So it goes with saying that only things I own with any connection to MARVEL I bought on Ebay or Etsy. MARVEL COMICS & MARVEL CINEMATIC UNIVERSE are their own creatures and I have nothing to do with either of them aside from the fact I enjoy reading or watching them, and am grateful for the ability to play in their world. I claim nothing, and I receive nothing for this, expect the pleasure of putting something out into the world.

You can also find this story on ARCHIVE OF OUR OWN under the same title and pen name along with a place to post suggestions.

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DAY TWO

CHAPTER TWENTY NINE

WEDNESDAY, MAY 2ND 2012

1900 HOURS

SUBTERRANEAN BUNKER

LOCATION UNKNOWN

LOKI

After finishing up with that man, a mortal foolish enough to have a change of heart about his work here and decide that I was the greater evil to S.H.I.E.L.D but not take into account I was by far the greater threat, I left what remained of his life to agent Barton's whims.

I imagine the influence of the scepter has left him with an almost painful desire to hurt something, even if he obediently followed my order to hold off on that earlier. I suppose I should give him some kind of outlet unless that energy starts consuming his sanity. He'd be much less use to me without that.

After that distasteful bit of necessity was over I found the other one waiting for me outside the door. The doctor impatiently waiting, having been denied entrance to the soundproof room while that man was screaming pathetically and divulging his secrets.

Now that I am exiting the room he is practically giddy to report the results of his mission to me, not that I can't determine its success from his grin alone.

"I told her just what you said to Loki. She wants to see you, she told me so."

I told him to visit her while I was away. She's been enduring so much lately, and since she won't let me know the thoughts in her head I thought a familiar face would do her good. Sending Barton in there though was completely out of the question, and while she doesn't seem terribly against the Scotsman's presence I thought someone without a military air would put her more at ease.

She's only been in my care for around twenty two hours in total, but I know she has no means to know that. I've kept it that way on purpose because I also know how the minutes can stretch by when someone lives in stress. I've not been making the progress I wanted so I stacked the deck in my favor.

She becomes so invested in the well being of other things, I decided to use that against her. The doctor was told to inform her that he hasn't been permitted food or sleep in the last 'four' days. One of those details alone would be sufficient, but both would make it even more certain that I would see the results I wanted.

"Very good doctor." I tell him with a pleased but dismissive smile. "That's all I needed, you may go back to your work now."

I expected that he would do just that once I said so, but he lingers instead, and I can tell exactly why. He is worried about her. I suppose it shouldn't surprise me much given they shared a connection, and he was always aware, despite S.H.E.I.L.D's threats to keep him silent, what she is. It's why the organization introduced them in the first place, he was one of three mortals who had encountered us, and the most sensible of the trio befriended by Thor.

"You have my assurance doctor, no one will take better care of her than me." I tell him to calm his concerns, then catching the eye of one of the passing soldiers with an indicative nod I order him back to building my machine. "Now you must return to your task."

I hear his agreement distantly, turning away before he even finishes answering me, already letting my steps take me back to those quarters. I'm more interested in examining my attire for blood at the moment then the rambling mortal scientist. It would not serve me well at all to greet her covered in filth.

WEDNESDAY, MAY 2ND 2012

1906 HOURS

SUBTERRANEAN BUNKER

LOCATION UNKNOWN

NORA ELAINE

I heard the door hinges before I heard him. "The doctor told me something very interesting just now." He says in greeting as he pauses with his hand still holding the edge of the door to look at me with curiosity. "He said you asked to see me, but I have a hard time believing that is true."

I did ask for him. I made a request, and then I spent the rest of the time trying to find the courage to go through with it.

I wanted to be selfish and call Erik back, to tell him I changed my mind. I wanted to be scared I realized, and I hated myself for that realization. I knew what to expect from my fear now, so I wanted the comfort of that certainty.

