what happened?" Harry continued and felt the lump in his stomach moving up into his throat.
"Well…" Lupin bowed his head. "Tonks was injured in Hogsmeade when… we fought."
Something snapped inside Harry and a wave of sadness washed over him. He felt like a boneless, shapeless figure on the couch. He had never experience this form of mourning. He closed his eyes as he remembered the hysterical Tonks in the Hospital Wing.
"I'm so sorry…" he whispered. "Are… you okay?"
"Of course," Remus stroked his head. "She went to a Muggle doctor now."
"And… does that mean," Harry sat up a bit relieved. "… that you'll… have a baby… in the future?"
He saw Remus was embarrassed and smiled awkwardly. He hugged him tightly.
"I'm so happy for you! Finally… you'll have a family too! You won't have to be alone anymore. When… when I grow up and can leave the Dursleys, I'll visit you often and… everything will be fine. It will!"
"Don't say that…" the man chuckled. "You're scaring me…"
"I'll protect you," Harry said flippantly.
"I've been thinking about… what it was like when you were little. What it feels like to hold a baby in my arms."
"Did we play a lot, you and me?"
"Well, I mostly got you when you started screaming…" Remus admitted laughing. "James and Sirius were the ones who always played with you… quite dangerous games…"
"I must have been a terrible baby…"
"I'm sure no one ever told you about those months… No, you weren't terrible at all. Just like any other baby. Sirius felt like a child with you… just like how he wants now," Lupin said in a strange, mischievous tone.
Harry didn't reply. As time passed, he felt that his treatment of his godfather wasn't fair, and since the man started to reciprocate his sullen behavior, he knew that the last opportunity to make things right passed.
"I don't know what to do, Remus…" he said bitterly. "I'm confused. Are adult matters always so complicated?" the teacher looked up.
"And worse…"
Harry sighed.
"Sometimes I wish I would never grow up…"
"Do you want me to talk to him… for you?"
"I can't ask you that… you have enough problems… without me…"
"It's not a problem for me… but I don't like this situation. We got this second chance from life and I can't let him be separate from everyone… We belong together, we Marauders. You, Sirius, me…"
Harry wanted to add 'and Snape' but knew it would be too much. So he quietly hummed…