I do not own anything. I'm just translating. The characters belong to the great J.K. Rowling. The story belongs to the amazing Brigi. Her e-mail: tbwtpbe [et] hotmail com

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THE BOY WITH THE PIERCING BLUE EYES

Chapter 45 – "I want it too…" (part 1)

Warnings: violence, swearing, drug use

Snape returned to his classroom at the end of the year which was welcomed by happy students for the first time in his career. Professor Honeybourne, who became a very moody individual in the previous weeks, made their lives difficult. The man, whose role as an observer from the Ministry was clear to Harry, taught Snape's classes angrily. The children suspected that he and the Ministry weren't happy about the teachers and the students knowing so many spells against dark wizards and their suspicion that Umbridge created strengthened; Dumbledore had a powerful and young army at his disposal.

Honeybourne was almost as unfair to them as Snape used to be and it showed in their marks. Even Hermione worried because according to the man her performance was only Exceeding Expectations even though she always had Outstandings at the end of each year. She worried so much that Ron started avoiding her; his biggest worry was to avoid failing a class or two.

They put their hope in Snape so Harry decided to find out what was going on with the man.

On a particularly nice day, while most ran out with blankets and brooms, he walked down the dark dungeons. The Slytherin corridors were amazingly cool even during summer. On the gaps the cold air blew through and the sound was making Harry's ears hurt. He rubbed them and hurried his steps.

Reaching his destination, he knocked on Snape's door but didn't get an answer so he knocked again and leaned on the door. He put his ear on the oak door and waited.

For seconds, nothing happened. He felt his heartbeat quickening and his worry increased for the man's wellbeing. He shivered at the thought of finding their professor dead, in a pool of blood or hanging from the ceiling…

Suddenly, the door opened with a loud creak. He was so deep in thought that he lost his balance and nearly fell over. The professor caught him by the shoulder. Harry looked up.

On his face, an unusual tender expression appeared with a slight smile and a light peach-colored blush. His eyes shined kindly and he held him gently with his long hands.

What could have happened? After all… his heart was broken not too long ago; he should feel humiliated and devastated. He locked himself in and no one knew anything about him! And he clearly lost weight… But why was he smiling?

"Pr-professor…" he groaned at last.

"Are you alright?" the man asked. His eyes twinkled friendly just like Hagrid's always did. Harry nodded jerkily and felt ashamed for being clumsy.

"Am I… disturbing? Can I come in?"

The man opened the door wider to let him pass.

"Of course."

The corridor serving as hall led him to a living room. Harry cleared his throat.

"Lamerin?"

"He's sleeping."

"Oh. Well…"

"Do you want something to drink?"

The boy didn't answer just stood there in surprise.

"What kind of Englishman are you?" Snape asked with a grin. "In troubled times, one always drinks tea… Bad habit… but undoubtedly useful. Do you want some?" he turned around.

Harry smiled.

"Yes. Thank you."

The man's gaze somewhat eased the lump in his stomach and Harry felt his soul settle at his words.

"Sit down," the professor motioned towards one of the comfortable looking chairs with his long fingers.

Harry put his bag down by the chair and adjusted his clothes before sitting down awkwardly.

"I know why you came," Snape said in a mysterious voice as he heated up water in the kettle with the move of his wand and looked back at him.

His student found his every move very vampire-like. Graceful, and mysterious. Even after having his heart stepped on, he still behaved with the noble elegance of his Pureblood nature. Harry wished to be like that sometimes.

"And you shouldn't have."

"What?" Harry shook his head a little puzzled.

"Come here to apologize," he continued as he levitated the tray to the table. The silver plate landed without a sound and the kettle poured water into both cups on its own. The smell of tea made Harry feel relaxed while the hot steam made sweat appear on his forehead and his vision blurred.

"Actually… I don't know what I should say," he sighed but didn't take his eyes off of the cups.

Snape sipped his tea with a lazy smile and watched Harry with snake-like eyes. Harry couldn't shake the feeling that there was something else in their drinks; a sedative or narcotic drug… Not caring about it, he sipped the drink. He would have taken anything that would distract him from his problems. Was that how Snape preserved his own sanity too?