That just made the anger I felt change its direction and aim at myself. What kind of coward was I that I actually wanted to choose what was simple for me over what was safe for my friends? I gave those up such a short time ago, but I'm taking them back now. Please let me take them back.

"No. I mean yes." I start, then correct my mistake as I make myself abandon the spot I ended my pacing in. "Yes, I did actually. He uhm, heard me drop another glass and checked on me."

Loki continues to listen, but at the mention of broken glass his eyes scan the floor for the shards and when they find them his eyes turn back to we with a question arch to his brow. "I threw it I think." I admit with a huff of frustrated embarrassment. I've been doing that a lot lately.

Even though I'm trying to look calm on the outside I'm still a bundle of nervous energy on the inside right now, and that thought for whatever reason put a crack in my armor. "I'll clean it up." I offer quickly, planning to get up and use the activity to buy time to get my head back together.

Then he reminds me that my plans and his plans don't always match. He isn't aggressive about it, he simply steps in front of me and rests one hand on my shoulder while the other extends itself with a sweeping gesture in the direction of the glass and the the seeds and a glowing light begins to consume them until nothing is left. "I would rather you tell me what has upset you so?"

"I will" I promise, taking a moment to finish cementing the seal again before I commit to this explanation. "I'd like you to sit with me please if that's okay?"

His response is the sound of an amused huff before his weight settles down next to my right side, the sight of his legs and torso filling the corner of my vision, before his hand and arm fill the front of it. He reaches slowly so he doesn't startle me and lets his fingers tease the strands of hair as he urges my head to turn. "It is more then alright."

"It wasn't like this when I woke up." His fingers still and his brow arches in invitation to continue with my vague statement. "My hair. This is the longest I've had it. I've been growing it out since I woke up."

"Its been longer actually." He offers as his fingers collect a section and trail down their length as if testing it. That concession is a tiny surprise to me and seeing my eyes widen his smile grows a little more, followed quickly by mine.

"Really?" I ask back sounding pleased with that and getting a nod in confirmation as I too examine the ends of my hair. "I always wanted long hair." I confess in a hush, feeling foolish with myself for it. The state of my hair is not what I wanted to talk about, and we both know it.

'Did they tell you..." If I can't wait for my courage to decide its courageous I'll have to make it. "...how long 'Nora' has existed?"

He's smart, he doesn't need me to explain that to him. "They told me you woke from your coma almost three's ago." Because I was supposed to be dead I couldn't go back to using my old name so when I was finally released from the hospital I took a new one and became a new person. Clint said Nora was a nickname of mine, and I choose Elaine after my dead mother's maiden name Delaney.

"Yes, almost two years and eleven months ago now." I correct their information a little. I may not know the exact date today, but with Erik's admittance of four days I can make a good guess, and that anniversary is a date I always kept count of.

"For a long time, all I could do was live in my head." I admit quickly, letting my eyes lift to make up for the height difference a little more, my first words inspire a bit of a smirk from him. My next ones banish it. "But once I realized that, my head became a chasm of darkness and fear."

My description of the amnesia my coma left me with brings pity to his face, not that I expected anything else. Its the only reaction it gets from anybody when I tell them. He doesn't offer his condolences like some people would feel the need to though because he knows I'm not done explaining yet. "So I started filling it with connections."

"Your friends?" He offers, his lips a little tight on the last word, making his opinion of my relationship with S.H.I.E.L.D pretty clear.

"No..." They stay tight until I say that word, then loosen as his expression turns to confusion. "Not just friends. Connections. Everyone I've ever met is important to me, even if I don't like them, or they don't like me. I'm a THREE YEAR OLD WOMAN Loki, everything I see is new and precious to me."

I admit to him, as I have admitted to one other. I'm like a greedy child. I cling to everything I encounter like its the only one of its kind in the world, whether its a person, a moment, a memory, or an object. I want it all and I don't want to give any of it up, ever. Please don't take them from me.

