disclaimer: don't own dan or phil, nor do i own any social media references, music references, and whatever else you recognize. i do own my oc, abigail elizabeth woods :)

includes emotions! yay!
does not include enough confessions and sighing, apparently. sorry.

after this, there's literally two more chapters until the end.
whaaaaaaaaat?

anywhoo this is a bit of a short chapter, and it isn't the best one, but it is necessary. i promise :)

Chapter 40: And Yes You're In My Head (But That Doesn't Make You Here)

"Going out," is what he wrote earlier, "will probably be back tonight."

Probably.

It has been days since Dan or Abi had talked to each other. Dan knows that the silence made him seem like a dick, but he was crushed and he is a selfish guy — if he could make Abi feel a fraction of what he felt, then…

'Then what?' he thought as he walked into the café. 'Then you'd be satisfied? It doesn't mean her answer is going to change. She's always going to say no.'

Dan frowned; she didn't say no.

In fact, she didn't say anything. Perhaps that's why he was so upset. Either way, he figures that it would take him weeks—probably years—to get over this.

However, he also knows that he'll have to talk to Abi eventually; sort something out between the two so Dan could at least have a relationship with Abi.

And that's how he found himself in a café on a dreary London afternoon, waiting for a discount version of a caramel macchiato, just to find a pink-haired lady in a booth waiting for him.

"Dan!" she called out to him, waving. "Over here!"

Dan forces a smile as he walks over to the booth with his drink in hand, sliding into the seat across from her.

"Louise," he says quietly with a small smile. "Thanks for meeting with me. It's...it's really nice to see you again."

"You too!" she chirps happily, taking off her blue beanie. "It's honestly been too long since I've seen you guys — how are you?"

"Eh, could be better," Dan sighs, taking a sip of his drink. "How are you?"

Louise laughs. "Could be better! Taking care of a baby is hard and such."

"Can't even imagine," Dan chuckles softly.

Louise must've saw the falter in Dan's smile, because she reaches over the table and grabs Dan's hands softly.

"Sweetie," she murmurs, "tell me from the beginning."

So Dan did. He tells Louise through shaky breaths and nervous tears about the story between him and Abi. He goes all the way back to the tour and tells her about Rosalina, about their date-not-dates, about every kiss.

And Louise listens. She listens to every sob and to every angry sip that Dan takes out of his discount caramel macchiato. She listens to the amount of money he spent on a ring, how he doesn't believe in a life after second chances, and how he hasn't spoken to Abi for almost a week and how he misses her voice.

She listens to him ramble until he coughs because he's rambled too long, and she listens to him continue anyway.

And when Dan's done his story, Louise listens to him heave heavy breath.

"Dan," she says quietly. "You do know that you must've overwhelmed her, right?"

"I know," Dan replies, spinning the empty coffee cup around mindlessly. He stares at the window. "I just...she could've said something, couldn't she?"

"When you were shot, did you say anything?" Louise asks. Dan frowns, and looks up at her.

"Pardon?"

"When you were shot," she asks again, "what did you say?"

Dan pauses. Louise hums, sipping her own drink.

"Even if she wanted to say something, she couldn't," Louise explains. "Dan, spending an entire life with someone is a really big commitment."

"But—"

"You have to take that seriously," Louise cuts him off. "It's a life you're going to give to someone you haven't even dated properly. I know you love Abi. And Abi loves you. But don't you think proposing to someone right on the spot is fair?"

Dan stays quiet, but his lip trembles in a way that gives Louise the answer. She strokes Dan's hand with her thumb.

"Honey..." she murmurs.

"I know," Dan sniffles. "Fuck, I am such an idiot."

"You're not an idiot," Louise says, "you're scared."

Dan looks up at her.

"You're scared you're going to lose everything because you were so close to," Louise continues. "Dan, that is the most human thing you could ever think. But it doesn't mean that it's going to become your reality. Your life is still the same as it was before. The people in your life are still the same people. All you have is a different perspective. A perspective that is beyond your years — a perspective of life that shouldn't hurt you, but help you."

She gently smiles, but it fades when she sees Dan's head fall, looking down at his shoes.

He looks broken.
Confused.

She sighs, squeezing his hands to bring him back into reality.

"Don't let that new perspective hinder you, Dan," she says quietly.