The scent slowly filled the entire room. Harry felt the mixture of rosehip, hibiscus and citrus on his lips with more unknown aromas floating in the air. Snape's outline sometimes blurred in front of him then it became clear again but he felt his senses were perhaps shaper than ever before.

"What's in it?" he asked happily but somewhat calmly.

The Potions Master answered with a sly smile.

"Don't think about that now…"

"I knew it was something illegal… It calms me down…" Harry closed his eyes.

Snape watched him curiously, feeling satisfied with the boy's reaction. He didn't want anything but peace around himself.

"Whatever happened…" Harry continued. "…I don't want you to be angry with me. After all… Sirius is my godfather…"

"I'm not angry with you. But I don't want you not talking to… him."

"But…!" the boy slammed his cup down.

Snape winced at the sound and the notion of the cup breaking.

"I'm sorry… but… how can you be so calm?"

"Someday, maybe you'll understand that one can't handle everything with childish vehemence. Adults… settle things differently…" Snape said though he eyed the carped sadly.

"I thought it will be okay finally… There will be no more bickering. He should be thankful," Harry muttered thinking of Sirius. "Without Bellatrix…"

"It pains me to say this," Snape leaned forward in his chair. "…but your godfather had been ungrateful before and will be the same it seems. This… can't be changed…"

His student stared ahead unhappily.

"Aren't you… sad?" he asked finally.

"There are no words to describe the pain currently raging in my heart," the man admitted with trembling eyes.

The uncomfortable tightness returned to Harry's stomach.

"Do you remember when I told you why I wouldn't let my father turn me into ta vampire?"

The boy nodded.

"Immortals suffer forever. A human spirit goes through many hardships in a lifetime. Countless heartbreaks. I saw in on my mother how difficult it was to handle the pain… I wouldn't be able to live with the misfortune my family has to suffer for centuries. That… would make me more bitter…" he stopped for a moment. "Now… I feel the same way… If I had to live forever, the weight of what happened would crush me. But now, that I know it will end someday…"

He stopped when he noticed how glazed Harry's eyes became. He didn't really want to see the boy crying. Somehow that was still uncomfortable for him.

Harry however, seemed more dazed than on the verge of tears.

"You're tired, right?"

The boy nodded and slowly leaned back in his chair. Snape put his cup down and approached him. He took his student's cup before it spilled onto his clothes and covered Harry with a blanket to let him sleep.

Lamerin yawned as he stumbled out of his room.

"Dad?"

He didn't receive an answer or heard moving from the man's room so he opened the door.

He found the fire crackling in the fireplace and saw hands dangling from the chairs on each side of the small coffee table.

He slowly walked closer and saw Harry sleeping deeply in one and his father in the other.

The professor's right hand reached the ground as he fell asleep in an uncharacteristically sloppy pose. The beautiful cup lay there with its contents spilled on the carpet. However, he seemed peaceful in his sleep. He had been different in the last couple of days than he had been ever since they started living together again. He was a completely different person. He was gentle and nice even though they all knew the pain was eating him inside. He suspected, that loosing his lover shifted his attention back to his primary duties; loving and bringing up his son.

Lamerin knelt down on the left side of the chair and watched him. There were times when his father did the same and guarded his dreams like he was still a baby. He knew that now, the man needed to be taken care of more.

As much as he wanted to let him sleep, he had to wake him. He gently stroked his cheek. The professor moved his head, turned to the side and slowly opened his eyes. He smiled when he saw his son.

"Thank god…" the bow whispered. "When I find you like this, I'm always scared that you poisoned yourself…"

Snape smiled wearily and ruffled his son's hair.

"It's time for dinner… I thought I should wake you…"

"Thank you…" the man leaned forward and shook his fuzzy head. "I should stop doing this…"

"You gave some to Harry too?" his son grinned.

"He was out in less than five minutes…"

Lamerin chuckled.

"He'll get used to it…"

"No more of that stuff from today."

"You said that yesterday too."