He'd been watching me, silent and still except for the shift of his eyes searching mine as I spoke, and if I'm honest it sort of unnerved me because it looked like he was waiting for me to say something else but I can't figure out what it is. I find myself with a clue though as I find his hand cradling my face.

He didn't try to surprise me with it, he kept his quick movement just slow enough that I knew it was coming, and those eyes of his watched for any sign that the fear might be too much. I'm not going to lie, when his hand first lifted, there was a small flinch, but I smothered the rest of them and let him weave his fingers into my hair as his hand came to rest at the back of my neck with them trapped under his palm.

"You need to stop now." He commands quietly, almost like a plea with the corner of his lip tugging into a temporary smirk as he sees me add confusion to my heavy breathing before his eyes turn away from mine. "You know not how those words makes me wish to kiss you."

I can hear an exasperated chuckle in his confession before he feels the shiver rack my spine. Those handsome eyes of his looking angry, saddened, and understanding toward that reaction "Fear not, I enjoy your lips better when they taste of choice."

I hide from him against him again, letting my head rest against the edge of his chest piece, the skin of my cheek take in the dichotomy of leather, silk, and metal against it as I feel him breath a pleased sigh and press another 'not' kiss against the top of my head as leather confined fingers rest against the skin of my back just beneath my shoulder.

Its so strange that I find some kind of comfort in this, and a relief as well. I wasn't this broken before. The attack shattered me a little again, there's no denying it, but I reached a point before that as long as it wasn't direct prolonged skin contact, I could do things like this. I'm glad I'm getting it back, even if its him.

Maybe its because its him? The thought sneaks up on me as I listen to the sound of his heartbeat, half pleased and embarrassed that it confirms my curiosity if he has one or not. I don't know what to make of that thought, but I don't push it away. He called me his beloved... But I still don't have a memory of him anywhere in my head.

What if I'm trying to find it in the wrong place? What if my body remembers him. What if I was normal before? I must have been when he knew me, because he wants to approach me like a normal person. If I cry he immediately wants to hold me or wipe away my tears before he remembers he can't. A normal person, who could hold hands, and hug, and kiss, and go to bed with...

"You are trembling." Those words make me stiffen a little a half a second before I realize he's right, and realize that even though he must have a guess why I'm trembling he still didn't let go of me, and that I'm actually not going to dare ask him to. I'd let him hold me forever if it pleased him.

"Arnora, stop." I must have made the trembling worse because now his words aren't a soft whisper breathed into my hair, but those of sharp concern, and his hand isn't idly resting against my shoulder blade, but circling my arm and guiding me away from his chest as the other one cups my chin. "These thoughts you have, they do you no favors. Come, tell me what you called me for?"

I really just want to drop my gaze and hid my face again, but his hand under my chin won't let me. "Please tell me." He repeats, his tone firmer but not colder. I'm brave, I'm braver, I'm brave Nora, I'm brave.

"I want them." There's coldness now, I can see the affection and concern fade right out of his eyes. No, no, please, I can't mess this up, please. I'll deal with what our new relationships are afterward, but right now my 'friends' need me. "I just want you to let Clint and Erik..." I try to explain it better, but he doesn't give me a chance. The coldness in his eyes reaching the set of his mouth and the slackening grip of his hand drop away from their position.

"No." I heard his verdict, but I couldn't bring myself to accept it, and I wasn't ready to let him leave until I changed his mind. My actions sort of surprised him more then they did me. I caught the hand dropping away from my chin in both of mine, and kissed those knuckles before hugging his hand back to the hollow of my neck. "No, no Loki, please you don't...!"

He seemed thrilled with those actions for a second, until he realized that I was using a kiss for the sake of another man, and ripped his hand out of mine with a hiss. I would have known that would be his reaction too, if I had the time to think about it first, but I made the mistake of just reacting, and I clearly reacted wrong.

"They serve my purpose now!" he practically snarls, ignoring my frightened recoil from the sharpness of his actions and his words, before managing to cool his temper a little. "I will not set then free, even for you."