And all Dan does is nod.

Phil is against the idea of Abi taking Striker out for a walk during such a dark night, but sullenly agrees on the condition that he comes with her.

"You know," Abi says as she slips on her coat, "you don't have to worry about me walking alone in the dark. I've done it before."

"Yeah, and now we've been stalked too," Phil retorts, helping Striker into his harness. "Besides, I've been in the house all day. I could use a walk too."

Abi knows that "I could use a walk too" actually means "I know why you're going on this walk so let me walk with you," and Abi hates that Phil knew her so well.

She knows that Dan was (probably) going home any minute now, and despite having the entire day to think about what she was going to say to him, she is still unprepared.

She sighs, taking Striker's leash and attaching it to his harness, and grabs her beanie off the door-side table. She faces Phil, who slips on his sneakers and nods. She walks out the door with Phil trailing behind her.

Phil doesn't waste too much time before breaking the seconds' worth of silence.

"So are you going to tell me what happened during that date?" Phil asks. Abi sighs, digging her hands into her jacket pocket as she watches Striker trot ahead of them.

"Dan proposed to me," she mumbles. Phil immediately stops walking.

"Wait, what?!" he says with eyes big enough for Abi to see in the dark. She grimaces as she continues to walk ahead of Abi.

"Please don't make a big deal out of this," she groans.

"Not make a big deal out of this?" Phil echoes, rushing back to catch up with her. "How can I not make a big deal out of this? You guys have been engaged since, like, six days ago?! And you haven't told me? How could—"

He stops abruptly when he sees Abi's face. He frowns.

"...Oh." He clears his throat. "Um, not...it's not a big deal."

Abi sighs. "I said nothing, Phil."

"Nothing?" Phil blinks. "What...what do you mean?"

"I mean I said nothing!" Abi snaps, spinning around to face Phil. He grabs the leash out of her hand slowly and takes over walking Striker in hopes of calming Abi down.

"I literally said nothing," she says again. "Zilch. Zero. No words came out of my mouth. Not 'yes, God, Dan, I love you, yes,' or 'no' — not even a flimsy 'maybe'!"

"Slow down," Phil says firmly. "You said Dan proposed to you? Do you know why?"

"What do you mean 'why'?" Abi looks down at the ground, kicking a stray rock with the tip of her boots. "You propose to someone because you love someone."

"Alright, but Dan has always loved you." Abi blushes. "Can you think about the reason he would propose now?"

Abi pauses before a look of recognition flashes across her face.

"He doesn't want to lose you," Phil says before she could. "I know it was a hasty move on his side, and yeah, it was thrown at you unexpectedly. But you have to understand that it was coming from someone who is more scared of losing you than ever."

"He shouldn't have put me in that position though," Abi protests, turning a corner with Phil. "God, am I just being a bitch? I can't be overreacting that much right now...right?"

"Are you mad?" Phil asks.

"I don't know," Abi sighs. "I think I am...I am just frustrated. Frustrated that he would even ask."

"Why would that frustrate you?"

"Because he knew that it was very much possible that I would've said yes," Abi grumbles.

Phil takes a deep breath, looking down as Striker continues to trot ahead of him.

"You have every right to be nervous, Abi," he says. "I think you two really need to talk. I know that Dan acted too quickly, but...but you have to see it in his eyes too. He was given a second chance, and was given a...a different lense to use when looking at life."

Phil stops and grabs Abi's hand before she could walk ahead. When Abi looks up, she realizes that they already walked a lap of their block and they were back at the house.

The light was on in their house, and Abi could see that the fireplace was lit in the living room.

She knows who was home.

"You love him," Phil says. "Try not to forget that either, okay?"

Abi says nothing.

"Do you want to go in?" Phil asks quietly. Abi nods wordlessly, walking up the stairs to the front door.

When she unlocks the door, she is greeted with Dan's wide eyes. His hand is extended forward ever-so slightly, as if he was going to open the door too.

They hold each other's stares for too long,
and in that moment, they both felt as if they were home.

Dan falls into Abi's arms, sobbing, before Abi could fucking kiss him.
She holds him as if she was going to lose him too.

"Let's go for one more round," Phil murmurs to Striker, and slowly closes the door, turning around to face the cold night once more.

They were alone.

reviews would be lovely xx