"No, I mean it today!"

"We'll see…"

"It's not funny. We can't get addicted… Wake Harry up!"

His son obeyed and gently poked the sleeping boy's shoulder.

"Wh… what… Where am I?"

"You're a bit dazed…" his friend said. "You'll feel better soon. Open your eyes."

"Lame…rin…" Harry moaned. "What happened?"

"You and Dad fell asleep…"

Harry glanced across the table where Snape waved at him.

"From the tea? Cool…"

The two Snapes snorted in amusement.

"I want some more!"

"No more!" Snape stood up with a strict expression. "I meant what I said. No more of that tea from now on! Harry, get up…"

"…and walk!" Lamerin joked.

"Let's just go to have dinner, alright?"

The three of them walked along the Slytherin corridor and Harry seamed unusually alert and active. With his behavior he was getting on the professor's nerves who still had a headache. He's written it off as something caused by the tea.

"Oh, oh, I have to go!" the boy whimpered as they passed in front of a toilet. "You coming?" he asked Lamerin.

The older boy shrugged and followed a little uncertainly.

Snape sighed and leaned against the wall like a student. He wasn't even wearing his robes now though his attire was more than elegant without it. He started wearing black clothes again but the beautiful buttons and embroideries gave him a noble look. In addition, without his robes he looked much younger too.

As he bowed his head and looked at the floor, some longer locks of his hair fell forward. He no longer needed James Potter's hair-extending curse; the black locks reached under his shoulder already. The ones that would have disturbed him were held back by a golden buckle, a precious gift from his son.

He heard footsteps approaching and turned that way lazily. His expression didn't change, only his eyes narrowed a little when he saw Sirius and Rowena turning the corner. The woman stopped and didn't know what to say or do when she saw him while Sirius looked rather surprised.

"What are you doing here?" he asked incredulously. It seemed to him that the professor was leaning against the wall there with no reason.

"I'm standing in line," he replied without looking at them.

Just then, Sirius noticed the toilet door.

"The teachers have their own restrooms."

"How well-informed you are…" Snape sighed visibly bored.

"Have you seen Harry?"

"You lost him?"

"We have to talk! Enough of this…"

At that moment, the restroom's door opened and two cheerful kids stepped out while shaking their wet hands.

"And Dudley stood there completely naked!" Harry said then stopped when he saw who was standing there. His expression changed. "What are you doing here? Important people like you," he cast a withering glance at Professor Dareling. "…have their own restrooms."

"Stop it!" Sirius grabbed his arm angrily. "Don't be childish!"

"I'm still a child!"

However, the man's fingers clutched his arm tightly and forcibly dragged him away.

"Let me go! It hurts!"

He glanced desperately at the Snapes but they just stood stunned and watched them. Lamerin looked pleadingly at his father but the man shook his head.

"It HURTS!" Harry yelled.

"Sirius!" Remus shouted from down the hall when he saw them fighting. "What are you doing?!"

He ran to them and recued the boy from Black's angry grip. Harry hid beside his friend like a frightened animal but sent a wicked grin towards Sirius.

"You'll be left alone… If you behave like this, you'll loose your last friend… All because of your ungratefulness!"

"Severus, why didn't you stop them?" Lupin snapped at him.

"I don't want to get involved. It's not my habit to tear people apart…"

He watched Black like he wanted to kill him with his eyes. Everyone on the corridor understood the not so subtle hint.

Remus shook his head and turned to Harry.

"Are you alright?" he stroked his cheek.

Harry tried to stay confidant, not wanting Sirius to think he was weak, but a few tears appeared in his eyes from how hard the man gripped his arm.

"Let me see…" Remus rolled up his sleeve and hissed upon seeing the angry red marks of five fingers on the boy's skin.

"It hurts…" Harry pretended.

"I know…"

Sirius looked ashamed when he saw what he did.

"Harry, I… didn't mean to…"

"Come, I'll take you to Madame Pomfrey. And you, Sirius; if I see you treating Harry this way again, I'll take you to the headmaster. I never thought… after all these years… you would tread James' child like this…"

"I didn't mean to hurt him! He just won't listen to me!"