"I don't want you to set them free." I'm thinking now. Even though my heart is racing, and all my body wants to do is curl up and shiver in a corner for a while. I'm making myself stay in the moment, and I'm thinking hard. I have to or the next automatic reaction is gonna get somebody killed. "I don't, keep them, please keep them, just..." He looks so confused by my statement, that for a moment he just stares in dismay before he finds his tongue again.

"What game is this?" He assumes that makes sense to me, if I was a master of deception and manipulation I would probably assume it too, a hidden agenda in the action of others, but I'm not like that.

"Its not a game,..." I venture, watching his eyebrows pull even farther together in doubt or confusion before he notices the way I'm pressing crescent marks into the the back of my hand, using the discomfort to keep myself focused. He stops me, his own hands gently wrapping around my wrists and urging mine to stop attacking themselves, the doubt in his expression dimming as he comes to believe me as I reaffirm it.

"I don't know much about you..." I use honesty this time as I let him turn my hands over and examine the light damage I did to them, one of his thumbs tracing over my pulse almost absently. "...but I know I'd lose."

His head lifts at this. "You'd bargain yourself for their lives?" He asks, looking genuinely bewildered by this revelation, as if he never truly considered putting the well being of others before his own. I can't imagine what kind of life leads to someone like that, and I can't imagine myself ever doing anything less. My 'people' are me, as much as I am myself.

"I would." Those words make his expression shift to what looks like offended, which I don't understand until he speaks again, his hands squeezing mine a little tighter as he does.

"Do you put no value on yourself anymore?"

"I do!" I reply with earnest as I understand what he is thinking. It isn't that I don't think my life matters, its more complicated then that. "I..." at first I'm not sure how to explain it to him. Then I settle for reciting my thoughts. "My 'people' are me, as much as I am myself."

There's pity in those eyes now, and guilt. The pity I get, but the guilt I don't understand, and it scares me a little. Why show guilt over something that hasn't happened yet? It hasn't yet right? It can;t have happened yet, they can't be gone yet!

"I can't lose them Loki..." I beg, doing my best to not buckle under the idea that my friends are hollow corpses somewhere outside that door. I won't believe it, I just saw Erik, he can't be dead! Just keep talking Nora, you can get this done!

"I c-cant take l-loosing an-anymore of me. P-please, please don-don't take them a-way from me, d-don't kill them and I'll-I'll do whatever you want. I swear, I s-swear, I'll pay for it. Please Loki, you can have me just please stopping killing my friends."

That I managed to kill the stutter for that last part is a miracle, given what I just offered. Its only fear, it can only kill my sanity, my body should be fine. Now, he just needs to say or do something, because if he doesn't that will kill my sanity too.

His hands let go, but they don't retreat far enough to make me reach for them. Instead of pulling back from my skin they just loosen their grip on my hands to start traveling up my arms. They make the message very clear. He accepted my offer. I can do this, I can, I can, I can, I have to.

They trail goosebumps in there wake, and chill my blood a little at the elbow as his fingers slow their assent to pass over the bend on my arm. His long fingers brushing against the skin of my under arm as they make their way to my shoulders.

They don't stop there, they find my throat, the contrast to my boiling blood making me shiver as his fingers weave tickle the back of my neck again and his thumbs make me elevate my chin to face him. Its just skin, its just flesh, just body, its not me, its just a shell. I keep telling myself that lie isn't a lie as I close my eyes in acceptance. I'm still saying it is I feel his breath on my lips. "You are not ready yet."

I'm so shocked by those word that I can almost hear my eyes snap open to meet his, right before that green glow consumes them, along with all of him. There's nothing there, just an empty space under my hands where he was!

That's when I find myself at the door, and start fighting it with screams! "NO, NO PLEASE NO, COME BACK! YOUR WRONG! I CAN, I CAN, PLEASE I CAN! CLINT! ERIK! PLEASE DON'T HURT THEM! LOKI!"