"What did you expect? That you can order me around after this?!" Harry snapped. "We didn't help with the spell for you to behave like this!" he pointed at Rowena.

"Harry," Severus said. "Stop it, please. This has… nothing to do with you…"

His voice was laced with pain and Harry knew he was right. It would do no one good if he got involved in the adults' business. The whole ordeal was awkward for all of them, he didn't want to make it even worse. Regardless, he didn't think he could forgive Sirius…

He gave up and hung his head.

"Alright," Remus stroked his back. "Let's go…"

"You… will come to dinner, right?" Lamerin asked hopefully as they started towards the Great Hall.

"Sure. See you at the table…"

While the sixth years gathered at the edge of the Forbidden Forest with Professor Sprout and Hagrid, Snape listened to the sad music coming from Ginny Weasley's music box under an oak tree.

The girl sat under the trees at the lake wrapped in a blanket with Luna Loovegood. They were studying for the upcoming OWL exams. The little box was at their feet; Percy gave it to her to cheer her up. The girls quietly flipped through the pages and talked while trying not to disturb the sixth years in their joined Herbology, Potions and Care of Magical Creatures exams. Ginny would have been bored in the Hospital wing after her brothers all left Hogwarts to go back to the headquarters at Grimmauld Square.

Since the Great Hall was home to the OWLs and NEWTs along with several interview and press conferences not to mention the times the teachers being dragged to the Ministry to report on things, Snape, Professor Sprout and Hagrid decided to schedule their exams to be at the same time. The students weren't so happy about that since they had to study for three subjects at once.

"Consider this as a practical test. Later in your careers," Snape said while looking at Harry and his friends. "…you might find yourselves in a situation where you can't depend on the help of others. In these cases, the hand-made potions and antidotes could save lives. Go gather the herbs you talked about with Professor Sprout and start making your potions. Gathering the animal organs and other ingredients would require knowledge of Legendary Beasts and I assume," he glanced towards the half-giant." …you won't have trouble with that either. Get to work."

"Good luck," Hagrid whispered to Ron as they opened the parchment and were faced with the complicated recipes.

Hermione smiled when she saw what potion she had to make and started searching in the grass at the foot of the trees. Ron's face reflected confusion as he glanced towards Harry pleadingly.

"Do you not have to dry the Alfatree at a certain time? It has a special way, right? He wants to mess with me! Intentionally…!"

"Yes, but if you look around at the shadowy side of the trees, you'll find some there!" Harry whispered then stopped talking when he noticed Professor Sprout watching them with piercing eyes.

"Individual work, Potter. Do you want me to deduct points?"

Snape turned back towards the music and listened with half-closed eyes as it seemed to pluck with the strings of his soul.

The summer breeze swayed his long, jet-black hair and dark robes. It felt like the hands of a woman stroking his face again…

Sadly, he turned towards the lake where, for the first time in months, a figure in white danced. The woman's robes were made of fine material; Severus knew exactly the feel of it. It was so light that one could imagine the woman being swept up by the wind anytime. Rowena however, didn't want to fly away as she made circles on the lake. She didn't see her former lover watching her; she thought she was completely alone. As she finished, she walked to the shore. She didn't put on her sandals as she walked on barefoot and Severus was sure the sharp stones hurt her feet.

She found a large stone to sit on and pulled up her legs making the dress fall away from her snow-white skin. Snape watched her mesmerized, struggling with the pain the absence of the woman caused in him but couldn't stifle the desire that shined in his eyes after the wonderful months spent together…

It would have been magical, the moment their eyes met, if not for Sirius Black appearing with flowers in his hands. The woman's eyes were distant and she seemed apologetic at Snape's accusing thoughts when they both noticed Sirius. Severus lowered his eyes sadly while the woman stood up and ran back to the castle without waiting for Black.

"That's Sirius Black!" Parma Patil squeaked as more and more students noticed the lonely figure.

"Is it really true that he's not a murderer? I heard that…"

"Why else would he still be in the castle?"

"I'm still afraid of him…!"

"My aunt said that he's Harry's godfather…"

"Harry, is it true?"

"Please work," Snape turned to them with a sigh.

He didn't see Harry standing right behind him watching him with a strange look that made him feel embarrassed.

"Go, Harry," he said as he walked past them. "And don't forget what I told you," he added quietly so no one else could hear it.

Most of the children were already in elbow-deep mud searching for magical insects and bugs. While Harry wondered about how he could get an Irish Phoenix to appear Hermione put a syrup-looking thing on her arm.

"What are you doing, 'Mione?" Ron asked in disgust as he watched the girl's sticky hand.

"I want to catch a Billywig."

"That flying thing…"

"Yes, the blue one," the girl nodded.

"It's really hard to catch them," Anthony said. "It's difficult even to see them…"

"That's why I'm making a trap," Hermione nodded firmly. "I'll get it to come. It will love the sugar…"

When she saw the others' dubious looks she added.

"Ordinary Muggle insects also like sweet things. Right?"

"Muggle insects…" Harry shook his head and walked away with a grin.

"And when it comes and wants to sting me, I'll catch it. I need its sting for the potion…"

While Parvati and Lavender tried to catch some worms, Justin whined about the knarl spikes stinging his palm. Professor Sprout politely sat next to him and put herbs on his wounds. While the teacher was occupied with him, Crabbe and Goyle tried to coax a puffskein out of the bushes while Malfoy stumbled among the uneven rooting. He was looking for a spiderworm but felt like someone was following him. He stopped several times to look back, but everyone was far away from him. He shook his head and continued searching but couldn't get rid of the feeling of someone being there.

"Yuck, what are you doing?" Padma squealed when she saw Goyle squeeze the little puffskeins tearing their fur out before the creature died. "Why are you hurting them?"

"I also had one," Ron said sadly to Dean standing next to him. "But Fred used it as a Budger and it died…"

While Dean laughed and tried to pull himself together, Hagrid lectured the two Slytherins about their brutal treatment; then he ran to Malfoy who was overwhelmed by the insidious demon, a pogrebin that followed him.

"Did you learn nothing at class?" the half-giant snapped.

Snape walked at the edge of the forest when he found a yellow flower with red stripes. He knelt down and put the flower in a vial he borrowed from Ernie.

"What's with him?" Ron asked when he closed his last vial. "He's picking flowers? He's mental…"

"Ron, that's agrimony. You can make potions with lots of vitamins with it and it's good for mental illnesses," Hermione chided after finishing gathering herbs though she was still floating thanks to the billywig's sting. Harry laughed as he watched the girl floating in the most unnatural positions while grinning.

"Cool…" the girl laughed as she floated above their heads horizontally.

"I see Ron enjoys it too. He can see under your skirt." the boy said.

"It's okay…" Hermione continued dreamily.

"Professor, is it chronic?" Terry Boot said laughing to call Sprout over.

The woman looked at Hagrid quizzically who just shrugged.

"It will wear off in half an hour… be patient with her," he looked towards Snape who was still examining the little flower. He patted his shoulder causing the man to almost fall over. "Tie her to the table so she won't fly around in the classroom."

Harry and Ron smiled as they started towards the classrooms holding Hermione's hands. They carried her things and holding on to them the girl didn't fly too high.

Making the potions went well for all three of them though they jumped when Crabbe's cauldron exploded due to too much puffskein fur.

"Vincent, it's insufficient unfortunately," Snape furrowed his eyebrows seeing the disgusting liquid covering the table. "Mr. Goyle will help clean it up after he is finished…"

The other exams were similarly good, in fact, for the first time, Ron could say he got better results than most of the students in his year. The spell that turned his ears into fox-like ones and his red hair to look like fur was a huge success at the Transfiguration exam. McGonagall marveled at his skill and immediately gave him an Outstanding and made sure he attended the lessons next year. According to her, he could easily become an Animagus if he practiced with professionals. Hermione was a prodigy, and Harry, thanks to his skill in Metamorphic magic also earned the same grades.